


The Cure

by 5c4r13tt



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Love, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-02-05 06:17:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 177,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12788610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5c4r13tt/pseuds/5c4r13tt
Summary: A dystopian future where Love is a disease. Everyone takes 'The Cure' as a child to prevent it and those who rebel, are exiled to the wild.Therese, is a second child, in a world where everyone is limited to one. Her parents were exiled and she has grown up independently and distant from everyone but a few, and Carol, has lead a normal and stable life.That is until she meets Therese.





	1. Backstory

_2072… the year the world ran out of oil._

_Prices around the world rocketed. The gap between poor and rich grew and our planet became over populated as you were paid benefits for children._

_After a 43 years the benefits stopped coming, the poor grew restless and riots were sprouting across the world. They needed a solution to the outcry of the planet._

_The poor were bordered, trapped like animals in their countries as the better off devised a new plan to save their own skin. They employed the law enforcement system to turn their back on their own people and keep the poor oppressed. In the year 2298 the rich fled to space. Trying to escape the over population in favour of the vast dark abyss, to taint the stars with their man made pollution. Those left on earth were abandoned. Doomed. They turned their fate around, ripping down the walls between countries, rampaging across town and villages plunging the world into chaos. But, with the rich gone, and hope dwindling, what was left of humanity lost what made them human._

_In an effort to survive, without law and order, they made a new society. The Panel rose to power, the Bureau was made to deal with the people and a new society was born. The borders between North America and the rest of the world closed and a drug was made. M7905CSH8. Or to the population of earth, the cure. A drug that took away an emotion. Love._

_Without Love, a new world was formed. One with order contrasting the chaos of art and poetry. Each citizen born with the four laws. Survival. Efficiency. Equality. Compliance. Or the SEEC. Pronounced Seek. By law you were required to take the cure at birth and a re-dose 21._

_Currency was scrapped. Each person given a quota for everything they may possibly need. It was refreshed every month. You could trade in your quota on one thing to gain more on another item. It was simple. But once it was gone. It was gone._

_At age 10 you were assessed and from your results your brain chemistry was placed on the database and you were placed into one of four factions, named after the earth’s great minds, and trained in the selected field you were placed in._

_Brunel – Black jumpsuits – Labour – 68.9% of population_  
_Seacole – Blue jumpsuits – Health – 14% of population_  
_Einstein – Red jump suits – Science and innovation – 13.1% of population_  
_Caesar – White jump suits – Law and order – 4% of population_

_There was speculation, of a fifth faction. Emmanuel. Who would wear green, and they were the few people who were different than the wider population. But their purpose in society was unknown, and the myth of the fifth faction died out._

_Each faction with its own purpose and each person was assessed uniquely to them. At age 16 you were assessed once more, put into your work placement, and matched to a compatible partner. Borders between sexualities blurred, LGBT people had every equal right amongst others, as their partners had been chosen out of compatibility. Those whose matches didn’t work were re-matched until they were no longer needed by the system or chosen to donate their eggs/sperm if they were genetically clean and fertile._

_There was now only one religion and one God to pray to. ‘All’. ‘All’ would listen when you needed hope and if you led a good life, salvation would be waiting for you in the arms of ‘All’. Each citizen was given a copy of the manuscript of ‘All’ at birth._

_Each couple was allowed one child. Anymore was punishable by exile as they needed to solve their over populated state, their children would be named feral. There were a few who had found love despite the drug. Dragged from their houses and to the local Town Building. The punishment. Exile to the wild. The world past the border of North America. They never return._

**3030**

Carolyn Ross was the daughter of Anna and Charles Ross. At birth she was treated like everyone else, the drug was administered to the back of her cranium and she was handed to her mother. Emotionally neutered like everyone else. Her mother, Anna, came from Caesar. Her father, Charles, from Brunel, an unlikely match but they were as close to happy as one could get, with love stripped away from them.

Carol was smart, with her dad’s know how and mother’s intellect, at age ten she was quickly chosen for Einstein and assigned her red uniform. As parents they were proud of their contribution to society.

At age 16, Carol’s care free attitude, straight mindedness and kindness brought up three suitable partners.

  * Hargess Aird. Caesar. Societal Management division. Age 20. Match – 66.1%
  * Abby Gehard. Seacole. Nursing division. Age 17. Match – 86%
  * Jack Taft. Seacole. Emergency division. Age 18. Match – 51.6%
  * Therese Belivet. Brunel. Farming division. Age 11. Match – 100%



It was rare. _Extremely_ rare, for _anyone_ to reach a 100% match. Almost unheard of. So when Carol’s results were handed back to her she was astonished. She had never even considered liking women, and was instantly curious to know who this mysterious Therese Belivet was and how she was still so young. She hadn’t a clue about Therese or Hargess but Abby she did know. They were in the same class until they were separated into factions. Firm friends.  She could picture herself being friends with Abby for life. Sleeping together. Raising a child. Obeying the SEEC. Contributing to society. But the thought seemed a little odd.

With years to decide she felt pretty confident, however, she only had a year before a tall, handsome, raven haired man arrived on her doorstep, in a white suit, a practiced smile and a white bouquet of flowers.

“Hello, my name is Hargess Aird, but everyone calls me Harge. You must be Carolyn.”

He pushed the bouquet into her hands and ran his finger through his hair with nerves.

“Yes, but please, call me Carol.” She replied politely.

“Carol…” There was a pregnant pause. “…You are a match… for me- and I was wondering, if you were free… On Sunday. A rest day for all of us. Would you like to see a movie maybe or-or-or go watch the Caesar Police Tennis tournament?”

Carol looked down towards the flowers in her hands and back up to the sweating man in front of her as he tried to flatten the creases in his jumpsuit, the sweat from his palms smudging. It was the beginning of a court. One would begin the court, which would progress onto dates. After that you would project the course of your future. They had learnt about them at school. And the excitement of being pursued made Carol smile.

“Yes, that would be lovely.”

“It-it would? Well, okay then – I’m sorry, are we going to a movie or the tennis? I didn’t really make myself clear did I?” He smiled nervously.

“I’ve never been to a tennis match before…” Carol urged.

“Tennis it is… So I’ll meet you here, at 11am. Is that alright?”

“Yes that’s fine.”

“Oh, ok then… Alright. Ok, well I’ll see you Sunday then.”

“Yes, see you Sunday Harge.”

“Goodbye Carol.”

And with that Carol’s life was veered down a new path. They courted for a few months before making it official at the local Town house, surrounded by a few friends and family. Afterwards they moved in together, and after another two years of attending dinner parties and playing the role of party host and supportive match, they started trying to conceive, as Harge was quickly rising through his field and a child was expected of him.

But there was a problem in their compatibility. What had dragged their percentage down was their fertility. Harge was very low and after two more years, the carefully hidden cracks in their relationship began to show. Harge began drinking. Carol spent more and more time with friends, and the house became colder and colder.

“Leave him! Leave him for me!” Abby shouted happily, flinging her arms wide, spinning in her bar stool, the edge of the beer sloshing over the rim of the glass, hitting the floor with a splash.

“Abby. We’re drunk. And you’re my best friend. I can’t just hope up and leave. We’re matched and he is good to me.”

“Good t-to you?” The auburn haired woman hiccupped. “He’s drunk every night.”

“It’s just because he wants a child. And it’s been so long Abby. Fucking has become this routine. I used to get excited and now I just dread every ovulation period where I’m mounted like a fucking animal. It’s awful. Just knowing that it won’t work this time. And Harge…”

“Harge can’t have children!”

“Abby shhh!”

“Ok, ok.” She said noticeably adding a diminuendo. “Why not get a surrogate, a donor?”

“Harge is determined. He wants it to be his, and only his… you know Harge, stubborn arsehole.”

“Carol are you happy? The key to happiness is to court with a match. Conceive and contribute to our society. It must be hard to try and find happiness when he is pissed 24/7. So I ask, are you satisfied with that drunkard or not? ” Abby forced herself to have a moment of sobriety.

Carol looked at her best friend, not being able to lie to her. “No. No, I’m not.”

“Then leave him for me!”

“I can’t…”

“Why not?! Have you started feeling, sick? Do you feel… _Love_ for him?”

“What?! No! Don’t be stupid.”

“Because you only have a couple more months until your re-dose of the cure. We can go together and get it early if you like. I don’t want you to get infected.”

“No I’m not infected I feel just fine. Now will you keep your voice down, you’re going to attract attention.” Carol turned back to the bartender to order another drink, but he had cut off their tap. “Why?!” She asked desperate for another.

“SEEC. Efficiency. Your alcohol tab has been shut off Mrs. Aird. Your Data shows multiple trip to the liquor. You have reached your quota for the month.”

“IT’S THE 10TH FOR FUCKS SAKE!”

“That’s your problem ma’am. And may I remind you SEEC. Equality. We all get the needed amounts based on location, job, and habitual need. Compliance. We must obey and comply.”

“It’s alright Carol. Have mine.” Carol took it, taking a large mouthful.

“It must be Harge, exhausting our quota… What?” Carol asked noticing her best friend still staring at her expectantly.

“Why can’t you?”

“What about all your other matches? How many did you have again? Like 15 girls? If you’re after a release choose one of them.”

“Yes, and I’ve fucked them all bar two. You and another girl Genevieve Cantrell. None of them I can imagine raising a child with! C’mon we’ve known each other forever. What are we again? 86%! That’s pretty fucking high.”

“Abby?”

“Is it because you don’t think I’d be good enough in the sack?”

“WHAT?! Where on earth did you get that from?”

“Well you’ve only had Harge. And no, two minutes isn’t normal, Carol. Sex can be so much more than for conception. You could actually enjoy yourself for once. Are you scared to dip in the lady pond?”

“Don’t be absurd!” Carol retorted pushing Abby’s shoulder with banter. “Of course not. It’s all just anatomy.”

“Ohh Yeah?!” Abby slurred her gaze never wondering from the blonde’s lips. “Prove it.”

“Excuse me?”

“I. Said. Prove. It…” Abby paused. “It’s all just anatomy. And you aren’t diseased, there is no reason for you to actually get off for once…I’m waiting…”

“You can’t be serious?” Carol’s eyes narrowed.

“I knew you wouldn’t do it. Do you find it weird how you’re a pussy but you’ve never tried p-“ And then Carol’s lips landed on Abby’s the tingle of alcohol from the many beers they had downed, dulling her senses, but this new one screamed them back to life as it became more and more heated.

The next thing Carol knew, her naked best friend was coming down from her high, and flumping on the mattress next to her falling asleep on her own nude spent form. Bathing in the aftermath of their frenzied sex. And as Carol turned her head to let Abby tuck in under her neck, the sun began to rise through the sky. Only one thought swam through her head.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!_

**3051**

She hadn’t meant her life to be this way. Work was going extremely well. Her innovations in new more versatile materials which use sustainable sources were becoming more and more malleable. Soon she would be able to bring it to her superiors.

However, her private life was a shambles. She had continued to sleep with her best friend, for four months. She broke off their extra benefits after Abby had mentioned moving in together. There was no reason to say no apart from Carol always felt Abby would be a friend for life. Not one she would wake up next to everyday. Then was a good time because the next day, Carol was given a re-dose of the cure. So she hadn’t felt too bad about it. A little numb in fact. But it had a weird effect on their friendship.

Abby hadn’t really known how to act, settling back into the friend zone after the past couple of months were useless, feeling as if her life was going nowhere. Her happiness unachievable as she couldn’t complete the SEEC. But then she met Gen, and actually became thankful, that Carol had denied her incessant offers as her and Gen were mated in a month. They were similar in personality. According to Abby the sex was some of the best she ever had, and Gen was as passionate about wanting to give back to the world, being an Einstein like Carol.

They were beginning to rebuild their foundation. Carol had left Harge. He had turned to Caesar in hopes of finding another match which he probably would. And Carol, after spending time with Gen and Abby had found that maybe she should move on to her last match.

“Abby, Gen. I have something to tell you both.” The women leaned in. “I have one more match.”

“You do? Why did you never tell me about him?!” Abby asked, offended that this information had been withheld.

“Because _she_ was matched with me and the result was outstanding.”

“What was it? Did you manage to get one up in the nineties? 91%?” Gen asked.

“Higher.”

“94?” Abby cut in.

“No… It was a 100%...”

Abby choked on her drink whereas Gen stayed calmer. “Wow, Carol that’s very improbable, the odds of getting that are ridiculously small, but… I don’t understand. Why that is a bad thing?” Gen queried.

“It isn’t its just… I checked her out. Therese Belivet. Brunel. Tomorrow’s her birthday. She finds out about me tomorrow.”

“She’s only just turning 16?!”

“Yes… And, I don’t know what to do. It would be a little weird to turn up on her doorstep in a few days saying _‘Hey. I’m Carol, your 100% match and I’ve known about you since you were ten. I know you’re only 16 and have your whole life ahead of you but I’d love it if you would take me, a woman 5 years your senior, as your match because, I don’t know about you but, you’re my last hope! What do you think about courting and making this official?_ ”

“Yeah that would do it.” Said Gen over the rim of her mug. Taking a sip and opening her mouth to speak once more, almost seeing the steam exiting the blonde’s ears in front of her. “Why not give her a year or two. Find out who you are. Give yourself some time to know who you are without Harge. Take some time, and then find her. She can’t just ignore her 100% match. Don’t worry about it.”

“…”

“She’s right.” Abby agreed.

“I know. That’s why I am pissed off.”

“Until then just, work hard and SEEC. SEEC hard enough and you’ll find yourself.”


	2. The Instant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Readers!  
> Wow, i have had such a great response to this fic. I was trying to do something new, all my work had been centred round the present so I thought why not mix it up with a futuristic dystopia. I'm sure you've seen it in the tags but this is a slow burn. Mwhahaha.  
> Anyway, this chapter is from Therese's POV, Like it was from Carol's POV in chpt 1. After this it will be mixed. Anyway read on!

**3051**

Therese Belivet. Born 3035. A Grafter. A natural born rebel.

Her mother and father were exiled on suspicion of love and having her, a second child so she had been assigned to another family. One she didn’t really get along with. Her life had never been normal. In an effort to stay alive, her mother had hidden her in the house, made the family share her some of their quota. But they were inevitably caught when someone thought they had seen her in a window, and dragged her away from her family kicking and screaming. Only 8 years old.

Therese’s non-compliant nature landed her in the hands of the Bureau. She knew she would end up in Labour. _Like the ‘test’ would tell a misfit like me any differently?_ And she was right.

She was assigned a black wardrobe and thrown into the farming industry. She was rather relieved. It gave her routine. Up at 5am. Eat breakfast. Tend the horses. Take her own, Hugo, to manage the fields. Come back for lunch. Tend to the animals. Eat dinner. Head to the local Hub with Dannie and come back to the farm commune to sleep.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Be-_

Her hand came crashing down on the droning alarm.

She rubbed her eyes before sitting up, her dorm room’s blinds gradually filtering the sunrise’s light into her room.

She turned to her wall, swiping to check her schedule double checking, thinking something must be wrong. She didn’t get free days. The only thing planned for her day was a train ride into the Bureau.

_Shit._

She checked the date in the corner of the transparent monitor. 17/04/51

“Happy Birthday to me I guess.”

She headed to her wardrobe, flicking through the identical black jumpsuits which she had modified and adjusted herself.

She chose the generic one, knowing that today she would be surrounded by a bunch of officials, most likely Caesar.

Buttoning up, she headed down to breakfast where the house matron sat, like she did every day, a cigarette between her lips, the ashtray filled with stale butts. She stole the smoking herb from between the ladies fingers taking a drag herself before handing it back.

“Like clockwork you are.” The woman exclaimed, Therese bending into the fridge for the milk

“I know.” Therese replied, exhaling and thanking her lucky star Mrs Robichek had splashed out on a high nicotine packet as it hit her system. “What is it your birthday? You must be saving up your nicotine quota. You picked up the strong.”

“No, not my birthday, but it is yours isn’t it?” Therese stopped pouring her milk over her singular bland Weetabix. “Your schedule was cleared and it’s around six years since you got here. 17th of April huh?”

“Don’t tell the others. I can’t stand their puny attempts at birthday wishes and presents. I’d much rather play darts and have a decent beer down at the bar with Dannie.”

“I tell you every time Terry, you hav-“

“ _Have to be careful. I should obey the SEEC. Stop trading off extras from the farm in exchange for beer and ‘All’ knows what._ I know the drill.”

“Well when you turn 18 you will be legal. I can’t lose you around here. You’d be wasted on the Wild. I know I don’t really say so, but you do what three men would do in a day. You’re just a quota machine.”

“…” Therese had to think of her reply, compliments did not come often. “Thank you?”

“… Take it as a birthday gift.” Therese gave the smoking woman her death glare, or the best one she could muster as milk dripped down her chin. “My lips are sealed. Anyway, you need to get running. Take the electric bike to the train station. Go to the Bureau. Do the test, grab your results, and on your way back pick up a box of washing powder. Just the large cheap kind.”

“Would you like a pony with that your highness?” Therese asked taking her bowl to the sink.

“Talking about ponies, Tommy is borrowing yours today.” _CLANG!_ The bowl smacked the bottom of the sink.

Silently furious, Therese forced her voice to become creepily calm. “What?”

“Tommy needs to borrow him. Because you’re out, we need someone to reach all the way out to the maize. Tommy’s is getting new horse shoes.”

“Tell him to use a bike.”

“He wouldn’t be back for his chores if he did. You know he’s useless on those things.”

“I hate anyone on Hugo but of all people, Tommy? He’s an ass! Only to me… Constantly. And Hugo is _mine_!”

“And you aren’t here to use for him today.”

“Like I have a fucking choice!”

“Therese!”

“Fuck! I never wanted this! I shouldn’t have to go and get _matched_. It’s not like I _love_ them or anything. Yet I am meant to have a child, put effort and time into a pointless relationship and nuclear family? No. I don’t think so.”

“Don’t joke about love Therese. It is a dangerous and _sick_ thing. Just look back over the past 1000 years. Look what it did to us. And if you need more proof then look back over the past 2 millennia. Now, go. Hugo will be _fine_. And if you’re lucky I’ll get him some birthday hay.”

Therese stormed out the kitchen slamming the front door behind her, grabbing her father’s large black denim vintage jacket and heading away from the farmhouse and towards the train station. After standing amongst the sea of black jumpsuits on the train she made her way to the Bureau.

“Therese Belivet. Here for my assessment.”

“Yes. You are expected. Please follow me.” The woman in the white pantsuit guided her through numerous corridors. All glass and interactive. Therese hated the city. Just a mirage of the society built on quicksand. She was soon directed to her own glass box, where she was hooked up to wires and cerebral padding. Just like they did six years ago.

“Please state your name, age and faction.”

“Therese Belivet. 16. Brunel.”

“Okay, Theresa.” _Moron._ “This is the first of 316 questions. Please answer as you may. You are not legally obligated to tell the truth but should be aware it could help your matching. Matching is a crucial part to our society. Not only does it prevent the need to find the disease of love but also makes it easier for you to understand one another and conceive. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“And you know that in this test you are under the SEEC and the laws of our founding fathers, The Panel.”

“Yes.”

“Perfect. Only 314 questions left.”

_Kill me._

Four and a half hours later the questions were over. And one lunch, a super market pit stop and three more hours she had her results.

  * Michael Brent. Brunel. Lumbar division. Age 19. Match – 53.14%
  * Ester Lloyd. Brunel. Assistance division. Age 14. Match – 56.31%
  * Richard Semco. Seacole. Paediactric division. Age 18. Match – 69.08%
  * Carolyn Ross. Einstein. Material Development division. Age 21. Match – 100%



_100%?!_

She looked over the number, certain there was a mistake. But it was there as clear as day. It was intriguing. But it made no difference to her. She was dead set against the system and its menial ways. So she screwed it up in her pocket and made her way back to the railway.

_It’s all bullshit._

///

**3053**

“Excuse me. Excuse me?” A soft voice called to Therese as she rowdily crashed her beer bottle against Dannie’s. “Excuse me!”

Therese whipped round in her barstool, getting up, swaying a little before squaring up to the stranger who dare interrupt her.

“What. Do. You. Want?”

“Are you Therese Belivet?”

“Depends who wants to know.”

“I’m Richard. Richard Semco…” The fair haired man tried to squeeze some distance between them to offer his hand to shake but failed in trying to do so as the intimidating brunette wouldn’t exit his personal space.

“Who the fuck are you, Richard Semco?” She breathed, the alcohol tinging her breath.

“Your match. Well maybe one of them. I don’t know. I may be the only one. Or not. I mean I don’t care. Not in a douche bag way but… I’m sorry you _are_ Therese, yes?”

“I am…”

“Okay…”

She breathed deeply, inhaling the ridiculously strong musky scent of the man in front of her. “You’re good looking Mr. Semco, I’ll give you that.” Although her beer goggles would make the 90 year old drunk Stephen, who sat in the corner of the rowdy bar each night, look hot.

“Er. Thank you. Anyway. I was won-“

“Do you want to get out of here?” Therese asked blatantly squeezing his mediocre bicep.

“G-G-Get out… Of here.”

“Like a brick fucking wall.” She muttered.

“I’m sorry?”

“Nothing. I said do you want to get out of here?”

“Sure. Yeah. Sure. Cool. Yeah. I mean, let’s get out of here.”

It wasn’t the first regret Therese had made in her life when it came to one night stands but it was definitely the longest. Richard was like a puppy. Hanging on her every need.

Refusing to leave in the morning. Eating all her Weetabix. Skipping days off work to _be with her_ then complaining to her how they had given him extra time and cut some of his holidays. Crashing her pub time. Throwing away her cigarettes because they were _bad for her_. Fixing Therese’s cuts and bruises. Obsessing over each and every one and feeling like a hero when they would heal.

All small things that pissed Therese off.

It was when Richard started to complain about having to wear a condom when they were so well matched was the last straw.

“Richard. I can’t do this!”

“What? All I asked was to spend some of your holidays. You have a year of holidays saved up or even better yet, give me a few. I could forfeit my future ones. We could get away.”

“First the pub. Then the condoms. Then the trip. Then my Weetabix.”

“Your Weetabix?”

“Do you even listen to half the things I say?”

“What do you want Terry?”

“I want to break up and I want you to stop calling me Terry.”

“Really? But you’re my Terry bear.”

“Oh you’re such a prick. I hate it. I hate that name. Therese was the name I was given and that I reply to. Please take the time to use it.”

“You know what fine! But in two weeks you’ll be crawling back to me. You’ll see! I hate this farm life anyway. The bugs. The moody matron. Your precious _fucking_ animals. You’re better matched with Hugo than me!”

“… I can’t believe you.”

“You can’t believe _me_?! Terry I was going to ask you to _mate_ me! I had a date and _everything_! You! You were the one! You had to be the one!”

“I _had_ to be the one?! What the _fuck_ does that mean?!”

“Nothing. I didn’t mean it…”

“Nah-ah. This is something. Bring up your matches.”

“If you’re jealous, the difference between you and them is that I want to mate _you._ You want to do this now?”

“Yes. Bring it up on the monitor… Do it!”

Richard obeyed, sulking over to it. Typing in his login and bringing it up. Therese scrolled through. Noticing a pattern.

“Richard, I’m the lowest match on here… Oh, I get it. You’re scared to match with a guy.”

“What?! That’s absurd!”

“Is it? I mean, I’m the only girl, a low match. Who’s this? Joseph. Einstein. 91%. I bet you he’s great.”

“…”

“Richard…”

“It’s not true… I just wanted you, Terry. I’ll leave… If that’s what you want.”

“I _want_ for you to stop calling me Terry.”

“Oh, fuck you!” He snarled, picking up his hat and coat and storming through her dorm room dorm. “Have a great life Terry.”

“Well that could have gone worse…” Therese smiled to herself. She grabbed a cigarette and her lighter, climbed out her bedroom window onto the roof and lit up, inhaling as she watched her ex-match ride away, pedalling furiously on his bike.

_Goodbye Richard Semco._

**3055**

It was a Sunday. Therese could lie in till 9 am today. And boy she needed it. Last night had been Dannie’s 20th birthday and to her revelation, he had gotten laid. Her name was Joanne, or Jane, maybe Louise. The name had slipped her mind along with everything else that morning.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Be-BANG_

She slammed the alarm clock with a clenched fist. Crawling out of bed before scrambling downstairs for some water. Matron was sat at the table, newspaper in hand, her cigarette in the other, which Therese routinely stole from her fingers to inhale and replace.

“Good morning to you too. Rough night?”

“Yes. Too rough. My fucking head. You’d think you’d get used to it.”

“It only gets worse with age. You reek like you’ve been in the wild for a week.”

“You’re too kind.”

“How does your beer quota not run dry?”

“It helps if you steal lightweight’s drinks and your homemade vodka when you’re not looking.” Therese smirked downing a gallon of water.

“I knew it was you. Cheeky sod!”

The doorbell chimed. “Who the hell is ringing at our door at 7am on a Sunday?”

“Well we won’t know until you open it. And Therese it’s 11:30.”

“Shit I must have passed out on the way to breakfast.”

“I was wondering what the thud was.” The doorbell chimed once more. “Go get the goddamn door.”

“Fine, you old witch.” Therese stumbled to the door. Opening it, but the bright sun forcing her to shut her eyes.

“Hi. M-My name’s-“

“One minute. Come in. I can’t see shit, my head is banging and I would deeply appreciate it if you just replied with a satisfied hum.” There was a brief pause before the stranger hummed. “Thank you. Now come in. I need to see if I have any fucking Weetabix left. The wild bred ferals in this house don’t understand the words ‘Keep off.’”

Therese turned away from the door, leaving it open for the stranger, finding Mrs Robichek had poured her breakfast for her and left. _Perfect._

She sat down at the small round table spooning in the brown slop until she could take no more. Her chin covered in oats.

She heard the stranger shift uncomfortably behind her. “You want some food?”

“… Err mmmhmmm…” The feminine voice hummed in acceptance.

“It’s okay you can talk now. It was just so bright. I have the worst hangover. I need to go see Hugo before he gets ratty with me. And I really didn’t want to speak to anyone without my trusty breakfast in me.”

The stranger rounded the table standing in front of it not knowing what quite to say.

“Here.” Said Therese, still not making eye contact. “Now, I don’t do this for just anyone. Have a Weetabix. There’s the milk. Fresh obviously.” She exclaimed pouring on the white goodness.

“Er-Thank you. I’m starved.” The deep but feminine voice rippled through her. Making the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. She finally looked up to be met with the most beautiful ocean blue eyes she had ever met, that shimmered with flecks of grey in the light. And when her vision widened and allowed her to admire the rest of the goddess that stood before her, the lump she called a brain couldn’t keep up as she tried to swallow, ultimately spluttering it all out back into her bowl. “Oh my goodness are you alright?”

The blonde knelt next to her chair, leaning on her leg for support which instantly started to burn, reaching for kitchen towel and gently wiping her face.

“Y-Yes…” She spluttered. “I’m fine- Thanks. I’m sorry you are?”

“Carolyn Ross, but please call me Carol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, i'm a sucker for a cliff hanger.  
> So... what are you thinking so far? I know there isn't much to go on, and compared to the rest of the series i have written these first few chapters are pretty short. I think i just get carried away with myself... ;)


	3. First Impressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a day early because i'm very busy tommorow. Enjoy ;)

Carol rang the doorbell after mustering up her courage to no avail so she rang once more.

 _It’s ok. Just say Hello. Be polite. Obey the SEEC. Make small talk. She must be 20 now. Jeez. Am I still too old? What were the rules of courting again?_ The door handle rattled as someone unlocked it. _Too late now. Just smile._

A petite raven haired girl opened the door, her arm flying to protect her eyes from the sun.

 _Here goes._ “Hi. M-My name’s-“

The brunette interrupted her, and as politely as one could ask her to shut up, leaving the door open to come in as she rattled on about her stolen breakfast. Carol followed the scent of stale beer and smoke.

She followed the young woman to the kitchen table, not quite knowing what to do with herself when she was offered food. She rounded the table where the woman sat eating and was about to sit to eat her own prepared meal when she looked up and met the most emerald green eyes she had ever seen. They were crisp and clear, even if they were hidden behind a jungle of messy dark hair. Her face was immaculate, her high cheekbones and cut jawline, contrasting from her large eyes but it all made sense as if she was drawn and created. Each piece measured perfectly.

The girl then began choking on the mushy cereal that dripped down her pale chin.

“Oh my goodness are you alright?” She asked in concern grabbing the closets roll of kitchen towel and rushing to the woman’s aid, cleaning her face and just at the side of her perfect soft mouth.

When she regained her breath and asked for her name, Carol gave it to her, not expecting what came next.

///

 _Holy shit, it’s her. She’s Carol Ross._ “And you are?” The blonde asked raising her eyebrows, not a hair out of place.

“Therese Belivet.”

The blue eyes widened, suddenly noticing their position. Only centimetres apart, her fingers brushing away the debris on Therese’s lips.

“…”

“…” They both were silent just basking in their revelation before Carol pulled back, taking her own seat, making Therese instantly miss her touch and scent that seemed to follow wherever Carol walked, leaving a trail of lust in her path.

“Are you… _my_ Therese?”

Therese kind of liked the way she said it and how the words fit together. But she just couldn’t let herself or Carol know that. “I am your match. Yes…” The silence lingered. “You’re Einstein I see.” Therese commented, an effort to shatter the tension between them.

“Yes…” Carol stirred her breakfast taking a tentative bite before humming in satisfaction and taking another. “I haven’t had Weetabix in years…” It was the first time Therese had wished to be cereal _. Actually that’s a lie but this time I really meant it._

“And, what do you do?”

“I test material. Make them. I recently made a new one which is being put into use around major cites now as an insulant.” _Oh please don’t be one of those._

“So you help make those big pretentious glass buildings?” Therese asked, her tone making it clear that this was a make it or break it question.

“No, no, no! It’s used for furniture mostly. It’s rather boring to be honest, but anything to use less electricity.”

“Yes. Of course.”

“And you?” The conversation flowed freely.

“I work here on the farm. I do a bit of everything-“

“Who’s Hugo?” Carol interrupted after not being able to wait any longer, coming out a little jealous. _Because I was._

Therese arched an eyebrow. “How do you know about Hugo?”

“You mentioned him on my way in. Is he your mate?” Carol asked not caring how intrusive she sounded as her brain wasn’t telling her to say these things. Her heart was.

“Ok. Let me get one thing straight. I don’t do this.” She gestured between them. “This _thing_. In the system? It’s not living. It’s existing. Out here, is the closest thing you can get to living and as many people see me gruelling work as menial, I think it’s a blessing from ‘All’ himself. And you and I. Yes, we are rare. 100%. But let’s cut the ‘meant to be’ crap. What are you here for?”

The serious tone shocked Carol. “To get to know you...”

“And that’s it?” Therese questioned, poking Carol further, but not breaking the blonde’s rather classy exterior.

“If that’s what you want.”

Therese stirred her cereal, looking into it for a second, contemplating whether she should ask Carol to leave there and then, but when she looked up into those grey stormy eyes, she wondered why she had thought such a preposterous thing.“… How long have you known… about me I mean?”

“About…well, since you were eleven.” She answered honestly.

“Nine years?! Nearly ten!” Carol nodded slowly to the brunette’s shocked face, tentatively taking another spoonful. “I’ve known of you for four… So why now?”

“I didn’t want to just turn up like this, but I couldn’t really think of an alternative. I knew I should give you time. Time to find and know yourself, find myself, and you’re 20 now… I just woke up this morning and thought ‘why not?’”

“… Ok” Therese replied hiding her astonishment of the latest revelation so she decided to change the subject. “… He’s a horse.”

“Who’s a horse?” The confusion setting over her perfect features.

“Hugo. He’s my horse.”

“Oh…” The silence fell upon them once more, Carol’s eyes flickering in her mental scolding, until Therese noticed the time on Carol’s watch as she admired her manicured nails.

“SHIT!” Therese shovelled the last few mouthfuls.

Startled, Carol choked a little before swallowing. “What?”

“No. it’s not you. I have to get up. I have so much work to do.” She got up from the table shoving her bowl in the sink before running over to the stairs, leaving the new intruder by the table. “Are you coming, or are you just going to sit there?”

Carol spooned the last few mouthfuls as elegantly as possible, finding it harder than Therese made it look and got up quickly repeating the brunette’s actions.

“I’ll come with.” She said, wiping some of the oats from her thick lips, not noticing how the green eyes were following her every movement.

“Okay! I mean if you’re here you may as well help out right. You never know, Einstein, you may learn something.”

The quip broke a smile over Carol’s face which Therese had to stop her thoughts for a second just to admire. Capture it in mental photograph. File it at the front of her memory. Remember each speck of light that illuminated the woman’s face because it was magnificent.

Carol followed the girl in a baggy black shirt and matching shorts to what she presumed to be her room. As soon as she entered the brunette started to fling off her clothes, folding them on her bed in her underwear.

“Oh I’m sorry.” Carol said, the crimson lighting up her cheeks making Therese chuckle. “I’ll wait outside-“

“No don’t.” Carol turned not quite sure where to direct her gaze, because it kept _accidently_ slipping down the black underwear clad form, admiring the contours of Therese’s body before scolding herself for doing so. “I mean, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before. Anyways, if you’re _that_ reserved then I don’t know how we are so well matched.”

“…” Carol slid her hands in her pockets, wanting to watch the brunette flutter round her room, pulling out her jumpsuit for the day, and in her efforts to direct her eyes anywhere else she noticed the pristine condition it was kept in. “Wow, this place is really neat. So neat you wouldn’t know anyone lived here.”

“Yeah. I like it this way. I like a routine. Order. But at the same time my own freedom.”

“Interesting. But no pictures? No friends or family on the wall?”

“No…” Carol saw a shadow of sadness flicker on the woman’s face, but it was gone as quick as it came. “… No one worth framing anyway. My Mother and Father were exiled.”

“…Oh.” Carol said, surprised by this sudden burst of candour and vulnerability. _I wonder what happened…_ “That’s awful. I’m sorry.”

“It was for having me, I was a second child, plus a suspicion of deviating from the cure and becoming infected. I know you were thinking it, don’t worry.”

 _Who is she…?_ “Er- I wasn’t. But still I’m sorry.” She gave up on her feeble attempt when Therese gave her a side eye that passed straight through her, whilst buttoning up her jumpsuit. _I just told her I am a feral and she hasn’t bolted from the house screaming… Interesting…_ Therese found everything about Carol interesting.

“It’s okay … Right. Is that all you own. Do you have any overalls?” Therese asked pointing to the scarlet red pencil skirt, heels and button up blouse. “I mean you look beautiful.” _Ridiculously sexy._ “But for some reason I don’t think that’s going to suit farm life…”

 _She thinks I’m beautiful?_ “Farm life?”

“You want to get to know me. Right?”

Carol nodded, her blonde curls framing her face as they followed suit. “Y-Yes.”

“Well, this is what I do every day. All day every day. Even on Sundays.”

“So you haven’t had a rest day?”

“Not in nine years… You wouldn’t believe how much holiday time I have saved up.”

“468 days. Give or take a few including if you worked on Public Holidays.”

“Yes… actually 453. A year and a bit … So that’s why you’re in Einstein.”

“Well, materials and polymers are my speciality but yes, I’m not too shabby in maths either. I’m sorry but I don’t have a change of clothes… I guess I wasn’t really thinking when I came here. I didn’t know what to expect.”

“An Einstein not thinking. Shouldn’t that big brain of yours tell you that’s an oxymoron?”

Carol tilted her head narrowing her eyes.“Our conversation is telling me that maybe you should be in Einstein…” The depth of her voice made Therese thankful she had her overalls on because goose bumps rippled over her skin.

“Like I’d have a chance, Miss Top 13%. Come with me.” She walked out of the room, with Carol in tow, down a few corridors leading to more doors. Each with numbers. “How tall are you?”

“5’8.”

“You don’t look two inches taller than me.”

“Heels.” Carol explained.

“Ah! Right.” She walked through a door into a room similar to her own. Inside a young boy around the age of 17 lay on the bed, surrounded by an explosion of clothes. “Phil you pig, it’s nearly 12pm! You know it’s because of people like you, Mrs Robichek smokes 10 more a day. How the fuck you live like this, I don’t even know. Do you have any clean clothes in this cave?”

The boy, not even opening an eye pointed to a wardrobe to his left, where Therese pulled out a jumpsuit, looking up and down, doing the same to Carol making the blonde’s hands a little clammy, before slinging it over her shoulder.

“Thanks.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” He called out.  As they neared the door. “What do I get for this _generous_ favour?”

Carol saw a look wash over the brunette’s face that read _I can’t be arsed_ before she turned around.

“You get my silence to Mrs Robichek that you sneak into Jennifer’s room at night. That good enough?”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me!” Therese called before she closed the door behind them walking back to her own dorm. “Here change into these.” Therese quipped chucking the clothing into Carol’s arms. The blonde just looked at her, a little shaken at the turn of events today was taking. She didn’t envision this but suspected that this was an experience she wouldn’t forget soon. “Oh don’t get shy on me now, Carol.”

Carol prayed that the heat in her cheeks wasn’t visible but something in Therese’s eyes told her it was, so she steeled herself, _she just never stops moving…_ The brunette walked over to her wall swiping through her schedule that had lit up on the wall. Her eyes flickered to the changing blonde in the mirror, unable to contain her stare that unabashedly looked her up and down.

 _Thank god she’s in Einstein._ She thought as she couldn’t help but think how sexy she looked in red as Carol pulled the baggy jumpsuit over her athletic frame, her long legs disappearing into the legs of it.

“Like what you see?” Carol said, calling her out as she had caught the brunette’s small lip bite and raging eyes in the mirror in front of her.

Therese straightened up in surprise before smiling at the floor, brushing off the rare feeling of embarrassment and returning to her usual self. “So she has a sense of humour.”

“I never said I didn’t. And is this… Allowed?” Carol replied, Therese turning round now that she was fully dressed, not that it mattered.

“I don’t know. But live a little! Something tells me those heels aren’t going to work either. Here put these on.” She handed her a pair of black combat boots, which Carol quickly tied on and Therese did the same with her favourite work boots that gave her another inch. “Adorable.” Therese spoke her mind.

“Who, Me?” Carol asked a little incredulously.

“No. My bedside table. Yes you.”

“You know I’m five years your senior.”

“You know that you look like a fish out of water.” Therese imitated Carol.

Carol punched Therese lightly on the arm. “I do not sound like that!”

“Ok, 13% ok.”

“And don’t call me that!”

///

“This is Hugo. Hugo, Carol.” Therese walked up to the black beauty. Each dark hair neatly trimmed and impeccably well kept.

Carol’s eye were wide as she looked upon the beast. “Oh my god. It’s huge.”

“Let me guess. You’ve never seen one before.” Therese knew not many from the city had.

“Well I’ve seen pictures. But… no. Not really. I had no reason to. They are only used in the agricultural sectors.”

Therese had a thought as she gazed at the blonde looking over Hugo in awe and wonder, kind of wishing she was in her line of sight.

“Well. He’s mine. And know that, what I’m about to do, is a big thing, alright?” Carol nodded. “Here. Take this brush and brush along the grain. From top to bottom. And don’t mess it up. Usually if people even touch Hugo I’d snap their wrist, but since we’re ‘ _100%_ ’ you can’t be half bad at it…” Carol felt special, but also terrified as she slipped her hand into the handle, brushing the bristles along her palm. “Well go on…” Therese urged.

“I know it sounds silly but I don’t want to mess it up. He’s obviously very precious to you.”

“Don’t be stupid, Einstein. Here.” Carol held the brush to her but Therese pushed her to the horse, pressing up against her from behind and taking Carol’s hands in her own.

Carol felt as if her back was burning, each shift of fabric sparking new fires. “Now start here. This is where I’ll saddle him so it’s important for his fur to be comfortable. Understand?” Therese asked softly.

Carol nodded once more, incapable of words, as the hand clasping her own helped her brush over the dark fur. Carol felt the warmth of Therese’s body, pressed and moulded to hers, just like their hands, before it left the touch of hers all too quickly and instantly felt longing for it to be there once more. Missing its presence.

“There we go. You’re a natural. Maybe _too_ natural. I wouldn’t want to lose him to you.”

“Oh, I could never…” She continued to brush as Therese picked up a tool and began to pick dirt out of the horse’s hooves. It was Carol who broke the comfortable silence. “So why are you so possessive over him? Don’t the others in the house need to use him?”

“Oh no. He’s mine and mine alone.” Therese answered grunting as she picked out a small pebble. “I guess he’s the only thing I can really call mine. When I die, my clothes will be passed on to another Brunel. My room, another worker. I will be gone and I will have no legacy. But him. He will know me his entire lifetime. So I will care for him. Because he’s the only thing I let myself have really.”

“Do you not think about having a child? Leaving something for them maybe?”

“No, I don’t think so...” Therese replied, the simplicity in her answer not really opening the topic up for much discussion so Carol left it, they had only met less than an hour ago, even though Gen and Abby had talked about children from their third minute of introductions. “Right!” Therese called, fastening a saddle and mounting easily. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?!” Carol asked dumbfounded.

“To get on…” The words still hadn’t registered with the blonde. “Look, I have shit to do. I even managed to get you a jumpsuit because you’d fall off in a minute riding in that ridiculously tight skirt. I mean seriously how do you walk? So you have two options. Come with me. Maybe open your eyes that I can tell are wasted behind a glass screen. Or, put on your uncomfortable shoes and leave this house knowing a few facts more about one of your many matches.”

“…What makes you think I have many matches?” Carol crossed her arms, challenging the brunette.

“You’re kind, spirited, good looking and smart. I am adept enough to make an educated guess.”

Carol scoffed. “Darling…That’s refreshing.”

“Fine, don’t come. To be honest I’m surprised you’ve made it this far. So far I’ve offered you cereal, made you strip and help me with my job. ‘All’ knows what you must think of me.”

“Do you want to know what I think of you?” Carol asked, determined to let this sudden blushing girl attitude of hers slip away and become herself. “I think you’re scared. Of having something to lose. And I think you’re unique. I think that, even though you’re young, you’ve been forced to grow up quickly and that if you give me a chance to penetrate your steel walls, you might actually like me. I think you’re… You’re…” Carol took a breath as the green eyes seemed to study her.

“…”

“Flung out of space…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penny for your thoughts?


	4. First Contact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thursday like i promised ;)

They both stood there, not breaking eye contact apart from the blinks their bodies compelled them to do.

_Who is this woman? This is not how a court normally works, although I guess we are both far from normal… I’m an open book yet she is already reading through the lines…_

“You know what…” Therese began, swinging her slender frame off the horse landing on her feet. “I’m too late. I’ll have to ride Hugo later. I need to get a lot of shit done. And hopefully sometime today.”

Carol sighed as she thought she must have got nothing through to the thick skinned farmer.

“I’m sorry for being _such_ a nuisance to you, Therese.”

“Don’t be, in fact, I should be thankful. Because if you hadn’t been, I definitely wouldn’t have done this today.” She said strolling out of the stable and into the barn next door. “C’mon!” She called out, to which Carol hurried to.

They stopped in front of a large dusty white sheet.

“Take it off. I dare you.” Therese teased motioning to the large cover. “Go on! It won’t bite.” She said with a chuckle. Carol neared it, wondering what was underneath, running her hands over the white expanse before scrunching her hands in it. For some reason, Therese felt her body tense unknowingly before she rolled out her shoulders to get rid of the weird sensation. As she did, she swore she saw Carol smile, maybe out of excitement, before in one big swoop, pulling off the covers to reveal the prize underneath.

“What the-“

“Isn’t she gorgeous?”

“How do you have this? I’ve only seen them in documentaries of the dark days.”

“Every farm has four. This one, broke. Way too expensive to fix. They don’t make them any more either as I’m sure you can assume. But I spent a couple of months scavenging. Picking up bits. When you’re in Brunel, you’re part of a community. One where we use our _hands_ and our _brute_ _strength_ , we _graft_ and we _accomplish_. So with some help, and hard work… I fixed her. And with a few cans of black spray paint left over from the sheep barn renovation, I gave her a fresh coat. The Triumph Bonneville T100. One of our last remaining petrol motorbikes… What do you think?”

“I think she’s magnificent. Truly magnificent.” Carol exclaimed in awe.

Therese turned her gaze solely to the blonde admiring the curves of her hidden beauty before answering. “Yes, isn’t she just…?”

“But how does she run? Oil ran out years ago…”

“Well, it didn’t really did it? Yes we ran out but there are always traces, remnants left. Yes she uses petrol, but think about it… we have barely any oil left but with those trace amounts and a smaller population here than there was in the dark days there is more to go around. They still scavenge for it in the sea… And none of that oil is used in cities or housing, everything is electric and the electricity provided is clean. But, The Panel couldn’t afford to make combine harvesters and all these farming machines from scratch just to make them electric. No. They could do so for cars and trains, because they were needed by everyone, but there was no point doing so for things so few people needed. Therefore they kept the oil powered ones. All the remaining oil they find is sent to the farms. They decided that they didn’t care how it was used as long as we kept our quota, ergo motorbikes. Each farm has one petrol, and 3 electric.”

“And she’s yours?” Carol asked admiring the sleek body of the bike.

“All mine. I’m the only one who took the time to learn to ride her, keep her in a good condition. Only a few know I have her, and now you... So tell me…? Do they still feel like steel walls?” Therese had decided after Carol’s outburst, that she might actually try and give the blonde a chance. Especially because she seemed as stubborn as she was.

“More like Titanium.” Carol chuckled, making the brunette scoff.

“Fine. Anyway, we’re losing daylight.” She said grabbing it by the handles and wheeling it out. Carol followed watching her swing a leg over and sit comfortably. “What you waiting for…” She ignited the engine, the piston’s efforts purring through the air which sent heat straight to the junction between Carol’s thighs. “Get on.”

“And you’re sure this is safe?” Carol asked crossing her arms.

“Oh, I never said it was safe-” Therese saw Carol’s mouth open to protest. “-BUT you will be fine… just lean with me on the corners and don’t freak out.”

“Promise?”

“…” Therese stayed silent as something dawned on her.

“What’s the matter? Is there something wrong with my overalls?”

“No, you look - very fine - it’s just… I haven’t been asked to promise something in a very long time…”

Carol heard the change of tone in Therese’s voice and for some reason it made her want to drag her off that beast and wrap her, safely, in her arms. But she refrained and kept herself grounded, not quite knowing what had come over her, tightening her crossed arms to keep them at bay.

“Well then. _Can_ you promise me that I will be alright?”

“… Yes, yes I promise.” Therese said, her first oath meaning more than one thing to her, as she out stretched her hand to the nervous blonde.

“Well… alright then…” Carol said, wiping her sweaty palms on her jumpsuit before taking Therese’s in her own. The electricity crackled through their joint palms and soft touch. “How do I do this?” She managed to squeak out, her heart thumping faster, hoping Therese couldn’t see her pulse jumping in her wrist.

“Just swing your leg over, get your balance and put your feet on your foot rests and make sure you’re leg doesn’t touch the exhaust, it gets hot.”

“The what? You mean this hanging metal thingy?”

“Yes, the hanging metal thingy.” Therese replied, visibly rolling her eyes, and when she directed them back at Carol she could see the worry, and decision mulling in her head. “C’mon, _live a little_ … Get on.” Carol obeyed, with grunt and a yelp.

“Alright I’m on. Shit… we’re going to die. Haven’t you got a helmet?”

“For my illegal bike? No, now shift forward a bit.” Carol did. “I don’t want you falling off round the corners or tipping my balance.” She scooted forward so that their hips met. With Carol’s legs this far apart and them so close she had to steady her breathing.

“Ok. Where do I hold on to?”

“On to me Einstein.”

“Like this?” She asked lightly placing her hands lightly on Therese’s waist.

“If you want to go flying you’re doing it perfectly.”

Carol sighed and tentatively wrapped her arms around the slim body in front of her.

“That wasn’t that hard now was it?” Therese teased, her quip met with a pinch to her ribs. Therese knew that Carol could have held on to the rails at the back just as easily but the warmth of her body moulded against her own, was too good an opportunity to surpass.

///

_What is love?_

_A disease. A sickness. To be feared and controlled. A feeling to refrain from, or face your consequential demise. We are taught from birth… So how could I be anything but loveless? I am normal… So why do I have to remind myself of the answer?_

_I know that, art, passion, poetry, are all symptoms of love. But grandmother, always being a bit of a rebel, had always told me stories that had been passed down through generations… when the rich fled and all the poor dwelled in was their lost love. The illness that had infected them all for so long, they grew to miss it. But we now know better._

_Do you remember when Grandmother used to say that love, once brought joy? Before it festered into an ugly disease, mutating and tearing people apart, driving them crazy… it once brought together the most unlikely things. The most unlikely people. Made even the most depressed of people happy at one point._

_And her reminder, her book. An illegal treasure, as it was a book of love. Or as she would call it THE book of love. Technically it was a play I would tell her but she would just waft off my correction with a flick of her wrist._

_Romeo and Juliet._

_I read it, and once through was absolutely distraught. I knew they would die from the opening stanza, but I had built so much hope. And the description of this wonderful **thing** that could distinguish feuds and was enough to commit suicide over. Some **thing** that could render two people helpless in one look. A **thing** that would make you heart thump faster and even skip a beat. It sounded magical. I’m sure you can recall._

_But soon, mother had found me reading it, and made me burn it in the fireplace. Scared that it still carried the virus, and the consequences if the Panel ever found out._

_Once again love brought sadness in its absence._

_I have no reason why I thought of that memory. No possible explanation why it came to mind, I just felt that I would mention it so one day I could look back… Reminisce._

_But I have something which I’m sure is still fresh in your mind. Today I met Therese. Therese Belivet. I hope you are familiar with the name. ‘All’ must be disgraced at how many times I will write it… Seems silly writing about my day in a diary when I know I will never forget…_

_She was, not how I expected. But I had the most exhilarating day. She makes me feel… alive. Like my life is menial compared to the adventure that her life is… Is this what matches are meant to feel like? When others describe it, they chose each other because they had similar, interests, and saw new things. They never described this warmth or sense of belonging, just satisfaction that they are contributing._

_I arrived at the house and she didn’t even look at me at first. Just invited me in, gave me breakfast and then started to choke when I had just began to eat. We made introductions and there was this… electricity._

_We went upstairs and she changed… I can’t believe she changed. It must have been a blessing from ‘All’. She’s slim and sexy and the black against her smooth skin just makes me want to rip it off with my bare teeth, or wrap my arms around her from behind, or anything really, just to see that smile which I feel she doesn’t do often. To see it is like a gift._

_Anyway, she got me a jumpsuit too. It was weird to be in black. Up until ten I was in orange, like all the other children, and then red, to wear another colour was crazy… and even though I accused her of it later, I knew she was checking me out when I changed, like I was an object of desire, I could feel her eyes roaming over me, and it made me feel…sexy? In a way? Like I was 18 again, blushing at those who would ask to court me._

_I feel I made a breakthrough, in the stables, brushing Hugo who is just beautiful and… massive. Then the bike. That mother fucking bike. The vibrations? I swear I could feel myself subconsciously grinding down into her. What she must think of me…The only thing cooling me down was the wind rushing through my hair. I had never felt so alive. At the beginning I was holding onto her for dear life, ready to tap her twice on the shoulder as the signal to stop, but a couple minutes I was reaching my hand into the passing atmosphere, letting my hair flail, feeling as if I was a bird, flying through the sky, so free…_

_The whole day felt like that. From when we got off to feeding all those animals… so many fucking animals. She has named each one individually. Which I find ridiculously sweet. I began to twine rope for a new lock to the pen whilst she fixed one and oh my All… She had gotten too sweaty and tied her jumpsuit sleeves around her waist… tucking her raven shoulder length hair behind her ear. She bites her lip when she’s concentrating, and seeing her in that black tank… help me._

_Afterwards she took me to a hill with a small shed on top. From there she brought out two cheese baguettes and some waters from the mini fridge. We sat on the grass and discussed work. Her schedule, my new polymer. Just light talk._

_Lunch finished and after that went to fix one of the corn field sprinklers in a huge honeycomb glass dome. The controlled environment growing food for winter. I felt so bad, my hand slipped from the water main and she got soaked, wet chunks of mud flying up into her. Fuckkkk…_

_She’s right, for an Einstein, I can be an idiot… a fucking idiot…_

///

“SHIT!” Carol watched the water fly as she rushed to the soaked woman, who was crouched, turning away from her the water raining from overhead. “I’m sorry, are you alright? Fuck the mud’s everywhere.”

Carol got no reply, she could only see the brunette’s toned shoulders rising and falling.

“Therese, I’m sorry, truly. Please don’t be mad. Therese?”

“C-Could you go turn off water…please?” She said, her raven hair dripping, covering her eyes.

“Yes, of course.” Carol turned back to walk down the end of the cornrow, back to where the control box stood, silently cursing herself all the way.

And that’s when she felt it two huge handfuls of mud land on her ass, smearing the earth down her thighs. Even though she had on her overalls the cold water soaked through, sending shivers down her body.

“What the?!” Carol squealed, turning in circles to see two swiping muddy handprints dragged down her thighs.

“There now we’re even!”

 _She’s crazy._ “B-But you were angry. You-“

“I was joking!” The smile Carol liked, widening on her muddy face accompanied with a wink. “That was pay back, and don’t you dare try to wipe it off. You’ll just make the mess bigger!”

“You’re so… so…” Carol’s eyebrows knitted as she tried to find the words.

“I know. C’mon. Let’s get you back. The sun is setting and we still need to give hay to the horses and pile up some of the bales. It just looks lighter in here because of the synthetic UV.”

Carol sighed looking up to the pixelated sky, on the dome before joining her match on the motorbike, now used to the sound of its steady purr but not to the vibrations yet.

As they left the cornfields behind, heading back towards the big farmhouses, Carol tightened her embrace and rested her forehead on Therese’s back, stifling a yawn.

“You ok back there?” Therese called feeling Carol’s cold nose nuzzle her shoulder blade, praying her back wouldn’t tense with the sensation.

“Yes… just exhausted…”

“Exhausted? We barely did anything today.”

“We did?”

“Yeah! Welcome to Brunel life.” Carol only yawned once more and nuzzled closer. “Don’t fall asleep on me now.” Therese could feel those full lips that she had been trying to refrain from staring at all day brush up against the crevices of her back and she felt her body tremble. She tried to cough it off but that only forced Carol to loosen her grip before tightening it. “I-I just don’t want to crash.”

“…I won’t…”

Therese blinked hard trying to clear her mind before accelerating, wanting to get home as she couldn’t take it anymore.

They pulled up and got off, putting the bike under the sheet once more and going past the stables to the barn where the hay was kept.

“Tell you what,” Therese started going to a wall of tools and picking up a knife. “Take this, _be careful_ , and a hay bale.” She pointed to the tied up cuboid of dry grass. “Go into Hugo’s cube and cut off the ties, then come back and I should have finished stacking these few. Ok?”

Carol smiled, and then smiled a little wider.

“What?” Therese asked, slightly confused, her eyes narrowing.

“Knocking on those steel walls.”

Therese frowned. “What are you on about?”

“Are you sure you trust me enough to feed your horse mate?” Carol smirked.

“My horse _mate_? Are you jealous of Hugo?” _That wiped it off straight away._

“No I’m not jeal-“

“Ok, Carol.” Therese smirked.

“I’m not! And if anything _you’d_ be jealous.”

“I would be? Why would I?”

“Because this _hot thang_ is going to spend more time with him today than you are.” Carol winked, the colloquial words from in her smooth deep voice making Therese’s heart beat a little faster.

She tried to brush off the feeling. “Hot thang? You’re pretty sure of yourself.”

“Oh, Angel. _You_ reassured me.”

Therese through the bale turning abruptly. “When?!”

“You’ll have to be careful of the mirrors in your room Therese, next time I might just change in the bathroom!”

Therese placed both hands in the air in mock surrender. “Alright! Alright! Just go feed him…” Carol rounded the corner on her way to the stables after picking up a hay bale but heard a small. “Knocking on those fucking walls.” As she left.

She heaved the block which was surprisingly heavy to the horse’s block before letting herself in.

“Hey Hugo.” The horse snorted in response. “I’m fucking exhausted. I don’t know how your mama does it every day… But you really are a beautiful horse aren’t you…”

The horse stayed still as she cut off the ties rustling the hay a little and turning back to the black beauty.

She stared at him in awe as he made his way over to her and the food, slowly, and as he neared she let him pass, stroking his silky coat as he bent to eat. She stayed a little longer just liking the feel of the fur between her fingers before leaving the pen and locking up once more.

When she returned to the barn, noticing how dark it had gotten so quickly, Therese was nearly finished. “Hey just chuck me that last one will you?”

“Sure.” She picked it up, with considerable effort and threw it up to Therese who was stood a couple of hay bales up.

“Thanks. Done.”

Carol looked towards the barn entrance. “It’s dark outside now. No street lights or anything. Must make this place kind of scary.”

“What are you on about? It makes it ten times better!”

“How? Don’t you get scared? There’s no light, just you and the dark sky…”

“Oh… You haven’t seen it. I forget, 13 here, lives in a city with all those city lights.”

“What haven’t I seen?”

“Climb up here.” Carol looked at the mountain of hay and staggered up, her limbs tiring as she followed Therese higher until they reached the ceiling of the barn. Therese crawled to a certain spot before picking up a roofing panel and moving it aside, climbing through the small hatch. She held a hand down for Carol and took hers to help her up. “Close your eyes.” A little weary, Carol raised a brow. “I won’t push you off the roof, I _promise_.” Therese joked as Carol obeyed her command, rising through the roof. “Ok, now lay down.”

She complied once more, the galvanized aluminium roof contrasting against her back.

“Ok…” Therese said letting go of her hand, which she instantly missed. “Now, open them.”

An audible gasp filtered from Carol’s lips as her grey eyes witnessed a beautiful galaxy, tearing its way across the sky, the blues, whites and purples exploding, tearing at the darkness, mixing together like they were always meant to be illuminated by starlight, singing towards her.

“Therese…” Carol had no end to the sentence… But it didn’t need one, she just felt the need to say her match’s name.

“Sometimes I sit alone under the stars, and think of galaxies inside my head and truly wonder if anyone will ever want to make sense of all that I am…”

“…” The words hit Carol like a Tsunami over a city, crushing everything in its path, washing away everything stable leaving a mind of emotional debris. Therese had been dying to tell someone for a while, but Carol had been the only one she felt comfortable telling

“My mother used to tell me… That when people died they became stars, as the skies were the heavens above. Stars are in fact ghosts, their lights shining from years and years ago to meet us, a little glimpse into the past, so why can’t ghosts have souls? She used to point them out to me, try and teach me about the stars - I was only young and I can’t remember much... She was an Einstein like yourself - had dark black hair, darker than mine, and these blue eyes that resembled the blue in water – I think of her often. I look to the stars and wonder if she is looking at the same sky thinking of me… I wonder if she is one of those stars sometimes. Selfishly, I sometimes pray to ‘All’ that she were, so that I could see her every night when I look up, and know that we humans are made of star stuff, well she is too…”

Therese’s lips hung open a little longer, contemplating whether to go further, but she opted to look at the blonde who lay next to her, only to find that Carol was staring at her.

“Caro-“

“Shhh. It’s alright” Carol whispered, the noise blessing Therese’s ear drums as it instantly soothed her; she felt something tickle her fingers and then move between them, and without even looking down she knew it was Carol lacing her fingers with her own.

And as they squeezed ever so gently, to keep each other grounded, they saw new galaxies appear, in the irises of each other’s eyes.

_I was right. We are made of star stuff._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carl Sagan - We're made of star stuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.  
> That was inspiration for the end of this chapter.  
> Hey guys! I know it's only the seventh but i'm so excited for Christmas... All the lights are twinkling in the streets. It just feels festive this year.  
> Leave thoughts down below, i love talking to you guys ;)


	5. Deprivation

“AND THEN?!?!”

“And then, what, Abby?”

“You can’t just end a killer story like that with, ‘we just gazed into each other’s eyes’. What the fuck happened?!”

“Nothing…”

“NOTHING?! I call bullshit! Anyone else call bullshit? We all can bullshit Carol!”

“Abby, quieten down, no one in this neighbourhood wants to be roused by us two, plus if we are caught on, we may lose our holiday and I can’t.”

“I’ll shut up if you tell me what happened.”

Carol sighed in defeat as she downed the rest of her red wine. “Well, we stayed on the roof for a while just, being with each other and came down. We got back on the bike, she rode me to the station and as I was leaving she asked if she would see me again…”

“You’re actually killing me, SPILL!”

“And I said ‘what do you do on Sundays?’ She said ‘not much, the same kind of thing.’ So I asked if I could come visit her. And she said that she would pick me up from the station.”

“You’re fucked aren’t you?”

“Yes… utterly and truly. I just don’t know though Abby.”

“You had an amazing day, new experiences, fun, saw a different lifestyle. Thoroughly enjoyed yourself. Held hands under the stars and talked about past history. You’re pretty sure she is going to be your mate since you get on so well but… you’re not sure. Forgive me but I don’t follow…”

“You haven’t met her Abby. I think then you would understand… She’s different.”

“Different _how_?”

“I don’t know, she’s just so young and the one mention of the future, she said ‘I don’t think so’. What the fuck is that meant to mean? And I don’t want to push this on her… not at all, I get the feeling she doesn’t open up to just anyone… She’s defended for herself her entire life… I just don’t know what to do.”

“It is too early and I am too drunk to give sound advice. Can we talk in the morning? Just pass out on the couch. Maybe watch a new documentary out? I don’t want to go upstairs. Gen will make me change Daisy if she wakes.”

“Fine, although Gen looked exhausted, maybe you _should_ change Daisy.”

“I do _all_ the time, it’s just I’m so fucking sleep deprived; it feels like the crying doesn’t stop at night. Gen is much more accustom to this, motherhood, thing. Very to the point. She gets shit done, I... panic…”

“Well, be happy you found such a compatible mate and that she is so soothing with Daisy.”

“You know who else is good with Daisy? You. I have a golf tournament tomorrow with some friends from work and Gen is going for dinner with her parents. Would you mind?”

“Not at all. But wouldn’t you rather do those things together? I mean, you and Gen have very separate social lives. You could make the effort and try doing things with her that you didn’t like to make her happy.”

“Carol, I’m not infected. Don’t be stupid. Now, I have been waiting to watch this with you all week. Gen hates these things.”

“So what’s the documentary on this time?”

“About this thing called Christmas that people celebrated in the dark days. It looks really interesting. All about how there was this huge divide between rich and poor. They would speed up deforestation and bring the fallen trees inside, and decorate them. Fight and brawl over items in shops all for a loving holiday. It sounds savage.”

“Why not… I mean, that’s all there is on this darn screen. Don’t you wish there was something, not real. Made up. Using imagination…something different.”

“Careful Carol, I know you just had a new experience but talk like that will only land you in trouble. Imagination and fiction, mixed together and streamed to minds across the country? Well that’s an epidemic waiting to happen isn’t it? We would all need another shot. What is with you tonight?”

“Yes I guess you’re right.”

“You’re just bored is all, now go and get the blankets… I’m cold.”

Abby grinned noticing Carol narrowing her eyes. “Lazy.”

“I know.” Carol picked up the woolly throw, sitting down. After a while her eyes glanced at the time. “Oh, Abby I have to go. It’s past midnight and I have a presentation tomorrow,”

“Oh one more! C’mon it’s tradition, watching TV and getting drunk for the new year. You have the rest of 3056 to make good decisions. Make a bad one!”

“You’re a bad influence…”

“I know…”

///

“So Therese, where were you all day, I see you only got through half of your schedule.” Mrs Robichek asked, blowing on her beef stew before spacing the spoonful in her mouth. Therese knew it had gotten round to her. As it did every night as they made their way round the table.

Therese acutely felt every pair of eyes round the small tables pushed together, look towards her, seventeen pairs to be precise, along with the quite clatter of spoons hitting bowls.

“Yes, I was a bit hungover. I’ll try catch up tomorrow…”

Phil scoffed. “Terry? A hangover? Almost unheard of.” If looks could kill Phil would be twitching on the floor from all the daggers Therese was shooting with her gaze.

“Yes, well. I’m only human.” Therese replied, trying to keep her calm amongst the misfit family.

“So was that _hot bird_ you had in your room.” Therese’s grip tightened around her spoon. Her fingers turning white with pressure.

“Phil, honey… Shut up.” Jennifer chimed in.

“An Einstein? Tall, blonde. I saw _Terry_ take her into the stables; who knew _tiny_ _Terry_ would land a stunner like her.” Tommy carried on for him.

Mrs Robichek could sense the frustration radiating off of the brunette. “Now, boys, I know you like to tease but leave her alone, she works twice as hard as you guys combined.”

Therese met Tommy’s line of vision, seeing a little twinkle in his eye. _Evil little shit._ “I wonder if she got to even look at the _precious_ Hugo. How _you_ managed to keep her around, only ‘All’ knows. And when she got in today she was soaked, did you _really_ make her slave away all day?”

_Just breathe._

“I’m pretty sure I saw mud all up her arse as well. Terry getting a little handsy and forgetting to wipe away her evidence… Either that or the blonde is dirty enough to do it in the fields, feral style-”

_Snap._

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Therese threw away they wooden table that separated then as if it was a the lightest thing in the world clasping her hand around his throat, bringing their faces so close that Therese could feel his nervous breaths blowing on her face. “You can chat _shit_ all you like, but don’t you **DARE** say anything about Carol.” She barked, his feeble attempts at clawing at her hands strong hands failed.

“Tee, sweetie, let him go. This isn’t the way to resolve anything.” Mrs R tried to diffuse the situation.

Therese squeezed a little harder, the smirk still smeared over Tommy’s face as he turned shades of red and purple. “But he’s an _asshole_ , who still doesn’t know when to shut his mouth.”

“Well I’m sure he’s learnt his lesson. Now put him down or she won’t be allowed to visit again!”

Therese weighed her options, let go of that slimy git writhing in her grasp and see Carol, or, hold on, having the satisfaction of seeing him pass out, but not seeing her again.

It was a simple decision in her head but a hard one for her body. She tightened bringing him closer. “Speak of her again, and I’ll make sure Mrs R isn’t here to save you.” She snarled before pushing him back, bringing her twitching hands to her side. The sound of Tommy gasping air into his lungs filled the silent room as she turned to the rest of the dining room… They looked terrified. “I’m… I’m sorry. Please finish your meals. Have my spare share. I’m not hungry anymore. Goodnight.”

“So the bimbo’s name is Carol. Good to know.” Tommy managed to gasp out.

_Red._

Therese turned on the ball of her feet running to man on the floor soothing his neck but as she got to the doorway Phil appeared, using his wide chest and calming words to block Therese’s advances. “You son of a bitch! Phil let me rip the smug from his face!”

“That’s what he wants Terry! Just leave him! Don’t give him the satisfaction. C’mon let’s go.”

She stopped fighting, running out the door to the stables, leaving the gawping faces in her wake and a path of hoof prints as she took off on Hugo. _How could I let him get to me…? Again! HOW?!_

Mrs Robichek helped Tommy up signalling the rest to leave the room. She poured him a glass of water as everyone filed out.

“Tommy, you know you can get to her. Why can’t you just leave the poor girl alone?”

“You know why.”

“But it’s not her fault. You place blame on her because you have no one else to place blame on. You’re 23 years old yet you still act like the child I was given, acting out, making trouble.”

“Well maybe I would be a little different if she didn’t screw up everything she touched. Just watch. She’s like a ticking time bomb. And she’ll blow up, destroying _everyone_ in her path, including that new blonde, Carol.”

“…You know what?” The auburn woman stood, chucking him the cloth. “You caused this mess you clean it.”

“What?! That’s not fair!” Tommy shouted after to the woman lighting her cigarette.

“I don’t care. If you don’t I’ll take away your Sundays for a month. Act like a bitch get treated like a bitch.” And with that Mrs Robichek left to sit on the porch for her evening smoke, leaving Tommy on the floor with a hand on his throat and the kitchen aftermath surrounding him.

“FUCK!”

///

Hugo was a thorough bred, and because he was, Therese made sure to keep him well and fit. It was times like this she would thank her past self, as she sped across the farm, out of its land. The wind rushed past her, the only sound; the four clops of horse hooves hitting the ground with speed.

_Fuck him! Why won’t he just leave me alone?! It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my damn fault!_

After a while she slowed, pulling on the reins, urging Hugo to slow as they approached the next farmhouse over.

She hoped off quickly, tying Hugo’s reins to the gate before approaching the house. She rapped on the door furiously until a girl opened the door. She opened her mouth, presumably to say hello, but Therese cut her off. “Is Dannie home? I need to see him it’s urgent.”

“Y-Yeah. One mo. DANNIE!”

Soon after Dannie came bouncing down the steps, happy as always. “Oh! Hey T! It’s Sunday, today isn’t a pub day.”

“I know Dannie, I just. I’m sorry can we go somewhere else? I have Hugo. Can you get Gin? I really need to talk to you.”

“Yeah sure. Let me just get her from the stables.” He trotted off leaving Therese with her thoughts. Every time she came to this house it always weirded her out. She would never get over how each farm was the same. Same Stables, same dorms, same kitchens.

It made sense obviously. The only difference between her own farm and the 7 surrounding where the specialities. Dannie’s was Coffee. Therese’s, being a large sector, was corn, maize, barley and livestock. Others specialised in Trees, biomass, solar energy and herbs etc.

They were quite clever actually. A Farmhouse for ages 16 and up. Therese was given exception at age ten, after her parents and her incompatibility with her foster parents. She would always be thankful for that. But before she had any more time for her thoughts to darken, Dannie was trotting out on Gin.

“Ok. Follow me. JA!” He said, jolting Gin into galloping.

Twenty minutes later they were the lake they both enjoyed skipping rocks on.

“So, tell me T. What’s up?”

“Tommy.”

“Oh! That dickhead again?! I don’t know why he won’t leave you alone.”

“I don’t either.” She lied. “He just won’t let go…”

“So what did he say this time?”

“He… mocked a… a friend of mine.”

“Which friend?”

“You don’t know her.”

“I don’t know her? Well that’s impossible. I can count your friends on one hand. Myself, Phil, Jennifer, and we aren’t counting Richard. So who’s the mystery lady?”

“Her name is Carol.”

“As in 100% Carol?”

“Yes…”

“And…is she all the test promised her to be?”

“More…. Fuck… She’s amazing. Like no one I’ve ever met before. She’s funny and hot, and never replies the way I would expect. She’s … different.”

“So what did Tommy do?” he asked, skipping his stone across the water.

“He called her a bimbo and easy. He said that I’d gotten all handsy with her. That it was wrong to make her work all day even though it wasn’t like that, he just kept… pushing! Implying she was some better off slag who wouldn’t give two shits about a working girl like me.”

“You know he does it to get a reaction. You have to be stronger than that T. Stronger than him.”

“I am stronger than him. It was evident when he couldn’t remove my hands from around his throat.” She snarled, remembering his face turning an unhealthy shade of red.

“Oh fuck’ sake T.” His stone didn’t skip, just plonked into the water. “And you know why you feel shitty now? Even though you over powered him, he still won. Because you reacted.”

Therese sighed. “I know-“

“Do you? It’s the only way you’ll beat him at this game. You’re stuck on a loop! Flick the switch, stop this trainset because you’re just going round in circles.”

“Ok.”

“Okay?”

“Ok…”

///

_The train is now pulling into Agriculture, Section 5 Sub 3. Please mind the gap. The Panel wishes you a happy day. Any complaints or queries, please talk to your local Bureau at the nearest Town House. Thank you for your compliance._

The tannoy shut off as Carol stepped out onto the platform, instantly seeing Therese sat on a bench leaning on her knees. Her jumpsuit today was different. The sleeves cut off at the shoulder, suitable for the unusually warm day.

“Therese! Hey!” She called out jogging over to the brunette currently standing up. “Look, I wore my jumpsuit. It’s weird wearing one in red after my day in black. Do you think it will do?”

“Yeah, yeah. You look great.”

Carol could tell something was off straight away. She wasn’t 100% sure if it was her, building expectations too high or Therese feeling sad, but she decided to go with her gut.

“Are you alright, Darling? You seem off.”

 _She sees right through me._ “Yeah. I actually have to ask you something… If we weren’t matched would you still like me… as a person I mean?”

She worried her lips nervous for the answer which Carol spotted immediately. “Of course I would. I mean we probably wouldn’t have met. Maybe passing in a department store or something. But I would like you none the less.”

“And, yesterday, I didn’t cross a line – asking you to work with me I mean. I could see how it could be rude.”

“No, no not at all. I had an amazing day - I did and experienced so much I never thought I would. I really enjoyed myself. I wouldn’t have agreed to come back if I didn’t.”

“Carol… I think you should go…” Therese couldn’t even look at the blonde but knew the emotion passing over her face would definitely be confusion.

“What… why? I don’t understand.”

“You and I. We are different people. You’re obviously a city girl with city problems. You’d probably be more suited to another match. I’m a feral. You deserve better, I don’t think I’m the right person for you…”

“Why are you saying all of this? What happened?” Carol frowned, confused at the change of heart.

“I can put your fare on my quota if you like.”

“What?” She asked mildly disgusted.

“It’s probably for the best I mean we don’t really kno-“

“No.” Carol said simply, walking towards the exit.

“Excuse me?” Therese said, following the blonde who was currently strutting towards her motorbike.

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?” The brunette was a little taken aback, confused by the Carol's refusal.

“I mean, whatever is going through your head, reasons you’re _not good enough_ or that _I should leave_ sort them out. Because I’m not leaving due to your stupidity.”

“My stupidity?!”

“Yes! Now, either you start this bike and take me with you and we get on with the day you promised, that I gave my rest day for because I wanted to spend it with _you_. Or you can go, I’ll walk to the farm, follow you around all day and be thoroughly pissed off by the end. It’s your choice.”

“Who are you?” Therese asked getting the keys out from her pocket.

“I’m the woman who won’t take any of your shit and reads you like a book. I’m your 100%.” She added confidently.

Therese scoffed, shaking her head smiling. “You really are, aren’t you, 13?” Getting on the bike before Carol did the same.

“Hell yeah I am.” She said wrapping her red clad arms around the farmer girl.

Therese ignited the engine, the familiar rumble vibrating through the air. “You really do look nice though…”

“Thank you…” She said hiding her smile in the shoulder blades in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all. Yes this is a short chapter. No i'm not sorry.  
> Yes the next one is longer. No i can't post it now.  
> Yes i do want you to comment opinions.  
> No i don't like torturing you.  
> Yes the last one was a lie.  
> ;)


	6. Soft Sparks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am posting early. But I have found myself a reason. Today is the day they finally releases some footage for Ocean’s 8. Which means trailer is out tomorrow guys!

“So, what are we doing today?” Therese and Carol had been on the same cycle for a few weeks. Carol would come on a Sunday, they would spend time together, talk, learn new things and she would go home. Therese still couldn’t quite believe it.

Therese threw the white sheet over the bike making sure all of it was covered before turning round to the blonde. “You really want to just come here and work… on your day of rest… _again_?”

Carol nodded, catching her tongue between her lips before biting her lower one, watching Therese lean down for a bag on the floor filled with various items.

“And, you don’t care about getting muddy or lifting heavy objects or having to graft all day when you could be laid at home in a cashmere blanket watching a generic movie?”

“How did you know I had a cashmere blanket?” Carol asked her eyes narrowing.

“Call it a lucky guess. Now c’mon.” They strolled out of the barn and headed down a rubble path to a much larger barn. “So tell me, Carol. Do you know how to drive?”

She nodded head wiggling her eyebrows. “Yes. I grew up in the city, work in the city, and I didn’t have to learn because there’s public transport everywhere. But I’m secretly amazing at it, my father taught me.”

“Well since this is becoming a regular thing you may need to learn to drive something other than a car…You see where I’m going with this…?”

Carol took a second, and then another before the realisation washed over her face. “You… you want me to… t-to drive one of those, massive machines?!” Carol had seen Phil on one two weeks ago.

“No! I don’t want my holiday time redacted. Just a small one so that you have a general gist of how things work… Today is mostly about collecting some fire wood. The sustainable forest is about ten miles that way. My bike can’t take a trailer and neither can Hugo. Ergo…”

“No way! Not a chance! You won’t find me in one of those tractors. Back in the dark days people used to drive at dangerous speeds on those big roads, through dark tunnels, and crash all the time, I know because the ruins of Lincoln Tunnel are a few miles from my place. Plus, I haven’t got a license from the Panel, or even a practicing one from the Burea-“

“CAROL! You won’t be driving a tractor or a motorbike. You don’t need a license.”

She frowned, confused. “So what are we driving?”

They made it to the barn, Therese unlocked the door. There was a few tractors, ploughing machinery, agricultural equipment one would expect but the brunette strolled passed it all and through another set of doors. To a smaller open room.

“Carol, pick a quad any quad.”

“Quad bikes? You’re serious?” She said arching a blonde brow.

“Yes. We use these a lot for tricky terrain, we sometimes loan them out to the sheep farms so that they can herd them. Isn’t it crazy? Anyway, I made sure that they were all charged overnight. They aren’t that difficult to drive. I learnt in a day when I was ten, I’m sure you can learn in an hour if you’re 25.”

///

_So I was an idiot and I got on, because I can’t say no to anything when she smiles at me with those dimples or pleads with those puppy dog eyes._

_We got out into a field, I walked and she drove both there to show me how easy it was and then I had my first ever quad bike lesson. I was a bit jerky at first I won’t lie. I nearly flew over the handle bars more than once, but after a while I got the hang of it._

_She just kept telling me I was in complete control and that not to hit the corners too hard or it could flip onto me. She even found me a helmet. I asked her why we didn’t wear them on the motorbike and she said because she knew what she was doing on that and would never put my life in danger._

_I’m pretty sure my heart skipped a few beats as she helped me get it on and repeatedly asked me if I was alright when we began. She cared for my safety. It made me feel… ~~warm~~ happy that she was opening to the idea of me… It had been hard to earn that trust. It wasn’t long before she was screaming ‘be careful’ as I drifted round corners, laughing how concerned she looked, and internally a little scared because if this flipped, I would spend weeks in the hospital._

_After getting on I began to follow her, and we kept a steady pace, and let me tell you, the terrain and being so close with it, looking for miles and seeing nothing but her riding next to me, I felt alive, like I was out of the documentary of the city, and into reality of the great outdoors. It was beautiful and I got the opportunity to ride across it with a girl who just won’t get out of my head._

_As we pulled up to the forest we slowed down getting off, placing my helmet in the trailer before jogging to catch up with her. A wide smile on my face._

///

“So how was that, 13? How did you feel?” Therese said rustling her helmet hair before reaching over and rustling the blonde’s

Carol smiled with the satisfaction of Therese’s fingers in her hair. “Like I was flying through the fields.” She said, opening her eyes, noticing a flicker of confusion cross over Therese’s face before she removed her hand.

“And you never wanted to drive…” She looked at Carol sceptically, scoffing a little bit. “You were good actually. Really good. You seem like a natural.” Therese had picked up two axes from her own trailer before she began walking and they now swung in her grasp.

“Thank you.” Therese smiled slightly but she shook it off and listened to Carol’s change of subject. “So… where are we?” Carol asked as they approached the tree line, they walked past a few randomly placed stumps. These trees were as high as some of the buildings in the city. They towered over the two small figures as they walked through.

“This is our sustainable forest. The forest itself is a farm and as neighbouring farms we don’t get our wood delivered we have to come and get it.” She said, her boots cracking the twigs underneath.

“So we’re going to cut down one of these trees?” Carol looked a little sceptical.

“Oh no. That isn’t our job. It would take me and you days maybe even weeks. Our wood is pre-cut.”

“So what’s with the axes?”

“Well, you’ll see.” They neared the edge of a steep ditch with dirt steps down one side. The dirt hole was filled with roughly chopped wood. “Here, pick up a few logs, we will take them to the stumps we saw near the quads, cut them, chuck them in the trailer and repeat the process again.”

“So… how much wood do we need?” Carol asked looking at the huge cuts of wood a little bit nervous.

“The trailers have to be full. Let’s just leave it at that.” Therese made her way down the steps throwing up a few cuts of wood to Carol before gathering her own. They were surprisingly heavy in Carol’s arms even though Therese made it look effortless.

They made their way over, Therese quickly showing Carol the do’s and don’ts of splitting wood before beginning. Carol had grunted onto her sixteenth log before they spoke again.

“Hey, you’re doing alright…” The brunette said, glancing over at Carol who had tied her boiler suit around her waist exposing her string top at log eleven. _Even in labour clothing she still looks effortlessly elegant._

“Yep! About to get log seventeen. Who’s the city girl now?! Huh!” Carol smirked, rather proud of herself.

“Carol, I’m on my thirty fifth.” Therese’s axe came down on the log, splitting it perfectly. “Make that thirty sixth.”

“Shut up!” Carol said poking out her tongue like a child. “Can we stop for a drink?” She said a little breathlessly.

“Sure.” Therese replied, making her way back to her quad pulling out the bag she had picked up in the barn. She started pulling out its contents, a large bottle of red juice, a thermos, a loaf of bread and a blanket. She lay it out on the grass, sitting down and gestured for Carol to join her.

“What do we have here?” Carol asked, wiping the sweat from her brow sitting crossed legged next to the brunette.

“Lunch. Cranberry juice, tomato soup and a loaf of bread. All fresh of course.” She said laying them out handing the blonde a mug.

“This looks delicious Therese. Thank you.” The simplicity in Therese’s kindness made it even more considerate.

“Don’t worry, I couldn’t make you do _so_ much work and not feed you now could I?” Therese said with a smile making the butterflies in Carol’s stomach flutter their wings. Therese poured her some soup, doing the same to her own mug before blowing on it gently as it was still piping hot.

“So, what do you like to do when you aren’t working?” Carol asked innocently as all she had seen was Therese working, mostly with her.

“Not much. My best friend Dannie, on the next farm over, he and I like to go to the pub. Grab a couple pints, play darts. We like to go horse riding. I like to ride Hugo. There’s a lake not far from here, sometimes we ride out and sit there, and it is beautiful. Serene. I might take you sometime.” She said not making eye contact, just staring out at the landscape.

“I’ve never been to a lake before.” Carol said dipping her bread in soup.

“Never?” Carol shook her head. “Well I’ll see if one day we could fit it into our busy schedule.” Therese winked making Carol smile before sipping a bit of her soup. “I don’t really go to the city much, unless it’s for supplies, sometimes to hand in applications at the bureau but that’s it. So what do you do Miss 13? What is there to do in the big city?”

Carol finished her mouthful. “Not much really. I’ve done much more in the past few Sundays with you than I had in the entirety of last year really. I’ve been very busy with this polymer and they are thinking of moving me to distribution.”

“Congratulations.” Therese said with little emotion.

“Yes… I guess.” Carol said a little down. Someone could have kicked the brunette in the stomach and she would have felt less.

“I-I’m sorry, I was rude. That really is great Carol.” She said placing a hand on the blonde’s dewy back for a second, going to remove it out of nerves but a hand rested over hers keeping it in place.

“Oh no, Darling. It wasn’t you it’s just that sometimes I don’t know if I would be happier working _for_ something.” Carol released her and tore off a corner of her loaf.

“What do you mean?” Therese asked a little confused finally letting her hand slip.

“I was the first to come with a proposal from my team. But I didn’t _try_. I just happened to have an idea and the rest didn’t. Mine just so happened to work and theirs didn’t. Sometimes I just feel as though decisions are made around me. I won’t be offered this position. It will just happened. I don’t know I sort of feel a little like a puppet.” Carol turned aware of what he was saying was highly dangerous but it was out now, and as the silence between them stretched her nerves ate away at her. “I mean I’m obviously so thankful to be contributing and this will be for the best, for everyone and will help how society runs and I will play my part an-“

“Carol it’s alright…” Therese placed her hand upon the blonde’s, a little more reassured now,  calming her, but lighting her on fire at the same time. “Don’t worry, I understand. You wanted to work for it, but you feel as though things are just happening like you are a lucky number in a completed system. I get it…” She said squeezing a little.

Carol sighed in relief, thankful to have someone who understood. “Thank you…”

“So what does the position entail?” Therese asked, keen to keep the conversation moving, reluctantly withdrawing her hand once more.

“Well, they will be giving me and a few others, including one of my good friends, Genevieve, the management over a few furniture stores. We will sell the generic items you know, like everywhere else, but I get to improve on my selling skills on days where I’m needed to attend one of them, and financial management while being able to interact with employees and buyers. Beats sitting in the office all day long, this way, I’ll be able to get out every now and again. Although that doesn’t start for a while though.”

“Interesting. And apart from me, what do you do outside of work?”

“I see Abby, my best friend and her mate Gen, as I’ve said. We will have lunch, go for drinks, see a sports match, watch documentaries, that sort of thing. Cook. Swim, and other sports…”

“You make a little sound like a lot.” Therese said into her soup.

Carol chuckled as Therese saw straight through her façade. “Yes I admit it is incredibly boring and mediocre at best… They are all exciting activities but get a little menial over time.”

“Well we are just going to have to change that aren’t we?” Therese smiled, taking a swig from the bottle, passing it to Carol so she could do the same, before standing and collecting more wood.

“Back to work I guess!”

///

_The rest of the day was spent with quiet chatter, learning a bit more about each other. Therese’s favourite colour is red, like scarlet red, her least favourite is green. When she was twelve she fractured a rib falling off a horse and she has no idea what she is going to do with all her saved holiday but she knows it will be worth it._

_We finally finished cutting wood and piled it into the trailers, cruising on the quads back to the farmhouse and stacking it in the log shed. She repaired a patch of Hugo’s stable while I groomed him. I met Jennifer from the house and then… things took a turn for the awkward._

///

“That girl is sweet.” Carol said waving goodbye to the fair haired girl.

“Yes, that’s Jen. She’s great. Phil’s court. I don’t think they are matched but they get on like a house on fire so, who needs the percentages.” Therese shrugged.

“Although percentages do help a certain amount.” An unknown voice cut in. “Come to think of it, _Terry_ hasn’t told us _your_ percentage.” Carol turned round to the voice, seeing a tall, lanky man with dark hair. “You must be Carol. I’m Tommy.” He said, extending his hand.

“Pleasure to meet you. Are you one of Therese’s friends here?” She shook it.

“Kind of, we are… we have an _odd_ relationship, don’t we _Terry_?”

Carol turned to brunette to see a face she had never seen before. It was pure, cold, hatred, her nostrils were slightly flared, eyes dark, and breathing a little ragged. “Yes, I guess you could say that…”

There was a stiff moment where the two brunettes just glared at one another till Tommy snapped out of it, turning to the blonde. “So Carol, I hope Terry isn’t working you too hard. Sunday is a day of rest after all.”

“Oh no. In fact I’ve been having a delightful time. Therese has been really friendly and nice.”

“Friendly _and_ nice? Doesn’t sound like Terry… She must take a special liking to you.” Carol laughed uncomfortably as she could feel the daggers from Therese’s eyes impale Tommy repeatedly. “Anyway.” The man continued. “I must get going. It was great to meet you Carol.” He said holding out his hand once more.

“Likewise.” She said taking his offer out of politeness. He grasped her hand a little tighter than expected and brought the back of it to his lips kissing it gently, his eyes never leaving Therese’s green which were slowly darkening.

Before Carol could comprehend what was happening her hand was being ripped from his, and her body spun into Therese’s chest, as she heard the slap of one of the brunette’s hands make contact with the man’s face, sending his glasses flying. “Don’t touch her.” Therese snarled as she watched the wide grin break over the man’s face. He calmly went to pick up his glasses, standing and noticing the small cut just by his eye, dabbing the blood away with his finger before making his spectacles comfortable on his face again, as he walked towards the door.

“Temper, temper Therese… possessive already? Maybe this one managed to cut the impenetrable skin. Interesting…” He left, slithering out the door like the serpent Therese saw him as.

They stood in the barn, Therese with a protective arm around Carol’s waist and both the blonde’s hands upon her chest. Carol could feel Therese’s rapidly moving chest gradually slowing down, her breaths deepening.

“Therese what the hell was that?” The brunette let go of her, moving to storm out but Carol caught her arm, spinning her round repeating the Brunel’s previous actions. “Therese!”

“Carol! Could we _please_ leave?”

///

_I had never seen this side of Therese before. I know I hadn’t known her long but it just didn’t seem very like her. To be angry all the time. And the only private place I knew was the roof of the hay barn. So that’s where I took her, her green eyes were a little darker than usual but as she calmed they neutralised. With her anger dissipating I truly saw how young and vulnerable she is. She may be strong, and she can look after herself, but I could tell something… scared her. I kept her hand in mine as we scaled the hay stacks and only let go to climb through the roof. Once we were both laid down, the sun setting in front of us, I laced my fingers with her again, and asked what was wrong. And to my surprise I didn’t get a stony silence._

///

“Tommy Tucker. 23. Brunel. All round pain in my ass, and also my biological brother.”

Carol’s breathing halted. No one had a brother. No one, and if they did, their sibling wasn’t around to tell the tale. “… Tommy… He’s your _brother_?”

“Unfortunately so.” Therese said, looking towards the sky, wondering if their parents were looking down upon them, ashamed that they had wasted the opportunity of having a sibling relationship.

“What happened?” Carol whispered. Therese turned on her side to face the blonde, their bodies close, boots touching.

“Tommy never liked me. Thought it was unfair that no else had a sibling but he did. That they all had to share their quota with me. He saw me as a burden that stole all of our parent’s attention, especially as a child where I would get sick quite often and have to take these big leaves to this illegal clinic. He never saw what I was going to do with my life, I couldn’t be kept in the house forever, and like me, knew the day would come and we would be caught... When my mother and father were accused of love, and failed the test… I was found as the house was searched. I was 8 at the time, Tommy 11. They were exiled and Tommy and I were put into foster families. I never got on with mine, so The Panel made an exception to allow me to move here at age 10, instead of going through training and coming at 16. Three years after I arrived, Tommy moved here with his foster families’ last name and a hatred for myself… We have clashed ever since…”

“So he blames you for their exile…” Carol concluded.

“It would seem so…” Therese said, looking into the grey eyes, wondering what Carol thought of her and her ridiculously messy life, no matter how calm, composed and clean she was.

Carol made small circles on the back of Therese’s hand with her thumb“Then why were you so angry when he touched me?”

“He is manipulative, Carol. And _sly_. A coupled weeks ago, he… we got into an argument at the dinner table – about you – and I think he knows that to make me angry all he has to do is get to you… D-Do you understand?” Therese asked, her eyes searching Carol’s, imploring them.

“No…” Carol answered truthfully.

She saw Therese contemplate her answer, slowly exhaling as she mulled over her thoughts. “Good… now I’m calm I’m fucking freezing. The sun set pretty quickly huh?” Therese said changing the topic fairly noticeably.

“Yeah, I guess it did.”

“I should get you back to the train station…” Therese got up, letting go of Carol’s hand making the blonde feel as though something that had been a part of her, her entire life, had suddenly left. She followed Therese to the bike, getting on behind her and snuggled into her back.

They pulled up to the silent platform, Carol getting out her return ticket as they waited for the train.

“Thank you for today Therese… I know you may have been a little… uncomfortable at the end but I really did enjoy myself.” Carol said, her eyes conveying her candour.

“Will you come next week?” Therese asked tentatively, not trying to sound too needy.

“Unfortunately I can’t.” The brunette tried to hide her disappointment but failed miserably.

“Today I acted, irrationally and irresponsibly. I understand.” She said nodding, trying to rebuild her walls but the construction stopped as Carol spoke once more.

“No, no you don’t. About two months ago Abby planned this party for Saturday evening, I said I would go… And I don’t think I will be in any state to travel, Sunday. But I would really like to come the week after if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course it is…” Their surroundings were lit up as the train pulled in, its doors opening with a ‘bing’. “Until next time Carol…”

“Bye Angel…” The countdown on the time of the train was at 20 seconds, so Carol reluctantly turned and walked on, after a brief awkward pause between the two of them.

Therese watched the timer decreasing, having an internal battle with herself, when her body ignored her mind. “Carol?” The blonde turned around to the girl who called her voice just before she felt a hand fist in her jumpsuit and lips land upon hers, kissing her softly and gently, lasting a lifetime.

It was beautiful and lustful but innocent at the same time as they brushed up against one another once more. Carol brought her hand up to cradle Therese’s head as she started to kiss back, but Therese pulled away, slowly walking backwards. Carol followed her beckoning green eyes to lean in for another but the clear doors shut in between them, separating their desire.

Carol placed her palm on the glass, and Therese did the same, until the train started to gradually move.

“I understand.” Carol said, Therese reading her lips from the other side. “I understand.” She repeated, only to have Therese smile, the smile that made her lips do the same, her finger twitching on the glass to feel those dimples for herself that were getting further into the distance and disappearing from sight.

She looked around the empty carriage, finding a pristine white seat and sitting down, her fingers brushing her lips where Therese’s had just been. As the train lulled by the countryside she had been learning to explore and plummeted towards the city she was beginning to dread, she closed her eyes in exasperation, and sighed into the nothingness, supporting her forehead with her fingers as she shook it.

“Therese…Wait…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also want to dedicate this chapter to all the loyal readers I have come to know through this amazing platform. I am slowly beginning to learn more and more about you all and it truly is wonderful.  
> Carma, here's that chapter you wanted ;) Say hi to Sandy for me!


	7. City Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Christmas Present to you all...

“She kissed you?!” Gen asked, Abby had dragged her into Carol’s highly interesting courting/ non courting life.

“Yes, Gen. That’s what I just said.”

“AND THEN?!” Abby asked.

“And then the train doors closed and I left the station.” Carol said solemnly, the memory replaying in her mind as she sipped her dry martini. It was Martini Tuesday after all.

“Abby’s right this is the best entertainment I’ve had in a while.”

“Thanks, Gen.” Carol said sarcastically.

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know, I said I’d see her in two weeks.”

“You idiot. Why didn’t you invite her to our party?” Gen said, Abby subsequently turning on the light that just so happened to line up with Carol’s vision of Genevieve.

“Because it’s not her type of thing. You haven’t met her but I’m sure she wouldn’t enjoy it. She hates the city, let alone big city parties.”

“Fair enough. But are you really going to wait two weeks until you see her again?” Abby said cooing Daisy.

“I think so, I mean I don’t really see what else I could do… Technically we aren’t even courting.”

“Aren’t even courting? If this isn’t courting what are you calling it?”

“ _Getting to know each other_.” Carol said, but even she didn’t find it believable.

Gen scoffed. “And kissing each other when they leave on their trains; holding hands with each other; being protective over each other; spending rest days with each other… Drop the bullshit Carol.”

“Gen’s right, Carol. Please. Tell me you know what you’re doing.” Abby pled, looking at her best friend sincerely.

“I… don’t. I never did.”

///

“Miss Ross, you have a visitor in the reception, she’s asking for Carol Ross but she doesn’t have an appointment, should I send her up?” The secretary said emotionlessly through the line. Carol looked to the side of her desk. 08:43, it was way too early for an unscheduled meeting.

“Yes, Pat, I’m not too busy. Send her up.”

The line was cut off as Carol wondered who was visiting. She cleaned up her desk a little, before returning to the paperwork she was currently sorting through. In her peripheral vision she could see someone approach her glass door and open it, but it wasn’t until it closed did she look up.

“Miss 13, you forgot to mention you have a big shot office in a big shot building.” Therese looked round the immaculate office. It was true, Carol hadn’t mentioned the quality of life in the city, that her office was pristine, clean and organised. That its floor to ceilings with a view of the city skyline let in a lot of natural light and that this overstated room was hers solely. “Well I can see why you may want to stay here and not take that promotion.”

“… Therese?” She said with surprise, looking the brunette dressed in black skinny jeans and tight fitting top, up and down, not quite believing she was really here, standing up from behind her glass smart desk, the holograms on it pausing. “You’re here. In the city… What are you doing here?”

“Well you know… I worked my ass off these past couple of days on the farm, and completed everything that I was meant to do today.” Therese had done so on purpose, with the intention of surprising Carol, and she was glad that her plan was going perfectly. Plus the sight of Carol in a red midi body con dress with a jewel neckline was worth the extra work.  “I know its Friday and we usually meet on Sundays, but I was thinking since I was in the city, you would show me round?”

Carol was surprised, not only that Therese was here, in her office, but that she had come to see her, because she _wanted_ to. She ran her manicured nails through her blonde curls once or twice, not wanting to say no to the offer but knowing she had to. “Darling, I would like nothing more, but I can’t get out of work. You know the SEEC. That is why we are given Sundays as days of rest… But I am happy you are here. Truly.”

“I see, I thought you might be. I have a gift for you actually.”

Carol’s eyes widened another surprised bowled her way. “You do?”

“Yes…” Therese tapped a couple times on her smart watch and then flicked in Carol’s desks direction. A hologram of a package appeared on the glass table. “Open it.”

Carol picked up the hologram parcel, shaking it next to her ear, making Therese laugh at the absurdity of it all as she tapped the top. The parcel was replaced with text and a button that read:

_You have been gifted a day of rest. Please click **collect** to accept now, or **store** to keep for another day._

“Therese… I can’t accept this. You worked for these. Plus I’ve been taking up so much of your time on Sundays now. I couldn’t possibly say yes.”

“Think of it like this being your way of making it up to me. I want to see the city, see what you like to do. You could do this to make it up to me. All you have to do is accept it…”

“Angel, seriously I can’t ac-“

Therese tapped collect before Carol could say a word more. The blonde’s phone rang as she looked at the brunette in astonishment, not breaking eye contact as she tapped accept on the call wrapping the hologram around her ear. “Carolyn Ross speaking… Yes that’s right I’m using a spare day of rest for today… no could you slot it all into my schedule Pat? Thank you.” The blonde ended the call. “You’re impatient.”

“And you need to live a little! C’mon! Since you _just so happen_ to have a free day, let’s go exploring.” Therese said, her mind made up for the both of them as she held the glass door open for Carol. The blonde looked at her unbelievably before picking up her handbag, slipping on her nude kitten heels and walking through the open door, not noticing how Therese sighed with relief and thanked ‘All’ her plan had worked.

They passed a couple other offices just like Carol’s as they made their way to the lift, pressing the ground floor button and watching the door close.

“Breaking me out of work huh?” Carol smirked, teasing Therese.

“Well…” She tried to think of an answer. “Yeah.”

“Have you eaten?” Carol asked, having skipped breakfast herself.

“I haven’t.” She lied, she had guzzled down a bowl of Weetabix, because it was impossible to get out of the house without a bowl but she didn’t want to admit she was still hungry. “Want to get breakfast?”

“Yes, I’m starved.” The elevator dinged upon arrival. Carol walked out going a few steps before realising she had lost Therese. She hadn’t. In fact Therese most certainly couldn’t lose Carol as her eyes had unwillingly become glued to the ass that was being dangled in front of her. “Therese?”

“Yep! Sorry! What? Food. Breakfast, you were saying…”

“Adorable.” Carol winked, putting a bit more sway in her step just for the brunette, pleased with her outfit choice for today.

Therese blushed, hard enough to match Carol’s dress. She was on Carol’s territory now, and boy did she feel like prey. Especially when Carol was walking around like sex on legs, she wasn’t the only one staring, but she was the only one that got to talk to her and walk with her, and now have breakfast, so she counted herself lucky as they walked into the coffee shop.

They ordered and Carol used her quota, expressing to Therese how her quota for coffee shops would be larger than Therese’s which was true. So she allowed it and they sat down by the window, their food coming shortly after. Blueberry pancakes with syrup for both of them.

“Apart from the buildings everything is smaller in the city, I could make you a stack twice as big for half the price.”

“You could?”

“I mean they would taste like cardboard because I can’t cook anything apart from Weetabix. But they would be flat. And the blueberries would be fresh.”

“Just take a bite, they may not be big, but they are good.”

Therese obeyed, her efforts to hide how good they were failed. “They’re ok.”

“Liar, liar.”

“I mean nothing can compare to my Weetabix. But these are a good contender, I’ll admit.” Carol laughed, sparking a question in Therese. “What’s the hardest you’ve ever laughed?” She asked.

“Oh… I don’t know… there was this time, I was with a friend, Fred. And we decided to go play a tennis match, anyway I beat him. And he just never let it go. So he trained and trained and trained. Would even give me updates on how his training was going. How many people he had beaten, how he had asked for tips off some of the greats. Anyway so, he offers me a rematch and I can tell he is desperate for one, so I agreed. Not really caring. And we start to play and _he_ wins some points, _I_ win some points, and we are a couple rounds in when he goes to smash the ball with this fancy wrist flick, he was _sure_ would win him the game, and the racket comes flying up hits him _square_ in the face and knocks himself out. I had never laughed so hard in my life.”

She wiped a tear just recalling the memory and smiling because Therese’s melodic laugh had filled her ears. “So what did you do?” Therese asked, eager to know more.

“Well, first I had to pick myself up of the floor from crying with laughter and then I went to see if he was alright. That was a very funny day. I remember calling Abby to come help, as she is in Seacole, and a doctor. She came to help and rolled about with me for a while as we just cried, unable to overcome the situation’s hilarity.”

“I remember that day well.” Carol turned round to the familiar voice, to see her auburn friend wiggling her eyebrows at her.

///

_I remember wishing to ‘all’ right there and then just to strike me with a bolt of lightning. How could I have forgotten that Abby gets her breakfast there too when she comes off the night shift on a Friday. HOW?!_

_God I’m such an idiot. FUCK!_

///

“Carol, what are you doing here, I swear you are meant to be at work!” The auburn said pulling up a chair.

“Well, you see I took a rest day today, be-“

“A rest day?! CAROL! It’s my party this Saturday!  You’ll be wrecked on Sunday! What are you going to do? For god sake, you have a few days with that _wild_ farmer girl and your brain goes out the window! Sorry, hi I’m Abby Gerhard, Carol’s best friend.” She said, extending her hand to the stranger.

“Therese Belivet. Said _wild_ farmer girl.” She said with a smile taking the offered hand.

“Oh…I’m sorry, I have no manners.” Abby said the realisation dawning on her, she looked to Carol as she shook Therese’s hand only to find the blonde’s face covered by her hands in embarrassment.

“Absolutely none…” Carol said, her voice small.

“But it’s nice to meet you, Therese, all the same. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Abby said, trying to move past her blunder.

“All good things I hope.” Therese said sipping her coffee.

“Of course.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you too.”

“Oh then I know they weren’t good things.” Abby joked. “So what are you two doing here?”

“I… er, Theres- She er, I-” Carol tried but she was still squirming in humiliation.

“I gave Carol a rest day. I have a few saved, and since I can’t see her this weekend. In exchange she said she would show me the city.” Therese said, saving Carol’s puny attempts at redeeming her cool self.

“Hey! It’s _my_ party! Why don’t you come along? It will be fun I promise.”

“Oh well, I don’t know…” Therese was not a people person. She had three friends and Carol. That was it. She was not the most sociable person, and a room full of pretentious city people was one of her worst nightmares. But so was being put on the spot.

“I insist!” Abby said taking Therese’s hand. The brunette clenched her other fist, the interaction creeping her out, she didn’t really make physical contact either.

She weighed her options. _Say no and save yourself a night of embarrassment and utterly fuck up your first meeting with Carol’s best friend, or… who am I kidding? This is a biased choice._ “Alright then.”

“Really?” The auburn squealed.

Therese could see the whole night would play out like that. People asking her questions, personal ones as if they knew her, pointless ones to make her repeat words she had already made clear. She was used to the workers in the bar, sloshing beers, playing darts and pool. Not fancy parties with people drinking bottles of wine from the Dark days and with their oversized quotas. But as she turned to Carol who was peeking through her fingers nervously, her grey blue eyes a little fearful. She knew what her answer would be. “Yes, fine.”

“Good! Right, I’ll be on my way. Daisy needs taking to school as Gen is where you’re meant to be Carol. Plus here I am the third wheel in a court. I’ll see you later.” She kissed Carol on the cheek. “Therese, I’ll see you Saturday, 7pm, Carol will give you my address. Bye!” The woman in blue hurried out the door jogging to the subway across the square.

“So _wild_ farmer girl huh?” Therese smirked, looking upon Carol who was hiding behind her hands.

“I’m mortified.”

Therese laughed heartily, snorting at points, drawing attention to herself until Carol began laughing too, aware that she had never seen Therese lose herself in laughter like this ever before.

///

They walked into the shopping centre. It was very easy to navigate. Each shop titled by its contents. ‘Supermarket’ ‘Casual clothes.’ ‘Pyjamas’ ‘Lingerie’ ‘Night Out Wear’ ‘DVD Rental’.

“Wow, these shop names are… informative…” Therese joked, making the blonde chuckle.

“They probably took years to decide on! Anyway, I’m sorry for dragging you in here, I just need to pick up my dress for tomorrow.”

“That’s fine…” Therese followed Carol, thinking of ways she could ask to hold her hand but each scenario failing in her head. “Hey what’s that?” There was a small nameless box in the corner of the mall.

“What?” Carol asked.

Therese took Carol’s hand, happy her mission wasn’t a complete failure, so that she could pull her over to the tiny room. “This.”

“Oh! It’s a photo booth. C’mon we’ll do one.” Carol pulled back the curtain and sat inside on the bench, pulling Therese down next to her and pulling it back in place again.

“So why are we in this little room?” Therese queried.

“You pay, and it takes your photo six times and instantly prints it for you.” Started to put in her pin to take it out of her quota but Therese stopped her.

“I think I should do the quota for pleasure items, don’t you? I mean, I’m never in the city so I may as well.” She punched in her pin and got herself comfortable, waiting for the photo, smiling as nothing happened, it slowly falling as they checked out the machine. “Is it going to go…?” The machine still did nothing.

“I don’t know if I did it r-” _Flash!_ “Oh wow! There is literally no warning!”

They laughed at their mistake. _Flash!_ The dimples were deep in Therese as she settled herself for the next one, but Carol’s finger took her chin and guided her lips to her own.

 _Flash!_ They continued kiss, Therese’s hands wrapping around the blonde’s waist, as she felt the manicure nails slip into her hair and deepen their kiss, their mouths mingling is desire, Carol’s lips still having the faint taste of honey. _Flash!_

They pulled apart, their hands unmoving as they looked at each other, lustfully. _Flash!_

Therese pinched Carol’s side, making her giggle like a teenager again. “Now who’s impatient?” Therese smiled.

_Flash!_

///

_Her lips make me feel as if ‘All’ is just blessing me. Allowing me to see his great after life. Her lips were warm and her skin was so smooth. It was just… perfect, the way she would take my bottom lip between hers, tilting her head just so…_

_I haven’t had such a nice day in a long time, from the photo booth we picked up my package and dropped it off at my house. She admired how spacious it was and I thanked her. I changed into jeans and a top so I’d be a little more comfortable. Well… okay I say comfortable but you and I both know my ass looks great in those jeans and Therese’s eye line seemed to think so too._

_We left and took a stroll around the park hand in hand, and yes, my body was burning. There was a tree so we sat down, thank god for that tree because we didn’t really talk much, just lounged and made out, like two fools. You’d think that our small bubble of perfection would quench my thirst. But it fuelled it. Like I was in a desert and all I had was salt water._

_From there we grabbed a late lunch. They had live music so that was nice. Turns out Therese plays piano… She played the café and myself a piece she had learnt as a child… It was beautiful. We kissed once more after, just because I could and I was so proud since she was really jittery beforehand but afterwards she thanked me for pushing her out of her comfort zone._

_From there neither of us knew what to do, but we saw a crowd of people heading one way shouting anthems and cheers, so at Therese’s suggestion we followed them. And that’s how we both attended our very first soccer match. We were hopeless at football, barely getting any of the words in the chants right. Cheering when there were fouls, laughing when a guy would fall over dramatically. But it was some of the best fun I’d had in ages. Standing in the stands amongst thousands of people cheering on 22 people to kick as quickly as they could._

_I still don’t know what the game is about but, we had fun. And it didn’t stop there as the night progressed we followed the hooligans to a bar and ordered drinks._

///

“Yayyyy! Ok boys! We won, you get the next round of drinks!” Carol cheered as she removed the darts from the board.

“Best of three?” The man pleaded, half his face white, the other red.

“Nope! We beat your asses fair and square, the deal was if we beat you at darts you would leave us alone and buy our round of drinks. Where the fuck are my goddam drinks because the board says we beat you by just over a _hundred_ points?!”

“Rematch please?!” The men protested.

“DRINKS!” Carol shouted, to be accompanied by a yell of ‘Drinks!’ from the whole bar. The guys went and bought the beers slamming them down and sulked off. “Well someone is a sore loser.”

They drank them, dancing over their victory, till all that was left was foam at the bottom of the glass. “I think we just drained they’re quota dry.”

“Hell yeah, angel!” Carol kissed Therese playfully teasing her lips between her teeth. “What’s the time?”

“Holy shit! It’s nearly 11:30… I need to be getting home.” Therese said putting on her oversized worn out jacket.

“Oh Darling please stay.” Carol pleaded draping her arms over Therese’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry, 13, I can’t I have to work tomorrow, and so do you. C’mon there’s a train in 7 minutes, if we leave now I’ll be able to catch the late train out of the city. There won’t be another for 2 hours after that.” They left reluctantly, logic overruling want, as they clung to one another to keep warm on the platform.

“Message me when you get home so I know you’ve got there safely?” Carol asked, rubbing Therese’s arms up and down to keep warm.

“Of course. And you the same?”

“Yes… I had a really nice time with you today… one of the best… Thank you, for breaking me out of that boring day I had planned.” Carol smiled, a nice buzz of alcohol running through her system.

“It’s alright. I’m glad I did. I had the best day with you too.” Therese looked up in Carol’s embrace, taking the blonde’s lips between her own, letting their tongues dance together fluidly, not caring about the one or two other people on the platform, or the train that had pulled up beside them.

The countdown was on 15 when Therese unwillingly pulled away. Taking a step towards the locomotive but Carol caught her hand. “Stay… Please.”

“I can’t. Not if you want to see me tomorrow.” The countdown was on 5. Therese rushed forward planting one more kiss on the blonde’s lips before pushing her a few steps backwards. Carol walked back towards Therese, about to grasp her, but the glass doors slid shut just before she reached her.

“Fuck…” She lay her palm on the glass, as did Therese as the train began to move. “I’ll miss you.” Carol said. Therese lip reading the words from the other side of the pane just as the blonde slipped from sight.

“I…I…” Therese stuttered as Carol watched the carriages turn from her line of vision. “I miss you…”

///

_I’m Home. How about you? – C_

_I’m glad you’re back and I’m just walking now – T_

_Ok. Be safe – C_

Carol put her phone down, showering off the day before checking her phone again.

_I’m home. I had a really nice day with you today. – T_

_I had a nice day with you too. Are you excited for tomorrow? – C_

_More nervous than excited, I’ll admit. – T_

_There’s no need to be nervous, darling. They’ll like you. – C_

_I’m not really a people person. – T_

_You’ll barely see them! I promise… and since we will be drinking, I have a question to ask you. – C_

_Ask away – T_

Carol’s finger hovered over the text for a minute before pressing send. Regretting it as soon as she did.

_Afterwards I was hoping you’d stay at mine, just so you’re safe. So, would you? Like to? – C_

_Yes, yes I would. That’s very kind of you 13 – T_

_Stop calling me that! – C_

_Ok 13. I have to get some sleep if I want to get to yours by 7 tomorrow. So goodnight. – T_

_Sweet dreams Angel – C_

Carol put down her phone, rolling on to her side in her large empty bed. She closed her eyes, thinking about the next day, and soon was dreaming about it.

Her even breaths filling the room.

///

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Be-_

Therese tapped her alarm off, opening her blinds happily before changing into her work overalls. She turned to her wall, sliding through her schedule, making sure a reminder was set to leave at 6pm.

Buttoning up, she headed down to breakfast where the house matron sat, like she did every day, a cigarette between her lips, the ashtray filled with stale butts. She stole the smoking herb from between the ladies fingers taking a drag herself before handing it back.

“You seem quite chipper this morning. Anything to do with a young, blonde match you’ve been fawning over for the past couple of weeks?” She asked, as Therese poured milk on her Weetabix.

“Fuck off.” She said before sitting down and eating a spoonful.

“I knew it! So tell me, because I can see you have your schedule cleared from 6pm, is this a court?” The woman asked stubbing out her cigarette.

“You’re one nosy lady.”

“I’m your matron, it’s my job to be nosy! Plus you got in very late last night from a day in the _city._ Therese you _hate_ the city. You would never willingly go to that thing, so spill. Now!” Therese held up her middle finger before shovelling some more of her breakfast, smiling to herself at her own flippancy. “Therese Belivet, tell me now or I won’t put Weetabix on the next supply run.”

It was then, things got serious. Therese looked up from her bowl, wiping the edge of her mouth. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

Therese caved. “Fine. Carol couldn’t make it this Sunday so I went and saw her yesterday.”

“Wasn’t she working?” Mrs Robichek asked lighting another cigarette, her usual breakfast.

“Yeah, but I sort of, gave her a free day – anyway we went out and got some lunch, saw a football match, had a few drinks. It was nice.”

“Is that a smile?!”

“No!”

“Belivet is finally courting! It’s about bloody time!”

“I’m not courting.” Therese snapped back.

“So you see her every week. I assume you are going to see her this evening. You gave her a free day. Tommy told me you slapped him because he touched her. And you aren’t courting? What was your match with her anyway? Must have been high to have you this smitten. 78? 83?”

“Fuck, I wish. A couple more than that.”

“87? 91?”

“Try 100 …”

Mrs R choked on the drag she just took. “No fucking way.” She spluttered. “Well, no wonder Miss Therese ‘fuck the system’ Belivet couldn’t resist.”

“I’m not part of that system. I’m not courting! Why can’t I like Carol and be unhappy with The Panel? Huh?!”

“SO you _do_ like her?”

“Of course I like her! Anyone in a ten mile radius would. Not only is she smart, funny and kind but she’s off the charts on hotness, and she just so happens to match me 100%. _Fucking_ system.”

“Be careful, Therese. Your dislike of the Panel and you high match could land you in a lot of trouble. Even if you hate it, you’re going to have to suck it up and say you’re courting so people don’t get suspicious. Obviously I know you, and know you never would get infected, but others don’t know you so well. To them, you’re just another disgruntled feral.”

“Fuckkkkk…”

“What is it?” She said offering her cigarette to the brunette, who gladly took it between her lips inhaling deeply before letting the cloud fly from her lips.

“Tonight… We are off to a party…”

Mrs R choked on her inhalation, chugging out the thick vapour like a steam train deciding to put it out, rather than choke once more. “Y-You’re what?! What the hell have you done with Therese! Going off to big city parties! You’re going to have to borrow something from Jennifer you know.”

“Yes, I’ll ask soon, but… when people ask about us, what am I going to say? ‘Oh well, I like Carol, and think that I could spend every day for the rest of my life with her, and even though we meet every week and act like a mate, we aren’t courting! Why? Because my hatred towards The Panel has been sown from a young age when my parents were exiled, and my brother made each day of my sorry life a misery. You could say I have attachment issues or whatever. Hors d’oeuvre?’”

“Yeah, that should do it. Now if you want to be back from your work schedule I’d leave now, you have tonnes to do before 5pm and it starts by cleaning down the quads and fixing the fence on the field E7.”

Therese chugged the little cereal she had left, wiping her mouth with her sleeve. “Gotcha. In a bit Mrs R.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doors really hate them don't they?  
> An early Xmas present never hurt anyone!  
> I hope you alll have a great holiday, and leave me comments for Xmas...   
> Ho Ho Ho


	8. City Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is the eve of New Year's eve...

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Jennifer opened her door. “Oh hey, T! You’re so muddy! What’s up, hard day?”

“Well, if you call re-digging the ditch round W9 and hardening the path, a _hard day_ then yeah. Plus I had to do it with Gregory, even though I swear it’s Mrs R’s job to break in the new kids, but you know, he’s a fast learner. Anyway I actually need your help.”

“Ooh! I’m intrigued. Go on.”

“I have an…. Ev- like… I… I’ve been invited to a city party, and I nee-“

“YES!” Jennifer grabbed both of Therese’s arms pulling her into her dorm. “I’ve been waiting for this day. You’re going to be the _hottest_ person there. A little make up. Wax those _unruly_ brows of yours.”

“ _Unruly brows_?”

“Yes, but first you need to get in the shower and get clean… _everywhere_. I mean everywhere. I have a pack of razors on the side.”

“A razor? I shaved my under arms yesterday.” Jennifer looked her friend up and down, the state of her, nothing new but certainly not ‘city party standard’.

“Oh Therese, the hair on your legs tells me differently, plus, if you manage to get lucky tonight-“

Therese wheeled round. “I won’t be getting ‘lucky’ tonight!”

“Why, are you coming home?”

“Well- no… I’m staying at Carol’s…”

“OK! Then we _definitely_ have to clean you up! How long do we have?”

“About… an hour till I have to leave-“

“AN HOUR!” Jennifer hurried to her wall, bringing up a huge projection of a countdown before running back, grabbing Therese and shoving her into the shower. “WASH! Shave! Make sure your _downstairs_ isn’t as wild as those eyebrows when you get out, you have 20 minutes!”

“My _what_?”

“GO!” And with that she threw a towel in Therese’s general direction, flicked on the shower and hurried off to find an outfit.

///

_Today may have been one of the slowest days, I have had the chance to enjoy. The clock has never ticked slower. I have been fidgeting all day at work. The pile of work hasn’t made it go any quicker either, it’s like I finish what I had to catch up on and more seems to walk through the door with Pat’s apologetic face tied to it._

_As soon as the clock struck five I was out of there, straight to the blow out bar to meet Abby. You see I had been saving my quota, Abby on the other hand, had not and didn’t manage to have enough for her nails due to all the party expenses. I would have given her mine but… I just have to look halfway decent…_

_She didn’t mind too much though, she could do it at home. After that, it was a race home to our houses, washing off the day in the shower, careful to keep my hair in a cap, an hour later and I’m ready… Therese was meant to be here 6 minutes ago, not that I’m counting… I hope… I pray to ‘All’ that this goes well. I really do… it’s been 7 minutes now… maybe she’s just looking for my house, I mean they all look relatively the same arou-_

///

The doorbell sounded and Carol writing. She looked towards the door, shoving the bustling book in her draw, making sure it was locked before walking over to the door.

Her hand clasped around the door handle, trembling slightly as she could see the outline of Therese though it. She pulled it open, holding in her gasp with a smile but letting her eyes roam as they pleased.

“Therese, you look…” She began, her eyes not quite used to the girl’s extra height from her suede platform heels.

“Clean?”

“Beautiful.” The head to toe black suit and shirt contrasting perfectly against her pale skin, especially where the black shirt met her toned neck. The smoky eye make-up making Carol’s thighs clench a little harder together. The dark brown hair half up half down, a few strays framing her face.

“I’ve never looked like that though.” Therese stated, studying the sleek sheath floor length red dress, which was simple but beyond sexy, clinging to every curve with a large thigh high slit, the colour matching her nails and lipstick perfectly which were framed by her large ringlet blonde curls. “Shall we go? Is it far?”

“N-No, a five minute walk.” Carol managed to stutter through.

“Well, I’m ready if you are… oh, but I should probably leave this bag here, you know, a change of clothes for tomorrow.”

“Y-Yes… I’m ready.”

“Okay then!” Therese said holding out her arm, and Carol was more than happy to rest hers in the crook of it, closing the door behind them, settling into a leisurely walk down the path. “I can’t believe I’m going to a city party…” Therese said after a few minutes of silent smiles.

“I bet you never thought you would.” Carol teased.

“Hell no, I never thought I would be _courting_ let alone going to a party with _strangers_ …” Carol’s feet stopped moving, Therese taking a step before she noticed, turning round to her match. “Are you alright, Carol?”

“Is this… Is this what _this_ is? To you? I-I thought you didn’t do … _this_ …” She said gesturing between them, trying not to get her hopes up.

“I know I said I never would, and up until this morning I was still adamant to be honest. My background has… left me little faith in the Panel, and this… system, it infuriated me that… they were right, about you and me. It just feels so easy and natural… it was hard to accept. I am happier than I have ever been before so why worry about defining everything? But then Mrs R, she knocked some sense into me, and when we walk into this party, people will ask… what would I say? That we only acted like a courting match-”

“I don’t want you to just say we are courting if you don’t mean it, Therese. I want to when _you_ want to.”

 _Was life, were human relations like this always?_ Therese wondered _. Never solid ground underfoot. Always like gravel, a little yielding, noisy so the whole world could hear._

“I _want_ to. Carol… I’m ready to start, because you’re… _different_ … I don’t know how, but, you are… and, I may not be the best match. I understand that, but I want to court you… what scares me is that I have spent my whole life telling myself I never would, and you broke down that ideal in, what? Two months? I’m only 20… I didn’t want to be mated right away, I didn’t even want to be matched… because in a way, I think it makes this all…”

“…” Carol stayed silent at the mention of the future.

“Like your promotion. That we are doing things because the system says it’s what is needed and mandatory of us. These steps in life should be taken when ready, not because I wanted to _contribute_ or because it was the _systematic_ thing to do, but because I had wanted it for so long, it had come as a reward… do you understand?”

Carol began to walk again, processing the information. “So, you _do_ want me?”

“Yes… Carol don’t you know that I… T-That I think you’re magnificent? If someone told me a month ago that a woman would come into my life and flip it, that she would make me want to court despite my hatred for the Panel, then I would have told them to fuck off…” Carol smiled at their slow footsteps along the pavement at Therese’s words. “But here I am, going to a _city_ party with a _city_ girl, because… because it feels _right_ … Why, do you not want me?” Therese said, her confession morphing into fear.

“Of course I do, darling.” Carol smiled, the word falling from her lips easier than the air she breathed.

“I’m glad… a little scared, but glad none the less.” Therese chuckled as Carol turned round to her, guiding her rough farm hands around her waist as she wrapped her arms around Therese’s neck. She kissed her slowly, pressing their bodies together, aligning them perfectly.

Therese held the blonde tighter, the red material soft against her hand like still water. She ran her hands over the curves of Carol, refraining herself from going any further than the small of her back. She tilted her head, swiping her tongue across Carol’s bottom lip, begging for access, to which she was granted. They became lost in each other, Carol running her hands through the dark hair, Therese clawing at Carol’s dress, barely breathing between the deep kisses.

“HEY! You two! As much as I’m happy for you both, our guests don’t really need the show!” A fair haired woman shouted from the house close by.

Carol looked at Therese’s lips lustfully before looking to the person who dare interrupt them, recognising her instantly. “Fuck off Gen!” Therese buried her head in the blonde’s neck, swaying lightly. Gen slipped inside rolling her eyes, and Carol turned back to her match.

“I like her.” Therese said, with the sense that maybe she was overreacting about her social skills.

“I had a feeling you would. So shall we go inside?” Carol said smiling widely, slowly pulling Therese to the party.

“I’d rather be alone with you.” Therese said kissing down the blonde’s sinful neck until she was pulled away as they made their way, up the steps, to the door.

“Really, Miss Belivet? Whatever do you mean?” Carol asked as she opened the door squeezing the brunette’s fingers between her own. “You’d better come in and tell me all about that.” Therese let herself be pulled through the door, into the foyer of many people mingling, drinking champagne, and showing off new pieces of technology. “Angel, breathe.”

Therese didn’t even realise she had held her breath, sucking in the oxygen, that seemed very sparse in the room. Carol shrugged off her red shawl, slipping her arm around Therese’s. “So… what does one do at these ‘parties’?”

“We drink, mingle, laugh, drink, gamble, eat, and most importantly _drink_.” She pulled Therese in the direction of the kitchen, holding mini bites for her that she just had to try. Therese’s pallet hadn’t had such a shock in years. Carol introduced her to a few people who wanted Carol’s attention. She wouldn’t remember their names and she just politely nodded at some of their pretentious remarks but kept her mouth shut the entire time, just nodding along, slipping nibbles from the table into her mouth. People took a few photos for them, smiling and drinking, holding each other close, an arm around each other’s waists. One of them kissing as Carol couldn’t restrain herself any longer, and their photographers awing at the fluffiness of it all. They swiped the photos over to Carol’s watch before leaving them alone.

Next was the dance floor which Carol dragged her into, unwillingly but as Therese got into it she began to enjoy herself. Her body setting on fire when Carol pressed her back into her front, turning her head to look over her shoulder, through the blonde curls. Smiling seductively, she grinded down on the woman behind her, knowing that one of the few things that could distract Therese from anything was her ass. She laughed at Therese’s shocked state before gasping, as two strong hands clawed at her waist hungrily, pressing them together harder, kissing up and down her neck as they rolled their bodies, synchronised to each other and the music.

Next was the bar. Carol snuck behind as the bar tender waited someone else, she quickly mixed two dirty martinis, handing one to Therese, grabbing her hand and making them run to the garden before they got caught. The garden was spectacular, lined with tiki lanterns, the pagoda dressed with fairy lights. Therese stared round in awe at the finesse of it all, to have her image interrupted by Carol throwing back her drink and throwing away the glass urging Therese to do the same.

“I must be wearing off on you, _Carolyn_.” She said repeating the blonde’s actions.

“Ugh! I prefer 13, over Carolyn, darling… and I never said I was as conservative as most of these city folk. My father was a Bruneian you know? C’mon!” She said, before Therese had a chance to ask her more about the unknown topic. When the blonde finally stopped at the end of the ridiculously long garden, away from the lights and people, Therese nearly bumped into her. And then, as if by magic, Carol disappeared through a bush.

“Carol… Carol?” She shouted, not really knowing if what she saw was real or the drink playing tricks on her. She soon found out it was real, when manicure nails, sprung from the bush, fisted in her shirt and pulled her into it too. When she fell out of the other side of the hedge, Carol caught her, steadying her on her feet, before allowing her to look around their surroundings. “What is this place?”

“A secret garden… Isn’t it wonderful?” Therese looked around at the peaceful area, the small wildlife pond and vibrant coloured flowers standing out even in the dark. The small fire pit which spat and sparked in the corner next to a small bench, large enough for two, which hung from the branch of a tree, ivy vining down the ropes that held it in place.

“It is… how do you know about this place?” Therese asked following Carol to sit on the swing.

“Abby and I grew up together, I can’t remember a day when I didn’t know her, and this was originally the Gerhard household, they moved out to a smaller house when Abby had missed enough rest days to be seen as a Silver contributor. We used to spend nearly every day playing around here, building fires, sometimes pitching tents, reading texts from school, usually historical ones. Our own little retreat. When we grew up obviously we didn’t spend as much time. Sometimes after studies, and when we were placed in work at 16 then afterwards. We became _very_ close about 4 years ago… then it… changed. She met Gen, and now we only come here to maintain it, sometimes for the odd morning coffee, the occasional brunch.”

Therese could see the memories flicking through Carol’s eyes, envious that Abby could share and experience most of them but also in admiration of how Carol seemed to be like a flower in a concrete jungle. “Would you call it home? You look very relaxed.”

Carol looked at the ground by her feet, pushing them into a steady sway. “No not home… but it is a place I like to sneak off to, when I’m scared or… when things get too much… I don’t have many things that make me feel safe.”

“Well do you feel safe around me?” Therese dared to ask.

“That depends…” Carol said very seriously.

“On what?”

“If you’re thinking about killing me in my sleep tonight.” Carol joked, making Therese smirk, her laughter filling the air like a melody.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“You haven’t? Well, be sure to let me know when you do.” Carol said leaning in, Therese nodded slowly looking down to the full lips as they got closer and closer, until they were on hers. She melted into it as Carol danced with her lips, feeling it build with passion. Therese reached down, scooping Carol’s legs to rest over her own, caressing the red clad thigh, high enough to make Carol gasp and deepen their kisses. One of Carol’s hands played with the baby hair at the back of Therese’s neck causing the young woman to groan into her, intensifying her want.

Therese’s hand moved further up, edging closer and closer to the ass that had been teasing her for weeks, and Carol fisted the dark hair in anticipation, feeling the hand move higher and higher to reach, finally, for where she wanted her mos-

“Ahem!” They broke apart, whipping round to their intruders, Therese didn’t recognise them, but the blush on Carol’s cheek was as red as her dress so Therese assumed they must be friends of hers. Carol was speechless, mortified nearly. “Sorry to interrupt… this, but I was just looking for somewhere private Carol?”

“F-Fred… I err… no its okay, Therese come on.” They stood, the new angle allowing them to see a man stood hand in hand with Fred. Therese saw Carol wink and Fred mirrored the action before they left the hidden paradise, the brunette still a little hazed by the past ten minutes. “S-sorry about that. That’s Fred.”

“That’s tennis Fred?!”

“Yep, tennis Fred. But the man behind him, looks familiar… maybe a secret that no one else was meant to know about.”

“Oh…” Therese said in realisation. “And he couldn’t have found somewhere else?!”

“I know right. Abby must have told him about it… But, there’s lots of room upstairs, a few rooms I know that no one else does…” Carol said timidly. “You know if you want, or we could get a drink, play darts… or-“

“Carol.” She put an end to her rambling. “I will go anywhere you like. If that’s upstairs… then great. If that’s darts or a drink… then that’s, _ok_.” Carol laughed as Therese couldn’t make herself more blatantly obvious, and she didn’t stop until they were in the foyer nearing the stairs, their bubble of happiness popped by the vision of Gen who was walking their way. Carol sighed, but decided to approach their friend who was now waving. “Hey Gen, sorry about earlier.” Carol said, a little distracted by the want of exploring upstairs.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll sterilise it later.” She joked. “So you must be the famous Therese. I’m Gen, I work with Carol and I’m also Abby’s mate.” She held out her hand as Therese wiped the sweat from hers on her suit trousers, before shaking it, feeling as though she would have to do that a few more times that night.

“Yep, that’s me. _Wild_ farmer girl.”

“Ah, yes, Abby told me about that. Sometimes she just doesn’t know when to shut her mouth, but you’ve given me another awkward story to tell for the next couple of years so who am I to complain?” Therese smirked, something about the directness of Genevieve she found appealing. She didn’t like people very often and was thankful that after this night she may be able to find a friend. She saw Abby come up behind the fair aired woman, kiss her playfully then turn to them, looking thoroughly buzzed.

“Carol, Therese! I’m so glad you could make it!” She said, handing Carol another dry martini.

“Well, you didn’t really leave much room to decline.” Therese joked, her humour not really being comprehended by many but Gen thought it was hilarious as she snorted.

“And thank you for inviting us, dear Abigail.” Carol said, trying to recover for the both of them.

“No worries, actually Carol, I need to talk to you, walk out to the balcony with me?”

Carol looked to Therese whose eyes screamed ‘no’ but Abby’s gaze told her that this wasn’t a topic for public discussion. “Ahh, yeah. Sure. Therese, I’ll be right back.”

Therese stopped Carol as she turned to follow the auburn woman, pulling her to whisper in her ear. “Carol, I thought you weren’t going to leave me, I’m… I wasn’t joking when I said I wasn’t a _people_ _person_ … these social situations, they’re – they’re-“

“Therese, just stay with Gen. I’ll keep an eye out. But, Abby gave me a look that said it was urgent, I can’t just ditch her if she needs me.”

“But, _I_ need you.”

“I know, Darling, and I’ll be right back I promise… Okay?” Carol looked Therese in the eye, giving her a delicate kiss, filled with promise, and as they pulled apart Therese nodded, reluctantly, letting Carol’s grasp leave her own and walk out towards the balcony. She watched every sway of her hips until she disappeared, and turned back around to a grinning Genevieve.

“So, Therese, do you have a drink preference, or will you let me surprise you?”

Therese contemplated her actions, she hadn’t really drank anything apart from beer and wine, something new, like the martini had been, would be nice. “Surprise me.”

“Atta girl.” Gen said running over to the bar, pulling out a copper bottle with two tumblers filling them with ice. “Therese, meet bourbon. Bourbon meet Therese. Not only is this Carol’s favourite drink but… just a delight in a bottle.” She slid a glass across the bar to the brunette’s awaiting hand. She sipped at it, pulling back, and bathing in the warm tingle it left down her throat and caramel oak flavour in her mouth.

“For some reason, I feel like we are going to be very well acquainted by the end of the night.”

“That’s what I like to hear!”

///

Carol left her drink on the side before stepping out onto the balcony with her best friend. “Abby, what’s the matter? I said I wouldn’t leave Therese.”

Abby lit a cigarette, offering it to Carol, who accepted. “Well it’s a few things actually, the first is, obviously you and Therese. What’s happening there? She seemed a little frosty through the door.”

“Oh, Abby, she just, doesn’t like this sort of crowd. I told you. And you did kind of back her into a corner at the café.”

“Yes, and if I hadn’t, we would be right here, right now, and you would be complaining about how she wasn’t here. So you’re welcome.”

“Ok, what else?”

“Next, I have to catch you up on the 411. Fred is here and he’s just dying to get you into a squash game, says he has really improved. Also he’s brought a match. His name is, Rick… I know I didn’t see it coming either. Jeanette and Cy are finally courting. Maybe you should take a leaf out of their book-”

“Well, maybe _you_ need to catch up with the 411 because, I did.”

“Really? When!”

“Yep! About nearly 2 hours ago on your pavement, yeah, I know this is all been kind of rushed. Anyway! What else?”

“Jack Taft. He’s here. And looking for you.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. He’s on the prowl, I only have eyes for women and even I can tell that man has game. He looks like a fucking lone wolf, waiting for his next meal.”

“Okay. Be happy for Jeanette and Cy. Stay close to Therese. Stay away from Jack. Congratulate Fred and Rick. Anything else because I really should be getting back.”

“Yes, last thing I promise.”

“What?”

“Harge is here…”

“What the-“

///

“-Fuck! Who knew I’d be good at poker?!” Therese looked round the green table to the sulking faces which only smiled when she was looking. They seemed as if they liked her, to Therese’s surprise, the bourbon making her a little more confident, and apparently letting the neurones flow easier as she had picked up poker like she had been playing her entire life. She was bringing different types of quota to the table than they were used to which was nice, but the fact she wore a black suit and wasn’t one of the waiters unnerved them, especially since she was a bit of a dark horse. “Ok, on the next round, I want someone to bet that delicious bottle of bourbon because I don’t know _how_ I have been walking this earth without it’s smooth taste.”

Her rivals chuckled, amused by her low stakes.

“You’re right. It’s one of my favourite bottles.” A deep voice said behind her, she turned to meet it and her gaze was met with a very tall, dark haired man, who looked as if he was in his thirties, with a rather young looking face but eyes and a stature that exuded experience. He pulled out a chair on the opposite side of the table, rolling his wide shoulders so his white coat that had rested on them fell back onto his chair, he nodded to the dealer to deal him in which he did as everyone got ready for the next round.

Therese had never seen such an expensive suit, it was pristine white. Not a scratch on him, and it suited him well, contrasting perfectly to his jet black hair.

“I like your suit, Caesar.” Therese said, monotony. She sensed something about the stranger that didn’t sit quite right with her but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“Thank you Brunel, and yours suits you very well.”

“Thank you. I’m guessing you play.” The whole table chuckled, and the small crowd they were gathering, her eyes darted round the strangers, they obviously knew something she didn’t.

“Yes, I… _dabble_ in poker, one would say. But I hear, that you, a newcomer and a fast learner, are on a winning streak.”

“Well, I guess you could say that. Although guessing by the crowd that has swooned over with you that you intend to stop that.”

“Oh, well…” He smiled. “I have to keep my crown.” He turned his attention to the dealer briefly, ordering him to shuffle, turning his attention back. “So what is it you do, Miss…”

“Belivet. I work in the Agriculture section 5 sub 3, I _dabble_ in everything, _one would say_. And you… Mr…?”

He chuckled deeply at her standoff attitude. “Aird. I work in the Law and order department. We investigate the possibly infected and we exile those that wish to infect the rest of us. We aim to minimise the population of ferals, and SEEC to our best capability.” He smiled proudly of his job title, which was clearly well rehearsed, his admirers around him gazed upon him with awe as they lapped the act up.

“I see.” Therese said coldly, taking a drink. _Where the fuck is Carol?_

“You know what, I’ll put that bottle on the table. I like you... you look like you don’t take shit from anyone.” _If only you knew you. Ignorance is bliss isn’t it?_

“Well, I won’t deny your accusations and…Sure why not? A little fun never hurt.”

“That’s the spirit. And what will you bring to the table Miss Belivet?” Mr Aird said, lighting a cigarette sliding the pack over the table to Therese, and she warily lit one as well.

She took a slow drag, letting the smoke dance off her lips. “…Depends on what you want. I doubt that I have the sizable quota of everyone else here, and you seem to be a very stable man. Do you have any ideas?”

“Well you say you come from the agricultural section… It’s a well-known stereotype that Bruneians tend to stay very close. Tell me do you know of the coffee farm, in your section?”

“I do.” Therese said through gritted teeth, knowing what other factions thought of theirs. That was one of the nicer stereotypes, along with ‘Bruneians are all too dumb to work in other sectors.’ And ‘Bruneians cause 90% of infection of love.’ _There is so much to admire in this ‘equal’ society._

“Well, a while back, when I was just starting out, we raided a house nearby there. We were successful of course, the perpetrators exiled, their belongings dealt with.” He stopped to breathe through the tobacco before continuing. “-and we stopped by one of the bars for a drink after. They had the best coffee I had ever tasted and it’s all because they got it fresh from that farm. Coffee beans is all I ask for. Let’s say a gram for every ten millilitres I offer to start with?”

“Yes… I can do that… _animal_.” Therese couldn’t bite her tongue any longer, focusing her attention on her cigarette.

His attention snapped from smiling to his fans to glaring at the young girl. “I’m sorry?”

“I said Aird. That is you last name right? Or is my _feral_ _brain_ just confused?” Therese said with a tilt of her head and a tap of ash.

“…” He sat there analysing her, in minute detail. “Let’s play.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh... I'm evil.  
> But i can't be all bad because i have posted a day early. I will be paralytic tomorrow, and then too hungover on New year's day with any luck, therefore...   
> Night of stupid abandon = early post.  
> Funny how things work out huh? ;)


	9. Wild Times

“ABBY! What the hell! You couldn’t have started with that?!”

“T-To be honest I was scared to t-tell you.” The auburn stuttered under Carol’s stormy piercing gaze.

Carol hadn’t seen Harge since the spilt. It had been lengthy, very drawn out. Her time divided between hosting parties like this one for law executives and pretending to be all interested in Harge’s overbearing and heroic stories. He had been sweet when they met, but the thrill died out, and so did their compatibility. Harge’s frustration rising over his low fertility, his annoyance at his inability to contribute, constantly getting Carol checked to make sure it wasn’t her. Her life had turned into a mundane routine and she just couldn’t bear it any longer. And for Harge to have a divorce on his record. He was not pleased. “Why the hell is he here?!”

“This is a poker party night! He’s the best poker player in a ten mile radius. He heard about it. Got an invite through one of his many contacts and guess he came here to gloat about how well the job is going. I know we all obey the SEEC but that man breathes it. Plus, I can’t kick out an officer! Someone must have just been ‘awestruck’ and let him through the door.”

Carol stalked back and forth the balcony, her fingers pressed against her temple. Trying to get her brain to work. “Abby, do you realise how much could go wrong? I have only just started courting with Therese. LITERALLY! It is going so well, Abby. So well! And now… and now THIS!”

“I-I… I don’t know what to do Carol. I loathe him probably more than you do! How do you think _I_ feel?”

“ _You_ feel?!” Carol stomped on the cigarette she had hurled from her grasp, grinding it into the ground with frustration. “My ex-mate is somewhere in your god forsaken house, the same house my _new_ , _anti_ - _social_ , rather _on_ _edge_ court is?! And not only do I have to keep up social appearances _but_ I have to fend off a hungry match _and_ avoid the man I wasn’t really planning on talking to, ever again. We took our separate ways. We split, no it wasn’t clean, and yes he hates both of our guts, and to be honest rightly so… but… couldn’t the stars in the constellation ‘let’s fuck over Carol’ just align some other day?” She asked the sky, finally giving the crushed cigarette under her foot some mercy.

“Well with a little more warning I would whip out one of my thousands of sextants and telescopes and chart their alignment to my history books.” Abby’s dry sense of humour never left her.

“Very funny Abby... I have to get back in there and find Therese. You look upstairs, message me if you find either of them.”

“Got it.”

They slipped back into the party, Carol picking up her drink and downing it in one swig wincing a little at its overly sharp taste, mentally noting to teach Abby how to make a proper one later. Meanwhile, Abby headed for the staircase and Carol searched the ground floor. It was the first time she had disliked Abby’s house as she made her way round its large rooms and hallways. She poked her head in the poker room and saw a large crown gathered, but decided to look elsewhere, because she was sure Therese would be staying away from those.

She wandered into the kitchen, seeing people mingling, eating, cracking open drinks when a couple slid into her view. “CAROL! Sweetie, I have such good news!”

Carol tried to glimpse past the theatrical woman who was waving her limbs all over the place, her stance a little tipsy. “Jeanette, hi. I’m sorry i-“

“Cy and I are courting!” The pitch was high enough to set off alarms.

She couldn’t see Therese anywhere, so gave into the enthusiastic blonde. “I’m so happy for you. It’s about time!”

“Yes, everyone is saying that, aren’t they Cy.” Her match grunted with affirmation and Carol tried to pull a smile.

“Listen Jeanette, you haven’t happened to have seen a young woman, dark hair, black tailored suit, platform heels, anywhere about have you? Pale skin high cheekbones, utterly gorgeous.”

“Ooh… did we Cy… No, I can’t say I have. Why, are you on the prowl?”

“Well, err. You could say that I guess.”

“Well I hope you find her, it’s about time you got back on the court Carol. She sounds pretty.”

“Unbelievably so. If you’ll excuse me.” Carol dodged to the side not allowing her friend to reply, walking into a room where music was playing, people slow dancing. Swaying lightly. She looked around the dimly lit room, squinting. The hubbub of people making it hard to define each person.

“Carol.”

She whipped round. “Therese?”

“Close! Jack Taft. Wow. You are _stunning_ , you know that? I’m sure you recognise my name so I’m going to cut to the chase. Let’s dance.” He threw his hat in the general direction of the coat rack, missing by a mile, but his cheesy grin unfaltering.

“No- er -Jack.” Carol stuttered as she was dragged by the waist onto the dancefloor and pressed up against his chest. “Excuse me! Wh-“

“I saw you on the balcony with Abby, and goodness, you look good enough to _eat_ , I just had to stop and stare for a little while. Do you think you’d like that?”

“I’m sorry Ja-“

“Oh. Shhh. Sh.. I know it’s going a little fast but we’re _matched_. You’re gorgeous, and well, I’ve been planning on meeting you tonight for a while.”

“I really have to-“

“Oh don’t leave me now baby. Don’t you feel this, Carol? This heat. This connection? Look at this face. You can’t say no. _Can you_?” He said, arrogantly pulling what Carol assumed to be a poor attempt at a tasteless smoulder.

His confidence assured words knocked her off balance and she shook her cloudy head to clear it. “No.”

“I knew it.” He smirked leaning in. Carol’s eyes widened at this horny man’s approach pushing him off her.

“No, I mean, yes. Yes, I can say no. Fucking hell. Just stay there!” She stormed out of the room, leaving the man calling her name behind her, trying to mute him out of her dizzy head.

She ran towards the bar, thinking Therese may have stopped for a drink. Messaging her frantically on her smart watch. She looked around again seeing no one but hearing her name.

“Carol!”

“Fred! Hi. I’m sorry but have you seen the woman I was with earlier, in a black tailored suit, dark hair, not usually around here?”

“Yes… I have…” He replied cautiously.

“Great where is she?!” Carol thanked her unlucky constellation that _someone_ had seen her.

“She… She’s in the poker room. Gambling with Hargess…”

“Fuck!” _There’s no way in hell this is happening, I left for what? Half an hour?! Why? WHY?!_

“Carol, I wouldn’t go in there. Harge has… hardened since you left him.”

“I’ve heard. Thank you, Fred. And Congratulations with Rick!” She called behind her as she hurried towards the poker room, Fred raising his glass in thanks.

As she hurried she messaged Abby the news. _Abby… Abbijk…_ She couldn’t type. Her fingers felt numb and her head even dizzier and her legs slowed as she leant up against the nearest wall, clawing at the paint, trying to get it to stop swaying.

She could hear cheers and screams coming from the poker room and as the noise increased so did her paranoia. “F-Fuck sake, Therese. The one man. The one m-man…” Her mind went blank once more and so did her vision for a second, and then a few more. In her haze she could still feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. She turned to see Jack watching her closely from the corner of the room.

_Motherfucker._

The realisation washed over her, as her vision blurred once more, the events of the night replaying in her head. “m-my…drin-nk.”

She stumbled her way to the bathroom locking it behind looking round but her head pounded, her vision circling her, and the last thing she felt was her body smack the cold floor tiles.

///

“And are you alone tonight Mr… Aird?” She said taking her cards from the dealer, peaking at them, watching him do the same.

“Yes…”

“And why is that? Doesn’t your court want to watch you beat a 20 year old girl at poker on her first try? Call.” Therese typed her pin in on the table adding her quota to the pot after being slid a card.

“Nice guilt trip, but I want my coffee. And no. I don’t have one. Not for a very long time, now.” The man was dealt a card, he was on his way to a straight flush and he knew it therefore raised.

“Oh?” Therese inquired as others went, some folding, others calling.

“Yes, she… we got a divorce. I have been devoted to my work ever since. I plan to contribute to the population when I’m older. She couldn’t handle my… dedication. Let’s say.” He peaked at his cards once more. “I raise you, a bottle, that’s 100 grams of coffee Miss Belivet.”

Harge was unaware that at Therese’s farmhouse, coffee was passed around like air. No one worked without it. They had tonnes. 100 grams was what she had for breakfast. Therese was dealt another card. “I’ll call.” She said, not cracking.

He raised a brow. “Very brave Miss Belivet.”

“What can I say, the taste of that bourbon agrees with me.”

“So what about you, are you mated?” He asked rather uninterested.

“Mated? No… I’m not and don’t plan to for a while, but I am courting.” Therese said nonchalantly, thinking she heard a little commotion outside but decided to ignore it.

“You don’t plan to mate? Why not?” The man’s fingers twitched around his cards.

“I’m just not feeling it right now.” She could see she was getting under his skin. “It’s your turn Mr Aird.”

He looked down at his cards and tapped in his pin. “I’ll raise you. Two bottles. 200 grams. That’s your quota of coffee isn’t it?”

“Around about. But I’ll raise you further. 300 grams. 3 bottles. The third, one of my court’s choosing.”

“Fine but, how will you find a supply when you lose?”

“Don’t you worry about how. I have my ways, Caesar.” The game carried on, intense glares were exchanged.

“So, your court, what is he like? A farm hand?” He smirked, a small hum of chuckles came from the people around them.

“No, _she_ works in the city actually, and loves bourbon funnily enough. She is the one that brought me here. Otherwise I wouldn’t be sat with all you _lovely_ people this evening.”

The man smirked at Therese’s distaste. “Yes, this must be very different to the weekly brawls down at the country pubs.”

“Yes, very much so. Much livelier there, most of us wearing black…” Harge grunted, looking around and seeing everyone had folded apart from the two of them. “Looks we are the only two left Mr Aird. Only one more round left.”

“Yes… unlucky for you. I raise you. The two most quotable bottles in Abby’s possession, which I will reimburse her for. The bottle your court desires and 6 rest days. Money can’t buy time Therese, I have made a very, very rich offer.” The crowd gasped looking upon the green illuminated table in suspense, looking back and forth between the suit clad figures. Between black and white.

“And I call that. One kilogram!” Therese actually heard a yelp in the crowd and it made her chuckle, annoying Harge even more.

“What’s so funny?” He asked, hiding his nerves.

“Oh, you know. City people. City standards. City reactions. Things I’m not quite accustom to yet.”

“And after this game I don’t think you’ll want to return again. A straight flush.” He lay his cards face up on the table. Red diamonds in ascending order. The horde gasped and cheered, muttering their thought to one another, creating a collective murmur.

“You’re good Mr Aird… But this feral is lucky…” His wide smirk dropped from his face as he watched her theatrics. “A royal flush…” His mouth hung open, shocked, astounded, as the hologram pot disintegrated into Therese’s quota pixel by pixel.

The mob hailed and applauded, making a ruckus of cheers, but Therese held her hand up simply to silence them. They followed her movements microscopically. “Now, now. There is no such need for this melodrama. I won. He lost. The game is over. Thank you for playing. And if you wouldn’t mind I’m going to get drink from my now very wealthy collection, and find my court. Thank you for such an enjoyable evening.”

“Wait! Wait!” Harge said getting up from the table. “That’s not how this works! You can’t just leave. Double or nothing.”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m content with my winnings. This was fun.” She turned to leave once more.

“This isn’t _fun_ Miss Belivet, this is a society, a business. Play again. See how far your _luck_ could stretch tonight.”

“AS I said, thank you but-“

“GODDAMIT! PLAY YOU FERAL!” Therese stopped in her tracks, the people that had parted around her muttering gossip.

She undid her suit button, tilting her head in his direction. “What did you call me?”

“…” His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to recede his anger and reclaim the cool stature that Therese had mastered.

“And we were getting on so well…” Therese walked back the way she came, up onto her chair and began to stride across the moss green table, the man shocked by her actions glaring up at her as she marched over, towering above him.

She was about to reach him, clasp her hand around his throat, knee him in the nose, she didn’t know what just yet but she didn’t have to when she felt a hand clasp around her ankle and a strangled voice fill the air with the word. ‘Stop!’

Therese stilled, ignoring the astonishment of her crowd as she looked down to the bowed head of blonde ringlet curls. It was Carol, trembling, shaking as if her body couldn’t physically stop, and then she looked up at her.

Therese’s heart skipped a beat when she saw the once strong grey eyes, now dull and scared, the pupils blown out of proportion, darting hysterically, her face was as white as a sheet and her mouth quivered as she tried to say more words. Her mind flashed back to when they had first entered the party, they were happy, smiling, and now to see Carol like this weakly grasping at her, pleading with her eyes and her face as white as a sheet, Therese could feel anger bubbling up inside her, and also guilt, for being swept into this stupid game, when she could have been with Carol looking after her.

“Carol?” She said.

“Carol?” Harge parroted. Therese jumped down from the table wrapping her arms under the blonde and lifting her from her feet, taking her from the commotion and staring eyes, only being followed by Abby and Harge as she stormed towards the kitchen. “Everyone out!” She shouted, clearing the room with her demanding voice and the wild look in her eyes as they darted round, mostly to Carol, who was slowly blinking into her chest. She had never seen Carol this way before, it was like she wasn’t even there behind those eyes.

She laid the blonde down on the kitchen table, Abby, swiping the glasses away to make room. Therese immediately steeped back, even though it pained her, but she knew Abby was in Seacole, and whatever Carol needed, Abby was the one who knew it best.

“How do you know my mate?” Harge asked a little alarmed.

“Your MATE?!”

“ _EX_ mate, Hargess.” Abby growled, checking Carol’s pulse.

“Yes, well… whose fault is that?” He added a little ashamed.

“She is my court! And don’t you go anywhere near her.” Therese said, pushing the man square in the chest, making him stagger.

“Me? I should be asking you to stay away. I knew her for _years_.” He bellowed.

“And she chose to leave you anyway.”

“You little feral!”

“THERESE, HARGE. SHUT UP! Carol, Carol can you hear me?” She opened each eye looking into each pupil.

Just then Gen stormed in, her hand scrunched in a man’s shirt, throwing him towards Therese and Harge’s feud. “This is the creep. He’s one of Carol’s other matches. Jack Taft. I could see him watching her and when she found you, he was trying to leave. He must have put something in her drink.”

The man looked up under his tilted hat, a little scared, and wary of the people in suits circling him like he was dinner. Therese was first to intervene. “What the fuck did you put in her drink, you little perv?” She snarled, grabbing his shirt and pressing him to the wall.

“I-I didn’t do anything I _swear_.”

“You didn’t do anything? Is that why her eyes are as big as saucers?!” Therese asked sceptically.

“N-no. _She_ was the one all over _me_. _Asked_ me to give her a little something to loosen up. She thought we were well matched…” The lies tumbled from his mouth as if they were true. And to be fair to him, he had a way of saying things convincingly, but it was all an act that Therese saw through immediately.

“Anything to save your own skin.” She dragged him rounding a tight circle, making sure her leg went behind his scuppering feet as she did so he fell to the floor with a thud. “What the fuck did you give her, or I swear to God, I’ll drag you out to the country, and bury you alive!”

His eyes went large looking round for something, someone to help. “Hey, Mr Aird. Officer. Help me! Help me! She’s attacking me! Breaking the SEEC. Take this wild thing to the Panel.” He squeaked out the last words as Therese’s hand found a way round his neck when he called her a ‘wild thing’.

Harge straightened his suit, walking over to watch the man squirm under Therese’s grasp. “I will make sure you will be exiled to the wild for attempted sexual assault quicker than you can say ‘sorry’…” Jack looked at him, searching to see if he was telling the truth and the way Harge hardened his stare told him that he meant every word. “Now what did you give her?”

Therese tightened her grasp on his throat, watching his eyes bulge and body tense beneath her. “Ecstasy.” He squealed out, like the pig he was.

“The drug name?” Abby called over, turning Carol on her side.

“MDMA.” He said, clawing at Therese’s tightening grasp.

“Abby? What do you need? Do we need him?” She replied that she didn’t so Therese didn’t hesitate in placing a carefully landed punch to his temple to knock him out where he lay. She climbed off his limp form, turning to Harge. “I’ll look after Carol. Harge?” Harge nodded curtly, grabbing Jack’s shirt, dragging him outside and throwing his body down the stone steps, tapping on his smart watch alerting some nearby cruisers to take him away, seriously contemplating whether or not this guy deserved the wild as he sat and waited. “Abby is she okay?” Therese asked.

“Yes, she’s going to be alright. Just be thankful that it wasn’t rohypnol or anything more dangerous, like GHB... Methylenedioxymethamphetamine.”

“What?”

“MDMA, can make you feel euphoric but side effects include nausea, drowsiness, confusion, and sometimes give you small states of amnesia. It makes people more sexually passive. She’s going to be alright but she won’t feel good in the morning… I should have been looking out for her! She left her drink to talk to me!”

“And I should have found her as soon as you had finished talking but we both make mistakes. We didn’t know and neither did Carol… Do you have a car? I know it’s only round the corner but I’d like to get her home. Away from these people.” Therese glanced back towards the door, where people were peeking through the door, their bored lives suddenly spiked with a hint of action, and in their minds it was all because of Therese Belivet.

“Sure, I’ll get her in our car, meet you at Carol’s. Can you help Gen with dealing with everyone and run round after?” Therese looked at Carol’s still form, her chest slowly rising and falling, not wanting to leave her court, her eyes expressing all Abby needed to know. “I’ll look after her Therese. I promise. She’ll be okay. I’ll take her home and wait for you. If there’s any changes I’ll contact you immediately. You are her court, she is your key to the SEEC, and I know that makes her important to you… She’ll be alright.”

Therese contemplated, looking to Gen who was having trouble keeping the interested bodies at bay and back to Carol. “Keep her safe Abby.” The auburn nodded as the Harge walked in saying that Jack was now being dealt with by the Police. “Harge, help Abby with Carol into the car and into the house. Touch her any more than that and you’ll see how feral I can be.”

Harge nodded in understanding, suppressing his growl and sufficing with a grunt. Therese hurried over to Carol, kissing her temple before walking briskly to the door placing a hand on Gen’s shoulder to notify her that she would help. “Ok people, we’re going to need some space, please make your way into the garden, the kitchen this hallway and dance room is closed. The food trays will be brought out in a while.”

Gen and Therese spread their arms walking forward slowly, herding people away from the scene hearing the murmurs and whispers of gossip. _“… Belivet, Theresa… Yes Bruneian… I heard she’s feral… Carol drank too much, we always suspected she… her court left her for the young man – James? Jack?... she tackled him to the floor like an animal…. Drugged, I bet she planted it… cheated, there’s no other way she won… stormed across the table… dragged Carol from the room…”_

“SILENCE!” Therese broke, the whispers becoming too much as everyone turned to her in the garden. She stood at the top of the step to the house as everyone looked up at her. “Look at yourselves! You’re acting like children gossiping about matches! Pull yourselves together…” They looked at her wide eyed and blinking.

“I have never been to a city party before. Never seen such sizable quotas before… And this has been one of the most shocking nights of my life… You gossip and judge people at a glance. Stereotyping… it’s _pathetic_ and a habit that I _personally_ believe is as bad as the disease we all fear…” There were gasps at her exclamations. “But they haven’t managed to make a cure for that yet have they… My name is Therese Belivet. I am 20 years old. I am a Brunel and proud, and I am a feral… do you think I chose to be born? That I chose to be looked down on by society? No… but you don’t worry yourselves with that, all you do is search for new exciting bites of information to latch onto, because when you _really_ look at your own lives, they are _boring_. You aren’t _living_ … just merely existing… _surviving_. And yes, it’s good to survive but it isn’t worth it if you don’t _live_ … Carol is my court… she was drugged by a man that had easily blended into your crowd… and you didn’t even notice… I came here to have my ideas of the city torn down and a few of you, managed to. You showed me that some of you were _kind_. But that others of you are ignorant… and have reinforced my mind-set. It isn’t written in stone… because that would make me as bad as you if not worse, and I refuse to stoop to that level…”

Therese looked round the silent shocked faces. “Enjoy your fucking night… Gen, thank you for having me, I hope to see you again soon.”

And with that Therese began to walk back into the house, straightening her suit jacket, doing up the buttons and ignoring the guilty glances being shot her way. She left, closing the door behind herself and jogging the way to Carol’s. Seeing Harge leaving the house with his coat over his arm, flecking some flint off it, she slowed.

He saw Therese in his peripheral vision, turning to her with a sort of resolution behind his eyes and nodded in respect. Therese did the same, turning from him and walking up the steps, letting herself in and calling out the name of the only person she could think about.

“Carol?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun, Dun, Duhhhhhhhhhhh!
> 
> You may have noticed i haven't completely demonised Harge in this fic. Yes he is an asshole, a pretentious one which is even worse, who thinks he's the bees fucking knees. But it doesn't automatically make you into a hot headed over protective psychopath. In this fic we are literally in 3000's. Homosexuality is far far far from being a crime. Harge in this fic is a man of the law, and therefore behaves so... Plus it must be nice to see Harge actually walk away from Carol without kicking and screaming for once or calling her a bitch, right? Men aren't the bane of the human race... at least not in this time period they aren't. ;)
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed. Leave me your thoughts :)


	10. Balancing Compassion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I enjoy torturing you secretly

“Therese?”

“Carol?” Therese looked up the stairs to where the voice was coming from, her angst greeted with Abby’s sympathetic face. “Oh, hi Abby. How is she?”

“She’s fine, she’s had some water, thrown up once or twice, and now she’s sleeping with a bucket by the bed. I just changed her, so don’t worry, she’s as comfortable as one can be when drugged. If she gets really hot and doesn’t cool, or she has a seizure, or a panic attack, ring the _medical_ _services_ right away, and _then_ me…” Therese agreed. “I’m going to go, Gen just told me that it’s gotten really silent over there… Anyway, out of the few comprehendible words Carol said most of them were your name. I’ve left a video message for her on her watch.”

Therese could see Abby’s hesitance in leaving. “Don’t worry, Abby. You can trust me. I promise to take care of her, and unlike others I will not abuse her right to consent.”

“Wow, so formal!” She tried to mask her upset with a joke and quiet laughter which cascaded into tears rather gradually. “It’s just… she could have been kidnapped or worse, r-“

“Don’t do this to yourself, Abby. How could you have known?”

“No, but I do this. I say yes to everything and anyone, and let them in. If he had gotten away with it, she could have woken up naked in an alley or wondering why the fuck we didn’t look for her, or care for her.” She broke down in tears, but Therese didn’t have much experience with these situations as the woman balled in front of her.  So she approached Abby slowly, as if she didn’t want to scare her away, to gently take her into a hug, holding her gently as she cried, soothingly shushing her and patting her back rather awkwardly. She nearly sighed with relief when Abby seemed to calm down a little. Abby pulled back, wiping her eyes as Therese shoved her hands in her pockets. “I’m sorry. It’s just she’s my best friend and our past and… I’m sorry… and I’m sorry for being so idiotic when we first met.”

“It’s okay, you entered with a bang… Abby, it’s alright. Whatever may have happened in the past with you two, I trust it’s in the past and you are mated to a very funny woman, with a child. You’ve completed your SEEC. Plus Carol trusts you. I don’t know if Carol said anything but I am not the biggest socialite… crowds make me… nervous, people make me nervous. I need someone to make sure she’s ok, when I can’t. I had no idea what to do, and I’m thankful you were there.” Therese said honestly. It was one of her biggest worries that one day she wouldn’t be the one able to protect Carol.

“I just don’t want to be the one that screws it up for you two… I… I haven’t seen Carol so happy in such a long time and I just want her to achieve the happiness that we all want to. Things between us ended rather suddenly, but things… change. It changes, nobody’s fault. And I was just as worried, but I have been trained to act in those situations. You did well.”

“Thank you…” Therese watched Abby head to the door, emotionally and physically shivering a little, until she remembered the chivalrous rules Jen had crammed into her before she left. “Wait. Abby. Here take this.” She said, shedding off her suit jacket and placing it over the auburn, stepping back to let her carry on out the door. “It’s getting cold.”

“Thank you Therese.” She said sincerely before leaving, and the brunette was left in the big house alone. She headed up the stairs taking two at a time, reaching the top and searched the first floor for bedrooms, until she found it, opening the door quietly.

Carol was tucked in her bed, laying on her side, and her hands near her face. She would have looked peaceful, or angelic, if it wasn’t for the cold sweat that had broken out on her forehead and sunken eyes, half covered by a cool flannel that had slipped off.

Therese walked over, trying to be quiet, picking up the damp flannel which was now warm. She went to the en suite, wringing the cloth, running it under the cold tap before returning and placing it on the blonde’s head delicately. She shifted in her sleep as she did, making Therese freeze but she soon settle back into unconsciousness.

Therese, rolled her off her back and onto her side, so that if she threw up she wouldn’t choke, having much experience with drunk friends. She tottered down the stairs, finding the kitchen and clicking the kettle on, admiring the fine house. Even if it lacked Carol’s exuberance it screamed her finesse, the soft creams and beiges, much like every other house down this road, made it generic but the placing and fine touches like a metallic cigarette box and worn out book under the lamp with a pair of glasses resting on top of the worn leather made it Carol’s.

She looked for mugs, making tea, before looking through the fridge, not having a clue what to make so she closed it once more tapping on the front of the interactive fridge, swiping through possible meals until she found a simple tomato soup one. She took out the ingredients, careful to inspect each one before putting it down, she was an awful cook so she was following the provided recipe to a T.

She chopped the vegetables roughly, throwing them in the hot water, along with a few herbs off of Carol’s windowsill and seasonings from the cupboard refraining herself from adding anything extra no matter how good the vinegar, chilli and noodles looked, it wasn’t on the recipe, it’s wasn’t going in. It was to be left on a simmer for 20 minutes, so she checked on Carol once more, changing her flannel, before coming back down. She looked around for a while, admiring the place Carol must have felt most at home. Imagining her laid on the couch reading that book wearing those tortoiseshell glasses. On the phone to Abby. Cooking in the kitchen. Sipping tea on the kitchen island.

It was so tempting to whack up the heat on the soup and cook it for a few minutes but her mind stopped her, reminding her of her previous dalliances in cooking and how each one had been a failure. She looked over to her smart watch, not really paying attention to it, the night as it had been so hectic. There were missed calls and messages from Carol.

_Therese, I’m sorry about leaving, Abby had to tell me something. I should have stayed with you.  Where are you? Xx_

_Angel, I can’t find you, are you upstairs? Xx_

_Therese pick up your phone, I can’t find you anywhere_

_Darling I have a massive headache I think I drank too much. Call me please? Xx_

Therese’s heart ached as she read through them, not allowing the tears at the corners of her eyes to fall on her idiocy. Mentally scolding herself for being so reckless. When the 20 minutes were up she took it off the stove, letting it cool and slid it into the fridge, quite proud of herself after tasting it because it didn’t make her throw up on the spot which was a new thing.

She dragged her tired body upstairs, the silence of the house deafening, with a cold water in hand to place on Carol’s side table. She entered the room, closing the door behind her quietly but when she turned back around the sleeping beauty was no longer sleeping, but bolted up right, staring at her shocked form.

The brunette froze like a deer in headlights, blinking under her scrutiny. When neither of them said a word; she took a step towards bed and Carol followed her with her grey stormy eyes, her hair a bit ruffled and her haphazardly put on red tartan pyjamas hanging off one shoulder. Therese tried to brush off the feeling of the hair on the back of her neck standing on end but it wouldn’t leave as she placed the glass of water on the side table and sat in the arm chair next to Carol’s side.

The silence stretched as Carol elongated her gaze, like a harsh spotlight on a vampire, Therese sizzling under it. Suffering in silence. Until the blonde parted her thick lips to speak.

“Therese…?” She whispered, in a voice that wasn’t well known to Therese. _She almost sounds… sultry._

“Y-Yes.” She stammered.

“You don’t have to sleep over there you know…”

“I know.” She replied simply. “But, I will... Because you need to sleep, until this wears off… Get it all out of your system…”

Carol nodded taking the information in slowly before turning back to the brunette. “Even if you wanted to sleep with me?” Carol asked narrowing her gaze.

“Even if I wanted to.” Therese said, bowing her head trying to hide her blush because she did, but never in this way. She wanted the choice and consent to be Carol’s and Carol’s alone.

“Even if I wanted to sleep with you?” The green eyes shot up, meeting with the piercing grey, seeing the unadulterated lust in them, and a thin opacity.

She swallowed, trying to banish the thoughts of Carol wanting her that way, and she had to remind herself that this wasn’t her Carol slowly crawling towards her. “Even if you wanted to…”

“Do you… want to sleep with me, T-Therese…?” The blonde shook her head as if clouded before looking back to the suited girl in the chair, watching her jaw clench.

“… You need to go back to bed, here, I got you some water.” Therese reached for the glass, but Carol’s hand caught hers on the way, nearly falling off the bed as she did but catching herself as she steadied her weight on Therese’s arm. She slid her feet off the mattress, standing up but her legs buckling beneath her as she could barely feel them.

Therese stood to catch her, instinctively, only to have the blonde smile against her neck. “I knew you couldn’t resist me.” Therese struggled with the limp limbs draped over her, trying to get Carol upright and guide her back to the bed but the blonde wasn’t having any of it. “Therese!”

“Carol… I think you should just…” The blonde slipped from her grasp but she caught her once more. “J-Just lay down and- and-” She couldn’t say anymore as Carol’s lips landed on hers, desperate and wanting, smiling like an idiot, not stopping till Therese pulled back. “Carol, stop!” The blonde’s smile fell. “I can’t. I _won’t_. Not like this. I can’t sleep with you, Carol, because I… Because you’re drugged and as much as I want you, I don’t won’t have you like _this_.”

Therese was shocked when she felt to palms hit her chest and push her off, weakly but enough for them to lose contact, Carol swaying on her own two feet. Her head was bowed, her curls covering her face. Therese was a little scared how quickly the blonde’s emotions had swung and clearly in this state she didn’t handle rejection well. Her heart tore in two when Carol’s hand came up to hug herself tightly, her shoulders quaking as her silent tears became bashful sobs, tears rolling down her face before falling to the floor.

“Carol-“

“I w-want you Therese! W-why are you-u being like this… Why… do I not… _know_ what _it_ is? Why do I _feel_ like this… this… _way_?” Therese frowned asking what she meant, only to be ignored. “Why won’t the r-room stay still?” She asked making the brunette fret with the amount she was fluctuating side to side.

“Carol…” Therese tried, reaching out a hand to steady her by the elbow, but Carol smacked it away screaming at her.

“Don’t touch me!” She said, pupils huge and nostrils flared, before her whole face relaxed again, and she stumbled as if the room was tilted, catching herself as she was about to pass the point of no return. Each movement made Therese want to take her in her arms and hold onto her tightly, but she restrained herself, the red mark on her hand still a stinging reminder of why she shouldn’t. The blonde clutched at her head screwing her eyes shut, hitting it slowly, her breathing laboured, one arm still hugging herself.

“Carol, let me help you Carol… Please let me in, let me help…” Therese plead, it physically hurting to see her court in this state. She neared carefully, pushing up her shirt sleeves, getting closer and closer.

“No, stay back…it…it hurts.” Carol said drowsily, trying to hold out a hand but it was putting off her balance.

“I’m just going to help Carol… don’t worry you’re safe.”

“But-But- Therese-”

“Yes, it’s me, Therese. Now Carol… Just stay still, it’s going to be alright…I promise.” She held out a hand only centimetres away from touching the blonde when she violently keeled over, vomiting over Therese’s trousers and feet, retching and coughing deeply before hitting the floor with a thud. Out of breath and sobbing.

Therese was shocked at first unsure of what to do, but the strong stench hit her and snapped her back into action. She saw Carol shivering on the floor, but she couldn’t touch anything when half of her was covered in sick.

She looked down, slowly feeling the warmth penetrating her trousers so she stripped them off, throwing them into the bathtub in the ensuite before coming back to Carol, stroking her hair slowly as the blonde apologised repeatedly, like a mantra, but Therese whispered reassurance, lifting her off of the floor and onto the bed, placing her on her side and brushing her cheek with her thumb until her breathing evened and her eyes flickered close.

When Therese was sure the blonde was resting she set to work, cleaning the sick, throwing her pants and trousers in the wash, digging out some black shorts and socks as well as an oversized shirt, before returning to the bed side, undoing her hair and pulling it all up into a messy top knot. Sighing at the sight before her.

She changed the flannel once more, made the blonde drink some water and cleaned up her face, making sure Carol was completely tucked in and as comfortable one could be, so she could take the blanket from the end of the bed and cover herself with it, to snuggle into the armchair facing Carol, and watch her breathe evenly.

Therese sighed into the ether, only silence responding so she opened her mouth once more. “Who are you?”

_I’m the woman who won’t take any of your shit and reads you like a book. I’m your 100%._

Therese could hear the blonde’s words reverberate in her head. “Yeah, of course you are… It’s late… nearly 2am… it always gets late with you… An inarticulate anxiety, a desire to know, know anything, for certain, has jammed itself in my throat. I feel like I can hardly breathe… I don’t know when it began… and I don’t want to suffocate… I don’t want to die without knowing you… That I am sure of. But I worry… Do you feel the same way, Carol?” The stony silence she received as an answer was unfulfilling but she was also grateful for it, because she was sure she would pass out right there and then if she gained a response.

“Goodnight, my unlucky blessing… goodnight 13.”

///

Carol blinked slowly opening her eyes to the dark room, thankful her bedroom had black out blinds. The clock on the bedside table, next to a glass of water read 8:57. She blinked slowly, moving her gaze only to be punished by her head. She winced as her skull reminded her of an empty box, and the dehydrated thing she called a brain felt like a solid rock bouncing off the walls of her cranium at velocity. She reached out for the glass of water, gulping it down, noticing how dry her lips were.

The faint smell of sick wafted to her, her other sense heightened as she wouldn’t allow her eyes to open. The scent bringing back a few memories, but not many. She brushed a few fingers through her hair and let her nails trail along her skin. She had left her make up on from the night before and it wasn’t doing wonders for her pores as she felt so clogged.

She wondered how she had gotten in pyjamas, who had closed the blinds and who had put her to bed, when she heard light snoring answer all of her questions. Carol forced her eyes open, no matter how much it hurt her head, seeing Therese, curled up in an armchair right by her side. Protecting her. Watching over her, like-

“My angel… Flung out of space…” Her stomach growled, the noise signalling how empty it was, and she assumed the faint smell of sick had something to do with it. She gazed at her court, wondering how she still managed to look cute, even when she was sleeping. She tried laying back down in bed, to drift off back into unconsciousness, but a few images from the previous night, a man staring at her like prey, and Therese looking down at her worriedly while the ceilings rushed by, the fragments taunted her, not allowing her to slip off into slumber.

Carol swung her legs off the side of the bed, her head still not catching up. It pounded as her feet met the ground, and stood on them shakily. Her hand was still supporting her body on the bed, as she took a step towards Therese, but as soon as she put weight on her unstable leg, the room tilted, disorientated, she fell into the lap of her protector.

Therese woke with a start, Carol on her lap, still looking rather pale, but her eyes were back to normal, and she seemed to have a little more control. “Therese… I…I…” Carol could speak, but her mind couldn’t find words, giving Therese the feeling she was still drugged. Carol _was_ drugged, but it wasn’t MDMA, it was the natural air that came with Therese’s presence, which heeded her ability to speak.

Therese stood up, nesting Carol in her arms, shocking the blonde as she was lifted back into the bed. Carol watched amazed as Therese whispered assurance, tucking her in as best as she could before turning to sit once more but the blonde subconsciously reached out for her hand, stopping her court in her tracks.

“No…” She breathed, the sense of speech slowly coming back to her. Therese turned, waiting for her to say more, but all she could sense was the slight tug on her arm to return to the bed. Carol lifted the covers, scooting back, not breaking eye contact with Therese, until the brunette stopped her advances towards the bed, taking the quilt in her hand and placing it back again.

“I can’t, Carol.”

“Yes you can…”

“No… I can’t.” It was getting harder and harder to say no to her. It wasn’t in Therese’s nature.

“I can’t sleep… please…”

“I won’t abuse you when you’re vulnerable. I’m not that person, I’ve told you thi-“

“Just, lie with me… hold me…” Therese still looked conflicted, until a tear ran down Carol’s cheek to her quivering lips. “Please, Therese… I can’t sleep, but with you… I feel safe… please…”

The brunette’s mind battled, moral fighting want until the two enemies slowly morphed together, becoming humane. “Ok… but just to lay down, I won’t do anything more, I mean it, Carol.”

“Yes, okay…” The blonde pled, pulling her court back to the bed, hearing the covers rustle when she slipped in. Carol laid on her side delicately, feeling Therese’s hesitance, so she pulled the soft arm around her waist, feeling the other automatically slide between the mattress and pillow to support her neck.

There was still a wary gap between them that lingered for a few tentative moments until Carol felt the warmth of Therese’s front caress her back, the arm draped over her waist pull her in closely, and a hot breath dance over her neck. Carol’s body instantly relaxed, the tense muscles moulding into Therese’s hold, her mind stilling as they breathed as one. And cocooned in safety and warmth the blonde started to drift back off to sleep, the whisper of Therese’s words, meant for her in slumber, just being caught before she fell into the darkness.

“You scared me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me your thoughts ;)


	11. Interpretation Failure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you keep ending up with lists and lists of questions at the end of reading some of these chapters but do know that i am quite happy to answer them all. Well i say all. I'll answer the ones i can without giving too much away in later chapters ;)  
> Things get clearer the further you read... or they may get more confusing. I don't know. LOL

_I woke up again… for the third time that day. When I managed to move my slow eyes to the clock it read 11:28. I couldn’t remember much. Not a lot at all really. I didn’t even know how I managed to get back in bed. There was getting ready, and opening the door. Therese looked… magnificent and we left for the party. She asked me to court and she kissed me – no, I kissed her… we went in, ate mingled, drank. The mere mention of alcohol made my head pound._

_Then the secret garden, Eugh the secret garden. The way her hands ran over my body like fire on Petroleum. I have to remember to kill Fred next time I see him, Fred and… Rhys? Rick! That’s who it was. Abby, Harge. Fuck! Harge! Jeanette, Jack, and then… then… Fred! That’s why I didn’t kill him… and… I couldn’t remember anything apart from the bathroom floor. And when I woke up… I just didn’t know what to feel at first. I guess the first thing I felt was… tired._

///

Carol blinked herself awake looked towards her clock seeing her smart watch on the side. She reached for it, thinking maybe some photos or messages might be on it, something with the ability to tell her more, but she felt an arm tighten over her waist and a small grunt of protest wash over her neck making the hair stand on end. She suddenly felt the warmth of another person pressed up against her back, which continued to spread over her body, and up her spine, the tingling sensations pulsing through her nerves.

_Therese._

She stayed still for a moment, contemplating this feeling which coursed through her. After bathing in the moment, the feeling of safety and protection in this bubble of peacefulness, she rolled slowly in the woman’s grasp, careful not to disturb her. When her gaze met the younger woman’s sleeping form, so angelic and peaceful, so innocent, her heart stopped, along with her breathing, for what felt like an eternity but actually was the length of one beat.

She could feel the brunette’s chest moving in and out, steady wispy breaths filling the air, as she held out her hand and swept away the hair that had fallen over her pale face. She continued to do the soothing action, admiring her protector, wondering how nice it would be to wake to this every day. Warm, cared for, happy. Like she had a reason to open her eyes every morning.

After around ten minutes Therese’s eyes fluttered open as well, looking into her pillow before finding Carol’s staring back, filled with admiration.

“Hey slowpoke.” Carol whispered, tracing the contours of Therese’s face with her feather light touch.

“Hey 13… how are you feeling?” Therese said, sleepily pulling Carol towards her to half rest on her chest and tangle their legs together.

Carol took a deep breath, pushing away her emotions, trying to focus. “Like I’ve been hit by a train…” she smiled into Therese’s arm, which she had been using as a pillow. “How about you. Tired?”

“No, actually. I usually get up at 5am on a work morning and 9am on a rest day.”

“But I’ve been getting to the farm at 10:30 every time.”

“I know, but I didn’t want to say anything, you always looked so tired to be up then already, I didn’t want to ask you to come any earlier…”

Carol chuckled at the confession. “You’re a strange girl… Therese, I have to ask you something though…” Therese heard Carol’s serious tone so nodded, waiting for the question. “Last night, did I… I mean I don’t remember very much, and even though I’m delighted to wake up by your side, all warm and sleepy... did we… sleep together?” She asked a little mortified at herself because she truly couldn’t remember anything.

“No, don’t worry. I wouldn’t do that to you.” She said never breaking eye contact.

Carol caressed her the brunette’s face with her thumb. “…I-I don’t really remember much about last night… not anything really, could you tell me what happened it’s all a little… fuzzy.”

“Well… you went and spoke with Abby, and I went and got a drink with Gen-“

“Yes, I remember that, I put my drink on the side and Abby and I had a chat, she caught me up… and then I went out looking for you… Therese, there was someone at that party I haven’t told you about, because he wasn’t meant to be there and I didn’t know really how to bring him up and-“

“Harge.”

“… Yes, Hargess… I went out looking for you, because he was there, I wanted to tell you… but I kept bumping into people and then Jack made me dance with him and-” Carol felt her court tense under her weight. “Therese are you okay?”

“Yes, carry on I’ll tell you when you are finished.” Therese said controlling her breathing a raging emotions at the mere mention of his name.

“Okay…” Carol said hesitantly. “Well, I managed to push off his advances and someone told me you were in the poker room, so I remember heading there and the next thing I knew I was blacking out on the bathroom floor… I can’t believe I let myself get in such a state, I’m so sorry. It was meant to be fun and I must have drank too much and blacked out, I swear-“

“Carol you didn’t drink too much. It’s ok. It wasn’t your fault.” Therese said, seeing Carol’s confusion, as she took Carol’s hand that lay over her chest and brought it to her lips.

“I don’t understand...” The crease between Carol’s brows deepened.

“Well, after my drink with Gen, I went to the poker room. Ester, your receptionist, taught me the ropes fairly quickly, and I managed to pick it up. After about 30 minutes, Harge came in. He sat down, challenged me to a game which I accepted… He was an _interesting_ man let’s say, and I won.”

“You won?! How?! Harge is one of the best players in the city…” She said surprised, the look on her face making the brunette smile.

“I don’t know… beginners luck? That reminds me, we both have 3 more rest days and 3 bottles of prime bourbon under our belts, along with some other lucky wins, but those were the main prizes.”

“Angel, please don’t talk about alcohol.” She said clutching her head. “I don’t think my stomach can take it.”

“Sorry, anyway, he insulted me, and I was irrational and a little buzzed so I…I…”

“You were on a green table…” Carol said vaguely remembering.

“Yes. You found me just before I was going to knee him in the gut, and start a commotion. That’s when I brought you to Abby. That slimy man Jack Taft, he… he drugged your drink when you weren’t looking…”

“I was drugged?! Is that why I feel so shit?” Therese nodded. “Fuck… I could have- have – he could have… why was I so reckless?!”

“It’s alright Carol, you couldn’t have known…” She said reassuringly. “He was arrested last night, he isn’t out there anymore and you found me before anything happened… Harge and I put our _many_ differences aside for then, and Jack’s now under the Bureau’s viewership. They will hopefully make him work every hour of his sorry life…”

“Ok…” Carol said letting the information sink in. Therese gave her time to, considerately but also battling the immense guilt she felt internally. “Ok he’s away…” The blonde said to herself, as if it was reaffirmation. “S-So you and Harge put your differences aside?”

“For now, anyway. He and Abby got you home and I may have lectured all the guests, on behaving like brats-“

The grey eyes widened “You did what?”

Therese explained her hashed speech and how she had come home straight after, saying Carol had thrown up and gone back to bed, missing out some details to not embarrass the blonde any more than she was, saying that she got in the bed at Carol’s request in the morning to keep her warm.

“So, nothing happened to me? And when we got back I didn’t ask you anything awful… I didn’t do anything ridiculous – you would tell me right?”

“Yes, of course…” Therese lied, convincingly. “Anyway, I bet you’re hungry… want to get something to eat?”

“I’m starved but, can we just stay here five minutes longer…? It’s just, I’m a bit chilly a-and you’re so warm and-” Carol rambled nervously.

“Sure. Anything you want.” Therese replied, pulling Carol closer by the waist, sharing her body warmth, breathing in the dusky and faintly sweet smell. A smell suggestive of dark green silk, which was Carol’s alone, like the smell of a special flower, her senses in over drive as she felt Carol’s nails caress her back slowly.

///

Therese helped Carol downstairs and into a chair, as the blonde’s legs were still a little weak from the spinning in her head. “So last night I made some soup.”

“You _cooked_?! Angel, you and Jennifer, made it abundantly clear to me that you can’t cook for shit. That’s why you eat so much Weetabix.”

“Hey, don’t knock the Weetabix. And I know I can’t cook, but I followed one of the recipes in your fancy fridge to a T and when I tasted it, it wasn’t that bad.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, tomato, I remembered you liked it. Do you want some?” Carol nodded. Tomato soup was her favourite, and Therese struggled to hide her beaming face when she was told so. They sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch, making light conversation about Therese’s poker matches, about Carol’s friends and their hook ups, anything to keep them away from the deeper topics which weren’t quite suitable for the breakfast mood, instead they just enjoyed one another’s company. “So let me get this straight.” Therese started finishing her last spoonful of soup. “Fred has hooked up with his coach Rick, and wants _another_ match with you but playing squash? Even though he had the _audacity_ to interrupt us in the garden… Son of a bitch.” Carol laughed, thinking Therese always knew the right things to say. “I need a shower, are you okay to stay here?”

“Yes, Darling, it’s ok, I’m safe now. I know this must have scared you. I dread to think how I must have looked when you saw me… But I’m feeling a lot better now, I must have put in quite a few hours of sleep and this soup has re-energised me”

“Yes… it did scare me, a lot. But at least you’re alright now. And I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again. I promise.” Therese said, her mind flashing back to the texts Carol left on her watch. “Ok?” She said, kissing Carol quickly after the blonde had nodded, getting off the couch and heading for the stairs.

“Could you grab me my watch it’s on the bed side table and also the towels are-“

“I know where the towels are. Don’t worry. And yeah, let me grab it.” Moments later, Carol could hear the pitter-patter of the shower and Therese jogging down the stairs to hand her, her watch.

“Thank you, darling.” She said with a smile before Therese bounded up the stairs, two at a time, as if she had always lived there, making Carol’s tired heart quicken at the domesticity of it all, despite the drugging.

She flicked it on, going to check her numerous messages but seeing something odd. It was recording. The little camera on the side, still flashing red. She stopped the recording. Opening it afterwards hearing Abby’s voice filtering through and her face appear on a projected hologram in front of her.

 _Hi Carol, It’s me Abby. I hope by now you’re awake and sober. It should have passed through your system but you’ll still feel a little light headed, the more you move around the better you’ll feel. You’re going to be alright Carol, it was just a really bad trip, but you did scare us all… Therese should be here soon, and let me tell you… your court… I like her, she seemed very… concerned over you. On the verge of murdering Jack…_ Abby scoffed, shaking her head at the floor before lifting her gaze back to the tiny camera, staring at Carol straight in the eye through holographic image. _Anyway, remember to drink plenty of water, and I’ll stop by sometime tomorrow with Gen and Daisy to make sure you’re okay… Alright bye!_

The watch was placed down, along with the mutters of Abby about how to turn it off, and then nothing happened for a while, so she skipped through until she saw Therese, pop in, replace her flannel and roll her on her side before leaving.

She scrolled through the video again until she saw herself stirring, and Therese come in with a glass of water, placing it on the twin bedside table on the other side of the bed. She heard herself talk, the sound of her own voice making her cringe.

_“You need to sleep, until this wears off… Get it all out of your system…” “Even if you wanted to sleep with me? Even if I wanted to sleep with you? Do you… want to sleep with me, T-Therese…?”_

Carol winced at her own advances. She silently chastised herself, confused as to why Therese wouldn’t say anything about this; about chivalrously and morally turning her down, looking after her. Looking after the woman Carol didn’t even recognise.

 _“Carol, stop! I can’t. I won’t. Not like this. I can’t sleep with you, Carol, because I… Because you’re drugged and as much as I want you, I don’t want you like this.”_ Carol watched on, horrified she had acted in this way, in shock of Therese’s sobering words. She watched herself smack away Therese’s help, the shock and horror on the brunette’s face but also air of understanding making a tear gather in the corner of her eye.

And then she watched herself throw up everywhere and collapse, how Therese non-judgingly put her back to bed, and clean up. How she was tucked in and watched over with care even though she felt as though the Carol in the video didn’t deserve it. She was about to skip through it again, when she could see Therese’s lips still moving, talking to her still form. She re-winded, pressing play on the hologram.

_“It’s late… nearly 2am… it always gets late with you… An inarticulate anxiety, a desire to know, know anything, for certain, has jammed itself in my throat. I feel like I can hardly breathe… I don’t know when it began… and I don’t want to suffocate… I don’t want to die without knowing you… But I worry… Do you feel the same way, Carol?”_

The floodgates were flowing freely now, as she felt she was intruding on a private moment even if it was meant only for her eyes. She brought a hand to her mouth, wiping away the tears from her puffy eyes as best as she could.

“Yes…” She heard herself whispering into the nothing. But little did she know that she wasn’t alone, and that Therese was approaching her in an oversized baggy black shirt and shorts, her hair wet at the edges, tied in a ponytail.

“Carol?” Carol swiped the hologram shut, throwing away her watch on the couch, wiping her eyes as quickly as she could with the sleeve of her tartan robe. “What’s the matter?” Therese said a little distressed.

“Nothing.” She breathed.

“What’s going on?” Therese said, jumping over the couch to crouch by Carol, taking her face in her palms to look up at her. “It’s alright, I was only taking a body shower...” She joked, trying to lighten the mood. She would have said more, but Carol was looking at her with this kind of intensity, which wasn’t allowing her to say much else apart from, “Carol?”

The next thing she knew, Carol was lunging forward, taking the waist of Therese’s shorts and pulling them towards her, locking the brunette in a kiss with such heat, Hell would feel like the artic. Therese was surprised at first, not really knowing what to do when she felt Carol lowering them to the couch, wrapping her long legs around her body to pull her closer, but when Carol pulled back for air, she felt the desire bubble up inside her, and her morality over rule it.

“Carol, what’s going on?” She panted, trying to shake of the feeling of Carol slipping her hands under her baggy top, caressing over her silky skin.

“I feel the same Therese. Last night… you spoke to me and… and I feel the same.”

“I- I can’t Carol…” She protested after she was pulled into another searing kiss, this time pulling back a little further so she could try to finish her sentence.

But Carol interrupted. “Yes, you can. This isn’t the drug, Therese. This is _me_ …” Therese searched the grey eyes, seeing that it was Carol behind them but still a little hesitant.

“What do you mean you feel the same, did you remember anything?”

“I mean that when I’m around you I also feel like I’m suffocating. Like… _this_ , is right and… and I know this has been fast but, the thought of losing you, kills me. The thought of you protecting me, because you feel compelled to, gives me life… I don’t know what to call it but if you feel it too then… all I know is that I want _this_ and _you_ right now…” She made her way hesitantly to her court who sat, mentally warring with herself, until she felt Carol’s palm rest against her cheek, and encircle it slowly. She leant into it, catching one of her finger tips with her mouth, kissing it delicately, turning to see Carol’s dark eyes watch her lustfully.

They fell to the couch, touching and caressing. Any part their fingertips could wash over. Carol brought her long creamy legs to wrap around Therese, pulling her closer, noticing how stiff the body was on top of her. She wondered what must be going through Therese’s mind at that moment, feeling the rigidness of her body and the near bruising passion of her mouth in hers, knowing that there was a conflict tearing at her. The winner still undecided. In an attempt to relax Therese she took the brunette’s face in her palms lightly caressing and softly moaning when she felt a hand squeeze her thigh hard, as if trying to stop and trying to feel at the same time, pushing Carol’s desire further, but still not getting Therese to loosen up.

Carol’s hands wandered further, pushing away the shoulder material of the black gown giving her access to kiss down Therese’s neck, feeling the muscles tense and relax either side. She stopped her ministrations, squeezing the brunette’s body with her thighs, as she waited for the green eyes she treasured so much to meet her own. Therese kept her eyes shut, kissing Carol more softly this time, showing her more time and attention, before pulling back to finally open them to see a tear gracing Carol’s cheek.

They looked at one another for a little while, holding each other until Therese dared to speak. “Car-”

Her sentence cut short as the sound of the door opening filled the room and the cold rush of air swept over them as Abby breezed in, both of them frozen as they brains tried to catch up. “Carol? Therese? Daisy and Gen ar-“

Abby saw the sight in front of her dropping the borrowed black jacket as Therese clambering off a very flushed Carol, watching her best friend wipe a tear from her eye and pull her gown into place, not quick enough to hide the faint bruising of Therese’s finger marks on her thigh. The Brunel looked guilty, standing up, her mouth opening and closing, not quite sure what to say, but she didn’t have to say anything in the end, for when she looked up at the auburn, who’s eyes had lit with rage, the back of her hand came into contact with her cheek and sent her sprawling across the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun, DUH!  
> Give me thoughts!  
> I love hearing from you guys. Bare in mind that the next few chapters only really span over a couple of days. We've gone from weeks between to literal hours. Have i ever said that this was a slow burn?  
> I have? Yes? Good. It's your own fault for reading this mess then ;)


	12. Ethereal Syzygy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to update early as last week AO3 was glitching.  
> But i'm happy to see you're all still with me :)

“Abby, what the hell?!” Carol yelled at her friend who was barely listening to her, watching Therese gather herself on the floor and scrambled backwards, raising her hand in front of her in defence.

“You son of a bitch!” Abby screamed storming over to where the brunette lay, clasping her jaw and bloodied lip, taking her t-shirt in her hand. Carol tried to stand to get closer to the confrontation, but her legs betrayed her as they kept buckling, still shaky, her shouts of protestation not doing anything to quell Abby’s rage.

“Abby STOP!” Carol tried, seeing Therese taken completely in shock. Her face defiant but also twitching as she tried not to retaliate. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand she didn’t want to jeopardise anything with Carol and her best friend, but on the other hand she was pretty sure Abby was going to hit her again.

She suffered through another hit to the face, spitting out the metallic tasting blood in a spray pattern across the white hard floor. The brunette coughed shaking her head her vision a little slow and staccato as she looked back up searching for her opponent, not being able to see her.

“You feral! I trusted you! You spout all that _bullshit_ to me, then you fuck her when she’s vulnerable and make moves on her in the morning?” Abby raised her hand, bringing it down swiftly, but her face morphed from one of rage, to one of surprise when the girl underneath her grip caught it.

Using her gorilla hold she rolled them over, straddling Abby, trying to catch the other hand which clawed at her neck. “Abby!” She said, surprisingly calm, almost robotically. “Stop! Nothing happened. I don’t want to fight you.” She caught the other flailing hand in an attempt to quell the anger and try to make her see, but the hold only gave the nurse leverage to head-butt Therese in the face, sending blood pouring from her nose, and her body crashing backwards.

Abby retaliated, standing and walking over to where the brunette lay, ignoring the blonde that protested, picking her up off the floor to eye level. “I trusted you! You say nothing happened? Then why were you groping her on the couch whilst she cried?!”

Therese kept her twitching hands by her sides, breathing heavily as the urge to take Abby to the floor was overwhelming. “I looked after her, we kissed on the couch in the morning. I swear.” Therese said as she spat blood past Abby her eyes drifting over to Carol, her shouts being ignored as her legs got a little stronger nearing them.

 “Explain the bruises on her thigh that weren’t there yesterday! She was crying! I will _never_ let you near here or _her_ , ever again! Do you hear me?!” That made the elastic band snap in the brunette. Even Abby saw the distinct change in the green eyes as the black pupils swallowed the colour.

It was as quick as lightening. One hand ripped Abby’s from her shirt, pulling her one way as Therese’s elbow flew through the air in the opposite direction, colliding with Abby’s jaw with enough force to split her lip. She jabbed Abby in the stomach, not hard enough to floor her, but hard enough to knock the air from her lungs, before she swiped her foot behind Abby’s pushing her shoulders back and letting gravity do the work as she fell to the floor. The whole thing lasted no more than four seconds.

“Therese! ‘All’ above!” She heard Carol say, shocked that there was so much calculated fight in such a small person, her legs finally letting her walk after a few tries. Therese held out a bloodied hand to support Carol with and helped her to the ground.

Therese crouched, turning the wheezing woman on her side and feeling her hand smack her away, coughing as she tried to breathe.

“She’ll be okay. No head shots, she landed on her bum first and with a couple deep breaths she’ll be back to normal.” Therese said coolly, walking over to Carol’s freezer and grabbing some ice, packing one for each of them, knowing Abby’s jaw and lip would bruise.

“Abby, Therese and I didn’t have sex last night. She tucked me in, and what you saw on the couch was my doing. What happened with Therese, I wanted and I will not deny it…”

“I thought… the bruises.” Abby gasped, getting her breath back.

“Yeah, well you thought wrong.” Therese said nonchalantly, dropping the icepack to the floor, centimetres from Abby’s face before she climbed the staircase to Carol’s bedroom shouting back to them as she went. “Carol, I’ll be upstairs. Seacole, you know what to do. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of myself.” And with that she disappeared from sight.

///

“Abby, c’mon get up.” Carol said, getting to her feet, her balance making a delayed come back. “What the hell were you thinking?!” Carol said, not expecting Abby to push her off and stare at her like a mad man.

“What was I thinking? I was thinking that I had left her here with you last night and she had abused you when you were vulnerable. You were crying and flushed, she looked guilty, and you had finger shaped bruises _high_ on your thighs which you were trying to hide. What else was I meant to think?”

“You wouldn’t even listen to me, Abby. You tuned me out whilst you smacked her to the floor!”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry about Therese. As you and I both witnessed she can hold her own. She took me to the floor in seconds. Like she wasn’t even trying… I saw her Carol. She changed. She was resistant one minute, and then the next she … _snapped_ and it was like she had had enough. Throwing me like I weighed nothing…”

“Well maybe that’s because she tried to reason with you and when you wouldn’t listen, she got tired with taking blows to the face.”

“I was doing it because I thought she hurt you!”

“Are you still trying to play the good guy?! _I_ kissed her! _I_ pulled her to the couch! _She_ was reluctant! _She_ was hesitant, that why I had bruises on my thigh, she was trying to restrain herself, restrain _me_ from taking things further because _she_ didn’t want to take advantage of _me_ …” She let the words soak in. “Everyone always sees her as this animal because she came from a rough start and actually _works_ for her quota. She was right to give that speech yesterday. She was right about a lot of the city people. But I never thought that you slipped into that category…”

She could see the hurt and regret in Abby’s eyes but that wasn’t enough for forgiveness in that moment. “I’m sorry. I acted out. I was just… I just-“

“You judged her and acted out upon it…” Carol finished for her watching her best friend sigh. “Why are you even here?”

Abby gestured to the black suit jacket that was crumpled on the floor. “…She gave it to me… last night, so I wouldn’t get cold walking home.”

“…Oh, that’s rich… and you know after all that, when you beat her on the floor, she didn’t hit back, she tried to calm and reason with you, she let you vent your mislead anger upon her and after she put up her defence she grabbed you an ice pack… but who gives two shits because she happens to be feral…”

“I-I know I’m sorry-”

“It’s shouldn’t be me you apologise to. I didn’t get my face smashed in, for doing nothing wrong…” The doorbell rang and Carol walked slowly to get it, knowing who would be behind it. She greeted Gen and Daisy with a face that wiped the smiles of theirs before leading them through to Abby. Gen was worried, checking Abby’s face and lip, asking what had happened but the auburn stayed silent. “I think it would be best if you took her home Gen. I’m sure Abby will fill you in. Take the ice pack.” Gen nodded, sensing the seriousness in Carol’s tone, ushering them both out the door and closing it behind them.

///

Therese sighed into the sink, the red stained water in it slowly filtering down the plug hole, gargling as it went, leaving a red glow on the white basin. She looked up into the mirror, noticing her busted lip and twin black eyes forming; the bruising spreading from the bridge of her nose. There was a small one forming on her cheekbone too but it didn’t look like it would see the next morning.

She grabbed her ice pack off the side, gently pressing it to her nose, closing her eyes as she winced. The cold that spread through her face from the ice was suddenly replaced with warmth, as she felt two arms slip under her arms from behind and wrap around her shoulders, a chin laying gently in the crook of her neck. “Are you okay?” Carol whispered, noticing the bloodied sink but not being able to see her court’s face past the ice pack. 

“Hmm, been better. It’s not every day you get accused of being a pervert and smacked to the ground…” Therese said, without the usual hint of sarcasm that would ring with her jokes.

The cold demeanour of Therese made Carol nervous. “I’m sorry, angel. She’s gone, I explained…” Therese hummed monotony in understanding. “Are you hurt?”

Therese sighed lowering the ice pack slowly, meeting Carol’s eyes in the mirror. “A little sore, but nothing that won’t heal.”

Carol’s breath hitched as she turned her angel round in her arms. “Holy shit, Therese-” She said reaching her arm up to hold the girl’s face, but two hands caught them, just before her fingers made contact.

“It’s alright, Carol. I’m ok… the bruising makes it look worse than it is, I’m just bony so they bloom quicker… Don’t worry I’m a quick healer.” She said, lowering the arms in her grasp, her heart physically constricting as she saw a flicker of hurt in Carol’s features.

Carol released herself from the hold, taking her turn to close off, turning away from Therese to the bedroom. “I saw your bag packed on the bed…” She said weakly pointing to it. “A-Are you leaving?” She swallowed in an effort to stop her voice from trembling.

“I don’t know… I didn’t know what would happen downstairs after I left. How you would react. Whether you would be angry with me… but I don’t think I should stay in the city, Carol…”

“So you _are_ leaving?” Carol said, turning back, not caring about her red puffy eyes, mistakenly thinking Therese didn’t either when her facial expression didn’t falter, even though inside she was screaming.

“You are the only thing… the only reason I come here… Coming here is like dragging me underwater, and I just happily drown as everyone watches me thrash like a wild animal, watches as my lungs burn. It’s not where I’m meant to be. But I happily drag myself under because I know if I do, I get to see you… Your life, your friends… I told you I’m not like them Carol. I can’t just _make_ myself. And I’m trying, I’m _really_ trying my hardest. Yet still, everything went to shit. People just see me as a feral and that’s something that I quickly learnt to accept… That… I don’t belong here.”

“You’re… you’re so…” Carol tried to grasp the words, her breathing heavy as she looked around her bedroom as if trying to find it.

“Carol.” Therese said stepping towards the hyperventilating blonde, reaching out an arm to touch her arm but she snapped round.

“Infuriating!”

Therese recoiled. “What?”

“You’re infuriating! Because you’re right! You are _always_ right! And I don’t know what to fucking do! I let you take a beating and you’re still… still… KIND! It’s infuriating!”

“You’re mad because I was kind?” Therese frowned, not really understanding.

“Yes! You’re so nice! You show me the most amazing times when I show up at your doorstep, you stood and smiled in front of my colleagues, you made me feel the happiest I had ever in my life. You tried to mingle, got me home and safe, looked after me, and you gave Abby your fucking _jacket_ so she wouldn’t get _cold_. You made me soup, kept me warm and returned my affection even though I _knew_ it was killing you inside, _then_ took a beating from my best friend. You even tried to _calm_ her, you wouldn’t even hit her back until it got too much and after all that you got her a fucking ice pack… I… It’s not fucking fair Therese!”

“What’s not fair?!” Therese’s voice rose, her brain not finding the answers she craved.

“It’s not fair that you and I did everything right! That everything around us fucked up and b-because of that - we’re - you’re leaving me!” Carol broke down in sobs but refused to let Therese see her cry. She left the room heading down the stairs needing some air to process as the shit that was knocking about in her imploding head, and when she reached the back door, she felt two strong arms grab her moving body, bringing her to a halt, and pull her back into an embrace.

They stayed there for a while. Breathing, calming down until Therese relaxed her arms a little, certain that Carol wasn’t going to run from her problems like she was going to just a few minutes ago. “I’m not leaving you, Carol.” She said, pressing her lips on the nape of Carol’s neck, pressing hard down onto the vertebrae, almost bruising the porcelain skin. “I’m not leaving… I was saying that I had to get away from this city’s judgements not you, never you…” She rocked their bodies soothingly, kissing the back of Carol’s head, closing her eyes as she did.

Carol slowly turned in the hold, her eyes closed but the tears she tried to hold back were still falling. “I’m sorry – for running - it’s just been such a turbulent 24 hours…You were so cold, Therese. I thought I’d lost you…” The blonde sobbed into her chest.

“I know… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I shut you out… before you, I was very used to doing these things by myself. It’s always just been myself to protect. And when things like this happen, I close off… because I’m afraid of hurting anymore or anyone…” She rested her forehead on Carol’s, feeling her nose pulse in pain but not caring. “I’m sorry I shut you out… I’m sorry…”

Therese hold her court a little longer, until took Carol’s hand in hers, slowly pulling them back to bed and pulling Carol into it with her. She pulled the covers up high, cocooning them in warmth before tangling her limbs with the blonde’s, pulling them as close together as they could get.

“Let’s start this day again.” She said, her fingers lazily brushing through the golden locks. “Yes, you’re a little drugged. Yes, I’m a little swollen. But I think we owe ourselves a fresh start. A day replay. But instead of getting out of bed, and going into the world just… lie with me… because things are always better when you’re with me… nothing bad can happen to us if we are together.” Therese entwined Carol’s fingers with her own, bringing their joined hands to her lips and then her chest, holding what was dearest to her by her heart.

Carol looked at her in awe. She felt a warmth bubble up inside of her, which made her want to cry and giggle and kiss Therese all at the same time. “Ok…” She breathed. “Fresh day…Let’s start fresh. So…” Carol wracked her brain, thinking of anything. Something. “Where did you learn how to fight?” The first question that popped into her head.

It made Therese smile like a child, giggling a little through the pain in her face. “Really that’s your question?” Carol nodded biting her lip. “Well, you hang around bars for long enough, you get into a few pub brawls. I was just naturally good at it you know? What about you? Is there anything you’re naturally good at?”

“Errm… cooking, that comes fairly easily. I used to cook a lot when I was mated to Harge.”

“What happened with you two? I mean I can see why you left him. The man is a pretentious tool but there must have been something.” She said, her words making Carol half smile, and it slowly faded as she began.

“I was young… and he was nice when we were younger. Then he began to drink, became obsessed with the SEEC. Proving he was the best of the best for higher positions. Left no time for me. The happiness died, and so did my reasons of being with him. I should have left him a good year before I did. It was actually Abby that got me to leave.”

“Abby…” There was a slight edge to Therese’s voice. “What happened with her?”

“We…” Carol sighed. “Slept together… drunkenly. Then continued to do so. I left Harge but didn’t feel happy with Abby either. I broke it off and the next day I got my second shot of the cure. I barely felt a thing. Then she met Gen.” She wanted to be completely honest with Therese. No more running.

“And what about me? Are you happy with me?” Therese asked, a little nervous, but they were soon calmed when she saw Carol smile.

“Yes. I am more than happy with you.”

“Good. Because I’m more than happy with you too…”

///

They spent day being with one another. Carol rubbed Therese’s cut in antiseptic and got her a new ice pack. They watched TV for a while after hanging the washing out to dry. They went to the supermarket, Therese getting odd looks due to her battered appearance but there was something soothing in their domesticity as they trawled through the aisles looking for dinner items. They brought it all back, packing the cupboards and fridge. Then Carol cooked, showing Therese how she did it letting her help as poached eggs over creamed spinach was rather an easy dish. They had cookies in the oven for afterwards.

There was a ring at the door, and a delivery man with 3 premium bottles of bourbon and a hologram of acceptance of 6 rest days. They were accepted and Therese insisted on giving Carol 3 of the days and the bottle of bourbon she liked the best.

Carol taught Therese how to play chess, which Therese quickly mastered and in fact had begun to beat Carol in every game. It was then the blonde threw it away to play checkers, which Therese won, again. And after that poker playing with fake chips. Once again Therese won and Carol made the brunette laugh with delight when she began to question if she was a good fit for Einstein. This causing Therese to reply with ‘Thank ‘All’ you are, because you look so hot in red.’ She said closing her eyes, earning herself a slap on the arm and a hungry kiss.

They put on some music. It was something Therese hadn’t heard before which was nice because Carol had heard everything before. She still had over 9 months till the end of the year when the Panel would release another year’s worth of government mandated music. They danced happily, Therese teaching Carol a dance she had learnt in the pubs in the countryside.

The evening began to wind down and Carol found herself laid on top of Therese, on the couch in front of the electric fire place, languidly kissing and enjoying each other’s presence.

“Maybe you can show me a real fire next time I come to yours…” Carol breathed.

“Seven days… I don’t know if I will be able to go that long without you let alone your lips on mine…” Therese said, stealing another kiss as the fire crackled. “Come back with me.” She whispered, their bodies so close that her lips ghosted Carol’s when she spoke.

Carol smiled against the bruised lips. “You’re _so_ funny.” She said sarcastically.

“I’m serious! Why not? You have 3 free days. Come use two of them with me… I don’t want to leave you but I can’t stay in this city. I’m silently shitting myself that Abby will turn up at your doorstep any minute - That girl can throw a punch.” Therese joked, loving the vibrations from Carol’s laughter that travelled into her body. “But honestly, Carol, I want you to come back with me…”

“Where would I stay?”

“In my room you idiot. Maybe they _were_ wrong to put you in Einstein…” That earned a pinch to the ribs.

“And what would we do, if I agreed. Where would you take me for two days?” Carol smiled.

“Well, we could go to the lake, swim. I could take you on Hugo. Maybe go back on the quad bikes! There’s tonnes. You could meet my friends.”

Carol smiled, tracing her index finger across the valleys of Therese’s face, being careful to not touch her bruising. “The lone wolf Therese Belivet has friends?”

“Shut up. Yes, a few… Well three. My best friend Dannie, then Phil and Jennifer… and maybe Genevieve now, I’m not quite sure since I beat down her wife.”

“Yeah, we’re going to have to sort that you realise.”

“I do… just not in our two carefree days.”

“No drugs… no fights, just me and you and the beautiful country.”

“What do you say?” Carol smiled searching Therese’s eyes, biting her lip.

“…Yes…” She whispered just before Therese’s lips collided with hers, kissing her earnestly; warmth being shared between them as they pulled each other impossibly closer.

///

_“Sunday 18 th March 3056” The men and women in suits flicked through their thick agendas, looking at each other around the round table. “Item 43 on the Agenda. We need to replace Bedivere… Tomorrow when we gather we shall go through possible replacements who can take up the mantle and immense honour of becoming one of the Panel.”_

_“Yes, Arthur.” They answered in unison._

_“Good. Lancelot, Mordred. Item 44. The need for a more stable material to be streamed to televisions. We need new documentaries. I want ideas by tomorrow. Understood?”_

_“Yes, Arthur.” Two men replied, thoughts already racing through their heads._

_“Perfect. As always Item 45. How many exiles and arrests today permitted by the bureau, Galahad?”_

_“Just over 29’000, sir.”_

_“And what percentage of those were diseased?”_

_“46.9% Sir…” There was silence in the boardroom. Silence until the smash of Arthur’s pen crashed on the glass round table._

_“That figure is slowly rising. 50 years ago that percentage was at 19.2%... I want to be the ones remembered for getting back down to, or past, that number. Do you understand?” There was a collective nod. “Good. Now Project Emmanuel. I want it sped up. I want everything ready for when we begin, do you understand? This has been years in the making! Ever since that figure got to 35%... Gentlemen, we will bring it back down… Don’t you want to be remembered as the Panel, who cured love for good…?”_

_“Yes, Arthur.”_

_“The Emmanuel Project. How are the subjects doing? Gawain?”_

_Gawain cleared his throat. “Yes, they look well. Embryos are still failing. Although…subject 645A, we have heard some commotion with.”_

_“645A. Don’t we always… I remember every single answer on her match test… they were addictively abnormal… Bring her up. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her.”_

_Gawain tapped the smart desk pulling up the hologram of 645A into the centre of the table. “This is subject 645A now…”_

_“Isn’t she magnificent? So… unique… What was the news on her?” He said, gazing at the hologram._

_“She’s adapting to her surroundings, exceedingly quickly as well as we had hoped. Although it looks like there is someone to thank, this is her court.”_

_Arthur raised his eyebrows is shock. “Her court?! You’re saying… she found it.”_

_“Yes, it appears so. 100% match. And they are courting, it’s official. Here are photos of them recently. I’ve scheduled daily updates on 645A”_

_Arthur raised from his seat. “Ladies and Gentlemen of the Panel… The Emmanuel project, it’s going to work. And 645A… she’s the key to everything, I can feel it! She will save… everyone!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ethereal - Extremely delicate, light, not of this world  
> Syzygy - an alignment of celestial bodies  
> And if you knew the definitions of both of those words i applaud you because i definitely didn't know one of them 24 hours ago;)  
> So yes, Abby went a bit psych. Carol and Therese both tried running, they both put up walls, but they have a way of coming back to one another, even if it is the daunting thought of losing each other. (Jeez that sentence had no flow.)  
> But i think at the end of the day there isn't toooo much damage done, right?  
> And that little bit at the end that's... you know what i'm not going to tell you. But i promise it's for your own good... probably. And i know you're probably caught up in a shit storm of confusion right now, but i promise you... It may or may not get clearer :)
> 
> What are you thinking? I'm curious...


	13. Tame Times

“It’s nice to be with _you_ on this train for once. I’ve come to learn to hate these automatic doors…” Therese joked. It was Monday morning and they were squashed together like sardines as people commuted to get lunch. Therese had her bag slung over her shoulder and so did Carol, ready for their little holiday; holding onto the train as Therese held onto her, feeling comfortable enough to do so as there was no hand space anywhere else.

Carol chuckled, raising a hand to her mouth to try and stay quiet, to not draw attention to themselves, memorising the way Therese’s dimples deepened whenever she smiled at her. “So, are we taking a leisurely walk back to the farm…?”

“No… I didn’t realise I’d be staying till Monday,” Therese had relished the feeling of Carol falling asleep blissfully in her arms, and was becoming quite accustom to it. “So I hid the bike in the pub shed, not too far from the station. But when we go, we are in and out. I don’t want you in there until I prep you for it.”

Carol raised a flawless brow. “Prep me for it? Special Forces Belivet … are you going to debrief me?” She said, lowering her voice into the sultry one Therese remembered from Saturday night.

“Carol…” She whispered, feeling the hand on her waist travelling a little lower.

“If I get it wrong do I get a punishment?” Carol breathed into Therese’s ear, tracing it with her nose.

The hand travelled lower, over her arse, as light as a feather. “Carol, there’s people around.” 

“If I remember it, do I get a reward?” She whispered, nipping at the earlobe and squeezing the peachy bum in her hand.

“Car-“ she squeaked, looking at the blonde with seriously set eyes, making the blonde back off with a chuckle resting her wandering hand in the small of the brunette’s back. “I’ll get you back for this…”

“I look forward to it, Darling.” She said, looking around a little warily. They were acting like teenagers, although Therese wasn’t that far off from being one. Still, too much physical contact in public was suspicious. They refrained from speech or looks for the rest of the journey.

///

The couple got off the train at Section 5 sub 3, and were soon covering the bike at the farm, picking up their bags and making their way to the house. Therese opened the side door into the kitchen, looking left and right before entering.

“It’s clear, c’mon.” She whispered, letting the blonde in, only to leap back into her when Mrs Robichek was then sat at the kitchen table.

“Sneaking in?” She smirked looking at a very guilty looking Carol and frustrated Therese. They tried to explain themselves but Mrs R held a hand up, signalling them to stop. “I don’t mind. I hope you had a nice time Therese. But what I do want to know, is what the fuck happened to your face…”

Her gaze hoped between the two, as they seemed to communicate with their eyes only. “Well,” Carol began. “My friend, Abby, mistakenly thought Therese was hurting me, and… attacked her.”

“Still, Therese. Why are you so bruised? I’ve seen you take down full grown men and you couldn’t take down this girl?” Mrs Robichek said with a sly smile.

“Therese tried to calm her down and explain, and then when she didn’t listen she swiftly took her down and got her an icepack.” Carol answered a little awkwardly.

Mrs Robichek looked shocked. “My, my. Carol you must be making a good impression. Therese I got some new painkillers the other day. Box in the cupboard red pill.” The brunette skulked to the cupboard swallowing a few dutifully before returning to the conversation.

Carol looked confused, as she looked between Therese’s face which screamed ‘shut up’ and Mrs R’s smirk. “A _good_ impression?”

“Yes, I’m surprised your friend is _alive_ , _and_ she got an icepack? Oh, Therese, someone’s finally softened you. I’ve seen men hospitalised-”

“ALRIGHT! Ok! I think that’s enough… Mrs R, I’ll speak to you in a bit. Carol?” Therese said storming off upstairs, leaving Carol in the kitchen blinking after her speedy exit.

“Well, it was nice meeting you.” Carol said politely a little shocked by the sudden outburst.

“Trust me, the pleasure is mine.” The matron studied her for a second. “You know I think you’re different.”

Carol wasn’t sure if it was meant as a compliment or insult. “Different? Different how?”

“Does she talk to you? Does she smile and laugh?”

To Carol the questions were very odd, but then she remembered the Therese she had first met, and could understand the point Mrs R was coming from. “Yes… she’s one of the kindest people I know…”

“Hmm…” Mrs R nodded, almost looking past Carol, and the blonde sensed the mood had darkened so she quietly walked out, leaving the woman with her thoughts.

Carol climbed the stairs, her fingers brushing over the natural wood hand rail which looked like a branch plucked from a tree, passing an unknown curious faces who looked at her as she went. She opened the door into Therese’s room, seeing the brunette packing her things back into her built in wardrobe, her back facing Carol.

“I cleared you some space…If you want it.” Therese said a little coldly. Carol could feel it radiating off her. “I don’t like hurting people, I’m not an animal… The man in the bar grabbed me and I fought him off. I would never have hurt Abby, I just… I just. I would never…”

Carol walked to the brunette, dropping her bag on the way, wrapping her arms around the slight body and tilting the brunette’s clenched jaw to face her, taking her lips between hers. She kissed her again, this time Therese loosened up, kissing her back, opening her mouth to accommodate Carol’s tongue, and letting it dance with her own, their heads moving with them.

“I know, sweetheart. I know… You are not an animal, don’t you ever forget that.” Therese let out a long sigh, opening her eyes, thankful to see the blonde smiling, so she mirrored it. “Right, I’m going to pack away and then maybe we can get some breakfast and go see Hugo. I’m sure he misses you.”

“Yeah, I miss him too… Ok, let’s try that again shall we?”

Carol agreed, packing away her things in the space Therese had made before following her downstairs, not really paying attention to Mrs R but realising there was another boy she recognised sat at the table.

“Oh, hey Carol.”

“Hi… Phil was it?”

“Yeah. I see you’re surviving adventures with Tee.” Gesturing to the brunette, searching the cupboards for her Weetabix box.

“Just about.” She winked.

“Son of a bitch.” Therese left the kitchen running up the stairs and out of view.

“What just happened?” Carol asked, seeing the dust that had been displaced, by the speed Therese had bolted, settle.

“Ahhh. Well, we have a new kid. Gregory. Gregory didn’t know that Therese gets murderous, over who eats her Weetabix, because it’s the only thing she can make. We warned him, but like the bratty kid he is, he didn’t listen, brushing it off…” Carol looked back up hearing raised voices and then a lamp fly across the landing, accompanied by the sound of it smashing against a wall. “Yeah, none of _us_ were going to tell her.”

“Can I make lunch?” Carol said, a little stunned.

“Yeah, sure. Anything we have in the fridge, be my guest.” Carol looked in, seeing the most diverse and fresh ingredients she had ever seen. She could hear the voices raging upstairs still so decided to get a crack on. Hopefully showing Therese there was more to life than Weetabix.

Flicking on the oven, she grabbed the over flowing bread basket, taking four small brown rolls. She seized a couple eggs, some tomatoes, basil, mushrooms and onions from the fridge and herbs from the window sill.

She spotted many packs of bacon and took a few rashers as well putting them on the pan, dicing the vegetables, frying them up with the bacon. She heard some footsteps coming down the steps and also the protesting noise of Mrs R telling Therese to go clean up the mess, before hearing the footsteps retreat.

She hollowed out the buns putting the insides in the pan to soak up the tasty oil. When empty she cracked and egg in each sprinkling seasoning over each before sliding them in the oven, taking the pan off the heat and setting the timer for 15 minutes.

She washed the pan along with other dirty dishes from others in the house, sitting at the table a little awkwardly but Phil noticed straight away.

“So, Carol. What’s it like in the city?”

“Oh… Busy, I guess. It is lovely out here in the country though. Therese has been showing me round.”

“You’re matched with Therese right?”

“We are courting, yes…” Carol said scratching at the table nervously with her red nails.

“You’re courting!” Mrs R choked a little on her drag of her cigarette, obviously listening in on the conversation. “Well congrats! How did you guys even meet?”

“Well, I’m 25 so I found out about Therese a long time ago, but thought I would wait. Then one day I just felt… ready. That’s the day I came here. She was a little hungover from _Dannie’s_ party?” Phil nodded. “And that was the day I borrowed one of your jumpsuits.”

“Oh yeah. Don’t worry about it. I have 12 of the exact same suit. You can have that one if you like. It’s a little small on me. It might make you feel a bit more at home here.”

“Thanks that’s really kind of you Phil.” She smiled, feeling a little more comfortable in her new surroundings.

“No worries. So what did you guys do in the city? Therese hates going there.”

“Oh, well one day she came to my work and we went out for the day, sightseeing I guess. Then on Saturday evening we went to my friend’s party.”

“Therese in a city party?! I would give up a month of my rest days to see that! Was it good?”

“Yeah…Mostly… I mean, we had a nice time… I… it was good.” Carol barely strung the sentence together as she distracted herself by pouring a coffee.

“Great. Glad to see she’s behaving herself... well apart from the fight with your friend.” Mrs Robichek suddenly became really interested in her newspaper. “You know I’m kind of glad you showed up. Therese has been a lot happier. Apart from her outburst at dinner that time, but she cooled off pretty quickly.”

“Outburst?”

“There’s a boy called Tommy, who lives here… He kept poking her and provoking her, I’m sure you can guess what happened. Oh! I think your food is ready.” Carol mulled over Phil’s words, taking her buns out of the oven just as Therese came down the stairs. She poured the fried bread and vegetable-bacon mix back into the buns putting two on each plate, spreading some butter and sprinkling some cheese on each.

She turned to Therese holding out a plate. “Here, angel. I made you lunch.” Therese took the plate a little ashamed. “Hopefully it will live up to your Weetabix.”

“Thanks Carol.” She said, hesitantly giving her a chaste kiss before heading over to the table, making the blonde blush. They sat down, Phil and Mrs Robichek’s eyes trailing after the sumptuous looking food, watching as Therese and Carol cut into them, yolk oozing down the sides. Therese took a bite, closing her eyes and moaning. “’All’ above! Carol.” The words accompanied by the moan making Carol cough a little before swallowing. “This is amazing, jeez.”

“Thank you darling.” Carol said noticing Phil lick his lips.

“Hey, Tee, can I have a bite.” Therese frowned at him as if to say ‘get your own’. “Oh c’mon. I’ve only had toast.” Carol looked to Mrs R who was watching the interaction intensely, hoping to ask for a bite too.

“Here, you two have one of each of mine. Therese and I can share this plate.” Neither of them protested but were hesitant. It didn’t last long after Carol had pushed the plate towards them and they grabbed one each.

Carol felt a hand slip round her thigh and squeeze, making her breath hitch a little as she heard Therese say, “Thank you, Carol.”

“Yes, thank you Carol.” The others chimed in moaning in satisfaction when they ate. Therese left her hand on Carol’s thigh whilst they ate.

“Here taste this.” Carol said, wiping some of the mixed veg in her yolk and holding it out for Therese, her pupils widening when the brunette’s lips closed around her fork, taking the food with her, humming in delight.

“Delicious.” She said looking intensly at the blonde who was doing everything in her power not to grind down on the brunette to relieve some of the pent up frustration.

“Truly.” Phil chimed in, having finished his meal. “Thanks, Carol. You really have a way with food. God that was good. I don’t think we _ever_ eat like that. Mrs R, why don’t _you_ ever cook like that? It took her what… five minutes?”

“Well… you know, when you have to feed all of people in this house it’s hard to make it tasty.” Mrs R objected, cleaning up her plate with left over bread

“I could write you a few recipes if you like? It would be no trouble. They would be great for batch cooking as well. Fairly easy.” Carol chimed in, feeling Therese’s gaze drilling into her neck with what she hoped was passion.

“Wow, she cooks, she cleans, she’s smart, she’s kind and she’s hot. Therese hold onto this one.” Phil joked, nudging Therese with his shoulder.

Therese finished her mouthful. “Don’t worry, I plan to…” She leant over and whispered to Carol as she stood to clear the plates. “And not just for your cooking skills.” Carol went as red as her string top, trying to smile it off but the prospect of Therese wanting her as much as she did the brunette, and the hope of a long and happy relationship made it nearly impossible. She was thankful when Jennifer came bounding through the door, nudging Phil to say ‘hi’ before asking Therese where her suit was. “It’s in my room, Jen. I’ll get you it when I finished cleaning up.”

“Therese, I need to get it washed now… I’m really busy for the rest of the week.”

“I can show you if you like.” Carol perked up, Jennifer happy with the answer, headed upstairs. Therese called Carol over, telling her the pin was 645A. “Ok.” Carol agreed, planting a kiss on Therese’s cheek before following Jennifer.

She tapped in the pin, opening the door and making her way to where Therese unpacked her bag.

“So, Carol. Phil messaged me that you and Therese were courting.”

Jen wasn’t afraid to ask and apparently no one in this household was afraid to tell. “Wow, news travels fast around here, huh?”

“Do you like her?” Jen probed.

“Of course I do. I like talking with her. I’m fond of anybody I can really talk to.”

“I’ve never seen her so comfortable and domesticated. She even gave you the pin to her room without a second thought… you must be special…” Carol smiled politely. “So tell me… is the sex as good as everyone spouts off?”

Carol dropped the bag in her hand, knocked off guard by the fairly intimate question. “E-Excuse me?”

“Oh, c’mon. I mean there are those few people in the bar who always talk… It is isn’t it…?”

“Errm, actually me and Therese… We… we haven’t had sex yet.”

“YOU HAVEN’T HAD-?!” Carol slammed the door shut, afraid anyone would hear.

“Could you say it any louder?” Carol said turning back to the gaping girl.

“Sorry it’s just, she fawns over you. She let you share off her plate for ‘All’s sake!”

“Yes - We share food all the time…”

“You do?! What else do you do?”

“Well, we went to the park, went shopping, got some coffee, yesterday we got my grocery shop and cooked. When we are in the countryside, we go around doing a few of her jobs, last time we cut some wood, and she taught me how to quad bike. We’re planning on going to lake tomorrow, maybe take a picnic… I’m sorry did I say something?”

Carol stopped noticing the colour drain from Jennifer’s face. “She’s… she’s taking you to the lake?”

“…Yes… is there something I should know…?”

“No – no it’s fine – I just _understand_ now…”

“Ok…” Carol said a little confused. “Anyway here’s your suit.”

“Thanks…” Jennifer left the room quietly passing Therese through the doorway, smiling at her softly as she went through, which creeped her out a little bit.

“Hey, is everything okay, Carol?” Therese asked, taking the blonde in her arms.

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine - I don’t know - I guess we just had a little weird conversation.”

“Really? Want to talk to me about it?” Therese asked, a little worried, her nerves not leaving when Carol declined. “Ok, want to talk to Hugo about it?” That made Carol laugh, which Therese always liked to see. The blonde pushed off of her, stealing two black denim jackets from Therese’s wardrobe, handing her the one with **B.BELIVET** printed on.

“Who’s B Belivet?” Carol asked out of curiosity as Therese slipped on the large worn jacket, and she the generic one.

“Benes Belivet… My father…” Therese smiled, trying to stay cheery, even though it was hard when Carol’s face dropped. “It’s fine. I wear it all the time.”

“It…It suits you.”

“Thank you. Anyway, let’s go see Hugo, I’m sure he’s mad at me for neglecting him for so long. I reluctantly have been sharing him with Phil… It’s been killing me. But Phil’s horse died. She was a good one. She won’t get replaced for a while. But Hugo’s needs before mine right?” Carol watched Therese walk from the room. Phil was right. There was a difference in the brunette.

They left the house, picking up a few apples and huddling close, despite it being a warm day, as they walked to the barn. “Hey Hugo, baby. How are you?” The horse snorted at its owner. “Oh don’t be like that. I was gone for two days! Plus Dannie is coming over today, to get you fitted for new horse shoes, how’s that sound? Does it sound good?” The horse neighed, swinging its neck, nudging Therese for her to stroke him. “Ok, Ok. I’ll take that as forgiveness.”

Carol approached the adorable scene. Picking up the brush by the rest of the tools, brushing the coat in the way Therese had taught her when they had first met. Therese fed Hugo a few apples, holding one out for Carol to try. “Just lie you palm flat. He won’t bite… I promise”

Carol’s eyes widened. “You want me to feed him. No fucking way. I’ve seen his teeth.” Therese pouted. “No, Therese, I’d like to keep my hand.” She pulled out her puppy dog eyes. “Therese, no.” The brunette neared her, taking the hoops of her red jeans between her fingers pulling Carol closer to kiss her, waiting until Carol got engrossed in it before pulling back, pleading with her eyes again, knowing she had won when Carol sighed. “Fine.”

“Yay! Now just lay your palm flat.”

“Like this?”

“Yep, and hold it out for him…” Therese stood behind Carol, guiding her hand closer to Hugo who was sniffling expectantly before his lips brushed around the apple guiding it to his teeth, squirting apple juice over Carol’s palm as he chomped, and making the blonde laugh decadently.

“That was an odd sensation.” Carol said, feeling Therese smile into her neck. She flicked her wrist when he was done, running it under the outdoor tap, before asking what to do neck. Therese filled a wheel barrow with hay, asking her to take it to the Pasteur, which Carol agreed to, walking out on her own as Therese rode Hugo out bareback, a hose slung over her shoulder.

///

_She looks so serious when she rides, so… powerful, she makes it look easy when she slid off him patting his back. I spread some hay for Hugo and the other horses to eat as Therese picked up manure and refilled his water trough. She is a devil with a hose. A little devil._

///

“Hey Carol?”

“Yes, angel?” She asked turning only to get sprayed with water. “Therese!” She yelled looking at her damp top and the fact Therese was keeling over with laughter. “You little minx!” She laughed, closing in on the laughing brunette.

“Hey! Stay back! Carol- I mean it – stay back!” Carol lunged for the hose, getting soaked in the process but also soaking Therese as they tackled each other to the floor, battling for the water pipe, screaming as they struggled.

They rolled about, their damp clothes picking up hay, as they smiled into each other, Therese catching Carol’s lips, kissing her passionately, before the blonde nibble her jaw and kissed down her neck, grinning into it, with her wide smile and thick lips, soaked from head to toe.

They didn’t realise the shutter of a camera clicking in the distance, in one of the farmhouse windows, especially when they were so distracted, clawing at one another’s soaked clothes that clung to them nearly as tightly as they held each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Domestic fluff...  
> And someone with a camera.  
> Dun! Dun! DUHHHH!


	14. Perpetually Florid

Carol came out from the bathroom, drying her hair in a towel, wearing the jumpsuit Phil had given her, as Therese brushed her hair in front of a mirror. She took the brush from the brunette’s hand meeting her eyes in the mirror, before brushing it herself.

“…Hey slowpoke… I thought you’d never come out” Therese whispered.

“Can you blame me? The water pressure is divine out here.”

There was a knock at the door, and Carol walked over to get it. It was Phil. “Hey, guys. I’m about to take my pickup truck out to the hills to shepherd the sheep. I can take you guys out there while I do the rounds. There’s some pretty country up where the sheep live. You could go for a hike. I’ll pick you up after. Anyway, I’m leaving in five. You gonna come?”

Carol turned to Therese. “Sure, I could go for a hike.” The brunette said tying her hair half up half down. “We’ll meet you out front.” Phil nodded leaving them in peace.

Therese and Carol made a quick picnic basket, climbing in the back of the truck, lacing their fingers as the truck swung into motion. The bumps in the road were oddly soothing, lulling them, as they leant upon each other. It suddenly stopped, jolting them awake, letting them see the beautiful terrain around them.

“I’ll meet you back here in three hours. So be here at 17:30! That way we can get back for dinner, and if you’re here on time I might even do lifts to the pub this evening.”

“You’re the best, Phil. In a bit.”

“See you round.” Carol added. The sound of the tyres grinding against the dirt filled the silent air as Phil pulled off, his truck disappearing, and Carol followed Therese, lacing their fingers once Phil was out of sight to walk hand in hand to the path. “So, I’m guessing you know this trail.”

“I do… It’s really peaceful round here don’t you think. Just over that ridge is a lovely view. That’s where we’re heading.”

“Ok, then. If we want to get back for dinner! We better get a move on.”

“Oh I wouldn’t get too excited. It’s turkey tonight and Mrs R always ends up over cooking it anyway… so are you going to tell me what Jennifer said to you?”

Carol sighed, watching her boots move against the gravel. “Therese, do you change who you are to… to be around me? Change who you are so that I would like you?”

“No.” Therese replied immediately. “Why, what makes you ask?”

“Well, everyone is telling me that you act differently since you started seeing me. Jen told me you hate sharing a plate of food yet we seem to do so every other time we eat… that you don’t really like spending much time people yet I more or less forced you to look after me on Saturday evening and interact with many at a city party.”

“I don’t change myself _for_ you, Carol. More like _because_ of you. It’s true, I hate sharing food. But when I share it with you I don’t mind, because you look so happy, and you savour each taste, and like to feed me. It’s something intimate that _we_ can do and I like it… I met all of those people because they were important to you. Just like my friends are important to me. I looked after you because you are important to me. And I act differently because… you make me happy… Does that answer your question?”

“…Y-Yes…” Carol answered a little stunned, not expecting such a direct and truthful response.

“You see… nothing to worry about. Un-unless I don’t make you happy?” Therese said, her nerves betraying her.

“You do, dearest. Incredibly so…”

“Good.” Therese smiled, focusing on their path, her thumb making small circles on the back of Carol’s hand.

“So, what’s 645A? Your pin. It must mean something.”

“I have a mark on the heel of my foot which says 645A. My parents told me that when I was a baby, I got sick. Obviously I wasn’t meant to be born, so they took me to this illegal clinic thing… apparently they numbered people as they went in and it just never came off…”

“Wow... what a story.”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember much of your parents?”

“Yes… I remember how wonderful they were. My mother, Ana, she was kind. Very kind. I think I looked like her… around the eyes. I was never unhappy. There was always someone in the house with me. My mother was a house maid and my father would hire her so she could stay at home with me. She played games with me. Taught me how to defend myself. How to think fast, teaching me what any other kid would learn. Tommy always disliked me as you know… My dad, he worked on a farm just like this one. He was the best, always made me laugh. Always… was so happy even after a bad day.”

“They sound wonderful.”

“What about your parents? Do you still speak to them?”

“Not really. Every now and again… they weren’t like yours. They were very SEEC orientated. When I got into Einstein I think that was the happiest I’d seen them. Then like most families I turned 16, and my duties as a citizen changed from the need to learn and excel to the need to SEEC. I speak to them every now and again. They looked after me well, but… they didn’t sound like yours.”

“It’s probably for the best, otherwise they would have been taken too. Exiled. Now I think of it, my parents probably were in love. It’s just odd because… they were never sad. Even when they were sad it was because of something happy. Maybe it was old true love, you know the kind there was rumours of, before it made people sick. My parents were the happiest mate I knew…”

“Yes, they sound as if they were… So, tell me Therese Belivet, if you could be anything you wanted to be, what would you be?”

“Ooh, dangerous question… I mean, if I was with anyone else I’d say ‘I wanted to be a farmer and nothing but a farmer.’ But since I’m with you… I would have liked to go into photography.”

“Photography?”

“You get to hide behind a camera, and be no one. You can take pictures of life, capture moments of time in a light display. Keep it close to your heart.”

“There aren’t many photographers. What a strange occupation.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t know really, I like to think I have an eye for beauty. I think I would be a good buyer, or interior designer. You know for those people in the city that, eat nothing and spend their whole quota on increasing their popularity…”

“I could see you doing that. But you have the opportunity to sell. Your upgrade and transition, you get to interact with people.”

“Yes I guess. I’m just going to have to tell you how it goes.” They looked around them, the wild flowers in full bloom.

“So tell me, what was life like after Abby and before me… that was close to a four year gap…”

“… I worked. I played sport. I went to keep fit classes. I cooked… I don’t know, life was fairly boring, I just woke up one day and I was ready to meet you.”

“’All’ cried down upon me the day I met you. I’m pretty sure I looked and smelt like shit and asked you to shut up when you tried to introduce yourself.”

“I remember that day like it was yesterday. You gave me a bowl of Weetabix and choked when you saw me.”

“God I was so embarrassed. And then when you helped clean me up, I’m pretty sure a little part of me died.”

“I did die when you went into your room and stripped down to barely anything.”

“So you enjoyed that huh?”

“Enjoyed it? I could barely breathe, although you can’t talk I saw you in the mirror when I changed.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s the clearest memory I have of you to date.” Carol pushed Therese’s shoulder jokingly, but Therese tripped over a small rock falling into the wild flowers, flattening them around her the pollen flying around her as she laughed. She looked up through the flowers to where Carol was crying with laughter.

“Oh it hurts! It hurts!” Carol cried clutching her stomach as it wracked with laughter.

“Help me up you monster!” Therese called reaching her hand out to Carol, still feeling that fire when they touched, her eyes showing an innocent girl trying to get up, before they darkened, showing the blonde her true intent. But by then it was too late, and Carol was falling to the ground next to her court, their picnic basket dropping to the ground just after her

“You bitch!” Carol giggled, her face bright with mirth as Therese rolled on top of her. They smiled at one another, there laughter dying down as Carol brought her and up to sweep some hair behind Therese’s ear. She stroked the flush cheek with her thumb. “You look like an angel…” Carol whispered.

“And you look like a beautiful goddess.”

“Maybe ‘All’ is a woman?” Carol smiled.

“Then you would be ‘All’ on earth. I would get to say I kissed a God… To be honest I say that already…” She joked leaning down taking the lips she couldn’t stop thinking about.

///

_If anyone finds this diary then I’m pretty sure they would be throwing up right now at how happy we were. We were more than happy in each other’s presence. Both young adults, with stability in their lives. We were the perfect court. And we are in my eyes. I remember laying in that flower field so vividly. Yet I could barely remember anything at all. I couldn’t tell you what colours the flowers were but I could tell you they were colourful. I couldn’t tell you where the picnic basket was, but I could tell you that we knocked into it as we rolled about. I couldn’t tell you how long we laid there for, but I could tell you that it felt like forever._

_I had never, ever been happier. I will treasure that memory every day, for the rest of my life. The rustle off the flowers, the cool breeze of the air, the scent of Therese’s shampoo. The feeling of her warm face in my hands, and my fingers in her hair. I just felt this indescribable feeling as our mouths moved so fluidly, like the only reason we had them was to kiss one another’s._

_I can still feel her hands slipping under my jacket, caressing up and down my waist. I can still feel her tongue pushing against mine, licking up into my mouth as we stopped to take a breath, only to plunge in once more when we were bored of breathing and only cared for each other._

_I wish I could replay that moment again, and again for the rest of my life. I wish I could just live in that moment, and thanks to Therese I can look at it every day. I remember we were panting, trying to catch our breath when she lifted her watch, taking a photo of me, looking straight past the watch and straight at her, my hair haloing in the flower, calling out for her. I then took a photo of her as she leant down to claim my mouth once more. Whispering to me that I was beautiful._

_When we finally managed to contain ourselves, she flopped next me, secretly setting a timer on her watch so she could lift her arm and capture one mid kiss… That one may be my favourite. And after that I had rolled on top of her and shown her the same affection she had given to me. Just thinking now, makes tears spring to my eyes. And one day, some day Therese if I ever read this back to you, which I hope I may gain the courage to do, that I will be there with you and we will relive that moment, languidly kissing without a care in the world, still as happy. Still in the bubble of perfection… And maybe by then I will have a word for the emotion I feel when you kiss me._

///

“You are dangerously addictive…” Therese breathed as, their chest heaving against one another. Carol noticed, Therese’s watch as it flashed 16:30.

“Is that valley really important?” Carol panted, her eyes never leaving Therese’s lips.

“Yes, the ridge is just over there. Why?” Therese said leaning up to catch Carol’s lips once more, trapping them for a deep embrace until Carol pulled back.

“Because it’s four thirty, and it’s an hour walk to the meet point…”

“No… I want more time… I want more of _this_.”

“I do to, but we have all night. We can even come back here tomorrow… And trust me, leaving here is the last thing I want…”

“I know… it’s alright… if I’m honest my nose was beginning to hurt a little anyway.” They both stood covered in pollen. Therese picking up the picnic basket.

“Angel, why didn’t you say anything?” She said looking at the brunette’s black and blue nose.

“And get locked out from the gates of heaven. No, I don’t think so.”

“You have the key, and you can open those gates whenever you want.” Carol said, watching Therese lean into kiss her one more but she leaned back, placing a finger on the slightly puffy lips, Careful not to touch the healing cut. “ _Well_ , you can have the keys back after we get in the truck.”

“You’re evil.”

“I know. Now c’mon. I want to see the valley.” Leaving their body-shaped hole in the tall wild flowers, they ran up the last 5 minutes of the trail, to reach the top of the ridge. Carol gasped taking in the sight in front of her, suddenly understanding why Therese had wanted to show her. It was beautiful, the grassy mounts cascading, allowing the water to culminate in a beautiful lake. “Therese it’s magnificent.”

“It is, isn’t it…?” Carol’s eyes glinted over the valley, watering as it seemed so peaceful and tranquil.

“Thank you for bringing me here… I’ve had the most wonderful day with you…” Carol said, blindly searching for Therese’s hand.

“That down there is the lake. And you see that road? That’s the road we will take tomorrow to get there. We can take the bike… spend the day... in the gates of heaven… swimming.” Therese joked as Carol pulled their conjoined hands behind her back to wrap the brunette in her arms.

“I can’t wait…” Carol whispered, kissing the top of the brunette’s head, taking in her surroundings.

“Can I take a photograph – of you - here?” Therese asked, looking up to the blonde.

“Yes, as long as you take one with me…” Carol let go, walking down into the valley drops. “Is here ok?”

“Yes. Look out into the valley for me? Actually, just be you, you’re beautiful as you are.” Carol looked out into the valley extending her arms like a bird, pretending a camera wasn’t capturing her every move.

“Therese, if you stand out here, it feels like your flying.” She looked back to her photographer, smiling, tucking her hair behind her ear, wrapping her arms around herself before holding her hand out for Therese to join her, slowly walking back to her. “Angel, you promised.”

Therese swiped through the holographic photos, seeing perfection in every single one, before sitting it up on a rock and setting it to take a photo every 3 seconds. She took Carol’s hand, forgetting about the mindlessly snapping lens, letting her body be pulled to the edge and embraced from behind. Carol buried her nose in the brunette hair in front of her, snaking her arms down Therese’s, lacing their finger, pulling their arms out stretching them horizontally, letting the wind whip around them.

“This is how I feel, every time you touch me… like I’m flying.” Therese whispered… they stayed there a minute longer until Therese gave into her desire to turn in the embrace and kiss Carol passionately.

Not caring about the ticking minutes on her watch which captured 20 pictures as each on went past.

///

“Therese! Carol! I said back at 17:30! Where the hell have you been? It’s nearly 18:20!” Phil shouted as the two women bounded towards him, stopping just in front of him breathlessly.

“We got caught up! I’m sorry Phil.” Therese puffed.

“Yeah, yeah. Get in the back – wait – where’s the picnic bag?”

“We had to ditch it, it was weighing us down and we were late enough as it was.” Therese said, taking Carol’s hand to hop up into the back, sitting on the blanket, as Phil closed the back.

“You didn’t even have time to eat? What the fuck happened to you two, you have dirt all over you. What _were_ you doing for the past _four_ _hours_?” Therese blushed hard enough to give Phil his answer. “Actually never mind. I may be in Brunel but I can make an educated guess… You better hope they save us left overs Belivet.” Phil huffed getting into the front of his truck.

“Quit complaining Phil. If you’re lucky I’ll give you some bourbon for waiting for us.” The man turned in his seat.

“Don’t joke Tee.”

“I would never.”

“Carol? Is she telling the truth?” He asked not quite believing the brunette.

“Two premium bottles stashed in our luggage upstairs as we speak.” The blonde said, smiling at the way Phil whipped around turning his key in the ignition and setting off a speed. Therese giggled, pulling Carol into her side stroking her fingers through the short blonde hair that flowed over her own shoulder. “So, are you going to prep me for the bar?” Carol smirked, breathing in the earth scent of Therese’s clothes from the flower field.

“Rule 1 – The bartender is always right. Rule 2 – Never change the channels on the TV’s. Rule 3 – Know what you want before you order it. Rule 4 – Never ask for just a beer. Be specific with what you want. Rule 5 – if you want a drink, you have to go to the bar and order. Rule 6 – Never click or ding the bell for attention. Wait until Johnny comes to you. Rule 7 – No weapons. Rule 8 – Always tip at the end of the night. And that’s it. Pretty easy right?”

“That’s it. Therese they can all be simplified into, don’t be stupid be polite. Easy!”

///

“Angel.”

“Yes, 13.”

“How do I get a drink again? I’ve been stood at the bar for ages…” Carol said. “I know what I want, I didn’t ding the bell and I haven’t even touched the remote.”

“Carol, I think you’re taking these rules a little too much to heart. Newcomers just tend to get served last. I’ll come with you.”

“Thanks.” They walked to the bar away from Jennifer and Phil, who were sitting in their booth. “So how long until Dannie gets here? If I’m honest I’m quite nervous to meet him.”

“Nervous? Don’t worry, Dannie doesn’t dislike anyone. And he’ll be here in a minute…You know I’m kind of glad we came back late, because I was not ready to bump into Tommy. He just… gets under my skin.” Therese said, knowing her brother would not leave them alone if they had attended dinner.

Carol placed her arm round Therese’s waist, giving her a small squeeze. “You just have to pretend he doesn’t. It seems to me that he does this to get a reaction out of you. No reaction, and he will be the one getting pissed off.”

“That’s exactly what Dannie says.”

“What does Dannie say?” A dark haired man with a soft smile said, walking towards them said, punching Therese on the arm.

“Carol Ross, Daniel McElroy.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you Miss 100%.” Dannie joked, squeezing Carol’s upper arm.

“Likewise, Mr Best friend I’ve ever had.”

“Awh. Therese Belivet… who knew you had a soul. Ow!” Dannie yelped as Therese pinched his arm.

“Shut the fuck up, Dannie. This was a bad idea… This was a really bad idea. Hey Johnny! Yeah, Larger 4. Actually number 3.” She said sinking into a bar stool.

Johnny came over, grabbing three glasses, winking at Therese. “You got it, Blackbird.”

“Blackbird?” Carol asked, puzzled by the nickname.

Johnny then looked over to Carol, a little flawed by her beauty but more interested by the fact he hadn’t seen her around before. “Ah! A new face. And who might _you_ be?”

“Carol, Birdie’s court!” Dannie intervened, typing in his pin to put the beers on his quota.

Therese buried her face in her hands, muttering to herself. “‘All’ kill me now. Please, please, please-”

“Birdie has a court?! I never thought I’d see the fucking day. This is more than an upgrade from that, Richie? Edward?”

“Richard.” Dannie helped deflecting the daggers Therese was sending his way with a smirk and a sip of his beer.

“Richard! That’s right! I couldn’t stand him! But anyway Birdie, you managed to get yourself a looker!” Johnny laughed. Carol shifted a little uncomfortably taking a large gulp from her pint, until she found herself under the spotlight. “Carol. Give me some dirt. What was your percentage? How did you meet? Does Therese behave herself?”

Dannie interrupted. “How did you manage to break that tough exterior in a day? How did that city party go? What’s she like in the sack?” He smirked, turning towards his beer on the bar, but he felt the stool be pulled out from under him. He landed on the floor with a thud, rolling about with laughter.

“I’m sorry, Carol. You don’t have to answ-“

“No it’s ok. We were matched at 100%. I came to the farm house. She’s been very kind to me. I guess I just kept scratching at her until she let me in, I think she must have seen how hopeless I am at farming and took pity on me. The city part was… eventful and… erm-“

“Ok! I think that’s the end of story time. Johnny thanks for the drinks, Dannie, you’re a pain as always, and I think its best we go sit down.” Therese ushered Carol away from the bar, sitting next to her in the booth and slipping a hand round her thigh as Dannie sat next to them. She felt Carol tense a little so she stroked her thigh with her hand, not aware that she was causing Carol’s body to tremble this way. “Are you okay? Are you cold?”

Carol diverted her gaze from the hand failing to calm her by caressing her thigh. “Yes. Just a chill, is all.” Therese shuffle closer so that their shoulders touched in an effort to keep her warmer.

“Better?” Therese asked, and technically Carol was warmer now that her body was burning with their physical easiness. All she could do was nod and bring her beer to her lips once more.

It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Flower Power!  
> 2) Family union!  
> 3) Early chapter yay!  
> 4) Talk to me down below.  
> 4.5) I dare you to try not to use the 'L' word [Pun obviously intended ;)]   
> 5) Night guys i'm fucking exhausted...


	15. Crackling Amber

“No fucking way!” Dannie exclaimed looking at Therese’s bruised nose. It had been a few hours since they had arrived. There had been drinks, a few games of pool and a few dart games. The pool games had been particularly torturous for Carol as her partner would bend over the table giving her beautiful views from behind as she took a shot.

Although Therese had carried Carol through the pool game as she was hopeless, they had conquered darts together. And now here they were, all back in the booth.

“Yep! She just laid there and took them.” Carol said, finishing her retelling of the other day.

“Bloody hell. Your friend is a lucky son of a bitch.” Phil scoffed into his drink.

“I know, I’ll tell her when I get home! So I need more information, give me more stories, I need to store some up.” The blonde said, rubbing her hands together evilly while Therese hid her face in her glass of water.

“Oh, well there was the time in winter, a year back, we all went sledging. We were racing down the hill and she flies off and falls head first into a pile of fresh snow. We had to dig her out!”

“That’s not funny Jenny! It was really scary being stuck upside down for 40 minutes not being able to hear anything. It was so claustrophobic!”

“Awh, poor Angel…” Carol teased.

“Or there was the time we all had a picnic on a really hot day, and we only had beers to drink, so Therese goes and stands in the foggy murky brook and puts the bottles in it to cool down, the water stained her legs this orange brown and over a few days just looked like a really bad fake tan. Johnny called her chicken instead of birdie for a fortnight.” Dannie chimed in.

“Shut up. Whatever was in that stream shouldn’t have the capability to dye someone’s legs!” Therese exclaimed, huffing at Carol’s beaming face.

“Wait, why birdie?” Carol asked.

“Well, when I was 16 I used to be a little more… _reckless_ …”

“Reckless?” Phil chimed in only for his face to screw up when Therese kicked him in the shins under the table.

Anyway, I always used to finish people’s drinks or give me a cigarette. Johnny used to say that I picked up people’s crumbs and scavenge like a blackbird, like a little birdie. And the name apparently stuck…”

“Yep! Speaking of Johnny, I need him to get me another drink.”

“Phil, if you can walk to the bar in a straight line, I’ll put it on my quota.” Therese said challenging the male who had had way too many drinks to stand let alone walk.

“Deal.”

No one was surprised when Phil stood up, took three steps and tripped over his own feet, cursing at his ‘clumsiness’. Therese sighed, stepping over his body, to buy one for Dannie before they left, unaware she was leaving Carol to his protectiveness. “I like you.” Dannie said as a matter of fact.

“Oh… I’m glad, I like you too Dannie. Even though you beat us at pool.” Carol joked.

“I like the effect you have on Therese.”

“Oh I wouldn’t say i-“

“Whatever it is you two are doing. Just promise me you won’t hurt her. The first time I heard of you, Therese had rushed over to mine on Hugo, she had gotten in a fight with Tommy over you. That means you _matter_ to Therese. Tommy only pushes buttons that will hurt Therese the most. And she was livid. And yes, maybe Tee needs to get that under control, herself. But it also means you have the power to press that button, intentionally or unintentionally. Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

“I think so.” Carol said, mulling over the caring words, a little nervously, and Dannie could see that, so he tried to explain himself.

“You don’t really know why you’re attracted to some people and not others, the only thing you know is - you either are attracted or you’re not. It’s like physics - bouncing off each other like pin balls. And you, I think you’re a pretty major collision.”

“…” Carol contemplated. Humming in understanding as she looked over to Therese, who was stood at the bar waiting for Johnny and chatting to young man, who was brazenly flirting with her. Therese couldn’t care less, her body language closed off as she crossed her arms and rest them on the bar but the more the man jokingly touched her or winked, the more Carol saw red. She turned to her table mates, excusing herself not so subtly to their expectant faces.

Jennifer turned back to her wine glass. “So that’s why they are 100%. This should be good if she’s as explosive as Therese. I bet a round that Carol kisses her.”

“No way, a round that she’ll hit the guy.” Dannie interjected.

“Nah. Carol doesn’t look like the type to punch someone out of nowhere. She’s from the city.” Phil cut in, sliding back into the booth after scrapping himself off the floor. “She’ll be mad at Therese – Look, look she’s talking to them.

///

“Oh, but you know, a hard day’s work, ploughing the fields, I ripped my shirt all the way across so I just took it off and used it as a cloth.” The man scoffed, looking rather proud of himself as he tried to keep the muscles on view flexed.

“Interesting. Seems like you a just a _ball_ of testosterone.” Therese said rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, you know. I’m not a believer that our matches are the only ones. I think our eyes can tell us so much more than numbers.” He said, his eyes roaming over Therese as if she were meat.

“Of course you do… where the fuck is my drink?”

“And my eyes are telling me that, you and me… we could contribute something beautiful.”

Therese was about to tell him to fuck off, as she was handed her beer, but a slender hand with manicured red nails wrapped around it before she could, cutting her off from the flirtatious prick. Before Therese knew it she was watching Carol down the pint in one. She wasn’t the only one, as her friends and the stranger also watched upon the blonde smack the empty glass on the bar, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

“That may have been the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” Therese exclaimed, biting her lower lip, as Carol belched.

“I also like a girl that can drink.” The stranger interrupted, missing the way Therese’s nostrils flared and fingers twitched. “Hey… I haven’t seen you around before sweetheart, can I get you another one of those…”

His eyes roamed up and down Carol’s body like they had done hers less than a minute ago. Therese had to refrain herself from sending the man flying across the room, wanting to show for once that she didn’t need to end an argument in conflict. But it got increasingly harder when Carol began to walk towards him putting a hand on his shoulder.

“That sounds like a great idea but I’m not sure about the part of the _three_ of us going. I mean, don’t you think everything is so much more intimate when there’s just _two_ of you.” Carol said narrowing her eyes and tilting her head, Therese’s laboured breathing not going unnoticed.

“Y-Yeah, of course. I mean we could just go back. You know for coffee and … Yeah. Should we…?” He asked gesturing to the door, unable to believe his luck as the knockout blonde stood before him.

“Yeah. We should.” Carol replied, seeing Therese’s shocked face, which slowly morphed into a blank and unreadable one, slightly scary in a way, as she hopped off her barstool to storm back towards the booth, but a hand caught her arm spinning her back, and bringing her lips to Carol’s.

She was still at first, trying to resist but that only lasted a fraction of a second before she was pulled back into the haze that came with abusing the drug that was Carol.

Therese thought she could hear the hoots of her friends in the background but it was pretty hard when the blonde’s hands were snaking her their way into her hair and releasing it, filling all her senses, deepening the kiss and pressing her against the bar before parting abruptly, making Therese inwardly curse at how she was back under this woman’s spell with one kiss, and although she was angry, how she still wanted her lips back on her own.

“Like I was saying, Angel. I think we should, leave. It’s just so much more intimate and hot when it’s just the two of us don’t you think?” Carol said, attacking her jaw and neck with wet kisses and nibbles.

Therese couldn’t help but beam into the blonde locks that tickled her nose as the man in her peripheral vision slid away shamefully. “You’re so bad, you know that?”

“Yeah, I do. Although I wouldn’t mind going back really, as much as I really like your family, I wasn’t lying when I said it was more intimate, _alone_.” Carol caught Therese’s lips once more, only parting when Therese had to breathe to shout over to her friends.

“Right ok! Everyone in the truck, I’ll drive tonight!” Therese stated taking Carol’s hand, nicking Phil’s keys before walking out to the truck.

Dannie and Jennifer helped Phil out to the car park, grunting as he was helped into the rear, muttering something about owing Jennifer a round.

Carol slammed the back shut, making sure Dannie, Phil and Jennifer were inside safely before climbing in the front with Therese, sliding close to her, letting the brunette’s hand slip around her thigh once they had gotten on the strait, leaning her head on the driver’s shoulder.

First stop was Dannie’s. They watched him hop out the truck, waving them off, happily. Next was their own. Jen and Phil stumbled in first while Therese parked up, hopping out and walking towards the house hand in hand.

“So what do you think of them?” Therese asked a little nervously. “We aren’t always like this. Sometimes we will all work really hard throughout the week so all our tasks are done for Saturday and go for a day trip or do a group project. They’re like my family. Dysfunctional, reckless, slightly odd, _family_. But the best I could hope for…”

Carol stopped the brunette in her tracks, wrapping her arms around her waist, relishing the feeling of hands slipping around her neck. “Therese your friends are amazing, I had a really nice time this evening. Honestly.”

“I’m glad.” Therese replied simply leaning up a little to take Carol’s lips between her own. The kiss was innocent and slow as they were still in view of the house, and when they parted they turned to make their way towards it, only to spot Tommy in the kitchen laughing with Jennifer and Phil. Carol noticed Therese’s change in demeanour following her line of sight and connecting the dots. “I don’t think I can deal with him today Carol…”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to… I fancied some fresh air anyway.” She lied. She was freezing. “How about we go sit on the roof for a while?” She began to walk towards the barn but Therese tugged her back.

“No I have a better idea. How about that fire you wanted to see?” Therese asked, tugging Carol in a different direction and to a small building only a minute away from the house. Therese picked up a bag of logs on the way knowing everything else she needed would be in the outhouse.

Carol opened the door. It was a small annex, obviously disused. It was a little warmer than the chilly night outside and covered mostly in hay, a few dozen blocks were stacked up in one corner.  She watched the brunette put down the logs, stacking up a small fire after closing the door. The windows were cracked and the small radiator didn’t work but it was liveable. “Where are we?” Carol asked looking around as Therese placed bricks around her few stacked logs and kindling.

“Mrs Robichek used to live here with Mr Robichek. That was until Mr Robichek stormed out one day and never returned. She moved into the house and this place became disused. Now we used it for horses who are ill sometimes or that we take for the night from other farms as kind of a makeshift stable. Gregory likes to keep his horse hay in here thinking that his is horse isn’t fed enough. We act like we don’t realise… But now and again, we will come in here have a few drinks, pass out so we aren’t belittled by Mrs Robichek in the morning.” Therese explained as the fire crackled into life. “Here you are. A real fire.”

“Beats my electronic one any day…” Carol said, staring into its flames.

Therese sighed, looking at the enraptured blonde for a moment before snapping out of it. “I’m going to grab some blankets and a fire guard. I’ll be right back.” She slipped out the door, leaving Carol to stare softly before she had an idea of her own.

Just under seven minutes later, after letting out a few grunts and heavy breaths, Carol was finished by the time Therese came back, a few strands of hay in her hair and scattered over her body but with a huge smile on her face. She took Therese’s hand. Guiding her in to the corner of the barn and showing her the makeshift fort she had built in the corner.

The small fort for two made Therese smile and she rewarded her court with a kiss before she put the fire guard in place and went inside, laying down one blanket in the middle, and one on top of them as they settled.

Carol wrapped her arms around her court, letting Therese snuggle into her side, entangling their limbs as they got comfortable with one another. It was a while till either of them spoke. Their breaths were becoming even as they bathed in the comfortable silence, until Therese broke it.

“Carol?” She whispered delicately.

“Yes, angel?” The blonde replied not prying her eyes away from the flickering flames but pressing herself a little harder against the brunette, burying her nose into the soft hair, inhaling the earthy scent.

Therese’s voice quivered a little. “Thank you…”

“For what?”

“… For how you make me feel… for how you always seem to be able to put a smile on my face. For sharing this amazing day with me… I really have enjoyed it. I enjoyed every second. And we still have all of tomorrow as well.”

“Yes… we do…” Carol said, a little distracted by the brunette’s nearing lips before they landed on her, a little desperate and warm, wanting and craving, pulling her into a dark abyss of need as their grasps tightened and their mouths moved with more vigour, each passing second. When they pulled back searching each other’s darkening eyes, it was like a switch had been flicked and they instantly knew each other’s parallel thoughts.

///

_Meeting Therese, was like opening a new side to myself that I didn’t even know was there. It was like I had always had it in me, but her… voice, her touch, her everything had just blown the lid off and let it pour out of me. In that moment, in that very moment, it was if we were speaking even though we were silent, and all these tensions, and hot flushes and flirting and kisses, every single time she would fucking look at me just got too much._

_And I wanted her.  Needed her. As if everything I knew before her, was missing… her. And she needed me, as she pulled me down into a searing kiss, the tingles that I can still feel to this very day. Somehow we were more powerful than the universe and its laws as the hay bales seemed to insulate us from the cold and any sound that could possibly break our locked lust. How we managed to get our overalls off I don’t know. It was like they flew off in an instant and the body that haunted my dreams from the first time I met her was in my grasp, as I palmed at her waist._

_She looked at me with such… heat such… desire. Like I was almost prey when I removed the black jumpsuit. It was intense enough to send shivers up my spine, or maybe that was the cold creeping past the heat of the fire, as I rolled my shoulders to let the material fall, kicking off my boots at the same time._

_I had never felt so at home in my entire life even though we were surrounded by a makeshift hay house in a desolated building, although I had never felt so trapped. Not by Therese but by how little I knew of the feeling she sparked in me. In us I hope. It was like she needed me as much as I needed her. Our last month of kisses and touches all culminating into this moment and it was… bliss._

///

“Therese…” Carol whispered into the empty night air, as the brunette’s fingers toyed with her panties, following them round to rest upon her ass before squeezing it, revelling in the way the blonde yelped.

“I have been dreaming about this…” The brunette panted. “It has been teasing me, every time you fucking move.” Therese breathed nibbling on the blonde’s pulse points, feeling it hammering against the skin as she sucked at it. Willing it to match her own. “I’m sorry… I-I can’t help myself.”

“Then don’t… I want you, darling.” And those were the words that broke Therese’s reserve, pushing them both onto the thick woollen blanket, resting on top of the blonde with a thigh between hers. As soon as it made contact, Carol gasped, throwing her head back, feeling wet kisses suckle down it.

She felt another thrust, inwardly moaning at the contact as the body above her exuberated heat, unsure how they had managed to go weeks, a month without tackling each other to the floor and fucking without a care in the world. Their bodies aligned perfectly, like the stars on a clear night, writing themselves in a lust filled horoscope, kissing each other passionately, determined to make it come true.

Therese’s rough palms trailed down the blonde’s sides, creating little paths of fiery sensations in their wake, taking the hands and clawing nails from the small of her back before pushing them up above Carol’s head, the moan elicited from the blonde sending a shot of lust through her body to settle in her lower stomach.

They kissed mindlessly, the cold nipping at their skin but not being able to penetrate them as they were generating heat of their own. Carol could feel the sharp brush of hay on the backs of her hands as the brunette grinded into her, their laced fingers tightening and untightening.

It was surreal for both women, as their locked lips groaned louder, and their bodies grinded deeper. The material of their underwear creating a fearsome friction over their skin. Carol was the first to break the kiss, diving for the place on Therese’s jaw she knew made her close her eyes and hum. She took extra time there, nibbling at it gently struggling to move any further as she was trapped under the brunette’s hold, so she rolled them over, resting between Therese’s legs pushing her back to the blanket.

“I need to see more of you…” Carol explained as she untangled her fingers, reaching behind her back to undo the clasp of her red bra, letting it fall slowly down her arms, never moving her gaze from Therese’s face as she bathed in the brunette’s reaction. Therese had never seen anything so beautiful.

“I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you.” Carol paused as she threw her bra on top of the dismembered clothes. She looked down at the green eyes that seemed to take her in with awe. Therese made no move to touch her, the only thing Carol could focus on was the brunette’s hands massaging her hips and those piercing eyes. She couldn’t quite decipher what Therese was feeling, or what her own body was feeling, but she knew what they both ultimately wanted so she moved back down, nipping Therese’s chest, reaching around her arching back to undo her black bra. As she leant up to toss it aside, she was knocked off balance. Therese was pushing her backwards, crawling up her body so she could draw a pebbled nipple into her mouth, humming in the satisfaction of taking the other breast in her palm and massaging it.

Carol writhed as she felt pressure pull her nipple out, releasing it before moving over to the other one. She panted into the night air, her nails raking down the brunette’s back, ploughing into the contours, remembering how each of her back muscles moved as the assault on her breasts continued.

She got to a point where she couldn’t take it anymore, where the pain between her thighs, which she quickly decided she liked, burned through her body like fire on gasoline. Her incoherent pants became pleas before Therese silenced them with her mouth, pinching a nipple to attention, feeling the vibrations of Carol’s pleasure ripple through their joined mouths. Therese kissed up Carol’s jaw, biting on her earlobe gently, bringing it into her mouth as her hands trailed further, under the panties which were getting wetter by the second.

She slipped her hand inside, feeling the soft patch of blonde curls, which got damper as she travelled further, until her fingers came into contact with the glistening slit that had been burning in the subconscious of her mind, without her even knowing it. Carol gasped at the feeling, her pelvis arching up into the fingers that did little to quench her need but a lot to fuel it, and then absolutely nothing when they retreated.

The blonde whimpered at the loss of contact from where she needed the brunette most and then again as her court sat up to admire the squirming blonde below her, who was so sensitive to her touch it made her heart beat just a little quicker, by the fact that she was able to do this to someone as magnificent as Carol. Someone as gorgeous as Carol. Being absorbed by the green orbs made Carol shiver, and Therese wonder if ‘All’ was even real, because she was sure that the woman laid beneath her, panting into the cool air, struggling to keep eye contact, was a deity that walked among the rest of the population.

She brought up the slender legs between her own, bending them at the knee so she could slip the obstruction from around Carol’s hips to the tips of her feet with ease, before throwing them in the growing pile of clothes. She opened the perfect legs, wanting to feel the place she knew would make the blonde crumble in her arms and her mouth watered at the sight.

She looked up to the blonde who had her legs wide, exposed, to see the vulnerability written all over her face and a cool façade draped over it. It occurred to Therese that she had never really praised Carol aloud. It was glances, blushes, the roaming of her eyes, grunts, but never really aloud. Therese kissed the blonde’s ankle not missing the goose bumps that washed over the perfect body, and then the inside of her knee, and then her thighs, and higher and higher until she reached her lips, in an effort to show her how flawless she truly thought she was. “Carol…” She whispered, looking straight into the conflicting grey eyes as her fingers were making small teasing circles on her hip.

“Angel…” Carol breathed, her voice a little shaky.

“Carol, you are magnificent. You are wonderfully, and truly… magnificent…” Therese was sure she saw something change in them, as if the blonde was trapped inside her own head, a little confused, but as she let go, came out into the open, they darkened, so the brunette’s fingers found the small bundle of sensitive nerves to make them fly shut again, needing the moment to try and push back the unknown words clawing at the edge of her lips.  Carol clung to her shoulder, the red nails digging into her skin a little, the pain creating a rush through Therese’s body.

“T-Therese… Oh my…Yes…” Carol sighed as tight circles ensued, winding a knot deep inside her, beginning to strain. Therese sighed into Carol’s ear as she felt the heat radiate from the centre she pleasured, and moans of her name and short gasps fell from the thick lips of her court and tumbled down her spine. She felt Carol’s fingers on the back of her neck, twitching at the same time she would hit a sweet spot and Carol’s face would flinch with pleasure.

She slowed her circles, ignoring the pleading whimpers, even though doing so was not something coded into her DNA. She peppered the clenching jaw with kisses, softening it, pulling back ever so slightly to see the hazed and serene look paint itself over the blonde’s face, watching her blink as if in slow motion before she slid two fingers inside the tight wet warmth that flexed around the welcome intruders.

Carol’s mouth formed into a hard ‘O’, her eyes wide shut before flinging open, the intensity of her gaze sending shivers down Therese’s back, before taking control, Therese’s hand never leaving the adjusting walls as they rolled over. Therese’s breath was abruptly cut off though as Carol lowered her mouth upon the adjusting one below her, catching it, stealing it, and making the air her own as it was released from the brunette’s nose in a finite sweep.

Therese began moving her tongue and fingers in harmony, catching the moans in their kiss until she pulled back, resting them delicately, just to the side of the swollen lips. She heard the blonde gasp for air, and whine out past her shoulder as her thrusts were met by the gyrating of her hips. Cries of pleasure ran through the hay like fire would. Igniting it with cries of her name, of their God, of how she felt as the knot grew in tension.

She felt slender fingers moved from her neck into her hair, musing it between them as the other hand had found its way onto her shoulder. Their nipples brushed with each thrust, the palm of Therese’s hand brushing against Carol’s clit and the soft blonde curls a few centimetres above it. She could feel Carol’s teeth graze her shoulder as she moved, grinding deeper and deeper into her court below, revelling in the sighs elicited.

“Therese… Angel – I…” Carol’s broken words were cut off by the guttural moan from her twitching body.

“You’re so beautiful…Yes, baby…?” Therese answered, picking up the pace fractionally.

“I…I’m s-so close…” She breathed, the sweat of their passionately writhing bodies, mingling as the few words sparked the roaring fire inside Therese into an over flowing volcano, destroying anything in its path, along with her thoughts of anything but bringing Carol, the most pleasure she could.

“Yes, Carol… I… Carol, I…” Therese stuttered, the words refusing to come out, or maybe she had none, because she did not know one word in the Panel Dictionary that had an explanation to this feeling… this wasn’t happiness, it was closer to euphoria, but deeper, and so sad it made you feel good. It was, something that had been clawing at the chambers of Therese’s heart that were now making tiny holes.

She kissed Carol hard, bringing herself back to the woman who out of all the mess in her head, seemed to make sense, curling her fingers towards herself, hitting a spot inside her court which had her screaming. She pressed her lips against the blonde’s perspiring forehead, feeling the drops hit her tongue, the salt exploding over her taste buds, just as she felt Carol’s thighs clench around her waist and velvety wet walls clamp around her plundering fingers, her hand rushed in the wet, sweet orgasm.

The word ‘Therese’ tore through the sex filled air, the humidity of their passion and the crackling amber light protecting them from the cold as the blonde gave into her burning muscles and collapsed onto the brunette, her body quaking. Therese watched a face of bliss wash over Carol, her mouth open and panting, her tight brows relaxing, her eyes fluttering shut. She curled her fingers, feeling the blonde’s chest rise above her sharply, breathing in, before removing them slowly, bringing them up to her mouth as she couldn’t help but taste them, the smell had already intoxicated her.

Carol’s eyes flickered open, watching the brunette withdraw her fingers from the crevice she knew inside and out, not leaving a trace of essence on them as her mouth begged for any drop.

The sight sent a hot rush through Carol’s body, making her thighs and pussy sore, as she was still so sensitive. She pushed the hand away that had brought her so much pleasure as she sunk into Therese’s body, not one gap between their panting figures, their tongues colliding and fighting for dominance, which Carol won, tracing lines over the brunette’s scalp with her nails.

After a few minutes Carol traced her hands down Therese’s arms, this time pinning the Therese’s hands above her head, admiring the fact that she had the angel to her mercy below her still rather weak body. She sat up, bringing the wrists with her, the grey eyes washing over Therese’s body, stopping a little at her heaving chest, continuing lower until she flicked them back to the green they were magnetised to.

She placed the rough hands on her own hips, to steady herself, as she leant forward slowly, kissing teasingly up the pale squirming body, staying just out of reach from Therese’s swollen lips before whispering upon them. “My angel...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said a Bang, Bang, Bangity Bang - i said a Bang Bang Bangity Bang.
> 
> So technically there was 15 chapters of what i think was not too torturous slow burn. I'm pretty sure it was just like an annoying itchy hot tingle ;)
> 
> Right? Talk to me down below :)


	16. Inattentive Aching

The sound of a cockerel filled the air with its shriek of dawn, jolting Carol awake, not recognising her surrounds as she seemed to be surrounded by hay. She looked round the small area, seeing a grey smoke rising from a distinguished fire and feeling a light breeze over her skin, making her instinctively pull the blanket that covered her nude form closer, before lastly her eyes found the green ones that instantly calmed her.

“You’re cute when you’re confused.” Therese smirked, leaned up on her elbow. The dimples that were etched into Carol’s memory permanently, bringing back a rush of memories from the previous night.

“How long have you been watching me sleep, you weirdo.” Carol chided, pinching the brunette’s ribs, making her squirm before draping her body over Carol’s tracing the contours of her face with the tips of her fingers.

“Am I not allowed to watch beautiful things…?” Carol leaned up catching her lips slowly, letting her head fall back into the hay after they parted. “I’ve only been up 4 minutes…”

“What time is it? It’s still dark outside.” Carol asked peeking out their fort.

“This is what 4:30am looks like 13…”

“04:30?! Someone shoot that fucking cockerel.” Carol sighed, pulling the blanket up high to her nose, taking Therese’s arms and wrapping them around herself.

“Carol…?” Therese whispered into the crook of the blonde’s neck, kissing up it, soothing over the red marks from the previous night.

“Hmmm… Therese, if you’re in this for the long haul, I think you should know that I’m _not_ a morning person. Not until the hours reach double digits. I hope that’s not a deal breaker.” Carol mumbled into the blanket, pushing her body back into her court’s for warmth, ready to go back to sleep.

“No, I don’t think that’s possible.” Her words making the blonde smile. “But we do have to get up.” Her smile fell.

“Whhhyyyyyy?” She moaned, turning in Therese’s grasp, snuggling into the brunette’s chest, kissing her collar bones a few times. “Wouldn’t you rather… stay wrapped up… with me?” Carol asked between kisses.

“I would, but the thing is, everyone begins to get ready at the sound of the cockerel. That means we have about 15 minutes, tops before people will get up for work. And 25 max until Gregory comes in here to pick up hay for the horses, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want him to find us naked covered in hay.”

Carol grunted, getting up as Therese did, slipping on her overalls with nothing underneath. They picked up the blanket, sneaking into the house, running up the stairs quickly before Carol quickly punched in Therese’s pin, letting them in.

“Darling, as much as I enjoyed last night, I am so glad to see a bed.” Carol groaned, unbuttoning her overalls and folding them in her draw, catching Therese’s gaze lingering over her in the mirror. “Mirrors are your enemy, Therese.”

“No, I think they are my friends, especially when they give me views like that…” Therese whispered, it had been too long since she had her arms wrapped around the blonde.

“Come to bed.” Carol said falling into the double bed crooking a teasing finger at her court who was also disrobing.

“Take me to bed.” Therese said raising an eyebrow, cocking her head and a split second later Carol  was grabbing her taunting hand, pulling her forward into her grasp and on to her awaiting body to steal a tight lip lock. Carol barely felt the brunette shift the covers out from under her, and as she leant up for another kiss Therese flopped to the side, turning off the light, cocooning the blonde from behind. “Now go to sleep, I have plans for today.”

“Plans? Or _Plans?”_ Carol said, grinding her hips back the second time.

“Both.” Therese said simply after grunting, pulling the covers high, wrapping them in warmth.

///

“So you’ve finally made it down?” Mrs R asked, not looking up from her paper.

“I swear you have errands or jobs to do. You don’t just sit here and go through our fridge all day.” Therese said stealing the cigarette from her grasp, taking a drag before handing it back. She went to exhale as she leaned in the fridge door but Carol ghosted her lips, breathing in her smoke, before breathing it out herself. Carol moved herself back into the view of Mrs R, smiling to herself as her court stood frozen behind the fridge door. “That may have been the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” She said finally, closing the cold door before leaning up against it.

“ _The_ hottest? Chugging, burping and smoking… Damn, I’ve got to up my game.” Carol said walking to the cupboards, being caught halfway for a chaste kiss.

“If you don’t mind I’d like to keep my breakfast in my stomach.”

“Mrs Robichek, its 11:30. You eat at 7.” Therese stated, not letting the blonde out of her grasp or even from her sight as she replied.

“What, its 11am?!” She feigned ignorance. “I didn’t notice! What are you guys cooking for lunch? Anything good?”

“No, I don’t think so. You’ve been waiting in here for us to come down so Carol can cook for you, haven’t you?”

“I don’t know what you mean! Whatever you’re trying to accuse me of is simply not tru-“

Phil burst through the door. “Carol! Therese! Fancy seeing you guys here! Look it’s almost lunch! Are you guys cooking anything up? Maybe?” Therese scoffed, and Carol opened her mouth to reply but another person entered.

“Hey you two! Haven’t seen you guys about today! I just came back for lunch! Making anything good? Carol? Phil has told me wonders about your cooking!”

“Jen, well… I-“

Dannie was next up. “What, fancy seeing you guys here?! You know last night, I heard that, Carol _cooks_. Well…”

“Ok! Ok!” Carol put her hands up in surrender. “Who wants an early lunch?” Everyone’s hands in the room shot up, including Therese’s. “I mean I may as well earn my keep.”

“Does that mean you’ll make dinner this evening too?!” Phil asked excitedly.

“Don’t push it!” Therese cut in. Not happy that her precious time with Carol, was now being shared. She turned back to her court who gave her a quick peck on the cheek before tying on an apron.

“Angel, do you want to help me?”

Therese picked up her tea towel and opened her mouth to oblige but there was a collective and rushed ‘No!’ from the hungry farmers around the table behind them. “I mean, Therese, as much as we deeply appreciate your water and Weetabix with a splash of milk, we also don’t want food poisoning.” Dannie intervened.

“I seriously think you guys are way too harsh on Therese’s cooking skills. The morning after the city party I was a little… _hungover_ and Therese made me tomato soup.”

There was a mutual jaw drop before Jennifer found words to speak. “She _cooked_ for you and you _didn’t_ throw up your organs into a toilet bowl?”

“Yes, it was nice actually… plus a couple days ago she was helping me out around the kitchen. We even made a meal together. Seriously I don’t know why she gets so much shit.” Carol said, looking in the fridge at her ingredients.

“Maybe because she once cooked me egg on toast, and I’m pretty sure she just cracked me an egg onto a piece of bread and then was so proud of herself, she watched me eat it.” Phil cut in looking a little pale as he reminisced.

“That’s nothing, she once made rice cakes. I had to bin the oven tray because they wouldn’t come off after 3 days of soaking, _and_ using a chisel to chip away the edges.” Mrs R exclaimed.

“Tee and I were down pub and wanted a quick snack when we got home. We had crisps, covered in banana milkshake, topped with hot sauce. She guzzled it down and I haven’t been able to look at milkshake the same way since.”

“Or back in the day when we used to have a cooking rota. On Therese’s very first time, she made fish stew with parsnips broccoli and _lettuce_ … It had _meatballs_ and _noodles_ in it too… She served it with beef gravy… You think that would have been the worst of it, but the fish was more or less raw. I had to take four days off…”

Carol looked at her court, who was looking at the floor, sipping a drink of coffee, not denying any of the accusations. “Ok… yeah. Jen’s is the worst, darling, why don’t you just sit down for now, and we’ll leave your cooking lessons to when you’re round mine, okay?”

“Thank fuck.” Jen whispered, inwardly, but not quite enough to escape the towel flung at her face.

“Fine.” Therese said, a little defeated. Carol gave her a kiss to cheer her up a little. “You’re all shit by the way. Every meal was made with care and… consideration!”

“And although we care for your consideration Therese, I also prefer my stomach and bowels in my body and not the toilet.” Phil chuckled, but abruptly stopped when Therese threatened to take Carol on their day out and leave them all hungry.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

///

_40 minutes later…_

“Right, come grab a plate!” Carol said, putting the freshly whipped cream into the fridge for afterwards.

The table rushed towards, where the dished plates lay, grabbing them eagerly, thanking Carol as they hurriedly grabbed forks. Carol took her own plate making her way over to the table, but seeing there were no chairs left. Dannie began to stand to grab another but didn’t have a chance to as Therese pulled Carol down by the waist, making a seat on her lap, holding her bowl in her hands.

There was quiet chatter, mostly moans of satisfaction and questions about how Carol had made such a taste bud tingling linguine. The secret was sesame seeds which she had luckily found at the back of a cupboard, when she was looking for pepper to season the tomato, mushroom and bacon sauce with.

Therese kept a hand on Carol’s back once she had finished, thanking her profusely, resting her other hand on her thigh, noticing how Carol always tensed and shifted a little whenever she did, her jaw clenching a little.

Everyone apart from Mrs R who had put a little aside for later had gone back for seconds, Gregory and another new young house mate, Alex, even came down and sheepishly asked for some. Everything was fine, until the mood dramatically shifted, when Tommy walked through the door.

“Hmm! What’s cooking Mrs R, smells great.” He said, sniffing around, ignoring the people at the kitchen table.

“Carol made a linguine, and if you ask nicely, she might let you have the portion left.” Mrs R chimed in, ignoring the fact that Carol’s whole body had tensed and her eyes screamed ‘shut up’.

“Carol made linguine, huh?” Tommy said looking into the big pot. He opened the oven, seeing a cooling cake in its tin. “My, my we have been busy. And here I thought Therese had been making her work out in the fields day in and day out, but actually she’s making her slave in the kitchen for us all.” Tommy said, slamming the oven door closed.

Carol could feel Therese’s fingers twitching into her thigh, digging into her flesh hard. She placed her hand over the brunette’s, lacing their fingers in support.

Dannie had had enough. “Knock it off, Tommy. Could you drop the dickhead persona for ten minutes? I mean if you’d just ask, you could have some pasta. Have a civil conversation. Be human for once. Give the girl a break, you’re twisting and manipulating like you always do.”

“Twisting and manipulating?! Well little miss experiment gone wrong over here is the one who’s twisted. Anyone notice that Therese has a lack of social skills, and is perfect at everything. That isn’t normal. _She_ isn’t normal. She should have been exiled like the rest of my family. The freak was _barely_ in the system and it shows.”

“Therese is good at the things she puts her mind at. She works to become good at them. Plus she is sociable. Maybe you never see that side of her, because you’re always trying to tear her a new one, but she’s one of the kindest people I know. And I’m thankful to be her court.”

Tommy tutted at Carol’s outburst, dishing himself the last of the pasta. “Be careful, Carol.” He turned walking to them slowly. “Such a declaration could be mistaken for love.” It was if the words penetrated Carol’s heart like a shard of glass and each second that past, it contorted in her chest a little more.

“Don’t be absurd.” She snapped back, her eyes a little narrow.

“I wouldn’t put anything past women like you, but this? Look at you two. You reek of it. So protective… so clingy… I mean if you two were a 100% match _and_ my little sister and I are feral, I don’t think it would be very hard to be accused.”

Carol opened her mouth to retort but before she could, she felt herself land on her feet as Therese made her way towards the arrogant prick. The blonde caught her arm, calling her name, but Therese shrugged her off, telling her that it was ok, as she got closer and closer. She saw Tommy’s Adam’s apple bob, as if bracing himself for the blow, so she reached up and touched it, revelling in the confused look that clouded his eyes as he smacked her hand away.

“What are you doing?” He asked, a little on edge. “Don’t infect me.”

She laughed, before it abruptly stopped as she swiped the bowl from his hands, watching his face contort with misunderstanding. “Thanks for the second serving _brother_. Be sure to try the cake, Carol put strawberries and cream in the fridge to go with it.”

“I’m allergic to strawberries.” He said through gritted teeth as Therese took Carol’s hands, pulling her in the direction of the stairs.

“Oh, I know. See you later big guy.” She said disappearing, hearing a glass smash against the floor and a door slam as they went.

They entered Therese’s room, and Carol flopped onto the bed, her hands covering her face. “I’m such a hypocrite…” She breathed as Therese put down the pasta and joined her. Laying closely next to the blonde but not touching. “I tell you to ignore him. To be the bigger person and then _I_ get sucked into his mind games?!”

“I know, it’s hard not to.”

“But you! You managed to do it! You… you didn’t retaliate! You… I’m so proud of you, Angel. How do you feel?” She asked turning her head to her companion that lay next to her, also face up.

Therese sighed. “Better than I usually do after talking to Tommy, I’ll admit.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t lose it, I was seconds from hitting him myself.”

The brunette closed her eyes, smiling softly. “Well… I had a pretty compelling reason, not to lose my cool. I want to spend the day, with you, untainted by the memory of seeing the dismay on your face if I began a fight…”

“The dismay?” Carol frowned questioningly.

“When I had put down Abby. You looked at me… as if you didn’t even know who I was… Like, I wasn’t there anymore.” She said opening them, turning her head to Carol.

“Oh, angel.” Carol sighed, reaching for Therese’s hand, wrapping around it like a vine.

“And I don’t want to be anything but myself around you. I want you to always recognise _me_. It isn’t something I’m proud of… we would have spent all day working through it, and I don’t know about you, but I could use some fresh air and a swim.”

“Darling, I was surprised that day. That was all. I had seen you take so many hits, I was scared, and then it was like you saw no other choice and flicked this internal switch. It wasn’t something I knew you could do. I was just a little shocked.” She began making small circles with her thumb on the back of the brunette’s hand. “I like you, however you are. And you’re right… we should put it behind us. I’m really looking forward to a swim, a ride. Maybe a fire when we get home.” Carol winked.

“Sounds perfect.” Therese rolled onto her side, and Carol did also.

Carol couldn’t help but pull Therese in for a soft and telling kiss, one that lasted but was over in seconds. “Sweetheart I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, Carol… And what he said about love…I…”

“What is it, angel?”

“I… It’s nothing. I- He was being an idiot…”

“Yes… It’s, yeah… Anyway, come on, I have a pair of red shorts and I’m pretty sure you’ll like.”

“13, anything around your ass is an instant winner.” She said pinching it through the worn overalls making the blonde giggle.

“You’re so stupid.”

“Ok, Einstein, Calm down.”

///

Therese had made a picnic basket for an early tea, and Carol had scribbled down a quick recipe for Mrs R while watching over Therese and her sandwich making skill with eagle eyes. She thanked ‘All’ she did, otherwise they would be eating vegemite and mustard sandwiches, or two slices of cucumber between three slices of stacked up bread. In the end she had to tell Therese what ingredient to put on, and when to stop.

After that fiasco Mrs R had made them a large flask of coffee as a thank you which Carol gratefully accepted, pleased that she may be coming around to the idea of her.

They left soon after getting changed, slipping a bag of clothes and the food into the compartment in the bike before hopping on.

“Hey, this is going to be a longer drive, so if your back gets sore, just give me a 3 small taps on the shoulder if you’re going to hold onto the back rail instead.”

“The back rail? What happened to ‘hold onto me if you don’t want to go flying’?” Carol said crossing her arms, cocking an eyebrow.

“I may have made a little white lie…” Therese gritted through her teeth, climbing on her bike, gesturing for Carol to do the same but she didn’t budge.

“Nuh-uh. I want to know why.” She said, standing her ground.

“Carol?”

“If you want me to get on…” She was blatantly teasing now as they both knew why.

“Screw me, if I wanted a smart, exceedingly mind boggling, crazy hot blonde’s body wrapped around my own as we rode around the countryside. Ok? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Aren’t you missing ‘hilariously funny’ from that list?” She edged.

“Oh of course! Along with so very, very humble.”

“Just stamp on my thunder.” Carol sulked, climbing on the bike, wrapping her arms around the brunette, “Oh and Darling,” She whispered. “I don’t need a reason to screw you.” Carol felt Therese’s stomach contract as she coughed on nothing, rolling her shoulders to get rid of the abrupt tension, pulling off onto the road.

They sped through the countryside and made it to the mountains. Therese was right, her back was a little sore, but holding onto Therese as the world zipped by was one of Carol’s favourite pass times, so she let the ache burn at her muscles. They were soon on winding mountainous roads, Carol lifting her watch every now and then when they reached a straight, taking photos of them and their surroundings.

They reached the lake after a while, the very one they had seen the day before, which felt like a lifetime ago. It was gorgeous and serene, the water slowly lapping on the pebbles. Everything was untouched by man. It was surrounded by rising mountain and towering healthy trees.

“ _This_ is the World’s best kept secret…” Therese whispered circling Carol’s waist from behind as she stared in awe.

“It truly is… It’s magnificent Therese…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ^-^  
> oh hi there!


	17. Constructing Camaraderie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - NSFW ;)

She heard the compartment of the bike pop in the distance, but she was too absorbed in the beauty around her. Suddenly a rock whipped past her, skimming her hand before skipping across the water, making ripples as it bounced. “Bloody hell, Theres-!” She said, brutally popped out of her bubble, only to turn and see her court in black tight swimming booty shorts with diamond mesh panels at the sides. Her bikini top stopped just past her nipples, where it was met by mesh that spread over her shoulders, down the racer back, accentuating her shoulder blades. Carol felt as if the air had been knocked out of her lungs.

“13, it’s not polite to stare…” Therese smirked as Carol went as red as her oversized shirt and short shorts. She opened her mouth, once, twice and the third time, actual words came out.

“W-well… A-a-am I not allowed… to look at beautiful things?”

“… We both are. So… as much as I am sweating in arousal over those shorts you should definitely wear more often… are you going to get ready to come in the water with me?”

Carol bit her lip, watching the way Therese clenched a fist and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She wanted to balance the scales. “No, I don’t think so. I think I’ll make you wait…”

“Make me wait?!” Therese asked incredulously.

“Yep! Now teach me how to skip a rock!”

“You’re serious?” The brunette eyebrows raised as she tilted her chin down, not believing that her court would torture her this way, but reality set in when the blonde picked up a couple stones, tossing them in her hands, cocking one of her own eyebrows towards her.

“Well, come on. What are you waiting for, Therese?” She bent over again to pick up more stones, this time halving at the hips so that she could keep her ass in perfect alignment with Therese’s line of vision, proud to see the green eyes glued to her when she straightened up. “Well?”

“… I err…” Therese’s brain still hadn’t recovered from the extraordinary view, and she wasn’t talking about the valley.

“Here, teach me how to skip a rock.”

“And…” Therese said, nearing Carol like a predator.

“And… If I get over 8 skips, I’ll put on my swimsuit.”

“Can’t I convince you in any way to put it on? Therese said, lowering her voice a little.

“Well… We err…” Carol was having trouble breathing as Therese’s hands circled her waist and rested on her ass, squeezing through the shorts making her growl. She leant forward a little nibbling on the marks from last night which she couldn’t stop thinking about. The way Carol had touched her, had made her feel heights she never knew existed. She stopped when she heard her name being called. “I can’t think straight.”

“When I’m… doing this…” She said, kissing her chastely in between words, massaging the behind in her palms. “I hope… the last thing… you’re thinking of… is straight.” Carol groaned at the words, deepening their next kiss until Therese pulled back, just out of her reach. “If… I teach you, you’ll put on your swimsuit. But…”She asked leaning forward, licking up into Carol’s mouth but retreating before their lips could lock. “What do you really want, Carol?”

“… You…”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.” Carol answered immediately.

“When?”

“Always.”

“How?”

“…Naked…”

“Why?” Carol, blinked, searching through her head, for the exact reason why. She had millions, but no comprehendible one. Sure, she could say that the burning lust in her veins was begging for a release, but there was something inside her that knew it was more than that. Something that she didn’t have words for in that big brain of hers. “Carol?” Said the voice of her angel, pulling her back from her thoughts.

“Don’t you know why…?” Carol said. There had been a lot between the two of them, they had so many conversations, they always had something to talk about, but there were moments between words and breaths, when their eyes spent year communicating in the width of a Nano second. And in the flecks of Therese’s iris’s she saw her reason why. “I’ll decide afterwards. Now are you going to teach me or what?”

The deal had been twenty minutes, but Carol always thought of excuse to gain more time, finding perfect pebbles, or saying ‘the next one felt right’. She had, taught Carol to stand sideways on, how to get just the right flick, how to get the right spin. Carol had trouble following through which just made the stone plonk to the bottom but after a while managed to get the hang of it. Skipping it across getting as many as 5 or six.

“Fuck!” Carol grunted, the stone plonking in the water after one skip

Therese narrowed her eyes. “You really don’t want to swim do you?”

“What?! That’s absurd.” She said, picking up a few more pebbles.

“Seriously, you can’t be body conscious, you know I think you’re the most beautiful person on the planet… What’s up?” Therese prodded.

“Quiet you… and it’s nothing, seriously…”

“Carol…?” The blonde tried to skip another, this time it going 5 skips before sinking, not making eye contact with the green imploring orbs. “You don’t know how to swim, do you…?”

“…” The blonde skipped another.

“Carol, it’s alright, I can teach you. You’re so streamlined I’m sure you’ll pick it up easily. You just have to try. Look, forget the deal. Let’s change, we can paddle and then I’ll help you I promise-”

“No!” Carol interrupted, skipping the pebble across the surface hard before turning to the brunette. It was as if she could see the walls building themselves so she took Therese into her arms gently and kissed her, prohibiting their construction. “I’m sorry. I am… I was horrible… I know how to swim Therese, it’s just - it has been a long time since I have…”

Therese stayed silent, urging Carol to explain herself. The blonde sighed, taking Therese’s hand and pulling her to sit on the pebbles next to her, which she did. Carol contemplated for a while before beginning.

“I don’t know why but, swimming just brings up memories I wish it didn’t. Harge was a great swimmer. We had a pool in our house. He used to have these large executive parties. His colleagues would be beyond drunk, and one night I got dragged into the pool. They didn’t realise that my dress had been caught up in a valve and I nearly drowned. When I got out, Harge belittled me in front of everyone, in a ploy to exert his dominance. So soaked and dripping I dried up, got changed. Put on a new face, and went back down stairs. Only to get groped by his workers and shouted at afterwards for looking like I was enjoying it when I was just trying to bear through it, brushing them off politely. He was protective, but also domineering. There was just no way to win. I’m glad I got out of there when I did. Even if I did do it rather messily. ” Her words came with no emotion. As if none of it mattered anymore, but as her fingers twitched Therese could tell that those years of her life still bothered the blonde.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it had nothing to do with you…It’s stupid, I know. It was so long ago, and I’m over it. I think so anyway. But… I don’t know - it was… the moment I realised that I didn’t want a life like that, constantly trapped beneath the surface, watching everyone breathe easily. Swimming just became a painful reminder. I should be happy I know, but, for some reason I always feel stupid over my hatred towards my decisions back then. I mean I could have been with you… doing X in a field, on a farm. Or in a hay barn.” The blonde winked making the brunette smile softly. “I don’t know, I guess I’m just putting it off…”

The silence stretched as Carol’s tale came to an end, and she felt the green eyes boring into her neck. “8 skips…”

“What?”

“You got 8 skips… on your last throw, I heard them…we both win. Let’s cut the cord. Not dwell on the past and be thankful that we met when we did.” Carol looked at Therese incredulously, as the brunette seemed to have the power to drag her from those murky depths, she didn’t explore easily, into the light air. “I’m glad you didn’t meet me back then, I was a wreck. A little teenage cannonball. But since we both won, what do you want, _apart_ from me? Have you decided?”

Carol thought for a moment. She thought back to when they were stood in her bathroom. When Therese told her that staying in the city felt like drowning. She understood that feeling. But Therese could make her float, and she was determined to help Therese float above the water too. “…The city.”

“What about it?” Therese asked, completely oblivious to the mention of it.

“Stay with me… next week, on the rest day. I want to give you a new perspective… and then we can spend the rest of the day… _‘Stacking hay’_ …”

“ _Stacking Hay_?” Carol nodded slowly, self-consciously biting her lip once more. Therese focused in on that lip. She was telling the truth when she had said that she would happily drag herself under for Carol. “No party?” Carol rolled her eyes but nodded again. “No psycho friends?” That one made Carol laugh, a deep heartfelt one, which radiated out of her, and into the dimples of Therese.

“Yes, I promise.”

“And… what… w-what if something bad happens again… o-or I fuck up with another lifelong friend of yours. Would you still court me…?” Therese looked away a little ashamed, not being able to withstand the invisible force that constricted her soul when she looked into those bright grey eyes. It didn’t last long however, as she was pulled back with a kiss.

“Of course I would, Therese… And anyway, I think we went about everything wrong… I’m sorry that Abby pressured you into that party, and I’m sorry I let it happen. It was too much, too soon, even though you had warned me… You needed me, and I left. I promise you that will never happen again. If you say you need me I’ll be there for you I promise.”

“It’s alright… and I actually had fun, for the most part of that night anyway.”

Carol didn’t try to hide her surprise. “Really, you did?”

“Yes, I liked wearing a suit, and seeing all those smug faces wiped clean when I beat them at poker. … Plus I don’t want to wait for a week to see you… I could always take a res-“

“Don’t you dare! No more sneaking off rest days! You worked so hard to build those up, they are yours alone and don’t you dare waste them on me.”

“What if I want to?”

“Then you’re an idiot.”

“ _Your_ idiot…” Therese mirrored Carol’s smile. “Ok, c’mon, I can’t take it any longer. Go put on your swimsuit. We are going to make new memories.” Carol rolled her eyes getting up and gesturing for Therese to turn around. The brunette did, facing out towards the lake they were about to intrude, her mind mulling over the fact that she wished she knew every single detail about Carol. Every past story, every single detail. Every loss, every laugh, every douche bag she had to interact with. She wanted to be there to wipe the tears, join the giggles, but she was too late for that. _I have now to do so instead._

Just then she saw a flash of red fly past her, gold hair bouncing as the blonde ran past Therese and towards the lake, turning just before she hit the water. _She’s beautiful. She is so… beautiful._ Carol had a simple plain crimson red swimsuit on. It had a low back and the bottoms accentuated her ass cheeks perfectly. The crease of her cleavage was the darkest thing on Carol as she beckoned Therese towards her. She held out a hand, but the brunette was in a haze, watching the grey eyes search her for life with that wide white smile of hers, on the perfectly chiselled face, framed by the crumpled curly strands of hair.

Before she knew it, the goddess was walking towards her and taking her hand. “Hey slowpoke.”

“Yes, coming.”

“Are you alright?” Carol asked, noticing how Therese was still looking her up and down.

“Yes… I’m just – suddenly starving…” _Ravenous._

“Well we can go and eat first if you like, but we would have to wait an hour afterwards.” Carol said gesturing to the picnic they had laid on the shore.

Therese smirked, pulling Carol towards the water. “That isn’t what I’m hungry for…”

“Oh…? Oh!” The realisation hitting Carol harder than the water that was now lapping at her feet, as she followed Therese. They waded into the water hand in hand as it gradually made its way up their bodies, soaking up through the material until it had reached their shoulders.

The time flew, splashing in the lake. The sudden realisation dawning on Carol that it was fresh water, making Therese laugh, as the concept was weird to the city girl. They frolicked, coming together as they weightlessly floated. They got out for a while, sitting and eating the sandwiches, washing it down with a bit of coffee, wrapped in each other’s limbs, massaging each other in sun screen, which led to more languid kissing.

They stood waist height in the water skipping stones as the sun started it’s descent and waded out further, Carol effortlessly jumping on Therese’s back, knowing that she would be as light as a feather with the buoyancy. She wrapped her long legs around her from behind, and did the same with her arms, draping over the brunettes shoulders as she sighed into the crook of her neck, daintily kissing.

“Are you feeling less menial?” Therese asked as the orange glow of the setting sun bathed over them.

“Darling, I have been nothing but happy, from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“I’m glad…” Therese tilted her head towards her court ghosting their lips together as the blonde, twirled around her motionless body easily, placing her feet on the lake bed before swooping Therese into her arms, wrapping her legs around her red clad waist. “Do ever wonder why we are matched 100%?”

“I don’t know how that system works. But maybe the Panel managed to find this, inexplicable feeling we have when we are around each other and put it into numbers. Maybe this is how everyone else feels. We are just another mediocre couple like everyone else.”

“Do you really believe we are a normal couple?” Therese said, crossing her arms at the writs behind Carol’s neck as the water lapped around their bodies.

The blonde traced ovals on her court’s back. “… No… No I don’t. But in a good way…”

“Yes, like everyone around us… is… bored. Maybe they aren’t with their right match.”

“Well, not to brag but I had a 100% match.” Carol joked, giggling into Therese’s neck as she pulled her closer.

“You did? What is _she_ like?”

“Well, she’s a grafter. Makes me get up at ‘All’ knows what hour in the morning!”

 Therese pulled back. “You mean she makes you _get up_ in the morning?”

“Shh! Anyway, she strong and beautiful. Dark and interesting. Silent but so full of words. I don’t think I’ve ever met anything like her. The way she makes me feel. Like a warmth in my chest. It’s like she’s an amazing musician and her mastered instrument is my heart strings.”

“Wow. Cheesy much?” She said narrowing her eyes seriously, but not being able to keep her straight face.

“Oh so fucking cheesy!” They laughed, causing waves in the water pulse in polarity. “But, seriously. I think I… I think what I feel for this woman is nearly dangerous.”

The brunette rested her forehead against the one in front of her. “How so?”

“Because all I remember before her, was how boring and mundane my life was. She’s the pulse to my lifeless body.”

“And if you ever told her this, would she ever tell you the same?”

“I don’t know…” Carol said quietly, looking down at their wrapped limbs before looking straight into the green eyes ahead, piercing them with her grey. “… Would she?”

“Yes… Yes, I would.”

///

Carol and Therese stumbled through the door in a giggling mess, straight into the kitchen.

“Look what the cat dragged in!” Mrs R stated, looking their messy states up and down. Carol was bare face and still in her swimsuit, with her shorts thrown on whereas Therese had nicked the red oversized shirt and tied her overalls around her waist.

“Oh shut up, Robichek! You’re just mad because we weren’t around for dinner.”

“I will admit, I was hoping to see Carol, because let’s face it, who would say no to her cooking? Even her quickie meal was delicious.” Carol saluted to the appraisal. “But thanks to the recipe she left I didn’t need her. Everyone was full and satisfied. I’ve even got Jennifer to shovel the manure today!”

“A feat! Indeed. Any left?”

“In the pot on the stove.”

“Great, we’ll get some in a bit… Carol and I should… er we should…” Therese was out of excuses.

“Dry up!” Carol saved them.

“Yes! Dry up. You know… we’re all wet from, our day out and all… Anyway. In a bit Mrs R!” Therese said as she ran to bound up the stairs, pulling the amused Carol behind her until they got into her room. “I didn’t know how we were going to get out of that. I don’t think I would have been able to keep my hands off you for another half an hour.” Therese said, ravishing Carol on the door.

“ _You_ wouldn’t have been able? When you wrap your hand around my thigh, I reach temperatures hotter than hell.”

“Why do you think I do it?”

Carol growled, igniting something deep within the brunette, as she took dominance, pushing off the door, to walk and fall into the bed. “You’re such a tease.” She whispered, pulling Therese up for a hungry kissing, only breaking it to slide the shirt off of Therese.

“No…” Therese breathed, snaking her hands around to Carol’s ass, squeezing it hard enough to make the blonde yelp. “ _You_ are the tease.”

Therese flipped them, getting off the bed and taking Carol’s shorts with her cherishing the way Carol laughed when she threw them over her shoulder. She undid the tied on overalls, taking them down with her swim bottoms, standing straight again, only to be caught in Carol’s long limbs.

The blonde kissed up her pale chest, unzipping her swim top by the zip at the back, letting it fall before continuing between her breasts and to a nipple, grazing over it with her tongue and pulling it into her mouth.

“Holy shit…” Therese whispered into the ether. She laced her fingers in the blonde hair, urging her on her breasts for a while before pulling her back, so she could lean down and claim the mouth for herself.

Her hands found the straps of the red swimsuit, peeling it down Carol’s body, letting one breast free and then the other. Just the sight of them made her lose all train of thought, pushing the blonde down onto the mattress and pouncing on her like a wolf. She latched onto one nipple, sucking it hard, as her hands made light work of the rest of Carol’s swimsuit.

As her hands trailed back up she noted the dewy texture of Carol’s skin, the damp still lingering on it from the lake, and in her moment of haze, their bodies were flipped again, as Carol pinned her onto the bed with her frame, and hands on her wrists. She kissed Therese hard, pulling for air and just dodging the brunette’s lips as she came for another. “Stay still.”

The commanding words washed over Therese, slipping into her and running throughout her body. She stayed put as Carol descended down her body, nibbling at her jaw and earlobe, leaving bruising kisses over her collarbone and showing each nipple, care and attention that made her body writhe.

“Carol… Please…”

“Please what?” She teased, biting lightly on the erect peak.

“I’ve been waiting for this all day, touch me… please.”

“Always…” Carol whispered as she grazed her way down Therese’s chest, noticing how her torso was heaving as she breathed. She kissed down it, leaving a drying wet trail in her wake, spending extra time on her hip bone as she moved Therese’s legs over her shoulders.

She lowered herself further, coming face to face with what she had been searching for.

“You know since last night…” She said kissing Therese’s inner thigh, drawing them closer to the dripping centre that was begging to be touched. “In the barn, when you came…” She kissed closer, moving to the other thigh. “You were so fucking… beautiful…”

She blew cold air up and down the wet centre making Therese shiver. “But all I could think about…” She paused, waiting for Therese to make eye contact with, and when she did it didn’t last long. “Was tasting you.” Carol hooked her hands in the crooks of the brunette’s knees, pressing her legs out wide, before diving down on the pussy that was driving her crazy, touching to memory every fold with her tongue, the moans and whimpers of Therese only spurring her on.

She circled around the bundle of nerves which she knew would be so sensitive, listening to the pants above before sucking on it earnestly, feeling the legs in her hands tense as she did so. Driving Therese’s screams higher and higher.

Therese was on fire; her leg muscles twitching and her head thrown back. She didn’t know what to do with her arms, as she covered her eyes with one and grabbed her pillow with the other. Carol wasn’t holding back, and she could feel herself starting to climb as the assault on her clit continued. Therese almost found it embarrassing how quickly she was going to come to a climax when all thoughts were wiped from her mind, at the sensation of two fingers circling her entrance.

“Keep that leg still for me, angel…” She said before travelling down the wet slit, taking in all the juices she could before returning to the pulsating clit.

“You drive a hard bargain, 13. I-I don’t think I can…” Therese sighed, relaxing her free leg to fall to the mattress, but felt Carol tongue still, her fingers still teasing.

“Move and I’ll stop…” Carol said, kissing lightly everywhere, apart from the place Therese wanted her most.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Therese found Carol’s stormy gaze through the thick short blonde curls.

“Try me.” Carol whispered against her mound, which only made Therese wetter. Obeying her court she spread her legs wide once more, letting her body fling into the mattress when she felt two fingers enter her.

“Carol… Yes… Shit, Yes!” She screamed, not caring about their neighbours, the things Carol’s tongue and fingers were doing to her, were too good to be inaudible. The blonde sucked harder matching her rhythm with her court’s panting, as she lapped up everything she could, driving her fingers a little deeper and taking the clit into her mouth once more. When Therese’s breath became short, she slowed down a little, only for her match to protest. “No, please don’t stop! I’m so close…”

“What do you want, Therese?” She said seductively, knowing what her lowered voice did to Therese’s body.

“I want it harder…please Carol… please…” Carol took the words in, taking a minute to let them relay because they may have been the hottest things she had ever heard, before she picked up her pace, curling her fingers, hearing the brunette cry out above her.

She could feel the velvety walls contracting around her digits as they disappeared in and out, keeping to it’s, ever so slightly, quickening pace. She could feel Therese was close, as her chest heaved and her stomach randomly contracted, as her body writhed and she bit her fingers to keep loud moans in, as her legs quivered in an effort to not crush Carol’s head with the climax that was nearing.

And with a hum, a sweep of Carol’s tongue across where Therese was most sensitive, a curl of her fingers and a thrust of her hand, all coincidently timed perfectly, Therese shattered into a million pieces as she screamed her court’s name into the air, her body betraying her as her hand gripped Carol’s hair to keep her still, and her back arching off the bed as her orgasm swept through her veins like water, thrown onto fire, making her sweat with its heat.

She collapsed back into the bed, feeling her body twitch and quiver, her parted lips, mindlessly calling for Carol, and when she opened her eyes she found a pair of grey looking back at her.

Therese leant up to catch Carol’s lips with her own, pulling down the blonde on top of her, as her stomach muscles wouldn’t let her stay there very long. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I’m utterly selfish…” Therese said with a snort.

“Why?” Carol asked a little sceptically.

“Because I think I’ve stolen one of the wonders of the world… You’re magnificent, 13…”

“And you are-” An ominous growl tore through the air of sex in the room, making both women giggle into one another. “Hungry, apparently.”

“Is it that obvious?” Carol kissed her chastely, rolling off to her side. “Aren’t you?”

“Darling I just ate.” Carol felt a pinch to her side. “Ow! Fine, I’m starved.”

“C’mon, we better eat. You’re going to need your energy for what I have planned for you!” Therese said, nonchalantly getting up and slipping Carol’s shirt on.

“Oh?”

“Fuck.” Therese said, looking back down at the bed where Carol laid, her body beckoning Therese towards it without even trying. After a minute or two of eyeing up the blonde on the bed unabashedly she tried to recompose her cooler demeanour. “Y-You don’t think I’m going to let you get away after what you just did. Not a chance in hell!” Therese winked, slipping out the door, leaving Carol thoroughly turned on, naked and dazed on the bed. Her tummy rumbled. _Add hungry to that list_. “Hey 13!” She heard her court yell up the stairs, which snapped her into action, grabbing a pair of pyjama bottoms from Therese’s draw and a large black woollen jumper before heading down, seeing Therese warming the soup recipe she had left on the stove.

She was dancing to the radio, singing words she had heard so many times before, but sounded completely different coming from Therese, as she stirred and swayed to the tune, her hair messy from their small rendezvous.

“It’s official.” Carol said, urging Therese to turn around. “You are going to be the death of me, Therese Belivet.”

Therese smiled, mischievously. “Oh, I know. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being MIA for a while. Been a little busy. But i have a very relaxing week ahead so expect a few updates ;)


	18. Hypengyophobic Triggers

Saying goodbye was hard, and yes, Carol did nearly miss her train when Therese pulled her into a bathroom stall and kissed her passionately, the type of passion that would be marked as ‘suspicious displays of public affection’. But the train came, and left with Carol on it, as Therese whispered ‘I miss you’ to no one as it turned out of sight.

She didn’t have long to stand and mope as she wished the train would halt on the tracks, like a trainset with its switch flipped off. She solemnly got back on her bike and kicked up the dust in her wake as she sped back to her job, her mind playing over the perfect few days.

The next few days passed painfully slowly. Therese had trekked all the way out back to the wood farm, chopping more logs, the stump next to her feeling abysmally empty as she remembered Carol’s efforts at chopping just a few weeks ago. Carol had met with Abby, it had been tense and long, but all had been sorted, eventually. They were lifelong friends, and they were going to have to work through this like they did everything else.  

Saturday evening finally came and Therese was on Carol’s doorstep by the time she had gotten home. “Therese?” Carol said, looking up after hearing a cough, withdrawing her focus from her wrist as she checked an incoming message.

“Hey, 13… You going to let me in, I’ve been sat out here for a while.” Therese smiled a little lopsidedly, a bag slung over her shoulder, her dimples deepening as Carol’s eyes widened along with her smile, before she ran as quickly as she could in her heels to Therese passionately claiming her mouth with her own.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow morning!”

“And miss out on spending the night with you? Never! I couldn’t wait another 12 hours.”

“You’re the best…” Therese claimed her mouth this time pulling her closer by the waist, pulling their bodies closer, the few days apart giving her withdrawal symptoms, but now the high was back in her system. “Talking of hours… we only have 35 left… bedroom?”

“Only 35 hours? However will we fit everything in? What I had planned was going to at least take 48…” Carol smiled into Therese’s lips, placing her hand on the door, letting it scan her print, before it hissed open, pushing Therese inside hastily.

Their night was full of gasp and moans, hands and kissing, fucking and worshipping. It was the early hours when Therese had pulled Carol up from between her legs, whispering between her panting breaths ‘stop’ as she couldn’t physically climax once more that night without tearing her body in two.

Sunday was filled with domestic things. Cooking, kissing, fucking, going for a walk to a museum, making out in a bathroom stall, leisurely strolling back, showering… fucking. _Do those two count as two separate things if we did them at the same time?_

They had been laid in bed for nearly half an hour, just resting in their aftereffects when Carol had hopped up and put on her panties and bra. She dragged Therese out of bed, urging her to do the same. “What are we doing Carol?”

“You are going to teach me how to fight.”

“Teach you? Carol…” Therese smirked turning back to the bed to get in but the blonde caught her lifting the brunette off her feet easily, away from the warm bed and back into the clear space, putting her down gently.

“Yes, well what happens if I’m in danger?”

Therese’s features hardened. “I would never let that happen-“

“And you aren’t there…” She reassured. “Just teach me something…” She could see Therese mulling the idea over, her mind flashing back to the night of the party. “Please?”

“Fine.” She conceded, putting Carol in a fighting stance. She taught her the basics. How to use someone else’s weight against them. Always use objects from surroundings. Try use elbows and not fists. Knocking the air out of someone does wonders but doesn’t last long. How to punch without breaking your thumbs, and using your hips to put more power behind them. They were sparring lightly when Therese couldn’t take the sight any longer, dodging Carol’s advances easily and taking her down onto the bed.

“Hey!” Carol clipped Therese’s jaw lightly with her elbow and in reward Therese pinned her court’s hands down onto the mattress.

“I’m sorry but seeing you fight. It’s a bit of a turn on.”

“Yeah?” Carol said, testing out Therese’s grip on her wrists.

“Ok, more than a bit…” Therese giggled, taking Carol’s lips between her own, deepening it quickly but a knock on the door halted their blissful day as Carol used the distraction to turn the tables putting the brunette in a hold she had just been taught. “I take it back. You might be an Einstein after all.” She released the brunette, slipping on Therese’s oversized black shirt which she was set on keeping now.

Carol opened the door, looking a little sex dazed as her hair was ruffled and voluptuous from Therese’s fingers rifling through it, but she was slapped awake when her eyes met the brown of the guest at the door.

“Abby?!”

“Hey Carol! I know this may be really inconvenient but could you look after Daisy for a little while?”

“13?!” She heard Therese call, the voice getting nearer, “Who’s at the door- oh!” The brunette’s voice turning as cold as ice as her eyes met Abby’s. Their last encounter not really settling right with her. “Abby.”

“Therese… Ermm.” Abby’s eyes darted to Carol a little nervously, gaining no support seeing the blonde’s hair covered her face as she rested her forehead on the edge of the door, her eyes closed, a little exasperated. “I… I think we got off on the wrong foot Therese.”

“Again? Yeah. Maybe. Or you could say the wrong fist.” Therese’s eyes still looked a little dark, but she had been truthful when she said she was a quick healer, the cuts had scabbed over and the bruising was much more faded than before.

“Yes, about that. I assumed. I misjudged a scene, and I acted irrationally. I shouldn’t have hit you, and you should have hit me way before you did. I deserved more than what you gave me for what I did… And thank you for getting me and ice pack, and being nothing but nice even though I’ve been nothing but a crazy bitch… I hope you can forgive me? I’d… I’d jus-”

“Fine….” Therese said a little distantly. It would take a while, but Abby had just been trying to protect her friend. She had mishandled the situation entirely, but at least she knew there were people in this city that would fight for Carol if she couldn’t.

“What?” Abby said, not really expecting the blatant response, and Carol looked at Therese, her grey eyes asking the exact same question.

It wasn’t very emotional but it was the best Therese could give for now. “Sure fine.”

“T-Thank you…” Abby said, a little relieved.

“Yeah, well. You’re my court’s best friend and you throw a mean punch… what’s not to like?” Therese tried to smile and was success full for about two seconds.

Abby still felt guilty. “It means a lot. And again I’m sorry-”

“It’s fine.” Therese interrupted, guessing that Abby would just repeat everything previously said, and decided to change the subject. “Now… I assume that the small human in that carrier is for us.”

“Daisy… yes. I’m being put on call for an emergency. Gen is working this rest day so she can get Saturday off and if I work this shift, I can too… Would you mind?” Abby asked, her voice rising in pitch at the end of her sentence, her brown orbs darting between the green and the grey in front of her.

“Therese?” Carol asked, not wanting to put the brunette in the position of sharing their day if she wasn’t going to be comfortable.

“Errr.” If there was anything that freaked Therese out more, it was children. They were her biggest phobia. Therese was only scared of two things. Losing the little she had, and babies, but she could see the desperate plea in Abby’s eyes. “Yeah, I mean, we are just… _lounging_ anyway.”

“We’ll be more than happy to take her.” Carol said, bending down to unbuckle the baby from her carrier, holding her close to her chest looking down. Carol was like a third mother to Daisy, and she would do anything for the 4 month old girl.

“Perfect! Here’s her nappy bag. Carol you already know what to do, and Therese?”

“Yes?” Therese asked, diverting her terrified gaze from the slow blinking baby, to Abby, trying to fake an air of calm.

“I trust you with my child. I was wrong to judge. And I promise never to do so again. You’re a good person.”

“Thank you.” Therese nearly squeaked out, the calmness of Carol freaking her out even more.

“Ok, see you later Daisy. Bye-Bye. Bye!” Abby cooed as she hurried over to her car, waving to Carol and Therese, as the blonde carried the girl close to her chest, stepping inside the house.  

_Oh my god… we have to look after a baby… we have to look after a fucking-_

///

“Baby…” Carol cooed, putting the baby milk from the bag into the fridge, feeling Therese’s strong gaze on her, but the feeling wasn’t like the usual. She wasn’t being ogled, but scrutinised, as if Therese was picking her apart piece by piece. “Therese?” She asked turning to the brunette.

“Y-Yes?”

“Are you ok?” She asked, seeing _fear?_ Wash over the brunette’s face as she watched the baby look up Carol as if studying her, and then drop her wobbly head into Carol’s neck, looking at Therese expectantly as she chewed on her hands with her gums.

///

_I had never seen Therese like this before. I’ve seen her cold. Passionate. Goofy. Hardworking. Worried. But I’d never seen this… it was like fear. Deeply sown fear. It is times like this when I wish that we could have a week of rest days, and spill our messy pasts to each other and let it all soak in, like water on sand. But for this reaction to be related to something as pure and innocent as a child, it was odd… I don’t know. It made me a little uncomfortable too. We have been progressing so well. But would she never want to take this step in life with me? It made me nervous._

///

Therese broke eye contact immediately. “Yes… why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just you look like you’ve seen a ghost… was it seeing Abby?” She saw Therese’s gaze flicker a little nervously to the baby, who was still watching her, then back at Carol, who just looked _so fucking natural and care free that it creeped me out_.

“Erm. Maybe – I don’t know – You want to watch some TV? There’s actually something interesting on. ‘The Pacific’ It’s a documentary of the life in the sea. Want to watch some? It looks really interesting… You know squids and stuff…”

“Ok… But could you hold Daisy, whilst I get her dodo?” Carol tested her theory.

“What?” The idea of holding the little girl petrified her as Daisy hummed into her hand, now covered in saliva.

“You know like a pacifier?”

“Oh, its okay, I’ll get it!” Therese said choosing the easy option, digging it out of the bag, going back to her seated position on the couch as Carol walked over, knowing something was wrong but not quite putting her finger on it. The blonde lowered herself between Therese’s thighs like she usually did, it becoming a habit of theirs as she took the dodo from Therese’s fingers and placed it in the quiet girl’s mouth.

Carol leaned into Therese’s chest with her knees bent off the couch, propping daisy to lay on her bare thighs safely. Carol turned to look at the TV once Daisy was settled, thankful that the child was rather quiet in the daytime, but a terror at night. After a while she felt Therese’s chest start to relax a little as the whales sang into the dark blue abyss. Carol absent minded, moved her fingers soothingly, unconsciously playing with the small girl whose tiny hands were wrapped round each index finger.

Therese caught the motions in the corner of her eye, watching the small fair haired girl with big brown eyes look at her hands move, following them with her gaze, slowly blinking. The naturalness of it was the most soothing thing in the world, but also the most terrifying.

She could feel herself relaxing, which weirded her out, but the quiet little girl was growing on her rapidly, the tiny toes on the ends of her feet moving on top of Carol’s stomach, within the tiny socks which were too big. Suddenly the big hazel eyes met hers and she froze. Only blinking when her body forced her too, competing with the little girl whose lashes were impossibly long.

Therese felt like she was frozen in the locked gaze for eternity, until as if on que Carol shifted from her position, standing up and holding out Daisy towards her. “Could you hold her? I need to go to the bathroom.”

The terror returned in tenfold. “Errr. C-Can’t you take her with you?” She said rubbing her palms together as they sweated.

“Therese I need my hands to go to the toilet. Please?” Therese found it extremely annoying, because if it was anyone else she would tell them ‘I would collect the manure from Hugo’s arse myself than hold a baby. I would rather jump off a cliff, swim in giant squid infested oceans.’ But this wasn’t anybody. This was Carol… her catnip.

“O-Ok…” Therese stuttered and before she had time to think about it anymore she was holding Daisy out in front of her, under the baby’s armpits, while Carol ran upstairs to the bathroom.

Daisy’s feet dangled as she chewed on her hand. Therese held her like that, hanging over her lap as she stared at the tiny human. Daisy’s head lulled to the side. And wide eyed, subconsciously, with a very confused and sceptical face, Therese’s did too as she studied the quiet child.

She heard a melodic hum vibrate out the small girl as the lips formed a small smile, but Therese frowned a little unsure, moving back a little, keeping her distance.

She heard the toilet flush in the background and the tap turn on. _Oh thank ‘All’._

Daisy’s legs started dancing out beneath her, brushing Therese’s legs as they did, so the brunette held her a little tighter but not too hard, in fear of dropping her, still blinking unsurely as the baby cooed.

She heard Carol’s footsteps pad across, sighing a little relieved when she came into sight. Carol looked a little confused when she saw the brunette holding Daisy at a distance looking at her a little dubiously. “Angel, what are you doing?”

“Here.” Therese said simply holding the child out to Carol. The blonde took her and Therese instantly let herself release a shaky breath she had been holding.

“She doesn’t bite you know… she hasn’t even got teeth yet.” Therese replied by shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “Therese have you ever been around babies before?”

“Once or twice…” Therese brought her legs to cross in front of her closing off her body language but that didn’t put the blonde off.

“And how did that go…?” Therese stayed silent. “Are you scared of kids?”

“Don’t be stupid, Einstein.” She said without her usual witty tone and accompanying smile, her eyes glued to the fish that danced in shoals on the televsion

“Ok! Ok…You know I might heat up her meal. Mind holding her?” Carol pressed wanting to urge it out of Therese.

“Oh, no… I don’t think so - But I can heat up the meal. Is it in her-“

“Therese there’s nothing to be scared of… Here!” Carol pushed the baby back into the brunette’s grasp again and she stiffened, holding her out like she had done before. “Now pull her a little closer…”

“Carol I…”

“Therese it’s ok-”

“No, it’s not! It’s not ok!” Carol looked on at the brunette, a little shocked at her sudden outburst but not letting it show as she wanted an explanation. “This is one of my biggest fears! In the entire world. Could you please just help me!?” Carol stood still for a moment, absorbing what she had just heard. Therese was afraid, and she was asking for help. “The entire prospect of children scares the crap out of me, okay? Holding them, seeing them, having them. Anything. And right now I’m actually terrified. Could you please help me…?” Therese’s voice trembled as she looked up at Carol, the only sound between them were Daisy’s gurgles.

“Ok…”

“Okay?” Carol sat next to the brunette, placing a hand on her stiff thigh, squeezing it so it would un-tense. “Here, take her…”

“I said I’d help you Therese. We are just going to take it slowly… You say it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, but have you cradled a child to your chest in your arms?”

Her brow furrowed. “No… And I don’t plan to.”

“Please, Therese. Just hold her for a minute – 30 seconds, and if you’re still uncomfortable I’ll take her right off you. I’m right here…” Carol smiled softly and Therese turned to the child who was slowly nodding off in Therese’s hold. The brunette started to pull in her arms, turning her head away as the baby’s lulled forward towards her chest, glaring at the blonde under her frown. “That’s it. Now hold her to your chest, place a hand on her back, and if you tilt a little she should slip into the cradle of your arm easily.”

“Slip?!”

“Yes, but safely, I promise. 30 seconds remember.” Therese looked at the baby, following the blonde’s instructions until the child nestled in her rigid arms, nuzzling into her bosom. After a while in this locked state of staring down at the tiny child, blissfully asleep, her chest started to burn. “Therese you have to breathe.” She let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding in. The child raised a little and fell as she breathed.

Therese’s arms started to shake so she let them relax a little, time passing by unknowingly, her neck aching a little from staring down as her eyes started to sting a little. Soon tears were branching down her face and Carol had been so absorbed by the tender moment that she only realised when Therese brought the little girl’s sleeping head to her lips, pressing them to the thick baby hair, kissing softly, before reaching out to Carol. It had been a little under 20 minutes so Carol took Daisy, watching Therese get up a little worriedly and walk silently to the bathroom. About ten minutes later she returned, like her normal self, putting the baby bottle in the microwave to heat, taking a sip to make sure it was ok. When she sat, knowing Carol’s eyes had been following her about the ground floor, she leaned over, whispering., “Another time, ok?” before kissing her tenderly, handing her the bottle.

Abby came and left taking Daisy with her, thanking them profusely. Therese and Carol wrapped up on the couch together, limbs entwined, just silently caressing each other to sleep and early the next morning they parted at the train station with a simple kiss.

///

It was Friday afternoon that Therese really felt the withdrawal. She was sat in the bar with Jen, sipping on her pint, feeling as if the bar was dreadfully barren when in fact it was full of people, singing karaoke at their local watering hole.

“Earth to Therese! Hello?!”

“What? Sorry Jenny. I… I just got caught up somewhere…” She said swirling her glass a little.

“So when’s the mate date?” Jen smirked over the rim of her glass.

Therese nearly choked. “Excuse me?”

“You can barely go two days without her Therese! I know, it feels good to have someone else, they cook for you, they hold you, the sex… everything is happy, you’re one step closer to completing the SEEC, but at the rate you and Carol are going you’ll be mated by the end of this month.”

Therese rolled her eyes. “Ha ha. Very funny.”

“No _you’re_ _funny_ , Therese. You hang on that woman’s every word and you don’t want to mate her? If you were a man she would already be carrying your child.”

The topic of children made Therese tense, it was like salt in a very recently opened wound. “Shut up!”

“I’m serious. I mean when are you going to give this up T? You obviously like this woman. She makes you laugh doesn’t she? You have similar interests?”

“Well yes…” Therese gritted her teeth.

“She’s caring and a great cook. Is ridiculously hot and likes you the way you are, flaws and all?”

“Yes, but-“

“There is no _but_ Therese.” Jen said, as if it was the most obvious thing known to man. “You know it. I know it. It’s just I have the balls to say it. She’s your 100% for fucks sake. I mean how often does that happen? One in a million? In 10 million?”

“I can’t just make myself! Do you think I _like_ feeling this way?!”

“Well do you...?”

“…” Therese diverted her gaze, taking another swig of her drink.

“You do… And you hate that you like feeling this way. That you like being one step closer to the SEEC… and I know that it’s killing you but what good are you to Carol, to yourself if you’re going to stay stuck in your ways and keep living against your own grain?”

“Well what about you and Phil?” Therese tried to divert the topic into a new track.

“What about me and Phil?” Jen said, narrowing her eyes.

“You might not be matched, but why aren’t you pregnant? Why aren’t you at the nearest Bureau getting mated?”

“Don’t be stupid Therese. Unmatched couples have to be together for at least a year, preferably two before they can get mated. And I’d have a child in an instant. This minute if I could.”

“You would?” The brown eyebrows raised unbelievingly.

“Yes… Don’t you think it’s amazing how we can literally make a new person to contribute? Make a new person to make a change in this world? Mould a human being into perfection… someone with your DNA in them…” Jen looked as if transported, into a world of her dreams, looking up to the bar ceiling as if wishing to ‘All’.

“I don’t know… don’t they scare you? I mean, having to part time your job. Having to make sure they never hurt themselves, or… having to get up in the middle of the night to tend to their cries. You have to be depended on, all the time by someone who can’t fend for themselves. I don’t think I could take that kind of responsibility.”

“You take responsibility for people every day Therese. I depend on you. Dannie and Phil too. Carol does. One day you have to stop being bitter. You have to give up this silly ideal that it’s yourself against the world because, like it or not, it’s not just you Therese. You’ve unknowingly let us prize you open. You’ve been handing Carol rest days like there was no tomorrow just to spend time with her. Do you think you don’t depend on her?”

“I don’t depend on anyone.” Therese snapped.

“Drop the bullshit. We are too far in for that now. I know you feel sad about what happened to your parents… but in the end we have to obey the SEEC. Equality, everyone infected has to leave. We all can’t risk it-“

“AND ME? What about me Jen, should I have left?! I mean I am a product of the disease anyway!”

“Of course not, you’re not stupid enough to let yourself become infected, I’m just saying you have to stop trying to pull the wool over your own eyes and join everyone else…” Therese stood, downing her beer, sliding on her leather jacket. “Where are you going?”

“You think I like this? You think I like looking in the mirror every day and seeing a feral look back. DO YOU THINK I CHOSE TO BE BORN INTO THIS?! Why is everyone so hell bent on getting me to contribute? Why don’t you just leave me alone?!”

“Because you can’t keep going on like this! You have to stop! You’re way too old to still be going through this rebellious stage Therese!” Jen said slapping her hand on the wooden table.

“I’m 20! I’m _barely_ an adult! And this isn’t a stage, this is who I fucking am! I’m a feral! And I don’t need to rely on anyone but myself, because before I know it, anything I hold onto, or depend on will be ripped out from underneath my _fucking_ _feet_ just like _everything_ else I’ve ever known! You don’t understand!”

“I understand perfectly! And I’m telling you you’re wrong! What about Carol?! Hmmm?! She’s the whole reason we’re having this conversation. You think you can just stay in this courting bubble forever?! Do you even _want_ to court her?” She asked standing to Therese’s eye level, the argument heating up.

“Of course I do. She’s amazing.”

“Then what’s wrong? You’re clearly just still hung up on something that has happened over a decade ago! GROW! UP! Start acting like a citizen! And if you don’t want to then stay to yourself, total up your rest days and stop stringing Carol along! You need to WAKE UP! It’s like you’re in a trance!”

“I’m not stringing her along! And I’m wide awake! I’ve never been more awake in my life!”

“Then where are you two going?! Hm?! Are you just going to see each other on Sundays while the world passes on by?! If you can’t do this Therese then let her go. It’s not hard, just cut the cord, and find someone, anyone to fuck over but not someone that probably has aspirations. And sure if you don’t want to be happy and SEEC fine. Don’t. But don’t be selfish by dragging her down with you…”

“Fuck you… just fuck you…” Therese said walking away hearing shout behind her.

“What is wrong with you?! I’m just telling you what you already know but just don’t want to admit to yourself! Therese! Therese?!”

But Therese was gone, climbing on her bike, letting the tear drops blow into the wind, the droplets of water swept into the night air, refracting shimmering starlight before plunging to the ground, splashing in the dust, letting it fly with the particles from the tyre tracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make the heart grow fonder.
> 
> Yes I just butchered a great phrase... ;)


	19. Illicit Epiphanies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a Wonderful Valentine's Day.

It was a late Monday afternoon when she checked her smart watch, noticing a message from Carol. It was a picture of all her work, holograms splayed and layered up on her desk, with the caption ‘I don’t think I was ready to return just yet, not without you anyway…’

Therese smiled at the photo, catching a glimpse of Carol’s softly smiling face in the reflection of a hologram. She saddled Hugo climbing on and urging him into a soft trot. She bent down, taking a photo with him, captioning it ‘We miss you too…’ Last week Carol had taken her turn to surprise Therese at the farm.

A couple minutes later she received a photo, of Carol just softly smiling directly into the lens, her short curled hair parted in the middle. Her lips thick and lusciously red, her grey eyes soft and her manicured nail gently scaling up on cheekbone as she rested her chin in her palm. ‘Xxx’ she wrote. Therese screenshotted it, admiring it closely, still not 100% believing that she had matched with some as effortlessly beautiful as Carol but not complaining in the slightest.

///

“I wish you were here.” Carol said, Therese had received her video call Friday evening and they had been talking to the holographic images of each other for an hour since.

“I wish _you_ were _here_.”

“What are you doing Sunday?” Carol asked, knowing the answer.

“You, why what are you doing?” Therese grinned, hearing Carol chuckle through the monitor.

“So I guess you wouldn’t mind if I came out to see you then?”

“I will never ever mind you coming to see me Carol… Ever.”

 “Pick me up from the station? Saturday evening? 7 O’clock?”

“It’s a court…”

“Therese, I want to ask you things… but I’m not quite sure if you want that.”

“Ask me things… Please.”

“Well, what happened, with Daisy…the other week?” Carol nibbled her nip nervously as Therese looked straight through the hologram, straight into her.

“I don’t fear much, but children…? The fear just comes from within me… I don’t know, just something so helpless that is a part of you that you could hurt or lose. I don’t let myself have many things, friends, material possessions, I barely let myself have you, because I have a habit of losing them. And a child… I wouldn’t be able to stand it.”

“But what did you feel when you held her? You felt _something_ …”

“I don’t know… like my whole body was physically burning, every fibre of my being telling me to give her to you, but also a warmth… a good one. And then…”

“What?”

“And then just…memories… memories that weren’t mine. Like scenarios… I see them in nightmares sometimes… but they are so real… I was enraptured with her, and it physically hurt Carol… It’s hard to explain.”

“What do you see, in your nightmares? In the memories.”

///

_“No, give her back! GIVE HER BACK! You son of a bitch, don’t you touch her!”_

_A woman, with no distinguishable features, apart from her raven hair and protruding belly, thrashed against a hospital bed. She clawed against her restraints, her body a blur, as larger blue blurs held her down, and then like dust they vanished, the sand particles that once made them, falling to the ground like water over a sandcastle. The only thing left behind was the echo of the woman’s screams._

_The vision then faded to black and then bright white slowly. Pale arms stretched out on a table, restraints holding the small wrists on the table. They were small. A young girls, struggling hopelessly at the metal that bonded them. It was cold and hard._

_And then a hand clasped the girl’s head, pushing it to the table, the silent screams bounced off the table, only becoming audible when a she felt a needle push into the back of her neck, crashing into her spinal fluid. The excruciating pain making her body wrack with uncontrollable spasms, as she jerked her hands in the metal. She felt liquid pull out of her neck, and it was if Therese was trapped behind the eyes of someone else as the cold fluid was pulled from her body and she felt it relax as a fire started to light within her veins._

_The girl’s blood felt like lighter fluid as it coursed through her everything, finally reaching her brain, where Therese was safely watching from, colours one couldn’t imagine, exploding round her as she crouched to the floor. The little girl’s eyes opened once more, letting Therese see out of them, the only light in the explosive technicolour she was kept in, as the little girl fought against her restraints, pulling and fighting, until the screws were ripped from the table._

_The girl grasped her neck immediately, turning round slowly, now in a corridor staring at a white haired man, his icy blue eyes, returning her stare, as if she was a work of art. And as Therese saw a thin lanky arm reach out for him, he pulled a gun from his hip, pointing it square between her eyes and pulled the trigger._

_Black._

///

“I… It’s just fear, and confusion, and pain… It’s like I’m trapped, in someone else’s memories. Like I’m in their head, while they… while they experience something horrific. I can feel what they feel. But… I’m not there. It’s cold…”

“And this is how you feel when you held Daisy?”

“In a way. I don’t know, that memory came to me… but it didn’t last long… It’s like the fear is weaved into my DNA and my brain is fighting it with every fibre…”

Carol spoke her next words carefully. “And you. Would you like to have a child one day?”

Therese knew this question would be coming. But she didn’t know how to answer. “Maybe one day. When I feel stable. When I’m not as young… When I’m old enough to fight anything and anyone that could possibly hurt me…”

Carol wasn’t stupid. She knew it would take time. She wanted child. But she wanted Therese more. If they really made the brunette feel this terrible, she could live without one. Live her life uncompleted and not care. As long as Therese felt safe and happy so would she. So with resolution lacing her voice, she spoke. “… Well, that’s that…”

///

The topic played on Therese’s mind a lot. Carol’s answer. Why she had those dreams. Therese hated doctors, when she was younger she was there constantly. But now grown up, she would never go for something as mundane as nightmares.

Therese was washing up dishes, Saturday evening, and hour before she would have to leave to pick up Carol, when Tommy had walked up next to her, picked up a towel and started to dry the soaked plates. “What’s the matter _little sis_?” He said mockingly smirking a little, but when Therese didn’t even acknowledge him let alone react he narrowed his eyes. “Something happen with the lady love?”

“No.”

“Ahh. So something did happen… did she call it off because you’re a train wreck with no sense of control over your emotions and actions?” He chuckled at his own joke, but it came to an abrupt stop when Therese finished her question.

“What do you remember of our childhood?”

“What?”

“Of Mum, and Dad… What do you remember?” She said, her eyes never diverting from the warm water, placing a dish into his towel clad hands.

“I remember always being neglected, day in and day out for the little girl who always needed tending but wasn’t meant to exist… I’m sure you remember it a little differently.” He snarled.

“I get… dreams.”

“Well done, you’re the average human being.” He said stacking the drying plates.

“No - like nightmares - But… they aren’t me… I’m just a passenger… and, and there’s a woman. She had black hair… and she’s pregnant, but tied down… And, there’s this man. He’s tall, and has white hair, a soft face and these ice blue eyes…”

“Ok, feral, because we’re blood doesn’t mean you can just cuddle into my arms and cry your therapy shit out on to me. Get to the point.”

“Do you remember him… at all? Was he ever around the house? Ever?”

“White hair blue eyes. Not that I can remember… you’re going crazy. And stop causing scenes. Mates of mine said that you had another row in the pub. Just because they call us feral doesn’t mean you have to act like it.” Tommy dropped all the dry plates back into the soapy water. Not that Therese cared, and walked away, up to his dorm closing the door.

He tapped on his watch, typing in a pass code and watching it dial out. The call was picked up, and the receiver was silent. The deep breaths crackling through the speaker. “She knows.”

The other side sighed, deeply, turning into a groan. “Be at the Centre, 17/04. 645A. Activate protocol Frankenberg.”

“Yes, Arthur.”

Tommy hung up the line, swiping his history clean and closing it down, typing in a reminder for 17/04/56.

///

“Holy shit… Therese!” Carol’s hands fisted in the sheets as her back arched.

Therese brought her head up slightly from Carol’s dripping centre, grazing her tongue over each side of it before whispering. “Shhh… or I’ll have to punish you…”

“Punish me? Well that sounds intriguing... Fuck, angel please don't stop...” Therese swiped her tongue up and down, taking in all of the essence she could before wrapping her lips around the sensitive nub, watching Carol bring her arm up to her mouth and bite it to muffle her moans.

Therese travelled down further pressing her face into Carol as she couldn’t get enough of the sweet scent. “You taste so good…” She moaned, pushing her tongue deep into Carol, placing a hand over the writhing hips in an effort to keep them caged as Carol shuddered.

She flung a hand down aimlessly, fisting her fingers in Therese’s dark hair, pulling her even deeper, panting heavily. She could feel the tongue sent from ‘All’ himself, curving upwards, repeatedly hitting it, over and over again, pushing her closer and closer to the edge. She looked down between her thighs, seeing Therese with her eyes closed in bliss, and her own wild hand pulling the brunette closer.

Carol let her other hand slip from keeping herself quiet to join the other in Therese’s hair. She felt Therese pick up the pace, diving deeper, eating her like her life depended on it, driving her closer to full body ecstasy.

“Therese, don’t stop…” She felt Therese hum in affirmation which set her stomach into muscle spasms. “Holy… Oh my – Fuck! THERESE!” Carol topped over the edge, her thighs clenching around the younger woman’s head, her back arching off the bed as she flung her head back. Her fingers slowly relaxed; pulling her up her body to find solace in her lips, tasting herself over the girl’s.

Therese pulled away, just out of reach from Carol’s eager lips. “What happened to staying quiet?”

“I couldn’t… I’m sorry…” Carol panted, recovering from her high, fading back into reality, feeling Therese’s hand caress down her nude side.

“You know what that means don’t you?” Therese said, her fingers dancing through the soft blonde curls on Carol’s mound before venturing further. “It means you’re going to have to be punished.” She circled Carol’s centre teasingly, dipping in barely a centimetre before pulling out, hearing Carol moan.

“Oh angel, don’t tease… I’m sensitive.”

Therese’s hand travelled higher, making a few tight circles on her clit, hearing Carol’s sharp breaths, before stopping and returning to tease further down. “Oh, but that’s your punishment. You should have stayed quiet…”

“You’re a little minx you know that? A teasing little m- Therese!” She called, as she felt two fingers swiftly enter her at a rapid pace, taking her from cooling down to burning hot. Carol’s body couldn’t take it, pulling Therese into towards as the brunette’s hand pumped furiously, the palm hitting her clit each time.

“I can feel you tensing already…” Therese said, picking up her speed further making Carol yelp, biting down into Therese’s shoulder, her body shaking with lust.

“Oh… my, I can’t Therese…. I can’t, fucking hell.” Carol gasped, pushing her away but pulling her closer at the same time.

“You can’t what, baby?” Curling her finger’s upwards as the blonde’s velvety walls clenched around her.

“I can’t… SHIT!” She said as he sentence was interrupted by a stinging slap to her ass which tumbled into sharp pleasure. “I can’t cum- I can’t cum again… it’s too much.”

“Your body is telling me differently, look how it’s twisting between us, how your hips are pushing into me.” Carol glanced down between their bodies briefly, seeing Therese’s hand driving her closer and closer, taking her body furiously. The sight was too much as she pulled the brunette’s head back down to kiss her, Therese’s hand copying the movements of her hand, kissing her hard, and passionately. “C’mon baby.”

“Therese…” Carol breathed, as Therese kissed down her perspiring chest, over the slopes of her breast, nuzzling her nipple before biting softly.

It was like an override, wiping all the data clean, as Carol’s body began tense. Therese’s head moved back up next to her, whispering on her lips. “I want you to cum… cum for me, Carol.”

And as her eyes involuntarily screwed shut, her legs wrapping around Therese’s frame, a rush of liquid hit the pulsating hand and Carol screamed her court’s name, being cut off by her the brunette’s mouth on her own. Her muscles burned as they contracted, her abdomen, twitching with heat. “Fucking hell.”

It took Carol a few minutes to climb down from her orgasm which had wrapped itself around her whole body in tendrils, filling all of her senses, and when she pried her eyes open, Therese was panting on her chest, sweaty and exhausted. She rested her hand upon the brown locks, brushing through softly as the stars in her vision slowly disappeared. “I told you I would get you back.” Carol smirked as the brunette kissed the tops of her breasts lightly before relaxing again, her mind remembering the promise on the train which felt so long ago. “I can hear you heart…” Therese panted, her body rising and falling as Carol breathed.

“I’m surprised you can’t feel it thumping against my ribcage…”

“Oh I can…” Therese smiled against the creamy chest, feeling the vibrations of Carol’s laugh reverb through her body. “So much for being quiet…”

“Ok, I could have been quiet the first time but the _second_? I’ve never came so hard in my life!”

Therese propped her chin on Carol’s breast plate so she could look at the blonde, their bodies entwined on top of the sheets. “What can I say, I can’t help myself when I’m around you. Plus something tells me you wanted to be punished.”

“Therese Belivet. Whatever do you mean?” Carol smiled into their kiss, her limp arms struggling to wrap around Carol as her body was still so weak. The brunette slid off her, pulling the sheets up around them, the clothes scattered around their bed. After their passionate reunion at the train station, they had barely made it home, running past Mrs R in the kitchen, Carol taking Therese as soon as she had gotten through the door. “How are we ever going to stop…?”

“Who said we had to?” Therese said pinching Carol’s nipple

“The throbbing in pussy is telling me to wait an hour.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a dark day’s tale.” The brunette nipped at Carol jaw, kneading her breast, until Carol took her hand in one palm and her chin in the other, pushing her back onto the bed, straddling her hips.

“What the fuck am I going to do with you…? Hm?”

“I’m pretty sure we both know the answer to that one 13.”

“I know isn’t it awful?” Carol asked, nipping Therese’s lips before kissing them, pushing her tongue to dance along the brunette’s, kissing lower and lower until she sent a swift swipe up her centre.

“Carol!”

///

They laid silently, just breathing and holding one another, languidly kissing, cuddling, placing tempting love bites. Therese whispered against Carol’s lips. “Tell me something about yourself. Anything…”

“I’m pretty sure you know more about me than anyone else at this point.” Carol said, nuzzling her nose with Therese’s.

“I want to know more.”

“Well…” Carol started feeling Therese pull her onto her front, the sheets pooling around her ass as she felt fingers slowly caress hidden words and patterns on her back. It was the most soothing thing she had felt in the world. “You’re the only person who has stayed at my house overnight…”

“Really, what about Harge, Abby?”

“Abby lives down the road and I moved to my house after Harge.”

“Well you are the only person that I’ve given the passcode to my room for.” Last week Therese had shown Carol the silver shimmering tattoo on the bottom of her foot. She remembered doing so vividly because the blonde had brushed her finger over it and elicited a giggle from Therese. A sound that was rarely heard. But it was like music to Carol’s ears. So she had tickled her to the bed until she couldn’t breathe. Therese remembered that moment fondly.

“Really?” Therese hummed yes. “Well…” Carol looked up at Therese. “Would it be too soon if I added your handprint to my place?” Carol searched the unchanging green orbs, waiting for a response, getting nervous when she didn’t receive a reply. “At least this way you wouldn’t freeze on the doorstep or- or- or”

“It wouldn’t be too soon. Not at all… Thank you Carol… although, talking about too soon-” She saw the grey eyes widen in fear. “Oh no, nothing bad I promise. I’m just asking… do you feel… this…?”

“This pull, between us? I'd had a little feeling of destiny. Because, you see, there's always a definite reason somewhere. There are no accidents - And I feel as though we were… fated to be together. That the numbers would fall just right. That I would come here on the right day. That you looked up at exactly the right moment. Tell me to stop any minute…”

“No. Keep going. I like it.” Therese said, feeling as though Carol was taking the words straight from her mouth.

“Why do I not know what _it_ is? Why do I feel this way?” She saw Therese smile in recognition, which only confused her. “What?”

“Oh nothing… it’s just you said that. The night of the party, when I was putting you to bed. Did you feel this then too? Even then?” The brunette said, never breaking contact with the stormy grey eyes that looked at her with such candour.

“Yes, I have… It all happened in that instant our eyes met - you at the table, watching me. Then the realisation that so much had happened after our meeting makes me feel incredibly _lucky_ , suddenly.”

Therese couldn’t have put it better herself. “Even though we are _fated to be_?”

“I know it makes little sense. But the way I feel makes little sense too.” The blonde whispered, not really knowing why, when in truth it was because she was vulnerable.

Therese contemplated, just like she been doing so from the second she had seen Carol. “If I managed to put it in the words, would you say it back?”

“Yes, yes I would.” Carol whispered, the fingers tracing on her back now repeating the pattern that they had been for the past few minutes. Drawings from the clockwork of Therese’s brain. She watched a tear fall down the brunette’s cheek, almost unwillingly. She made no effort to wipe it away, as she studied it, along with the expression of her court’s face.

It was fearful, but confused, even though it displayed complete understanding. Carol wished she could decipher it, and when she was sure she couldn’t, she decided to let her mind numb as the trails on her back repeated. But something wouldn’t let her brain slip into reverie. Maybe it was the look in Therese’s eyes. Asking her… willing her to understand.

_But understand what?!_

And a minute later, when she looked through the concerned face and finally decrypted the code, she understood that Therese had been telling her all along. Her back stiffened and Therese knew the blonde had finally clicked. “Do you understand?”

“I understand…” Carol said slowly, the insight hit her like a tonne of bricks.

///

_Basic Symptoms:_

  1. _Overly affectionate displays of affection that is not for sexual pleasure and release, a thank you or for contribution._
  2. _The need to do anything and everything for a particular person unless pregnant._
  3. _Constantly needing contact, physical or verbal, with a particular person._
  4. _A want for more than one child._
  5. _Emotional instability/dependency around a particular person or over said person._
  6. _Over protectiveness/ possessiveness. Includes children._
  7. _The inability to stop thinking of or mentioning said person._
  8. _Happiness depending on someone else’s happiness._
  9. _An inexplicable feeling inside which draws you to a person and makes you do irrational and radical actions._
  10. _Believing ‘Love’ is not a deadly disease._



///

 Carol felt moronic for not connecting the dots quicker but thankful that Therese had. “Do you hate me, Carol?”

“Don’t you know that _I_ _love_ _you_?” There were three words Therese had been tracing over and over on the contours of her back, the ‘I’ starting at the nape of her neck, ‘love’ adorning her spine and finishing with the ‘you’ in the small of her back. They looked at each other with complete understanding. Finally both on the same page, as the three words had explained all their emotions entirely. “I’m just… scared, Therese…” Carol whispered, twin tears now falling down her cheeks.

“I am too… but this is ours. And ours alone… I love you, Carol.” She said, kissing the tear drops away. “And I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out. But from the moment I saw you  - I…” She sighed. “How is it possible to be afraid and in love... They don’t go together. How is it possible to be afraid, when we grow stronger together every day? And every night. Every night is different, and every morning.”

“But it’s worth it… all of it is worth it if I get to feel like this about you, every day – this is what we have that no one else does – and I wouldn’t change it for anything… This… _love_ it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s nothing like the disease we fear. It may be the disease talking, but deep down I know it’s me.”

Therese pulled Carol close, shakily breathing into the crook of her neck; she was laughing in relief until the staccato breaths turned into relieved tears, a mixture of sadness about their predicament but also ecstatic that she had found this huge sense of belonging with someone. Therese was afraid of losing, anything and anyone, she didn’t want that responsibility. But she loved Carol, and those three little words had solidified everything for the Brunel. She was never going to lose Carol.

Even if it killed her. She would never lose Carol.

Carol pulled back to take Therese’s face in her hands and the brunette tried to blink back the tears  but was unable to stop herself from nuzzling into the two hands that held her. She cried freely and Carol wiped them as they rolled down her cheeks to be collected by the pads of her thumbs, the liquid soaking into the paths of her fingerprints. The blonde shakily kissed her and Therese cried into it.

It was a kiss of happiness. It was a kiss of death. It didn’t go any further than lips pressing on another pair that trembled. But it came from the pit of their hearts. That pit that could either be filled with euphoria, or drained by emotional agony. But neither cared that they floated in the middle of this pitch black pit, because they could see each other; feel each other; know they weren’t alone. And even if this feeling was dangerous - the sense they could sink to the bottom if caught - it was worth it for the slightest chance they could float through the air, and rise to the top.

Therese tucked her head under her lover’s, finding home in the contours of her neck, so close to the beating pulse which was in sync with her own, even fluctuating in harmony. She felt Carol’s arms wrap around her, pull her closer, not caring if their positioning was slightly uncomfortable, everything was numbed out by the need to be so close that not even a thin layer of atoms rested between them.

Carol rested her head on top of Therese’s, tightening her grasp ever so slightly as her head screamed at her, clawing at the impenetrable walls of her heart for being so stupid - punching at them, lashing out relentlessly - but she didn’t care. It was warm inside of her heart with Therese floating next to her. It was warm and effortlessly perfect, a stark contrast to the constricted world they lived in. In this moment she was free. Free to dream and love. All with Therese.

Therese. Her angel. How improbable and nearly impossible their circumstances had been. How they had managed to find each other. How they had managed to fall head over heels in love, tumbling mercilessly and blissfully ignorant until minutes ago when they had flown off the edge, grasping onto each other as the descended into free fall. Through the dark abyss and into the light.

“Flung out of space.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are now officially now allowed to use the 'L' word. 
> 
> A lot happened in this chapter! And only more happens from here on out!  
> Don't leave me hanging. I'll see you down below :)
> 
> PS - It probably would have made more sense to post this yesterday... fuck...


	20. Ephemeral Limerence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ephemeral - lasting for a very short time.  
> Limerence - a state of being infatuated with another person

_One week later…_

“Therese you’re actually crazy.” Carol said, staring in awe.

“You like it?” Therese said looking at nothing but the blonde.

Carol leaned back into the brunette. “I love it!” The words still made butterflies, flap their wings in Therese’s stomach. “But how did you get it here? Where did it come from?”

“Dannie, Jen, Phil and I have been building it on our Saturdays. I paid for all the material over a long period of time. Out here work is pretty flexible, as long as the farm runs smoothly, so we get all our work done for Friday and work on this on Saturdays. Yesterday afternoon, we moved it down here on a wide load truck…”

Carol looked back to the small cabin, just wondering if there was anything Therese couldn’t do. That afternoon, after finishing all the jobs around the farm, Therese had insisted on going out to the lake and Carol agreed, she thought it was beautiful out there and thought the addition to the view was rather fitting.

“Is that why you were so exhausted last night?”

“Yes, and thank you for making dinner. Again it was lovely and we were all so tired.”

“It was the least I could do. I would have cooked more if I’d known all day you were manoeuvring… _This_. Have I said that you’re crazy?”

“Once or twice… I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Carol kissed Therese softly.

“You want to go in?” Carol nodded and was surprised to see that inside, there was a few shelves. A small chimnea connected inside and a turned down bed. “Wow, I guess you literally just have essentials. I like it. It’s homey.”

“Yeah we had it all flat packed. It isn’t much, but the synthetic sealant will keep it together. It’s water proof. Just next to the lake…” Carol wrapped her arms around Therese from behind kissing up her neck.

“And… has it been, christened yet?”

“No… not yet.” Therese turned around in the blonde’s hold. “You are so fucking sexy, you know that? Sexy and insatiable.”

“Well, I see you, a bed, and a warm room with a beautiful view. I can’t help myself.”

///

An hour later both women fell to the sheets completely exhausted. “So…” Carol panted. “Want to go for a swim?” Therese smiled up at the ceiling, chuckling into the air.

“What did you say last week? We had to wait an hour so my pussy could stop throbbing?”

“And I remember you saying that was a dark day’s tale.” Therese kissed Carol, longingly, drawing out each kiss, the sound the only ones in the room until Carol abruptly sat up.

“Shit!”

“What?!” Therese bolted up right.

One of Carol’s hands clutched at her hair, the other keeping up her sheet. “I can’t believe I forgot! How could you let me forget?!”

“What? What is it, Carol? You’re scaring me!” She said rubbing the blonde’s back, trying to get her to calm down.

“It’s your birthday in just over a week!”

Therese sighed with relief, flumping back down to the sheets, annoyed that she had gotten so worried. “Oh… I forgot you knew when my birthday was. ”

“Oh? What do you mean ‘oh’? What are you going to do?” Carol asked excitedly, ignoring the blank face Therese kept.

“I don’t do birthdays… well not my own anyway.”

“Of course she doesn’t do birthdays. Why not?!”

“The only ones I’ve ever had were the ones my mother and father gave me. Even then they were inside the house. Presents would be meagre. I just didn’t really want the big parties and presents everyone else used to fawn over.”

“… It’s ok. We don’t have to do anything. But I would like to spend it with you… We could bake a cake. Come out here. Eat some cake. Pick up some _hay._ ”

“P- _Pick up some hay?_ ” Carol nodded slowly, biting her lip. “That actually doesn’t sound too bad, 13. Look at us growing old together.”

“Darling we are both far from old. I’ll be turning twenty six. You’ll be twenty-” Carol stopped in her tracks, the colour draining from her face as she looked away from Therese.

“Carol as much as I love you, I have to tell you that I’m already twenty.” Therese joked trying to make the blonde feel better but Carol didn’t move. “It’s ok, it’s just a mistake. Carol. Carol?”

Carol scoffed, looking anywhere but Therese as tears threatened to fall. “You’re going to be twenty one…” The blonde blinked slowly, letting the tears stream down her face. She slipped on her pants and shirt, leaving her trousers where they lay and left.

Therese looked after the blonde, watching her through the window, walk across the pebbled beach, slowly and calmly fall to her bare knees. Therese slipped on her shirt and pants, opening the door of the cabin to walk over to Carol, but a long, raw, pained scream tore through the air as Carol’s grief clawed out of her mouth and flew to the sky, bouncing off the mountains of the valley, birds flying out of trees.

When the scream hit her, so did the realisation. It was like an invisible forced had knocked the air out of her. She looked up to the skies that Carol had screamed to, whispering to any God that was listening “The Cure…” Therese was going to be twenty one. And she would receive her re-dose of the cure taking away all emotions for a few days and then love, permanently.

She lowered her watery gaze from the clear, orange and pink washed skies overhead to the blonde who was furiously picking up pebbles and launching them into the still lake, causing ripples to stretch out over its surface.

Therese started to walk towards her court, her breath uneven as she couldn’t comprehend that she was going to lose everything… again, watching the blonde clumsily get to her feet, wobbling like a new born deer, throwing rocks into the dark blue abyss with all her might, screaming when she ran out to pick up more and throw them at it. On her last rock she threw with such might that it threw her own body to the ground too as she wept, wetting the dry pebbles below with tears, crossing her arms over the top of her head and letting her fingers pull at the blonde locks as she tried to wrack her brain. Gutturally roaring to the valley when it gave her nothing. “NO!!!”

“…carol…” Therese whispered slowly making her body walk closer, as her own legs weren’t stable, her tears glistening in the light, looking like drops of honey in the sunset.

“NO! No! No! No! No! NO!!!” Carol said, throwing another innocent rock into the cool lake, flinging her body back as she did to sit on the pebbles with her hands on her head, rocking between her legs as she tried to comprehend that she only had 9 days left with Therese, and when the setting sun disappeared behind the mountain it would be 8.

Therese dropped to her knees behind Carol, her eyes making her vision blurry but in the crouched, anxious position the blonde was sat in she knew she wasn’t alone in her sorrow. “…carol…” She said softly, placing a palm on the blonde’s back but she jumped to her unsteady feet again, pelting rocks out to the water that mirrored the brute force of her pain. Therese stood behind the raging blonde catching the hand that was going to throw the next smooth stone.

Carol’s black eyes softened back into grey as she saw Therese, the red that rimmed them reflecting Therese’s, but seeing her court only made things worse as she was reminded of what she was about to lose. Her heart hurt. It physically ached inside her chest, the small holes being burnt into the sides of it with each memory she had of Therese but it was like the brunette was in all of them. In each memory there was something that would remind her of her court, making the pain excruciating.

“…carol…” Even the sound of Therese saying her voice hurt, because of all the times she had said it before. Angry, sad, caring, drunk, lustful or loving. But this, this was mournful. The blonde snatched her arm back, throwing the rock. Needing to physically take her anger out. Her anger for the whole system. For her own feelings. For the fucking stars that had aligned just so, cursing them… Carol found it slightly amusing how closely fate and doom were linked.

She went to throw another but a hand caught her again. She swung round, pushing it away with her free arm, only for them both to be caught. She fought against Therese’s grasp, trying to pull away, but Therese’s surprising strength not allowing her to. “Let go, Therese. Let go!” But the brunette held her firmly.

Carol struggled again, trying to pull herself away, failing miserably as Therese’s biceps tensed to pull the blonde in slowly. Carol lashed out, using all her might to prevent her weeping body from getting any closer to the fire that was Therese, but when the brunette thought Carol was close enough, she released the thrashing arms, using her now free ones to wrap around Carol’s back, and pulling the sobbing blonde into her chest and under her chin, letting her body take the blows as tears streamed, and her court calmed, crying into her chest.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Carol cried, straightening up after a while.

“It’s ok… nothing to be sorry for…” Therese stated calmly. Carol could see that the steel walls were thicker than ever. When vulnerable, Carol’s walls crumbled, but Therese’s only got stronger and thicker. And the blank solemn look on the brunette’s face told the blonde that they were as tall as the skyscrapers in the city.

“No… no don’t say that… Don’t.” Carol said, a little calmer, trying to reach into her court and pull her back to her.

“Then what do you want me to say?! Do you want me to say that throwing shit at lakes will do nothing to stop the fact that I’m going to be 21 in a week? That I let myself have something again, and look how it turned out? That I told you _I loved you_ and now, even _that_ is being ripped out from underneath my feet like _everything_ that I have ever cared about? That the thought of being gone and the old, emotionless Therese will looking you in the eye won’t feel _this_ …?” Therese paused for breath composing herself, as she saw a slight fear in them. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Carol-“

“Don’t apologise. There’s nothing to be sorry for…” Carol tightened her grasp on Therese’s waist.

“But what are we going to do?” Therese asked looking up at her court.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything we can do.”

“Can’t… can’t we ask Abby to do it? Swap out the fluid?”

“Abby, works in emergency… Plus what would we tell her? We’re in love and don’t want to be exiled?”

“Well then I won’t go.” Therese’s eyes glimmered, and Carol brought both of her hands to cup her love’s face.

“You have to. They’ll question you, and you heard what Tommy said, you’re already a feral in their eyes with a 100% match. You’ll be exiled quicker than you can blink.”

“Then… there has to be something.”

“There is…” Therese looked up, a spark of hope in her eye even though everything in her life had told her to abandon the idea of hope. “You get the shot Therese.”

The brunette shrugged out of her hold. “What?!”

“You’ve overcome it once you can do it again, I know you can… I did it for you. We are fated remember… We will power through-”

“Carol the re-dose is even more potent. Don’t you remember yours?”

Carol did, she hadn’t felt anything for anyone for days, and when she got over the emotionless stage, she had slipped back into the average model citizen routine.

“Yes, but it broke the moment I saw you… we have to have faith.”

“Have faith? Have _faith_? I have been chewed up and spat out of this system Carol once, and I have little faith that this time, it will let me out without a scratch.”

“We’ll work something out because I love you… I love you Therese.” Carol leaned down, softly placing her trembling lips on Therese’s, kissing her delicately, feeling the walls crumble around them before pulling back.

“I love you too, Carol.”

///

It had been a restless night that night. Neither of them had slept. They had just kissed, cuddled, talked and made love, until the sun began to peek through the windows. They unwillingly fell asleep, as close as possible, each limb entwined, no piece of skin not touching its mate’s. They breathed as one as the sun came up. And they stayed as one as the sun set, only reluctantly parting ways when Carol had to go back to the city, where she was scolded by her superiors so she faked illness. They threatened the Furniture job but at the time she couldn’t care less as she looked round her frightfully empty office, dreading what she would be losing when the next Tuesday came.

She told her superiors that she would be taking the Tuesday off for her court’s medical procedure, and they weren’t very happy at all but again it was the last thing she could think of.

Carol and Therese spoke every night. Either on text, over the phone or holo-calling. Thursday came around and Carol was walking back to her house from the station, happy that she was going to call Therese but still tinged with sadness. She looked towards her house and Therese was sat on her doorstep, just like she had been a couple weeks ago, but this time she had no overnight bag and was still muddy from the farm, with tears in her eyes and streaks down her face from where it had mixed with the dirt.

Carol sighed, relieved to see her, taking the brunette into her arms and through the front door. They made love slowly, relishing every second of it, whispering sweet nothings until they were both sated and Carol had her head rested on her lover’s chest.  “Promise me Carol…” Therese said softly, breaking the silence. “Promise me, that if I don’t come back, if _this_ doesn’t comeback you will leave me Carol. That you will forget about me.”

Carol looked up into the green eyes she adored. “Therese I can’t promi-“

“Promise me - I need you to - Please.” Therese pleaded. “Do you know how horrible it is for me knowing that this feeling may never come back and that you will have to suffer through a mundane relationship where I don’t feel the same way you do? Do you know how much it’s eating me alive that I can’t do anything about it?”

“Therese-”

“Please… if you love me at all. This me. Not the version of myself that can’t feel this alive when looking into those stormy grey eyes of yours, then promise that you will leave.”

“I can’t…” Carol’s voice broke as her tears hit Therese’s chest. “I won’t.”

“You’ll find someone. I swear. Someone who can hold a baby; who doesn’t have a brother; who looks after you better than I ever could. Staying with me will only make it hurt more, and I can’t bear the thought of it. Promise me Carol…”

“…I…I promise.” Therese took Carol’s face in her hands, kissing each damp eye lid softly pulling the blonde closer and cuddling her nose into the blonde locks, breathing in each strands scent. The intoxicating scent of Carol. She remembered when she had first smelt it. How the smell had now come to make her feel safe and warm. Loved. And because of that she refused in letting the tears fall.

///

Therese left the next morning, not letting Carol be late, dropping her off at work with a passionate private and concealed kiss before she departed.

Therese could barely strain through her day at work. Even Hugo could sense something was wrong, so she ventured out to Dannie’s, calling him off his work to come and share hers as she didn’t feel like being alone.

“So…” Dannie said riding next to Therese on Ginger as they rode to get fire wood. “What’s the matter?”

“Just because I want to spend time with you, something has to be wrong?”

“Yep. Otherwise you would have dragged me to the pub, not to keep you company. Spill.”

“Nothing is wrong Dannie, I just didn’t feel like doing this alone today. Plus I haven’t seen you in a while so I thought why not?” She said, looking out into the fields, her body swaying as Hugo walked.

“Is this because of the fight you had with Jen a while back. I know you guys are on talking terms but it’s still a little frosty.”

“No… Jen said nothing wrong, she was just being reasonable, I was out of order.”

“Ok, now there’s definitely something up. You’ve admitted you were wrong… C’mon Therese, don’t make me pry it out of you…” He said steering ginger into Hugo, trying to pull out a smile which seemed six feet under.

Therese tightened her grip on the reins. “… I don’t… I don’t know how much longer Carol and I will last.”

“What?! Don’t you like her?”

“Of course! What a question! Like asking me if I believe in ‘All’… I just… I don’t think we are going to be compatible for much longer and it’s beginning to scare me a little. To go back to normal. To everyday life. Not showing her around the farm, or getting taught how to cook. Not travelling to the city to take her at her doorstep.”

“Woah – Too much information.” This pulled the first smile out of Therese in days. “Then why are you here mopping? Spend these last couple of days to the fullest, even if you think it won’t last long. If you leave it now you may as well be split already…”

“You’re right… Thanks Dannie…”

“Anytime T.”

///

Carol had come to see Therese on Saturday evening. They had spent Sunday like they usually did. Doing jobs round the farm, eating lunch in the sun, spending time with Therese’s friends in the bar, before going back to the house in the evening.

When Monday morning came Therese decided to take a rest day, following Carol back to the city. They didn’t have much time together that morning but they had shared breakfast. Therese had gotten extremely lonely round the house so had walked over to Abby’s and Gen’s. Gen and Daisy were in thankfully and they let her in, happy to have a visitor.

“So what are you doing here on a Monday? Carol’s at work. Shouldn’t you be?” Gen was very direct, and it was exactly what Therese needed.

“You know, I’m turning 21 soon and I’m going to be a little dormant for a while. I’m feeling a little ill so I’m saving my strength so I can still have my Cure. Anyway I thought I would say hi.” Therese accepted the cup of coffee Gen had given her, which had a dash of something that shouldn’t really be acceptable for the time in the day it was but neither of them really cared. Time had already been a bitch to Therese, so she wasn’t going to give a fuck about it anymore.

“Fair enough. You know Carol mentioned in passing that you weren’t awfully fond of children. Sorry for dumping Daisy on you a couple weeks ago.”

“She did?” She remembered the fear well but Gen was her mother. “Well, Daisy is a delight. It was no trouble. Rea-“

“It’s okay Therese. I hated children too, well before I had one.” Gen cut her off.

“You did?” Therese said a little relieved.

“Yes, was scared shitless. Whenever someone handed me one or brought it up. I would swiftly dodge the question. And then one day I was walking down the street and I saw a child and wanted one immediately. Like a switch went off in my brain. And not to SEEC or to be a happier citizen, but just because I wanted one. Soon after I met Abby and it was full steam ahead. And now I have this little wonder.”

A thought occurred to Therese. “Do you know if Carol has ever wanted a child?” She had always been too scared to ask.

“Has Carol ever _wanted_ a _child_? Therese is the _sky_ _blue_? Why do you think she takes Daisy so much? That woman is as good with children as a fish is breathing in water. She fawns over them. If it wasn’t for the one child rule I’m sure she would have seven. She wouldn’t need to be infected with love, she is just naturally good with children. I remember when I was pregnant, she was there for me more than Abby was.”

Therese’s heart began to beat a little quicker. “She was?”

“Scares the shit out of you doesn’t it?” Gen read her like a book.

Therese’s breath was shaky. “Yeah…”

“Well you have time.”

“Yeah...” Less than 24 hours.

“You don’t say much do you?” Therese chuckled into her coffee. “What was your childhood like?” The forwardness of the question didn’t really bother Therese, at least Genevieve said what she was thinking. “I know you’re feral. I don’t care. You can’t help it. I actually think it is quite derogatory to single you out, but I’m curious.”

“Lonely. Happy, but lonely. I swear I spent so much time as a child sat in that house alone… that parts of my childhood are just missing. But I would sit for 8 years in solitude all over again to see my parents for just a few minutes.” She watched the froth twirl on the top of her coffee getting a little lost in it.

“Do you think there is anyone out there in the wild?”

Therese looked up from her mug. The wild was rarely spoken about, but at the moment she didn’t really care about social rules. “There has to be…”

“I agree…”

///

17/04/56

“Here we are…”

“Here we are…” Therese repeated as they stood outside the bureau, hand in hand. “I…I don’t want to go in.” Therese chuckled nervously. “The last time I was here I was 5 years ago to this day. I answered 316 questions and it lead me to you…My 100%...”

Carol kissed her softly whispering, “Happy Birthday Darling… I got you something.”

“Oh Carol, you shouldn’t have.” Therese said sincerely as she was handed a small wrapped box, she unwrapped it carefully pulling out a photo frame.

“Well I wanted to. I wanted you to have this… this will go fine. But if it doesn’t then you’ll always have this and maybe, sometime in t-the future… y-you’ll pick it up-p… and…and be reminded of me-e.” Carol held her head back, not wanting to let the tears fall as Therese turned on the frame.

It was a photo of them at the party, before everything headed downhill. She swiped right and in this one they were kissing. The more swipes the more memories she had found. The photos from their first time in the city together and they had sat in that photo booth. Their day in the flower field. Carol in front of the valley, both of them smiling happily at one another, a time lapse of photos as they looked down at the lake, wrapped up in one another, kissing and caressing, arms stretched as they flew in the wind. Therese’s nose was still bruised in those ones.

The next few were from the bar, all of them stood in front of the dart board, Carol stood with Therese’s arms around her waist and a hand covering hers teaching her how to throw. There were ones of them under Therese’s blankets cuddled up and warm. Ones at Carol’s apartment. A few with Therese and Daisy that Carol had snuck. It was an album of their time together. By the lake, one of the cabin. One of Carol on a quadbike. A picture of the as they rode Therese’s motorbike. Therese swiped to the last photo.

It was the two of them on the swing in the secret garden. Their lips brushing but not kissing, their foreheads resting upon each other’s as they looked into one another’s eyes. A lingering hand on Carol’s thigh and Carol’s on top of that, the fairy lights and flowers framing them. Fred had sent the stolen moment to Carol a few days after the party.

Therese let her tears fall onto the frame before taking Carol into her arms. “I love you. So much. Never forget that.” She whispered directly into the blonde’s ear.

“I promise…I love you.” Carol tilted her head so that she could kiss Therese, trying to push all her passion, lust, sadness, euphoria, longing and love into it, never wanting to let go. But when they finally parted, to regain their breaths they knew it was now or never. With the frame in Therese’s hand and Carol’s hand in the other, they walked in, knowing that it wouldn’t be the same when they walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's one of my fics. Don't kid yourself. You knew the fluff wouldn't last forever
> 
> Neither Carol or Therese will walk out of that building the same as they were when they walked in... I'm about to shake up their fictional lives.


	21. Deadly Harbingers

 “Miss Belivet, welcome… I assume you’re here for you re-dose. This must be a wonderful day.”

“… _joyous…_ ” Therese said through gritted teeth, the nasal voice of the woman sliding her way out from behind the desk, making her grasp Carol’s hand a little harder, as she had a massive urge to slap her. Carol lived and worked very close to the centre of the city. This Bureau was one of the largest in the country, each floor of the skyscraper dedicated to a certain task. It was aptly named the Centre.

“Right, I will be accompanying you today at all the stops you’ll have to make today. I’m Doctor Nagy.”

“If you are a doctor why aren’t you in blue?” Therese questioned a little sceptically.

“My doctorate is in psychology not medicine Miss Belivet. And you Miss?” She said, turning her attention to Carol. “Are you a Mate?”

“No… Court…” Carol said, shaking the Dr Nagy’s hand. Therese thought she had seen the doctor’s eyes flutter to hers and Carol’s joined hands but the doctor had already turned, asking them to follow her into a small examine room.

“Please change in here into this hospital gown put your belongings and clothes in this drawstring bag, it will be returned to you shortly. Now you should be familiar with the procedure, but, as the person in charge of your cure, and mental wellbeing, I was formally required to read your file, and therefore must talk you through what will happen.” Carol could see Therese tensing already, her eyes darting round the room as the doctor seemed to study her.

“My file…” Therese had barely told Carol everything. She had told Carol more about her past than anyone else. But that file, the one that doctor Nagy just carelessly read through, that had more information about her childhood than even she knew. “Sure… What do I need to know?”

“So obviously as a hidden feral, your shot wasn’t administered until much later. Was it 8 years old?”

Therese stared at a spot on the floor, feeling like a child. The situation reminded her of when she was first given to her foster family, being constantly questioned about her life, how she was, what she felt, personal things that she wasn’t comfortable with. “Yes.”

“So, there will be a few minor changes in today’s process, which unfortunately means that your court cannot be in the room whilst it is done-“

“Why not?” Carol interrupted saying Therese’s thoughts aloud, quickly holding her tongue. Her efforts to come across as unsuspicious were poor, and she didn’t miss the way the doctor looked her up and down.

“It’s alright to be nervous. I know that having the procedure done correctly is very important to the both of you. Love is very dangerous and we all know the consequences. Miss Ross, this is for Therese’s safety we promise…” Carol looked to Therese.

_It’s ok… I will get her back… I will._

She had no choice but to nod. “Ok then. So because your last injection was late, you have a higher chance of developing love. Therefore the simple injection to the spinal fluid will unfortunately not suffice. We will have to inject you at certain point down your spinal cord. This way it will slowly spread throughout your nervous system, eliminating any possibility.”

“So how many injections is that?” Therese asked out of general curiosity.

“8. One in the sacrum, two in the lumbar, three in your thoracic and another two in your cervical.” She said, pointing to the injection points on a diagram of vertebrae.

Therese nodded a little nervously. “Alright. And they have the same effects?”

“The same effects…Now I’m going to leave you two alone for a little while. Therese if you could change into this hospital gown, fill the bag and this questionnaire. I’ll should be with you shortly.”

Therese nodded once more, never really being a huge fan of words in front of strangers, but once the doctor left, her eyes screamed paragraphs.

Carol read them all carefully as she folded Therese’s clothes. Therese turned around for Carol to do up the back, and she took her time so she could whisper inconspicuously. “Angel, we can still make a run for it…”

“And go where Carol? We’d be shot on sight… Either that or I would be inoculated and you would be exiled. Either way that puts you in danger. The first day I met you, you made me promise that you would be safe.”

The memory flashed through Carol’s held, the vision of Therese holding a tentative hand out, remembering how nervous but sure she was when taking it, feeling that spark.  She smiled sadly. “I meant the motorbike Therese.”

“Yes, well I didn’t… I promised Carol… and I will keep that promise. Just like you will keep yours.” Therese said, turning round to Carol in her baggy gown. She pressed a quick kiss to the blonde’s lips that made her beg for more but doctor Nagy interrupted their quiet moment.

“Right ok. Therese if you will come with me. And Carol the waiting room is just down on the left.” Carol turned to her lover, placing a hand over Therese’s heart hoping to physically press her love through her chest and the brunette had to fight back the tears, the ones that had only started to appear when she met Carol. Everything she was now, was associated with the blonde that stood in front of her.

“I’ll see you soon. Maybe after this, we can get ice cream. To celebrate. Or coffee at that shop just round the corner from your work place.” Therese said smiling, her dimples deepening, wanting what may be the last time she saw the blonde to be her smiling.

“That would delightful, Angel…” Carol smiled rather solemnly before Therese was walked out, hanging her head and forcing it not to look back but as she rounded the corner, a doctor on either side of her she couldn’t help but look back at the grey, that were trained on her.

_I love you._

///

Carol had been sat in the waiting room for 20 minutes. But it had felt like 20 hours. She had no idea about this type of procedure or who would walk out of that room. She fidgeted in her seat worried that they were currently pushing numerous needles into her lover’s spine, taking out all that she could feel.

Carol could feel were eyes on her, constantly, in the glass box waiting room. The others that sat were fairly silent. Reading paper or flicking through games on their watches. She sighed sitting back in her chair, turning her attention to the outside of the glass cage. _Tommy?_ It must have been her eyes deceiving her because she swore she had just seen Tommy walk across the building, clad in a white jumpsuit. _It can’t be…_

///

“Tommy, good to see you.” The black man in the green suit said in monotone, outstretching his hand for Tommy to shake.

“Thank you Mordred. Likewise.” Tommy replied, shaking it firmly.

Mordred turned to the one way glass. “You were right. They came in.” He said, observing Therese who filled out her questionnaire sat in her operating theatre.

“Yes well, I didn’t place that bug in that cabin for nothing.”

Mordred took a sip of his water, dabbing the edges of his mouth with a forest green napkin. “You’ve done well. I will inform Arthur of your success. He is on his way down here now.”

Tommy’s eyes widened. “Arthur… H-He’s coming here…”

“Yes. 645A is like his pet project. He follows her every move like a hawk. He has some business to finish first. But Carol? He is convinced that she is the key.”

“The key to what?” Tommy asked, watching Mordred smirk softly before angling his head Tommy’s way.

“Oh my dear feral…To the only lock that matters… 645A of course.”

///

“Excuse me?” Carol snapped out of her thoughts, trying to pass off the weird sense of familiarity. It couldn’t have been Tommy, because he wore black and worked at the farm. But her brain was certain. Or was it just playing tricks on her?

“Sorry. How can I help you?” Carol answered politely.

The stranger smiled, straightening his white suit. “I couldn’t help but notice that you look a little nervous. Have you not had yours done yet?”

“I’m sorry?” Carol said, not quite following, her mind still subconsciously on Tommy.

“Your Cure?” He said raising his eyebrows, motioning to his leaflet.

“Yes! Yes of course I have… i-it is my court. She… she is a little different to other people, and anyway, I don’t know how well she might take this. And you? Are you having yours done?”

“Yes soon hopefully.” Carol smiled at him politely turning back to being a nervous wreck until he pulled her out of her bubble once more. “So tell me, what’s your court like?”

“W-Wonderful. She is wonderful.” She smiled, unable to stop it from trembling.

“Yeah? A mate date anywhere on the horizon?” He said lightly, nudging her with his shoulder.

“Well… I don’t know. We are in fairly early stages…” She glanced out of their clear box seeing Tommy walk across the office once more. “– I’m sorry, but I think I just saw someone I knew, would you excuse me for one second-.” The stranger grabbed her arm as she began to rise from her chair.

“-Wait.” He said rather harshly, before it disappeared and his face softened when she looked at him in disgust. She yanked her arm out of his grasp. “Shit, I’m sorry, I was just trying to calm you down, honestly. You looked a little nervous is all-” He tried but Carol was already heading for the door to follow the man she was sure she knew to the men’s bathroom.

“Yes, well. Excuse me sir. I’m just fine. Goodbye.” The stranger sighed, watching her storm out of the room, and head in the way Tommy had walked. He double tapped his watch bringing the holographic call to wrap around his ear so no one else could hear it.

“Yes. This is Gawain. – No she just left. She took the bait. – Heading after Tommy now. Men’s toilet, just by the waiting room. Have the people ready. – Yes Arthur. As you wish.” He closed the call, gesturing to the man who sat opposite him. “C’mon Galahad, it’s about to get interesting, and I don’t know about you but I need to get out of this white atrocity of a suit. Have them ready ours for the time we get to the conference room. We’re making history. We want to look our best.”

Galahad threw his paper onto the coffee table, undoing his suit button, walking out of the waiting room, following Gawain into the glass elevator, throwing the white suit jacket at the poor Brunel who operated it. “Gawain. Access to Panel floors. Oh and also… burn that jacket, we should never be forced to wear something that hideous.”

The young bell boy nodded, turning his key in the lift, making sure not to make eye contact with his superiors. They reached the barren Panel floors, but Gawain turned to the bell boy, putting an arm between the buttons and his body, boxing him in the corner, taking his shivering chin in between his index finger and thumb, stroking slowly.

“It’s ok, Jamie… You never know… If you’re a good boy, I might promote you to being a runner for me and the rest of the Panel… But if you’re bad… ooh. Let’s just hope you’re bad-“

“Gawain!” He stopped leaning in to the silent bell boy, turning to his interrupter slowly. “Stop playing with your food. We have a lot of work to do.” Galahad sighed, becoming tiresome with Gawain’s advances, stripping off his jacket, throwing it at the nearest person whose attire was not green. “Wash this. And move that bell boy Jamie, to a different elevator for the day. Actually the week. We can’t afford distractions can we Gawain?”

Gawain bit his lip, contemplating before releasing the boy, unbuttoning his shirt and throwing that at Jamie too. “Be a good boy Jamie. I’ll see you later. And Galahad? You’re a prick.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

///

“So… the procedure takes around an hour or two.” Doctor Nagy said, filling a syringe with a clear liquid, flicking to check for air in it, preparing to stick into Therese’s arm.

“Hey what’s that?” She asked rather on edge, the sight of the clear drug making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

“This is a mild sedative, so that you don’t feel the pain from the injections.” She said turning to Therese, lining up the needle, but she shifted away.

“Thanks but I’ll pass.”

“Therese, the process is nothing to be afraid of.”

“Then I won’t need a sedative will I?” She challenged the doctor come to come near her with the needle with a leering expression and nasty snarl so she put down the drug.

“Miss Belivet, not taking this will make the pain unbearable. You could pass out or going into shock. I really think you nee-” Therese saw the call hologram flash around the doctor’s ear. She watched Nagy listening for a minute and then agree to whatever was said. She took off her rubber gloves standing, making her way to the door. “I’m sorry, Therese, but I am no longer in charge of your procedure. Someone else will be in short-”

“What do you mean no longer in charge? What happened?” Therese asked a little annoyed, but her face softened a little when the doctor turned to her a little scared.

“A family emergency-“

“My whole family were exiled, my brother shipped off to another family and we were both thrown into the schooling system the same day, you wouldn’t be let off work without a rest day instated. You’re lying.” Therese interrogated, staring down the woman who was attempting to leave.

“I’m sorry I really do have to go.” She said a little fearfully before rushing out of the door, leaving Therese alone in the theatre, facing the mirror. But the closer she looked at it. _Is the mirror a little distorted?_

///

“Hey! Hey!” Carol called out after Tommy, following him around the corridors until he finally slipped into the men’s. She went through the door without hesitation, ignoring the whines of the few by the urinal. She smashed down each door before she found the locked one.

“Tommy? Tommy I know it’s you, you son of a bitch! Come out here!” There was nothing. “Get out now. I saw you. Strutting around in that white suit you fraud. Now get out here and tell me what’s going on!” She was ignored once more, so she put down her scarlet handbag bracing herself on her back foot before breaking the door open with her shoulder.

She stumbled through the rapidly opening door a little, looking up to see a Tommy holding a gun to her head. “Stay where you are you infected mutt.”

“What? Tommy, what the fuck is happening? What the hell are you on about, just put the gun down.” She raised her hands slowly.

“Oh cut the crap Carol. We know. We all know. We’ve known since the day you met. You two reek of it. But you just had to fall in love with _Therese_ didn’t you. You _had_ to. You could have left. There were plenty opportunities but you had to keep crawling back didn’t you?”

Most of the information was going in but she could barely process it with the barrel of a gun pointed at her head. “What the hell are you on about?” She feigned ignorance. “Just put the gun down Tommy!”

“I guess I should be thanking you. Here I am, I’m going to be a Caesar, and I will look down upon the rest of you with my head held high. The first Caesarean feral. I’m making history. Now, on your knees you-” Carol’s elbow came into contact with Tommy’s jaw as she snatched the gun from his hand, watching him stagger back, using some techniques Therese had taught her day after rolling about in bed, making scenarios, giggling and kissing. But this was real life. And real life really fucking hurt.

“Tommy, I don’t want to hurt you. But what is happening? Where’s Therese?” She said ignoring the pulsing in her arm holding the gun with confidence, pointing it to his face.

“You are in so much deeper than you think with that girl, Carol. You don’t understand. And neither does Therese. But she is part of so much more. And now? So are you… Take her.”

“What? Tom-” Her voice was cut off as a damp cloth clamped over her nose and mouth as three pairs of strong arms pulled her backwards, down to the floor kicking away the gun. She panicked, thrashing out against the men who had been stood at the urinals, look down upon her like she was nothing.

She could feel herself getting dizzy, losing consciousness and vision, and just before she blacked out, Tommy appeared above her with his gun in hand.

“She is the key. But you… _You_ are the key to _her_.”

_Black._

///

“Hey!” Therese had checked the distorted mirror, and it was built into the wall, which led her to believe there were people behind it. She rapped on the hollow reflection. “Hey! I need to get out of here. I just need some air.”

She had tried the door already and it was locked from the outside.

“Can someone open the fucking door? HEY!” She smashed both her hands on the glass, but still nothing happened. She was obviously getting nothing, but she wanted out. And she wanted it now. Her eyes flickered round the room. Looking for anything. Anything at all that could help her break out. When it clicked.

_I don’t need to break out. I need to flush them out…_

///

“What is she doing?” Mordred asked looking at the theatre room through the glass. He gained no response. “Sir, she knows we are looking shouldn’t we go in?”

“No… watch and wait.” They watched the brunette’s eyes dart around the room, around the mirror and back to the room.

She then tested points of the one way glass, applying pressure, and then moving it to another weak point. “Sir, it’s very clear that she’s going to try and smash this glass and she has the equipment to do so. We should intervene or at least vacate this roo-“

“Shhh. Mordred. Watch…” Mordred closed his agape mouth, sighing profusely, turning back to watch the brunette sweep across the room, shoving the appliances away, taking the scalpel from the instruments table before pushing that away too, placing it in her mouth, held tightly between her teeth.

She grabbed looked at the canisters in the corner of the room, reading each label. Before deciding on two. Pulling them out of the corner to the glass, along with a chair she severed their connection to the wall with the scalpel.

“Sir what is she doing?”

“Hush.” He said, leaning into the glass, his nose almost touching it as he observed.

Therese stood on the chair, taking the pipes out of sight before climbing down again. She looked directly into the mirror, at her own face, not knowing that if it was to turn clear she would be met face to face with the devil himself. She turned the gas taps up to maximum, and it was only then Mordred connected the dots, hearing the multiple tanks of nitrogen and carbon dioxide hiss into their room through the connecting vent.

“She’s smart… Just like we knew she would be…” He said, pressing his fingers against the glass, caressing Therese through it. “She’s perfect.”

“Sir we really do need to get out of here.”

“Wait.” Therese picked up her scalpel, scraping words into the mirror. _S.C.A.R.E.D.?_ The man chuckled, leaving the small watching room with Mordred in tow making his way to the door of his prisoner.

///

Therese stared at her own reflection for a few more minutes, her gaze steeled. She would not back down, even if it was just a mirror, but then, she heard a hand being placed on the door and the beep of it unlocking.

She slid the scalpel up her gown sleeve, widening her stance, preparing herself for anything that walked through that door, holding her fists up close to her cheekbones, ready to attack if needed, but as it swung open, and the light was filtered into the dark room, her vision focused and all her walls, every single line of defence came crumbling down.

She physically recoiled as the man began walking towards her, and suddenly she was a child again and all the memories flooded back. Tears sprung to her eyes as he neared, and she backed away. She mindlessly reached behind her for the bed pulling it between them as a barrier but he pushed it away with a swipe of his foot. It wasn’t soon before her back hit the wall and she had nowhere to go but down.

“You’re not real… You can’t be. Get out of my head… GET OUT!”

“Oh… 645A…” He said, his cold voice, mockingly soothing crackling through the air like electric shocks, physically making her flinch as she took in the man of her nightmares. The man with snow white hair and icy blue eyes to match was slowly closing in on her, his presence in reality mixing with her dreams as she almost expected him to pull a gun and shoot her between the eyes like an animal so she could wake up next to Carol once more, but he didn’t he just got closer, making her crawl up into a ball on the floor.

He knelt down when he was close enough, taking her trembling head in his hand, lifting her chin up to look at him. “You’re not real… You aren’t… Get out of my head!” She cried into him, each word caught by his wiry frame.

“Oh… I am very real. And you are remembering. So let me help you. My name is Arthur.” The name hit Therese like a slap to the face along with a rush of new unwanted memories, memories she didn’t remember experiencing. “And 645A… There is no place I would rather be, than in that beautiful head of yours…” He brought a large hand up and cupped her head, stroking it delicately as she trembled. “Nowhere…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So are we getting some ideas or are we getting more confused? ;)


	22. Mellifluous Cries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS PART ONE OF A TWO PART CHAPTER!
> 
> Ok... you can read now...

**3034**

_“Arthur, the new testing is still doing nothing to help the resistance that the population are building to the cure.” Galahad said standing up to address the Panel._

_“I know…” He sighed, the whole problem had been weighing heavily on his mind._

_“The body is adapting. In just under 80 years, every soul in this country will not be effected by it in the slightest. The system will crash, the Panel will be torn apart, and people will start choosing for themselves.” Galahad continued, ignoring Arthur’s slowly building agitation._

_“I know.” He sighed once more, trying to keep his voice eerily calm._

_“We need a new cure and fast. M7905CSH8 is no longer viable… We knew it would only be a matter of time before the body would find a way around it. The new strains have done nothing, we have to make a decision now. Increase the population of Caesar, tip the balance of society and enforce even further.”_

_“Well that could open room for rebellions.” Lancelot cut in, shooting down Galahad’s option._

_“Make a new strain that could potentially strip someone down to a vegetate state.”_

_“And increase possibilities of aneurysms and diseases.” The statistics of recent tests, appeared on the holograms._

_“Or completely upturn the society which has been centuries in the making.” Bedivere snapped. “We cannot wait any longer… Arthur!”_

_“QUIET! All of you!” Arthur said slamming his fist into the round glass table making the holograms and projections flicker a little as he did. “I am aware of the problem and while you lot have been sat on your lazy asses I have been working towards a solution. Please may I present, our resident bio genetics and engineer in Einstein, Doctor Robichek.” A woman with auburn hair stepped into the conference room, a beacon of red in green sea. She stood next to Arthur. “Doctor Robichek, please share your findings with the Panel.”_

_“Of course, Arthur. I have been researching into this problem since I was 16 years old. We found the problem fairly easily. M7905CSH8 is a synthetic protein. It latches onto other proteins and such as dopamine, a vital chemical for love and changes the genetic coding before they are even produce, which is why people are injected at birth when the immune system is weakest and mutations are most probable. When proteins are synthesised they are latched onto by M7905CSH8 to differ the effects of these chemicals, taking away the ability to love, but not to feel joy.”_

_“Yes, we are aware-e.” Bedivere cut in coughing slightly passing it off as nothing._

_“The problem is, the Cure is seen as a virus. And the body rejects it, seeing it as an antibody. Our bodies have now had years to fight against it, the strongest have survived and been the healthiest and most fertile, so the body has succeeded-“_

_“Yes we KNOW!” Gawain snapped, his outburst gaining him many judging looks._

_“Patience… Now we have finally made a breakthrough. Let me present to you subject 387H. This is 387H in the womb. The foetus is male.”_

_“What of it?” Gawain asked._

_“Well, 387H caused his mother havoc, her body reacted to the foetus like a cancer; his birth nearly killed her. And two nearly three years ago, when he was born we did blood tests, because he seemed normal. 387H is the first child born with the cure already running through his veins.”_

_“So what you’re saying is… 387H-“_

_“Has been born with the inability to love. Yes. Now we can’t get too excited, because this will be a very long project. To find a cure or everyone 387H must love, so we can test his brain chemistry, his hormone levels. This way we can build another vaccine which can destroy instead of inhibit the coding without affecting the rest of the body. Even if a resistance was built, and destroyed the cure it would be too late. The chemical formula for love would be gone.”_

_“We did it…” Galahad grinned, clicking the spring in his pen obsessively._

_“Now, I’d like to present the boy that has made all of this possible. But stay quiet on this subject matter please.” She disappeared for a moment, bringing back a boy dressed in black. “Thomas, this is the Panel. And this? This is Arthur.”_

_The gangly brunette boy walked in apprehensively his mother urging him onwards. His glasses were thick and round and he walked with a little bit of a limp. Arthur pushed himself from his chair, kneeling in front of the sickly boy. “Hello young man. My name is Arthur. Doctor Robichek tells me that you are Thomas. Is that right?”_

_“M-My name is Tommy…” The small boy sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his arm._

_“And how old are you Tommy.” He asked softly, the smile reaching his eyes for once in a very long time._

_“I’m 2 and a half.” His voice was weak and small like his body._

_“Right… and what seems to be the problem doctor?”_

_“Tommy has an immune deficiency. Poor eyesight. Frail bones. You get ill a lot don’t you Tommy?” The little boy nodded running back to his mother that was still quite shocked to actually be seeing the Panel in the flesh. Barely any had. “We are able to put Tommy through medication today to make him fit and healthy again. 20/20 vision. Immuno boosters tailored to him. We are putting him through a stem cycle, from embryos that have been collected from Ana. This should hopefully get those bones growing harder, stronger, and healthier. We are going to have him and his mother in this hospital every day, all day for four months. This is his mother.” Arthur held out his hand and she shook it firmly._

_“Sir. I am Ana Belivet. I just want to thank you so much, for the time from work and for this opportunity. I have never been so grateful.” She said a little shocked, that it was the leader of the country’s hand she was shaking._

_“Nice to meet you finally. And it is our pleasure.” He put on his best public pleasing act. “We have seen your struggle and we are here for the people from birth. We saw your case, and being a hard working citizen with no blemishes on your record we are happy to help.”_

_“I can’t thank you enough.” She said sincerely, nodding her appreciation to the rest of the Panel._

_“Tommy is about to go and get prepped. There should be a doctor outside waiting for you...” Doctor Robichek said, guiding them out of the door, waiting until it was shut to speak a word. “As you can see subject 387H is very sickly. With all these medical processes he will go through over the next four months, he will no longer be a viable subject for testing.”_

_Mordred finally connected the dots. “The embryos…”_

_“Yes. Only one or two embryos are needed for the stem cycle. We have three others that have proven viable. The 645 triplets. Ladies and gentleman, we have three tries to get this right otherwi-“_

_“Thank you Doctor Robichek. You may leave.” Arthur cut her off, tired of her voice._

_“Y-Yes sir.” She stuttered momentarily before turning on her heel and swiftly exiting the room._

_“We have three embryos. The DNA of which will latch on to every being of the next generation… I propose we kill two birds with one stone… We find a viable embryo, strong. Healthy. And we finish the Emmanuel project.”_

_“The Emmanuel project? Now? Are you crazy?”_

_“No. I am quite sane. We have the opportunity to create the perfect human being. Loveless and enhanced. I want all of the factions including ours in one person. I want strength and agility. Brains and brawn. I want it all. We have the chance to change the human race. Perfect it. Imagine being able to throw a car with a finger. Get shot with a bullet, push it out and keep on running. Have a genetic drive to succeed. A built in working ethic. To be able to control everything in your body, hormone levels, blood flow… To have it all. And I want it in the 645 triplet!”_

///

**Four months later.**

“Two out of three embryos have failed in their surrogates and the last is in Ana Belivet…? What have you told the mother?” Arthur said, staring into the biological container.

“That this is the only way to save her son. That she will not be exiled for it, and that it is the only way to find a match to her son’s DNA.” Doctor Robichek answered, trying to hide her slight guilt from all the lies she had been spinning these past few months. She had impregnated a woman for no reason apart from someone else’s pleasure. She had coerced her into it. In some twisted way she felt like a sexual abuser, under the skin.

“And she agreed?”

“She’s just begun her second trimester.” She said, putting the failed embryos back into their liquid nitrogen tanks, noticing the way Arthur followed it with his eyes every step of the way.

“Have her brought in. I want every step of this pregnancy monitored from here on out.” He said resolutely.

“But sir, she’s being monitored in public.” It was one thing to immorally impregnate someone but to take away their freedom too.

“I don’t care. Have her brought in. Make up some bullshit, like her son is getting worse. I want the next five months to go without a hitch. Make sure this is done.” He said, inching closer and closer until she swallowed nervously.

“Right away.” She nodded, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “And what of the mutated embryos?”

“Have them destroyed, and have their names etched from the files. 645B and 645C didn’t survive the Emmanuel enhancement, we would have made a living hell for a few months, maybe days, until they died. I may toy with the ‘All’ but to rebuff them entirely is foolish. 645A is all we have left.”

“Yes sir.” She said, nodding to a technician who entered the surrogates’ rooms. It wasn’t long before Doctor Robichek had her head in the toilet bowl, retching violently as the guilt and inhumanity clawed at her stomach.

///

**3035, April 17 th **

“Which wing is she in?!” Arthur flew from his desk, throwing off the green over coat which had swept behind him as he walked.

Doctor Robichek followed hurriedly. “Arthur, I strongly advise you don’t go in there. More people, more complications. The father is already on edge as it is. Ana should live through thi-“

“I don’t care about Ana! I care about 645A!” He snarled, taking her face in his hand.

“Elliot wing. Section 9.” She breathed a sigh of relief when he let go, storming through down the corridor to the elevator with two bodyguards in white either side. It wasn’t soon before he was following the sound of screaming to find the child he had been personally monitoring for months. He pulled back the curtain into the small room, where Ana was sweating, clutching a man in a large black denim jacket’s hand.

The man spotted him and walked over, closing the curtain behind him for some privacy. “Hello. I’m Arthur. Head of the Panel. I am the one looking after your son and now daughter.”

“I’m Benes. Benes Belivet. Thank you for everything that you have done for us, but are you sure this was the only way to help Tommy? I mean, what will become of Therese?” Benes asked nervously as the screams of his wife became more pained.

“Therese?” Arthur raised an eyebrow, wondering if he had missed someone in the birthing room.

“The baby…” Benes clarified, looking a little sceptical.

“Oh… _Therese_ ,” He tested the word in his mouth, and it took all his might not to spit it out, “she will be fine. Obviously it is known due to over population that Therese, is technically illegal, so the Panel will be more than happy to take her from you.” He said squeezing Benes’s shoulder but the man caught it.

“Take her? No. I want to keep her.” He said rather firmly.

“What?” Arthur frowned as an unexpected spanner was thrown into his works.

“Therese. After Tommy’s and Therese’s surgery is through I want to go home as a family.” He tried to stand a little stranger in front of the leering man.

“I’m sorry Mr Belivet, but that won’t be happening.”

“Yes it will be.” Arthur’s patience wearied at Benes’s words. “We have the documents allowing the birth of Therese, she is my biological property.”

“Look here. Therese, she will be very, very weak. By the time you get her out of this hospital she will be four years old with the amount of surgeries we are going to have her in for. What you have already agreed to is very unethical. You didn’t even want her. You’re only having her to save the child you already have-“

“Yes, Therese may have been brought into this world unwanted, but she is my daughter. She deserves what this society promises, equality. She should have equal rights of being my kin as Tommy does. And I will care for her with every ounce of my being.” He looked so decided and passionate _… maybe too passionate._

“Careful Mr Belivet, your ‘care’ resembles love…”

“… No, it is only paternal instinct and belief in the SEEC.” _Lies_. Benes watched Arthur roll his icy eyes before training them on his own.

“Here’s how it is going to go Mr Belivet. I am feeling rather humble and generous today so I will strike you a deal. You have one of two options. I will have you moved to a house close to here. As soon as the process for Tommy is done, you may take them both home as a family. I will have check-ups as frequently as I like with Therese and I want no questions asked. When she is ten years old, you will sign her over to me as her legal guardian with no questions asked and you will not expose her to the outside world. Or option 2, I take her as soon as she is born. You will not hold her, you will not see her, and you will only hear the echo of her cries. Tommy will die. You will be forced to work every day for the rest of your sorry life and I will make sure she that Therese is brought up, knowing every day that her parents chose to abandon her. Well Mr Belivet…? It is your choice.”

Benes looked back to his wife who was now birthing their little girl. She came out with a cry and the doctors cleaned her up before placing her on his wife’s chest.

“Op…option 1… but tell me…” Benes caught Arthur’s arm once more, turning to him with watery eyes which turned into tears. “What do you want with me and my family?”

“Oh I don’t care for your family at all. You are _equally_ as unimportant as every other family in this country. But Therese? _Therese_ is special…” Suddenly Ana cried out in pain, handing Therese to a doctor as she was ushered to surgery. “Follow your wife Benes… Follow her.”

He looked undecided, his eyes flickering between his new born and screaming wife, until he did as he was told whispering in Ana’s ear of Arthur’s demand. “No… No give her back! GIVE HER BACK! You son of a bitch, don’t you touch her!” Ana screamed as she was wheeled away.  

Arthur smiled, walking over to the incubator, picking up the baby and carrying her away from Ana’s agonised screams. “Hello, my precious girl…”

///

**3041, December 9 th **

“Ok… Therese, it’s time for your next visit sweetheart.” Benes said, pulling up Therese’s orange coat making sure she was warm while Ana packed her small bag with a week’s worth of clothes, holding back the tears as she did every month from the day Therese was born. At first it was the first few years, constantly monitoring either Tommy of Therese in the hospital. Then once they had come out, Therese had come in for a day every other week. Then a weekend a month, until it had gradually progressed into entire weeks.

“Yay! Last month we went out to the park Daddy! And I played with other boys and girls. It was the best.” Each word was like a stab to their beating hearts.

“Well, honey, you just pick up a phone if anything goes wrong and I promise I will be there the next minute. I promise. Will you promise me that you will?” Ana said, squeezing her daughter’s arms.

“I promise, Mama.” Therese’s gaze flickered over to Tommy who was glaring at her from across the room, repeatedly smashing his book into the carpet. “Are you going to drop me off too Tommy?”

He stared a little more intensely, his eyesight now perfect along with his bone density and immune system. “No, Terry.”

Therese didn’t know why she had expected a different answer this time around. The only time Tommy really spoke to her was when he was bragging that in a year once he had turned 10 he would have the opportunity to leave schooling and become a Caesar.

It wasn’t long before Therese was running into Lancelot’s open arms. Lancelot had always been good with children, he wanted one of his own and was recently mated to his wife Mary with whom he was trying to conceive with. Today, like every time Therese came in, he was donning the white suit without a complaint to spend time with Therese.

“Hey pip!” He said picking her up into the air spinning her around.

“Hey Lance! Are we going to go to the park this week?” Therese asked excitedly, loving the outdoors. She had spent most of her childhood indoors or ill, so these trips to the park with the Panel had become treasured.

“Of course Terry! Anything you want. We’ll run tests as usual and then we can take you out. Maybe get you a new jumpsuit? How about that?” Therese nodded enthusiastically. “Ok, say goodbye to Ana and Benes.”

“Bye Mommy, bye Daddy, see you Sunday.”

“See you Sunday sweet pea.” They said, clutching onto each other’s arms as their daughter skipped into the elevator holding Lancelot’s hand, waving as the doors closed until she had ascended out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... Remember that this is only part one of the flashback. But is anything coming to light here? Are cogs starting to turn? Ideas beginning to click and form? 
> 
> There's obviously going to be lots of different opinions because it dives into ethics and morals and the fact that Arthur literally has none, but i'm really interested to hear what you're all thinking. (And don't say I didn't warn you that shit was going to get dark because i did!)


	23. Mellifluous Cries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - I don't exactly know what i'm warning for... I guess i'm just trying to say that this isn't really for the light hearted. I don't know much more i could warn. If anyone has any ideas give me a shout ;)

**Day 1**

“So pip.” Lancelot asked pushing her in the swing. “What do you remember of last time you came?” He asked tapping the icon on his watch to record their conversation as she swung her legs happily.

“Oh the usual. The park. Games with Doctor. Talking with Arthur. You remember silly!” She squealed leaning back to smile at Lancelot with her dimples.

“Of course I do. But you know me, I just want to make sure you haven’t forgotten! Hey how about you go and play with some other children while I just make a phone call okay? Don’t stray too far. We don’t want to lose you now do we?” Therese shook her head jumping from the swing set over to the play area. Lancelot wrapped the call hologram around his ear. “Hello Robichek? Yes, Mind block tactics still efficient - Damper serum too - she shows no signs and seems normal. Social skills look a little robotic. However, she seems happy, still easy to talk to, interacts with others as well as one could hope. Report in to Arthur.”

He tapped off the hologram, turning back to watch over Therese, checking the surveillance cars and people weren’t too conspicuous before returning his attention back to the giggling girl.

///

**Day 3.**

“Hello you.” The small girl turned in her bed to find the icy blue eyes of the man who stroked her hair to wake her.

“Arthur!” She squealed, sitting up and throwing her arms around the man in blue.

“Hello precious. Are you ready to get up sleepyhead? We let you have a lie in this morning because Lance told me you had a very exciting day yesterday, visiting the museum and getting ice cream. Not too much I hope!” He said tousling her hair in his hand.

“Nope! Only one scoop of mint choc chip I promise!” She giggled as Arthur tickled her sides.

“That’s my girl! Now are you up, because we have got a big day ahead of us and I have your favourite cereal downstairs waiting for you… But if you’re too tired I guess I’ll have to eat it all by myself.” Arthur said standing, walking slowly to the door.

“Weetabix?!” Therese asked, hurriedly throwing on her small green robe over her olive green silk pyjamas. Arthur nodded slowly, to have the little girl rush past him.

“That’s my girl.” By the time Arthur had reached the kitchen, the Bruneian housekeeper had poured Therese her breakfast and the girl was guzzling it with gusto. “Therese.”

“Yes Arthur?”

“You know the drill. Neck.” Therese tilted her neck, still focusing on her breakfast still, only halting her chewing when she felt the needle push into her neck, the cold green fluid pushing into her blood stream before the needle was removed. “Good girl. Now remember to tell me when you feel the tingling.”

“I know Arthur.” Therese finished her breakfast in silence sat rather comfortably as Arthur read the paper. She took her plate up to the sink letting the water flow from the tap to clean it when a rush of numbness swam through her arms, making her drop the plate, the smash gaining the man’s attention. “A-Arthur-” Therese managed to squeak out before her eyes rolled back and her body went limp. He darted from his chair catching her just before she hit the ground.

“Nurse!” He called out, as Therese began to spasm uncontrollably in his grip. “The anti-damper serum…It’s getting faster.” A sea of blue scrubs rushed to the room, stopping just out of sight with the gurney in tow. The spasms slowed and her breathing slowed as Therese began to come around again. “Therese?” He whispered, stroking her head slowly as she started to blink. “Therese sweetie?”

“D-Daddy?” She called out as she faded back into consciousness.

“Shh. Therese, its Arthur… It’s medical day. Making sure you’re healthy. You passed out again. But don’t worry, we’re going to make you better.” He stood up lifting her in his arms laying her on the gurney. “You’re going to be ok sweetie. Just running tests like always.”

Therese nodded sleepily. Arthur turned to leave but Therese reached out and grabbed his hand, not noticing the way the bones cracked at the action and the small flicker of pain that glanced over his face. “Are you coming too?”

“I-I will do soon. Now let go so you can have your-r tests.” He said, his strong voice crackling in pain. Therese let go and she was wheeled away and the man in green massaged the bones in his hand smiling slightly.

///

**Day 4**

“Now Therese. These are for your own and my safety.” Doctor Robichek said, taking Therese’s wrists and placing them in iron clamps on the table.

“Ok, doctor.” Therese said a little hazily, the gas from the nurses making her head a little clouded, but it was clearing fairly quickly.

“Now, can you tell me of the tests you’ve just done and how each felt?” She said, sliding a tube on to the little girl’s IV watching it fill with dark red.

“Well, yesterday I did training and tactile with the instructor. Then evasion and resource. I had lunch and then after that Gawain came and showed me the use of surrounding objects to a tactical advantage. All were fun and easy. Today we did a lot of theory. Electric circuitry, coding, hacking all the boring stuff.”

“Ok and how did they all go?” She noted the answers down.

“Well, we finished fairly quickly. They say I’m a quick learner. I had some time left to play with the sparring bot. We need a new sparring bot now.” Therese said a little ashamed.

“Ok… Now this next part is going to pinch a little. Do you know what I am going to do Therese?”

“No… I always remember these sessions but it’s like… it’s like the memories are gone. All I remember is going to the park. Playing games. Breakfast. Not much. Time flies when I’m here… Why are there scratches on this table? Do you train someone else here?” She asked, here fingers running over the deep indentations on the table.

The doctor looked nervous for a minute before passing off Therese’s questions with a quick lie. “It’s an old table – Now, we just need to take some blood from the back of your neck. So if you could place your head on the table.”

Therese did as she was told but as the cold metal connected with her forehead, the feeling of unadulterated fear washed through her system. “Doctor… I’m scared… Why am I scared?” Therese said, seeing her tears fall forward onto the table in front of her, not quite understanding why, but her subconscious was screaming for her to run, to get out at all costs.

“There is nothing to be scared of Therese. Now hold still.” A sedative was pushed into the girl’s IV and her eyes drooped as it hit her system, but the affects didn’t last long, her body adapting to the drug it was frequented to, burning it out of her system through her sweat. She woke abruptly as a needle was pushed into the back of her neck into the base of her cranium.

She screamed out. Startling the nurses as she started to thrash in her restraints aimlessly, clawing at the table. The marrow from her bones was pulled like blood from rocks, every movement lighting an audible scrape of bone in the air, setting her body a light with pain and fire, overcoming everything she was. Everything she saw and felt. All she knew was pain.

“GET OFF ME! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! STOP IT!” She cried into the air. He screams bounced off the metal table in front of her as she felt hands hold her arms down.

“Therese. Therese calm down.” She recognised the voice of her doctor; it was panicked. “You! Get another IV line!”

“NO!” Therese screamed scratching at the table, feeling the metal bend under her will.

“NOW!” Doctor Robichek screamed.

“I SAID NO!” The table was ripped from its holdings in the ground as she rose from her chair. The full syringe was pulled from her neck. Her green eyes were replaced with black as she kicked the table away, ripping the shackles free, sending the flying table into a terrified nurse.

A man in blue stuck a needle in her neck, pushing in a red drug, the damper serum, only to meet her dark eyes as she tensed her neck, her body pushing the clear red liquid back into the syringe, pulling it from her own neck and pushing it into his, watching his body flop as his bloodstream and biology couldn’t handle the chemical concoction.

She pushed him lightly with her foot watching him fly across the floor. She suddenly felt someone tackle her legs, bringing her to the floor, but she rolled over quickly, pushing her body off of his and bringing it down with force, hearing his pelvis shatter under her, serenaded by his screams of torture.

She got up to her feet watching her doctor hide behind the white soldiers as they stormed towards her. The nearest took out his gun, but Therese ripped it from his grasp directing it at his foot as he pulled the trigger, snapping his wrist with ease, taking the trigger in her own hands, pointing it under his chin before pulling it once more.

Red stained the red room as she took them out one by one, taking down their weak points, not wasting a bullet as each passed through a head. She used their falling bodies as shields from the bullet spray directed her way. Her slight frame was quick and agile, bouncing over them, jumping from one death to the next. Bullets sounded one after another, always landing in a white clad chest of head. The cracking of bones between each shot were usually behind the small brunette’s fist.

There was one man left who ran down the corridor after the doctor carrying her bone marrow in a cool box, not wanting to join the massacre of the operation room. Therese sprinted, catching up with him in seconds, propelling herself off the floor, twisting in the air bringing his neck with her before she landed on the floor, hearing his limp body land behind her as she ran for the doctor.

Therese reached out skimming the doctor’s arm with her fingers, but she came to a complete stop on the floor, sprawled on her back as a bullet that had hit her chest took her off of her feet. The air was knocked from her as she struggled to breathe on the floor. The bullet wedged in her lung as it filled with blood.

She clawed at her chest in pain, feeling her whole body tense, pushing the bullet from her body and her tissue burn as it knitted together. She finally stood, after around 6 minutes, picking up the bullet from the floor in her fingers as her chest heaved. She looked down the corridor, hearing a strained grunting. A nurse was pulling himself down the hallway, so she threw the bullet as fast as a gun would fire one, killing him as it shot through his head.

“Therese!” The small animal turned and snarled, her eyes dark and teeth glinting. “Therese its Arthur.” Her face relaxed, along with her muscles.

“A-Arthur?” She blinked, her eyes constricting as they returned back to green.

“Therese… What happened…?” It was if the small girl was popped from a bubble and shoved back into reality as she looked around, her red artwork drenching the walls as they ran with blood. She looked down into the operating theatre and everyone who laid dead there.

“I…They… They hurt me Arthur.” She said looking at her clothing and how the dark red that had spread from her chest had stopped. “They…T-They were doing tests and then they hurt me… They wouldn’t let me go…” She cried, her eyes welling up.

“Terry-”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” The little girl shouted, tensing once again, the term of endearment no longer having the same meaning. It didn’t hit her ear right and the sound made her eyes grow black once more.

“Therese… It’s Arthur. My precious girl… How long have you known me?” He asked approaching slowly like a wild animal.

“S-since I was born.” She said, feeling her body start to relax once more, her defences falling.

“That’s right. To make Tommy better. But we have made you better. We are giving you a life outside of that lonely house. And all I have ever done is help. Would I ever, ever hurt you?” He plead with his dead eyes. He wondered if he should feel something. Something towards the lies he spoke with such rehearsed effortlessness. But then his mind snapped back to the Cure, and how the one meaningless life in front of him could help millions. Cure millions. Save millions. Enhance millions.

The small girl was so confused by all the death around her, at what had come over her, and that these people would never go home to their families, and died quite painfully under her tantrum. “No…”

“No I wouldn’t… Come here honey…” He said, stretching out his bruised hand from earlier. Therese looked at it apprehensively, warring in her mind, looking at all the death around her, all the confusion, and then the one person she was sure of.

She walked towards him, slowly stepping over the limp bodies, reaching out for his hand as the tears fell, but just before she could reach it, he withdrew his held out hand, along with his tender expression, pulling a gun from his belt.

And as she looked up, having no understanding of this betrayal came from, he pulled the trigger and the bullet hit her square between the eyes.

_Black._

///

**Day 5**

Therese’s hearing faded in and out along with her vision as she slowly came through. She was in the little room alone, strapped to a chair with a gag in her mouth and small metal pads on her head.

“We have two days. Two days to bury and replace memories. Electro therapy like usual. She’s growing stronger everyday…”

The conversation was far away, but her hearing was sensitive as they all began to come through. Her head pounded, and left her unable to stop the scurrying people around her from flicking on machines and connecting more pads to her body, turning on the power packs by the wall.

“What are you doing?” She mumbled out. “Let me go…” She struggled, but her strength was gone.

“Not so big and powerful with the damper serum running through those pretty little veins of yours are you 645A?” Teased a technician. Therese could only muster a grunt as everyone stepped back and her chair was turned towards a monitor. Videos and images of the last few days began to play. Good mixed with bad, and just as she began to question exactly what she was watching, 50 milliamps was passed through her body.

The electricity crackled as her body shook until the current was cut off. A voice she recognised came through the speakers. “Higher.”

60 milliamps passed through her system this time, and her teeth clenched down on the guard.

“Higher.” Came the monotone voice.

“Sir, any higher can be lethal, especially to a girl her size and age.”

“Have you not seen any of the videos? Even with the damper serum, she is smart. She heals fast, she remembers her training. She is different to us. She just healed a bullet to the fucking head for fucks sake. Turn it up higher.”

The switch was flicked, and her body was charged once more.

///

**Day 7.**

“Hey baby!” Benes said picking up his daughter, hugging her close, but after a few seconds she squirmed, becoming less and less comfortable with physical contact for reasons she wasn’t quite sure of. Benes recovered rather smoothly. “Have a nice time?” He said walking away from Arthur and Lancelot as they waved.

“Great, we went to the park, got ice cream. Did some tests. Read books. It was ok.”

Lancelot turned to Arthur as the father and daughter went out of ear shot. “What are we going to do? She’s getting stronger. That little girl killed 17 people with ease. We are no closer to a new cure, but 10 times closer to a killing machine. You have lost your objective.”

“I am completely on track… We will have to take her from the Belivet’s… We will start taking more and more time… Then when hope is nearly all lost. Exile them. Put the boy into foster system and Therese… You will be her foster parent. Have a new farming sector cleared, fill it, and I want Robichek undercover as the head. When she is 10 we will put her there, where she won’t harm anyone. Robichek will have damper serum administered daily, for the safety of others, keeping her power suppressed. Put it in her Weetabix and she won’t even have to. We will keep the activating serum locked away, one shot of that stuff reinstates all her power. She doesn’t need a shot of the cure, it already runs in her blood. We just need her to beat it and to do that she needs to be out in the world. If she can do that at 6 years old imagine how she will be ten years from now. Twenty! We have four years to train her to perfection. Then we wipe the memories. Let her live a ‘normal’ life. Find love. And when she does… then we strike.” He said rather smugly. He had spent years watching Therese grow up, his plan was formulated and set like concrete.

“Arthur this is crazy… How is she going to find love and live life as a normal human being when she has only had half a childhood? When loving isn’t part of her DNA?”

“Make her a childhood. I’ve had some of Einstein working on a drug that allows memories to be planted. We will make her a childhood, filled with lonely days and learning curves. Love cannot be forced. It is an intelligent parasite. It strikes when it pleases. She will be perfect.”

“She will be our downfall.” Lancelot shook his head, looking at the man who held the country’s weapon in one hand and Cure in the other.

“You’re wrong…She will be our Saviour!”

///

**3043**

“Arthur! ARTHUR!” Bedivere shouted, jogging down the corridors as he had just received word from the surveillance sector in Caesar that had live mics and cameras, littered through the home.

“Bedivere, what is it? Arthur is in a meeting with the heads of sectors. He will not be disturbed.” Lancelot asked, warning his co-worker.

“It’s 645A. Ana and Benes are taking her. They’re running away.” Bedivere said a little out of breath.

“645A?” Bedivere nodded. “As soon as there is a quiet moment in the meeting have him notified. I will go to the Belivet residence, stop them before they can leave. I’m taking the elite force with me.”

“Done. Hurry.” Lancelot ran to the elevator, grabbing a white suit on his way out to change into, handing his own to the bell boy.

///

“ANA!” Benes called through the house, packing Tommy and Therese’s clothes into their backpacks. “ANA!”

“BENES?!” She replied, running towards the voice until she found him in the kids’ room. “What’s wrong? What’s the matter?”

“We leave, we leave tonight. I just got off a call with the panel… It has gone from 10 days to 14 and now they want 17… More than half a month. They get her for over 50% of the year. She’s eight years old! And she comes back with the same stories, the same needle marks, the same line of bruises down her spine.”

“You know they say she has back problems. The bruising help the fluid break up.” Ana plead, trying to halt Benes’s static movements.

“Bullshit, Ana! Bullshit! And you know it! We have been lying to ourselves for EIGHT YEARS! We are losing her already. The older she gets the more bored she becomes, she’s getting more and more detached every day and I can’t bare it. I won’t!” He ran into their rooms, throwing their shared wardrobe into packs before running to the kitchen grabbing foods from the cupboards as his wife gathered their children.

“Mommy. Why are you fighting?” Tommy asked as his parents ran about.

Ana ignored her confused son. “Benes, where are we going to go? When Therese doesn’t show tomorrow, they will search and find us.”

“We will travel out to the border. I have heard about a tunnel, through the wall and border. They won’t expect us. People don’t try to break out of the country. We will run to the wild. So many have been exiled, there must be something out there. It doesn’t matter. We will be together.”

Ana looked over at their children, Tommy poking his father’s side, Therese staring out of the window a little lost. Ana felt like she had already lost her in some ways. She barely replied with sentences and preferred singular words. She rarely gave her hugs or stayed still when she kissed her goodnight. But she was determined to find her sweet little girl again. “Ok…”

“Ok?” Benes asked, not thinking his wife would agree to something so reckless.

“Yes. Let’s go. Therese. Tommy. Pick up your bags. Put on your work boots. We’re leaving in an hour.”

“Why mommy?” Tommy asked, and Therese looked expectantly.

“We… we’re going on a rest break. Ok?” They hurried around, dressing, putting on as many layers as possible, folding and pack, filling bottles with water, carrying as much as their legs could carry. “Are we all ready? Yes? Let’s go!”

Benes took his children’s hands, ignoring the twitching of Therese’s as he tugged them downstairs, making sure their bags were balanced, but as he reached for the door it swung open, breaking off its hinges. It was then natural instinct kicked in.

The incident report reads that there were suspicions of love. That Ana and Benes Belivet had hidden a child inside for eight years of her life and that the children were liberated and put into the care of citizens.

It is relatively true.

However, it did miss out the way the soldiers stormed the house. How guns were pointed at their heads as gas canisters were rolled in. How they were all dragged from the home kicking and screaming, soldiers beating the loving parents as they wept for their wailing children who were being pushed into the back of a van. How Therese’s sadness and anger burned the damper system from her body, letting her eyes blacken and hands rip off the van door, kicking off a tyre of the van with ease. How she had carried Tommy from the van wreckage, running with the 11 year old in her arms to her struggling parents. How a bullet had cracked out from the gun and ended the nightmare situation, taking down the two of them.

Soldiers had gone to pick the siblings up out of the road and the pool of blood that was branching from them, but Lancelot had taken Therese in his own arms, carrying the young girl with the gunshot wound in the middle of her forehead.

He cried upon her, knowing that she would heal but despairing at the screams of her parents as they looked upon what they thought were their dead children, before laying her down in front of them, gesturing for the soldiers to do the same.

Ana and Benes wracked the skies with their screams as the grief descended upon them. Lancelot gave them time before speaking. “You have broken the law. You have broken your agreement with the Panel. You should be put to death. But I am merciful and know that the loss of your children is more than enough for punishment. So you are banished to the wild, to live in exile. My decree is law, and shall be enforced personally, by me, Lancelot of the Panel. Know that your children will be cared for by the great ‘All’ who watches over us all, and given a respectful burial. ”

Benes and Ana barely heard him as they writhed from the soldiers clutches, holding their still children in their quivering arms before looking up to Lancelot. “You are not merciful.” Ana replied, her voice coarse like sandpaper. “To live without our children is a living death. To join our children would be mercy. To have left us alone from the start, would be mercy… You know nothing… Any of you, you know nothing of love. You shouldn’t fear it… I loved them…” Ana choked, clutching her boy to her chest. “I loved them.”

“Do you have anything you can say you would die for?! I have…. I had.” Benes broke down into the arms of his daughter, rocking her small body in his arms. “You didn’t have to kill her…You di-” His anguish choked him as he could speak no more, the words sticking in his throat before drowning in his sorrow, and Lancelot could do nothing but observe with a steeled face, which showed no hint of the chaos that consumed him inside.

///

“I’m proud of you Lancelot. You have accelerated our plan. We now have eight years to train this girl to perfection. Another two years to have her perfect. We now have the time to run through the system finding some of the best possible matches.”

“Yes Arthur.”

“Your on the ball thinking has also lost us the danger of the parents. They will now live their lives, believing their children are dead, wallowing in the wild. The evidence is gone with them-”

“What of Therese? What of Tommy?”

“Well, Tommy is being placed into foster care and 645A will train.”

“I want her… I want 645A. You said I could have her. If you drill too much into her she will never find love. She will be emotionless. Let me parent her. She knows me. Trusts me. I can help her through her grief. The last thing we want is a rebellious weapon coming after us.”

Arthur stared Lancelot down for a moment. He knew that his second in command was right. Ever since the culling, the day Therese had lashed out and killed all of those nurses, she had been more distant from Arthur. She claimed not to remember anything of it and he believed her, but he also knew that the subconscious was a funny thing. “A weapon that we can now easily defeat with a bullet to the head.”

“Watch this.” Lancelot brought up the fight from a few months ago where they had introduced drones into Therese’s training. “You see that?” He paused, scrolled back and zoomed in. “There!” He said, pointing to the hologram. “The drone switched from stuns to real bullets and she dodged it. She dodged a bullet… She is eight years old. Imagine when she is a stroppy teen. She could catch one. Throw it through your head. You have to keep the balance.”

Arthur contemplated Lancelot’s proposition, looking down at the young girl who laid on a slab, her brain slowly knitting itself together. “Fine… I have repaid my debt. You have sorted out the Belivet’s and you shall be 645A’s guardian. But I swear Lancelot. Her actions are on your head. If she gets hurt…”

“She won’t. She won’t.”

“Good. I’ll see you at the conference in an hour. We will share our notes. The Panel will agree. And you shall get custody. We are so close… I can taste it.” Arthur bent down, kissing Therese’s bloodied forehead. “We will perfect the human race. Even if it kills me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is the penny dropping? Please say the penny is least on its way back down ;)


	24. Remember

“You’re back… You have no idea how long I have waited for this very moment.”

“Get away from me…” Therese said, smacking Arthur’s hand from her head, giving her most threatening stare but he just smiled.

He studied her, like a rare trace of oil before standing, his slight figure towering over her. “Do you remember me 645A?”

“How do you know that number?”

“That’s your real name Therese. Now, say mine?” His icy eyes pierced her mind, making it ache as she swam through the memories, random ones of Carol smiling, falling on top of her in bed, happy memories trying to protect her from the terrifying ones. “SAY IT!” He yelled, and it was if the dam broke. The memories, made her head hurt, suffocating it, like water in her lungs, burning as they all rushed through her.

“Arthur!” She shouted, flinging open her eyes, seeing his dead face slowly smile.

“Yes… Yes that’s right… What do you remember… tell me?” He said crouching in front of her but she scooted away, into the corner.

Her breathing was heavy, as what felt like an entire lifetime came back to her, but with bits still missing. “You… You were half of my childhood. Why couldn’t I remember you…?”

“What do you remember Therese? I need you to tell me…” He said to his experiment, watching her as her eyes darted around the room, trying to sort the mess in her head, to separate them from her emotions.

She breathed as she finally calmed down, thinking back, linking the memories to his face, to rooms similar to the one she was in. “You would wake me up… we would have breakfast – you’d drug me and then… and then… pain.”

“No… no not pain 645A… evolution.”

“It… it burned through me… What happened to me? Why am I here? Where’s Carol?! What did you do to me?! Why couldn’t I remember?!”

“I have the answers to your questions Therese. But I cannot give you them.”

“WHY NOT?!”

“Look at yourself.” She did, taking in the way her fists were clenched, veins forming down her arms, how heavy her breathing was. “If I told you, you would rip me apart… No, Lancelot will tell you.”

“Lancelot?” Mordred opened the door, letting Arthur leave, gesturing with his head for Therese to follow. Therese had no choice, so she went to walk out the door but the man in green stopped her, holding out his palm flat.

“The scalpel…” Therese challenged him but his face didn’t waver. She slipped it into his palm, turning to leave but she was halted again. “And the other one.” She snarled, making his eyes widen, before she smacked it into his hands.

As she left the room, she looked down the corridor. By each door there were two white soldiers, with matching assault rifles, their eyes all trained on Therese. She made eye contact with one of them, only to see pure fear staring back. It unnerved her. If there was one thing Therese hated, it was people looking at her in fear. She shrugged off the soldiers gaze, looking down the hall to where Arthur stood.

“Hurry, 645A.” He said, his mind flashing back to when the little girl used to run to him, smiling and happy, but she was grown now, and her smile had been replaced with a snarl. Her glimmering eyes, ones that looked at him as if he were a monster.

“My name… Is Therese Belivet! I will not be numbered like livestock or property.” She looked him up and down, waiting for his answer.

“Therese… will you please step into this room?”

///

Carol blinked, her head throbbing as the light filtered through to her retinas making them ache at the brightness. When they focused, she managed to make out the bright bulb and then the rest of the room. A man in green stood in front of her, along with four soldiers, their guns trained on her head.

“What the fuck is happening…? Where is Therese?” She whispered as her senses returned. She went to sit up but felt restraints clamp on the wrists and ankles. She looked down at them, wriggling before thrashing.

“It’s no use Carol… On behalf of the Panel, and mankind… I must thank you.” The man said, stepping from the shadows. She didn’t recognise him

“What?! Why am I tied down?! Where the fuck is Therese?!” She said, pulling against the restraints, noticing her skin reddening beneath them.

“My name is Tristan. I am a member of the Panel. You are Carol Aird. 25. Einstein, material sector. Court and love of Therese Belivet.”

“What? No, I had my cure. Therese and I are law abiding citizen’s trying to SEEC-“

“Ok, drop the bullshit.” He said flicking through his file, swiping an audio recording into the air. Carol’s voice crackling through. “ _It was the least I could do. I would have cooked more if I’d known all day you were manoeuvring… This. Have I said that you’re crazy?” “Once or twice… I love you.” “I love you, too.”_  “That was just over a week ago…”

“No… It was me. I warped Therese into thinking she loved me. I’m sorry. I’m sick. Just let her get her Cure and exile m-“

“We aren’t exiling anyone. In fact, you’re never leaving. But we need you for a few things first.”

“Like what?!”

“Well first…. Verification.” He tapped through his file once more sliding a live video up onto a wall, the cameras around the room, trained on Carol, the machine on her finger tracking her heartbeat. It was Therese, she was sat in a room with doctor Nagy. “Watch closely.” She didn’t have to be told. Tristan looked at his watch counting down, and when he reached zero, the doctor tucked in her shirt, letting the gun in her belt become visible to the camera but not Therese. “In sixty seconds, doctor Nagy will pull that gun from her belt and shoot Therese in the head.”

“What?! You fucking psycho! Therese!” She shouted, pulling against the leather cuffs, trying to throw herself to the woman on the screen whilst calling her name.

“She can’t hear you. But you can stop this.”

“How?!” Tristan nodded to one of the soldiers, and he came to Carol’s side, undoing the restraint on her wrist, placing a 10mm Glock in her palm. The blonde looked down to it and then to the screen. “Shoot yourself and she lives. It is your life or hers Carol. You have thirty seconds.”

Her heart skipped a beat as his glare locked upon her. She looked down from the screen, from the gun in the doctor’s belt, to the one in her own that shook at the frequency of her hand. “You’re crazy.”

“20 seconds.” He said, his voice calm. Instinct kicked in and she tightened her grip on the gun, pointing it at Tristan. He simply smiled. “You shoot me, Therese will die, and I will make sure you are left to rot in a cell for the rest of your life, your only company her decaying dead body.” Carol’s hand trembled as she tried to see if he was telling the truth. “Five.” She breathed in. “Four.” She exhaled shakily. “Three.” Her eyes darted to the screen, seeing the doctor reach behind her back. “Two.” Carol thrusted the barrel to her chin, her finger trembling the trigger, her gaze not leaving the woman on screen. “One.”

“I’m sorry.” She said, a tear escaping one eye as she closed them, picturing Therese smiling up at her in the flower field, then in her room, writing on her back that she loved her, but her head went clear as she pulled the trigger.

“Stand down.” She heard Tristan say, opening her eyes, the barrel still wracking against her chin until it was yanked from her grasp, her lungs finally sucking in the oxygen they craved and her hand slamming back into the cuffs. She watched the doctor nod on the screen, make up some excuse to leave and her love protested, just like she subconsciously knew she would and then the screen went dark as he swiped the hologram back into his glass file. “You love her. Congratulations.”

“So what?! She doesn’t love me back.” Carol lied, her heart still rapidly beating from the surge of adrenaline.

Tristan smirked, flicking through his holograms. “Well, you better pray she does, or we are all dead.”

“What do you mean?!” She said, beginning her attack on her cuffs once more.

“All in good time.” He said turning to leave. “All in good time.”

///

“Hello Therese.” Lancelot said sat at a steel table which looked rather familiar, it had small deep scratches etched into it. “Please sit.”

“L-Lance? What the hell are you doing here? What the fuck is going on Lance? Why… why am I remembering things that haven’t happened?!” She said sitting on the other side of the table, happy to see someone she knew.

Arthur sat in a chair in the corner of the room, observing as two soldiers stepped into the room rather nervous as they clamped steel clamps which were drilled into the table around her wrists. Therese barely noticed, the action feeling oddly natural, as she stared down her foster father.

Lancelot bowed his head, he had been dreading this moment for 11 years to this day. “Therese do you remember me?”

“Remember you?” Therese scoffed, just as she did as a child making Lancelot smile sadly. “Don’t be stupid Lance, you were my foster father for two years. Rule number one - Don’t ask stupid questions. Why are you wearing green?”

“Because my full name is Lancelot. I am one of the twelve on the Panel.” He said simply, allowing Therese time to react.

He watched her take in the information, process it and build a response, all in the blink of an eye. “No you aren’t. You are Lance. Mate of Mary and my legal foster father.

“Therese I need you to remember me.” He said, spreading out holographic images over the table, laying them out for Therese to look at. “You were born in this building.”

“N-No. No I wasn’t I was born in my parent’s home and kept a secret.”

“You were born in this building after being artificially conceived. You and three other embryos. 645 A, B and C.” He said, sorting through the images to the ones of the petri dishes. “This is you. Just a cluster of cells but so important.”

“No…” Therese picked up the hologram, the air between her fingers where the light lay feeling thick. She looked at the three petri dishes. Staring at the one labelled 645A.

“You were implanted in your mother, we deceived her. Because we as a society needed her embryos. You and your brother, were born with the Cure already running through your veins.” He showed her pictures of her mother in labour and her as a baby, resting peacefully in Arthur’s arms.

She shook her head, disbelievingly. “That’s not possible.”

“That’s what we thought, but the universe found a way. The Cure is failing Therese. People are becoming immune to it. Building antibodies, Darwin’s theory of evolution, and natural selection. You were selectively bred, but only you survived. The other two embryos when implanted into wombs.”

“Failures.” Arthur cut in, his eyes had never left the brunette since he had first laid eyes on her. “But not you.”

“You were born and we struck a deal with your parents. They got to keep you, but we got you 50% of the time. We raised you.” He put a picture of the two of them in the park, Therese must have only been around three years old, beaming as he pushed her on the swings.  She noted to herself how happy she looked. “Trained you.” The next was of her running through an obstacle course, age seven, her face blank as she concentrated on what was ahead. “Monitored you.” It was a photo of her sat in her old bedroom window, staring out into the empty streets miserably. “And wiped your memory at the end of each session. But when you were eight years old, your parents tried to take you.”

“Take me?” She asked as she was shown images of a crime scene. Empty cupboards, packed bags, a van of soldiers.

“Away from us. They didn’t agree with our… nurturing methods anymore. They were exiled and you were put into my care. You grew up, and were placed early in the working environment in an effort to build some essential social skills you had lost from all the memory wipes.”

“Then why haven’t you left me alone?! You said yourself I was born immune.” She clenched her fingers pressed against the table, only then noticing how they aligned perfectly with the deep scratches. She stared down at them whilst Lancelot continued.

“You were, but to find a new cure, we needed you to fall in love. And fall in love you did. And here we are… Back full circle. Straight to where you were destined to be, from when you were an egg removed from your mother’s ovaries.”

“Fall in love?” Therese’s head snapped up. She suddenly leant in, as far as the clamps would allow her. “Where the fuck is Carol, Lance?” She growled, the green in her eyes receding a little.

“When was the last time you had your Weetabix Therese?” Arthur asked a little warily.

The brunette sat back in her chair, scoffing at his mundane question. “I’m sat here, barely dressed and in restraints, being told that I’m some sort of lab creation, and you’re asking me when I last had breakfast?”

“Just answer the question Therese…” Lancelot sighed. Therese’s ear subconsciously twitched as she heard the scuffling of the soldier’s uniforms, not needing to turn around to know that they had raised their guns to her head.

“5 days ago… I haven’t been eating a lot recently…” Arthur nodded to the soldier behind her and she felt a sharp sting in the side of her neck where it was punctured with a needle. She gasped as the red liquid was pushed into her veins. “What the fuck was that?” She asked after the needle was removed.

“A precaution.”

“A precaution? What… are you scared that a small girl like me is going to break out of these?!” She asked incredulously, waving her hands that were restricted on the table.

Arthur sighed. “Well, yes… we have no idea what you are capable of Therese. Our last assessment was when you were 10 years old. God knows what you could do now.”

“Lance, what is he talking about?” She said looking at Arthur before directing her attention to the man sat in front of her. “Why am I being treated like an animal?!”

“Therese when you were being made we saw an opportunity. From you, a cure will be made for the whole population. With such a wide spread drug being made, Arthur saw a chance to activate another project. Project Emmanuel. The objective – to perfect the human race, to evolve into higher beings. Like you.”

“Immune? Well I’m sorry to burst your bubble but the whole reason I’m sat in this chair is because I’m _not_ immune. Carol? Carol is cured. This has nothing to do with her. And as for all this you’re telling me… I’m not perfect in anyway. So all this poking around in my brain, wiping it again and again, it has all been for nothing.”

“Your memory was wiped because… because the Emmanuel project changes your biology, and that had to be kept a secret. Have you ever found your social skills not quite up to everyone else’s standard? You pick up games quickly. You rarely tire out. You win every fight you have fought. Your senses are heightened. You have more strength than one should for a girl of your stature. You can predict people’s movement fairly quickly. Heal in days when it should be weeks.”

“Yes, I’m agile and weird your point is.” Therese said brushing it off.

“The Emmanuel project.” Lance swiped the images off the table and replaced them with new ones of close micro biology.  “A bunch of synthetic proteins and DNA that heighten your human abilities. It was programmed into your DNA. Super strength, sight, hearing, senses in general, healing, power, brain functions, intelligence, everything.”

Therese chuckled, looking at the moving proteins, the videos of her sparring as a child, how the men would go flying, the robotics would smash. How each fight was over come even if she was blindfolded, time lapses of scars healing at inhuman rates.  “This sounds like the superhero stories you used to read to me Lance.”

“Why do you think I read them? You were brought here. Trained, tested, perfected.” He said, sorting through the videos, showing Therese the unrecognisable violent little child who tore through each exercise.  “There were times where you lost all control…”He hesitated before pulling up the next video. It was the day labelled ‘the culling’. She watched the doctors, and one which looked eerily familiar, experiment on her back, withdrawing bone marrow as she screamed, and then something inside the young girl snapped. Therese watched herself, tear the soldiers apart, limb from limb, shooting them all without remorse, chasing them down corridors. Then she watched herself being shot, pulling the bullet out, throwing it at another, the speed a gun would. “You were too young for your powers, which is why you have a damper serum, just like the one we pushed into your neck. And a starter serum to stop the damper, just like the one that you will be administered in just under an hour.”

Therese was in their eyes perfect. Not only did she hold the key for immunity to love in her DNA, but she could heal rapidly, allowing for more testing. And thanks to her, the new generation would be stronger, harder, better. “Damper… starter…” Therese asked, trying to absorb all this information, trying to find the truths and lies. She could remember, she had the memories that fit the stories they were like a messy rolodex she hadn’t seen in years, flickering through her mind but she refused to believe in their mere existence. “This isn’t me. You’re lying.”

“You heard me Therese… You’re just asking stupid questions because you are refusing to believe me.” He said letting the footage of her training play.

Therese watched them all, taking them all in at once, filling in the gaps of her memory, the harshness of it all scaring her, though her face didn’t let one emotion slip through. It was as if it was all building the more she took in and as she watched herself put another bullet in some poor man’s head it all hit her like a slap to the face, just like it had done with Arthur. She wracked her brain for a discrepancy until she found one. “If I had a damper serum to stop these ‘super powers’ then how come I haven’t been given it?”

“It is laced into your Weetabix which you eat every morning. Doctor Robichek documents it every day.” He said, pulling up Doctor Robichek’s file.

“Doctor Robichek? You mean Mrs Robichek? My matron? Ok. Come out! This game is getting tiring!” She said flicking through it, seeing a younger less tiresome matron in a lab coat, looking through microscopes, holding Therese as a baby, putting an IV in her arm, taking bone marrow from her back. She turned to ‘the Culling’ video. Pausing, rewinding and zooming in, recognising her, even though she had a surgical mask on.

“This isn’t a game, this is real life, and the quicker you accept that, the less pain you and Carol will have to go through!” Lance snapped,

“Carol?” She could see the regret on Lance’s face over his choice of words. “What have you done to her?” She said tensing in her clamps. “If you lay a finger on her or if she is hurt in any way I swear I will kill you…” She threatened, her eyes darting from Lancelot’s blank ones to Arthur’s smiling. “All.”

The white haired man narrowed his eyes at his pet project. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough killing 645A?”

Therese broke eye contact, swiping the holograms away. “That isn’t me in those videos…”

“Stop lying to yourself, I know you remember.”

“I don’t.” She lied. “That isn’t me.”

“You do, you’re lying!” He got up from his chair, storming over to the table to lean on it in front of her, pressing her into the truth.

“That isn’t me!”

“Tell me the truth!”

“YOU MADE ME INTO A MONSTER! WHAT AM I?! YOUR OWN PERSONAL WEAPON! YOU CAN’T DO THIS. IT’S WRITTEN IN THE SEEC ITSELF! I AM NOT YOUR PROPERTY!”

“Oh but you are 645A.” He smirked, wiping off a little drop of spit on his face from Therese’s outburst. “Your genome is patented and is owned by the Panel! You are mine.”

“If I am this weapon then you are stupid, because the only person I wish to kill is you. Now where is Carol?!” She said, her mind only focusing on one thing now. She had remembered. She hadn’t fully accepted it, but the blonde was the only thing on her mind, and the promise she made to walk out of this.

“Therese… tell me everything that you remember…comply… and I promise you, Carol will be safe.” Lance cut in as he could see Therese’s body turning a light shade of pink, sweating out the damper serum. They had made their weapon to good.  He saw her calm, and relax in her seat, nodding to a soldier to inject her again, which he did. “Go on… Tell me what you remember… What is my name?”

“Lancelot.” She gritted.

“Who am I?”

“Member of the Panel. Deals with ‘Personal Relations’.” The answers slipped from her lips easily as if she had been practicing them all her life.

“And who is he?” He said, gesturing his head behind him.

“Arthur. Head of the Panel. Proud owner of an overblown ego, god complex and nearly insane obsession with myself – Correction! Totally insane obsession for myself.” She smirked watching his face turn sour, before turning to slowly walk back to his seat.

“Who are you?” Lance asked, and she took a moment to think.

“Therese Belivet. 21 years old today. Happy Birthday to me. Lab rat. Abomination. Farmer. Friend. Animal…” The words slipped her mouth and she remembered Carol’s words from what felt so long ago. _You are not an animal, don’t you ever forget that…_ “No actually I’m not an animal no matter how hard you tried to make me… Daughter. Feral. Victim. Killer. Inhuman…Court. But I refuse to be 645A.” She said, looking directly at Arthur who she was pretty sure didn’t even blink in her presence.

“Ok… What happened the day you were separated from your parents?” The question took Therese by surprised. But she looked at the table and took her time, her brain answering before she even knew it herself. “They came home. Panicked. We packed, wanting to make a break for the border. Soldiers stormed the place. There was gas… red. They dragged us from the house… Tommy and I…. we were pulled away… I… crashed the van by errm… kicking off one of its wheels. I pulled out Tommy… And I ran towards my parents. There was a gunshot, and then… darkness. A lot of the nightmares I have, some of which I recognise in these memories, end with a bullet…” She contemplated, adding the question in her head which seemed to be, forever expanding. “But I have no memory more recent than that… Did you take those memories…? Along with these ones? Is there more?”

“No… They were exiled. You had burned the damper from your system, crashed the van and the only way we could stop you was with a bullet to the head…”

“I was a child.” She said, disgusted, more flashbacks coming into the light. The feeling of betrayal and then a sharp pain as the walls ran in red. “You shot me…?”

“A soldier did.”

“No - Arthur!” She said snapping her attention away from Lancelot. “In the culling you shot me! You are always in my mind. Whenever I see children, sometimes when I sleep, I am in a white corridor and you shoot me, square between the eyes…”

Arthur scratched at his neatly shaved beard, brushing off the multiple deaths of Therese Belivet. “You wouldn’t stop.”

“How many times have I died?”

“Technically, not even once. You heal at a remarkable rate, but a bullet to the head is the hardest to heal because your brain is so complex.”

“Let me rephrase that. How many times have you put a bullet in a scared and abused child’s head?” She pressed, leaving them no remorse, not that she thought they deserved any.

Lancelot looked to Arthur who nodded before answering her. “6 times…. It was when everything got too much. When you were unstoppable.”

“H-How many people have I killed?” The last word stuck in her throat.

“Therese-” He started, trying to find a way to dodge round the question, but she didn’t let him.

“HOW MANY LANCE?!” She said slamming her fists down.

“29…” He mumbled, not even making eye contact. But she heard him.

“29 people? You let me kill 29 innocent people… What have you done to me…? What have you made me into?!” Lance stared at his folder of flashing notes and videos, images of the torture they had put Therese through during her childhood. The names of the dead. The tab containing her surgeries, and the hidden branching projects that he couldn’t even bring himself to look upon without wanting to crawl into a small cowering ball of regret and shame. He looked up once more, not really knowing what to say to the woman who sat before him, seething with anger, hating each cell that labelled her something more than human, or ‘Homosuperior’ as they liked to call it.

He saw the change in her, from when she was a small girl, submissive and passive to the torture they used to put her through, because it was all she had ever know, and how much older she was now. Aggressive, protective and with a mind of her own. He was proud, but also at a loss, because the submissive girl she used to be would make this process a whole lot easier. “WHERE IS CAROL?!” She screamed, yanking him from his thoughts.

Lancelot, exhaled shakily, turning to his superior. “This is where my part to play in this fucked up orchestration ends. I will join the others. Excuse me.” He stood quickly, walking away from his foster daughter, the closest thing he had to a daughter, trying to shut out her screams for him, her questions he knew she would have to figure out for herself. He jogged into his office, pulling the key from the chain around his neck to open a hidden safe underneath the tiled floor.

He opened it, delicately pulling out the photographs from inside, blowing the dust off of them. He fell to his chair, as he stared at the three or four photos he had, where Therese was actually smiling. Playing. Where he was reading to her softly as she fell asleep, only to be awoken by horrific nightmares.

He felt one tear fall, and then one more, watching them hit their happy faces. Slowly, he pulled the happier days to his chest, remembering the way she had looked at him with such hatred, letting more tears stream.

“I’m sorry Terry… This has gone further than I ever thought it would… I am so, so sorry…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get commenting ;)


	25. Release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Very detailed action and violence of a strong nature.

“WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?! WHERE IS CAROL?!” Therese screamed. A minute after Lancelot had left, she had been unshackled, but hauled off of her chair and into the air, her feet barely even scraping the floor as she lashed out. She managed to land a few blows, but the more gave, the more men came to fight against each limb. Never the less it didn’t stop her from yelling, fighting, and flaying.

The next thing she knew she was being dragged into an arena of sorts. She was thrown onto her hands and knees onto the padded floor, the soldiers that once restrained her had armed themselves with their guns.

As she looked around the pristine black arena, every edge lined in fancy neon blue wiring, making the place glow. New-old memories resurfaced of her training and sparring in this room. The way the Panel had groomed her into a perfect weapon in this very room. Her eyes scanned the room, noticing Arthur and a couple other members of the Panel, stood arrogantly in their viewing box, sipping whiskey in their high tower.

She flipped them off, building up her barriers for extra defence, as she stumbled to her feet, watching the 20 or more soldiers jog in, all their guns aimed at her, bar one who threw her a pair of white shorts, and a sports top. Arthur’s voice filtered through the system. “Change.”

“Fuck you.” She spat, only to hear all the soldiers clicking off their safeties. She smirked, slipping the clothing on under her gown before taking it off. “Sorry for not giving you a free show, boys.” She said, chucking the garment at one of the soldier, her sarcasm acting as another layer of the already mile thick wall she had between her and the Panel.

Therese was smart enough to know by now that they weren’t going to ask any of her many questions. Where was Carol? Was she hurt? What gave them the right to play God? When was the soonest she could leave? Could she leave with Carol? What did they want from her? Would Carol walk from this alive? Would she?

Instead, she had to think of other ways to answer them herself. She would comply, and observed, find their weak spot, take back Carol and run. Far away. She wasn’t sure how exactly she was going to pull all of this off, but she was good at thinking on her feet. She buried the possibility of Carol already being dead into the back of her head. Because she would feel it. She knew she would feel something.

“Now what? Would you like me to dance?” She taunted, looking up at their clear box and scrutinising faces.

“No… We would like you to fight.” Just then she felt two darts hit her neck and liquid push into it rapidly. She pulled them out, looking down at them, studying the small green residue left inside. “Tell me when you feel the tingling.”

“The tingling? What is thi-” She suddenly felt her whole body give out and every single one of her muscles, even the ones she didn’t know existed spasm uncontrollably. She felt the darts being yanked from her grasp by a wary soldier, her gun slightly trembling in her grasp as she back away from the seizing brunette.

Therese’s lungs were on fire as all the oxygen was being burnt from her systems, letting the fluid light every cell in her body, ridding her of the restrictive damper, only letting her breathe when every trace of it was gone.

She sucked the air in, rolling to her side, panting as she coughed up some red sludge onto the black floor, wiping the side of her mouth when she was finished. “What are you doing to me?”

“That was your first activation serum in 11 years. There was a lot of damper to burn through so I’m not surprised your body reacted so violently, but luckily you managed to get most of it out.”

“Yeah… luckily…” She said, pushing herself to her feet once more, but as soon as she did everything was different. She could hear Arthurs heart beat from where she stood, see a soldier’s face sweat in beads down his temple, taste each chemical in the chemicals in her mouth, feel the trickle of air that was coming from a vent about 30 feet up one of the walls of the arena. “What is this?”

“Your senses, they are readjusting.” Arthur said, swiping through Therese’s vitals on the screen in front of him. “Perfectly… actually much quicker than usual… now to see if what we drilled into you has managed to survive.”

“NO!” She snapped. “I will not fight. That number will not raise above 30, you being the 30th… I refuse. I will not be your animal…”

Arthur chuckled, shaking his head as the others around him smiled. “Someone bring up the live feed with Tristan.” Bedivere tapped a few buttons on the monitor before a video pixelated in on the far wall. It was Carol strapped to a hospital bed, struggling against restraints, screaming her name.

“Carol!” She called out to the blonde fighting on screen, running over to where it was projected, soldiers and guns training her every move. “Don’t touch her… If you lay one finger on her I swear…”

“You’ll what…? Kill me? The only way you could do that is by getting through all 30 of these men. 30 men who have been training since the ripe age of 16, to kill _you_ … I could have a bullet put through her head with a click of my fingers and you would still be stood in the middle of this arena, just without the woman you love, and I would be breathing… fairly easily.”

“You’re evil.”

“NO! I am a revolutionary. I am going to take this race places it has never been before. We will stand, unstoppable and loveless. We will be the most advance race this planet has ever seen. That _humans_ have ever seen. But it all started with your genome. _Your_ DNA. Fight.”

She gritted her teeth, walking back to the centre of the room, kneeling and raising her hands behind her head in surrender. “No.”

“Tristan? Can you hear me?” A deep voice trickled through stating ‘affirmative’. “Would you be so kind to stand behind Miss Ross and place a gun to her head?” She watched in shock as a man in green walked behind her love raising the barrel to her head.

“Stop it Arthur!” She shouted, to be ignored.

“Would you show us the safety?” The man showed the safety was off before replacing it at the back of her head.

“STOP IT! NOW!” She pled desperately.

“Now would you tell Miss Ross that Therese never loved her, and she never will?” Tristan leaned in, whispering in the blonde’s ear inaudibly, but the ‘I know’ that came from the blonde hit like a million cars, pushing the brunette on to her hands, as she watched on.

“CAROL!” She called out once more, wanting to cry, but not allowing herself as Arthur studied her reaction. She fisted her hair in her hands but Arthur had run out of patience.

“Now would you pull-“

“FINE!” Therese cut him off, pleading, moving closer to the box but the soldiers stepped forward. “STOP! I’LL FIGHT! JUST LEAVE HER ALONE PLEASE!”

Arthur stared her down, the dominance giving him a rush, to still be able to bend this girl under his will. “Stand down Tristan.” He concluded.

The barrel fell from her head, and Therese finally let herself breathe. She stood rather abruptly when the stream was closed, leaving her staring blankly at a wall. “You’re good…” She scoffed. “You find me, a girl who has to fall in love to give yourself the Cure for everyone, because your previous one is too shit. Then you turn her into a weapon, and control her with the person that you knew she would fall in love with… I have to hand it to you…” She shook her head, looking to the soldiers around her. “Fine, watch your precious weapon get beat and shot to the ground. But no matter what happens here, there is one person I promise to kill… and that is you.”

He met her snarl with indifference, feeling rather safe in his viewing box. “Prepare.” Half the soldiers slung their guns onto their backs, lifting their fists whilst the rest kept their tightly trained on her. “Let’s see what you can do 645A.”

“Therese.” She corrected.

“Therese…” He huffed. “Begin.”

///

“Right, take off the cuffs.” Tristan said to the soldiers.

“What?” The blonde asked as they undid the buckles on her ankles and wrists. Once free she rubbed the raw skin in her palms, trying to soothe it to no avail.

Tristan opened the door. “You can either, walk civilly, or be dragged kicking and screaming, either way you’ll see your precious court.”

Carol’s eyes widened at the news, her heart pounding a little harder. “You’re taking me to Therese?”

“Well, we need some way to stop her don’t we. I’ll be damned if I’m added to the growing list of death, that follows her around.” Carol frowned looking confused. “Oh don’t worry. You’re safe. Lucky you.”

“Safe from what?” she asked as she followed him out the door.

“From… IT.”

///

“FORMATION X!” One of the soldiers barked, and they all moved like a wave in a sea of white uniforms, stepping into a pyramid formation, slowly closing in on Therese who was walking back from their advances. “ENAGAGE!”  The first soldier lunged. And Therese found herself dodging it.

She looked down at herself, wondering how she did that, to look up and get hit square in the jaw. It put her on her ass and it hurt. “That was rude.” She grunted as she made her way to her feet but the soldier clipped her once more with the butt of his gun, snapping her head round. But she chuckled as she spat the blood on the floor, the taste quickly clearing as the cut on her lip disappeared as quickly as it came. “C’mon. My court’s friend hits harder than you.” The soldier lunged at her, but she jumped to her feet, grabbing his uniform to push him away, past her. But he didn’t stumble. He flew, through the air and didn’t stop until his back hit the wall and he slid down it. “Holy shit.”

She looked at the soldier on the other side of the arena, doubled over in pain, hearing two more advancing behind her. She could hear the moving of the material of his uniform to smack her square in the back with the butt of his gun but she ducked grabbing the gun from above her head, yanking it from his grasp, sending it flying to break apart against the wall.

Arthur looked upon the meditated fight, watching the weapon of destruction he had made, fight the trained officers tamely. Not doing any damage, using their punches against themselves, pushing them away, hurting them just enough so they wouldn’t try to get back up. She dodged punches and kicks or just took them, not really having much of an effect on her.

He grunted unhappily as his peers whispered how dissatisfied they were but he hushed them all as the last soldier came to the ground. “You think you’re so smart don’t you?” He sneered through the speakers, getting the attention of the brunette.

“You said fight. I fought. I won.” She said gesturing to the men and women who were slowly getting on their feet, groaning and grunting from fractured ribs and bruising muscles.

“You are pulling your punches, you hit harder when you were 8. Only hitting as hard as you have to. Did you really think you could just throw a couple soldiers and walk from this arena, collect your precious love and walk hand in hand to that sweet house on the lake you built?”

She shrugged, as she hadn’t even broken a sweat. “Well, in a perfect world-“

“This world isn’t perfect!” He snapped throwing his fists to the monitor, making the holograms flicker. “Not yet! Not without you! YOU are the key to perfection! You are this Panel’s Holy Grail, you will bring about new life and eternal power so you _will_ show your potential. You will!”

“Make me…” She leered.

He came off the mic, tapping into the soldier’s ear pieces. “Shoot her in the leg.” His command was obey and she clutched the wound as the bullet buried in her leg, falling to the floor.

“Fucking hell!” She groaned as she tried to breathe through the pain, but as she looked down at the bleeding hole, she could see her muscles pulsing around the bullet, pushing it out and stitching up around the hole, the pink flesh the only sign she had ever been shot.

“Again. The arm.” His commands were obeyed and she felt another bury deep in her arm, her yelp followed by the sound of the bullet hitting the ground. She could feel her temper bubbling and Arthur could see it, smiling as he leant forward. “You can feel it can’t you. That instinct. The instinct to fight. You can feel it overriding you. Again. Shoulder.”

Another bullet whizzed through the air, hitting her in the shoulder. She grunted, groaning out as she pushed it from her body once more. “Stop it…” She panted, rising slowly.

“No… You can feel it inside of you, inside your head, in your blood, the want to stop it all… They’re hurting you Therese. Again.”  Another passed straight through her hand. “They’re going to torture you, again and again and again. Do it.” Another passed into her leg, pushing her on to one knee.

“I feel nothing.”

“You’re lying.” He said pulling her vitals. “Your heart raise rose.”

“Maybe that’s because they keep shooting me.” Another hit her shoulder.

“You feel it. Rising inside of you. And yes, you can sit there and take bullet after bullet, just for my enjoyment, but Carol would have died from blood loss by now.” That gained Therese’s attention and his eyes glinted as it did. “She would have been writhing in agony… Don’t make me threaten you Therese. We both know you’ll end up fighting. You can feel the want. The need.”

It was true. Her fingers were twitching as she sensed the next soldier rising her gun barrel, her finger trembling on the trigger. She imagined dodging it, or ripping that blasted thing from her hands and crushing it between her fingers, but instead she took the bullet to the arm.

“It’s a shame I have to keep threatening that poor pretty blonde you say you love. You see how love is weakness now Therese?”

“Well I don’t tend to have psychos threatening to kill her every other minute. Well not on a good day anyway.” She said, morbidly joked expelling the last bullet from her system.

“I’m being kind to you Therese.”

“Well gee thanks. I appreciate it.”

“I could threaten to have everyone Carol knows killed. She’d never want anything to do with you ever again.” He looked at his monitor as Therese’s blood pressure raised. “Or I could … Or, I could pull those pretty little nails from her fingers… The list really just does not stop.” It rose further. “I could move her into Brunel, make her work as an escort. Fucking random lonely men and women who can’t be arsed to fuck their mates.” He smirked as the soldiers closed in, and her heart rate gradually increased. “Or… I don’t know… I could make her my own mate and have her locked in a room, only seeing daylight when I pleased.” And it was like the whole orchestration was fated.

The bullet ripped from the gun, another unfatal shot, but she dodged it, letting it hit the person behind her. “I’m coming for you.” She snarled, her eyes darkening, just like he wanted, before she leapt into action, ripping the gun from the fighter, breaking it over her knee before smacking him round the face with half of it, watching him fly of his feet and spiral in the air before landing, unconscious on the floor.

“No holding back. Shoot to kill.” From those words onwards it was a sea of red, either Therese’s blood or the troops. Arthur’s grin widened as he pulled his colleagues to watch upon his work, and despair as she pulled a soldier in front of her, using her body as a shield as neared another, pulling the human shield’s glock from their holder, shooting with meticulous precision that came naturally, her system finding unnatural to make anything but a head shot, but she could feel herself screaming inside, pushing through want for compassion, trying to make unfatal shots to mame and not kill.

She was taking them down like flies until a soldier shot through the struggling soldier in her grasp and into her chest, she let the limp man go, clutching at her burning lung, the instincts taking over once more as she reached into her chest and pulled the hot metal free feeling the muscles begin to tie up but the troops took their opportunity to attack beating her down, further and further.

She lay on the floor trying to grasp a breath as she was punched again and again. “You can feel it building Therese.” She heard Arthur filtering through the malicious attack from above. “Let go.” She grunted as another hit her, the anger bubbling inside her as she tried to listen to the voice getting quieter and quieter in her head. _You’re not an animal._ But the reassuring words were being drowned by the assault on her body, the purple flowering bruises, fading back into her body. “LET GO! 645A!”

And it was as if something had snapped inside of her. Therese was no longer there, Therese was the side of her that found the joy in working hard, looking out on the fields and fields, riding horses and doing anything to make Carol smile. But the beast inside was slowly rearing its ugly head, only finding joy in crushing those that dare to hurt her.

She caught the next fist that dare aim at her crumpled state on the floor, the green irises now consumed by black, widening even further at the screams of the man whose fist was now crushed in her hand. She tossed him away like a ragdoll, breaking his arm in the process, catching another surprised victims leg, snapping it easily like as if it was made from thin glass.

She swiped it out from under him, rolling on top of the screaming man, holding onto him as she rolled again, his body taking the spray of bullets aimed at her, swiping his hand gun as she did, staying in motion as she pushed herself into the air off his chest, hearing it crack beneath her before she landed on her feet.

It was as if she had been doing it her entire life as the soldiers began to drop to the floor, their heads tilted back with a bullet hole smack in the centre. She was hit with a wave of bullets hearing a fighter yelling into the air as he kept his finger on the trigger, not doing anything to slow her unstoppable body, not opening his eyes even when he felt her knee drive up into his ribcage, flying him from his stance on the floor, watching him hit the ceiling before falling back to the ground.

There were only around ten left standing. Breathing rapidly, their guns shaking with fear as they watched their comrades fail one after the other.  Four attacked as a unit, charging, the brunette mirroring their actions, running towards them, propelling herself into the air, taking the bullets as if they were made of sponge, hitting two of them down as she landed. The two beside her sprang into action, but she swept their punches past her with ease, instead focusing on the other six who were currently getting out more heavy artillery.

She thought on her feet, clamping her hand over one of her attackers guns, crushing the barrel, making it implode once fired. She swiped the last fighters feet, picking up a jagged piece of explode artillery, burying it in her chest before taking to her feet, running like the wind as the burn on her hand healed. She ran to a wall, looking back as the belt of bullets was being prepared to load into the turret. “Seriously?” She called out, punching a hole through the wall, gaining nothing, she switched from panel to panel, doing the same thing until one of the lights flickered. _Bingo._ She thought as her hands met wire. “A turret?”

“Well, we had to push you 645A.” He smirked, as his peers looked upon the bloody mess thoroughly pleased.

She smiled, pulling the panel off the wall, throwing it the troop’s way, only catching one of them. “You’re an idiot.”

“You really think one of those panels will protect you from the size of those bullets?”

“No, I said _you’re_ the idiot.” She said her hands fiddling with the wires. “The inventor made his experiment smarter than himself… I like the neon by the way, very aesthetic.” She said, gesturing around, not caring for the high artillery turret now locking on her body, adjusting its guns. She smiled wickedly as she yanked a wire, watching them flicker out.

Arthur’s smile dropped. “Wait.”

“You know all those lessons, hacking, machinery, electronics, circuitry did come in handy no matter how mind numbing they were. And you know, you are awfully cocksure of yourself. You haven’t even been watching my hands fiddling with these very important wires over here. Mapping them, tracing over the circuit. You know I can hear the electricity buzzing in that protective cage of yours. It’s getting a little annoying. Would you excuse me a minute?” She asked the men in the box that were looking around their surroundings warily, not understanding the huge grin on Therese’s face.

“Open fire!” Arthur ordered but as he did, Therese pulled her hand out of the wall, killing the lights in the arena, plunging them into darkness, the only light was the explosion for bullets from the aimlessly wandering turret and the white light from the clear viewing box, hanging like a dim lightbulb in the dark.

Arthur turned the sound up, only hearing cries of agony in the pitch black. “GET THE LIGHTS ON! NOW!” His men took to the monitors, desperately searching for a way into the arena without stepping a foot inside.

Therese was like a panther, hopping from person to person, their deaths coming through noisily on the surround sound. She panted heavily running round using her senses, smelling the fear on each of them as they tried running, tripping over bodies. She ducked the bullets from the blind turret easily, ripping the man from its seat.

The men and women in the box rushed before finally one of them called out that he’d got it, flicking the arena lights back on, searching the arena for any signs of life. There were none, as their best soldiers lay splattered in red, around the tattered pit.

“Where is she?!” One of them called, noticing that their weapon was nowhere to be seen. “WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?!” They said panicking, looking about before folding. “I’m getting out of here.” Gawain said, running over to the door, placing his hand on the door, to scan his palm but it rejected him. “Hey… HEY! It’s not working. Why isn’t it working?!” he said slamming his fists against the door as he was rejected repeatedly.

“Look.” Mordred said, pointing to the turret where a piece of control panel lay, taunting them. “She ripped out part of the system…”

“Shit…” Arthur sighed still scanning about nervously, a drop of sweat betraying his cool demeanour. “There she is.” he called, watching the girl drenched in red, walking to the other end of the arena.

She turned at the end, bowing mockingly, pointing to her handy work, before her face turned cold. “Run.” She stated before she broke into a sprint straight towards the floating box jumping off the ground, her body flying from the floor, twenty feet into the air until she was parallel with the box and landed on it. The Panel gasped, running about in panic clawing at the door shouting to be let out as soldiers on the other side tried to batter it down, but Therese only had eyes for Arthur, who stood still looking at his black eyed creation, still in awe as he awaited his impending death. Therese was about to smash through the box when he smiled, and it halted all her movements.

She frowned, the feeling of not knowing, killing her. “WHAT?!” She barked, falling on her hands and knees, the blood smearing on the clear material. “What’s so funny?”

“You missed one.”

“What?-” And then she was shot in the neck. Her blood spilt onto the box, cutting her sight from Arthur who was immediately getting to work, tapping his way at the monitor as she choked. Once again, the bullet was pushed out of her system and she gasped for breath as she knitted back together. When she could stand she found the poor soldier gasping on the floor, clutching her broken arm.

She jumped from the viewing box, landing crouched, standing before making her way over to the struggling troop that was shooting from her hand gun, missing each time. She began to panic as she ran out of bullets and prepared for her death, to join the rest of her squadron, when a disbelieving voice cut through it all. It cut through the cloud in the brunette’s head, through the need to crush the enemy, through her carefully detailed plan, because her endgame was now calling or her. “Stop!” The voice screamed.

She slowly turned panting before sighing with relief at the sight of the blonde in the corner, unaccompanied and horrified. “Carol?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And some of you doubted that this wasnt a Sci Fi but a dystopia. lol.
> 
> Again, you know what to do ;)


	26. Infinitesimal Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllooooo! If we are still confused by some of the sciencey shit in this fic, please don't be afraid to ask or just look in the comment section from the last chapter. I've tried my best to explain it, and i will be delighted in trying to find new quirky metaphors to try explain it to you guys.
> 
> Anyway Read on ;)

“Carol?” She said sceptically, a smile breaking out over her face as her love stood in the corner. She ran over exceptionally fast, jumping over the limp bodies with ease, stopping just in front of the horrified blonde. “You’re here.” She said, her brain not taking in Carol’s wide eye that roamed the room of death and the blood that stained Therese’s clothing. “You’re here…”She repeated, the green in her eyes returning as her body relaxed, not noticing how stiff her court’s was.

“Therese…” Carol said, tears falling from her eyes as she brought her hand up to her mouth to shield her quivering lip. “What happened?”

“Carol…” She breathed reaching for her but she flinched, so she brought back her hand and held it to her chest, trying not to scream out her anguish over the way the blonde looked at her in fear. “I love you. You know that right? I love you.”

“Y-Yes I know.” Carol said, bringing her hand down, the angry red lines around her wrists peaking Therese’s attention.

“Ok…” She said, satisfied, knowing the video from earlier must have been Carol trying to protect her from being exiled. If only she knew that Therese would probably never leave this building let alone country. “Did they hurt you?”

“N-No…” Carol said shakily, consciously covering her wrists with her hands. “Did you hurt them?” She nodded to the people lying dead or dying all over the arena, the one woman who survived praying to ‘All’ in the corner.

“I… I...” She said as her eyes watered, looking around the room in Carol’s perspective. The bodies that were littered around the arena seemed to seep in any possible sound and intimidate them with their silence. “I hurt them…” Therese said, crumbling to her knees, looking over the room of death decorated with the blood of the fallen. “I… they made me. They were going to kill you…” She said burying her head in her hands, smearing the sprays of blood on her face. “They have made me into a monster Carol. Forget being an animal, I’m a monster… I’m not even human.”

“Therese what have they done to you…?” Carol said her eyes flickering to the white box that floated above them. The Panel stood still as they looked upon their experiment. “Wha… So many… so many are dead. You couldn’t kill these people. I know you. I know you couldn’t. You aren’t capable. I don’t believe it. I won’t!”

Therese scoffed, raising her head. “The Panel…They played ‘All’… they made me into a weapon. I did this… I didn’t even break a sweat. I was barely there. It was like I was inside my head, watching someone fight through their eyes, but I felt all the pain… I felt everything.”

Carol was stuck for words as the love of her life sat knelt on the floor, looking over her work with despair, crying and ashamed, wracked with guilt. It was odd, because Carol’s state of confusion let her see Therese clearly. She could drift in those green orbs and see the terror, the shame and the guilt, clawing over her everything, consuming her. It was her Therese looking at her now, and she refused to add to that pain.

“I love you…” Carol said, making the brunette turn her head. Carol couldn’t believe herself. It came from the heart, and it hurt, but she was sure it was love. Burning love. It made no sense, it hurt so much seeing all the death and despair that had come at the wrath of her lover but she still did “How do I still love you?” Therese got to her feet, walking over, taking the blonde’s face in her hands, staining the porcelain skin with red.

“You love me?” Therese asked crying as the Carol nodded her head finally making eye contact as her gaze was ripped away from all the terrifying red to the calming green. What else was there for the blonde to say but ‘I love you’? Carol was smart, even with no semblance what was going on in that room. She knew Therese Belivet was not a killer.

Carol had seen the room of death and the clothes that dripped with blood, hanging off her angel’s body. She had heard her words and trusted her implicitly. Even though every moral was telling her to do the exact opposite. She was the one person on the planet who understood Therese. She could have said, ‘Therese I don’t believe it’ or ‘Why did you do this?’ or ‘What the fuck is going on?’. But after all those conversations, the last thing she would tell the brunette was that she loved her.

Carol was smart.

But Therese was a genius. Her eyes had taken in every flicker of the grey ones she stared into, every tremble, she could hear the pace of Carol’s heart beat fluctuating, smell the chemicals in her brain releasing. She let go, looking to the control box before walking over to it. She jumped, propelling herself through the air, landing on it, smashing through the ceiling with her foot.

The glass fell out beneath her, and so did the courage of the men and women as they screamed, watching her descend gracefully. Every gun in the room was traced on her, and Arthur stood behind a wall of people. People she did not wish to kill.

She stood amongst her kind, in a room full of monsters and she looked around at the people who saw her as a number on a screen. The entire Panel stood before her. She sighed looking at their cowering faces before feeling a syringe press into her neck. Her veins being forcefully pressed into by a red damper serum.

She held the man’s hand in place as she tensed her neck, forcing the chemical back into the syringe, the people in the room gasping as they watched her. Therese pulled the syringe out, taking the man’s hand in her own before replacing the vial in it. When she looked up to see his horrified and trembling face sweating, looking at her with pure unadulterated fear she let go.

“Galahad. Don’t make me angry.” She said calmly as Galahad gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing. She let go of his hand, walking over to the monitor, picking up a glass sheet before turning it on. She swiped through her file which was bustling with new information, ready to be filed but she swept past it all going to the very beginning. She turned her attention to the control panel, flicking a few switches and typing a few bars of code before entering it.

“Stay put.” She said knowing they couldn’t get anywhere, her code dead bolting the door and cutting off most communications. They were fish in a barrel. Jumping once more to land in front of Carol once more, the blonde looked at her in confusion.

“H-How did you do that?” She asked pointing to the viewing box that Therese couldn’t bear to look at for one more second. She found the nearest wall and slid down it, leaving a path of red behind her.

“Sit. Please.” Carol looked apprehensively as Therese crossed her legs and looked to her. “13, please I’ll explain it all.”

The term of endearment hit like a bullet to the heart as she watched the love of her life pled for her, so she obeyed and sat beside her, looking to her angel’s profile which focused on the monitor in front of her. After a few taps she swiped the footage, images and files into the air space just in front of them. And as they all played she told Carol everything. Every experiment. Every plan. Every horrible thing they had done to her. Every horrible thing she had done to others.

“I killed all of these people. There is no doubt. And I take full responsibility. But they made me. It was between losing you and losing them, and I was selfish. They have me by the neck. I can hear the soldiers now, around 34 minutes ago Bedivere made a Morse code call to the security. They surround this room as we speak.” Therese could smell them, sweating as they eagerly await orders.

“Then let’s escape! Let’s leave!” Carol said, straddling her lap, taking charge. She grabbed Therese’s face in her hands.

Therese smiled solemnly, her brain had already thought out every possible situation. “And go where?”

“Anywhere. You can’t stay here. They’ll make you kill more people.” She said brushing her thumbs back and forth over her lovers face, swiping away the tears.

“No I killed those people… They will not stop. The Cure runs through my veins. They believe I am the key to everything but I’m not… You are. I killed these people because I can’t bear the thought of you dying. I fell in love because you walked into my life. I will stay here for the rest of my days because I love you. We can’t leave Carol. We can’t.” Therese knew Carol wouldn’t understand what she truly meant by ‘we can’t’ but in that moment of time she didn’t want her to.

“We can! They won’t be able to touch me. Not through you and then we can leave. Run to the wild. Never look back. They can’t do this. I don’t want to live without you Therese.” Carol broke down into tears, as she couldn’t even begin to imagine a life without Therese. “I can’t.” A life without stolen kisses, happy reunions, adventurous days, love filled nights. She was sure she wouldn’t live without this.

“… And I can’t let you get caught up in this. We could break out, but I wouldn’t be able to stop every bullet. And if you died, because of any of this I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. And as much as it pains me to admit it, I wouldn’t let them live with themselves either.” She said ashamed, gesturing to the box filled with observing green clad men and women. “… I can’t let you run away with me… I can’t give you the life you deserve. Children. Friends. Fancy parties where you can get wasted and let loose, without a care in the world. I can’t give you that.”

“I don’t care about any of that. I love _you_. I only want _you_.” She said, hitting Therese in the chest, annoyed that the brunette still refused to believe that she was the only thing that Carol needed to keep breathing every day.

“And I love you too…” Therese said, taking the blonde’s hands in her own, squeezing them softly, aware of her new found strength. “Which is why I have to save you from myself.”

“You’ll never hurt me Therese, I know that.”

Therese chuckled. “I know too 13… I would never lay one finger on you. Ever. But look at what I can do to others, just at the thought of them doing something to you… I have to make this right.”

Just then the soldiers got their command and burst into the room and Carol’s and Therese’s bodies were littered with red laser lights. Therese hugged Carol close, breathing in her scent before nuzzling Carol’s sobbing face up, kissing her deeply. The feel of her lips drowning out the shouts of the soldiers and the grin on Arthur’s face as he fiddled with a note that had Therese’s rushed hand writing scrawled upon it. Carol could feel the salty tears dripping from Therese’s face into their kiss and she never wanted to let go. Even when her lungs burnt from oxygen deprivation.

Therese broke off the kiss first, looking Carol straight in the eye before trying to get up but the blonde made no effort to move, shaking her head. “Why do I feel like this is goodbye?” Carol said, placing her hands on the brunette’s chest willing her to stay still a moment longer so that she could steal another kiss. Carol was the one who broke it off this time, needing to see her love.

“I will always be with you, Carol.” Therese said determined. “Always.” The brunette stood up, lifting Carol as if she weighed nothing to stand on her two feet. They heard the soldiers’ guns click in preparation, like bullets could keep Therese away from Carol.

Therese turned to the soldiers, taking Carol’s hand and completely ignoring them, she walked to a corner of the arena. As they neared, Therese whispered to the blonde ‘stay here’ before continuing herself. Carol’s eyes adjusted and she could now see where Therese was heading. There was one struggling soldier, dragging herself along the ground.

The woman in uniform panicked as Therese neared, pulling her hand gun, shooting her twice, the third one hearing the gun click as its clip was empty. Carol gasped as she saw her love take the bullet’s ready to run over when she heard them clatter to the ground and Therese walk on as if nothing had ever happened.

The brunette stood above the panting soldier screaming for help, studying her closely. “Don’t worry. I would have shot me too after all the things I have done in the past hour let alone my lifetime.”

The soldier spat at her. “You’re a monster. You killed my squadron. I have been growing up with those men and women for 11 years! Eleven! Training to take out you, and you killed them all without a second thought!”

“I’m sorry, Arthur gave me no choice. You were trying to kill me-”

“No love has infected you. Her life was equal to ours. _Her_ life was worth less than the 30 people’s you have just mercilessly killed… get it over with… kill me.” The woman stopped fighting and lay panting on the floor.

“No…” Therese said calmly. “No I don’t want to kill you. That person… it was me… with all inhibitors gone. Can you imagine what it must feel like to kill this many people for one woman? One ordinary extraordinary woman. A woman that makes your whole day. Who brightens your life? That replaces the SEEC and becomes the only thing you live for… that made her life more important to me than 30 others. Can you _imagine_?” She let the thought linger with the soldier for a moment before sliding her arms under her back and the crooks of her legs lifting her like a feather off the ground.

“What are you doing?!” She said, struggling hopelessly.

“I’m getting you help.” Therese said walking back over to the soldiers. “Stand down!” The troops didn’t move. “I am 645A. I have a member of the elite squadron! The only one who has survived my rage and the only one who ever will! Take in your fallen comrade.”

The soldiers looked to one another, unsure of what to do, until one at the back dropped his gun, pushing through the rest of them. Once he had broken free of the formation Therese’s eyes widened. “Harge…” She whispered, quiet enough so Carol wouldn’t hear, recognising him through the visor that made them all look the same. He took the broken soldier from her arms, grunting to lift the woman. He looked Therese in the eye, without fear and without judgement before carrying her to the door. It immediately opened and they left silently.

Therese returned to Carol, holding her hand, feeling the blonde squeeze hers before they walked to the line of gun men. Therese looked past them and up to the viewing box. “Arthur? Come down from your white tower.”

“So you can snap my neck? I don’t think so.” He smirked. Therese turned to her love wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Hold on tight.” Therese said stealing a kiss, before jumping high off the ground, into the air, and Carol lost her breath as they flew, not regaining it until Therese landed on her feet amongst the Emmanuel putting her down. “Arthur… I won’t fight you.”

“So you’ll take the damper serum?” He said, holding out a red syringe.

“And lose my last line of defence? Suppress the beast you admire so much? Aren’t you proud of me?” She said dryly.

“I am… Very proud.” He said, looking around to his peers. “But I’m not stupid.”

“Well that’s a matter of opinion.” Carol cut in, unable to hold her tongue.

“Ah… so this is the Carol… the girl of your dreams, the woman of your heart, the love of your life. I’m Arthur, head of The Panel and this country. We have been watching you ever since you were 16 years old… You know, you were the only match Therese ever had. We just put Ester and Richard on there because we needed to test the waters. Especially before the big reveal. Thank you. In a way you are going to cure this entire world.”

“You’re insane.” Carol spat.

“Yes, close minded people seem to say that a lot. But unfortunately it is your dearest Therese I need. 645A, you know what will happen if you don’t conform. You’ve passed the physical. The Emmanuel project is effective in adulthood and can surpass a lifetime of training in an instant. Unfortunately you still have to undergo the medical. The Cure. The answer runs through you.”

“After the medical. Can we leave?” Carol asked.

“Carol… Therese will never leave this facility. She knew that when the first bullet that passed through that soldiers head. She will never see her precious farm, or bike, or friends. And now…” He said passing the small holographic note in between his hands, “I assume you.”

“Me?”

“Well that’s why you’re here isn’t it. Why you have offered yourself to me.” He said directing his attention to Therese. “We both know you could break free from this facility. But your emotions betray you. You know that we would hunt you into the Wild forever. Never stopping until you were right back here. And for what? One more night of passion? One more hour of love and freedom, with the possibility to have it all ripped out again? No… Carol she’s smarter than that.”

The blonde ripped her gaze from the white haired man, turning to her angel. “What does he mean Therese? What is he saying?”

“I’m saying that as long as you love her and she loves you, she will never be free. And neither will you. Open the door Therese. We have the room ready. I know what you have to do. You know what you have to do. I agree to the terms and conditions.” He said holding up the small note Therese had left for him.

The brunette walked over to the control panel, tapping for a minute before the door hissed open. The Panel walked out and so did the soldiers of the arena. Therese took Carol’s hand, pulling her down the corridor, remembering them from so long ago. She took a couple turns until finally reaching the room.

She twisted the door handle but it was locked so she pushed the door from its hinges and propped it up. Inside everything was the same. The same as she remembered it. They walked in and Therese put the door back into place. “Where are we angel?” Carol asked looking around the fairly bare room with small bed and trainset.

“This is the room I grew up in. The only room I really felt safe in. The only people who saw me here was Arthur and Lance. No training, no injections, just me and my trainset. You know I loved trains as a child. It would spin on the same circuit and I would build little people, to watch it whizz by. I was so innocent and young.”

“Why are we here Therese? What did he mean? What conditions?” he frowned wondering why Therese was going off on a tangent.

“You’re going to walk from this place… Carol.”

“We are?” Carol said, the only glimmer of hope she had seen in a long time, and it hurt Therese deeply to stomp on it.

“No _you_ are… I made a deal with the devil.” Therese chuckled. “When I went up to grab my file… I left Arthur a message. You get to leave this awful place… you get to leave and go back to your normal life. Your normal job, your normal friends, and I stay here… But I don’t have to watch you day in and day out, afraid that someone would put a bullet in your skull.”

Carol took her love’s face in her hands, willing the green eyes to look up to her. “I’m not going to leave without you Therese.”

“Yes you will.” Therese said, taking her hands, kissing every fingertip.

“I can’t let you stay in this awful place. I won’t go back to my life without you in it.”

“You did before you met me… and you will again. The Panel were right. Love brings pain. Remember the night we realised I would be turning 21… I felt like someone had ripped my heart out and crushed it… Like things would ever work out for me… and since then, that week, those days have been a countdown to this very moment. Me covered in blood, professing my love for you in this room. I do… I love you more than anything in the whole world.” Therese said, holding Carol’s palms to her chest.

“And I love you too-”

“Which is why I have to let you go…” Therese felt Carol’s hands tense in hers but she just pulled them closer.

“Therese, please stop talking. Just say you love me. Say that we are going to go home soon. That we’ll swim in the lake and I’ll brush your hair. That we will cook together and go out for a ride. Or don’t say anything. Please, I beg…” Carol cried imploring her court, she could see where this was going but refused to believe it.

“I will never forget you Carol… you are the person I live for. In your new life, I want you t-” Therese looked down to compose herself, the tears breaking free of their ducts over what she had to say. “I want you to find someone else. Someone that makes you happy-“

“You make me happy.” The blonde protested but Therese wouldn’t hear any of it.

“I want you to have children.”

“I don’t care about kids.”

“I want you to give them the childhood that I dreamed of…”

“Angel-”

“I love you.” Therese couldn’t allow Carol to say much more, in fear of changing her mind, opting for the path full of danger. “I love everything about you. And if you love me too, please just say it once more.” She pled, searching the stormy grey, the colour she would never tire of.

The blonde shook her head. “This isn’t fair. You don’t get to decide for me. Therese I refuse. Not if it means I get to stay. I’m not going back, I’d rather die... Please don’t send me back. Please don’t make me live in that perpetual hell, plea-“

“Carol. Say it.” The brunette sighed, not wanting to say goodbye like this. She wanted a memory that would last her every lonely night she would suffer through without Carol. “Say it please.”

Carol conceded, as the green orbs implored her, pierced her very soul. “I love you.” She whispered, her voice cracking.

Therese kissed her hard, swallowing the words like it was the last breath she was allowed to take. “Again.” She whispered against her lips.

“I love you.” Carol sighed as Therese took her again, but this time she took over, pulling the brunette closer to her by the neck, feeling her fingers slide between the dark strands of hair and Therese clawed at her waist.

“Again.” She panted.

“I love you, Angel… And I always will…” They stood swaying a little as their tears fell, rolling down their cheeks as they silently sobbed. The blonde lifted Therese’s face up from her shoulder, to rest upon her forehead.  “You think this is goodbye, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes I do… because it is…” She said, stealing one more kiss before her love could say any more, distracting the blonde as her hand reached for something concealed on the bedside table and gingerly slip it into her hand. “Carol Ross. You are magnificent.” She said as Carol’s clawed at any place on Therese she could reach, determined that if she kept the girl in her grasp she could never lose her.

“You can’t make me leave. I will just keep coming back. Every single day. I will never stop. Ever.”

“- And I will always watch over you. Your guardian angel.”

 “Stop it. Therese, you don’t get to make this decision!” Carol could feel droplets of water falling from Therese, into her hands. She felt a kiss on her forehead, as Therese’s palms squeezed her even tighter before letting go. Carol aimlessly clutched at Therese’s body as she felt hands snake up her body to ruffle in her blonde curls that had stuck to the wet trails of her tears, brushing them from her face and rest on her neck.

“-Protecting you from above. You know what I said about the stars the day we met… I’ll be one of those. Call and I will answer.” Carol looked into the watering green, seeing galaxies, and constellations. Their stars, the star of Carol and Therese, perfectly aligned in each iris but before she could study them she felt the brunette’s hands caress her face and neck, calming her breathing even though they were both on the edge of hyperventilating. “I’m sorry.” She said before bursting into tears, her body crumbling in on itself, and as Carol bent down a little to support her, she knew exactly why Therese was apologising.

She froze when she felt it. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t breathe. She could barely blink but forced her body to get over its shocked state so she could clear the tears away to watch Therese pulled the now empty syringe from her neck and throw it to the floor.

Carol looked at the floor to where the needle lay as she brought a hand up to her neck to feel the slight puncture mark that had pierced the exact point Therese would always worship. “Angel?”

“I’m so sorry Carol…” The brunette sobbed bringing a hand to her mouth which was quickly retracted when Carol swayed. She reached out to help the blonde but Carol swatted her hand away, feeling betrayed.

She frowned in disbelief as her vision began to double and every fibre of her being fought the drug that was shutting her down bit by bit. “Therese?” She whispered to her crying lover, and then her legs gave out. She fell to the floor but time slowed. It felt like a dream. Those terrible horrific dreams where you fall from a height, your body is in free fall as gravity pulls you towards its centre with awaiting arms, and in that moment, she couldn’t wait to hit the floor. To feel that stop so she could jolt awake in her bed and take a deep breath. So she could wake up next to her love in their bed, and could calm down together, cradled in each other’s arms.

But as she was about to hit the ground, and let herself wake up from this nightmare, she felt two arms grab her, and legs support her lower body as the rest of her was cradled into the brunette’s chest. She had been so close. She wondered what kind of nightmare she would wake up in, if she ever did. “You’re killing me.” She whispered to the brunette above.

“No, when you wake up you’re going to have a brand new life. You are going to be amazing… I promise.”

 _To give someone a new life was to take their old one._ “They’re the same thing…” Carol concluded.

Therese thought she knew the feeling of having her heart torn in two. She thought it had happened on that night by the beach when they had cried into the night. And maybe she had. But if that had torn her heart in two then this had sown the two dead pieces back together, just to rip them apart in spite into tattered pieces to lay scattered in the hole in her chest.

Carol could see Therese. But it was like nothing she had ever seen before. She had never seen this side to her. And even though it was the look of complete self-hatred and pain and despair, she couldn’t help but be surprised by how she felt she knew everything there was to know about her. When in actual fact she had only just scraped the surface. It was an extra stab in the heart to only be realising this seconds before being ripped away.

“You promised coffee and ice cream too.” She said, pulling her love back from her pit of nothing. Therese tried to huff a humoured huff or try to stop the tears from rolling for one second, but she could do neither, so sufficed with a forced smile, giving Carol a flash of the dimples she would always kiss, even if they were quivering.

“I keep my promises…” She said brushing the blonde’s hair as their locked gaze began to waver. Carol was slipping away, and she couldn’t bare it - But she would never look away - She would be with Carol till the end, because it would always be Carol, in a thousand cities, a thousand houses, in foreign lands where they would go together, in heaven and in hell.

“I love you.” Carol said squeezing the wrist of the arm that held her face, catching the tears that ran towards her hairline for cover, for even they could not stand the sorrow of their forlorn love.

Therese leant down, her legs trembling as she shifted them up, along with her arms so she could lean down and meet them half way to press a lingering kiss to Carol’s lips. It was gentle and soft, unlike the way the universe was clawing away at them in that moment. And when she pulled back from the devoted caress she replied. “13, I lo-”

But when she began that sentence, she never knew she would never finish it, for Carol was gone, limp in her arms, breathing tranquilly into her chest as she was washed with tears of her lover. “Carol?” She said to her court who lay so still and perfect in her arms. “Carol I’m s-so s-s-sorry.” She choked, pulling her love closer, burying her nose in the blonde locks that smelt like home.

Carol’s body shook as Therese’s muscles began to shake and her chest heaved concealing the sobs she wanted to scream out into every single nook and cranny of this room, every joint of the building, but the tears were for Carol, and no one else. No one else deserved them apart from the blonde who lay so beautifully in her arms, her face relaxed and eyes closed.

Therese always thought that Carol was beautiful when she slept. But right now, nothing mattered, not the heart wrenching way Therese screamed into her court’s shoulder or the way she clung to the unconscious woman like a life jacket, or the way the soldiers stood outside the room with their jaws clenched and weapons ready to take Carol away.

It all faded into an infinitesimal nothing.

Because Therese was hollow inside. And Carol couldn’t wake up to cure her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't think i've ever written anything sadder. Ever. And that's saying something because in the Deleted scenes of TAA I thought that was the darkest I would go.
> 
> But... I've managed to out do myself...somehow. I've never dived so deep with these characters, and its not to say that you need all this drama to get into a character's head, you don't, but it really was interesting to get into that mind set.
> 
> I also want to let readers that aren't familiar with my other fics that i'm not always this dark and depressing. I like to think of myself as a happy person. And i can write happy stuff as was evident with the first 19 chapters of this fic but guysss, you've passed the tipping point of the mountain now and you're just going to have to plummet down the other side and hope there's something at the bottom to break your fall ;)
> 
> Please come talk to me down below :)


	27. Hiraeth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiraeth - a Welsh word for which there is no direct English translation but essentially means a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.

**Day 127**

_~~It’s been 127 days since Carol left.~~ It has been 127 days since I made Carol leave. I’m so tired. These 4/5 months have felt like years. Each second like an hour. Each hour like a day. Every time I close my eyes. Every single time I am in darkness for a second. Each time I blink I see her. I didn’t think it would be like this._

_I thought that every time I would close my eyes, I’d see her telling me she loved me. But all I see is her shocked face when I drugged her – I’m as bad as Jack... -  I see her limp in my arms as I screamed for her to come back, even though ~~I was the one who put us in that situation~~ it was all my doing. I see her crying when they strapped her into that chair I used to hate so much, and her pain, when they took every single memory with a remnant of me in it. I just see her pain and no matter how much I watch over her, all I see is the life we could have had. The life I could have given her. _

_The Panel had told her friends and Family that Carol had been in a very bad car crash, and that I had died. That she didn’t remember me and it was probably best it was left that way. The mere mention of my name bringing back a resurgence of horrible memories. I can’t believe it has been 4 months._

_I remember that the first week was the most painful, knowing she was recovering in the very same building as me. Smiling, talking to others, happy to be alive after such a ‘terrific car accident’. Just her mere presence hurt. Everything hurt as all those powers let me smell her, and hear her. And ~~then when she left I was~~ even now I still feel empty. I feel hollow. And the nothingness is consuming me. There are days I feel like dying… and then I remember I can’t die. How ironic. She was everything I lived for, and now she is gone I have eternal life. Eternal until I age and turn to dust, although knowing Arthur and his crazy god bending will, he will probably find a cure for that too. _

_I just came out of the physical… Harge… he told me that Dannie and everyone at the farm was doing alright. That was just before he punched me in the face. In return I only flung him halfway across the room. Day 127… and there are still no more deaths on my record. Yay for me… Although I remember the day I said I would never let that number get higher than 30. How ignorant I was, to think I could get myself out of this shit pile. 58… 59 once I get Arthur._

_Sometimes when I watch the day’s footage, she looks troubled. Carol… she looks distant. It’s even harder to decipher those looks through a screen than it is in person. She had another today. Looking towards her couch we used to curl up on. Stupidly again, I let myself fall into false hope. That maybe she would remember me. Maybe. And then the look left and she turned back round to Abby and Daisy as she made fresh pasta. And then I punished myself for even hoping she would remember me in the first place._

_Daisy is so big now. Every time she comes to Carol’s she gets bigger and bigger. She learns more and more. She nearly walked the other day… but she has the crawl mastered. She can crawl faster than I can run and that’s saying something._

_I did it again today. I tortured myself with watching Carol sleep. I have always regretted not taking a photo of Carol whilst she slept. Although if I had it would stand lonely and out of place in my pristine white room. Or in the frame Carol gave me so long ago, flicking away with the rest of our days._

_…_

_The beast…. The beast below, I feel her getting stronger every day. Every training session it gets harder and harder to return to being Therese. To being me. It gets harder to apologise to those who clutch their broken ribs and look at me in disgust. I’m scared… scared of what they will make me do… Who they will make me kill, who they will make me hurt. I wonder if they even know what to do with me. I mean I could still turn on a pin point but it gets less and less likely every day and they know it._

_More and more marrow has been purged from my spine. I’ve never had such back pain in my life. The skin and tissue heals but not quick enough to expel the needle from my body. Not fast enough to stop the pain of the marrow being ripped from my body, even if it does grow back in the next hour. Lance should be by soon. He’s going to take me on a walk._

_A walk._

_How pathetic is it that? A walk has become the highlight of my week. An hour, seeing something else apart from these four walls. My senses are going into overdrive. I can hear the people on the street going about their normal day. I could hear everything Arthur said, and every meeting. The information was interesting but his voice in my head 24/7 has been slowly killing me all on its own. Ergo, I have told Arthur to get some sound proof walls. Maybe that will help. Although the sound of them putting it in is making my ears bleed. Quite literally._

_I can see everything. I can see the dust mites landing on the wall and how each one reacts in the air when I blow out. I can see the electricity in the light above me alternating. I’m pretty sure I could take out this whole building’s power in a minute if I was let loose at the circuits. But what use would that be. They would get to Carol before I could._

_Last night was uneventful. I heard a lot shuffling. I had fish. And a slice of birthday cake. I wish I had never asked why… Happy Birthday my love… I wish I was there to shower you in presents. I could see how our day would go._

_I would wake you with kisses along your back, and fuck you till the bed broke. I would attempt making breakfast but before I could boil a kettle you would take over. We would walk out of the Lake house and take a dip, kissing in midday. Maybe we would go for a hike. Or I would take you to get coffee and ice cream. We would go see Abby and Gen. I would talk with Gen and sit with you and Daisy. You could have a drink. Probably more than one. Let yourself go, like I always know you want to but are too scared to after that party. We would put Daisy to bed, and spend the night laughing with Abby and Gen. Afterwards we would leave, we would go home. Home being anywhere you are and I would love you like you deserve to be loved. And when we were sated and sweaty I would crawl out of bed and you would ask me why. And I would reply that it is a dark day’s tradition to do so on one’s knee. And I would ask you to mate me… and hopefully - with any luck - You would tell me you loved me… and say yes._

_The 26 th of August… Happy Birthday Carol._

///

“So how are you Therese?” Asked Lance handing her a fast food burger.

“Better now that I have my burger. What about you?” She said munching into it, walking down the corridors.

“Busy.” Lance replied as she threw away the paper, giving her the next one.

“Like always then… Carol’s looking good. Looking happy. Any of the surveillance been caught in the act yet?”

Lance rolled his eyes. “No, they’re professionals Therese.”

“Everyone is a professional in their field from the age of ten, Lance. Shut the fuck up.” She muffled into her food.

“How’s training going? Medicals?” He asked mundanely getting protocol out of the way, clicking on the recorder.

“Training? Well I still refuse to kill anyone so Arthur is still angry. Bless his cold unfeeling heart. The only thing that brings that man joy is a death at my hand I swear. Medical? Every day, I get blood taken. I am given another disease that I have to endure at night and am cured of by the morning. The bone marrow is ripped from my bones and fluid from my cranium. My brain is scanned to death, and … no I think that is about it.”

“So the usual.”

“Yup… The usual.” He clicked the recorder off. “I’m going insane.” Therese continued. “I feel like a prisoner tallying days off on the wall, serving an eternal sentence.”

“I feel the same you know.” Therese gave him a deep side eye as she took the bag of fries from his hand. “Yes I know my uppity life is not as bad as yours but being an Emmanuel, it is imprisoning. We dote on Arthur’s words. We have such power. Too much power. All these people. Every person in this country, controlled by 12 people’s say so… No one should have that kind of power. I always suggest upping the numbers.”

“I can only remember 12 Knights of the Round Table in the tales. What would you call the others? That’s probably why Arthur’s having a bitch fit.” She said, flipping off one of the CCTV cameras, knowing he would look at the footage later.

“You’re right, that’s why.” Lance chuckled.

“What’s your name?”

His eyebrows shot up at the out of the blue question. “Seriously? It’s Lancelot.”

“No not Lance, I mean the name before all this Emmanuel shit. Before appointed at 16, who were you?” She asked.

“…”

“Oh c’mon who the fuck am I going to tell, the trainset in my room?” Therese pushed his arm and he swerved off his path before getting back on it. He smiled at that, because he knew how Therese liked to joke about the only real thing in her room being a fake train. She had brought it from the room she stayed in as a child when they moved her to a floor closer to the arena and the Panel floors.

“My name was Samuel… Samuel was the boy my wife was matched to. It’s a funny story actually, since I was so busy in Emmanuel and all, she actually came and found _me_. We are all given fake professions and suits we wear out and about, so we aren’t recognised. And I was in my bed in my white pyjamas. She had come late in the evening knowing I was never about in the day. She knocked on my door and said. ‘Finally, Samuel, I’ve been waiting for you to come home forever.’ She says that to me every evening when I walk in through the door, and my boy runs into my arms.”

“Sammy…” Therese said, remembering Lancelot mentioning a month earlier that he had a son named Sammy.

“Samuel Junior. Mary wouldn’t have it any other way, since she had to begin calling me Lance and liked my old name. She gave it to our son. I missed his birth. I wasn’t allowed off work and that woman… she held that baby in as long as she physically could. And it was dark out, and I finally got to the hospital. I walk in her room and look at Sammy wriggling in his incubator, with Samuel on his name tag, wrapped around his foot.” He smiled as he reminisced.

“That’s beautiful.”

He was snapped from his memories as they reached a door to the East side of the building. “Y-Yes well. I think we should be turning around now don’t you?”

“Why do we always stay on the west of the building? Don’t you want to go travel east? I want to. I’m bored of these corridors.”

“No… I have absolutely no need to go to the east side of this building.” He smiled gesturing for her to follow him.

Therese took the challenge, teasing him. “Why not? You scared?”

“Yes.” He answered truthfully.

“Lance ok. Stop screwing with me.”

“I’m not. What they did to you… that was bad… but you aren’t Arthur’s only pet project. You were the first though. We should be getting back.” He said, taking Therese’s arm and pulling her into a walk.

“Lance.”

“I said we should be getting back…”

///

“Carol you slob you haven’t picked up your mail!” Abby huffed as she left a footprint on the letters. “I swear the only reason you invite me round is to pick up this shit. You should really do this yourself.” She said flicking through the mail. “You know you only get paper mail in emergencies, Quota debt or if they are from the Pan-” Abby looked at the front of the letter, dropping the rest of it to the floor. “The Panel! Carol there’s a letter from the Panel!” Silence greeted her. “Carol!”

“WHAT?! CAN A WOMAN NOT GET OUT OF THE BATH WITHOUT HAVING TO LISTEN TO A RANT ABOUT MAIL?!” Carol said, plundering down the stairs in her bath towel.

“You have mail from The Panel!” Carol snatched it from her hand, walking to the sofa with her friend in tow before opening it, disappointment clouding her face when she realised what it was. “Well?”

“It’s a list of new matches.” She said turning the sheet round, feeling a little sad for some reason.

Abby hugged her friend happily. “Oh Thank ‘All’ they must have seen your record all those months ago in that terrible crash Carol!” She lied, but her best friend had only been half there ever since Therese had died. All she could hope for was that she would find happiness in someone else.

“Yeah… They must have…” Carol said looking down at the list of names, a tear drop falling on the parchment before she could even comprehend that she was in fact crying.

“Carol what’s wrong?” Abby asked, as Carol wiped away the next tear, staring at it, puzzled.

“I… I don’t know… for some reason, I’m sad… Why am I sad Abby?” She asked as more tears came, rubbing the one she caught between her fingers.

The auburn feigned ignorance. The doctors had been adamant. There was to be no mention of Therese, otherwise her friend could relapse and possibly become insane. She didn’t know exactly how it worked, but she wasn’t going to question authority much higher than hers. “I don’t know. Maybe they are happy tears? Because you can get back to your old self. SEEC.”

“Yes… I guess…” The blonde was silent for a moment as she looked at the names some more. “No. No I’m definitely sad. Why am I sad?” She asked.

“You know, maybe it’s because you’ve been enjoying all this freedom. Being alive and all. The job at the furniture store starting tomorrow. You think a court is a little too much to take on too. Maybe you should leave it a while.”

“Y-Yes I think you’re right. It’s just nerves and stress.”

“Don’t worry. You’ll be _magnificent_.” It was like a wave washed over her, but only the froth of the bubbly wave had stayed as she burst into more tears, having no idea why. “Oh, it’s ok. I know it’s stressful. You’re just tired after your bath. Plus the nightmares and the accident.”

The blonde pulled away abruptly, annoyed at herself. “Fuck! I don’t know why that stupid accident is still affecting me. It was 5 months ago Abby. 5 months! And I still get those nightmares. Those stupid fucking nightmares. The angel, reaching out for me and I feel safe and euphoric, and then she is drenched in oil and turns dark. ‘All’ made her into death, and then she’s pulled away from me along with my life force and I wake up struggling to breathe.”

“I know… and the doctor? He isn’t helping?”

“He’s a psychotherapist Abby, and he says I have to be patient. Give it time. Keep coming in for treatment. I swear every time I go, I return feeling hollow on the meds they dope me up on. Fuck! I’m a mess.”

“Well maybe that’s why you’re crying. You’re finally seeing a path. So anyway who’s on that list? What lucky soul has replaced me? I bet you it’s blank.” Abby winked making the blonde chuckle.

  * Derek Basling. Einstein. Electrical Grid Technician. Age 31. Match – 51.1%
  * Mae Havek. Seacole. Nursing division. Age 25. Match – 62%
  * Thomas Maynard. Caesar. State quota division. Age 20. Match – 41.6%



“MAE HAVEK?!”

Carol was oblivious. “Who?”

“MAE FUCKING HAVEK!”

“What, Abby who the fuck is Mae Havek?”

“She’s an uber hot and super nice girl who just so happens to work in the next ward over. Hell before you and Gen, I had never grafted on someone so hard, but she was too fucking humble and sweet. She wanted a relationship not a quickie. I can’t believe I have never mentioned her before!”

“Never…” Carol said rather uninterested.

“Ok… I can see you’re tired, I’ll leave you be. Get a good night sleep. You’ll be amazing tomorrow and if you’re lucky I might get you Mae’s number.” She winked heading to the door. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

“Get over who? Harge?” Carol scoffed as she stood to see Abby out. “Hate to break it to you Abby, but I got over Harge the night I slept with you!”

///

**Day 292**

_Carol has met someone else._

_I’m happy for her. I know she has because I’ve had someone follow their dates. Because I’m a stalker, I know. She no longer screams at night but she tosses and turns. Her job is going well. She is thriving in the position, and if things get even better, I’m going to have Arthur transfer her to a better bigger house._

_The other day she looked up at the stars and I had the bugs tuned in so I could hear what she was saying. Turns out, she said nothing. She just longed. Again I let my hopes rise. And she stared out of that window for a good 45 minutes. Each second was hell to watch. But she soon dragged herself to bed._

_~~The bitch’s name.~~   ~~Her court’s~~ Her name is Mae. She is in Seacole. She’s nice. A good person. Lives in the city, not too far away from Carol. Not a scratch on her record. Only accolades. The best Carol could hope for. _

_Tonight was the night Carol and I first made love… I will treasure that night forever… Forever. I will never forget how the hay rustled under our bodies, how we came together as one person. How she made me see stars even with a roof over my head. I will remember the way I kissed up and down her shoulder in the morning to wake her up, and how she wrapped my arms around her and told me to shoot that fucking cockerel._

_I would do anything to relive that night._

///

**Day 296**

_Carol and Mae had their first kiss today. It was innocent. And sweet and lasted no more than a few seconds as Carol was dropped off by her door._

_But then something happened._

_Carol cried. I rewinded that moment so many times. She got in the door, fluttered round the house for a while before breaking down into a fit of sobs. I wanted so badly to run and put my arms around her shaking body, fighting back the tears like she always did. She rubbed off her lipstick like it was filthy and then cried some more._

_After seeing this I badly injured a soldier in training today. Even Arthur was shocked. I was ashamed of myself. I still am._

_I miss her so much…_

///

**Day 308**

_Today I wasn’t even allowed to go to training or to medical and my weekly walk with Lance was cancelled. I have the right mind to break that fucking door off and throw down the Emmanuel’s until I am allowed to walk freely around this boring fucking building._

_I wasn’t complaining about the medicals. But the training, Lance’s walks, they are the only things that keep me sane, what with most of my time watching the same documentaries or being depressed in my sheets. Bedivere didn’t even come in to get his ass whooped by me at… well everything. It’s a piss take. I know I am a prisoner by choice but this wasn’t a deal for solitary confineme-_

“RAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHGG!” Therese’s hearing peaked as she heard a wild scream in the distance. Her heightened hearing locked into it, putting down her pen and paper, moving to her door. She heard bullets, about as loud as a rain drop hitting the ground a mile away to the human ear, but they were loud and invasive in her own.

Suddenly she heard the soldiers, which were guarding her door, earpiece’s come to life, telling them to get to East wing corridor 17 immediately. 71N4Y had broken loose. They trotted off in a hurry reloading their guns as they went and Therese could smell the sweat perspiring off them.

“What do they fear? What is 71N4Y?” She paced her cell back and forth, the screams of soldiers being taken down one by one, and bullets ricocheting to her ears filling the four walls tightly until she couldn’t take it anymore. She dressed, slipping on some black running leggings and a tight fitting top, hoping that way she could blend into the darkness more. She slipped on some matching black trainers and a hoodie before grabbing the door, grunting a little as the metal warped until the whole thing came off.

She set it aside, hiding her journal and pen before she left. Not that they didn’t know she had it. But it was the only form of privacy she had. She set off at a sprint, following the screams of death and distress, gaining on the guttural roars of an animal which she guessed was tearing them apart.

She reached the end of the corridor where she and Sam usually turned but instead the reinforced door wrapped in layers of sound proofing and insulants, was swung wide open. She ran through it, finding herself in corridor one. She ran through the glass maze searching desperately for 17. For the past year she had been mind-numbingly hollow. If this was the only action she would get for another year she was going to watch, even if it was some genetically modified panther they had let loose.

It wasn’t long before she found it, corridors 14, 15, and 16 were littered with bodies, but when she finally turned to corridor 17 that ran red with blood, she did not find a panther. She didn’t find an animal. Or machine. She found… She didn’t even know what she was witnessing.

“Holy shit.” She whispered, gaining IT’s attention from ripping out some poor soldier’s vocal box. It held it, still vibrating and dripping in her hand before it turned to her. The other soldiers wondered what IT was looking at and made a quick glance to Therese. “645A GET BACK IN YOUR CELL! I REPEAT 645AHhhh!” He yelled as IT grabbed his uniform pulling him down onto IT’s knee, hearing a distinctive crack and when his body fell limp to the floor, his face had concaved into his skull.

IT’s attention was brought back to her once more, and for the very first time in a while, Therese felt fear. She stood still as the figure drenched in red looked at her slowly. Therese could hear IT’s heartbeat, slow and steady, even after all the acrobatics it had pulled off, killing all of these men and women.

The corridor scene threw her mind back it her own culling. But she didn’t have long to think about it, as the figure drew closer, ears twitching as IT listened to Therese’s heartbeat. Getting closer and closer, IT’s large black eyes looking Therese up and down as she never broke IT’s almost magnetic hold. IT reached out to poke her and she stayed still as the finger just ebbed on contact. That was until, a bullet hit IT square in the back, making IT fall at Therese’s feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are going to be ripped after holding on to these cliffhangers for so long... tehehehe
> 
> See you down below ;)


	28. 71N4Y

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are getting a little slower because i have a exams coming, but hopefully they will still be steady. At least once a week. Anyway read on.

“HEY!” Therese called out angrily at the quad that were making their way past the dead bodies. “IT WAS CALMING DOWN YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO KILL IT!” She yelled, reaching down to pick IT up but a soldier protested.

“645A Return to your cell. We have the situation under control. It is a dangerous asset. Do not touch her! That’s an order.”

“Her?” Therese asked, reaching down once more, to touch the bald girl’s neck for a pulse but she was yelled at once more.

“I REPEAT DO NOT TOUCH HER!”

“She’s a little girl?! You killed a little girl?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! LEAVE HER ALONE!” Arthur hadn’t changed at all, in fact he was repeating himself. Therese wondered if there were any more experiments. If she was the 645th which would make the girl lying in a pool of blood the 714th.

Their guns then directed to Therese. “If you do not move Therese, we will have to take you out too!” Said a man from the back which she immediately recognised to be Harge. He was the only soldier who called her by her name.

“No! She was relaxing. Studying me! You shot her!” One went to walk around her but she grabbed him by the neck pushing him away and into the rest of his squad, making them catch him. “I said nobody touch her.”

The soldier panted in his comrades’ arms, loosening the uniform around his reddened neck. “Engage.” Two broke off from the pack. Harge being left to help his superior up. They swiftly moved forward, shooting at Therese but she swiftly dodged them as she ran, disabling their guns as she pushed them back, aiming the bodies at Harge so he wouldn’t have to get up and fight.

The superior’s gun was larger and he used his sight to try and shoot past Therese at the little girl behind her but she moved quickly to catch each one square in the chest. She could barely breathe as the bullets piled up in her chest and when he saw this wasn’t working he shot her in the knee cap. It was excruciating. But as she fell to one knee she felt something run up her back and the girl propel off her, grabbing the superior’s face before smashing his body to the floor like a ragdoll. “Stop!” Therese feebly shouted as the girl took his gun and shot him through the head twice for good measure.

Therese’s body was rid of bullets now but she was still limping as she gained on them. “Stop!” She shouted once more but the girl didn’t listen as she was sprayed with bullets. Each one of them expertly dodged, the exact same way Therese did as they flew past the girl into her direction.

She gained back the mobility in her knee as 71N4Y flew towards the trio. The girl jumped into a roll, picking up a clip and reloading as she did so before shooting two of the three in the head. Harge was the only soldier left standing. Well, lying, as he lay trapped under his troops. 71N4Y walked towards him slowly, stepping right above him, aiming the barrel to his head, but she felt a hand grab the back of her neck and throw her backwards, through the air, sliding across the floor leaving a trail of red in her wake.

IT looked up. Her black eyes connecting with Therese’s own colourless ones as she stood protectively over the soldier. “ENOUGH! I SAID STOP!” Therese picked up Harge with ease throwing him to his feet so that he could run back off down the corridor. She turned back to the girl who now held a hand gun, the trigger twitching beneath her finger. “Go ahead shoot me.” Therese didn’t even flinched as the girl let the bullet fly and hit her in the shoulder. Therese grunted before pushing the bullet back out, taking off her hoodie and pulling down the edge of her shirt to let the red girl see.

She saw confusion flicker over IT’s eyes before IT raised the gun to her own shoulder, shooting straight through. IT winced a little but moved the edge of her hospital gown for Therese to see the bullet being pushed out and the hole knit up with tissue and muscle, just like her own did.

She began to near the little girl once more but her eyes widened and picked up the gun once more, gesturing sharply with her head for Therese to move as she shot in her direction. The brunette dodged the bullets as she ran to the girl, hearing the cries of what she assumed were more soldiers as she did.

But just before she reached her, she heard the heroic yell of a soldier keep their finger on the trigger, to let the fury run through the wind in their direction. Therese grabbed the girl and pulled her to her chest as her back took all the spray.

All she could feel was pain, and then her limp body being dragged across the floor rapidly. She just faded back into consciousness to see the little girl slam a door shut behind them and tap into its circuitry, dead bolting it. Therese felt something leave her hand and then saw the small red girl putting on her hoodie. The black jumper enveloped entirely, leaving her as red bare bloodied legs and feet and two peering green eyes looking mysteriously into hers.

Therese stared into the big round green irises, and for a moment she saw nebulas floating in them, but they were quickly consumed once more by the vacuum of space that were her pupils and enveloped in an all-consuming black. Therese felt herself being pulled off the floor again, groaning in pain as the bullets were still lodged in her spine, scraping against the bone as her arms were pulled over the shoulders of the little girl.

They stood still for a little while as Therese hissed and moaned, until the brunette realised that the little girl had no idea where she was going. “Left.” She croaked out and they began on a sprint. Therese continued to give directions until they reached her small dorm. They would occasionally stop when they encountered soldiers, but the 71N4Y would put Therese down, disappear and then pick her back up again, jumping over their groaning bodies.

They hurried into the apartment and the girl flung Therese on the bed, straddling her back, ignoring Therese’s cries before pushing her tiny fingers into the bullet holes. Therese screamed into her pillow as she heard one by one the bullets hit the floor beside her. The little girl showed no sympathy, even telling her to shush at times as she fished them out until her body was rid of them, and the wounds healed over easily.

Therese lay panting on the bed, drenched in sweat, but calming rapidly as she felt the girl brushing her hands where the bullet holes were closing and stitching together. After a while the brunette made an effort to get up from the bed and the girl on her back scampered to the darkest corner of her room. She sat on the edge looking into the corner where the girl sat crouched. Her back cracked as she stood and the last twitches of pain faded away.

“Hey…” She said softly, walking to the girl but she snarled, so Therese decided against it, sitting back on the bed. “Thank you… For bringing me back. Some of the bullets. They were trapped in my spine. You got them out.”

“You’re welcome…” She heard a small whisper say. It was young, innocent, scared and above all it sent chills right through her.

“My name is Therese. Therese Belivet. What’s yours?” There was a long silence, as the small girl stopped to think, pushing her foot out towards Therese as an answer. “71N4Y…” Therese read off the shimmering silver tattoo that blazed through the soul of her foot. “That’s a bit of a mouthful now isn’t it?” She smiled until she remembered her own. She took off her shoe and showed it to the child, finally seeing her young face pop from the shadows as she came closer to see Therese’s foot.

Therese couldn’t help but admire how pretty the young thing was, and how deadly she had looked moments earlier. “645A.” She whispered, coming out of the shadows to compare it to her own. The little girl reached out and traced the numbers with her finger tips, making Therese laugh, as she was ticklish.

71N4Y looked at her oddly, her green eyes wide and slowly blinking. “It’s ok…” Therese reassured her. “It’s just… I’m ticklish.”

“Ticklish…? Sensitive to being tickled.” The girl said, all on one tone.

“Yes… are you?” The dripping girl shrugged, rather defensively. “Well let’s see shall we?” Therese took the tiny foot in her hand gently and the girl flinched but made no move to walk away as Therese lightly brushed the bottom of her foot. At first there was nothing, 71N4Y’s toes twitched, but then a wide smile broke over her face as she giggled. “You see?”

“I’m sensitive to being tickled.”

“Yes… how old are you…?” The smile dropped as the girl sat crossed legged on the bed, Therese mirrored her position, looking expectantly. “I’m 21 years old. Do you know how old you are?”

“I’m 2924 days of age.” She said. “Arthur says I shouldn’t be on this side of the building.” She said looking around Therese’s room. “He says dangerous people live here. Are you dangerous people?”

“Am I a dangerous person?” Therese didn’t exactly know how to answer that question. She had killed. “Do you think I’m a dangerous person?”

“I don’t know… we’re the same.” The girl said taking Therese’s foot comparing it to her own. But then she let it go rather roughly and looked away. “You threw me…”

Therese sighed. “You were going to kill someone.”

71N4Y features hardened. “They hurt me. Taunted me. Mocked me.”

Therese’s heart ached for the girl sat in front of her, but the men were following orders, and not all of them were as evil as others. “It doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t justify our actions.”

“But they hurt me when I say no!”

“We don’t decide who lives and who dies. Even if we think they deserve it. It makes _us_ ,” she gesturing between them both, “as bad as them.”

The girl studied her for a little while, before looking down in shame. “Sometimes I can’t control it.” If Therese’s hearing wasn’t as good as it was, she probably wouldn’t have heard her.

“You’re young. You’ll gain more control as you grow, you can’t let the beast beat you. You have to talk to it. Don’t let it take you over unless you really have to. Make the shot unfatal. Let them live. When you’re gone you’re gone. It’s not like me and you. They don’t get to come back.”

“Sometimes I don’t want to come back.” The little girl said quietly, fidgeting with her fingers.

Therese’s knew the feeling too well, and her memories of her childhood were just as traumatic. She felt like crying, like taking the poor abused child, who was bordering on animalistic from the torture this place was putting her through, into her warm arms, to hug her and say everything would be alright, washing her with tears. But they didn’t have long to talk. And she didn’t know if everything she would be reassuring the girl with would be true. “I know. Sometimes I don’t either. But you have to. Because we have so much to live for.”

“Like what?” The green eyes blinked up at her.

The answer came to Therese easily. “Like love?”

“Love? Love - A variety of different emotional and mental states, which destroys the human mind. The deadly disease put our world into wreck and ruin and plunged humanity into insanity and squalor.” The little girl read like a dictionary.

Therese frowned. “That’s not true.”

“That’s what Arthur says.”

“Arthur also calls you a number when you should have a name. Arthur calls me 645A. But my parents called me Therese.”

“Arthur calls me 71N4Y. I don’t have parents.” She said resolutely.

“So where do you live?” Therese asked. When she was young she used to go home to her parents after visits.

“I live here.” And then the realisation hit her. This girl was her, just even more of a prisoner. She must have been born and raised here, bred into the perfect weapon. The formal speak and lack of social skills put her own to shame, because Lancelot had managed to put her out in the world. But this little girl had never seen the outside. “Don’t you?” She asked getting off the bed looking around the simple room, fascinated.

“No.” Therese replied watching her.

“So where do you live?” The girl asked, turning round.

“I mean I live here. But it isn’t home.”

“Home?” 71N4Y frowned, looking confused.

“Home. Where you feel safest. Where you feel like everything is just right. It’s warm and cosy, and can be anywhere you want it to be. And you feel happiest when you live there.” She tried to explain, but the girl just looked even more perplexed.

But 71N4Y’s brain could process just as fast as Therese’s, so she moved past her confusion to a route she could understand. “So where’s your home?”

“My home is a person…” Therese sighed. “Her name is Carol.” She said solemnly, trying to hide the emotion in her face

“Does she live here?” She looked around the room for this mysterious Carol, not seeing anyone, making Therese laugh.

“No she had to leave.” She said with a sad smile, her eyes darting briefly to her photo frame, and 71N4Y picked upon it.

She walked to the photo frame, picking up, looking at the photos of Therese and Carol in the photo booth. “Is that her?” She said, pointing to the blonde in the pictures, swiping through them all.

“Yes.”

“You look happy.” She said, swiping to the flower field, where they both lay lovingly. “Where is this place?”

“That is a field of flowers on a hill. And that is up at the top of the hill.” She said, as the girl stopped on the picture of Carol with her arms stretched out in front of the valley.

“A landform that extends above the surrounding terrain. It’s big.” She said looking at it more closely.

“Yes, I guess it is. I can see it from my bedroom window.” Therese said, remembering how each morning her alarm would go off, and she would open the curtains. Mrs Robichek would deceive her and she would eat her Weetabix and have a drag of a cigarette.

“You have a window?” The girl said shocked, looking around for one in the room excitedly.

“No I used to live on a farm. Out my farm window I could see it.” The girl sighed at the news a little disappointed, replacing the photo frame neatly, leaving a red fingerprint on its frame.

“I don’t have wind- SH! They’re coming Arthur is coming. He’s going to be angry with me. He’s going to put me out.” She said nervously, her eyes darting around the room, muscles tensing and relaxing as her mind went into overload, but everything stopped when Therese put her palms on the little girl’s cheeks. She stroked them softly, hushing her softly.

“It’s ok… It’s ok. What do you mean he’s going to put you out?” The little girl made a gun with her hand and pointed it to Therese’s forehead, pulling the makeshift trigger and making an exploding sound with her mouth. Therese grabbed her hand and pulled her in close. “He’s not going to hurt you. I’ll keep you safe. Just stay by me and do what is say ok?” The girl was silent so Therese knelt in front of her, shaking her arms softly. “I need you to trust me ok. He won’t hurt you…”

“Trust you?”

“Yes. You say they hurt you even when they say no. Now when you say no, I’ll be there to back you up. Alright? But I need you to trust me.” She searched the green eyes that were getting darker the closer the noises came. The soldiers were now marching down her corridor.

“Ok. Ok.” Her ears twitched. “Therese they’re coming we have to get out of here.” She said, grabbing Therese’s hand tightly, trying to pull her towards the door.

“No! Stay behind me.” She said pushing the little girl behind her back as the door burst open and they were littered in red laser lights. Arthur, Mordred and Lancelot walked through the squadron. Arthur’s piercing icy blue eyes shooting daggers at Therese.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?! YOU WERE TOLD TO NEVER GO TO THE EAST WING AND 71N4Y? YOU WERE TOLD TO NOT STEP A FOOT INTO THE WEST!” He said pointing at his first experiment, spit flying from his mouth as he raged.

Therese heard 71N4Y whimper behind her. “I’m sorry Arthu-“

“Hush!” She cut the girl off. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Arthur should be begging on his knees for mercy!”

“DON’T YOU DARE STEP UP TO ME 645A!” He said moving closer, but Therese stepped forward.

“Arthur also should be thanking me for saving his men’s lives!” She said ignoring his fury.

He could see he wasn’t going to get through to Therese so he switched his attention to his next prodigy. “71N4Y you are out of bounds and out of ranks. The woman you cower behind like a weak little mouse is in fact a dangerous and irrational person.”

“No… Therese is like me Arthur. We have the same Tattoos.” 71N4Y said rather timidly. It was the first time she had seen Arthur so angry. He had always been kind and patient, but now he was condescending and furious.

“You are nothing like her! You are so much _more_! You could do so much with your life, whereas 645A is broken, and warped by the disease. You are better than her. Stronger. And most importantly you are obedient. Now don’t make me tell you again.” He reached for 71N4Y but she slid behind Therese further.

“I said no. I said no, I don’t want to take more activate. It hurts! And they did it anyway. They wouldn’t listen! I said stop! I said no!” She cried, Therese holding her naked head in her hand, soothingly stroking her as she could hear her heart beating faster as she got more emotional.

Therese looked to Arthur in horror, as he steeled himself for her wrath. “You were pumping more of that green fluid into this girl? No wonder she ripped that guy’s throat out. You have been overdosing her to achieve what?! You’re a sick man.” Therese had had her fair share of the activator serum – it burnt all the serum out of your system that supresses their powers, but it also stripped away some inhibiters, and they had been overly pumping this poor young girl with it.

Arthur trembled with irritation. “She is MY property and MY-”

“Technically sir-”

“Not now Lance. _Especially_ not now.” He shouted down to his co-worker.

“NO! I’m sorry sir but you have gone too far.” Lance snapped. “You will kill this child and that life is not yours to take. Therese deserves to know, she is not your property! Enough lies! Enough! These are people goddammit! Aren’t you tired of soundproofing the walls to block out their screams? I am! And I am tired of this endless ‘progress’ that leads nowhere but inflation for your god complex!”

Lance panted as his rant came to an end, which was until he held his breath, the look in Arthur’s eyes was enough to kill. “Stand down Lancelot.”

“Or what?! You’ll have me put down like you do Therese as 71N4Y?!”

“I will have you booted from this council quick-“

“THIS COUNCIL! I am sorry sir but you act as if this council is a dictatorship, with you a self-pointed dictator. You cannot have me taken off this council without ten other anonymous votes from the others!” Lancelot’s breathing was laboured as he refused to back down. Arthur steeled himself, knowing that he had nothing to hold over Lancelot as he was second in command.

“Soldier. The head phones please.” Arthur held his bony hand out and the head phones were place in his palm. “71N4Y come here.” He said, walking towards his pet project.

Therese heard the girl’s heart beat increase in rate as he neared, but instead of hiding behind Therese 71N4Y jumped out, running at the man. “Leave me ALONE!” She screamed but just as she jumped to propel herself, Therese managed to catch her, pulling the thrashing girl into her arms.

“Hey! HEY!” She yelled as 71N4Y writhed, kicking off any surface she could, shattering the corner of Therese’s bed with her foot, sending splinters flying. The brunette fell to the floor, managing to grab 71N4Y's wrists as she clawed out for Arthur’s face. One of the soldiers stepped up with his hand gun, reloading it to point it between 71N4Y’s eyes but Therese managed to swipe his legs with her feet.

“Therese?” Lancelot, asked looking at her worriedly as the little girl continued to struggle, all of her blows expertly deflected, as Therese had been taught those same tactics as a child. They tumbed about as the girl tried to fight her way from Therese's grasp but she managed to wrap 71N4Y’s arms over the girl’s chest as she yelled out, pressing her to her body.

“Don’t let it win… Control it. I’m here, you can do this - He won’t hurt you. You could defeat him in an instant, but not now - Don’t let it over come you. Contain it… Steady your breathing.” She could hear the shallow ragged breaths strain into longer controlled ones. Therese looked up at Lance who nodded seeing that the young girl’s eyes have returned to the natural green state. Therese held out her hand, holding 71N4Y’s arms in her other, as she clicked for the headphones. Arthur threw them to her, not daring to get any closer, and she slipped them over the trembling girl’s head.

“Thank you…” 71N4Y whispered, curling up in a ball in the caring arms that held her. Therese picked her up with ease, taking her to the bed, not caring how her sheets were stained red as she tucked her into it, seeing that the girl was already exhausted.

Therese looked at her concerned, brushing her cheek with the back of her hand before standing to face the men. “You, you, you and you out. I will not have soldiers burst in on my living space. That was the deal.” The soldiers looked to their leader, and Arthur looked suspicious. “I promise on Carol’s life that you will walk out of this room tonight alive.” Arthur nodded at his men dismissing them and Therese led the three of the Panel into the bathroom. “Tell me. Now. What is she? Who is she?! And why have you had her locked up in this insufferable building for her entire life, torturing her? She told me how you shoot her when she gets out of hand.”

Arthur’s eyes narrowed at Therese’s defensive and demanding tone. “Not all of us can heal as fast as you can Therese. I would like to live to see this through.”

“Yes, well we don’t always get what you like. You can’t control every aspect of her so you shoot her when she steps out of line?! You should have built a robot if you wanted that! You’re stupid. You can’t control the living.”

“She is barely human. She is the most powerful thing that has roamed this earth. She is different.” Mordred cut in looking towards the door, which put Therese a little on edge.

“She is abused! And if you ever want to see that little girl ever again, you will answer me. Right now!” Therese had had enough of their bullshit. She wanted answers and she wanted them now, her tuned hearing heard some rustling in the bed but there was silence once more.

“You would lose Carol… for that killing machine!” Arthur threatened but that was the last straw.

“CAROL DOESN’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!” She snapped, silencing the rest of them. “Check the footage for yourself, she’s swapped me out for a different version, just like I-I… hoped she would. I have been playing this _very_ _long_ game knowing this would be the outcome. That a year from that horrific miserable day, Carol would have a normal life and move on. Move on from me. I have no strings.” Therese’s voice cracked at the end of her sentence, holding back the tears.

Lancelot sighed. “You have one last string Therese. Maybe the most important one of all.”

“What?!” The brunette scoffed. “Tell me what I have Lance?! Because I don’t see Carol anywhere around here! I see her thriving in the world and not one thing that you can blackmail me with.” She said gesturing around to her simple bathroom.

“You have 71N4Y.” Arthur said, reluctantly.

“71N4Y barely even knows me, and from what you say can probably look after herself, the only reason she stays is because the walls of this building are the only things she knows. Neither of us have any strings at all. You don’t own us.”

“No but you own her.” Lance said stepping forward.      

“What are you talking about?” Therese asked looking towards the three shuffling men. Arthur wandered over to the bath, fairly sure that the headphones the little girl wore wouldn’t help him for long.

“Therese.” Lancelot began, unsure of how to exactly say it, but decided to just get it out and pray his neck wasn’t snapped afterwards. “71N4Y is your daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know...  
> Ill see you down below


	29. Day 365

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a short chapter, but there will be an update soon :)

**Day 365**

_It’s been a year since Carol left - Happy birthday to me I guess - and the first time I have written since the abrupt stop 57 days ago. I’m in such a different place and it’s all because of one person. Rindy. Yes just like my own parents I gave my daughter a name. The 7 looked kind of like a R. The 1 an I, and the 4 a D. It was as if the name was given to me._

_I’ll admit, I was furious when I found out, Arthur had bruises for weeks. They have only just begun to fade. I wasn’t going to drown him. Not then anyway because I needed answers. So when I finally let him up for air from the sink of water I plunged his head into he cut the crap and the threats and finally gave me some solid ones._

_Just before I left the facility, when I was ten, I had an operation. They harvested my eggs - Arthur says it’s because he couldn’t have me reproducing in the world, and the fear that they instilled towards children was unreliable - but I knew it was for another sick little Emmanuel project. All the rest of the eggs were too unstable and died. Rindy was the only surviving egg. I asked who the father was but they told me that decades ago the previous Panel, when Arthur was just in training, had perfected the method that involves a cocktail of chemicals acting as an 'artificial sperm' to trick a human egg into forming an embryo._

_Any babies born from the process would be female and genetically identical to their mother, which means Rindy is genetically identical to me, carrying the ‘homosuperior’ gene and also the new Cure running through her veins. They had hoped to make more than one as there was around 500 eggs but were thankful that at least one survived. And four years later Rindy was born from a surrogate._

_They had kept my child a secret from me for 8 years. Although I don’t know what I would have done with a child at 14 years old, but it doesn’t matter, because it would have been a better life than the torturous one she had been put through. I refuse to speak to Arthur, and I would break out, make a run for the border with her, but not only am I scared that Rindy might lose her cool when in public and kill innocent people, but that Carol might be killed in the process._

_When Rindy woke we explained it to her. She had lashed out once more forcing the Panel to leave and for me to calm her down, and again when the soldiers said they were taking her back. She stayed with me that night, and the next, and still does to this evening._

_That evening we got in the bath together, and I washed all the blood off of her, scrubbing the blood from her pale skin. The tub had a ring of red around it but the cleaners got that the next day. She is beautiful, even with the small scars on her back that faded after that night. She doesn’t heal as quickly as I do but she will heal faster the more she grows they tell me._

_They keep her head shaved for brain scans because it’s still developing, but I barely let them touch her now, we cling onto each other like life jacket. And now she has this beautiful dark brown buzz. She looks just like me. A literal mini me, and she is always smiling although her mood can drastically swing. We train together, and have medicals together. We stand with each other through the pain. Although watching her through medical pains me more than being shot. Some days when I know she is tired, I take her place and she holds my hand through it all. I wonder what they will do with us once they find a Cure? Maybe then we will have to run, and I’ll have to kidnap Carol and bring her with us... that is if I can get to her first… I don’t know where she is and trying to listen out for one person in a city of people is impossible._

_Arthur and I have struck a new deal. I get to keep Rindy, and I get her to myself and comply. I try to teach her the difference between right and wrong. At night I tell her stories of what it’s like in the world. She asks me about Carol and I try not to cry._

_Rindy loses her temper, I wish I could say it was very rarely, but it isn’t. Usually when she wants to stay in training a bit longer, or wants a break from the medical. Calming her down is… I’ll admit a little painful. She’s agile and nimble. But thankfully she is young and small, and I can hold her down until she calms, save any others from dying. And a broken bone heals fairly quickly but I avoid them if possible. Plus if I ever get hurt she is usually catatonic, and apologises profusely. She’s my only ray of sunshine in this plac-_

“Mama! C’mon! It’s time for training!” Rindy said, bouncing in wearing one of Therese’s hoodies she liked to wear, occasionally sniffing them and picking at the bullet holes.

“Already?!” Therese said closing the journal, “You finished all your classes?! That’s a record time.” She said as Rindy hopped over to put down her books on the desk, kicking off her shoes. “Ah! Shoes in the wardrobe! Oh don’t look at me like that, you know the rules, this place is…”

“Spotless.” Rindy finished her mother’s sentence picking up her shoes, running to the cupboard, literally quicker than humanly possible before putting them in. “Today we were doing sense deprivation.”

“Sense deprivation? Wow I didn’t do sense deprivation till I was nine! Not eight! You must be good.” Therese winked as Rindy came to sit on the bed with her.

“Who are you writing to?” Rindy asked, looking up at her.

“Oh…” Therese sighed. “- myself.”

“Yourself?” Rindy frowned as Therese brushed over her hair fuzz with her hand. “Well that’s illogical. Why write to yourself, you’d only be reading what you already wrote and thought?” The way Rindy spoke made Therese smile at how formal it was but also make her feel sad that she wasn’t there to teach her to speak herself. Watch her first steps. Hear her first words which she hoped would have been Mama.

“It’s soothing to me. Makes me feel like there is another person in here with us.” Therese could see Rindy’s mouth open to protest. “- Before you came along I was very lonely. I used to lay in bed all day until I was dragged out.”

Rindy hummed in realisation. “You were sad about Carol. Sometimes you say her name when you sleep.” They both had trouble sleeping. Therese would dream of Carol, of her parents, of the torture Rindy must have been through with no one to comfort her. Those were her nightmares, but in her dreams she kill Arthur and Mrs Robichek slowly and then return home to Carol and Rindy, eat delicious food and fall asleep on the sofa. They would frolic in the lake. Carol would teach them to cook. Therese would teach Rindy to ride a horse. In a way they were also nightmares, because she would always have to wake up.

Rindy however, only had nightmares, if she dreamt at all. She would say, ‘when I’m was awake it feels like dreaming.’ She has such terrific nightmares that Therese has to pin her down until she wakes up. “Yes. I was very sad about Carol. It was a year ago today when she left. I write a lot about Carol. And it helped me. Helped me sort out my emotions. Sort out exactly what I felt.”

“And it’s important to know what you’re feeling so you know how to deal with it.” Rindy smiled, remembering what Therese had taught her.

She grinned back, “Very good.” She said wrapping her arms around her daughter pulling her into a tight hug.

“Can we go to training now, Bedivere taught me a new move.”

“He did?” Therese raised an eyebrow getting up.

Rindy stood up on the bed, settling her hands on her hips like a hero. “Yep. I’m going to whoop your ass.”

“Oh really?!” She asked, narrowing her gaze walking towards the door.

Rindy nodded confidently. “Yup.”

“Well… race ya!” Therese said sprinting out the door, laughing at her daughter’s yells of ‘That’s not fair. Restart.’ She was running down a corridor, when Rindy bounced of the parallel walls jumping past her, so she sped up grabbing her by the waist and flinging her into the air behind her. She turned back, just to make sure she landed alright, which of course she did, one hand in front of her crouching body, the other behind her to swing forward as she set off once more. They were nearing the arena when Rindy tackled Therese, sending them tumbling at speed, knocking off the doors of the arena as they rolled in. “It’s a tie.”

“Nuh uh! I totally won.” Rindy protested.

Therese stuck her tongue out like a child. “Nuh uh!”

“Yuh huh!”

“The Panel would appreciate it if you could keep our building intact!” Hector was one of their few trainers from the Panel, along with Lionel and Pellinore.

“Oh shut up Hector, you’re as bad as Gawain.” Therese smirked, knowing everyone found Gawain insufferable.

“No one is as bad as that mong. 71N4Y you’re on hand to hand combat. 645A you’re on underwater training.” He said, pointing to the next room which contained a pool. How they had built a pool at such high altitude was baffling but Therese didn’t complain.

“I’ll see you in a bit baby.” She said, kissing the top of Rindy’s head. “We’ll do some sparring at the end.”

“Ok.” Rindy grinned waving goodbye.

///

Carol walked through the door. The smell of tomatoes hitting her nostrils. “Hello?” She heard a cheery voice say.

“Hey…” Carol said tiredly. For some reason she was just emotionally exhausted. And today had been the most harrowing one since the accident. It had been a year since that crash, and she hadn’t really ever felt the same since.

She just wanted to go home, but Mae had offered to make dinner for them both so she had popped round. “Hey, baby. Bad day at work?” She asked, walking to Carol giving her a quick kiss.

“The worst.” She said, sighing into a hug.

“The anniversary got you down?” Carol nodded. “Well that’s why I thought I would cook for you this evening. I wouldn’t let you sit alone in the big house. What do you want to do tonight? Watch a movie? Read? Anything you want you name it. I’ll give it to you.” Mae said, kissing the back of her hand.

Carol smiled. Mae was the sweetest person she knew. Always thinking of others before herself, she was a paediatrician, treating children by day and comforting Carol by night. “I just want to eat and relax if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course. In fact I made your favourite. Stir fry. It’s not as good as when you make it but I followed the recipe to a T so I hope it’s good enough for the cooking queen.”

“I’m sure it will be great. I’m just gonna wash up but I’ll meet you at the table.” She said gesturing to the bathroom.

“Sure. I’ll dish up.” Mae walked off, her hair all messy from a long day in her blue scrubs. Carol went to the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face. She turned off the tap, drying herself before looking in the mirror. The date on the clock read 21/04/57. For some reason she felt her breathing quicken so she forced herself to look away.

She looked a state, all the colour was drained from her face. The last year had been like hell, trapped on an emotional rollercoaster with her eyes closed, constantly getting whiplash from the jolts she couldn’t see. Sometimes depression would just hit her for days, and she would have to use her compensation to give her a few rest days.

It would be the strangest thing to set her off. Scents, shops, dates. She had stepped in a photo booth once for a new photo to go on her work card for her new job at the furniture store, and stepped out of it a sobbing mess, her photos, evidence of how bad her melt down was. It was as if longing fear and depression just all hit her at once. And she could feel another wave coming.

On one of their first courts she had come clean to Mae, telling her how unstable she was, how her mood would swing like a toddler at the park, but the woman just held her hand and heard her out, said that it was alright, everyone had baggage, and that it would just take time.

She left the bathroom, composing herself. Walking through to the kitchen, removing her heels as she walked. “So stir fry?”

“Yep. I even got hoisin sauce and vinegar to add to it.” She said shaking the bottles teasingly, as Carol had once told her that Stir fry was just a tasteless mess without that sauce, the memory made Carol chuckle.

“You’re the best. Thank you. I can’t wait to try it… Why can I smell tomatoes?” Carol asked sniffing.

“Ahh! That’s just some work lunches. Tomato soup. Do you want me to pack you off with some? There’s plenty, I remember you said you liked it. Do you want a glass of wine?” She was met with silence as she looked through her fridge. “Carol? Oh my goodness, are you alright?” She said, noticing how tears were streaming down her courts face, looking into the red pot.

Carol wiped her eyes quickly, but it was too late, the flood banks were open. “I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m crying. You must think the worst of me.”

“No not at all.” Mae said, rubbing soothing circles on Carol’s back. She led her to the living room to sit and waited for Carol to calm a little. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know. It’s like … there’s something missing. Something making me sad .And I don’t know why, it’s only tomato soup.” Carol scoffed at her idiocy. “But there is so much behind it… I don’t know what.”

“Maybe it’s a trigger.” Mae suggested.

“Yeah maybe.” They sat a while longer in a comfortable silence, Mae handing tissues to the blonde constantly.

“You look tired. How about I box some of this food up, and I’ll drive you home, that way you can sleep. I’ll check on you tomorrow if that’s alright with you?” Mae asked tentatively, worried that Carol would feel lonely.

“Yes, that would be great…” They stood and Mae made Carol a box to go meeting her at the door, once Carol had collected her things. “Gosh I’m so sorry. I really am, it must just be all the stress.” The blonde said rubbing her temples.

“Don’t be. It’s the least I can do.” Mae smiled. “C’mon, let’s get you home. Then you can pass out and sleep off this stress.”

“Thank you.” Carol said, squeezing Mae’s hand softly before letting go once more, contact being a little too much for her right now.

When she reached her house she put the stir fry in the fridge and looked about the dark and hollow house. Its walls so perpendicular to everything else. It was generic and it was common. But most of all it was lonely. But Carol knew she could have 100 people stood in that house, all waiting to start conversation and she would feel just as lonely.

She looked about the shadowed rooms making her way to the stair, climbing them without much thought. And when she reached her bedroom she stopped. She thought about the last time she had felt… human. The last time she had felt sane.

The last time she had felt safe.

She could barely remember, and being in her bedroom didn’t fill her with comfort but with dread, of the silently fitful night to come. “No…” She whispered to no one, before grabbing her jacket and sliding it on as she hurried down the stairs. She picked up her shoes, slipping them on quickly and left.

In search of safety. In search of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you guys wanted to see Carol? You got her! I guess not in the way you wanted her but, you can't get everything you want. I know, wouldn't it be great to make Mae a villian, but in real life, not everyone wants commit terrific scientific experiments on you. She's just the average member of society i'm afraid, who believes she could really have a chance to SEEC With Carol. They get on well enough, and their time together is tranquil. I know. I'm sorry.
> 
> I love the juxtaposition between Carol's and Therese's situation. In most ways they contrast greatly, but they also run along side one another. Therese's being physical pain and Carol's emotional. In a way they both hurt equally. They both leave mental scars and shrapnel, especially when Carol began with the shrapnel, and she is trying to find out what blew up and tore her apart in the first place. 
> 
> I'm getting off topic. Come talk to me below :)


	30. Archangel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorty :)

**Day 452**

There was a knock at Therese’s door. She was playing chess with Rindy in their room and it was a close match, nail biting really.

“One minute munchkin. Don’t move my pieces! I’m serious, I’ll hear you. I’ll even hear your heart miss a beat if you lie.” Therese winked as her daughter flopped on the bed. Therese opened the door and saw Lancelot looking rather seriously. “Hey Rin, I have to go for my walk with Lance.” The girl huffed, gesturing wildly to their game. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Stop being melodramatic. I’ll be back in an hour. Hey, I left a painting on the table. It’s called Sunflowers by some guy call Van Gogh.”

“You didn’t…” Rindy frowned.

“I did. Shhh, Gawain can’t know I broke into his office. I bet you can’t replicate it.”

“Can too.” Rindy challenged.

“Well. Who’s stopping you?” Therese winked. “Oh and earphones on missy! You know my time with Lance is private.” She said pulling the off the shelf which was lined with books. They turned up around 3 months ago when Therese was close to clawing her eyes out from boredom and found out that Rindy liked being read to. She found it soothing. She held the earphones out for the girl and she took them.

She pouted, whining. “Why?”

“Because I like to talk about how great you are behind your back!” Rindy rolled her eyes slipping them and Therese kissed her pout away, making the dimples that matched her own dip into her daughter’s face as she giggled. Therese left, closing the door behind her, walking down the corridor with Lance.

He started off lightly. “Arthur will never admit it, but Rindy meeting you was a gift from ‘All’ himself.”

“What’s up Lance? It isn’t our walking day. Is it Rindy, or me? I know she’s been a little moody lately but it’s because she wants to go outside-”

“It’s neither of you.” He interrupted, waiting for Therese to make the link.

“Then wh-… Carol. What’s happened to her? Is she alright?!” She asked alarmed.

“She’s fine.” He reassured her, watching her take a sigh of relief. “But she has started to see a therapist.”

“Again? Why?” She frowned. Carol was one of the most put together people she knew. The last time she had checked on her felt like forever ago. She was happily courting with Mae Havek and her new job was going fabulously.

“I don’t know, her first session is today, but I think it might be for her emotional instability.”

“Emotional what? I watched footage of her living her life, every day for nearly a year. She was fine. She was… moving on with her life.”

“She’s had a few breakdowns, sometimes she seems a little distant. Night terrors. She has taken compensation on her accident a few times to give herself some rest days, which we have awarded in agreement with your deal with Arthur. It was nothing abnormal for the electroshock therapy. Your fears of children for example, that is a very dull form of what she feels every time she sees something her subconscious associates with you.”

“She’s still fighting.” Therese whispered. She had stopped watching over the footage of Carol since Rindy, and she found herself not writing as much, but Carol never left her mind, it’s just now, she would tell their stores to Rindy. About how she just turned up on the doorstep, ready to work, just wanting to know her. Other stories like their first day in city and day skipping stones on the lake.

Therese felt like shit. She had pushed herself past Carol, believing the woman was truly thriving without her, when in fact, she was still falling apart.

“Well we don’t know that. As I said. She is coming in today. And before you ask, yes, you may watch. Arthur thinks it would be a good reminder to show who is really in control here.”

“Carol doesn’t love me anymore. She doesn’t even know my name.”

“Yes, but you know hers, and you love her. That is all that matters.” Therese was going to deny it, but the look in Lancelot’s eyes made it clear that he knew. “The footage the video will be streamed live to your room in 20 minutes.”

“Sam! 20 minutes?! You thought you would give me 20 minutes to react about this?! What am I going to do about Rindy? I can’t let her watch this!” Therese said, pacing up and down in front of Lancelot.

“I managed to give you warning. Be grateful, and I’ll take Rindy. I’ve been talking to the Panel and they agree that for Rindy to stop jumping to such radical actions, she needs experience with people.”

“You aren’t seriously thinking of taking her out to interact with people without me, are you?” Therese asked incredulously. The only reason she had been able to keep Rindy is because she was the only one that could calm her.

“No. We aren’t as stupid as you may think. We were all proven to be 25% of each faction. That’s what makes us Emmanuel. I’m taking her to the foyer downstairs, she’ll be able to see the city on the elevator down, she wouldn’t leave without you. The doors have been deadlocked, not that that helps, and everyone in the building is armed and has been told not to speak with us. She’ll be given damper serum. Trust me. The first time I took you out you just sat there for 3 hours silently watching people walk by, eating a tub of ice cream.”

“I remember that day…” She said thinking back to her mint ice cream, slowly melting as people walked by. “Ok. But I want to be notified the moment her heart rate gets into the triple digits.”

“Fine by me. Do you think you’re stable enough to see her after all this time?”

“No… but I have to Sam. Thank you.”

“No problem. I’m just being humane.”

“Oh and Lance!” Therese called out to him as he walked away. “Rindy likes Strawberry, but give her a taste of mint choc chip.”

“Like mother like daughter.” Lance chuckled as he walked off.

///

20 minutes later, Therese sat on her bed, staring at the dark screen anxiously. So much could go wrong. With Carol, with Rindy, with all of it. And knowing her luck it probably would. The screen flickered on and a video filtered through from the perspective came into sight. Therese sat forward on her bed, anxiously waiting when the sound came through. It was a knock on the door.

And for the first time in just under 6 months she heard Carol’s voice once more. _“Hi Doctor? I’m Carol Ross here for my appointment.”_ Therese sighed. And just like that she was hit with a trembling wave of love. That voice pulled her back to the last time she heard it. Telling her how much she loved her.

 _“Oh, please Carol, drop the formalities. Call me James.”_ The man said, Therese immediately recognised him as Galahad, just dressed in a red suit. He directed her to a seat. _“So what am I seeing you about today?”_ he said sitting, the camera hidden in his glasses.

 _“I… I was in a car accident… just over a year ago, actually 452 days ago. I know I’m crazy I’ve been counting the days. I…I was in a car accident, and got amnesia. And I have night terrors. Terrible, terrible night terrors. Sometimes I get bouts of depression, if I see or smell or hear certain things. These triggers.”_ Therese could hardly breathe as Carol sat in her chair, her hair falling in front of her face as it always did when nervous.

Galahad prodded. _“Like what, if you don’t mind me asking?”_

 _“Once I was in a photo booth. There was another time when I smelt tomato soup. Another when I entered a coffee shop. I can no longer drink bourbon. That was my favourite drink at one point. I can’t look at it anymore without wanting to throw up. I saw a box of Weetabix in a food isle the other day and had an anxiety attack.”_ Carol scoffed, looking to the ceiling thinking about how moronic she must sound.

_“Ok, so there are triggers from your life before the accident which you enjoyed. And now bring you pain when you try to enjoy them again.”_

_“Yes… no. I don’t know. I didn’t enjoy these things. They were just daily, but when I go back to them, it’s like something is missing… But I don’t know what it is.”_

“IT’S ME!” Therese shouted at the screen knowing there was no use, but praying in some way, wherever the blonde was, she heard her. She could see the emptiness behind the crystal clear eyes she had longed for in her dreams. The 452 days suddenly felt even longer than they already did.

Carol cleared her throat. _“It’s kind of like a person stood behind a pane of frosted glass. I can’t make out any of their features and I can’t tell who they are, but I know that they are missing. And that… I am crazy.”_

 _“You aren’t crazy Carol. You suffered a traumatic experience and you must feel a little vulnerable losing so much of your memory like that. When does it go back to?”_ He asked calmly.

 _“Oh… Around last November time. My friend Abby helped me trace it back. Do you know I attended a party with her? And finished my project which got me the job transfer. And I can’t remember any of it. I don’t even have any photos.”_ Therese knew they had deleted all traces from her from the world, including Carol’s databases and anyone else they came into contact with, but it still stung.

Carol looked a little solemnly at her feet before looking back to Galahad. _“Ok…”_ He said jotting notes on his tablet. _“… apart from the triggers tell me about your life now.”_

_“Oh, it’s good. I have my job transfer. I am well suited in finance in the Furniture shop. I actually manage a few. It’s going well. I just began playing Tennis doubles with my friends Genevieve, Fred and Rick. Those are always amusing.”_

_“So it’s just you and your friends then. No children? Match? A court?”_ Galahad pushed.

 _“I am courting. Yes. Her name is Mae and she is wonderful…”_ A flicker of doubt ran a cross Carol’s face but it was gone before Therese could decipher it. _“Yes wonderful.”_ The brunette could also feel the jealous bubbling inside of her no matter how much her head told her that this is what she wanted.

_“Tell me more about Mae.”_

Carol sighed. _“Well… we’ve been courting for a few months now. We will eat out, watch documentaries on the TV, go play some squash… just normal things. Nothing eccentric.”_

_“You sound fairly steady. And are you expecting to mate? Have a child, contribute?”_

The grey eyes widened. _“Oh no… No. Not yet…”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Why not? Because I can barely look after myself.”_ She said incredulously. _“I sometimes spend days upon days in bed depressed unable to eat. I can’t even get myself out the door sometimes. Because how am I meant to care for a child when I’m constantly breaking down. It’s been a while but I don’t really know Mae that well. Plus children… they terrify me.”_  Therese frowned at this.

_“They do?”_

“They do?” Therese said aloud mimicking Galahad.

_“Yes… there was a point I remember when I would have done anything for a child. But after the crash… It was such a huge loss, I couldn’t risk getting an innocent young child into an accident too.”_

_“And what did you lose that night? The night of the crash?”_

_“Myself… I lost myself. The real Carol must be bouncing about in that car wreckage still. Because I can’t find her. I’ve tried, and I can’t. It’s been over a year so don’t tell me it needs time.”_

_“Ok… It’s going to be alright Carol. It seems to me that your memory loss and all the memories you wished you had have embodied themselves. Formed a kind of person that you believe is missing from you. Another version of yourself. But what ever happened in those three months of memory loss, Carol. Trust me when I say that you need to let go.”_

_“I’ve tried. I have tried the meds. The exercises. Facing my fears. About three months ago… I went to my court’s house. She made me soup and stir fry and I got myself into another bout of depression. She dropped me home but I left. I went to the train station. Hoped on a random train and ended up in Section 5 sub 3… I wandered… for about 7 or 8 miles… I just…. Walked. I don’t even know why. I was freezing. Sobbing. And I stumbled on this farm house… I broke into their hay barn and slept there. In the morning a woman. A nice woman who was the mistress of the house, she came out and got me. Wrapped me up and took me to a hospital. They said I nearly died from exposure… I don’t know what I was doing. If I was trying to end it. Trying to search for something. I don’t know how I could feel so alienated in my own house but closer to home than ever in that freezing hay barn I stumbled upon…”_

_“I see.”_ Galahad wrote for a while. Both people oblivious to the screeching girl that looked upon their conversation, clawing at her chest as her heart hurt so much.

 _“So… what do I do?”_ Carol asked almost desperate.

 _“Well it seems to me that you have in fact become a danger to yourself. I say we try a new method. We show you photos and track your reactions to them. Try and root the problem. Find a pattern –_ “I’M THE PATTERN!” _“- And we go from there. We will make you better again.”_

 _“Thank you. So much…”_ Carol said, wiping stray tears and accepting the tissues Galahad offered.

 

 

 

Therese was thankful that Lance had taken Rindy.

She didn’t want the little girl to see her like this, a ball on the floor, with bloodied knuckles and holes in the concrete floors all around, barely able to breathe because she was crying so hard. Her sobs echoing off the walls as her body tore itself inside out.

She thought she had hit rock bottom the moment she had lost Carol, but this... “I’m sorry Carol… I’m so, so sorry…” She cried until she screamed, the vibrations and trembling of her body making the room shake at the same frequency.

She could hear everything, see everything, taste, smell, feel - All of it - And it was killing her. She could hear the shouts of people on the streets wondering why the ground around the Panel building was cracking; the soldiers running towards her room as the glass around them shattered; and tiles in the bathrooms crack. The books tumbled from shelves and the electricity flickered. Her door flung open as she screamed.

It was all deafening.

The soldiers had never seen anything like it. She was crying blood, her nose and ears dripping the same substance, as her body wracked with unimaginable pain, the veins around her muscles bulging.

They struggled to keep their footing as the room shook with such power. She managed to look up at one. “Please…” She begged, her voice guttural. “Please.”

The soldier put her out right there and then and she was grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "She had a vision of a pale white flower. Shimmering as if seen in darkness, or through water. Why did people talk of heaven, she wondered." - The Price of Salt, Patricia Highsmith


	31. Brontide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away." - Percy Bysshe Shelley, Ozymandias

“Ladies and Gentlemen… I am a fucking Genius.”

“Yes, alright Arthur. You sound like Gawain.” Bedivere sighed, rolling her eyes ignoring Gawain’s protest. “Would you like to explain to us why the building fucking shook and the pavements cracked, and why there was no seismic activity recorded beforehand?”

“Don’t you see? You imbeciles!” Arthur cried skipping around the room. He had never been so happy in his life.

“See what?! Spit it out man! Some of us have a country to run!” Tristan snapped, his glass tablet going crazy.

“Watch. Mordred. Pull up the footage from the body cams of the soldiers.” Mordred tapped a few times before swiping the hologram onto the wall. All the Panel could see was a man running down a shaking corridor, glass walls shaking at a frequency before shattering around them. “Wait for it.” They carried on through the glass, cutting round corners, and guns first until they reach Therese’s door. “Wait for it.” The camera panned up to a guard with his hand by the control panel, his finger hovering over the ‘release’ button. “Now!” The soldier pressed the button and the door hissed open. They ran in guns blazing all pointed at Therese who was screaming into the ground, her muscles twitching, bleeding profusely as she dug her hands into the concrete. Therese begged the soldiers, and then the shaking stopped as the bullet hit her in the head and her body fell limp. “Did you see that?! You saw that?! Right?!”

Galahad scoffed. “You’re telling me, the tremors in the building yesterday… was 645A.” Arthur nodded excitedly. “‘All’ above. What did you do to her?”

“No Galahad. What did _you_ do to her? You recall the tremors started just after you terminated your session with Miss Ross correct?” Galahad nodded. “Well… guess who was watching through your lenses?”

“You’re telling me, she made the ground shake, because Carol was hurting?”

“All the Emmanuel symptoms are there. The black eyes being the phenotype here but look. The tears of blood, her ears, the nosebleed. This is going past our biology. I have… _We_ have created an angel, capable of shaking the earth.”

“An angel that wants to put all of our heads on spikes. She may as well be a demon to you.” Gawain spat, still twitchy around 645A.

“I don’t care. Look at what the human race can become. Who says we have to stop here in this country. We can take the Earth and literally move it at our will! Our achievements will be immortalised. If this is how she reacts when Carol can’t sleep, imagine what she could do if Carol couldn’t function.”

“Arthur. What is your endgame here? Tell me. What is it? Our role as an Emmanuel is to keep the peace, and guide this country. Is to stick to the SEEC. But we are creating Gods to rule over people. It won’t be long before either Rindy or Therese out smart us and easily over power us. We are building weapons. We are killing innocents. Abusing children. My son is Rindy’s age and I see him every single time I look at her. I couldn’t imagine him going through any of this. When does this stop, Arthur?” Lancelot said standing. Enough was enough.

“Don’t you see?! IT DOESN’T. We can make 71N4Y do this too. We can make more. Try see if we can break out this gene and put it into others. Imagine it Lancelot. Moving the very earth with your own hands. We don’t know if it’s telekinetic yet, or if it just brute strength but either way, it’s possible.”

Arthur’s complete lack for human life was obvious and it made Lancelot’s skin crawl. “So what?! We move the Earth. Then what?”

“Then… we evolve.” He said manically. “Become smarter. You’ve seen 71N4Y and 645A. Their learning speed is impeccable, if we put those minds to our country’s problems we would be done by the end of the week. We could conquer everything. Find our ancestors floating in their tin can. Show them how we have thrived on the planet they left us to die on.”

“But at what cost?!” He shouted tired of his arguments being overlooked.

Arthur scoffed. “The cost of two lives!” He said, pointing to the image of Therese behind him.

“Two lives?! Milla Green. Glen Rennoll. Alexandra McNeil. Ravi Durand. Theo Gupta. Albert Reuter-”

“What are you doing?” Arthur said frowning, not following.

“Bran Danchev. Vince Berardi. Sung Ho Kai. Villem Janson. Pris Bellamy. Satish Alki. John Ryers. Eddie Paxton.”

“Who are these people?!” It wasn’t often Arthur didn’t understand, and Lancelot’s refusal to answer his questions made him seethe.

“Just some of the many that have died since this project started 22 years ago. You don’t even know their names. Their faces. They could have just been as easily you. And you want to go ahead with this believing no more will die? Because sure, what’s the difference between the 114 people Therese and Rindy have collectively killed and carried on their conscious and let’s say what… a million? 2 million? TEN?!”

“All a small price to pay for salvation and domination.” It was then some of the Panel looked away from Arthur and started looking to Lancelot. They would never admit it, but their leader’s pet project had become his obsession. All he spoke about. He would watch Therese sleep in the evening and monitor the mother and daughter’s progress during the day.

“Domination over your pent up frustration. Domination over little Keres’ dream to show the upper class in their floating distant space ship that we are better?”

The ice blue in his eyes steeled. “My name is Arthur and you will address me as such, Lancelot!”

“Oh Keres - Arthur. There is not much difference. What matters here is that you have lost your objective. As interesting as the Emmanuel project is you have failed to notice how exiles for love are still rising. And no matter how much bone marrow and blood we draw we are no closer!” Lancelot smashed his fists on the table making the glasses on it jump.

Arthur stared him down but he refused to budge. “We’ll bring Doctor Robichek in. Get her to help. We will find the cure in no time.”

Kay interrupted, straightening her green suit as she did. “Doctor Robichek retired nearly 7 yea-“

“I don’t care! Bring her back or we will burn her precious farm!” He said, shooting daggers at her with his glare. Kay simply typed own onto her tablet, sighing to Pellinore who was also getting tired of his dictator.  “Now… As soon as we have the new drug we start to administer it. Call for an emergency inoculation. Those who refuse are obviously infected. We will do what we must with those. Everyone will be cured. Now… 645A and 71N4Y… I want every inch of their brain scanned. I want bloods looked into. I want anything from them. I want them trained harder. No more stun bullets only real from now on. I want higher security, round the clock surveillance, and I want Miss Ross’s next session to end up with her in that electric chair and Therese watching… we will find her full potential even if it kills her. It doesn’t matter. We have her daughter anyway... And if we manage to bring this out in her… well. ‘All’ will weep.  Meeting adjourned. I will see you all at 19:00 for our evening meeting.” He said, buttoning his suit to leave his colleagues huffing, storming from the room in one fell swoop.

///

**Day 461**

Therese blinked slowly as a torch was shone into each of her pupils until they dilated accordingly. Instinctively she smacked the hand off sending the doctor flying into her instruments, setting off all the safeties from the guards’ guns.

Her head throbbed and she held a hand up to it. “Shit, I’m sorry.” She said squeezing her temple, sniffing slightly and tuning her hearing. “If it helps, you didn’t break anything, I would have heard it. Although I know it hurt, I can smell the adrenaline being released in your system. You’ll be alright. Bad bruising though. Ouch, that adrenaline and shock not agreeing with you? I can hear your stomach tensing.” Therese said keeping her eyes closed, not needing her sight to know what was happening.  “Again I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing… Next time you’re coming through I won’t stand as close. Fucking hell.” The doctor sighed as she crawled to her feet, rubbing her arm.

“Could everyone please leave? I’d like to be alone with my daughter.” Therese felt Rindy smile into her side, happy that her mother could sense her laid next to her in the bed. Her daughter shuffled closer and Therese automatically brought a hand to the girl’s head, running her hand over the short buzzed hair. She could hear Rindy’s heart beating a little quicker with excitement but no movement from the guards around. “Let me rephrase that.” She stated, not even looking at them, her eyes remaining closed. “Get out of here before I kill you all and don’t even think twice about it.”

Therese could smell the sweat inching out of their pores as the guards looked round to each other before mutually deciding to leave the room at Therese’s empty threat. Therese shifted in the bed scooting closer to her daughter, wrapping the girl in her arms and finally opening her eyes. Rindy’s smiling face was the only thing she could stand waking up to. “Hey Mama…”

“Hey baby girl. What day is it today?” Therese said, ignoring the pain in her head which pounded against the back of her skull as if a part of her brain was clawing to get out, as the sight in front of it numbed it all out.

 Rindy looked up to her mother who was a ghostly pale shade, her eyes sunken and her body weak, but still fighting. “461.” She said, trying to smile, but the smile quivered and it wasn’t long before she as sobbing into Therese’s chest.

“Baby. Baby what’s wrong?” Therese asked, trying to catch her daughter’s chin in her hand to make her look up but Rindy smacked her hand away, and then her body as she crawled from the bed to rock upon the edge of it. Therese was worried, not about the bruises that weren’t fading from Rindy pushing her away, but from the fact Rindy wouldn’t even look at her. She tried to push up onto her hands and knees to crawl over to Rindy but her arms gave way. It was then her eyes caught a mirror, and she saw the state her body was in. If it wasn’t for the bruises that weren’t fading away like usual, she would look like death embodied. Her thinner hair, dark eyes, weedy frame that had wasted away from its fuller form. She had only been out for 9 days but it looked like she had been dead for 9 days. She turned back to her daughter, repeating her questions, wishing she could crawl over and wrap her arms around her.

“I was sat in the foyer with Lance. Eating ice cream.” It hit Therese like a tonne of bricks. Rindy had been without her for 9 days. Left in the dark whilst Therese teetered on the brink of death. “Then the building began to shake.” The girl whimpered as her mother suffered through flashbacks. “I ran. I came to find you. And when I did… mama you were bl-bleeding.” Rindy’s voice cracked. “You were bleeding from everywhere. And… and you… I thought you were dead. Mama they put you out but… you were gone for so long, I didn’t know if you were going to come back.”

“Of course I was going to come back! Rindy I‘m sorr-”

“What happened? What happened?! For 8 days I laid here and whenever I woke up you were still sleeping! I-I-I didn’t think you were coming back. You were bleeding so much. It wasn’t stopping. I tried to stop it Mama, I tried…” Therese couldn’t bare the sound of Rindy crying so she used the little energy she had left to fling her body off of the bed and wrap her arms around her. Rindy thankfully heard her coming and caught her. Cradling Therese’s back and the crook underneath her knees before sitting her upright in the bed with ease.

The brunette lifted her hand to wipe Rindy’s tears. “I’m sorry. I… they showed me something. Something that hurt Mommy a lot. It hurt me… And I let the beast win. I lost myself. I didn’t even know I could lose myself like that. I had no restraint over my actions, and everything in this room became too much. I just wanted to tear it down. And then I managed to find a sliver of myself. And I told the soldiers to make it stop, and they did, the only way they knew how.” She said, caressing the young girl’s cheek. “I’m so sorry baby, know I would never leave you on purpose. I… I would never… Because…” She took a deep breath. If this went wrong a lot of people could die, she didn’t have the strength to stop Rindy. But if it went right then it might just give her the energy to smile. “I love you Rindy…”

“I love you too Mama.” Rindy said, and Therese had to catch her breath. It was the first time the girl had said it back.

“You do?” She said unbelievingly to have her daughter nod her head in her trembling hands.

“You scared me so much Ma,” Rindy shook her head as she cried, but Therese didn’t let her hands fall, as much as her muscles begged her to. “I didn’t know what to do. All I’ve been doing is, training, more and more and more and doing medicals. It was like I didn’t have you all over again.”

“Rindy, I will never leave you again. And I promise, I will try to protect you from it.” She said, her thumb tapping rhythmically on the girl’s cheek. To the cameras it would just look like her hand shaking, but Rindy knew better as she calmed herself to listen to her mother’s words. “I’m going to get better ok? And then things are going to go back to normal.” Rindy nodded, half listening, half deciphering the coded Therese tapped on her cheek. “When I’m stronger we will go back to our normal lives and… and play and train as soon as we get me healthy alright?”

“Alright. As soon as you’re strong and healthy?” Rindy asked, raising her eyebrows.

Therese nodded, the message coming to an end. “As soon as I’m back to full strength.” Rindy leaned into her gently and Therese could finally relax with her daughter by her side and a plan formulating in her head. And Rindy relayed the message tapped onto her cheek, again and again on repeat in her head.

_We are getting out. Going home. Keep it a secret. I love you._

///

“Finally, Samuel, I’ve been waiting for you to come home forever.” Mary said as Lancelot walked through the door in a blue suit, putting down his briefcase to kiss his wife hello.

“Well, Mary, I have been wanting to come home to you forever.” He replied, before spotting his son running towards him.

“DADDY!” The little boy yelled as he was swept into the air and a big kiss landed on his cheek. Lance put his boy down, hugging him tight.

“Hey Sammy. How was Training-Ed today?” He asked as he always did. When He and Mary had found out that Sammy had been chosen as a candidate for Emmanuel and a successor to one on the Panel, he had been distraught. The thought hollowed out his heart, to bear the burden of this country had hardened Lance over the years and as he looked into his little boy’s eyes, he prayed to ‘All’ that it would never lose that twinkle, that glimmer of innocence that was ripped from his own eyes so brutally.

“It was ok. We’ve been studying the laws and when they were made. Who made them. Why they made them. The usual.” The boy said reciting over his mediocre day.

“Good. So, who made the SEEC?” Lance said narrowing his eyes teasing his son.

“The Panel of 2302. The first Panel. That was an easy one.” The boy said flumping in his arms.

“Just testin’. Go get washed for dinner. I’m pretty sure I smell gumbo. And you know how much I like your mother’s gumbo.” Lance winked watching his boy run off upstairs to wash and change.

Lance leant over to his mate and sighed as she took his face in her hands. “Tell me later.” She whispered, knowing that he needed to unload. She leant even closer just in case Sammy was close. “I love you.”

Lancelot leant back smiling at his wife, looking deep into her dark brown eyes that were as dark as the hand that caressed her face, before kissing her. “I love you too.” He sighed against her lips before pulling away completely, hearing their boy bounding down the stairs. “I’m gonna steal from the gumbo pot!” He said racing his son to the kitchen letting him win before serving out dishes. The sight of his family making his heart hurt a little.

The books were right. Love did hurt. But it was a small price to pay. And a secret to keep close to his chest.

///

There was a knock at the door before it swung open shutting gently. Harge walked into the house and sat on the couch picking up a glass of wine from the coffee table, staring into the fire as Carol did so.

“You came.” Carol said simply, sipping her wine.

“Well…” Harge sighed. “You called… How have you been?” He asked turning to face his ex mate who continued to look into the electronic flames.

She smirked a little. “Horrendous… You?”

Harge scoffed. “A little beaten and bruised around the edges but not too bad.”

Carol finally turned to him, looking at him in detail. “What do they have you doing in that building Harge? I was there a couple weeks ago, I was waiting to be let out of the room and the whole building began to shake. Like an earthquake but only centred in the building. The community barely sees you anymore. It’s ever since you began to work there.”

Harge smiled into his glass, swirling the wine before sipping some. “Well… you know, intensive training and all. They are training me to be an elite.”

“‘All’ above. You’re battered to pieces.” She said looking at the cut on his cheekbone and taped up nose. Rindy had copped him with a light blow and broken his nose. She had been angry about her mother’s situation and apologised profusely afterwards, knowing Therese had expressed profusely not to hurt him for reasons unjustified. But Harge had simply clicked it back and chuckled a little. He had always wanted a daughter, just like Rindy. Just a little less deadly.

“You don’t look too good yourself Carol.” He said, looking at the woman who was curled into the corner of the couch, a lot skinnier than usually, but not in a healthy way.

“Wow. Way to put it lightly.” She said diving back into her wine glass but Harge took it from her hands, placing it on the coffee table out of immediate reach.

“Oh knock it off. It’s me. What’s wrong with you?”

“I…I don’t know.” Carol shrugged.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Harge asked blatantly, and Carol was a little shocked. She hadn’t heard that one before.

“As in, there is no root to my depression. Yep. You heard correctly. I am a diagnosed.” She chuckled morbidly. “They think it’s that even though Abby says that some of the symptoms don’t align but who am I to question a psychotherapist?”

“You need to move on, Carol. Not just for your sake.” Carol went to reach for her wine glass, ready to hear another speech she had heard a million times before. “Abby is right you know. I can’t believe I’m saying it either but she is.” She stopped mid-stretch and sat back down into the sofa. “You need to dig yourself out of this rut, stop seeing this psychothera-shit and get yourself outside. Be happy you are alive and that your car crash gave you a second chance at life. It could have left you imprisoned in your own body. But it hasn’t. You walk. You talk.”

Carol huffed. “Harg-“

“No listen to me. I may have been a bad person during the time that we were mated but being in the able position I am in now I see clearly. I am sorry, for what I put you through. But seeing you like this is painful, because this isn’t you. You need to pick yourself up. Dust yourself off, let go of why you feel sad and focus on the things you are able to do that others maybe aren’t so able to do. Stop trying to please everyone in this damn world and live at your own pace.” Harge had always been a man of the law, an avid follower of the SEEC so Carol couldn’t help but look surprised. “Yes, I know I’m the last person you would hear that from. But, I was just desperate to be a father. I still am. But… that isn’t in the cards for me and I’ve come to accept that. I shouldn’t have pressured you the way I did. I drove you away so hard that you resorted to sleeping with Abby of all people. I mean, not to sound crass but, you would never had worked out.”

Carol absorbed the information, nodding slowly. It was if a small part of her past-self had been let free. And for some reason, a lake came to mind but it was gone as quickly as it came. “No you’re right. But she was there when you weren’t. I know it isn’t an excuse. What I did was wrong… But I didn’t do it to embarrass you. But just to let myself live out of the bubble we were trapped in.”

“And now I’m doing this to free you from yours. Dump your court. Let yourself breathe. Find the little things in life that make you happy and appreciate them. You never know what others gave up so you could witness them.”

“What if Mae… my court. What if she makes me happy?” Carol asked, questioning Harge’s knowledge.

“She doesn’t Carol.” He said simply calling out the blonde’s bluff.

She narrowed her eyes, asking a question she herself didn’t know the answer to. “How do you kn-“

“Otherwise she would be sat here saying these things and not me…” It all made sense. 10 minutes with her ex mate had done more for her than hours upon hours of meetings with therapists. “We should do this again. You know. Just when things get too much. You forget we were matched. We must have some form of compatibility. Even if it is just one for friendship.” He said downing his wine, picking up his white army jacket before necking Carol’s drink too, knowing that she should stay as far away as possible from alcohol, and Carol seemed to understand this as he looked at her placing the two empty glasses in her palms.

“I would like a friendship.” She said truthfully.

He smiled genuinely, and Carol did too, the first one she had for a long time. “Get to bed.” He said. “I’ll lock the door on the way out.”

“T-Thank you… Goodnight Harge.” She added as he slipped out of the door.

“Goodnight Carol.”

///

Harge got into his car driving silently down the road for barely a minute before stopping once more, getting out and climbing the steps of the Gerhard’s. He range the door bell and Gen answered, shortly followed by Abby.

“You’ve got some nerve showing up here at this time of night.” Abby snarled, always one to jump to conclusions fairly easily.

“I know. I know. But I need to do this.” Gen nodded giving him time. “Do you remember Therese Belivet?”

Gen’s eyes widened before pulling Harge inside. “Harge we do not say that name anymore. We could all bring Carol’s life crashing down around her.” She whispered not wanting to wake Daisy who was a light sleeper.

“I know. But Carol will remember. One day she will. I know you’ve been watching her fall down this perpetual rabbit hole not knowing what to do, but her memory is cracking. Her mind straining.” Gen and Abby looked at one another, both knowing it was true Carol was remembering nothing but her mind was breaking under the weight of not knowing.

“It will kill her. It’s been over a year Harge.” Abby said, wiping her silent tears staying strong.

“I know. But you two will be the first people she will run to when she does, to validate her memories. And when she does you need to hand her this letter.”

“What is it?” Gen said taking the letter that was a little worn, her finger tracing over the connected neat writing on the front of the letter, which read ’13 x’.

“I don’t know.” Harge said truthfully.

“Who wrote it?” Abby asked, looking at the writing.

Harge sighed. “Who do you think?” He said, validating Abby’s thoughts.

“How did you get it?” Gen asked but she could see the indecision scrawled across Harge’s face.

“No more questions. Can you do this for me? For Carol. Please.” He begged, looking at the women in their pyjamas. It felt like forever until they nodded. “Thank you.” He said, turning to the door opening to leave but then he remembered something. “Oh and don’t read that letter. She was very specific about that.” He said, remembering the day Therese had beaten him to the floor in training and slipped it into his vest on one of her blows. The next time she saw him and he was recovered she apologised profusely and a look was exchanged between the two of them which confirmed Therese’s very last line of hope.

It was Therese’s shining beacon. One that had been getting dimmer for a very long time now, but it still flickered on the horizon. It still flickered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bomb recap:  
> 1.) Therese and Rindy either have more powers or are just so strong they can shake the ground.  
> 2.) Therese wants to and is planning to break out of the Centre with Rindy  
> 3.) Lancelot is infected and so is his wife  
> 4.) Harge is now friends with Carol and not a complete douche afterall [although still a little douchey]  
> 5.) Therese has given Harge a secret letter to give to Carol if she ever remembers Therese  
> 6.) Abby and Gen now have said letter in case Carol remembers.
> 
> Come discuss!


	32. Impetuous Intent

**Day 462**

Therese was smart. She always had been, but her enhanced DNA allowed her brain to process things much quicker. What was the point of having a computer that you could put information into at warp speed if it couldn’t process and output as fast as the information input? But even with this ability, finding a way out of her sticky situation was difficult. It wasn’t just her life on the line.

It was Rindy’s and Carol’s too. They could break free, but Carol would have a gun to her head in seconds. She could break out Rindy, but how long would it be until they found her, and who would die in the process of bringing her back in. She could pray that the Panel had forgotten about Carol by now. But she had fucked that up when she had made the ground shake just seeing the blonde.

It seemed like there was no way out. It seemed as if there was. But the Panel had weaknesses. Therese had had over a year to study their movements. Listen in on their conversations. Map the building. She had time on her side. She knew where the weapons were kept. The response times of the soldiers. Their tactics and training. She knew the frequency of their coms.

She had some sort of mental arsenal. But an arsenal couldn’t stop a country searching for them as they ran to the Wild. And even then, what would they find? How would they survive? There were too many possibilities. But her mind subconsciously worked on the problem while she went about her normal day. Always thinking, always running. Never stopping.

///

“What are you thinking?” Carol asked as Mae ran her hands through the blonde’s hair on the sofa sipping red wine, watching TV.

Mae smiled down at her. The raven haired woman always had a smile to give her whenever she couldn’t manage one. She wasn’t sure what hole she would be dwelling in if it wasn’t for Mae. Her court had picked her up at her lowest, never intruded, never pried. “Oh turning the tables now, are we?” She said jokingly, as that was usually her question to Carol.

“You could say that.” Carol replied as she watched Mae take a sip of her drink before placing it on a coaster she had bought Carol a while back. They were a teal blue, which brought some sort of character to the house that had begun to become more and more lifeless over the last year.

“What am I thinking? I’m thinking that I’m rather content, sitting here with you, enjoying my Thursday evening. I’m thinking that I must start using your shampoo.” She said ruffling the growing blonde hair. Carol chuckled. “I’m thinking that whatever you marinated that fish with I just have to write down so that I’ll remember it for another night. I’m thinking… that you have grown so much from since I first met you… I’m thinking of the work meal that I must invite you along to. I’m thinking of how relaxed I am… Is that enough?”

“Wow you’re thinking of a lot more than I am.” Carol joked and Mae poked her in the ribs.

“Why, what are you thinking?” She smiled, that infectious smile.

“I’m thinking…” Carol didn’t exactly know. “I’m…” And then something came to her as out of the corner of her eye she spotted her desk. “I’m thinking that I need to start writing again.”

“You write?” Mae asked surprised, sipping her wine.

“Yeah, at one point. Oh c’mon I must have told you…” Her court shook her head. “No? Well, yes I used to keep diaries of sorts journals, you know just for everyday use. But that was a long time ago. I think I should start one.” Carol said, thinking of how she used to write every single day but couldn’t even remember the last time she had. The memory just seemed to stop. She knew she used to write a lot, and just boiled the feeling down to something she used to do in her teenage years.

Mae’s brows furrowed. “Why, are you feeling down again?” She asked worriedly. Recently Carol had begun to recover little by little. Triggers were still as damning but she had come to accept that no matter how hard she wracked her brain it would answer her with nothing.

“No… no I just feel like writing you know. I can’t remember the last time I actually sat at my desk and wrote something. I haven’t touched my desk in years. Not since Harge really.”

“Well sure, that’s great.” Mae said optimistically. “You could start tonight?”

“I’m going to leave it for a month. The stores are expanding. I have one more therapy session. It’s a busy time.” Carol said sitting up, reaching for her own glass before taking a lengthy sip.

“Ok, I mean it’s up to you. But you’re right it’s sometimes good to pick up old hobbies or habits. I’m so proud of you baby.” Mae said rubbing Carol’s back soothingly.

“Thanks Mae.” Carol said as her court gave her a small kiss to her forehead.

“Anyway I need to get going. See you Saturday for this work meal?” Mae said standing fetching her coat to throw over her scrubs, sliding on her shoes.

Carol followed her to the door to see her out. “Of course.”

“Alright bye baby.” She replied, leaning in for a kiss. It was sweet and soft just like Mae.

“Bye.” Carol said pecking her one last time before closing the door. She looked over to her desk, it was like it hadn’t even been there for the past year, and now it was all she could see. She walked over to it but veered off, like a part of her wasn’t quite ready to jump down that path once more, so she picked up her wine glass and finished the sweet liquid, turning out the TV and lights before heading to bed.

Carol thought about her relationship with Mae. Recently it had been coming to mind a lot. There was nothing wrong with it. But there was nothing right about it. She felt as though if her life was to play out like this spending each day with each other then they would eventually tire. But they were happy. For now at least. And she was clinging on to the hope that the happiness would grow in tendrils. The hope was slipping with each new day as the guilt intensified, but instead of letting go, she was selfish and clung a little bit tighter. Mae was what she needed at the moment. Stability.

But Carol worried what would happen to them once she was stable or doomed to be instable.

///

**Day 468**

“Therese, you’re back to full strength. Good. You’re on medical only today. No training.” Galahad said as Rindy and Therese walked through the arena doors.

“What about my sessions with Rindy afterwards?” She said wrapping a protective arm around her daughter’s shoulders.

“I’m on direct orders. No training for you today.” He said, throwing Rindy her gloves. Rindy looked up at her mother reluctantly before putting them on, giving her a tight hug before stripping off her hoodie to warm up.

“This place is a joke. Does this mean Rindy isn’t in medical today?” She asked watching her daughter scale the wall with ease.

“That’s right. You’ll see her later on. You’re in medi bay 4. HEY! 71N4Y! No slacking at the top, I want every single weight brought down from their individually!” Therese heard the beginnings of the warm up as she departed making her way over to the fourth bay. She opened the door to see Gawain sat at the table looking rather bored.

She sighed closing the door behind her. “You aren’t a doctor.”

“And you aren’t fully human. Now we have the facts out of the way, why don’t you sit and we can begin hmm?” He said with a smug smile that seemed to be constantly etched onto his face.

“Begin what?” Therese asked as she took a chair across from him.

“Begin telling me how you made the building shake.” He said handing her the glass tablet, pulling out cctv from that day along with a video of her.

“Oh…” She sighed dropping the file, reaching over to Gawain’s top pocket, where he always kept a pack of cigarettes. “Are we finally getting around to that?” She said, opening the pack, leased to see it was full and with a lighter.

“It’s simple. Tell me how you made the building shake. There was no seismic activity beforehand so it wasn’t an earthquake. Either you moved the ground with your mind or you moved the building with brute strength, either way, it’s impressive. Our brain scans of you and Rindy have picked up nothing.”

“…” She stayed silent as she lit the cigarette.

“Ok… Let’s try something else.” He opened then downed the lemonade that had been sweating onto the table before placing the can in front of Therese. “Make the can move.” He said gesturing to it.

“…” She pulled a long drag from the smoking fag, groaning out as the nicotine hit her system. It had been a while.

“Make. The can. Move.” He stressed, getting more and more impatient as Therese simply didn’t give a fuck. But he was surprised when she leant over, his smug smile returning, only for it to drop when she flicked it off the table, smiled and returned to her cigarette. “Oh you think you’re funny? Is this your way of telling me that you moved it with brute strength?”

“…” She simply shrugged and placed her feet up on the table. _This is child’s play._

“Ok, where did the power come from which part of you?”

There was a question that she wouldn’t mind answering. “Everywhere.”

“And what did it feel like?” He asked, a bit relieved that he wouldn’t walk away to his superiors empty handed.

“Unimaginable pain. If someone didn’t shoot me then I would have either torn the building apart or imploded. The energy needed to go somewhere.”

"And what was it that created this power?” He asked, seeking more from their subject.

Therese heard his question. But with a mind like hers she was processing how the conversation would flow for the next ten minutes and decided to skip it. “You’ve been lying to me.”

“Excuse me?” Gawain’s brows furrowed.

“Hiding tapes of Carol, telling me she is fine when she is still fighting against her memory block every day. You’ve been lying to me. And I’ve been lapping it all up like an obedient dog.” She said blowing the smoke in his face.

“Now, now Therese. It is you that always has to remind the Panel that you and Rindy aren’t animals.” He said trying to reach for his pack but she pulled it out of reach and pushed him gently, which sent him flying back into his chair.

Therese scoffed. “You’re a prick.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” He said straightening his suit.

“How about _you_ tell _me_ something I don’t know… Like how many therapy sessions Carol’s been having? Like where the fuck were all of your surveillance when she nearly died of hypothermia in a hay barn? Like why that bitch, Robichek, is still working on that farm if I’m not there to watch over? Your questions suck by the way.” She said putting out the cigarette, lighting two others, handing one to Gawain which was accepted. He looked to the two way mirror. “I can hear them. They say its fine.”

Just then his earpiece flashed, giving him the go ahead. “Miss Ross has had… 33 sessions since the day she left. Some were mandatory. Some asked for. The one you witnessed a couple of weeks ago was asked for. Our surveillance, has been decreased. She was docile. There was no need to pile so many resources into her. Should you get out of hand it would only take one man with a good eye and a bullet. But that night, it was sporadic. She just upped and left. We lost track of her after she got off the train. She took an odd route. She didn’t really know where she was going. We stormed the house that night and found nothing. There was no one in your lake cabin, so we had surveillance put around her house. We knew nothing until Robichek called it in.”

“And thank ‘All’ above she did or you would be in some deep shit wouldn’t you. You’d have absolutely nothing. You barely have anything keeping me here now… What about Robichek?”

“She has been brought in for reasons unrelated to you.”

“Lie. I can hear your heart beat Gawain. C’mon, you know better to lie to me. Why is she here?”

“Like I said. It has nothing to d-“

“Fine! I’ll find out myself.” She leant in tuning her senses to Gawain. “645A? 71N4Y? Therese? Rindy? Abilities? Homosuperior?”

The spitfire questions threw him off guard. “What are you doing?” He asked, oblivious to the ways she was scanning his every feature, looking for something, anything to give him away.

“Tommy? Carol? Carolyn Ross? The Emmanuel Project?”

He caught on rather slowly. “Stop that!”

“Emmanuel? The Panel? The earthquake? The Cure? T-… Bingo.” She said, seeing his pupils dilate a little and his heart rate quicken. “What about the Cure? Is it ready? I mean it must be. The amount of biological material you have from me and Rindy could fill a museum. Is that what you’re scared to tell me? That you have the Cure and are now focusing on the Emmanuel Project?” Gawain looked away, trying to avoid eye contact. “No… Then what is it?” Therese could hear his ear piece going crazy, telling him to abort, to get out of the room. Gawain stood, heading to the door quickly when it snapped. “You don’t have a Cure do you?” Gawain stopped, and she could hear Arthur swear on the other side of the one way glass. Therese began to chuckle, and then laugh, and before she knew it she was clutching her stomach as she cried into the table, her body wracking with laughter.

When she finally opened her eyes Gawain was sat in front of her once more. Looking at her blankly, his jaw tense. “What’s so funny?”

“After all this… 468 days… me, Rindy… Everything. You don’t have a cure. You’ve been so fixated on this Emmanuel Project that you have forgotten why I was made. Tell me. Cat’s out of the bag now. Doctor Robichek is back here trying to work on the Cure because she used to be head scientist and the ones you have now don’t know how to solve it. You didn’t want me knowing because you thought I would tear her limb from limb. Which you’re right I would.”

“…”

“Oh! Ladies and Gents!” She said turning to her reflection. “You may want to zoom in on Gawain here, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him speechless!” She sat back down to the twitching man in green. “You all seem mysteriously silent.” Her brain whizzed over scenarios before finding the one that would connect it all. “Was it the Emmanuel Project?”

Gawain’s eyes betrayed him as they whipped up to glare at her.

“I’m no longer fully human. The cure in Rindy and I is no longer viable for humans.”

“We would have to make every human in this country Homosuperior.”

“And you’re finally seeing the holes in your grand plan. In Arthur’s wish to turn the world. So what is it? You would lose control of the people? You couldn’t control them?”

“If we turn them, the homosuperior gene, it would destroy any remnants of the current Cure. Everyone would be able to love, and everyone would be too infected to want to take the new and improved Cure that is viable for the homosuperior gene. We discussed giving you and Rindy your shots but then we wouldn’t have Carol as a bargaining chip.  Plus, the gene was only made for a select few at first and over time a society and population, not a mass conversion.”

“So either you lose slowly, over time, easing humanity into loving… or you lose in fire and anguish as the country tears itself apart, straight into extinction.”

“There is a chanc-”

“Don’t kid yourself Gawain… Don’t… So what now? You go back to harassing the work staff. They all go back to their lives. The country runs itself into an epidemic… Where does that leave me and Rindy? Where does that leave the 8 nearly 9 years of her life and the 22 of mine?”

“You’re still useful for the Emmanuel Project.” Gawain said, his faith in his words failing him.

“How? We are the only two. Sure you could harvest Rindy’s eggs in a few years. Wait for them to mature. Make me a grandchild/ clone or whatever. But how long do you think that will work for? How many generations will you be able to make? Our fertility is ridiculously low…”

“That’s Arthur’s problem. You’re not my pet project. You’re his. I’m outta here. I’m taking the rest of the day off.” He said to the glass, taking out his earpiece before leaving.

Therese stood, putting out her cigarette on the glass before placing her hands on it. She gave it a quick calculated push and it shattered, bringing down the barrier between her and Arthur. “To scared to say ‘Hello’? It’s been a while. We don’t really talk anymore. Although I can see why, not only do you hold me prisoner, but you withheld my daughter from me. We both remember what happened last time I saw you.”

“645A.” He said monotony.

Therese sighed. “Still clinging onto that name huh?” She said hopping over the barrier so they were stood in the same room. “What will you do? You’ve failed your one mission as a person of the Panel over what? You’re fantasy?”

“Don’t get too cocky 645A. There is still time. Doctor Robichek-“

“Wants nothing to do with this. I know it. You know it. She has been out of the lab too long. You’re out of options. So what’s plan B?”

“There are so many alternative options. So many that you couldn’t even comprehend-“

Therese studied him as he waffled on about his many options that were like paper, burning away in the wind. “You’re scared.”

His demeanour turned on a pin point. “I AM NOT!”

“You can talk the talk Arthur but your biology gives you away. You aren’t like me. You’re fully human. Although I doubt anyone would call you that now. Look at yourself. In my nightmares you were this imposing man I _feared_. Every night when I went to sleep as a child, you were there to scare me awake. I dreaded closing my eyes. And now… the tables have turned haven’t they. Do you see me when you close your eyes?” She asked tracing over the lines which were signs of his aging.

“You are still my subject. You will still stay. You are my property.” Her hand dropped.

“For a puppet master you don’t have many strings left on me. You have one, fraying string. One… and you have begun to neglect that too. I know it may take your slower and less evolved brain to realise this but the Panel will fall under your leadership. Either from the inside or out. And Rindy and I will be the only ones left standing.”

She began to head for the door but Arthur called out for her as soon as she reached the handle. “You will never leave this place.”

She stopped turning back to him. “Then why have us?”

He breathed calmly, looking at Therese with… _Longing?_ “You had so much potential.”

“I still have it, you’re just having a tantrum because I won’t bow down and follow your every whim, but can you blame me? You exiled my parents, tortured me my whole childhood. You took away the one thing I loved in the world, locked me up like an animal, threaten me every day. Kept my own daughter a secret from me and put her through the same abuse I suffered. You haven’t even let her see the world. Why on earth would I show you any compassion?”

“Because I am your creator.” He said simply.

“Yeah, well. I didn’t ask to be created.” She said going to open the door, when the building began to shake underneath her feet.

“You feel that 645A?” Arthur said, his voice taking a sharp edge as he walked up behind her, leaning in closely to his ear. “That… that is raw potential…”

She snapped grabbing him by the throat, pushing him up against a wall as he laughed, turning red in her gorilla tight hold. “WHERE IS RINDY?”

“She doesn’t need you… She’s so powerful… Run 645A.” She dropped him and he clattered to the floor as she sprinted from the room, following the quaking. “RUN!” He laughed, choking as he did, getting a kick out of how she had obeyed for the first time in a year. “RUN!”

“RINDY?! RINDY?!” She ran round the corridors as the building shook, following the quaking of the building until she heard a guttural scream. She followed it to the arena that was cracking around the edges. She kicked the door sending it flying into the soldiers that were not circling her daughter with assault rifles as she screamed into the floor.

They were having trouble standing as it was which made it even more easy for her to dodge their advances, taking them down swiftly, her eyes growing dark as she did.

“RINDY?!” She yelled to her daughter, as she fought off the soldiers sending them flying. “RINDY! STOP! YOU CAN STOP THIS!”

“IT HURTS!” She screamed as Therese took down the last of the squadron, running over to her daughter who was bleeding just like she had. She grabbed her off the ground and into her arms, wiping the red tears from her face.

“Rindy, stop this. It’s ok - It’s ok. Don’t let the beast win.” She said soothingly stroking her daughters head as the building shook harder.

“You’re not real. You’re dead I saw it.”

“I’m real Rindy! I’m real. Feel.” She brought Rindy’s trembling hand to her face that was damp with her own tears.

Rindy fisted her hand in her mother’s hair. “You died. They showed me, you died.”

“I didn’t.” She reassured. “Rindy please stop. You’re going to kill yourself.” She said, remembering the amount of pain that surged through her body when she had done the same.

“I don’t know how Mama. It hurts – Please make it stop.” She plead and it broke Therese’s heart, the heart that already lay in pieces was crushed into dust.

“No you can do this, I’m here. You have to breathe. Breathe baby please.” She said, not knowing what to do. All she could do was beg her daughter. She couldn’t lose Rindy this way. She wouldn’t. She had only just gotten her. Without Rindy she didn’t know what she would do, or who she would kill in her grief. She refused to let her daughter die. She was too young, too good, too sheltered and abused to not feel freedom whipping through the wind and over her scalp.

Therese had to give her a life, outside of this hell that was Rindy’s home for so long until they were reunited. She would defy the laws of physics and the universe to keep the girl with her. Secrets be damned.

Rindy let go of her mother, reaching her hand out to the side of her before a gun flew through the air and nestled itself in her palm. She handed it to Therese. “Please make it stop.”

Therese threw it away in disgust, focusing all of her attention back on her daughter. “No. No I won’t. You can do this.”

“Help me.” She plead as another squadron burst through the door. Therese sat up from her daughter holding out her shaking palms, jerking them apart, watching the comrades fly into the walls with such force that they lay unconscious upon landing.

She looked back to her dying daughter. Desperate. When she had an idea. “Ok… ok. It’s all going to be alright. It’s all going to be ok.” She said, crawling over Rindy placing her hands on the ground hard, conjuring all of her strength. “It’s going to be ok.” She reassured before she felt the fire consume her once more. She began to bleed as she forced the ground to shake with her.

She pried her eyes open to watch her daughter begin to take deeper breaths as she forced the ground to shake at the opposite frequency Rindy did. The quakes began to slow, and so did Rindy’s shaking as her mother cried out in pain.

It wasn’t much longer before the building came to a standstill and the brunette collapsed beside her daughter, drained. They panted on the floor, their bodies descending into shock until Therese felt a smaller hand reach out for hers, and lace them.

She gave it a small squeeze. As her muscles twitched upon hearing more guards approaching so she summoned the last of her strength to fling the doors back onto their hinges, pressurizing them until they were moulded into the gap, tuning into the electrical power before clicking her fingers, cutting the crackling electricity for the entire floor.

And then she passed out. Drained. Her daughter’s hand going limp in hers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace. - Jimi Hendrix


	33. No More

**Day 479**

_They have Rindy and I… dancing like monkeys… I have never felt fear as much as I did that day. I don’t think you have ever felt fear until you’ve had the one thing that was keeping you alive begin to die in your arms. Until the something you would die for was dying in your arms._

_Recovering from that day took longer for Rindy than it did for me. I wanted to keep this new found power a secret, pass it off as brute strength… but I would show the world if it meant keeping Rindy alive. She spends most of her days now recuperating. But she is strong. Very strong. Stronger than me at her age. The first time I had made the ground shake, it nearly tore me in two._

_Rindy nearly doubled my time. Fuck I was so scared… ~~I was~~ I nearly lost her. I don’t think I could survive losing her and Carol… I barely survived the first time. I wouldn’t a second. It’s always been my biggest weakness. Attachment. But, I would no longer want to live without it. _

_I have my walk with Lance today. I don’t even know what I am going to say. I’m sure he will tell me that mine and Rindy’s time is up. That we will have a few short hours before they cut into our brains and dissect us like lab rats. Strike when we are weakest._

_I don’t know who to trust anymore. I guess I had some trust in Lance. But now… All he does is stand by and listen to our torture never participating, never acting. Just watching. It’s nearly as bad as inflicting it. Because it shows he doesn’t care._

There was a knock on the door before Lancelot’s head pooped round. Therese brought a finger to her lips as she turned to her sleeping daughter with whom she shared a bed with. Lance understood. Therese kissed Rindy’s buzzed head lightly before slipping out, leaving a note on the side just in case she woke up.

They only began to speak when the door was closed. “Lance.” She said coldly.

“Therese… How are you doing?” He said beginning their walk.

“How am I fucking doing? Your Panel showed my daughter a video of soldiers killing me so her powers would break out just like mine did. How do you think I’m doing? You’re lucky I haven’t killed every single one of you.”

He didn’t stop walking. “Therese. I’m sorry-“

“Are you?! ARE YOU REALLY?! Because I’m not quite sure what I believe right now. I don’t see you taking any action of any form. All I see is you apologising for shit. Shit that’s illegal. Inhumane.”

“Trust me when I say that it pains me-“

“TRUST YOU?! WHY SHOULD I?! Because you’ve helped Rindy and I out sooo much over the past year! Well where were you when she was dying in my fucking arms. Were you just watching from your high tower like the rest of them, patting yourselves on the back?!”

“No! I wasn’t!” He finally stopped, grabbing Therese’s arm, and she went to pull away but she realised that he was squeezing it rhythmically. It was the only way to communicate in this place without being heard. _Cupboard. Angrily._ She made out in Morse code.

Therese didn’t know whether or not to trust him, but what harm could he do now? “YES YOU WERE! I was alone! WE were alone. You want to know what it feels like to be alone in a dangerous place?!” She grabbed the cleaning closet door handle before shoving him in closing it behind them. “What the fuck is this Sam?” She whispered.

“This is the only cupboard with no cameras or audio recorders. I’m getting you and Rindy out of here.” He said hurriedly.

Therese thought she was dreaming, blinking sporadically at his unwavering face. “What?”

“In 3 days.”

For someone whose brain processed at unimaginable speed she was taking this in ridiculously slowly. “Why?”

“Why? Because I love my wife and kid. And I would rather die than see them go through the things you and Rindy have. It plagues me every night. I have stood by the side lines for too long. Most of the Panel. It’s corrupt. I’ve been studying it or years. Arthur is insane. Some of us have been talking and we are through with this shit. We need to start planning for when the world falls in love.”

“A mutiny?”

“Yes. In 3 days. At 2100. You and Rindy will break from your cell. With your new powers all the guards will be directed to your dorm. You’re going to have to fight your way to the elevator. Level 95. Find the conference room. We will act out in surprise, and then take over. Do you understand?”

She breathed heavily pacing in the small space as the information was off loaded onto her. “What about Rindy and I?”

“You can leave this place. Leave the Centre and never come back.”

Her heart skipped a beat but her experience kept her sharp. “Don’t mess with me Sam. Why do this now when you’ve had months?”

“Therese. I understand how it is, to be in love. Heck, I have been since the day I laid eyes on my wife. My son has been emitted into the Emmanuel program. I don’t want him to inherit a world of chaos and insanity. And… and they are thinking of bringing Carol in at the end of the week. Breaking the conditions, torturing her, filming it. Making her remember then wiping her brain again.” He saw the brunette’s face drain. “But we will make this right again.”

Therese instantly skipped to the dilemma in all of this. “But Carol, I can’t even think of breaking out when Carol is still out there-”

“I’ll handle Carol. She won’t be hurt in the process of all of this. It will be tight, but doable. You should get out of this alive.”

“Promise me. Promise me or I swear to ‘All’ I will kill you.” She said, her voice trembling.

“I promise. I swear on my family’s life.” Therese nodded, taking in the information. She wasn’t sure if she could trust Sam, but what could go wrong, she was more powerful than ever.  “I’m going to hit you now. And it’s going to hurt.”

“Ok…” Therese grabbed his shirt before punching him, throwing him out of the cupboard. “NEXT TIME YOU WANT A FUCKING WALK BRING A GUN BECAUSE I WILL KILL YOU.” She stormed off running back to her dorm, climbing into the bed with ease she pulled her daughter closer, rolling the tired girl over, careful not to touch her IV. “Rindy, baby.” She said as the little girl began to wake up, her green eyes fluttering open. “We’re going to get out of here.”

///

_~~I don’t know what to write.~~ ~~Today I had porridge for breakfast~~ I’m useless… My life’s a mess. I have a court who is the best I could ask for who I have no attraction to whatsoever. A dying social life. A depressing aura. An ex-mate who is quickly becoming the only person I can talk to without sounding crazy, and a job that keeps me so on edge and stressed all the fucking time I don’t ~~knwo no~~ _

“FUCK!” Carol shouted at her paper, storming to the kitchen, lighting the piece of paper on fire before dropping it into the sink, watching it burn. She sighed, feeling useless. And then the fire alarm went off.

///

“Carol?” Gen said opening the door, hearing grunting coming from the kitchen. She put Daisy down in the living room with the box of toys Carol had invested in a while ago before turning the corner.

“Fucking piece of shit!” She yelled at the fire alarm which was currently being beaten underneath the baseball bat she was smacking it with. “I’ll set whatever the fuck I want on fire!”

“Carol?!” Gen repeated looking a bit worried as the blonde straightened up, brushing back her shoulder length blonde hair which was clinging to her forehead with sweat.

She was trying to regain her breath. “Hey… Gen!”

“Letting out a little frustration?” Gen asked taking the baseball bat from her tentatively.

“Just a little. What’s up?” She asked as he kicked the alarm out of sight.

“It’s girl’s day? Abby’s out at a work retreat? We are going to spend time together?”

Carol’s hand flung to her forehead. “Oh shit yes! Where’s Daisy?”

“In the living room. I didn’t want her to see you beasting out. You alright? What did the fire alarm ever do to you?” Gen asked as she opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of wine.

“Well, it just wouldn’t shut up!” Carol sighed looking to her fire alarm which was now in pieces.

“What where you burning, the sink is black!” Gen said, trying to figure out the remnants of whatever met its untimely demise in the sink.

“Oh you know… paper that I couldn’t be arsed to throw in the bin because I can’t write anything without sounding like a whiney asshole!” She said accepting the glass of wine gratefully, downing it before pouring another.

“Figuring out how to break it off with Mae?” Gen asked sliding the bottle away from the blonde. Carol looked at her in surprise. “I’m not an idiot Carol. I know you aren’t happy with her.”

“No, no I am.”

“No you aren’t otherwise you’d be inviting her to our girl time. Applying for a kid. Blowing me off for her instead of the other way around. Yet here I am, stood in this kitchen while you burn shit, out of stress.”

“She’s been nothing but nice to me Genevieve. Nothing but supportive and happy. She dragged me out of that hole of depression that I seem to slip into on a whim sometimes. What am I meant to say without making her feel used? She obviously wants more than what I’m giving. What am I meant to do?”

“You tell her the truth. You say, I’m so thankful for you doing all that you have for me over the past few months but I don’t see us going anywhere. I think this relationship has run its course and I can’t take you any further and I think you deserve someone who can.”

“Wow… That’s surprisingly good. But it doesn’t make up for the fact that I’m doing a shitty thing.”

“Break ups are always shitty. Remember yours and Harge’s?”

“That wasn’t shitty, it was coming for a while. It was just incredibly messy.” Carol said reminiscing.

“And look at you two now! You’re fine!”

“Yeah… well… I was in a car accident before we made up. I can’t do that with Mae.”

“The point is, if you and Harge managed to work things out. You and Mae could.” The gurgles of Daisy interrupted them so Carol went over to the baby girl and picked her up, cooing. “Could you look after her for the night? I don’t mean to impose but I would die for a night with Abby. It’s… been a while.”

Carol’s brows furrowed at Gen’s hesitation. “Are you guys ok?”

“Yeah, just lost touch a little. What with our new positions and Abby being so tired from work all the time its left little room for sex. And you know how important sex is to the SEEC, it’s healthy for endorphins, a stress reliever.”

“Of course I’ll take her. You know before the accident, I would have done anything for child. But now… I can’t imagine one person I would have one with.” She said, brushing Daisy’s hair with her fingers.

Gen watched sadly, as she remembered back to happier times, when Therese and Carol were inseparable, so she decided to take a shot.  “You know…” She started hesitantly. “There was someone who caught your eye. Abby and I had a party. There was someone you thought was… beautiful. You liked the look of her a lot.”

Carol’s eyebrows shot up. She hadn’t been interested in anyone… ever really. “I did? Well what happened?”

“She moved away.” Carol pried more information out of her with her eyes. “She was short, beautiful…. Different.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know. There was something about her. I liked her too. We got on well. But she was moved across country a couple days after the party. I don’t think I’d ever seen you happier, Carol. You had great chemistry.”

“Isn’t it odd how I can’t remember anything…? Anything at all. Just a chunk of my life is missing. I can’t get over it, it’s holding me back in everything I do, and I don’t know why. The not knowing is killing me so slowly I can barely feel it, like a frog floating in water in a saucepan. The heat inching up so gradually that I don’t know that I’m boiling alive.”

“Well, there’s an image that won’t leave me for a while. C’mon let’s go sit out in the garden. It’s a nice day – Hey! Have you felt those quakes recently?” Gen said whipping around, remembering what was on her front page news this morning.

“Yes, I was near the epicentre for the first and felt a tremor the other day. It was frightening, the building was shaking with such force, and I thought it might collapse. I was at my therapists. He grabbed me immediately and pulled me under a table.  ”

“Wow.”

“Yeah I know. Thank goodness he did, because for some reason I think I would have just stood there and watched it all.” She paused for a moment, before snapping out of it. “Anyway! The garden!”

///

 

**Day 481**

“You ready?” Therese asked Rindy, pulling on the big black jumper that Rindy had adored the moment she had stolen it from Therese. It was nearly 9pm.

The little girl put on her trainers. “Yes Mama.”

“And are you sure you’re strong enough?” Therese thought that she would never stop worrying about her little girl but that was a mother’s job.

“Yes, Mama. Don’t worry. I’m ok.” She said sitting on the edge of the bed.

“And remember no matter what happens to me you are not to let yourself get in that state again. If everything goes well tonight, we will be out in the open world, and things like that won’t be tolerated. Around people we will take damper serum. We will live far out in the country.” Therese scrubbed the girl’s head lovingly. Placing a lasting kiss on her forehead.

“With the horses? With Hugo?” Rindy asked, excited. She had never been in the outside world before.

“Yes with Hugo, and Dannie and Phil. I’m not sure how I’m going to tell them that I’m not dead yet but… I will.” She said squeezing her daughter’s arms.

“And what about Carol?” Therese froze.

“C-Carol?” She asked. Therese hadn’t gotten this far in her plan. Even with her abilities and strength, one mention of Carol and she felt like a speck of dust in the abyss of space.

“Yes are we going to live with Carol?” Rindy asked looking up at her mother that could only see herself looking back. Looking at Rindy was like holding up a mirror, sometimes it made Therese feel safer, and other times it made her truly look at herself.

“I…” She stuttered. “I don’t know sweet heart.” It was the truth, when it came to Carol she felt as if she knew nothing.

“You love her don’t you?” Rindy frowned.

“With all of my heart. I will never stop loving her.” She said truthfully. She had never doubted her love for Carol, no matter how long it had been.

“Then won’t we find her?”

Therese sighed. “R-Rindy…” She began, kneeling, thinking of ways to explain. “It’s because I love her that I won’t.”

“I don’t understand. We will be free. You can be in love again. We can all be happy. Don’t you think she’d love me too?” The little girl glowed so much it made her heart hurt.

“Of course she would! She would love the socks off of you! But Carol… She is with someone else now. She has a life… S-She doesn’t know who I am. So, who am I to get in the way of her life, to tear it all apart?” She had no right to play ‘All’. Arthur had played down that path before and all he left in his wake was destruction and pain. “I’ll think about this later, but it is 9 o’clock, so how about you go hack that door for me? Huh? Think you can do that?” She said trying to distract her daughter onto another topic.

Rindy smiled the smile that made Therese’s life worth living before scuttling off to the door as Therese packed their few belongings into a small backpack. She packed a few items for Rindy and herself, her journal of messy sheets of writing, some water and food, just essential when she looked into the corner of the room, at her frame. She picked it up, swiping over a couple of the photos. It felt like a lifetime ago. Therese was different now, more grown up. She had enough experiences with pain for multiple lifetimes. Would Carol even want her like this? Broken. Dysfunctional. Shaped by experience.

She didn’t know. She was scared to find out. But she packed the frame anyway, zipping up the bag, slinging it onto her back just as the door swung open. “Ta da!” Rindy said gesturing to the now open door.

Therese narrowed her eyes as the blaring claxon in the corner of the room didn’t sound. “How did you cut the alarm?”

“I’ve been practicing.” Rindy said smugly. Therese jogged out, but only got a few steps away before she realised Rindy wasn’t following, she turned back to see the girl staring blankly into their room. “Is it weird that I’m going to miss this room?” Therese walked back to her daughter, wrapping her in a hug from behind to stare into the empty room also. “It was the only place I felt safe… I spent so long in a box by myself. And I thought it was normal, but the night I met you I… I was truly safe then. I might miss it.”

“You won’t miss it for long baby. I promise.” They stood a few seconds longer, as Therese remembered what her daughter was like the first time she met her. She didn’t even think she was human, covered in all that blood. But over time she realised that Rindy was the most human thing in that entire building. Just a little rough round the edges. “Ok, baby girl, we have to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glimmers of hope guys, 5c x


	34. Free

They ran in the direction of the elevator, the lack of alarm giving them more time.

But it wasn’t long until they ran into guards and it sounded anyway. Therese had given Rindy instructions. _‘Top priority is to get out of here so do anything necessary to get to that elevator. Try not to kill, only mame. These people have lives and are just doing their jobs. Kill as a last resort and whatever happens do not give in to the pain alright? I don’t know if we could survive losing control again.’_

They took down the guards swiftly, Therese ripping the guns from their hands as Rindy swiped their legs and knocked them out where they lay. They continued to stick to this tactic, their arsenal slowly building. How Therese would also explain to their friends how she had a daughter, and they were both killing machines, would have to wait alongside the fact that she was not dead.

They made it to the elevator and pressed 95, but there was a need for a key. Unsurprisingly the building had become a lot less technological thanks to Rindy’s and Therese’s hacking skills so they had switched back to the dark days methods. But now even this form of security was futile. Rindy nearly broke the button out of frustration but Therese knelt by the keyhole. She concentrated on the mechanism inside, her hand hovering outside of it until her fingers twitched and the lock turned allowing the elevator to rise. She stood, feeling a little light headed. Using power like that was draining, as it shouldn’t be humanly possible. But she was getting better at it.

“Mama, you’re bleeding. Are you alright?” Therese raised her hands to her nose and ears and wiped away the small red pathways, branching down her face.

“I’m fine. But this is just a reminder of why we don’t use this power. We do not play ‘All’. We use our physical ability from here on out unless I say so, understand?” Her daughter nodded just as the lift doors opened to an empty dark floor.

They walked out hesitantly, looking about. “So this is the demon’s lair.” Rindy whispered as they made their way down dark glass maze, until they saw a large conference room through the many panes of glass. There was a large round table, with Arthur stood at the head of it, small light illuminating each member of the Panel. “The 12 Knights.”

Everyone had heard the story, of the 12 mysterious knights that protected the country. Faceless. Impeccably smart, and above all, dedicated to law. _Well that’s all bullshit_ \- Therese thought as they crept through the maze of corridors, trying to stick to the shadow.

They sat just one pane of glass away from the conference room, in the shadows, waiting for the message of their escape to reach the Panel sat reading through their agenda. “Ok… are you sure you’re ready?” Therese asked one last time.

“I love you, Mama.”

“I love you too Rindy. Just imagine it. Outside. You’re going to love it. I promise. We’re going to have a life away from this place. No more bullets. No more pain. No more torture. We’re going to tear this Panel to the ground. Just do as I say for tonight and you will be just fine.”

The little girl nodded snuggling into Therese’s side, pulling her feet up so she could rest her head on her knees. Suddenly the alarm blared and the Panel rose to its feet looking around frantically. They brought up all the cameras on screen seeing nothing and no one apart from unconscious guards.

“Fuck! They’re out! Why has there been such a delay on the alarm?! Where the fuck are the squadrons, get in touch with the surveillance on Carol immediately, Lancelot!” Arthur ordered. Lancelot agreed, tapping away at his screen. It was now or never.

Therese and Rindy silently stood. Nodding to one another they smashed through the glass, all four walls of the conference room shattering around the Panel. They raised their guns. “Arthur.” The brunette said, her finger twitching on the trigger of her hand gun as her sight was locked on him.

“645A. 71N4Y. I knew this day would come.” He said, his hand trying to snake its way under his table to an emergency button, but Therese punched through the table where it hid, destroying it in the process. “Honestly I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner.” He sneered, looking to his pet projects.

“Yeah, well. I was merciful. But you hurt my daughter.” She said, watching his eyes flutter to Rindy who stood with her own guns pointing to various members of the Panel. “You pushed too far.”

“Lancelot bring up surveillance of Carol.” Lance swiped the live video onto the screen and Therese tried not to let her nerves show. The blonde was laying in bed, looking angelic as ever, and the stinging in Therese’s heart made tears well up in her eyes.

Just then a man dressed in black slid into view, a gun in his hand, pointed at Carol’s head. “Are you sure you want to be pointing that gun at me 645A?” Arthur said with a smirk. “You never learn. I may only have one string on you but that string is the strongest material in the world - Even you can’t break it - You see what your love does to you? How it binds you in your own mental cage? I will have you for the rest of your days and the quicker you accept that the faster time will fly-”

“MY NAME IS THERESE!” She shouted, wiping away the tears with the back of her hand keeping one gun trained on him at all times. Her lips trembled as she looked upon her creator, who was toying with her, and she snapped, running to him in lightning speed pressing the barrel to his head.

“Lancelot? Galahad? You want to intervene at any point?” Arthur said with his smug smile.

“Therese. Our walks have been going so well. Please… give me the gun.” The weapon trembled in her hands as she breathed heavily. It would be so easy to pull the trigger watch his brains splatter all over the floor, or to beat his body to death, make him feel every ounce of pain he had put her through. She could make his body implode from the inside.

“You are one sick son of a bitch do you know that? Rindy and I are people. People with feelings, more feelings than you… And to think you are doing all of this, not even to save your people from love but out of sick obsession…”

“Therese!” Lancelot commanded. “Stand down.” She gritted her teeth shaking as the trigger would be so easy to pull, but she relaxed, throwing the gun to Lance, who disassembled it easily and laid it all out on the table. She knew she didn’t need it to kill Arthur, but she knew Lance must have a plan. And Carol’s life was still on the line, the image of her innocently sleeping as a silent killer stood above her was literally always in her mind’s eye as it played live on the screen in front of her. “Thank you…” Lancelot said.

Therese pulled another hand gun from her belt just in case and went to stand over by Rindy. “Therese Belivet…” Arthur finally said. She had always wanted him to use her name, but upon hearing it she just felt more owned. “I always wondered why they named you Therese. Your father. Benes, he came rushing out of the delivery room, begging me to let him take you home. To put you into the system with Tommy… But then I’d be disobeying the SEEC. Equality. Such an important word.”

“Equality? Are you fucking kidding me? Do we not have an equal right to a life of freedom like everybody else in this fucking country.”

“No one in this country is free. We are all in the system. Everyone is placed by me and you should be thankful that you get to be this close to me. You know you would make a perfect SEEC Therese. If only you complied.”

Therese opened her mouth to yell to the high heavens once more, every single syllable that flew from his mouth got under her skin but Lance beat her to the pip.

“Like you give two shits about the SEEC Arthur.” Lancelot intervened. “There is little equality out there. You have replaced homophobia and racism with factions. You would know but you are adamant on staying in this high tower of ours. You torture innocent humans… They never asked for this life. Rindy and Therese. They never asked for any of this. They were forced. By you. But you do not have power over the people’s will.” Lancelot said as he reassembled the assault rifle.

“Lancelot?” Arthur snarled. “I have had it up to here with you-”

“I’m glad. Because I’m done with you.” Sam said taking off the safety, reloading the gun. “We will rebuild the Panel. And we will rebuild today. Your time is over. It is time for a new generation with new ideas. People who still have their humanity, who have lived in the world today.”

Arthur heard the force behind Lance’s words and the clicks of the gun assembling. “Lancelot, what the hell do you think you are doing?!”

The suited rebel tapped away at his tablet before tapping his earpiece. “Stand down and head back to base.” The man with a gun to Carol’s sleeping face nodded before withdrawing from the room. Therese felt like she could release the breath she had been holding for the past 481 days, and the weight released off of her shoulders made her feel a little sick after getting used to it being there. Carol was free, and now was she. “I am saving the human race. It’s my job. I’m saving it from you. I love my wife and son.”

Arthur huffed. Looking up at the ceiling, seeming to understand where this rebellion was coming from. “You’re infected.” He said unbelievingly but also annoyed, as he refused to let love be his demise. “Of course you’re infected. I should have known-”

It was Therese’s turn to cut in. “No _you_ are infected. You have been infecting everyone in this goddamn country. You _all_ have for too long, poisoning their minds with this _bullshit_ , alienating those born from it. When we ridded ourselves of love in the dark days it was a necessity. To rebuild the world after such dismay. It wasn’t meant to last this long.”

“You know nothing of this country. You don’t know what it needs!”

Lancelot swiped some statistics onto the holographic table. “Actually we are under populated. Another problem that you have been handing off to the rest of the Panel for your little pet project. Fertility is decreasing-“

“Love is our cure…” Therese said, silencing their arguing. But now everything was clear to her. “You couldn’t find a new one because it has been staring us in the face for so long, battling the poison we are injected with at birth. And yes, love hurts. But… ‘All’ above. You need to feel pain to truly experience love and true happiness. Maybe all of this time we have been poisoning ourselves. Dowsing our problems with the ‘Cure’ like an alcoholic does booze because we can’t face them. But we are beginning to fight back against the addiction as our biology can see how it is destroying us. Maybe this is ‘All’ himself trying to give you a sign. I wasn’t biologically able to love yet I found it. It wasn’t possible to have these powers, even with the Emmanuel project, but I do. Maybe you are just stuck in the ways of old that you can’t witness evolution happening right in front of your eyes.”

“Do you seriously agree with her Lancelot?” He said narrowing his eyes, unable to believe his ears. He was in a perpetual state of denial.

“I do. And so does Mordred, Galahad, Lucan, Bedivere and Hector.” The Knights stood, pulling out hand guns from their belts pointing it at their co-workers’ heads. “Only these men have come to me in the past couple of months, scared of your tyrannical rule, begging me for change. We will rebuild what you have destroyed. The time for the unfeeling is over and a new age will be born tonight. A new Panel will rise. One to prepare the world for love… And as a first step… I declare war.”

Therese’s eyes widened. It wasn’t what she was expecting but then again, neither was the chorus of gunshots passing through every member of the Panel’s heads that hadn’t rebelled, leaving Arthur as the only one standing. Therese stood shocked, looking at Lancelot, whose face hadn’t even flinched.

“Have you any last words for Arthur, Therese?” He said his eyes never diverting from his leader as he raised his gun to be level with the shark eyes Therese had come to hate.

Did she have any last words? She looked around the conference room, as did Rindy, looking upon all the death. She didn’t want it to be like this. She didn’t want a revolution of love to begin with so much death. She hadn’t asked for a war. She only asked to be set free and to live her life with Rindy.  “Don’t kill Arthur.”

Lancelot’s head snapped around, as did everyone else’s left alive in the room, including Rindy’s. “What?!”

“No wars. No more death. I didn’t ask for any of this Sam.”

“Didn’t ask for any of this?! Tell me you’re joking.” He grabbed the gun in Therese’s hand, taking off the safety and positioning it to point at her creator. “He made you into this monster. Into this animal that you despised. He kept your daughter away from you for years, tortured the both of you. He has kept Carol as a bargaining chip, using your love against you for 481 days! He has denied us the freedom to love for so long! He deserves to die! We deserve to wage war on those who don’t comply, otherwise we will be KEPT IN THE SHADOWS OUR ENTIRE LIVES!”

“NO!” She shouted taking apart the gun letting all the bullets out from the clip before raising her hand, using her powers to disable the others as well. Lancelot stood with his mouth agape. He went to speak again but this time Therese wanted to be heard. “There will be no war. Everyone was administered the Cure at birth, the lack of love is your fault too Lancelot, and don’t you ever forget that.” She said, her hands shaking as she wiped her bloody nose.

Lance bowed his head in shame before looking to her to show he was listening. “I know.”

“They are all innocent. Every single one of them. They have been brainwashed for centuries! The Cure will no longer be administered. The one child rule lifted… People are feeling pressured into having children, it’s what they base their entire lives on! You should expect opposition but the fact of the matter is you have this country in the palm of your hand. Use that power and make it right. You will strive to make an equal land of hope and prosperity, where people live peacefully and most of all freely. We are not animals… We are more than that.”

Her speech came to an end and it was like she had re-entered her body as she looked around the room to the people who looked up to her. She began to take in the words she had let fly when she heard a slow resounding clap batter against her ear drums. “I thought I built you to be smarter than that.”

“No, only to be smarter than you…” Therese said, smiling to him genuinely, which only seemed to instil fear in him. Of course he couldn’t let it show, but Therese’s could hear his heartbeat fluctuate just ever so slightly.

“And what do you suggest we do with him?” Lance asked, his fingers twitching as he looked at his former superior. “He deserves to die…”

“You’re right.” She said simply. “Which is why we can’t give him it. Death would be too easy. Instead I want every single rendition of the Cure tested on him. All of them.” She decided watching Arthur’s eyes widen at the thought of being Therese’s lab rat.

“There are millions.” Arthur stated through gritted teeth, from the biological material they had been collecting day in and day out there were countless batches of the Cure.

“All of them. Every single batch I want it tested on him. Until he feels nothing, but I want him aware of his nothingness. Then I want him thrusted into a world where everyone feels everything. I want him barren, with no quota, a menial job, with no rest days, factionless, belonging to no one and surpassed by all. I will create hell on earth for you Arthur, maybe in some sick way it shows I care, or maybe... it shows how much I despise every inch of your rotten soul.” The cold eyes twitched, but their frost was met with the sub-zero black eyes of Therese.

Lance could see Therese was serious in her punishment. “The decree is final.”

The white haired man’s head snapped up. “Are you seriously going to take orders from her, she isn’t even human.”

“Neither are you Arthur. You’re a monster.” Therese snarled.

“Y-You can’t do this.” It was the first time Therese had ever heard him stutter. “I am the Head of this Panel.”

“Not anymore. I hereby take the role of Arthur. Keres. You are stripped of your title. GUARDS!” He yelled, alerting the soldiers that were only just managing to get to their floor. “Take this man to medi bay 7. Have him injected with the first rendition of the Cure. Have him locked away. He is now a prisoner of this country. He will spend his days decaying in this building until I see fit. I am now Arthur. Galahad, you are promoted to the place of Lancelot. And Mordred? To the place to Galahad. We will scour replacements tonight from the next generation selecting those whom I find more susceptible to love, and by dawn we shall crown the new Panel… Take him away.”

The guards looked a little confused on whose authority to follow, so they checked their visors, the displays telling them that Lancelot was the new Arthur and that Keres was an intruder. They arrested him immediately.

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS! Samuel! Please! You can’t listen to this mutt! We were on the edge of a revolution.” He said struggling as he was placed in magnetic bonds.

“You are on the edge of insanity and this _is_ the revolution.” He said coolly.

The tyrant was desperate now as he was being dragged away. “I’m ARTHUR! HEAD OF THIS PANEL AND COUNTRY!”

“You are below nothing.”

“Rindy!” He said shaking off the guards kneeling in front of the little girl. “Rindy please? I brought you up. I raised you. Do you have no remorse?” He said, pleading, a crocodile tear rolling down his cheek. It looked so out of place. A man as evil as him shouldn’t have the capacity to cry.

“You hurt me when I said no.” Rindy said, not even looking at him until he squirmed into her view.

“NO… no… the guards did.” He said, his last ploy being the emotional manipulation of a child.

“Only under your orders.” Rindy tightened her grip on Therese’s arm. “You kept me away from Mama for years.”

The tears suddenly stopped rolling as his slim chance became non-existent. “Rindy, please-”

“I would kill you myself...” Rindy said and her cold words actually took Therese by surprise. She was scared that the girl would lunge out and rip out their torturer’s neck. She was scared of the emotional scarring she would take away from this place. She was scared that Rindy would carry around Arthur’s death like weight. “But Mommy’s right, death is too quick. You hurt me so much. You will never be able to give me back those years.” He tried to call her name again but she pressed her tiny bruised hand to his lips, pulling his terrified face towards her own so slowly that she could study every aspect of fear flicker amongst his features, and that his voice in her head could be silenced. “Goodbye Arthur.”

And with that he was dragged back onto his feet, away from his beloved high tower. “No! No! Get off of me! NO! LANCELOT! GALAHAD! HELP!” He was met with cold reserve from everyone in that room as he was hauled into the elevator, making one last break for it as the doors began to slide shut. “NO!”

There was a collective sigh in the conference room, which was drenched in the blood of the men and women who used to rule the country. “So is that it? We can leave?” Therese asked, scared that Sam would tilt on his axel and lock her back up in a cage. But he just smiled.

“You can leave. And you can also have whatever you want. We will have Rindy put in the system. Your quotas will be unlimited. You can work in any sector you want. Have as many rest days as you please. The same goes for Carol. I know it is nothing compared to the pain and torture you have both lived through. But it is the best I can give you.” Therese dropped to her knees hugging Rindy tightly as the tears fell from her eyes. “Surveillance will be dropped from Carol immediately, I’ll have damper serum delivered to you whenever you see fit, and the only conditions of your freedom is that you don’t hurt the citizens of this country, and keep your powers hidden amongst the public. I only do this because it could end worse for the both of you than it would for us.”

“Of course.” Therese agreed immediately, looking up to Sam. He held out a handful of damper serum injections to her and she took them gladly.

“There will be a lot of changes soon. They will start gradually, and then snowball. You three, were the beginning of that snowball. And you Therese, you were the beginning of a future of peace and love… as I listened I realised you were right. Declaring war in an act of love would only create more opposition. We need to enforce love with love. I’ll remember that.”

“Thank you… for everything.” She cried. She was finally free. She didn’t have to spend one more miserable day in that godforsaken place, and as much as she was itching to get out, she couldn’t seem to make her limbs move as she clutched one of the most important things to her in relief.

“No problem. You can walk from this building.” He tapped his earpiece. “Arthur to all guards. 645A and 71N4Y are not to be touched they have the clearance that the Panel do. Over and out.” The communication ended. “You’re free.” He said, watching the tears flow from the mother and daughter at the indescribable feeling. The brunette stood watching him as he passed them new ID’s and watches. “Go Therese.” He whispered, but was taken back a little as he looked down to see Rindy wrapped around his waist hugging him tightly. He was even more surprised to have Therese follow her daughter’s actions to pull him into a tight embrace.

He let his professional persona drop for a moment, hugging them both like his life depended on it, happy that this was all over, that this part of his life he could move on from, before the next overly messy part awaited him.

They let go reluctantly, as the silence of the building began to tower over them. “C’mon Mama. Let’s go.” Rindy said, lacing her fingers with her mother’s.

“Thank you.” Therese said once more before jogging for the elevator, not wanting to spend one more minute in their living hell.

They ran into the elevator as Sam watched. Waving as they pressed the button to go down, and letting the tears fall once they were fully closed. He stood with his back to his colleagues, wiping his eyes before turning to their bewildered looks that were quickly steeling. “Ok. Ladies. Gentlemen. Let’s rebuild… everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery. - Thomas Jefferson
> 
> See you down below ;)


	35. Day 492

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i couldn't answer all comments. I'm super busy at the moment, but will try and reply whenever i get a break! ;)
> 
> And... i'm not sure if i have to put a suicide warning. I'm going to do so just in case. But that wasn't the aim. it's all very confusing. But if you aren't comfortable please don't read. Like i say, there isn't... i don't know how to explain i'm literally on my way out the door but, there are brief mentions... but this is just a warning for those - Ok i'm rambling. but this is just a precaution.

**Day 482**

_I didn’t know it yesterday, when I was writing, but day 481 ~~was one of the~~ was the longest day of my life. After getting to the ground floor, we walked out with no resistance. The air felt fresh, clean, even though we were in the city. But living in a glass box for 481 days would make smoke feel cleaner than the air in there. We stood outside for a while so I could let Rindy adjust. She stood in awe, clinging to me so hard it was bruising, flinching at the few that walked by at that time of night. She was scared of everything, gazing up at the skyscrapers that towered over her._

_When I could tell it was all getting too much, her senses escalating into overdrive, I scooped her up and ran to the train station. We sat on the train in silence only speaking to tell her where we were, where we were going, what it was that we were travelling on. Her silence throughout most of our movements scared me but I know now it was her just taking in everything. We got off at Agriculture Section 5 sub 3._

_I was dreading the walk back, remembering how tiresome the walk was when I remembered that I still had my abilities outside of that floor we lived on for over a year. We ran back and as I looked over I saw Rindy holding her arms out as she ran. That was freedom. It’s crazy how such small things like a dirt path and an open field become such massive experiences. When we reached the house I decided not to go in. I would deal with Phil, Jen and Dannie when I had the emotional energy and Rindy had adjusted a bit more. Everything was new to her._

_I jumped through the air and onto the galvanised aluminium walking over to the hatch, probably spending a little too much time looking over the place Carol and I used to lay and retrieved my dusty motorbike from inside. I siphoned some oil from a harvester and filled the tank._

_I placed Rindy in front of me on the bike, starting the bike for the first time in years. And then we sped off, at first Rindy was terrified, she thought it was a ‘metal animal’ but after a while she stretched her arm out just like Carol had done, to let it swim through the air, giggling as it tickled. I thought it was important to show her how we don’t always need to use our powers, even if it is more efficient._

_When we finally reached the Lake cabin, we were exhausted. Rindy was in awe over the lake, she had never seen anything so beautiful, the dark valley. She whipped off her shoes immediately, letting her feet feel the pebbles, sighing at the odd sensation. I watched her like a hawk, not only on edge because of the fact this was her first time outside but because the last time I was there Carol and I had swam in the lake, made love in the cabin, fought on the beach… ~~We had said I lo…~~ _

_Rindy finally walked over, ecstatic, and asked me why I was so sad. She quickly connected the dots as there had been a photo of Carol and I on this beach so she tugged me inside the cabin and said she was tired, I knew it was a lie even though she had kept her heart rate at a steady beat but she was protecting me. Everything was how I had left it, apart from the rotting flowers left around a fading image of me on the porch. It made my heart ache to think of my friends so I walked past it, letting us in. The bed was unmade like I had left it. The same dusty logs in the chimnea._

_I tried to hold it all together but I couldn’t help but cry. Rindy dragged me to bed. The bed Carol and I used to share. She wrapped my trembling body in blankets and then nestled into me. She told me how happy she was. How excited she was. And I couldn’t help but smile. We slept rather restlessly, I’ll admit, but that was expected. Not every night was as smooth as the other. And now I sit on a pebble beach watching Rindy splash away in the water, when under 24 hours ago we were locked in a room hooked up to IV’s._

“Mama! Come play with me! The water’s warm!” Rindy splashed, picking up pebbles skipping them on the water, watching it bounce one hundred or so times.

“That tends to happen in summer, baby.” She said sitting just on the shore letting her feet wash in the water. She placed her pencil and paper behind her.

“How long is summer?” Rindy asked, her thirst for knowledge never satisfied.

“We haven’t got a lot of it left now at all. A week or two? 14 days. But usually its 12 weeks long. Which is 84 days. Because there are 7 days in a week.” Therese said, there were no need for dates inside, just the tally of days.

“You spent 68.71429 _weeks_ in our room?”

Therese chuckled. “Something like that yes… Too long.” She said sombrely but banished the thoughts, not wanting to taint her daughter’s first free day.

“So what day is it for everyone else?” She asked.

“Wow… it must be the… the 16th of August.” She worked out rather quickly. The speed she managed to work it out in surprised herself. And then after that she worked out the date that had been looming upon her inside. “It will be Carol’s birthday in 10 days.”

“How old will Carol be?” Rindy asked picking up more stones.

“27… in how many days are you nine?” Therese asked, the Panel refusing to tell her what the date was when she was in there making time pass even slower.

“137…” Rindy answered distracted by her new pastime. It didn’t take much to entertain her.

Therese worked it out in her head. “You were born on December 31st 3047\. Remember that Rindy.”

“I will.” The little girl agreed, dropping her pebbles before bouncing over to her mother, dropping down in her lap.

“Good.” She said kissing the side of her head softly, looking out to the lake sighing. The next words stuck in her throat a little but she was able to clear it without crying. “We’re home.”

///

Gen was worried. Carol hadn’t been into work that day and had notified no one. She had rang Abby and asked her to check on the blonde. Abby used her spare key to let herself into her apartment. “CAROL?!” She called out concerned receiving no answer. “CAROL!” She called. There was silence. She rushed around the ground floor, checking the kitchen where a pan was burning on the stove, she turned off the heat quickly, and hurrying to the stairs where she nearly stepped on broken glass as there was a wine bottle smashed on the floor. “Carol?!”

She bounded ran up to the first floor not caring where the steps were, bursting through all the doors, until she ran into the locked door of Carol’s ensuite. She banged on the door rapidly, her worry reaching new heights. “CAROL!” She cried, to no avail. She finally had enough kicking down the door after a few hopeless tries. She burst through, finding Carol half naked in the tub, unconscious in her underwear, cold water raining onto her from the shower. “’All’ Above! Carol?” She called out, turning off the spray checking her best friend’s pulse which was thankfully still strong enough to press against her fingers.

She found a bottle of night pills on the side. She checked its contents, and there wasn’t more than one or two gone. Nothing fatal or suicidal, but the dribble of bourbon left in the bottle was concerning since pills and drink did not mix. She pulled her friend onto her side, noticing the deep purple bruises on her thighs and goose bumps covering her slight body. She tried to jolt her awake but the blonde was having none of it. So out of panic she stuck her fingers down the blonde’s throat, feeling her gag after a while then a few more times, before her dull grey eyes flung open and the contents of her stomach spilled violently over Abby’s hand and the wet tub.

The auburn sighed in relief as Carol choked it all up. Coughing and crying so hard she could barely breathe. Abby washed her hand grabbing a warm towel before wrapping it around Carol, hoping she wouldn’t go into shock. She dragged the sobbing blonde that clung onto her with a death grip out of the tub and through to the bedroom, settling her on the bed before grabbing more towels. “Carol I need you to take deep breaths for me. You’re in shock.” It was only then Carol realised how shallow her breathing was, and how oxygen deprived she felt.

She tried to slow it, the only words she was able to say were a shocked “A-a-a-a-abby…”

The nurse pulled her close. “What happened, Carol? You’re scaring the shit out of me! What would have happened if I hadn’t come round?! You could have died!”

“I wasn’t trying to die… I was… I was trying to FEEL _something_.” She sobbed into her friend’s shoulder. “Mae… I-I-I I broke up with Mae.”

“You did?! Why?”

“I wasn’t happy. She said that she wasn’t the problem. And I agreed. She said I was emotionless, broken beyond her repair… Abby am I broken?” Carol cried, reliving how she had drunk herself so stupid that she had dropped her wine bottle and then moved onto a bourbon she had found at the back of the cupboard. The bruises from falling up the stairs and tripping as she tried to undress. The sleeping pills because she wanted for that nightmare to be over, to resign herself to sleep as feeling nothing had become feeling everything and hopefully wake up renewed. Her hand must have hit the shower as she passed out back into the tub. “Fuck, Abby I am broken…”

“Don’t think like that! You can pick up these pieces Carol but please…. Please promise me that you won’t get into this state again. You could have died. Alcohol poisoning or overdosing. That or hypothermia. Fuck Carol I was so scared.” Abby said, pulling Carol closer, rocking her gently as the blonde shivered, dripping wet in her arms. For some reason her mind flickered to the letter Harge had given her. But it flickered back just as quickly as Carol threw up once more all over the floor.

///

They had been back for three days when Therese finally decided it was time to go back to the farm house. They hopped on the bike taking the journey back to the house, and simply knocked on the door. Rindy hid behind her legs, timidly. It was all so new to her, but Therese had explained that this was the house she used to live in. It made her daughter a little more comfortable but not a lot.

To Therese’s surprise, it was Gregory who opened the door. He had grown a good six inches and now towered over her but he still looked terrified. Like he had seen a ghost. _He had in a way_. He suddenly darted off, returning with a box of Weetabix, a note in black permanent marker scrawled along the front that read ‘ _Therese’s Weetabix. Hands off, or die._ ’ Therese accepted it gratefully kneeling to Rindy’s height before handing her the box, taking her daughter’s other hand before entering. She was flooded with memories. Happy ones mostly.

She heard voices in the kitchen and followed them, even though she knew the way off by heart. Rindy hid behind her once more as they turned the corner. Phil and Jen were sat at the table sharing breakfast, like they always did, but this time looking more mature, Phil had a beard growing which was new. “What time do you call this? Aren’t you two meant to be working?” She said, falling back into her old joking manner, but her friends didn’t take it as a joke.

She watched their eyes widen. Phil fell off his chair completely whereas Jen jumped off of hers pulling Therese into her arms. “THERESE!” She yelled holding her closely, only to go flying a few seconds later as Rindy physically growled at her.

“HEY!” Therese said turning to her daughter. “What did I say about hurting people?”

“That we don’t use our power out in the world. I thought she was hurting you, mama.”

“Baby that was Jen… and this is Phil. The boy at the door was Gregory. You remember from the stories?”  Rindy nodded. “Ok. Would you like to meet them?” She nodded again before she looked back to a very shocked and unbelieving couple. “Say hello, sweetheart.”

“Hi I’m Rindy…” She said timidly.

“Andddd.” Therese encouraged.

“And I’m sorry for hurting you. It won’t happen again.”

“Guys. It’s Therese. I’m back…. Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“You’re dead.” “Who is she?” They asked at the same time.

“I didn’t die. It’s a very long story. And this is my daughter… again a very long story.”

“Your daughter?! She’s 7/8 and has the strength of a 40 year old!” “You died in a car accident with Carol!” They said again, overlapping each other.

Therese sat down at the table, pulling Rindy onto her lap, pouring the girl a bowl of cereal, gesturing for her friends to return to their breakfasts. It was lengthy but she managed to explain through it all. At first they didn’t believe it, so Therese moved Jen’s cereal bowl towards her without touching it before moving it back to sit in front of Jen. She then took the milk from Phil’s and made it dance in the air before putting it back in his bowl. Rindy smirked at their dazed faces as she guzzled into her Weetabix. Therese was glad she was eating it because they had burnt through the damper serum she had.

They were talking about their experience on both ends; the torture of the Panel; how Mrs Robichek had disappeared one day, saying she wouldn’t be returning, leaving the house in Phil and Jen’s hands; that was until she heard Dannie call through the door. “If you guys are fucking then I’m going to be really pissed because that no reason for blowing me off with no notice. You guy-” He stopped in his tracks when he reached the kitchen, seeing Therese sat at the kitchen table like old times, and the version of Therese when they first met, sat on her lap. The brunette stood, walking towards him.

“Hi Dannie…”

He stood still for a minute, processing, but as soon as he had he wrapped her up in his arms crying into her shoulder as she did the same in his. “I knew you weren’t dead! I knew it!” He cried, his knees giving out but Therese used her strength to hold him up easily as he broke down in her arms.

///

Today was Carol’s Birthday. She was 27. She felt 127 as she sat at her desk slipping on some glasses. For the past ten days she had been wallowing, and today was no different. Either Gen or Abby stayed with her every night, watching over her, worried sick when she looked so forlorn. They had rid her house of every drop of alcohol present, which was a smart idea. But it was when they took her secret stash of cigarettes that she felt the withdrawal.

She sat behind her desk, bored out of her mind when she felt spontaneous for once, which was a surprise to even herself when she dragged her body from behind it to walk onto the shop floor. She let the employee go for a lunch break. It was a pretty quiet day, the only sound in the store was her stomach rumbling. They would receive most of their shoppers after general work times had finished.

She was looking about, hanging price tags on pieces of furniture, and pondering over how sad her life was when she heard the shop doorbell sound. She didn’t turn around as if a customer needed help they would usually come to her. She carried on about her day shrugging off the occasional shiver up her spine until she heard a rustling. She was finishing up tag checking anyway so decided to see if the shopper needed any assistance. But she was stopped in her tracks.

For some reason she felt the tears well up in her eyes. She wiped away the falling tears confused, for some reason the sight of this slight brunette who perused the store a little nervously made her incredibly sad and elated at the same time. She returned to her station quickly, getting a few tissues to wipe her eyes, chastising herself for being so stupid when she heard the customer speak.

“E-Excuse me? A-Are you alright?” They asked, wiping their own slightly puffy eyes. The green of the stranger’s eyes surrounded by a fading red took her breath away as her own tears began to fall more profusely.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me. It err… must be all the dust in here.” The way the brunette stared at her with such concentration and awe seemed to pass straight through her, she was nervous and felt safe, but mostly confused at this odd sensation of Déjà vu, mixed with intense longing and a sense of drowning all at the same time. “I-Is there something you’re looking for?” She said, her preoccupation over the rush of unknown feelings setting her into factory mode.

“Oh…” The customer said, snapping out of her own reverie. “A child’s bed.” The customer said. Carol directed them to the child’s bed section, taking the 15 or so meters to collect herself. “There are a few beds. More can be shipped in. How old is your child?”

“She’s 8. And a little dependant on me so I’m trying to give her some independence little by little. And you? Do you have children? Or planning to anyway? A woman as beautiful as yourself.”

She looked to the stranger who was blushing as hard as herself, surprised by the compliment. “You’re too kind. But no I haven’t got children, I haven’t even got a court.” Carol scoffed, but for some reason she felt she needed to make that clear, and for other reasons which she knew not, it felt entirely wrong to say she didn’t have one.

“You don’t?” The stranger asked surprised but covered it with a cough. “I’m sorry I just assumed you did. You truly are magnificent.” The way the customer insisted was odd, but also felt right even though the word ‘magnificent’ usually set off a trigger within Carol.

“Thank you. I mean there was but, I … I just didn’t feel right.” The green eyes implored her so she carried on. “I was in a car accident over a year ago and I’m still hung up on it. You must think it is so silly of me because it was so long ago but- wow, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to off load on you. It’s just…” _I don’t know why but I just want to talk to you._ “It gets a little lonely round here.” She said, a little ashamed of herself, but couldn’t bring her eyes to depart from her entrancing sight.

“Someone like you should never be alone.” The brunette said resolutely looking at Carol with longing before excusing herself to use the restroom. The customer came back momentarily, almost exactly the same apart from the small mascara smudges under her eyes and slightly darkened fingertips, but before Carol could restrain herself from approaching the stranger and inappropriately kissing those smudge marks away, the brunette was distracting herself with the beds.

She asked her a few questions, and Carol answered them generally, reminding herself to breathe as the intoxication she had with the shopper took her breath away. She found herself acting as if she never wanted the girl to go but all too soon a bed had been chosen and the process of leaving had begun, building a vacuum within the blonde. “I think I will take this one. Is it ok to pay now and pick it up… let’s say tomorrow.”

Carol got the impression that the girl was pleading but she didn’t find it odd, because she found herself pleading back. “It would be amazing to see you tomorrow – I mean – for you to pick it up tomorrow. I’ll be here. All day. Tomorrow I mean.” She stammered, there was something about the girl that wouldn’t allow her to form a sentence.

“Ok… Sounds perfect…” They stood there gazing at one another, standing so closely yet so far apart just staring at one another, locked in an hopeless gaze. “Shall I pay now?”

“Oh yes!” Carol said snapping out of it, reaching under her desk, trying to think of was to make the stranger stay a little longer. “So… Are you enjoying the last of the summer weather?” Carol asked almost swearing at herself for picking such a boring subject.

“I am. There’s some nice countryside where I live. My daughter loves it. Obsessed with it actually.” Carol could feel the eyes on her skin but didn’t feel the slight shift in the air when the stranger’s hand reached out to touch her and retracted with considerable constraint.

“What a strange girl.” Carol said, the words slipping out naturally. It was the most natural thing she had done since the brunette had walked in.

“Yes… flung out of space it would seem.” Carol’s head snapped up meeting the searching green orbs, they were begging her but she didn’t know why.

Her brow furrowed. “Is that from a book or… I swear I’ve heard it before.” Her inability to remember these days was becoming more and more of a pain, especially when she felt she needed it now more than ever.

“No, it’s a saying my court says... said.” The brunette’s hope fell from her gaze and for some reason the blonde wanted to take the disappointed face in her hands and search the large watering eyes until she found answers. “Anyway…” The woman said, pulling back what looked like tears. “I must get going. Happy Birthday Carol.”

“Excuse me?” The blonde said. Not needing to say anything else, because she was sure her facial expression was asking how she knew her name, and when her birthday was, for her. She hadn’t wished to say ‘Excuse me?’ In actual fact she had wanted to say ‘Say that again. Say my name.’ As the way the stranger said it sent chills throughout her body, but her societal boundaries decided on the former question.

The customer smiled at her apparent confusion. “Well your badge says Carol,” _She said it again._ “And there’s a present on your desk which says ‘Happy Birthday’. I guess I connected a few dots.”

Carol followed the girl’s eyesight. “Oh… I wonder when that got there.” She said, looking at the small present that was wrapped in red and green wrapping paper that had a small post it attached. “And err thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You will.” The stranger reassured, looking as if she was going to say more, but then decided against it. “G-Goodbye.”

“Goodbye…” As soon as the stranger, that had seemed to turn her entire world upside down in a small interaction, had left the shop, her eyes diverted to the present. She took the online document the stranger had just signed, comparing it to the present on her desk, seeing that it matched, before she dropped everything to tear open her package.

Inside was box with a ring inside. The ring was beautifully simple. It was a plain champagne gold colour and on the inside were the words ‘Day 492’. She slipped it on immediately. Not knowing why but it felt right. It was the most comfort she had felt since the accident. She looked on the form for a name but saw none. Only a signature that read T.M.B.

Her heart skipped a beat, and her brain lighted the butterflies in her stomach, but even with both reactions consuming her entire self like fire, she had no idea why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes i know don't hate me too much.
> 
> I'll see comments down below, but may have late replies 
> 
> 5c xx


	36. Whispers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, don't get too hyped. ;)

“Well what happened?” Dannie asked as Therese met him and Rindy on a bench around the corner.

Therese didn’t stop walking, thankful that the two just got up and followed her to the distant alleyway she was leading them to. “I saw her Dannie. I saw her.”

“And?!”

“Fucking hell Dannie I miss her so much. She doesn’t know who I am. I look into those beautiful grey eyes and I see nothing staring back at me. No recognition. Nothing. Maybe a small sense of déjà vu but… shit how am I meant to go back in their tomorrow and get my delivery?”

“She really didn’t recognise you at all?” Therese shook her head solemnly. “Well did you manage to leave the present?” She nodded as she went into a bit of a hyperventilation. “Well that’s great. You never know. Tomorrow maybe an entirely different story.”

“It won’t be Dannie. She’ll look at me like that forever. Fuck, I should have broken out earlier. I left it too long! Fuck!” She said shaking. The bin beside them began to shake at the same frequency and Dannie looked out for anyone who might notice. Before he could even comprehend, Rindy was off his lap and hugged around her mother.

“Mama, fight it. Don’t let it win. You’ll see Carol soon. She’ll come back to us. Just like I came back to you. And like you came back to Dannie. Take deep breaths. Don’t let it get out of control. Don’t let him win.” The trash can began to slow until it came to a standstill. Therese simply cried into her daughter’s shoulder pulling her closer. They both had battle scars.

“I’m sorry Rindy, I shouldn’t be putting you through this.”

“It’s ok Mama.” She said wiping off the tears. “You’re just trying to get back home. Carol’s your home remember. I’d do the same if you couldn’t remember.”

“You’re my home too Rindy. And you Dannie.” She said squeezing his hand and he squeezed back.

“I know Mom. I know.”

///

Carol rushed home and went to open her door, when she decided against it, going straight to Abby and Gen’s. She clattered through the door, tripping a little in excitement before clambering into the living room where Gen and Abby were putting down Daisy. They twirled round to tell her to shut up but it was too late. Daisy had woken up.

“Fuck!” Abby sighed, she hadn’t had a good night’s rest in years. Carol flung off her shoes, running over to the cot, picking up Daisy, lulling her back to sleep quickly before hurrying her upstairs to put her down. Once she bounded back down the stairs again, Abby and Gen were looking at her in disbelief. “You’ve been able to do that all of this time but you only show us now? ‘All’ above!”

“Abby, Gen. Shut up. I have something to tell you.”

“Oh…ok.” Gen said rather worried.

Carol clocked it. “NO! No, it’s nothing bad, it’s good. It’s really good?”

Abby’s eyebrows raised sceptically. “It is? Carol, you’ve had nothing ‘good’ to tell us in how long?”

“Yes but now I do so-”

“Is that a mate ring?!” Gen piped up seeing the band on her finger.

“Would you just shut up?!” That instantly silenced them as they settled into the couch. Carol sat across from them. “I… met someone today.” They were shocked but stayed silent, scared of Carol’s warning. “I was in the store today and someone walked in. It was a woman. She had dark brown hair, green eyes and deep dimples. She was ordering a child’s bed. She’s coming into the store tomorrow to collect it.”

“When does this get interesting?” Abby asked but Gen smacked her on the arm, recognising the description.

“Well… I don’t know it was something about our conversation it’s like I already knew her, even though I knew nothing about her. She… was an angel. Every time she even glanced at me I got shivers. I don’t think I have been so elated in a long time.”

 _Carol used to call Therese her angel._ “Well what’s her name?” Abby asked.

“I don’t know. But she knew mine. And she knew it was my birthday. I think she left me a present. It was this ring. The writing on her delivery card and the present was the same, and on the inside of this ring it says day 492. I thought it was significant for some reason, but I had no idea why until I was walking home and realised… It’s been 492 days to this very day since the car accident.”

Genevieve frowned, not liking how this was sounding at all. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. I counted them back on my watch! 492 exactly. I don’t know who she is but I think she may be the key to my everything. To the chunk that is missing from me.” Carol said resolutely, she had never been surer of anything for the past 492 days.

“You know all this from one interaction?” Gen asked, wondering if this was all just some delusion Carol’s mind had concocted to torture her.

“Yes. All I know about her is what she looks like, that she has a daughter, she’s in Brunel and that she lives in the countryside. Oh and her initials are T.M.B. Ringing any bells?” _Therese Marie Belivet_

“T.M.B? No…” Abby lied. “But this is great Carol. I’m happy to see you happy. But please don’t pin all your happiness on this one girl. If she has a daughter then she probably is mated herself.”

“She didn’t have a mate band on.” Carol fired back refusing to believe this girl could be anyone but hers.

“But look at you. You do!”

Carol twisted the ring that fit her perfectly, anxiously digging it into her skin, a painful reminder, a connection. “I know. It’s silly but, I don’t know why but I feel more like myself with it on… I’m going to go.” She said abruptly standing, gathering he things, wanting to keep this happiness to herself a little while longer and hope her dreams wouldn’t be filled with black abyss or the dying angel. “She’s coming into the store tomorrow to get her delivery and I need to look my best.” She said glancing in the mirror. She looked a state.

“Carol… Please tell me you know what you’re doing?” For some reason these words rang a bell in the blonde and her answer had slipped out without a thought.

“I don’t… I never did.” And with that Carol left.

Gen let her head fall into her mate’s lap, pinning them both to the couch. “It can’t be her. Therese is dead.”

“Then how the fuck did she see her at the furniture shop today?!”

“I don’t know. She broke it off with Mae recently, maybe that’s why she is having some resurgence… Should we tell her, about Therese?” Gen asked unsure.

“Look we don’t even know if it is Therese, the girl is dead. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have gotten on my knees and prayed to ‘All’ that she wasn’t because I think she is the only one who could pull Carol out of this hole. In all my years I’ve known her, I have never seen Carol in the way she has been since the accident. I don’t understand why she can’t just move on. I mean… Therese was a girl. A girl she wanted to mate with, build a life. She could have done with Mae-“

“And she could have also done that with you but thank ‘All’ the universe makes us make these choices otherwise you wouldn’t have found me.”

“You’re right. Maybe Therese was the only one she has seen as worthy to SEEC with? But Therese is gone… She died in the car accident. What is the point of telling her and degrading her mental state even further for a girl who just so happens to look like Therese?”

“I don’t know… Maybe we just leave it. Leave it until tomorrow evening. See where things go? You never know, it may just be a sexual attraction to someone who looks like Therese… Therese is dead.” She reassured herself. “T.M.B. It’s a bit suspicious though.”

“Carol hasn’t gone crazy. She hasn’t dropped into the point of no return yet.”

Gen scoffed. “Really? The time she went wandering off to the farm Therese used to work at?”

Abby rolled her eyes. “That was one night.”

“And the other day after her break up with Mae? She nearly died!”

“I don’t know what to do Gen!” Abby snapped. For the first time in her life she had no idea of what to do. In all the years she had known Carol she had never been this much of a roller-coaster. “Please! Please tell me what to do…”

Gen raised her hand to Abby’s cheek, leaving it there until she calmed before removing it slowly. “We wait. One more day. We wait…”

“Ok…” And of course it would be that exact moment, when Carol had left and they were just lounging in their thoughts that Daisy would cry. “Fuck… Dibs not it.”

“AH! Get up there missy.”

///

Carol turned up to work an hour early which was written on the report by her overseer as progress on her part as the acting head of the furniture store. She had been a little shaky but looked as if she was raring to get back on track. Little did he know that the only reason she was tidying frantically and looking like a million bucks that early in the morning was for the young brunette with the startling green eyes to walk through that door and accept her delivery.

The hours passed like years, and to Carol’s delight there were no other customers around the collection time that the mysterious T.M.B would arrive. She worried the ring on her finger and thought back over her last year of emotional trauma, and how it had seemed like one bad day in the presence of this girl.

T.M.B brought about this feeling inside of her. It was unknown, but known at the same time. All she cared though is that it overshadowed everything else she thought of and that it made her unimaginably happy.

The clock struck noon and Carol stood straight, eagerly listening out for the door, when 17 minutes later, it opened and there she was. She was wearing overalls this time and looking rather rushed. It was so different to the last time she saw her but as soon as T.M.B stepped through the door and saw Carol, she stopped. It was like the brunette couldn’t believe the blonde was stood right in front of her. Exactly where she left her the day before, but looking even more effortlessly perfect.

She watched the brunette snap out of it and approach her at the desk nervously. “So…” She began. “Did you have a nice birthday?” The stranger asked nervously, her eyes darting to the ring on Carol’s finger which fit perfectly to her relief. “I see you got something new.”

“Yes… Someone bought me this ring. For some reason it seems to mean a great lot to me.” Carol said, twisting the band nervously, it seemed to calm her, especially in the brunette’s presence, and the green eyes that stared back with the same level of intensity before widening in surprise.

“It does?- I mean err.” She cleared her throat looking a little embarrassed. Carol wanted pull up her blushed cheeks and tell her there was nothing to be embarrassed about but she kept her hands and words to herself. “That’s very nice. I’m glad…”

“S-S-So…” Carol said, chastising herself, she wasn’t used to stuttering. “You delivery.” She said turning to the matter at hand to give her heart a rest.

“Yes!” The customer said, a little thankful when the blonde turned away so she could breathe and take a large gasp before she turned back with the form in hand. They made light chatter about the bed and how much her daughter would love it but Carol could only see her lips moving silently. She had a question on her mind.

“I’m sorry.” Carol said, cutting her off mid-sentence. “But I didn’t catch your name yesterday.” She couldn’t help herself, if the brunette was to walk out the door and never see her again then she at least wanted to put a name to a face.

“Therese… Therese Belivet.” Therese seemed to search her intensely for a reaction to her name, as if she was scared of what Carol would say back. It confused Carol but she was determined to keep a level head.

“Therese Belivet.” She said, and a wave of sadness hit her. The biggest one she had ever felt in her life. A year’s long depression had been nothing to the tsunami that had just destroyed every single barrier inside of her. All but one. The barrier on her memory. “That’s a beautiful name.” She said holding back the tears, refusing to let them fall as she didn’t know why they were there in the first place.

“And so is yours, Carol.” Therese said holding back her own tears this time, not wanting to cry for no apparent reason in front of a stranger. In front of her stranger. She missed the way Carol said it. She missed the way Carol said her name.

She wished she could ask Carol to say it again and again and again on repeat, record it and play it to herself until the day she died. She wanted Carol to whisper it in her ear along with the words ‘I love you’. She wanted her to whisper it when they were making love. She wanted her to say it as they woke up. She wanted her to yell it when she was angry, sad, happy, excited, melancholy, anything. But how could she ask Carol of this when she couldn’t even see Therese. Not really. She was gone behind those deceptive grey eyes. They were turning an icy shade of blue when they used to hold this dominant fire.

“Would you like to grab some coffee… sometime… or have lunch… with me?” Carol forced herself to ask, gathering any form of courage that hadn’t been tattered to smithereens in the last 493 days. Therese was shocked. _Why is she asking me out? Does she just think I’m attractive?_ Therese was actually repulsed for a moment, to think that she might have to go through this all over again with the person she loved that could never love her back.

She was repulsed by herself for saying “Yes.” But she had a promise to keep. “Are you busy now?” Therese dared to ask, wondering why she was torturing herself this way one minute, and then remembering the clear answer the next. That she would do anything to spend more time with Carol. That she would put herself through this unnecessary torture just to see the blonde smile once. That she loved Carol with all her heart. And that she would never break a promise to her. Ever.

Carol lied, not caring if she got demoted to vacuuming the floors at night or made to pull 4 rest days in a row. “No.”

“Well there is a great coffee shop.” Therese said, trying to remember the directions to the one Carol had taken her once. It had been a long time. “They do the best pancakes in the city. And… do you like ice cream?” She asked, knowing what the answer would be but still anxious to hear it anyway.

“Yes, yes I do. And… if it’s the coffee shop I think you are referring to then you’re right, the pancakes _are_ to die for…” Carol smiled, feeling like everything was slipping into place, a small part of herself coming back to her. She picked up her purse and left her jacket with it being a late summer day. She began to follow the mysterious girl out of the furniture shop when she froze. “Do you not need your delivery?” She asked gesturing to the bed.

“Oh, I’ll get that later.” _Something tells me you are more important._

///

They walked in relative silence to the coffee shop, it was comfortable but forced all at the same time. Carol kept quiet because she knew next to nothing about Therese apart from how she felt and even that was inexplicable. Therese kept quiet because she knew exactly how she felt and she was trying to keep the city from shaking beneath her feet, because if one thing slipped Carol would avoid her forever, and she couldn’t afford that. She would day by day buy every piece of furniture from that store if it meant she got to see Carol.

They walked into the coffee shop, the enticing smell hitting them. They finally got to the counter and Carol was about to open her mouth to order when Therese spoke. “I’ll have a 4 and she’ll have a 6 with a caramel shot. And can we get two blueberry pancakes with syrup. Thanks…” Therese finished paying for it off of her quota and it was only when the barista left did her eyes widen at what she had done. She turned to the blonde who was looking at her peculiarly.  “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have ordered for you. That was incredibly rude of me-”

“No, it’s ok… that what I wanted… exactly. I’m sorry but have we met before?” Carol asked narrowing her eyes boldly taking a step closer which made the brunette gulp looking up at her a little scared, Carol wasn’t quite sure if it was because of her or not.

“I don’t know… Have we?” She said throwing a curve ball at the blonde that swiped her right off of her feet. She opened her mouth presumably to stutter once more into a poorly thought out sentence but their order arrived and the brunette swooped them up and led them to a table. “So Carol, tell me about yourself.”

Carol sat, taking the plate of blueberry pancakes that Therese held out for her, their fingers brushing underneath the plate which halted their conversation for another few minutes. “Ooh, it’s not that exciting really. I don’t do much. I cook. I clean. I work. I drink. The usual.” She said tucking into the small pile.

“What’s your poison?” Therese asked out of the blue. She was trying to think of something, anything to bring the Carol she loved back to her. Well that’s what she thought she was doing anyway. In actual fact the Carol she loved was staring right back at her. But she was selfish and wanted the Carol who loved her back to be replying to each question, as well as the one she was channelling through her gaze. _Am I too late to hear you say you love me?_

“Well, I’m trying to steer clear of drinking now but, Bourbon.” She said simply. “Although I do like a good martini with an olive.” She added, being truthful as possible, hoping that it could lead somewhere. Anywhere. She didn’t care. Anything for more time.

“I like bourbon. My favourite bottle is a 74 year old single malt. A fine oak.” Therese said, eating her pancakes, not diverting her sight from the blonde for one second, trying to see something. Anything.

“I’ve had that. It’s divine. Actually I think I had a bottle of it.” Carol said, vaguely remembering Abby prying the bottle from her hands before scooping her out of the bathtub a fortnight ago.

“You do? Where did you get it, they are extremely rare.” Therese pried, pushing her further.

She watched the blonde think over the question long and hard. “I…I don’t know.” She said, truthfully. Therese sighed, she so desperately wanted to come out and tell Carol who she was and what she meant to her. But Dannie had warned Therese of Carol’s memory and she had remembered every single piece of footage from that year watching over the blonde. This had to be done gently or not at all. “Someone must have given it to me.”

 _I gave it to you! I won it for you! Remember me!_ “Well you must be very special to this person because that is an expensive bottle of bourbon.”

“It is…” Carol said, it seemed that all she could say recently was that she didn’t know. What a difference a few months memory made. She tried to banish her depression over the loss quickly. “So tell me about-”

“What’s the hardest you’ve ever laughed?” Therese cut in, seeing the shock in the blue eyes at the out of the blue question and a little bit of recognition, but not enough to mention.

“The hardest?” Carol asked, giving herself time to think. She tried to think of a time when all she did was giggle. She vaguely remembered lounging in on a day, laughing, giggling with someone. _Abby?_ No. All she could remember was how happy she was. So she answered truthfully.  “I haven’t laughed in a while if I’m truthful. My… car accident… I lost some of my memories. And I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard to get them back but… I can’t. They are a little piece missing from me. And in those missing pieces I think are some of the best days of my life. Because I feel lost without them. But… I remember lounging with someone all day. Laughing, feeling over the moon.”

“Who?”

“I… don’t know. It’s not all there. I can’t remember.”

“Are you sure you want them back?” Carol looked at her confused so Therese clarified, looking down at her fidgeting fingers. “Your memories.”

“I don’t know.” She said immediately, and the answer came from nowhere. “For an Einstein I feel awfully stupid nowadays. In a way I’m scared what I would find, what if this great thing I had lost was nothing. It was all just a fantasy of a happier time when my life wasn’t so menial. But on the other hand what could I be missing?! What don’t I have now that I had then?” Carol asked, catching a tear, forcing herself to smile once more. “I’m dreadfully sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me. I’ve known you for ten minutes and I must be terrifically depressing.” Carol said, trying to eat her pancakes finishing them quite quickly, only looking up to see the brunette had barely touched hers.

“It feels like you’ve known me longer doesn’t it?” Therese said, taking a wild leap.

“…” Carol thought about it. “Yes…”

“You’re scared aren’t you?” Carol opened her mouth to protest, but this woman read her like a book. “You’re scared because you want your memories back, but terrified that if you got them that what you would find would hurt you even more.”

“Who are you?” Carol asked as the tears rolled down her face, she made no effort to catch them as they created small valleys in black mascara. “Therese, who are you?”

 _I’m the woman who won’t take any of your shit and reads you like a book. I’m your 100%._ “I’m no one. I’m just Therese. A woman with a daughter, who lives in the countryside and thought that she would enjoy having coffee and was it _ice cream_ we had settled on? I think we should go get some of that.” Therese said standing, gathering her things. “You ready?”

Carol nodded, not really capable of doing anything else as she followed the woman out of the shop like a lost dog. She was in a way. And for some reason, she had attached finding her way home on this stranger. Guiding her through her thoughts protecting her from the looming depression which used to drown in its dark mass and force her to watch everyone breathing as she suffocated. Therese was an…

“I’m sorry?” The brunette whipped round snapping her out of her haze as she looked at her worriedly. “I’m sorry, Carol, what did you just say?!”

“I said, angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small holes in the fabric of Carol's mind. 
> 
> Small small holes.


	37. The Antithesis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the word Antithesis and i have been itching to use it.
> 
> This was going to wait until tomorrow but i am super packed so yay early chapter! Enjoy!

“Angel? What’s angel? Who is an angel?” Therese asked looking at the lost grey eyes, so clouded and unclear, not the crystal clear she was used to them being.

“I thought you were an angel… for coming with me to lunch today…” Therese sighed, unable to keep it in. “Are you ok?” Carol asked stepping forward but Therese turned, not wanting the blonde to see her breakdown. She had to keep her emotions in check, but it was getting increasingly hard after each glimmer of hope was shot down with a mist of unknowing.

“I’m fine. I think the ice cream shop is a little down this way.” Therese gestured setting off a little bit quicker, needing the pace to mask the jittering of her shoulders as she tried to keep the banks inside of her from breaking. She had taken three shots of damper serum before coming out today and could already feel it sizzling in her blood.

They finally arrived, standing in front of the parlour looking about. Carol suddenly felt shivers on her neck and when she looked to Therese she understood why. Those emerald green orbs had galaxies floating in them, and whenever they locked on her she felt so small in comparison to the depth of those irises. “H-Have you decided?” Carol said gesturing to the board in an attempt to get Therese’s gaze away from her and let her gasp for air but it failed.

“Yes…” Therese said simply, not diverting her intense stare. “Have you?” This was Therese’s last promise.  And in some way her last hope. She couldn’t give this version of Carol a life with herself. It would all be too much, the powers, the dangers of having Rindy around. It wouldn’t compute with her.

She needed to decide to no longer put herself through the torture of loving Carol. She needed to decide to leave and never return. To focus all her time and energy on Rindy and herself. To brace herself for the inevitable pain and hollowness from cutting off all ties with her lover, and then she would hopefully fill some of that gaping hole in her heart by helping others. It would never be refilled, ever. Only Carol could do that. But she didn’t see the point in torturing them both, not when it was just tainting the time they did have together, wrapped up in love.

“Yes… Strawberry please.” Carol said to the Brunel behind the counter. “And you?” She asked the brunette.

“That’s my daughter’s favourite flavour. And mint choc chip please.” They came quickly and they strolled into the green in the middle of the square, sitting at a small aluminium table with two matching chairs.

Carol glanced at the randomly dispersed chess tables that also littered the square, her gaze focusing on two perpetually silent men, thinking over their game, their wise old faces ticking over it, wondering when to make their next move. Then she realised she had to make hers to, if she wanted to reach an endgame. “Tell me about yourself.” Carol tried.

“Oh I would much rather hear about you.” Therese deflected the question, nothing would get Carol’s memory back, not in the way she wanted – calm and non-intrusive. She had come to terms with it. She was just going to enjoy the moments as they passed, crawling slowly to their unavoidable end.

“I’m an open book. And a bit of a tattered one at that.”

“I highly doubt that.” Therese scoffed. “You’re only 27. You have a lot of life to live.”

Carol’s brows furrowed, just as Therese realised her mistake. “How do you know that I’m 27?”

She thought on her feet. “It said on the birthday present…” She lied.

The blonde seemed to study her but accepted the answer. “You have a great attention to detail.”

“So I am told. So… how is work? Have you been enjoying it?” She said changing the topic off of herself.

“Yes, it’s ok. There’s only so far you can take a furniture shop.”

“If you could do anything you wanted to, what would it be?” Carol was going to hesitate over the question as it wasn’t an answer given lightly, but the look in Therese’s eyes exuberated trust.

“I would probably become a Brunel. I would leave my house. Job. Possessions. All of it and live in the countryside. Working with the land every day, seeing what it would be like to have some of my own freedom. To work in my own time with flexible deadlines. To push my hands into the soaking dirt and claw at the cool earth. To throw pebbles into a freshwater lake. Look after animals, be one with the Earth. See if I can feel it spinning on its tilted axis beneath my feet… That seems like a life worth living. – Although I only have the utmost respect for my caree-”

“What about the city?” Therese asked, surprised by Carol’s answer. She would be more than happy to give Carol that life but she was a mother now. It wasn’t just herself she had to think about. She had a daughter, and there was problems to face with that alone.

“The city… it’s changed for me. It’s full of pretentious people who would do anything to maximise their quotas and for what? Status? It’s all closing in on me. The sky scrapers the pavements everything.” Carol looked down at her hands feeling vulnerable after opening up to this complete stranger so she decided to change the topic of conversation. “So tell me about yourself. I’ve been rambling.”

“Oh, I don’t do much… What changed?” Therese asked. She had hope, very little, but still it was hope. She knew it was only amount of time before it was crushed once more but faith was addictive. “The city I mean… I mean there must have been something that made you come to this realisation.”

“I woke up… I woke up in a hospital bed surrounded with messages of get well and see you soon but only two people stood by my side. I woke up alone, my head burning, crackling almost, and reality sunk in. It showed me who was there and who wasn’t.”

Therese knew exactly how it felt to be put through the torture of the electrical induced memory wipe. And she felt sic to her stomach, because she knew it was her who had put Carol there, against her own will. She chastised herself for even momentarily getting annoyed or upset that Carol couldn’t remember. Because she had no one to blame but herself. “Your accident… What happened?” Therese said clearing her throat, stirring the cold cream in the pot, unable to eat it as her stomach churned, although the rate it did was considerably slower than her emotions: she couldn’t seem to keep her decisions still. 

“I was in my car. Waiting at a light apparently, when it turned green I accelerated forwards and a lorry hit me. The car flipped. I hit my head. I woke up a few days later… I haven’t been able to get past it. I lost three months or so, maybe four months of memories. I can’t recall anything. In those four months I had gotten promoted. I’d been to parties, finished my polymer. And it was all taken by the accident.”

“Somethings… They are so close. You could have died, but something gave you a second chance at life. Have you been living your second chance Carol?” Therese asked internally begging for the blonde to reply with ‘yes, life is a gift that I am treasuring to its maximum’.

“Honestly? No… I haven’t…” It was like a bullet to the stomach, but instead of her body pushing it out, it simply repaired around the pain, making her writhe in it. “I feel as though I didn’t want this second chance… I know how it sounds, like I’m ungrateful and suicidal. But something tells me that the first chance I got at life was the one worth living for… And the worst thing is I can’t remember any of it…” There was a wisp of breeze and it snapped Carol out of her bubble, popping it violently and letting the vulnerability claw at her throat. “Just tell me to shut up at any minut-”

“What type of car did you drive?” Therese asked stirring a little harder. She could see her spoon exfoliating the cardboard beneath it and little pokes of light creeping through as she broke its bottom. Therese couldn’t hold her tongue any longer. She had been a ball of indecision for what felt like a lifetime. And for once she just wanted to take what was hers. Because Carol was hers, and she was Carol’s.

Carol’s brow furrowed. “Excuse me?” She asked rather startled by the question which seemingly came from nowhere.

“What type of car was it, Carol?” Therese asked once more. She was being cruel. The look of confusion and distress across the blonde’s face made her heart ache. And the next words may as well have just concreted the fact that it couldn’t be her heart aching because they were heartless. “You don’t know do you?”

“I… It was…” Carol didn’t know. Which made no sense to her. She knew how to drive, and she had obsessed over this crash for so long, but she couldn’t even recall the colour of the car, or its number plate.

“What would you use it for? Where would you drive?” Therese pressed. She was ashamed at herself for pushing Carol further, but she surrendered, fully acknowledging her own selfishness.

“I…” _Fuck! What… it was grey? No… Silver?_ “It-It”

“What colour was the lorry that hit you? You walk everywhere Carol, you don’t drive. You take the train.” Therese said abandoning the ice cream entirely although most of it had pooled on the table as her spoon dug through its flimsy cardboard.

Carol’s head snapped up. “How do you know that?” She didn’t know anything, she was clueless, just like she had been every day for the past 493 days. But she knew that Therese couldn’t know that. Not from being just a random stranger.

Therese was beginning to become frustrated. She knew it wasn’t easy for Carol. She knew that her memory loss was entirely her own fault. She knew the Carol she loved and wanted was trying. But that small part in her, who just wanted all the pain and torture to be worth it. To finally gain her true freedom, just didn’t care in the slightest. She was taking her shot, no matter how selfish it was. “You can drive but you don’t. Abby’s is only down the road. The subway is a short walk.”

Carol sat back, leaving her melting pot on the table as she clutched the arms of her chair, on edge and wary. “Who are you?” Carol demanded but her frown was torn away as she felt a hand rest over hers. It was Therese’s and for some reason, it was like the air had changed, and she was breathing in a new world. She was ready to believe anything.

“Please believe me when I say that there was no accident Carol.” She was ready to believe anything… anything but that.

“No!” She said, taking her hand away from the grasp of Therese. It didn’t come naturally but she forced her body to do so as she couldn’t think clearly when Therese was touching her. Although the fog still lay thick in her mind. “There was! There is! It happened! I remember!” She told herself, she refused to plunge further into not knowing.

“No you don’t! There was no accident. It is all lies, Carol.” Therese reinforced but it would take more than that.

It was as if Carol’s brain wouldn’t physically let her accept it. It made no sense. One or two questions couldn’t turn her whole world upside down. “You’re lying!”

“I’m not!” Therese snapped, it was all or nothing, she was in too deep now. _Fuck doing what’s right. Fuck letting her go. I didn’t crawl my way from that prison to lose her all over again._

 _None of it’s true. My car was… it was… the truck. It had… It was a delivery… Fuck! It’s all lies. It must be. I must be drugged. I barely know her… Do I?_ “YOU ARE!”

“Can’t you see I’m trying to bring you back?” Therese cried, her ears twitching as they were now making a scene and the whispers of the city spectators were getting louder, their presence becoming less and less ignorable as they crept in from her peripheral vision. “Please tell me this is what you want?!”

“I…I-I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT - THAT’S THE WHOLE PROBLEM I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!”

“You know me!”

Carol raised her hands to her head, sitting back into her aluminium chair, the metal slowly heating the longer she sat, clawing at the roots of her hair, trying to recall anything, anything at all associated with the vast green eyes that seemed to be the only thing she could see or even sense. “I don’t…”

“13!” Therese yelled in frustration, smacking the table away between them as she stood only to see it go flying, through the air, into a nearby tree, the bark splintering, just like Therese’s resolve. But as soon as the sound had it her ears, the slight darkening of her eyes disappeared with it, along with her elevated heart rate. Because that sound accompanied by the sheer terror in Carol’s eyes made her feel weaker than ever.

She had never wanted to become this. She never wanted to be the person Carol feared. She looked down at her hands, and at the table that was now disfigured lying next to the tree. It was then images of Arthur appeared, and for the first time she wondered if maybe he was right. Love was dangerous. She loved Carol yet the blonde feared her, because she was now violent in nature. An animal. But she pushed the thought to the back of her mind, refusing to allow Arthur into her head once more.

She buried her face in her hands, hearing the blonde stand and her heels scrape along the tarmac as she trembled. “Please…” Therese whispered before looking up, tears streaming down her face. She had kept them in for too long and now she felt as if she had an endless stream.  “You can feel it. If you can recognise anything, recognise _this_ feeling. It’s deep down. You fear it but its ok. I’m here Carol. You said you’d _always_ feel it…”

Carol walked back a little timidly as Therese walked forward. She searched… she really tried, she looked into the depths of her being, she even tried to squint past the fog of her mind but she saw nothing but confusion. _13… am I 13? Why am I 13? How does she know me? What am I feeling? What am I meant to be feeling? WHY CAN’T I REMEMBER?!_  “I don’t…” Carol breathed, for what else did she have to say? She couldn’t lie.

And even though Therese sensed no indications of lying she couldn’t bring herself to accept that answer. “DON’T LIE!” Therese broke, and it stunned Carol, even when the table had flown through the air it had only shocked her. _Why wasn’t I scared?_ But this outburst of anger and fury made her flinch, of all the things she didn’t recognise this was the most alien. And in her shock her heel got stuck in the ridges of the path and her body was left to free fall.

For a moment Carol saw Therese flicker in front of her, covered in blood crying, but in the next moment it was the same image apart from Therese was reaching for her, pulling her in towards her body, spinning them. She felt the contact of the ground, but it was just vibrations running through her. She looked down, wondering why she hadn’t felt the pavement smack into her back, but when she did she saw Therese taking the impact.

Strands of blonde and brunette flew and wrapped around each other as they tumbled to the side, the world spinning around them as they rolled with the momentum but Therese was still. Even though every part of the brunette was moving her eyes were locked on Carol’s. They were green and omniscient. And their power locked Carol in.

They finally came to a stop so enraptured in one another that they didn’t hear the glass of Carol’s holo watch cracking as it hit the ground. Their bodies were entangled as Therese lay on top of Carol clutching her closer. This type of close contact was burning her, in a good and bad way. The fire running over her because it was just like they used to hold each other. Then the flames consumed her, because she doubted she would ever hold Carol like this again.

Therese panted as she looked into the blue grey eyes that were alternating their gaze between her own. “Don’t lie to me Carol… I don’t think I can hold on much longer…” Therese said, watching a tear from her own eye fall and hit Carol’s cheek.

Another left her watering eyes and collected on her cheekbones as gravity urged it to fall along the line of Therese’s sight, but Carol reached up with her hand and caught it before it could escape, the salty tear blessing her fingers, the hair that haloed them shutting out the onlookers who were beginning to get worried and approach their private moment.

“I’m so sorry, I wish I was.” Carol said regretfully, watching the brunette’s face fall, because for a second, less than that, a fraction of a second, Therese had thought she’d seen a glimmer of recognition, as soon as that hand made contact with her cheek, the gesture was so Carol after all. And now the down fall was so much further. “I’m not I promise-”

Carol had begun that sentence with the hope of breaking the silence but she succumbed to it once more when the brunette leant down and caught her lips, ever so gently. If she hadn’t of closed her eyes out of reflex then she wouldn’t have even registered it ever happening. It was soft and surprisingly familiar, but it was like the small gesture spoke to her, it was bustling with emotion and pain and want.

It was so gentle that when they parted the air upon Carol’s lips seemed coarse. “Remember me… Remember me please.” Therese whispered, leaning her forehead on Carol’s feeling the cool running cream branch from the fallen pot through the cracks in the tarmac beneath her fingers. “Say you do Carol, I can’t bear it… I can’t bear losing you aga-”

And then there halo of solitude was ripped away as the weight of Therese, the weight keeping Carol grounded was ripped away and thrown backwards. Carol gasped sitting up to see Therese land on the ground and a young man dressed in black who barely looked 18 standing between her and her happiness.

“I-I’m sorry miss but I was afraid she was hurting you.” He began, directing his speech towards Carol but keeping his eyes locked on Therese. The brunette didn’t recognise him, and the thought of throwing him out of the way momentarily crossed her mind but she banished it.  “I was over there with the onlookers and worried that everything happening here may not be consensual. We saw the row and these displays of _affection_ are quite odd in public.”

Therese calmed her breathing, abandoning the millions of scenarios in her head to look at Carol. The blonde was breathing heavily looking rather distressed and… _fearful?_ “I would never hurt her… you must understand that Carol…” The blonde looked away to where she sat on the ground and to the small crowd they had gathered. “Carol please listen to me!”

“Carol, do you know who this woman is?” The boy asked. Again, Therese thought of just throwing him into the crowd, or bundling up the blonde and stealing her away, but she had control, it was the only thing left of her humanity.

Therese looked back to the blonde who looked down, struggling with her answer. _Say yes… say yes… please I will do anything if you just say –_ “No.”

And that was that. Everything Therese had set out to do, it was all gone. The love of her life sat fearing her, unbeknownst to the life they had shared together. It was over. It was all over. And there was nothing she could do.

“Forgive me, Carol… I… I tried to let you go but I’m not strong enough. I’m selfish and-a-a-and out of control. I’m not… I’m sorry.” She whispered, her body shaking as she could feel herself beginning to slip, the damper serum trying its best to keep its reins on her. But she refused to hurt Carol any more than she already had, so she set off at a sprint in completely the opposite direction, not having a clue where she was going, just as long as she was far far away from the living nightmare she never wanted to look back on again.

She blacked out a little, her mind internally tearing her apart, making her relive those awful words and memories over and over, and when she finally slipped from the haze she recognised where she was. She skidded to a stop on the pebble beach, panting, finally regaining herself. She looked around. It felt like only moments ago that she was sat with Carol, but she looked up to the sky that was blue mere seconds ago to see stars twinkling back at her.

She could see the lights on in the cabin. She could hear the fire inside crackling and even the sugar on Rindy and Dannie’s marsh mellows bubbling on their surfaces.  She tried to relax a little and took her first step towards the cabin, but each one she took her mind became more destructive.

Each step towards happiness made her hurt. _What’s to stop this happiness from leaving me too? From leaving us… It’s happened to you your entire life. You build a home just to watch it burn. It will burn. Nothing stays the same. It changes, and so will this. First your family. Then yourself. Carol. You’ve lost everything. Do you want to lose them too?_

Therese shook her head, it was like her shadow was consuming her. She knew the feeling all too well, but she also knew whose voice it was that infiltrated her head.

“Get out of my head…” And just like that he was gone. She had silenced him.

Therese continued to walk over to the cabin, opening the door rather abruptly. “Hey Therese you’re back!” She walked past her friend to her daughter who swallowed her mouthful of marsh mellow to greet her mother but she cut them both off.

“Hey, sorry Dannie. We’ll meet you back at the house.” She said lifting her daughter onto her back telling her to hold on tight as she left the cabin.

“Hey! Why are you going?! Theres-” His sentence was interrupted by the crack of rocks beneath Therese’s feet as she pushed off of the ground propelling her and her daughter into the air.  He stared after them as they flew out of sight. “She gets super powers and all of a sudden she can’t use a fucking truck! No it’s ok Therese, you just fly home. I don’t need a lift!”

Rindy watched Dannie get smaller as they ascended higher, reaching their peak before plummeting back down running across the ground briefly before running once more. She thought of how they had become such good friends. Dannie was always so kind to her and let her sit on the porch for hours without worrying. They landed outside the farm house.

Rindy crawled off of her mother’s back as they wandered into a hay barn, she followed her as they scaled some bales and copied the way she slipped through the loose panelling in the roof.

They sat in silence for a while, listening to Dannie put out the fire in the cabin and pack his few things into his truck before getting in, even though he was miles away. Rindy soon became impatient though and asked what was on her mind. “What happened?” She asked quietly.

“She couldn’t remember me. She’s scared of me. And rightly so…” Therese sniffled.

“Why, because we are different?” Rindy said, taking Therese’s hand, tracing the lines of her palm with her small fingers.

“No… It’s because _I’m_ different. I’m not the same girl that walked into that place. I never used to throw tables out of anger, and even if I did, it wouldn’t be in front of Carol.” Therese said truthfully. “You know, at first I thought it was like losing her all over again. But above my love for Carol. Above everything… I just want her to be happy... And I can’t give her that because not only have I lost her but I’ve lost myself. And as I stood there, trying to bring her back, watching her get more and more upset due to my selfishness and my inability to keep cool, I realised… I’d rather release her than keep her trapped. If I force her or trick her into being with me then I am no better than Arthur am I?”

Rindy nodded, listening. She was a very good listener. “You did the right thing.”

“I hope so, Rindy… I really hope so…” She said lying down to look at the stars, but their twinkling taunted her so she turned over to her daughter. “You know, me and Carol used to lay here. It was my getaway before I built the Cabin.”

“I know.” Her daughter said mirroring her mother’s position.

“Of course you do…” Rindy smiled softly at Therese. “So it’s just me and you now Rindy… And… I think. I think that after we settle a bit, in the new world… I think we should go away for a while. Just you and me.”

Rindy frowned. “Where? The Centre?”

“NO! No… Don’t worry we are never going back there.” Therese said, stroking her daughter’s face until there was no crease of worry. “I was thinking west.”

“What about Dannie, and Phil, Jen, Carol?” The only other people Rindy had ever known about, it wasn’t a surprise to see her worried about them.

“Well, Dannie has to work, so do Phil and Jen and we will see them again. We need to find ourselves. Or at least I do. I need to find where we fit in this crazy world, because there are going to be a lot of changes in the next few years and they won’t be pretty… I say we leave. Build a life, a new one, where everyone is safe from us… ”

“And Carol?” Rindy didn’t miss a beat. “What if she does remember?” Her daughter’s hope pained Therese, because hope had been fucking her over for too long now. A love of ‘All’ seemed dying.

“Don’t worry about that little one I have had that sorted since day 119.” She said hoping Harge had delivered on his promise. “So what do you say? Three days… Then we leave?”

Rindy seemed to think for a moment, looking off of the roof out west, away from the hub of the city. “Ok. Three days.”

Therese pulled her daughter in tight. They needed a fresh start. Between the two of them they could find a house and a job with ease with help from Lancelot, now the new Arthur of the Panel. She needed to keep Rindy away from civilisation and more importantly herself. And maybe, just maybe, if they could train themselves to have restraint over anything, they could return and mould into a changed society like nothing had ever happened. “You’re going to love the world, Rindy.”

“I already do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Therese is struggling extremely with identities which is understandable, because her world was turned upside down, she became a mother, and discovered she wasn't in fact human. And she knows that the way she was going about it with Carol ended horrifically, but she is walking into a situation blind. Blinded by her adorement and completely over whelming love with this woman, with whom she shared a life with. She is imploding. Everything is collapsing in on her and she's becoming irrational.
> 
> I'm going over all of this because this chapter was so messy. Incredibly so! But this was on purpose because after so much pain, emotions are messy, and Therese almost seems unrecognisable. And this is because she doesn't have Carol, but its a catch 22, because she needs to find herself to slowly work through this with Carol, but the only way she could ever do that is with being with Carol.
> 
> Its all sort of fucked up. Anyway let me know what you're thinking below :)


	38. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way Carma, This is the chapter I was on about. SO glad we are finally here it has been forever! I love this one. I don't know why, it was just an interesting write. 
> 
> This chapter is all about Carol. We spent a lot of time looking at Therese last chapter and how she made all the wrong actions. But Therese's actions always seem to affect Carol as a consequence. Anyway read on.

_She ran away so quickly. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone run so fast in my life. She said her name was Therese. Therese Belivet._

_It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. But when you’re sat in a hospital and there isn’t much about apart from a pen and paper I found myself aching for it. The psychotherapist came today. He wasn’t that impressed because I would barely talk to him._

_But what is there to say?_

_I met a girl who I had barely spoken to. She demanded for me to remember her. Kissed me and then ran away._

_Well that’s what I told him. That’s what he wrote down. That’s what I am writing down, because this is what I choose to believe myself._

_I said nothing about how I wanted to remember. How I felt like I had known her or as if we had this familiarity to one another. That in those seconds of freefall I thought I saw her drenched in blood reaching out for me. How, when she caught me, time stopped, and for some reason I wanted to hit the ground, but there she was, taking the impact. That as we rolled I saw stars and when she kissed me I felt them._

_Like the energy between our lips was like nothing I had ever felt before. That it felt wrong but so right at the same time. That it felt illicit and dangerous but overpowering and perfect even though she barely brushed my lips. I was consensual and given more time I would have kissed her back, even though we lay on the ground, outdoors surrounded by people._

_I was furious and glad when that young boy pulled her off of me. It allowed me to breathe, because apparently when she is too close my body forgets how to function in her presence but he also took her away when we were only beginning. She looked like she wanted to kill him._

_But then she kind of looked ashamed, as if her anger at the boy was something disgusting within herself. He worked at a local store and was annoyed that all these people were merely watching what was going on and not helping._

_At least I know that there are still decent people in this world. Even if he did read the situation wrong. Or maybe he read it right. I’m not sure. But I know that… what was there before, when she pulled away. That air between us was blessed. And I can’t explain it. I was scared but felt so saf-_

 

“Excuse me ma’am.” Carol was snapped from her writing. “Doctor James says you can be discharged now.”

“Oh, ok. Thank you nurse.” Carol nodded and the woman in blue left. She put down the pad of paper and started to pack the small bag of things Abby had sent her. Abby had initially been petrified when Carol said that they had checked her in for an overnight stay in a psych ward but was oddly quiet since she could tell something was off with the blonde. Carol hadn’t known who to trust anymore. She wasn’t in a car accident, she knew that. She didn’t even own a car. That was something a best friend would know. So when the auburn asked question after questions she had simply passed them all off, needing to keep this to herself for a while.

Carol left fairly quickly, ripping the sheet of paper she had written on and looked for the subway.

 _You walk everywhere and use the train._ Therese words reverberated through her as she stood on the train swaying in synchrony with the other passengers until her stop. She got off rather quickly, struggling to keep up with the quick perfect pace everyone had adapted for the city, but she just felt she didn’t belong in that pace anymore. So she took her own, and people yelled at her. Knocked into her. Pushed her.

It was brutal.

When she finally returned home she dropped her bag and threw the paper onto her cluttered desk. Carol usually prided herself on her home, it was her life represented physically. And at the moment it was a mess.

She immediately set to work. There was nothing like work to take your mind off of something, or someone and since Dr James had taken her out of work for a week she would have to work on her life instead. She began to stack away books, wash covers scrub floors, hoovered others. She was on a rampage cleaning everything.

She rewired her faulty TV, took out the bins, and changed the sheets. She had worked up quite a sweat so she put down her tasks to go take a shower. She stripped off fully turning on the shower for a few seconds before stepping under its spray.

It soothed her aching muscles and even though Therese had caught her the other day they had stilled rolled out of the momentum. She let the hot water run over the scrape on her shoulders and the bruises on the blades, sighing as she closed her eyes.

She suddenly felt a pair of lips descend on her shoulder, and then her neck, kissing up until they found her ear. Hands settled on her hips delicately, and she leaned into their touch as if coming back home. The lips continued to kiss and the hands caress until one wandered down her taut stomach and up to her breasts making her smile.

She turned in the soft embrace and kissed her admirer, burying her face in their neck as they wrapped their arms around her and caressed her back.

All was well until she heard a voice come from the darkness of her closed eyelids. “13, you said you’d always feel it.”

Carol pulled back and her eyes flung open but she was met with nothing. There were no hands holding her, no lips kissing her, no voice whispering to her. She was stood alone under the spray of the shower.

She shook the apparition from her mind and turned back to her washing. Once she stepped from the shower and dried she dressed and headed downstairs, her house in a half done state. She headed to her kitchen, starving since she hadn’t eaten that day only to see her fridge empty so she headed out to the supermarket, walking outside since it was such a lovely day.

She looked at her feet as she walked. But suddenly her red shorts flickered into her long fitting red dress and day flickered into night. She blinked again and the image was gone. “It’s just the drugs it’s just a side effect.” She tried to reassure herself but she didn’t realise a drug designed to make you relax could also give you visions.

She was determined to go into the store and out of it as quickly as possible so she picked up a basket and quickly browsed the aisles. She scanned each one quickly picking up essentials. Wandering down each one. She got to a barren aisle, picking herself up a pack of rice but when she looked back she was no longer alone, Therese was meandering down the aisle too.

She was looking at a few tins of ready meals, picking one up to look at the back for its contents. “Therese.” Carol called out and the brunette turned and smiled at her.

“13.” She said her dimples popping putting the can back making her way over to the blonde. “Excuse me ma’am.” Therese said, but it was no longer her voice. And then the image of her flickered and it was replaced with someone else. “I think you dropped this.” They said holding out the bag of rice. Carol looked at the hand which she had held the same bag with to find it empty, so trying not to seem too odd she took the bag and thanked the girl before hurrying to the checkout.

She thought that once home she would be able to clear her head. And as she packed the fridge she actually believed that. Until she turned once more when she was done to see the woman sat on her kitchen island.

She gasped. “Therese.”

“You know me.” The brunette said, maintaining eye contact with her.

“I don’t…” Carol whispered, afraid to blink just in case she would flicker away.

But Therese didn’t. She jumped off of the counter and walked towards the blonde, backing Carol up with each intruding step until the blonde’s back was pressed against the fridge.

Therese reached up tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, looking up at Carol longingly brushing her bottom lip with her thumb before leaning in, closing her eyes, and Carol followed suit, closing her eyes, waiting for the stars to reappear. But they didn’t, because when she opened them again Therese was gone and her ice cream was leaking all over the counter.

“Fuck…” She said drying rogue tears, “Get it together Carol.” She put everything away, cleaning her counter and began to make dinner, only realising that she had sped out of the shop without picking up the rest of her ingredients as she packed the fridge.

She walked over to her desk, looking for a scrap piece of paper was since her watch had been damaged in the fall. She managed to find a pen and clutched at any piece of paper, turning it on both sides to check it wasn’t important when she had seen her writing from earlier.

She put down her pen sighing exasperatedly. For some reason she couldn’t bring herself to write on it. It was her documentation of her time and presence with Therese. And though she doubted she would forget, she had forgotten 4 months of her life. Anything could happen.

She folded the paper in half, sighing as it landed on the desk as she reached down to open her desk draw, but it was locked. She tested it again but it didn’t budge. The next thing she knew she was on her hands and knees looking at it and the small keyhole she didn’t recognise.

“What?” She didn’t understand.

“A locked draw…” Carol gasped looking up to see Therese sitting in the desk chair. The sight knocked her back onto her ass as she scuttled away. “Now where’s the key?”

Carol shook her head. “You aren’t real… Get out of my head.” She sighed, taking the note off of the top and stowing it in an unlocked draw.

“You don’t want me to go... not really.” Therese smiled that dimpled smile that she may have only seen once maybe twice but seemed so detailed.

Carol shook her head once more. “I don’t?” She asked.

“Well, I’m just a figment of your imagination so technically I know that you don’t want me out of your head because I know what you know.”

“I haven’t had anything to drink today, and I really don’t want to touch that stuff, so if you could stick to less confusing sentences that would be deeply appreciated.” She said, getting up, heading to the kitchen.

Therese seemed to study her for a moment before appearing in front of Carol on the kitchen island. “Are you sure you’re an Einstein?”

“I don’t know.” Carol said exasperatedly picking out ingredients until she succumbed to just having beans on toast. She pulled the can out of the cupboard pouring it into a bowl before tossing it in the microwave. “What do you want from me?”

“No I think the question is what do _you_ want from _me_?” Therese said swinging her legs on the counter as Carol slipped bread into the toaster.

“I want to know why you gave me a mating ring! I want to know how you knew about my accident and how I can’t seem to even remember _that_ now! I want to know why my life feels like it’s been building into meaning something since I met you three days ago! I want… I want… you know what forget it. Would you please get down off the counter I just cleaned that.”

“No.”

Carol felt like crying. “No?”

“I’m not real Carol. But how about you tell me about that last thing you wanted?” Therese said trying to find Carol’s gaze but the blonde had looked down. “I promise I won’t tell.” Therese said, ducking into the curtain of blonde hair to catch the grey blue eyes she was searching for. “I’m you after all…”

Carol searched the flex in the green irises and wondered how she could dream up a person so real, that she had only met twice. Unless she hadn’t. “I wanted to know why you felt so familiar to me.” She looked at Therese’s lips. “I wanted to know why you kissed me.” She wanted to lean into the girl, who was there and not at the same time, but the microwave pinged and toaster popped.

Carol turned away from Therese only to see her leaning on the counter next to the microwave. “I can’t give you those answers 13. But you can get an answer to something else you want to know right now.” She said looking to the desk. “Who knows, maybe its answers, maybe it’s more questions, or it could be nothing. But why pain yourself by not knowing when you could just waltz over there and see for yourself?”

“It’s locked.” Carol said buttering her toast, pouring the beans onto and tucking in.

“Is this who you are now?” Therese said appearing at Carol’s side at the kitchen island. “The woman who is smart enough to create a polymer that is not only versatile but can be programmed, cannot open a fucking draw. The woman who would be able to whip up a banquet from the ingredients in her fridge is now eating whatever the hell _that_ is on your plate.” Therese said picking up the plate then placing it back in its original spot. “The woman who defied all the odds by-”

“OK! SHUT UP! I’VE DECIDED! I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HEAD!” Carol said thrusting the plate away from her and sharply throwing her cutlery in the sink. “I was right at the beginning. I want you out of my head. You were one person that I barely knew.” She said walking towards Therese backing her up. “I am sick of seeing you in everything I do and it’s only been a day! When you’re around I feel so incredibly lost and sad and when you leave I feel lonely and confused! I can’t do it anymore!”

Therese stopped once her back hit the fridge and Carol’s arms trapped her in place. “You really want me to leave? You really want to live this life of not knowing what’s round the next corner. Not knowing who you truly are. Why you feel this way…” Carol was silent as she listened to Therese speak. “You really want to carry on with life fearing what’s in that draw.”

“You’re not real.” Carol said, resting her head on the fridge just over Therese’s shoulder.

“It’s true. I’m not. I ran away yesterday afternoon after begging you to remember me. But do you know what is real? That fear within you.”

The blonde jerked up right, her hair quickly following her as she pulled back to look into the apparition’s eyes. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not. I would never lie to you Carol. I can’t. I am you. You’re scared… scared of what’s in that draw. Scared of what questions it will bring, what questions it will answer. You want to know more than anything but you’re scared to break it open because you’re fear it will break you…”

“I’m already broken.”

Therese didn’t miss a beat. “So what do you have to lose?”

Carol looked at Therese, over to the draw and back once more. “Tell me what’s in that draw. If you want me to open it so bad…” Therese’s silence was deafening so Carol brought her fist down on the fridge next to the brunette’s head to shatter the quiet in a fit of frustration but the brunette didn’t even flinch. “TELL ME! If you are me then you locked that draw! You know what’s in it. Tell what it is!”

Carol’s heavy breaths fluttered through the air and blew a few strands of Therese’s hair back, but the brunette just lifted her arms between the cages of Carol’s and held the blonde’s face in her hands until the gusts of air were nothing but gentle breezes.

It was the first time the ghost had touched her and even though the girl wasn’t real she felt anything but unreal. She felt safe and warm and soft as she rubbed her thumbs across Carol’s quivering cheeks, calming them.

Carol moved in towards Therese, so close that she could feel the other woman’s body heat, but before their lips could touch Therese shifted away from the fridge and began to walk backwards. Carol followed her like a magnet, unable to get away from the brunette’s touch.

She followed her through the kitchen and living room, their lips hanging only millimetres apart the entire time. She even shadowed the brunette down to the ground and laid on top of her, trapped in this perpetual moment of everything and nothing all at the same time.

And as she looked at the green eyes she swore she saw a story in them, a shimmering tear, pain sadness, guilt, and something else that overcame her that she couldn’t quite name, and in the blink of an eye Therese was gone, and she was left staring at the cold floor, alone.

Her fists balled. “No!” She shouted at the air. “COME BACK!” she yelled, her body contracting off the floor as she wept into the space Therese once was. “Come back…” She fell onto her side curled up, one arm wrapped protectively around herself and another letting her hand caress the space the two of them had just been in.

And when she blinked the tears away she saw exactly where Therese had lead her. She’d taken her straight to the draw. And its key hole taunted her with its denial of entry.

She jumped to her feet and instantly began to tear apart her house. She searched everywhere, everything, top to bottom. The building that had been coming together earlier that day now lay in ruins as she turned the place upside down looking for the key that would slot into that key hole.

Carol didn’t have many keys. She only had passwords and fingerprint, retinal and facial scanners. Keys were dated. But of course the one time she needed to open a lock it required a key. She resorted to throwing vases against the wall and inspecting their broken pieces in search of it but still there was nothing.

She had had enough. She threw the last one at the wall before making her way back over to the desk, falling to the floor in front of it before replacing the draws that had once rested above and below it back in their places.

She had ripped them out hoping to gain access through the top or bottom but the draw was a vault. Whatever was in there was important and she knew it but she no longer carried the fear of knowing with her. Just pure determination. She placed her one foot on the draw above and one on the draw below for support before wrapping her hands around the handle, taking a few deep breaths before pulling with all her might.

She felt a small creak but there was nothing. She tried again and this time the handle wiggled in her palm. So she tried once more, screaming out as her muscles burned and stretched before the lock gave wave and the draw flew out and hit her in the lip.

She was knocked back with force as the draw flew away and she spit the blood from in her mouth out onto the floor before staggering to grab the baseball bat which hid behind one of her curtains. She swung it above her head before driving it down on the box repeatedly. Smashing it over and over until the wood splintered and it broke apart violently, spilling its contents.

She quickly threw away the debris looking through it all throwing away the jewellery boxes, receipts and stationary until she saw it. She stood only to fall a couple steps back and slide down a nearby wall taking the curtain rail and drapes down with her, spitting the metallic blood that had leaked into her mouth, out onto the floor once more as she brushed over the front cover with her thumbs.

She opened the hand bound book, reading the very first page.

_“The Journal of Carolyn Ross: Age 24 - …”_

And without even thinking flipped to the date her memories began to fade out.

 _What is love? –_ She flicked through the pages - _Today I met Therese. Therese Belivet_ – And she cried. - _just to see that smile… To see it is like a gift. –_ And she sobbed as she read page after page of the life she never knew she had.  - _She cared for my safety. It made me feel… warm happy that she was opening to the idea of me - Therese’s favourite colour is red - Her lips make me feel as if ‘All’ is just blessing me. - And that’s how we both attended our very first soccer match - She asked me to court and she kissed me – no, I kissed her… - The way her hands ran over my body like fire on Petroleum. - She looks so serious when she rides, so… powerful._

Carol had to wipe her eyes with her bloodied hand so she could clearly read about the day in the flower field, but she wished she hadn’t reading it just hurt.

_I had never, ever been happier. I will treasure that memory every day, for the rest of my life. The rustle off the flowers, the cool breeze of the air, the scent of Therese’s shampoo. The feeling of her warm face in my hands, and my fingers in her hair. I just felt this indescribable feeling as our mouths moved so fluidly, like the only reason we had them was to kiss one another’s._

_I can still feel her hands slipping under my jacket, caressing up and down my waist. I can still feel her tongue pushing against mine, licking up into my mouth as we stopped to take a breath, only to plunge in once more when we were bored of breathing and only cared for each other._ _I wish I could replay that moment again, and again for the rest of my life. I wish I could just live in that moment._

She didn’t know how much one could hurt after that moment, but she soon found out. Reading over their first time having sex. Their trip to the lake, meeting Therese’s dysfunctional family, having lazy days in, laughing hysterically and looking after Daisy together. And then she read further.

_I love her. I love her more than I feel is possible. How I hope this diary isn’t found because I have never been happier. To say I feel euphoric is an understatement. I can’t believe neither of us knew for so long. When I realised what she was writing on my back everything slotted into place and I feel complete. I feel complete when I’m with her. She’s my home in this world that I no longer recognise or feel a part of._

She read of their last week, of the kisses and the tears, the long embraces and how Therese had turned up sat upon her doorstep. And when it came to the date of Therese’s birthday, she saw nothing.

The page was blank.

But Carol’s mind was no longer a dam bursting at the seams. The walls cracked under the pressure and the memories drowned her. As she struggled for breath remembering every last detail down to the second she lost consciousness, looking up at her love who held her, crying over their doomed situation and their parting words, she let gravity win and let her body crumble to the floor as the tears fell.

The stitches keeping her heart together couldn’t take the strain and they burst in two. All she could do was call out her lovers name. Think over their most recent moments together. How Therese had begged her to remember and how she had replied with glassy eyes and confusion.

Her heart, that already laid in two pieces ripped apart again and again until it lay in tatters in the cavity of where it used to weakly beat. “Therese…” She whispered into the puddle of her own pain before she refused to give into it anymore.

She dragged her body to its feet, running out of her house and into the night air leaving the door wide open and feeling the cold pinch at the wet trails down her face. And after the cruelty of the world had hit her and the night air embrace her, she broke into a sprint, her tears freezing into her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! WHOO! It has finally happened! And Carol did it all by herself!
> 
> Well kind of... Technically she did. BUT WE ARE BACK ON THE TRACK! 
> 
> Give yourself a pat on the back for making it this far, seriously! *Insert slow clap*
> 
> PS: Interesting fact for those of you who don't know / care. This chapter and last chapter i actually ended up losing, they had been lost for reasons i don't know, i just was reading back one day and found my usual 4000 word chapter only 120 words long. These past two chapters were originally one, and there wasn't really anything about Carol's reaction at all and i'm kind of glad that i opened it one day and found it all deleted. I mean i nearly cried at the time, but it all worked out pretty well ibecause this entire chapter didn't exist. 
> 
> And for those of you who don't care, suck it because you just wasted 2 minutes reading that lol ;)


	39. Curses

“ABBY! GEN! OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR! NOW!” She screamed as she rapped upon it unmercifully. “HEY! OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I KICK IT DOWN!” It suddenly flung open. Gen’s mouth was open to complain but the blonde stormed in not caring how Abby was shouting at her about the time of morning with a crying Daisy in her arms. “I don’t give two shits at the moment Abby! You lied to me!”

“What do you mean?! Why are you bleeding?!” Gen cut in.

“Where the fuck is Therese?!” Carol shouted, she wanted answers and she wanted them now. The two people she had trusted the most had been lying to her all this time. Therese had managed to escape the Centre and find her way back. And thanks to her supposed best friends she had no idea who the brunette was.

“Abby, put Daisy in her bed and come right back down. Now… And get the letter.” She commanded and her mate obeyed, swiftly returning with a baby monitor in hand and a long envelope. “Carol please, sit down, let’s talk this out.”

The blonde huffed as she followed them to the living area. Sitting as far away from them as possible, her eyes shooting daggers so sharp that Abby physically recoiled, holding her mate’s hand out of fear.

Gen decided to test the waters. “Caro-”

“Shut up.” The blonde snapped more than furious.

It was Abby’s turn now. “How much do you r-“

“How much do I remember?! Everything! I can’t believe you have been watching me suffer for years, knowing that the thing missing from me was _her_. You’re sick.” She said standing, not able to stay still, so she paced in front of the coffee table.

“Carol, Therese is dead.”

The blonde whipped round. “What? No she isn’t.” She said like it was the most obvious thing on the planet.

“We were under strict orders from the Panel not to say anything to you. In the car accident, you and Therese were in, she died, and you couldn’t remember her. They said bringing her up could make you go crazy.”

“And I wasn’t already going crazy?! I was in and out of hospital and the psych ward!” They cowered in their seats as Carol flung her arms out angrily. “And she isn’t dead.” She corrected them.

“She is Carol.”

“No she isn’t!” She reinforced, looking towards their unbelieving eyes. “I just had lunch with her!”

Gen’s head snapped up. “You what?”

“She came to the store again. I asked for her name. She said Therese Belivet. She knew things about me that she wouldn’t have been able to find out online. She was asking for forgiveness, for not letting me go. She… She was so angry I couldn’t remember her. She begged me!” Carol said flumping on the couch as the image of Therese looking at her so sorrowfully, angry that she couldn’t see clearly, was flashing behind her eyes on a loop, along with all the new old memories of their time together. _We were in love… We were in love…_

“How did you remember?” Abby asked, confused.

“I wrote a diary entry for the first time in years, and went to put it in my desk but it was locked. I managed to get it open and inside was a journal. Describing every single day we shared. Each kiss each word each feeling. Everything…” Carol shook her head in her hands as she sat on the edge of her seat. “I can’t believe you let me _forget_. How could you?”

“We thought you would move on. But you couldn’t get past it. We thought Mae was the one you would settle with. We thought Therese was dead. She _died_ in the crash Carol. That’s what we were told by the Panel itself. Whoever it was you saw, it wasn’t Therese. She doesn’t have a daughter.” Gen plead but Carol shrugged it all off.

“It could have all been a lie. We could have applied for one I don’t know.” _I could have a daughter…_

“Even if it was Therese, why only come back now? Why not come back for you years ago? It just doesn’t make any sense.” There were too many questions for Carol to answer. All she needed right now was Therese. The want was like a magnet, itching at her feet to speed off and not stop running until she found her home and told her she remembered everything and that she loved her. That she was never leaving again. And that Therese was so stupid for not just telling her the truth, all of it. _How did I forget and entire lifetime with her?_

“No. What doesn’t make any sense is you two keeping this all a secret.” She said, drawing herself out of the turmoil of her head, dealing with one thing at a time. “Keeping my own life my own memories hidden away from me.”

Abby’s bottom lip quivered. “I’m sorry.”

“YES WELL SORRY ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH! NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH! IT HAS BEEN YEARS! YOU LET ME LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT HER FOR YEARS…”

Gen’s mouth opened and closed for a while as she thought of what to say until she finally decided. “I don’t know what to say…” Was all she could think of, but it was a little late for that now.

Carol sighed at her remorseful friends that sat so small beneath her. Curled up together. They had tried to choose the lesser of two evils. They had been her life belt for the past two years. They had tried, because they didn’t understand. They didn’t know what Therese meant to Carol. “How about you tell me where she is?”

Abby sniffled. “If anyone would know it’s you. You knew her best. You were so happy when she was alive.”

“She is alive!” Carol snapped once more, she was tired of being looked at like she was crazy.

“Ok… Ok… and if she is I will be so thankful. Because she is the only one who can fix all of this…” Abby said. She had tried her hardest but nothing she did brought her best friend back. For some reason, only Therese had the power to bring it and take it away. “Show her.” She said to Gen who now held the envelope.

Carol’s brow furrowed. “Show me what?”

Gen stood, making her way over to the blonde, the letter in hand. “Harge came by a while back. He came with this letter from Therese. He said it was for your eyes only.” She said holding it out.

This only confused the blonde more. _So he knew too. Of course he did._ “How did Harge get it?”

“We don’t know.” Abby shrugged, gesturing to the letter. Carol snatched it out of Gen’s hand looking at the front of it which read ’13 x’

Carol could feel tears pricking at her eyes. “Therese used to call me 13… She always used to say that because I was an Einstein… she made it a point to say whenever I had said anything stupid… Which was more often than not unsurprisingly. She was so smart. She is so smart. She is.” Carol corrected herself, looking to her friends who said nothing to disagree with her. She looked back down to her letter, turning it over before ripping it open.

She let the envelope fall to the ground as she opened the letter and began to read.

_Carol… If you’re reading this it means you must have remembered me. You did it! You remembered. I knew you could. But if you are reading this then, you are probably thinking what the fuck is going on.  Know that I am sorry. I am so, so sorry and I did what I thought was best, and know I think of you every single day. Know that ever since the day you left, I have watched over you. Like an angel I think you would say._

Carol’s mind flashed back to when she had said angel and Therese had turned to her so shocked and hopeful, only to plummet further when she remembered nothing.

_I miss you so much. I will never stop thinking of you. You are always on my mind but I sent you away because I thought you deserved a life. I didn’t know it would be this hard. Day in and day out I spend in medical tests and training with the Panel and I probably will do until the day I die._

_I’m so sorry for... not giving you a choice – for taking that from you – it was wrong of me but I thought I was making the best decision for both of us. The image of you screaming in pain as they wiped each and every memory of me haunts me to this day. Especially when you began to scream my name and even more when you began to forget it._

_I wanted to die._

_I wanted to break through and save you from that torture even more, but I knew that it would be better for you without me in the long run. I couldn’t let you live your days trapped in this building with the barrel of a gun pressed against your head. I refused to. Because I am selfish._

_But know in my selfishness I was trying to do what was best for you two. I wonder how many days will have passed when you read this. They have told me that you believe you were in a car crash… You don’t even own a car which I’m guessing you’ve realised by now._

_It is Day 119 here._

_Please don’t shoot the messenger. Harge is the only decent soldier in this fucking prison. Well, as decent as one can get. Do not blame Abby and Gen either. They are just scared and following orders from the Panel. This is all my doing. Know that if I ever get out of this hell I will come back for you. Maybe I will come into your store, see if I can jog any memories, but I don’t want to force them upon you, I won’t force feed you moments of our time together I refuse. Who knows, maybe one day I will break free, rise from the dead as it were and sweep you off your feet._

_They were right you know. Love causes pain. There’s some days when I barely feel like living. Living is not much when I am without you. You have managed to make yourself my life, and now you are gone I feel like a body being tortured in limbo between life and death._

_Arthur would have found us one way or another. Everything comes full circle. Be grateful it was sooner rather than later. You’ll think it harsh of me to say so, but no explanation I offer will satisfy you._ _But you will understand this one day. I don’t even know who I am without you, some days it hard to remember. I keep trying to tell myself that I’m not an animal, but so many people have died Carol… I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck._

_You know sometimes I wish I could just say ‘How was your day Carol?’ ‘Do you want to go for a walk?’ ‘Will you kiss me now?’ I miss your touch and taste and scent. I miss the way you smile, the way your eyes glide from object to object. I miss you lying next to me in bed. I miss everything about you…_

_I can’t believe you remembered. I’m so proud of you. I wonder if you have a court or a mate. Maybe a child. Gen told me that you wanted one as badly as you do. Fuck I was oblivious. I would give you anything now. Even if it terrified me. At least now I would._

_I wonder what our child would be like. I wonder if you will have one with a mate perhaps. I wonder what you may have called your child. Fred? (My attempt at lightening the mood. Did it work?)_

Carol looked up to wipe her eyes, chuckling a little bit as the tear drops pattered onto the paper below.

_I knew it would. But here’s where it gets serious. I need you to let go of me Carol… because I will never be able to let go of you. I need you to say goodbye to our amazing months. I need you to live your life to the fullest. I want you to do what you love and mate who you want and spend each day with. And I need you to do it without me. Free or not, I am dangerous… If I wasn’t an animal before I definitely am now. You wouldn’t want to know the Therese I have turned into. I want you to remember me as I was._

_I want to be the girl who won’t stop eating Weetabix no matter how hard you try. I want to be the girl you went swimming with. I want to be the girl you taught how to feel. I want to be the girl that made you smile even when lost in thought. I want to be the girl you would see on your doorstep when you weren’t expecting it. I want to be the woman you loved…_

_I love you._

_I have much to do, and you, 13, even more. Please believe that I would do anything to see you happy and so I did the only thing I could._

_I released you._

“Carol?” Abby asked as her best friend fell to the couch, folding the letter, picking up the envelope and stuffing it softly. And then she pounced, ripping off Abby’s watch before bolting straight out of the door and down to the pavement. “Carol where the hell are you going?!” She asked as she ran after her friend, seeing the blonde dangle the auburn’s watch before unlocking the car. “Hey! What are you doing?! Carol be careful!” She shouted, running to the blonde who was starting her car, locking the door as Abby tried to pry it open and bang on the interactive glass, her skin screaming across it as Carol sped off down the road.

Abby ran into the middle of the streets as she watched her car leave black tyre tracks on the road and lights flicker on in the houses that surrounded them. “CAROL!!!” She leant forward onto her knees, her shoulders bouncing as she cried.

“It’s ok… She’ll be alright.” Gen comforted her mate whispering reassurance, directing them back to their house closing the door behind them.

“No but she isn’t coming back.” Abby wept. “I saw it in her eyes… Whether Therese is there or not, there is no way she is coming back.”

“Yes but she will be happy. Because she loves her.” Gen said simply.

Abby straightened. “She what?! She’s sick? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“ _Because_ she loves her… And it makes her _happy_.” She could see the clocks turning in Abby’s head. “Don’t you think she _deserves_ to be happy?  For the first time in years I saw her _genuinely_ smile because of some words on a piece of paper. We have to let her go. We did everything we thought was right but look at her…She’s infected… but wouldn’t you rather have her ill and happy than the woman who was on the verge of death every other week?” Gen said gesturing to the empty road outside.

Abby knew Carol was slowly dying here in the city. At least this way, she would have a clear answer. The truth would be out. And then maybe they could start to pick up the pieces. “… You’re right.”

///

“Therese. Rindy. You have to eat. You have to eat something.” Dannie plead as her wandered around the kitchen at his farm house. After the episode the previous evening, he had brought Therese and Rindy back to his farm house. This morning he collected Hugo and the shipment from the Panel outside. It was equipped with everything Therese and Rindy could possibly need. Including bulk packages of the damper serum and thankfully, nutrition drips if they ever had episodes.

Rindy reluctantly picked up her fork and began to eat and her mother smiled and brushed her head.

“And you Tee.” Dannie warned, pointing his fork at her. The brunette rolled her eyes and copied her daughter, still feeling a little drained. When the noodles were gone and the water too they both took their injections out of the fridge ready to be taken in 15 minutes or so, even though they could burn it out of their systems in seconds. Therese wanted Rindy to experience a normal life, and she was missing it too. “How are you feeling?”

“Like death warmed up.” Therese smiled pulling her daughter into her lap, kissing on top of her buzzed head as Rindy shovelled noodles into her mouth. When they had finished eating Rindy looked up at her mother, full and happy, giving her a soft smile. “You’re so beautiful Rindy.”

“I’m you Mama.” The girl said sleepily, resting on her Mother’s chest.

She scratched the girl’s hair between her fingers. “Are you? I don’t know. I was a little taller at your age.”

“Were not!” Rindy said fiddling with her fingers, nuzzling into Therese a bit more. “You had hair.”

Therese saw her daughter’s reaction and frowned. “So?”

Dannie cut in. “I like your short hair, Rindy. I think you look badass.” He winked.

“Badass? I don’t think I look _bad-ass_. I wish I was like Mama.” She smiled, taking Therese’s growing out hair between her fingers.

“No you don’t baby.” She said taking the hand away, kissing it softly. “You’re perfect the way you are. I wish I was like you.” She tapped Rindy’s nose, loving the way it wrinkled.

“No you don’t. Don’t be silly.”

“I do! I’ll prove it!” She lifted the little girl, whose weight she was concerned about since she was so small, off of her lap as she stood and walked to the bathroom. Dannie and Rindy watched her until Dannie grabbed the little girl’s hand when he heard Therese rifling through the bath room.

He perched her on his waist walking around the corner where he saw his best friend cutting her hair like her life depended on it. “Mama stop! What are you doing?!” Rindy asked, reaching her hand out into the way of one of the blades, but Dannie pulled the small hand back into safety. They were still teaching her how to avoid danger.

“I’m cutting it all off. I don’t need hair to be pretty Rindy. And to be honest it is getting way to long.” She said cutting away, the long locks collecting in the sink as she cut closer and closer to her scalp. It was liberating but it was also saddening, the old Therese was becoming less and less recognisable.  “I’d rather look _badass_ like you.” She said finally putting down the scissors looking at her daughter in the mirror. She grabbed the electric clippers. “Will you do the honours Dannie?” She said raising an eyebrow, making him smile as the Therese he knew was starting to come back to him. Spontaneous, sporadic, idiotic.

“Of course Madame! Although I do like this… it’s very… wild.” Rindy giggled as Dannie ruffled the unevenly cut short hair around Therese’s head. “Turn around, sit down.” He said pulling up a chair, which Therese sat in as Rindy hopped in her lap. All three of them faced the mirror as Dannie shaved off the rest of Therese’s hair. Rindy smiling as they began to look more and more similar.

It was kind of freeing. She felt closer to her daughter and further from Carol, as each time the clippers brushed her head it was like cutting herself off more and more from the blonde who used to run her long fingers through it, tug at it, nuzzle her nose in it, scrunch her fingers in it, and kiss it. She closed her eyes as the memories morphed into the rhythmic sound of the clippers.

When Dannie was finally done neatening up her neck, he brought out a short thick brush and swept away the debris. It wasn’t to the scalp but a slight buzz lingered over her head, just like Rindy’s. “Look, we’re both beautiful.” Therese said nuzzling Rindy’s nose until she heard Dannie coughing. “All three of us.”

“Awh Therese. You’re so sweet. You don’t have to say anything so - eugh!” He faked injury as she jabbed him on the shoulder.

“Shut up you moron. Wow, my head is so light. And breezy. Do you get to feel this cool all the time, baby?”

“Hmmm mmmmm.” Rindy nodded.

Therese winked. “Cool.” She giggled with Rindy standing. “C’mon, let’s go get our dampers.” They were walking out the bathroom when Therese thought she heard something. She stopped.

“You coming Therese? No backing out now. Not after I saw at the beach. ‘All’ above.” Dannie joked but Therese stayed still. “Tee?” She snapped out of it.

“Yeah? Sorry! I thought I heard something. I-It was probably nothing. C’mon.” She went through to the kitchen where Rindy was jumping to reach the injections on top of the fridge. She stopped once more turning her head.

“What do you hear Ma?” Rindy asked a little concerned, tuning her hearing, but it wasn’t as far as Therese’s.

Therese frowned. “I thought I heard a car… near the valleys…Anyway! Let’s get our shots. I’m probably hearing things.” She sat arching her neck as Dannie flicked the syringed for bubbles before finding the vein. He pushed the needle in and then the fluid slowly but Therese’s eyes shot open. She pushed the damper serum back into the needle to Dannie’s surprise as it refilled and stood abruptly.

“What the fuck was that?” Dannie said, staring at the full syringe of damper Therese had just refilled. “I mean what the _hell_. Don’t repeat that Rindy.”

“Shut up Dannie! I heard it again. The car… it’s crashed. It’s in the lake. We have to go. Take the car. And Rindy. Don’t come unless I call you baby.” She warned Rindy watching her daughter nod as she put on her shoes.

“Therese! Your serum!”

“I’ll take it later, someone could be drowning!” She said turning away from him, pulling up her hoodie.

“How are you going to get there?!” He shouted but she was already out of the door.

Rindy tugged on “You’ve never seen us run before have you?” Dannie jumped and ran to the window, looking out to see Therese more or less flying over the hills. “Holy shit. Don’t repeat that either.”

///

Carol sped down the streets of the city, not caring about the red lights, swerving around cars. She hadn’t driven in years, but it was like riding a bike. “How did I believe I was in a fucking car crash?! A car crash?!” She asked to the skies through the clear roof of Abby’s car that displayed, the engine status and weather reports. She looked quickly back down to the road as she dodged round the averagely paced cars. She had never driven to Agriculture Section 5 Sub 3 so was relying heavily on the signs.

She was finally in section 5 and close to turning off to sub 3 when sirens wailed behind her. “Fuck. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!” She said, pulling over, resting on the steering wheel as a man in white walked up to her vehicle. She put the window down.

“Ma’am do you have any idea at what kind of speed you were driving?”

“A fast one? Look I really have to go. Give me the warning or the strikes or something and then please let me go. There is an emergency.”

“Unfortunately your emergency doesn’t balance out the fact that you were putting people’s lives in danger. Can I have your license please?”

“I don’t have one.” Carol sighed hitting her head on the wheel.

The officer was surprised. “Ok, then I need ID. After that I need you to come with me.”

She sat up wiping the tears rolling down her face. “Please sir. I am so close. Please don’t stop me here. I just have to go to Sub 3. I will walk if I have to.”

“ID Ma’am…” He said holding out his hand. She sighed bringing up her ID on her watch, watching the hologram flicker. He scanned it before straightening it up. After around 5 minutes Carol had grew restless.

“Officer, c-c-can I go, please?” Trying to hold back the tears through every torturous second.

He frowned checking his display again and again. “I don’t understand. Are you some Panel official?” He said looking her up and down as she was in Einstein colours.

“Panel official?”

“Because you have the clearance.” He said showing her the display. “You may carry on.”

“What?” She said surprised. For once the stars weren’t trying to fuck her over. ‘All’ had been kind or in this instance Samuel had been.

“Looks like someone on the Panel is looking over for you ma’am. But please drive safely and consider other people’s lives. We are all equal here.”

“T-Thank you!” She said, letting the window rise once more before speeding away again, straight into sub 3, leaving the officer sighing into the space she just occupied.

She sped past the station remembering the way directly. She was halfway there when she slammed the breaks. _Why would she be at the farmhouse? If she got out of that terrible place, Phil or Dannie would have told me… right? Where the fuck could she be?! Where the hell would Theres-… The lake._

She took a hard left, racing off the track and through the fields the vehicle crashing her from side to side as she picked up speed. It wasn’t long before she found the road, skidding onto it. The last time she had been on this road it had been with Therese. Sat on the back of her bike, hugging her closely, letting her hands wave through the air as their hair entwined in the wind.

She blinked away the tears as she tried to focus on the road. _She has to be there. She has to._ She left a hand on the wheel so she could press the letter to her chess.

_I released you…_

“I won’t let you.” She said, her foot feeling like lead on the pedal. She crashed onto the beach, skidding on the pebbles she once threw in to the lake, bereft and in pain. She got out the car, tired and emotional. This was her last hope. Therese had to be here. She couldn’t wait any longer.

Carol walked up the steps of the porch quivering, maybe it was the cold but she knew it was her nervous system going crazy, remembering how Therese had first shown her about. How she said she had loved it. She knocked on the door, hearing no answer so she turned the handle opening it slowly.

It was exactly as she remembered it. It even smelt of Therese, the aroma hitting her like a brick wall as she broke down into sobs. She was cold and alone. It looked unused and untouched. There was nothing to indicate anyone had been there in the last two years. She sat down at the edge of the bed before slipping into it, curling up into the sheets bringing them close to her nose, her mind flooding with memories.

///

_“I can’t believe neither of us knew. I mean we’ve been courting for months. How did we not realise any sooner?” Carol asked as Therese ran her fingers through her hair, hearing her heart thump rhythmically as she rested on the brunette’s bare chest._

_“I don’t know… I don’t. I can’t believe this is happening to us. I can’t believe I’m going to lose everything all over again. I can’t believe I’m going to lose you.” Therese cried, trying to tense the muscles in her face to draw them back but Carol’s thumbs got to them first._

_“Hey… hey you’ll never lose me. I’ll always be right here... You will forever and always own my heart. Whether you know it or not.”_

_“Fuck… I’m trying to be strong and here I am crying.” She said letting Carol catch the falling tears._

_Carol was trying her hardest to keep herself together. “It’s alright. Look, I love you. I love you Therese. And we defied it once before we can do it again.”_

_“We will always come back to one another… I think you’re my home 13, where else am I meant to go?” Therese sniffled trying to stifle a smile, her dimples popping under Carol’s fingers. “I love you too. And I’m so sorry it took me so long to realise.”_

///

“I love you, Therese…I need you. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t, and it hurts too much.” Carol cried opening the letter once more committing each word to memory before pressing it to her chest, physically trying to sear it into her heart before taking a deep breath. “It is never truly goodbye.” And with that she left the letter on the bed, exited the cabin and made her way towards the car that sat in front of the lake which shimmered in the moon light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> . . . 
> 
> Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night.


	40. Aliferous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aliferous - Having/ to have wings.

Therese managed to come to a halt on the beach. There was only one other person who knew about this cabin and the fact that it was Abby’s city car sinking in the lake confirmed her worst fears.

“CAROL!” She screamed as began to run towards it stripping off layers of clothes before plunging into the freezing cold water, wading further and further to where the air bubbles were effervescing. She took a deep breath, panting into the cool air before ducking under, pushing herself through the water swimming after the car, feeling the pressure mounting above her as she swam deeper. She ignored the pain in her ears and kept pushing, her tears unnoticed as they joined the fresh water around her, grabbing the car. She tried to pull it up but the only force she had to push against was her buoyancy and it wasn’t enough to pull it out.

She dived deeper, swimming down as the car sank into a darker abyss. There was little glow coming from the headlights but they were beginning to flicker as the water seeped into their circuitry. She swam quicker and quicker, thrashing her legs out behind her to propel her faster. Therese managed to reach the passenger side but the door was jammed and the windows were blacked out. Every muscle in her body was burning, she was running off spent air. She once thought that maybe she would never die or that she would die of old age. But now, maybe she would drown.

Therese banged on the edge of the car, pulling at the handle but it snapped off in her hand, and just when she thought she was about to lose everything the light flickered out. She could feel the car pulling her down further, but she wasn’t ready to let go. The prospect of losing Carol was blinding every other thought. But it soon cleared as she refused to leave her. She would get the blonde out of there whether it killed her. She pushed off the, kicking up to the surface, even though leaving her love was the last thing she wanted to do. It may have been the oxygen deprivation but every cell in her body was screaming at her to go back, burning under her skin. It hurt even more when she got to the surface, panting and coughing.

She was sobbing violently but she managed to crawl onto the shore to around to the lake. Losing Carol again was not an option. This time it would be her fault. This time she could have saved her. And she would.

Therese calmed her breathing, relaxing her body and did the one thing she never thought she would do. She gave up the reins and handed them to the beast entirely. The flecks of green were consumed in black and they shone darkly in the moonlight. She felt this immense power wash over her. The power to tilt the earth’s axis if she pleased. She could reach up to the skies and pull down the rich from their floating ship that was orbiting a nearby solar system. She could reshape the earth in the palm of her hands. But something inside told her to stop. To do this one thing first and then have the world bow down at her feet.

She looked towards the lake, and rose off of her feet, into the air, reaching out her hands, concentrating, closing the dark galaxies in her eyes before summoning their strength. The water came to a standstill beneath her. There were no more ripples, no more shallow waves. There was nothing. The moon’s pull had no effect on it, neither did any other force apart from her own, and she commanded it to still. So it did. She could rip the moon out of the sky, if she pleased, and watch the tsunamis roll over the earth, but she had something to do first.

Descending to the water, Therese landed on its surface, without falling through, kneeling upon it. She could feel every single molecule beneath her feet sliding against one another, vibrating as they glided, but she commanded them to part. And just like that the lake parted right underneath her feet, and there the car lay, still floating but now in the air she had provided for it. She pulled it towards her and it began to rise, the water crashing back together behind it until it reached her level.

And then, like it was made of paper, she ripped it in half, looking inside to find…

Nothing.

It was empty. There was nothing inside. Was this all even real? Maybe she was still at the Centre in the city. Maybe she was sleeping in her cabin. Maybe this was all a trance. Whatever it was angered her, as she had been so close to finding it. Finding her home. To saving the person she loved.

She had been put through every single emotion in the last couple of days and now she felt nothing but anger and power. She flung the car at force, watching it crash into a mountain and explode.

It dulled the emptiness but not enough and so, she stood upon the water like a God, looking up to the heavens. It was time to see what real power could do.

///

“CAROL!”

Carol jolted in the bed. She sat up immediately. _Therese?_ She thought she had heard the brunette’s voice loud and clear. She scrambled off the bed, throwing away the sheets she was wrapped up in, mourning her loss, to run over to the window. But as she looked out she saw nothing. There was only the bubbles floating up from the car that she had just dumped in the lake.

She couldn’t bear to have it near when she knew she would never leave. The cabin was the closest thing she had left to Therese. That and the letter that was now crumpled in her fist. She closed her eyes, her body shivering a little. Her mind was playing tricks on her – she was sure of it. Torturing her slowly, punishing her for leaving the one thing she had ever loved for so long.

She returned to the bed cocooning herself in the sheets that smelt like home, slowly rocking herself as every noise became amplified in the silence. Even the sounds of the waves sloshing outside on the shore was gone. There was now only the slight creak of the bed and her steady breaths.

But then she heard something she knew couldn’t be in her head. It was an explosion and it was loud. She sat up once more, terrified and confused. And then she heard a scream. A blood curling, pain filled scream reverberating through every cell in her body. She jumped off the bed, threw open the door and thrusted herself outside of it to stumble down onto the beach. It was then she saw it.

It was like an angel. The dark angel she had dreamt of, screaming out into the night sky as the water raised around it like art. It hung in the air without wings, crying aloud making Carol’s heart shatter as she could physically hear the pain in it.

And as it floated and turned, the water moving like tendrils in twisting patterns, she saw its face. “Therese.” She said aloud, but the angel didn’t hear her, it was drowning in pain and sorrow.

“YOU TAUNT ME! BUT I DEFY YOU!” The angel yelled at the stars, watching a few flicker under her wrath, the water vibrated into motion, swirling it through the air, painting a picture around the wavering stars and the ground began to shake. Rocks from the valley began to tumble into the lake and large cracks formed along their sculpted ridges.

“THERESE!” She shouted and the screaming stopped. It was replaced with a calm loud voice.

“Get out of my head. You’re not real.”

“I’M REAL THERESE! IT’S ME, CAROL! THERESE!” She yelled up to her angel which finally looked down upon her. Her eyes were the deepest, most light consuming shade of black she had ever seen and they were crying in tears of crimson red.

The angel lowered itself to walk along the water, nearing Carol with every step, but it was too slow for the blonde so she took a chance in this crazy hallucination. She put her foot upon the water and she didn’t sink. That first step confirmed everything she needed to know as she broke out into a sprint across it. Each step splashing as it made contact.

She ran along the dark chasm, as fast as her legs could carry her until she landed in the arms of Therese pulling her tightly to her body, sobbing into the trembling girl’s shoulder before pulling back. “Therese I’m real. I got your letter. I remembered.” Carol cried, clinging to the rigid, trembling girl.

The cold ice that seemed to engulf the angel cracked slightly as Therese’s face quivered. “T-The car.”

“I ditched it. I was in the cabin. I’m here. I’m real. Therese please stop this!” Carol begged wiping away the tears of blood with her thumbs. The way Therese’s ears and eyes bled made it look like her body was tearing apart from the inside.  “Whatever this is - It’s killing you.”

“I am dying without you anyway.” She said, searching the blondes face, looking for any discrepancies.

“But can’t you see. I’m right here. Come back to me angel, please.” She said, taking Therese’s shaking hands and wrapping them around her waist, making them hold her. They tightened on her waist, painfully, but Carol didn’t care, the pain was grounding her as they floated upon the water. “You came back to me. You got out of that awful place and came back to me.”

Therese remembered the way Carol had looked at her with no air of recognition the other day. “You were gone.” And the way she stared through Carol with the nothingness that consumed her showed Carol how it must have been to talk to herself only a few days ago.

“But now I’m back! I’m right here. Just stop this and we can be together. Come back to me please, Therese. Please…” She begged. She brushed the buzzed hair of her love, Therese was so different yet exactly the same. She knew she was in there somewhere, but somewhere seemed so far away, no matter how hard she plead the girl in her arms referred to her in the past tense. Like she was just a distant memory or a trick of the light, an illusion of a happier day.

She searched the black eyes but saw nothing. No emotion, or recognition, or love. Just an all-consuming black, not even light could escape from. In each fleck of the green emerald eyes she adored so much she always saw love staring back. But now there was nothing, like a looming event horizon. And it stripped her down. Stripped her bare and vulnerable until she couldn’t take it anymore. She had to close her own eyes. The power she was taking in visually was too much. She rested her forehead upon the shaking one of her lover, trying to calm her breathing.

She would face fear, and look it in the eye, pulling her head back, refusing to give up, but knowing it was ok if Therese gave up on her, and shakily whispered, in a tone that sent chills through the air. “I love you.” It was all too much, all at once and she cried, her sobs bouncing off of the crevices of the deafeningly silent valley,  the noise and commotion inaudible in their private moment, until the water beneath them gave out, and they dropped into the ice cold depths below. Carol didn’t even flinch or care. She just held Therese tighter, not bothering to hold her breath. What was the point?

If she was going to die, the last thing she would see was the brunette. Carol forced her eyes to remain open, even if they felt as though they were icing over in crystals, pulling back in her angel’s arms as they hung in the rift in time, her hair floating and contrasting against the deep dark blue. She saw her lover so clearly - the girl she would die for - even though they were under water.

Therese’s blood from her face danced up into the blue around them. Carol could feel her lungs burning and muscles tensing, ready to kick in a flight or fight reflex, but she used her last seconds of consciousness to lean forward to the unmoving girl who seemed to study her.

She moved slowly, even though every instinct told her to thrash out. To kick and scream until she sucked the air into her lungs at the surface, but she controlled every muscle to move hesitantly towards Therese. The angel seemed to watch her close in, she scrutinised each feature of Carol’s face, every bubble of air that clung to her skin, the crisp grey that were looking at her so warmly, and the blonde hair that followed after her until their lips pressed against one another. It was unmoving, and it was cold, but Carol would rather die this way than live out the rest of her days like the last year and a half.

And as the last of the oxygen in her blood diffused she gave up on everything her body kicking out in random places. She had gotten exactly what she wanted. She had found her home. And she would die happily in it.

That was until Therese’s lips moved back.

She didn’t believe it at first, she thought it might be a trick in the water, her mind deceiving her as it became delirious but she felt it again, the lips she pressed against so softly, move against hers. The kiss that was once cold and unmoving became warmer and warmer, heating her body which had been succumbing to the ice cold water stilling the blood in her veins and then purging them as her body forced her to breathe in the icy fluid.

She pulled back out of their kiss as they drowned and saw the black receding. The flickers and stars in her loves eyes relighting. But by then her own body was fading into black and the next thing she was flying through the cool night air freezing each droplet on her body as they shot out of the water. The body that once clung to her so tightly fell limp and she was drifted away from Therese in the air but as she reached out to grab her back again, she made impact.

The air was knocked out of Carol as she coughed and spluttered. She crashed and rolled along the pebble beach, her body bruising immediately. She wiped the now dark blonde strands away from her face as she pushed herself off of the shore, trying to acclimate her body once more to the air around herself, looking wildly for Therese. Finding her only a few meters away, lying still on the rocks. She scrambled to her feet, ignoring the way the art made from water fell from the sky, the stars began to pulsate brighter and the ground came to a standstill as she grabbed Therese’s face in her hands.

She shook her but there was no response. She put her ear to her mouth and could hear shallow breaths. Therese was alive, she couldn’t help but let the tears fall as she was filled with immense relief. She saw the green eyes flicker open and meet with her grey immediately, holding their stare and never letting go.

“Carol?” Therese whispered rather hoarsely, her gaze softening as the blonde nodded, laughing a little from relief as she stroked the brunette’s head.

“Yes darling it’s me.” She said as she saw the small dimples return. “It’s me - You scared me - You scared me so much Therese!” She whimpered, sniffing, feeling the lake water coat her throat.

She saw Therese’s smile turn a little sad rather reluctantly and then form into one of regret and shame. “I’m so sorry Carol… I’m sorry.” She cried her sobs releasing into the night air.

The blonde pulled Therese close, into her chest, kissing her head. “Shh shh, it’s ok, I’m here now. I’m here. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put you through this. I’m sorry I didn’t remember sooner.”

Therese clung to her love, trying to prove to herself that this is all real, the sound of Carol’s heart beating, her soothing words, and her soft skin. Everything was real, and she had come home. “I thought I had lost you… In the city… in the lake. I thought you had left me… It nearly tore me apart.”

“Never. Never ever again. I promise. Nothing can tear us apart now. I won’t let it. We are strongest together…” Carol released her arms a little, letting herself see Therese’s face, showing how relieved she was that they were both back, after so long.

“I’m a monster Carol.” Therese said, ashamed, seeing the cuts and marks on Carol’s pale translucent skin begin to flower. Her mind flashed to all the people that had given her that look, the look in their eyes as they had feared death, as the bullet had sank into their bodies, it had all become real. And the fact she hadn’t seen that look from Carol just moments ago in the lake, made her feel more monstrous than ever. She had taken away someone’s want to live. “I really am an animal.” She said brushing the Carol’s wrist that hung next to her cheek.

The blonde shook her head. “No you’re not. Don’t you see Therese…? You’re an angel…” The brunette beneath her sniffled as they rocked before leaning up to kiss her. Their lips barely touched as they were both trembling and shivering so much, but it was their only source of heat, wrapped up in each other’s bodies. Carol could taste the blood in their kiss and she frowned out of worry, but didn’t break their lock.

When they pulled apart they simply just held each other and Therese relaxed into the silent caresses of her face no matter how hard their bodies were shivering. They didn’t even move when they heard the sound of tyres gritting against the pebbles.

Rindy more or less flew out of the truck and began to sprint towards the shore but stopped in her tracks kicking up stones as she saw her mother in the arms of Carol. She wasn’t sure of what to do. She had heard endless stories of Carolyn Ross. One of the people her Ma called home. But Carol knew nothing of her. She didn’t know whether to approach them or to leave them to cry in the arms of one another. She had no clue.

She watched them kiss gently, tilting her head to the side. Studying them. Studying their form of love. How it differed to the type she had with her Ma. She thought about approaching them but decided against it, her mother was safe, she knew it. So she turned around, her senses on high alert just in case. Dannie caught her arm as she walked back to the truck, his eyebrows asking if she was ok. She replied with a silent nod and smile before climbing in the front seat and laying down.

Dannie approached the couple on the beach with a blanket, wrapping it around their shivering forms. “C’mon. Let’s get you two back. We can’t stay here tonight.” He held out a hand and grasped Therese’s shaking one to pull her off the blonde but her knees buckled halfway. Carol caught the brunette before she hit the pebbles, scooping her lover up into her weakening arms.

“I’m never letting you go again.” Carol grunted as she walked across the shore and to the truck. She placed Therese in the back before getting in herself taking the trembling brunette into her own shivering frame so they shook at the same frequency. Dannie tucked towels around them before closing the back, tapping it before climbing into the front. Therese couldn’t control the shaking of her body, or the need to press her lips to Carol’s.

///

The trip inside had been uneventful. They had climbed the stairs of the farmhouse that Carol remembered so well. They had showered together, never not touching, always skin brushing or hands holding as they held each other up to warm underneath the spray. They had dried together. Kissed, embraced, cried, whispered sweet nothings.

When they were dressed Dannie had brought Therese an IV and inserted it into her arm. Carol looked concerned, but Therese briefly explained that it was to get her levels up to normal. As soon as Dannie left, she pulled Carol into her arms quite easily, pulling her to face her.

“Tell me that you’re real.” Whispered Carol as her eyes became heavier and heavier with exhaustion.

Therese picked up Carol’s hand and brought it to her lips, kissing her softly. “I’m real…”

///

Therese watched Carol fall into a soft sleep, fighting against her own exhaustion as the power was beginning to wear off rapidly. She watched her, soothingly brushing her hands through the blonde locks. And when she was sure that Carol was fast asleep, she untangled their legs underneath the covers and slipped out of the light grasp. Therese pulled the IV from her arm before piercing the bag and drinking it straight, tossing the bag aside before shakily shuffling out the room. She could hear her small breaths from a mile away.

Rindy. Curled up on the couch in Therese’s hoodie and a blanket, having a restless sleep without her mother by her side. Therese felt like crying but she steeled herself knowing she didn’t have long before her body began to fail. “You’re such a strong brave little girl.” She whispered to her hazy daughter scooping her up into her arms. Rindy had never slept without her, but she was willing to do so for the first time tonight to give her mother the space she needed. “And you never have to be ever again. You can relax. You’re safe. And I will always love you.”  She felt like her daughter needed to know that she wasn’t alone, and apparently she did as Rindy scrunched her hand in Therese’s shirt.

Therese could feel her body shutting down muscle by muscle as she made her way to the stairs with Rindy in her arms, soundly asleep. She had pushed herself too far and she knew that she probably wouldn’t wake for days after this night, maybe even weeks. She honestly didn’t know. But she called on the power once more, lifting herself off her feet to glide up the stairs and into the bedroom.

They floated in silently, slipping underneath the covers; Therese into Carol’s form and Rindy into Therese’s. All together and safe under the warm sheets. Like a family. No one moved for the duration of the night, unless it was small tugs of pulling one another closer. They were wrapped in warmth and the love they were protected by it too, pushing the night terrors away from the beautiful moment, and finally allowing the a peaceful sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope is the thing with feathers   
> That perches in the soul,   
> And sings the tune without the words,   
> And never stops at all, 
> 
> And sweetest in the gale is heard;   
> And sore must be the storm   
> That could abash the little bird   
> That kept so many warm. 
> 
> I’ve heard it in the chillest land,   
> And on the strangest sea;   
> Yet, never, in extremity,   
> It asked a crumb of me.
> 
> \- Emily Dickinson


	41. Waiting Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As if i made you wait a whole week lol

Carol woke up rather slowly, her mind absorbing her surroundings, like it did when you were in a new place. But then she realised it wasn’t new at all. This was Therese’s room, Therese’s bed and Therese’s body in her arms, and buzzed hair brushing her lips.

She pulled the brunette closer, not quite believing she was there but the scent of Therese made her abandon all doubts. She inhaled deeply, the earthy scent of Therese a little weaker but still there, still recognisable. Her lips found it easy to press against the crown of her lover’s head. _She came back to me. We came back to each other._

Carol knew that a day would come that would be full of absurd questions and crazy answers. And the next day and maybe the day after but she didn’t care. All that mattered was that Therese was back, maybe a little bruised and battered, scarred and changed, but she was still Therese. Still the girl with the ability to make her legs weak. The ability to turn her whole day upside down with one look. The ability to make her feel so loved in a kiss or a touch or even a word.

She kissed her love once more, this time lightly on the lips. Confused as to why she wasn’t waking up. She knew Therese must be exhausted, if she remembered correctly the brunette always woke up before her. Although, her brunette wasn’t very brunette anymore as it was all gone. All cut close to the scalp with a little brown fuzz left.

She wondered what Therese must have gone through in the Centre. How much torture it had all been. How she had survived. But then the image of Therese pushing a bullet out of her neck and shoulder flashed across her mind. Though it didn’t make the questions in her head stop. Therese must have experienced all the pain without the release of death.

She looked up, forcing herself not to cry. However her angel had managed to defy gravity the night before, had obviously used every last sap of her energy. She looked to the IV which was empty. She found another pouch and hooked it up like she had seen yesterday. All she could do now, was wait.

Carol laid by her side for the first day, not moving even as the dawn turned to day, and day into dusk and dusk into night. She let her body succumb to the darkness and repeated her actions of guardian angel the second day.

She woke up on the third day with food and a bottle of water and on the fourth day she woke up with the untouched food replace with fresh supplies and the empty bottle of water replaced with a new one.

She would sit by Therese’s side day and night, keeping her IV topped up, their finger intertwined and as much of herself as possible, comforting and caressing the brunette she had missed so dearly. She washed her, changed her, read to her, cared for her, and most of all prayed, to ‘All’ that love of seemed dying, for her angel to wake up.

On the 5th day she found the door slightly ajar, Therese changed along with her IV. She was confused, but on the door there was a sticky note, which read – _Breakfast._  

She pondered over the note and the child like scrawled handwriting. She had seen Dannie pop his head in once or twice over the past few days but he had left them to each other. He understood what Carol must be going through and the past five days with Therese by her side had given her time to think and process just exactly what had happened in the past 2 years.

She looked at the note once more, wondering who must have left it. Dannie was too busy with work, he had explained that as much as he wanted to be there he had to keep his quota up otherwise the authorities could come snooping. It wasn’t Phil or Jen, they had visited once or twice as well.

The only person she could ever really remember being anywhere around here was Mrs Robichek. And that left her with simmering rage. The woman who had suggested Therese’s birth only to be tortured in the first place.

She kissed Therese’s still lips one last time lingeringly, just in case, pulling the hood of her hoodie over her head before leaving the room. The door had a crack in it so she could hear if Therese rose. She was reluctant to leave and just as she reached the top of the staircase and fisted her hands, annoyed at herself for ever thinking she should be anywhere but the brunette’s room when she saw something run inhumanly fast, across the bottom of the stairs.

She walked down, a little chilly so she swiped a pair of pyjama bottoms from a washing pile, slipping them on easily. They were a little long but she didn’t care, especially when they smelt like the detergent Therese used. She was wrapped in her lover’s scent. It made her feel safer and warmer than any amount of clothing.

She walked into the kitchen, seeing nothing but hearing her stomach growl at her. She caught her reflection in the mirror and saw how pale and terrific she looked. She felt awful but quickly glanced to the fridge. Remembering where everything was, she picked out a few things and realised they had no eggs. “Fuck…” She swore to herself.

“Dannie says you shouldn’t say that word.” Carol jumped at the voice into the fridge clutching her chest as she whirled around to the little girl that was perched upon the windowsill above the fridge, dowsed in oversized black hoodie and tight black leggings. The hood was pulled up so Carol couldn’t really read her face but every now and again saw her mouth as she bit into an apple.

“‘All’ above. I didn’t realise you were in here.” Carol said trying to retain her breath.

“If you’re looking for eggs you will have to go get some… From the chickens.” The little girl said, finishing her apple and throwing it into the bin with precision. “Those feather things Mama likes to give funny names to.”

Carol completely missed the little girl’s second sentence as she was entranced by the way she hopped down so fluidly, using the surfaces around her effortlessly. She couldn’t have been more than 8. She was so small. “The chickens. Of course.”

There was a small silence as the girl shifted in her big hoodie. “I-I can take you… We can go get eggs… together if you like. Dannie says I’m allowed wherever I want, that I don’t have to ask permission anymore.”

It took a minute for Carol to recognise the invitation but as soon as she did she was back into action. “Yes. Thank you. That’s very kind. I-I’m Carol.” The blonde tried.

“I know.” Said the hooded figure simply. Picking up a basket as she headed for the door. “Are you coming?” The figure asked, and the blonde, for a moment, thought that this could again be a figment of her imagination, but it turned to her. “I know you’re worried, but she won’t wake up today. Or tomorrow. You’ll be lucky if she wakes in one week. So there is no need to worry.”

The little girl left Carol standing in the kitchen, shocked and silent. She processed the information, looking up the stairs to her lover before springing to her feet, stealing some steel capped boots on the way out as her shoes weren’t really suitable.

She followed the little girl to the barn in silence, simply watching her. She felt at times that she was being watched but the large shadow made by the hood made it hard to tell exactly where the little girl was looking. They soon entered the barn. “If you go to the other side and feed them, I can collect the eggs.”

Carol looked up the wall of chickens in the coop. She grabbed the bag of feed and started to do as she was told. “How do you know when Therese will wake?” She was answered with silence. “Do you... has it happened before?” Again stony silence, so she diverted the topic away from Therese. “How long have you been here?” She asked. Carol had never seen the little girl around before although now she thought of it, she hadn’t been around for over a year. She didn’t think they were accepted into a faction this long let alone an assigned job at her age. Therese had been an exception for reasons which she knew now.

“17 days today… I mean two weeks three days. Dammit.” She watched the little girl curse to herself as she collect more eggs. Carol followed her along the line, sneaking peeks through the bird wall.

“It’s ok. Sometimes I count in days. Usually when I’m counting down to something.” The fact she had spent 492 days without Therese flashed to mind but she pushed it away quickly as the girl swung round the end of the wall with a basket full of eggs. “How do you like your eggs cooked?” Carol said, picking up a brown freckled one.

The hoodie slipped back a little as the girl looked up to the egg in Carol’s hand. The blonde had to stop herself from gasping as she recognised the emerald green eyes anywhere. The egg fell from her fingers but Rindy had lightening quick reflexes and caught it fairly easily, putting it back in the basket after looking at it for a while, not even noticing how Carol tugged the back of her hood so it fell down her back. “I don’t know. I’ve never really had one cooked before.”

 _She looks just like her._ “Ever?” There was clearly something she wasn’t getting, but it would have to wait.

“No… Most of my diet was very basic. Only what was essential. A lot of smoothies and protein shakes. I’m finding lots of thing I like and dislike.” Carol couldn’t help but notice how formally the girl spoke. “How do you like your eggs cooked?”

“Anything with a runny yolk.” She said truthfully, studying the girl who she couldn’t help but make comparisons to Therese with.

Rindy frowned. “If it runs how do you catch it?” She asked looking at an egg in her hand.

Carol was confused but not as confused as the little girl who stared at the strange spheres. She was snapped from her staring by curious green eyes. “No it runs on the egg.”

“With legs?”

She couldn’t help but snigger a little, and it was the first time she had in days. “No it’s a liquid.” She watched the little girl nod in understanding before heading to the door of the barn once more, only stopping when she realised Carol wasn’t following. She seemed to see straight through the blonde, challenging her, seeing if she would ask. “What’s is your name?” She said putting down the bag of feed. “It’s only fair you know mine.”

She seemed to look Carol up and down, taking in her courage and nerves. “My name is Rindy. Rindy Belivet.”

“Belivet?” She asked, but Rindy was already walking out of the large coop. Carol sprang into action, jogging slightly to catch up with her.

“Yes.” Rindy replied, not even looking to the blonde, she wasn’t sure of how to act around Carol. She knew the woman inside and out. She had grown up learning to adore her and how the stories of her would brighten her day. But now Carol was here she felt, awkward.

The blonde’s was mouth agape, trying to find words. “As in Therese Belivet?”

“She is my Mother.” Rindy said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“H-How is that possible? How old are you?” Carol said catching the little girl’s arm to try and pull her to a stop but found her feet dragging along the ground. Rindy finally stopped, looking down at Carol’s hand curiously until the blonde let go.

Carol mistook her look as disgust, but it was actually just scrutiny of the ring that wrapped around her finger. It was the same one that hung around a small chain around her neck. Her mother had bought three, and she was only just realising who owned the third. “I’m eight years of age. You are 27 years of age.”

“I-I-I am.” Carol said, a little thrown off by how much this little girl knew but she plundered forward with her questions. “But Therese is only 22… She couldn’t have had you at 14 or 13.” The little girl flinched as the blonde in front of her dropped to her knees. “Please tell me that I didn’t forget you. Do you know me? I thought I had remembered everything. Tell me I didn’t forget you too.”

She held the little girl’s face in her hands trying to search the green eyes that shone identically to her mother’s. They were harder to read. “No. You didn’t. Mama didn’t have me when you had her.” Rindy said, taking the hands from her face and guiding Carol to join her to sit crossed legged in the dirt. She traced Carol’s palms with her fingertips as she spoke, noticing her nails were painted red, just like they were in the stories, although these were chipped, understandably. “The Panel took me in an egg state when they harvested my mother’s ovaries in an attempt to replicate her. They only succeeded once. With me.”

Carol opened her mouth to ask more questions, but the little girl dropped her hands and took off her shoe showing Carol the shimmering tattoo on the bottom of her foot. “71N4Y… Rindy.”

“I met Mama on day 308. The same day she told me about you… She saved me. She saved me from the bad men who do bad things.” Carol could physically see the pain flicker through Rindy’s eyes. She could tell this girl was strong, even with all of her oddities. “But they are gone now.” Rindy concluded.

Carol swallowed, only realising now how dry her mouth was. She looked down to the small foot in her palms and stroked it softly before reaching for Rindy’s shoe, sliding her foot in before asking. “They’re gone?” Gone was such an odd word to use. _Had Arthur left? Had he been exiled? Is he dead?_

“Yes… They feel nothing now. At least we felt everything.” She said rather distantly as she watched the blonde tie a bow on her shoe. “Aren’t you going to show me how to cook an egg and make them run?” She asked changing the topic. She had gotten all she needed to off of her chest. The rest was up to Carol.

“Would you like that?”

“Yes, yes I would.”

Carol smiled watching Rindy stand. The girl held out her hand and Carol took it, not expecting the amount of force she was pulled up with, it brought her off her feet a little. “I-I see you got your mother’s strength.” She said and when Rindy turned to her she was proud of herself because she had managed to make the girl smile. “You are the splitting image of your mother.”

Rindy took off her shoes on the porch leisurely and walked in with a passing comment. “Well technically we are the same person.” Carol’s brows crinkled in confusion as she blinked trying to make sense of everything that had been so calmly put in the past ten minutes but her thought process was interrupted. “Are you coming?!”

Twenty minutes later they were sat at the kitchen table in relative silence. Rindy had helped Carol cook the stuffed bread rolls Therese adored so much and they were currently in the oven. Now they were just relaxing as Carol sipped her coffee and Rindy munched her Weetabix.

“So… how did you know that I was Carol?” The blonde gained the courage to ask. Usually she was very comfortable around children but she had never been so tense in her life.

“Because of your picture.” Rindy answered simply. “Mama had a photo frame on her table in our room which had pictures of you two on it…” _She kept the photo frame_ … Rindy reached out to Carol’s head and the blonde stayed completely still, her eyes mesmerised by the young girl. “Your hair was longer.”

“I had it cut.” Carol said as the small fingers swam through her hair.

Rindy frowned, pulling up her hood moving her attention back to her cereal. “Why?” She said rather defensively but the barriers came back down when she felt the blonde pull her hood down once more.

“Because I wanted a fresh start…” She said, brushing her hand over Rindy’s head before retracting it, hoping she hadn’t pushed too far. “It wasn’t easy being away from Therese.”

The Weetabix had been discarded now as the blonde had all of her attention. “I know, I saw the videos.”

Carol’s brow furrowed. “The videos?”

“Mama always had someone looking over you in public. She had surveillance images and photos. She used to watch it. Then she stopped when you found Mae.”

Carol’s eyes widened in shock. “She knew about Mae?” She whispered to herself but Rindy dismissed the concern in her voice.

“Then you came in for your therapy session. That’s when _it_ first happened.” She said looking to her hands.

Carol was pulled back out of her pit of depression she was about to fall in. It was getting shallower but it was still a long way down. “When what first happened?”

Rindy reached her hand out to Carol’s coffee mug, drawing the black liquid out of the mug to dance in patterns in the air. “When she let the beast take over. She found out we had powers. And she made the ground shake.” Rindy let it float back and stood rather abruptly, wiping away the blood from her nose and taking her bowl to the washing basin. “It nearly killed her, it still does… Don’t tell Mama I did that, she won’t be happy.”

Carol blinked at her coffee “The earthquake. That was Therese.” She said, her knowledge growing faster than she absorbed and she thought she might have a panic attack, everything was too much, so fast, but again Rindy managed to snap her out of it. Not purposefully this time though as the bowl smashed into jagged pieces in her hands.

Carol walked over to the sink where Rindy was stood, seeing she had cut her hands from breaking the bowl. She turned on the tap, a little worried that she couldn’t see the girl’s face as she ran water over her palms, but the clear red water soon turned colourless once more as the cuts sealed. Carol stopped the tap, taking the wet hands in her dry ones to study. “I was so scared…” She heard Rindy say at barely a whisper. “They had to put her down. She didn’t wake up for a week. So I watched over you for her.”

Carol grabbed a tea towel, patting Rindy’s hands dry again. “Are you still scared?”

“Of her beast, of mine… Yes… It takes her over so frequently. It’s getting harder and harder to stop it… But you did.” Carol discarded the towel, sitting cross legged on the floor and Rindy joined her.

“I thought that we were going to die the other day. Or that at least I would anyway. I thought I was going to drown in her arms as she looked at me like I had looked at her a week ago. Blank, unrecognising, absent, unfeeling. She let go to the beast completely. And she managed to come back. You could too.”

“Do you think I could beat it? If it took over me?” Rindy asked, looking up at Carol with big watery blinking eyes. Powers or not those eyes could melt ice, especially when joined by the crease of her small dark brows that begged for an answer. Carol hadn’t stood a chance. She felt a rush of protectiveness consume her from the inside.

“I think you are the strongest little girl I have ever met. I think you could _destroy_ it but I think you’re even stronger than that, and deny it the ability to take over you in the first place.” Rindy smiled under the compliment, looking at Carol’s hands. Rindy remembered how her mother would talk about how they exuberated safety, and she was right. “Will it take a week for her to wake up again?”

“When we let go it is like using up every single bit of energy in our bodies. It eats through our glucose like fire on dry materials. Minerals, iron levels, all of them dissipate. You feel as though you may not even have the energy to breathe afterwards. And then there is the bleeding too. It all hurts. That’s what the IV is for. Putting all of the chemicals and minerals back into our bodies. After yesterday… We just have to wait. She’ll wake up don’t worry. And when she does I’ll hear it, no matter where we are.”

The oven chimed and Carol ignored it. Rindy knew this must all come as a shock to Carol. She knew that others needed more time to process, so she slipped out of the blonde’s gaze, taking the buns out of the oven, plating them. She helped Carol up and they ate in palpable silence until finished, Rindy finally witnessing how the egg yolk ran from inside the bun, flashing the blonde a smile that exuberated more sunlight than the yolk dripping onto the plate.

“Thank you… For breakfast. It was nice.” Rindy said rather awkwardly. Carol hadn’t said anything for a while.

“I-It’s ok Rindy… You know I think we should leave the plates. Well, we could do a couple of Therese’s chores while she is out. She wouldn’t want us sitting around downstairs eating our way through the fridge waiting for her to wake now, would she?”

Rindy beamed and Carol was filled with a sense of pride, she had heard of people being strong for their young. And that was what she was determined to do. “You know my Mama very well.”

Carol looked back down to her plate as she reminisced on the times they would sit in this kitchen upon each other’s laps, sharing food, smiling when it would inevitably get messy or they would fight for the last bite. “I love her.” The blonde said, looking back up to her love’s daughter.

“I know.” Rindy said, as if it was the most obvious thing on the planet. “Because I love her too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rindy and Carol have finally met, and like the title of this chapter, it will literally be a waiting game. Well done for those that expected some Rindy and Carol time, and i think that R+C time is quite important actually because with only 3 chapters left after this there's only so much time they can really spend together when the connection between them is usually so strong in fics as it was in the movie and book. Obviously Carol gives up everything for Rindy. Even herself at points. She hands her identity over until she sees its actually causing more harm than being who she truly is. But in this instance, with Rindy being Therese's child, its all about finding and exploring this bond between them which seems to be so easy and comfortable, which it should be. 
> 
> Anyway i really also wanted to highlight how hard these months have been for Rindy and you'll see a little bit more about that next chapter, because we have been so focused on Carol and Therese that we don't even think about the reprecussions for her. She has her own scars. Her own terrors. Rindy is also quite mature, she had to grow up so quickly, she was born an adult and raised as one because of the Panel.
> 
> Thanks all for reading and i hope to see you down below :)
> 
> 5c x


	42. Falling Leaves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry for the wait, kill me after reading ;)

**Day 5**

_After breakfast, oddly enough the first thing Rindy wanted to do was go for a walk. By a walk I didn’t realise how far she wanted to go. We walked for hours, mostly in silence, but I learnt that Rindy had been kept in captivity her whole life, and that pointing out different species of bird and the uses of the different crops meant so much more to her than anything that could be taught purely for survival reasons. She has this ridiculous thirst for knowledge. And when we got back she just wandered off. I was worried out of my mind but Dannie explained that she does this sometimes and is one of the two apex predators around here so I shouldn’t worry, although I do._

///

**Day 7**

_She doesn’t inherit her mother’s terrible instinctual cooking that’s for sure. But instead of sitting with everyone else at the farm house, Rindy, Dannie and I eat in Therese’s room. Rindy is more comfortable when there are less people about._

_Therese looks a little less sickly now. Her cheeks are hollowing but she is regaining some colour to them, but that might just be me, hoping, for anything, any sort of sign._

///

**Day 9**

“Are you sure?” Rindy frowned looking down the game and then back up to Carol. “I don’t think this is a good idea Carol.”

“I’m positive. Why are you scared you’re going to lose?” Carol pondered watching the girl’s face stay calm.

“No. It’s just I know I’m going to win.” Carol rolled her eyes.

“Well, I guess we will have to play and see. And if I lose, then I will lose gracefully. Even if the playing field is a little… distorted.” Carol smiled, but it was replaced with confusion as Rindy scampered out of the room. She heard a few clatters before the girl came back in with a rather large syringe filled with a clear red liquid. “What are you- ‘All’ above, Rindy?!” She said, her eyes widening as the girl slid the needle into her neck, injecting herself.

“It’s damper fluid. It takes away my strength, my abilities and powers… well it dampens them anyway. I thought I would even the playing field.” She said putting the empty vial to the side.

Carol vaguely remembered Arthur offering Therese a similar syringe once. “O-Ok…” Carol said, thinking that she was going to have to get used to all this crazy stuff she had missed out on. “So it makes you… human?”

“Sort of. You know how Ma was strangely strong and smart before you went to the Centre?” Carol nodded. “Yeah, it’s kind of like that. It takes our powers and suppresses them to a more human level, which is good for you since we are playing a game based on tactics and just by looking at your eyes as they looked around the board I knew you are going to move your knight first.” Carol blinked unbelievably. “I can’t read your mind or anything but picking up on body signals was something I was trained to do since I could _see_ really.”

“Alright… ok I think I understand.”

“Do you? If I had my powers I could listen to your heartbeat and see if you were lying but I don’t, which makes reading people harder…” Carol studied the girl’s formality as Rindy looked to the pieces and made her first move. “People outside of the centre don’t mean what they say a lot of the time. It’s very confusing and doesn’t help at all. I think that’s the most frustrating thing about being out.”

Carol moved her piece. “What do you mean?”

“So, the other day Dannie turned to me and tells Ma and I to ‘hit the road’. But then he got in his car. And the other day when he said it was raining by the bucket, it was raining everywhere, and the bucket was indoors in the stables. Mama say these things are sayings… but… but I just wish I understood them. Some are so random.” Rindy said rolling her eyes and moving her next piece.

“Don’t worry you’ll get the hang of it.” Carol smiled. “The more you hear them the more you’ll learn. And you’re a fast learner.”

“Well…” Rindy said watching Carol move her piece. “I hope so. Talking to new people is… difficult. I don’t know what to say. How to act. I usually stick to silence. I’m still trying to talk to Phil and Jen, but it’s hard with new people.” Rindy knew she would win the game in the next few moves.

“Well you’re talking to me just fine. And we only met the other day.” The blonde looked at the board quizzically. She had no idea what the girl was doing as all her moves seemed random and quickly deducted that she was going to lose the game but made her move anyway.

“We only _met_ a few days ago, but I’ve known you as long as I have known Ma.” Rindy said, thinking over her next game play, not missing the look on Carol’s face that urged her to go on. “When I met Ma, first she thought I was some sort of animal. When in reality Arthur had ordered a new experiment on me. I thought nothing of it. But this one… They had to strap me to the bed for days as the effects wore on. I thought I would die. A couple of the soldiers used to torment me, one of them in particular.”

“Goodness… Rindy, I’m so sorry.” Carol said, missing Rindy making her move.

“Don’t be. I broke out and chased them down, killing anyone in the way to get to the people who had hurt me. I found them. And I ripped out his larynx.” Carol blinked, stunned as Rindy looked to her gesturing to the board. “It’s your turn.”

“Oh.” Sometimes she forgot that as cute and docile as Rindy was, she could be lethal. But when she looked at the girl who looked wistfully over her pieces she just saw a child. A child who needed emotion, acceptance, attention, love.

“Anyway, I heard someone shout at me and I turned around and there was Mama. She was different to anyone else I’d ever met. She told me to shoot her. I did, and she healed just like I did… I’d never seen anyone like me before. I stayed with her that night, and every night since that night. And just before bed we would talk of life away from the Centre. What the outside was like.” Rindy’s eyes flickered as Carol made her move. “And then came the stories of you.”

Carol’s eyebrows shot up. “Of me?”

“Yes. You found my mother first. She said you were very brave and bold. You tilt your head back when you laugh truthfully. You sometimes like to use a look to say something instead of saying it aloud. You made a polymer which got you promoted in your section and now work in a furniture store with your friend Genevieve Cantrell, mated to your lifelong friend Abigail Gerhard who only lives five minutes down the road from you. You were mated to Harge, my sparring partner, for a little while in the past-”

Carol choked on air, snapping out of her perpetual state of shock as Rindy read out her life story from memory. “I’m sorry did you say Harge? As in-”

“Hargess Aird.” Rindy stated. “I kind of miss him. He called me Rindy when the rest called me 71N4Y. We used to pull our punches and make assault course races, he’d ask me how my day was, teach me new moves and fighting strategies.”

Carol was having a hard time absorbing again, all she saw around her old life was deceit and lies all carefully placed on her paper thin memory. “Harge… he knew this entire time? I was the only one in the dark? That’s… that’s how he got the letter.”

“Yes, Mama slipped it to him one training session… you know I nearly killed him the night I met Ma, he was one of the people trying to stop me on my…” She took a deep breath, almost shamefully. “…rampage but Therese saved him. Threw me away from his direction. Let him go…” Rindy made her last move. “Checkmate.” She smiled as she looked up only to see Carol staring at the floor. She didn’t know what to do. “Are you alright?” She asked.

Carol cleared her throat turning her wavering attention back to the game. “Yes. Yes, of course, honestly I’m fin-”

“Lie.” Rindy frowned as she studied the blonde.

The blonde shook her head in disbelief. “I thought you had taken a damper.”

“I have but you said yes twice, enforced it by saying ‘of course’ and felt the need to enforce that with the superlative ‘honestly’. You’re clearly lying.” She said plainly like it was the most obvious thing. “Don’t lie.”

She subsided. “Ok, I’m not fine. I’m… angry.”

“Why?” Rindy wouldn’t relent, but also didn’t know she needed to.

Carol felt like lying would get her nowhere and brushing it off would just cause more questions. “Because, I feel like my life for the past year or so has been a lie, created by Therese and woven by all the people who I thought were friends of mine.” She said genuinely.

“It has been. My mother made a choice that should have been yours from the beginning and thanks to that choice, you have been living in a lie, begging for help from your friends while you drowned in your own confusion. And in fear of making the matters worse your friends let you drown knowing you came above the surface just enough to live. Well I say live. Mama says existing is different to living.”

Carol could barely comprehend how Rindy was so far beyond her years. “You’re completely right.”

“And now, you feel confused and as if all this information is hard to take on. That my mother and I are technically murders and it pains you because you’re in love with one. Plus you feel hurt due to all of the people in your life that have been perpetuating this lie. You have a right to be angry. Furious even. But my mother loves you too much to let you go again, so you have to express that anger to move on.”

 _She’s right._ “I guess…” She said, looking at their game seeing no way out of this checkmate. “Ok, now I don’t see how you won so quickly. Rematch?”

“Sure.” Rindy said picking up the pieces and moving them back into place. Carol had never met anyone quite like Rindy before.

///

**Day 12**

“Rindy what on earth is that?”

“This morning, while you slept, I made a punching man.” Rindy said panting, as she stopped her morning routine on the man made from hay and wood.

Carol looked the makeshift hay man up and down. “You made a punching _man_?”

Rindy frowned. “Don’t you like him?” She said taking Carol’s shocked face, from the brutality she had attacked the hay man with, as disgust.

“No, no. I do. And I’m not lying. Listen.” She watched Rindy stop for a second as she said that she liked him. The girl nodded, hearing no irregularities, and Carol carried on. “I just don’t understand the _need_ for a punching man.”

“Scream.” Rindy said quite seriously. Carol raised her eyebrows. “Do it. It feels good.” Carol let out a feeble yelp. “That was pathetic.”

“Hey, don’t be rude.”

“I’m sorry. But, really scream this time. Like this. ARGGGGGGHHHHH!” After Rindy had stop yelling at the man she looked to Carol getting her breath back. “See?!” She said beaming. Carol had never seen anything cuter.

“GAHHHH!” She tried.

“Do it again. But feel it.”

“Feel it?”

“Feel who you’re yelling at.” Carol raised an eyebrow, a wicked thought consuming her before reaching up and touching the hay punching man watching Rindy burst into a fit of giggles. “No, don’t feel _him_!” She laughed.

“What not even like this?” She said hugging it, watching Rindy laugh harder shaking her head. “Or this?” She said jumping on its back. She got off when the laughter died down, her eyes never leaving the little girl whose happiness seemed to spark something primal within her. 

“No you have to feel it inside. So the person you’re screaming at is embodied… Go ahead.”

“So I picture the person.” Rindy nodded. “And then just scream?”

“Or shout. I doesn’t matter. It’s getting it off your chest that does.”

“Ok…” Carol stood there rather awkwardly for a moment as she felt Rindy’s eyes on her in anticipation. She screamed once more. And then again, and again until her lungs burnt and her throat was raw.

Carol came to an abrupt stop, regaining her breath, looking down at herself, only coming back to her senses and wiping the tears from her face. “Are you angry at her?”

There was no need to specify who ‘her’ was. But she chose the easy way out of the question. “No.”

“Lie.”

“Yes… Yes, I’m angry, because we should have worked it out together. And instead she drugged me and took away my memories. We could have thought of something but, she kept me in the dark. She allowed me to live on the outside with no recollection of her but feeling empty. Hollow. Each day I thought I would just drift away into the wind. But now. Now that I know what has happened, I feel awful for still being angry at her… because she went through all that pain to keep me alive, not knowing that her torture was just allowing mine to go on. And I guess that’s what I’m angry at the most. That _I’m_ still angry at _her_ for doing the only thing she could think of to keep _me_ safe…”

“She feels guilty you know. She blames herself. But know that this is Arthur’s fault too. He threatened you every day. He sent Ma footage of you being watched. He forced her into making a decision she wasn’t ready to make. He is to blame as well.”

Carol still hadn’t looked up, but Rindy could see each tear fall from her face and hit the hay, and then another, and another. She didn’t really know what to do as Carol cried with abandon.

Rindy placed a hand on Carol’s shoulder, rubbing it lightly, knowing she hadn’t taken a damper that day. She continued to rub in ovals until the blonde turned to her rather quickly, pulling her into a tight embrace, burying her face into the girl’s neck. Every muscle in Rindy tensed, she had never been this close to anyone but her mother, and though she and Carol talked more and more every day they hadn’t been this physically close either. After a while when Rindy realised that Carol wasn’t going to let go anytime soon she relaxed into it.

She brought up her hands slowly and then wrapped them around the older woman. “Don’t worry. I’m angry at her too… If you weren’t there, I don’t know if I could have stopped her… and then who would I have?”

“She would have come back for you I know it.” Carol said with conviction pulling the girl in tighter. “And me. You will always have me Rindy.”

Rindy was silent for a while as they stood still. After a few minutes more Carol stood turning away to go back to the house only to be stopped in her tracks by two strong arms grasping at her waist tightly. “Promise?”

 _Promise?_ Carol thought. She looked back on the small girl who had buried her head into the small of her back as she refused to let go or even look at Carol scared of the answer she would receive. But Rindy felt a hand in her hair that caressed softly and a reassuring voice say with conviction. “I promise.”

///

**Day 15**

“Hey! C’mon I have something to show you!” Rindy said bounding into Therese’s room where Carol sat reading to her.

“What is it?” Carol smiled.

“It’s a surprise! C’mon!” She said before she bounded out of the room. Carol gave Therese a kiss on the cheek, tucking her in and checking her IV before following Rindy downstairs and out the front door. She watched her climb in the driver’s side of Dannie’s truck and seeing her hesitation said, “Don’t worry, he said we could borrow it for the day. Get in!”

Carol obliged opening the truck door to where Rindy sat. “I’m not letting you drive though.”

“I passed my driving test when I was 4.”

“Well I passed mine at 16, now scoot over!” Rindy clambered into the passenger seat. “Thank you. Now where are we going?”

“Out by the forest, Sub 2 G.” They had a nice ride. Carol asking where Rindy had been lately. They would spend most days together but sometimes before breakfast of after dinner Rindy would go out exploring. “Stop just here.” Rindy got out grabbing something from the back of the truck before telling Carol to follow her. She did so and Carol followed the girl to a clearing in the woods. “Here we go!” Rindy said gesturing to her handy work.

“Rindy is this… a gun range?”

“Well. Kind of, just without the range of guns. You want a go?” She asked as Carol looked to all the humanoid figures carved from the cross sections of trees. “So how it works is the closer you get to the heart or to the head wins.”

“I know how a gun range works Rindy but why do you have one?” Rindy unwrapped the object in a blanket. “And where the hell did you get that gun?!”

“I stole it from the chicken farm some miles west, they have them to take care of foxes. Look it’s easy, you point, aim, shoot. Keeping a good stance obviously.” She said demonstrating.

Carol sighed pinching the bridge of her nose. “You know Rindy, stealing is wrong.”

“So is shooting foxes.” She said loading it.

“And when you tell me you have a surprise I think you’ve made a fort or you’ve found a special view… not that you built a GUN RANGE!”

“But, I haven’t used it yet, you want first go?” She said handing Carol the gun.

The blonde pushed it away. “No! Why have you built a gun range, of all things?”

“…I guess this is my happy place.”

Carol sighed rubbing her forehead. “Your happy place?”

“Yeah, I was always let out of my room for gun practice, it became kind of an escape I guess. It was really lonely in the Centre before Ma. And, and I couldn’t really do anything. It was tests, training and learning. After it all I was always thrown into my room, locked away… But if I asked to have target practice I was let out… it was my safe place. Don’t you miss things from your old life sometimes?”

Carol felt guilty, Rindy sometimes was like any other girl you would bump into on the street and Carol often forgot how she had gone through so much pain at such a young age, because Rindy was so good at hiding it. She had only opened up once or twice and both of those times she had been quite detached. “I… I guess.” She agreed, missing the secret garden at Abby’s.

Rindy took the clip out of the hand gun, placing it on the make shift table she had built. “I can take it down if you want-”

Carol rushed to say. “No… It’s ok, you can keep it, as long as you shoot _nothing_ but the targets, and we are going to have rules… _so many_ rules!”

“Ok!” Rindy beamed, reloading the gun.

“But for now, how about you show me how to shoot one?” Carol said, having no experience with guns whatsoever.

Rindy frowned unbelievingly. “You don’t know how to shoot?”

Carol shook her head. “Surprisingly enough not all of us grew up with a gun range next door, in the real world Rindy, no one owns guns bar the law enforcement and farmers, other than that you have to pass many background checks just to go to a gun range… Why don’t you show me first? Go on I want to see what you can do!”

Rindy smiled as if to say ‘watch this’ which Carol did with a gaping mouth as the bullets flew from the gun. Rindy’s face was blank and calm, as the bullets hit each target in the head repeatedly. She reloaded before aiming once more letting the rounds fly. Carol watched in disbelief as Rindy made repeated headshots, all of them passing through the same existing bullet hole.

“‘All’ above…” Rindy finally used the clip putting the gun down before turning to the shell shocked blonde.

“You see? Cool huh? You know I might get-” Rindy stopped looking into the distance, her eyes growing into an all-consuming black. She could hear Carol’s heartbeat quicken as Rindy’s eyes reminded her of Therese’s that night.

“Rindy, calm down… Ok… It’s alright, there’s no one here. It’s just you and me.” The girl didn’t move. She just stayed still, her ears twitching. “Rindy it’s Carol. Can you hear me, sweetheart?” Still nothing. “Rindy!” And then the girl’s head snapped round to her.

“Are you ready?” She asked, and with no context Carol understood immediately.

“Yes.” She said truthfully. And then she heard it, the speeding of bare feet against the dirt, getting closer and closer, until she felt a rush of air. She saw the leaves fly up around her and her blonde hair whistle in the wind before settling again. Lastly she felt hot panting breaths crash against the back of her head and rush over her scalp.

“13?” Carol heard a raspy voice behind her say, the words ricocheting from her ear drums, throughout her body making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as her skin rippled in goose bumps. Therese saw the blonde’s skin terrain change. She saw how each blonde hair reflected in the light.

She brushed it away off of her neck and over her shoulder, making Carol jump in the process. She was terrified. But her fear soon left her when she felt two arms wrap around her waist tightly, soft enough to allow her to breathe but tight enough to ground her. She saw a fuzz of brunette in her peripheral vision as she looked down to the hands that clawed at her and felt a head rest in the crook of her neck ever so slowly.

The blonde let out her first breath and then another, and the movement seemed to spur them both on further. Therese’s hands clawed at her lover’s more with each passing second and Carol caught them with hers to entwine their fingers. She felt lips descend on her neck, kissing so hard it was bruising, and she arch her neck to encourage more, anything to prove it was all real.

The blonde squeezed Therese’s hands which were now trembling in hers, no matter how hard she tried to still them, they shook violently, and then she felt the body, so firmly pressed up against hers fall. She heard the crackle of leaves as Therese’s knee’s hit the ground and the staccato gasp on impact.

“Angel?” She asked as Therese rested her head in the small of the blonde’s back, wetting her t-shirt with tears.

“I-I…” Therese tried but nothing would come out, she just clung to Carol harder as she cried, not daring to open her eyes in case she disappeared from her forever. Carol opened her own eyes at this point, seeing Rindy first who was looking down at her gun, but she soon felt Carol’s watery stare.

The girl simply nodded before setting off at a sprint. The blonde still couldn’t see her lover, all she could see were the hands tearing at her t-shirt trying to hold on for dear life. “Angel.” She said more clearly this time, only hearing the sobs of her lover increase in volume behind her.

Carol couldn’t take it anymore, the sounds of pain breaking her heart, so she pulled the hands that refused to let her go, away from her torso slightly so she could turn 180 degrees before they wrapped around her once more.

Therese buried her head into Carol’s stomach, even though the blonde’s hand urged her up she refused shaking her head slightly as she tried to speak. And once she got the first words out she couldn’t seem to stop. “I… I-I’m s-so… s-sorry… I’m s-so sorry Carol… I tried so har-hard, and I failed. I’m sorry I s-s-sent you away, I was j-just trying to prote-tect you. I promise. I d-d-didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want anyone to hurt you.”

“Therese.” Hearing her name fall from Carol’s lips was like bursting through barrier to the thoughts that had been circling through the brunette’s mind for years.

“I’m sorry I sent you away. I was trying my best. All I’ve ever done is try my best to protect you but I-I-I love you so much… I thought of you every day. Every single day, I thought of you and I missed you, and I loved you. But when I got out… you couldn’t even see me… it was all my fault I did that to you. I was as bad as Arthur, I took away your choice. I was selfish and I’m so, so sorry…”

Carol looked up breathing shakily as she swallowed the information, breathing if her lungs were tied up in rope which tightened with each breath, r as the leaves that had surrounded them on the forest floor were now raising up into the air, floating beautifully, each one reflecting light just so. She thought this might be what Therese’s emotions looked like physically, like leaves suspended in air, waiting for an external force to either pull them up into the sky towards the sun, or to be crumpled as they were dragged back down to the earth, their bodies disintegrating. She looked down at her love as the speech that had been muffled into her body had sparked even more tears. Now she knew why Therese was on her knees and clutching her so tightly.

She was begging for forgiveness.

The blonde let her hands run over Therese’s buzzed hair, each short strand moving slightly in a way behind her palms and fingers. Yet the more she urged those shockingly green eyes to look up at her the more Therese’s face buried into her shirt which she was staining with tears. “Therese.” She said once more and she felt nails dig into her back. “Look at me darling…”

“I can’t…” The brunette whispered. Too terrified of what emotion she would see sprawled along Carol’s perfect features.

She felt her hiding place shift away from her as Carol sat with her amongst the few leaves that were left on the ground, her hands moving down to her face as she did. Therese kept her eyes closed as she felt thumb familiarly wipe tears from branching down her cheeks, their light touch contrasting Therese’s internal turmoil.

Carol looked upon her angel. She studied the way her lips quivered, the pink hue of her face, the way her eyebrows struggled to keep their frown of anticipation still and the tear drops trapped between her lashes. She would do anything to see those dimples right now. “Look at me, Therese.” She insisted and she heard the brunette sniffle, trying to calm her breathing. And then her eyes opened.

They met her own straight away. Everything had changed about Therese, apart from those big green eyes, which looked at her exactly the same. Therese’s eyes were the windows to her soul. They let Carol know everything she needed to whenever she needed to. And right now they were bombarding her with information, with guilt and loss, suffering and heartache, but in the small flecks. The small flecks of light that dance in her iris’ she saw thankfulness, longing and love. She saw an entire future between them which could branch so many ways until they dissipated into the black abyss of her pupils.

She watched the whites of her eyes begin to tinge red, but Therese blinked and the red tear drop fell. She knew, from Rindy, it was from using her powers, but this drop was beautiful in the way it adorned Therese’s pale skin with a streak of crimson. She let it fall, and didn’t catch it. And as it hit the ground below their unwavering eyesight Carol spoke. “I forgive you.” She said.

First there was nothing and then it was like lightening, the speed at which Therese moved. One minute she had been taking in the three words Carol had said, which hit her like exploding whispers, and the next she found herself being thrown into the blonde's embrace, holding Carol tightly as she allowed herself to breathe before kissing her love hard, pulling their bodies closer.

She felt Carol hold her even harder as she melted into the kiss, her hands clinging to her own body, supporting and needing her at the same time.

They were so lost, they didn’t even realise the leaves swirling up around them both, creating a fluttering cocoon that spiralled into the air, congregating together before exploding when Carol opened her mouth to kiss Therese deeper.

They fluttered to the ground in a symphony, catching in the breeze, dancing in the light before resting to the ground once more, their crackling edges creating music with the floor as they stopped still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "At last, my love has come along, my lonely days are over, and life is like a song."
> 
> I'll see you down below - 5c x


	43. Heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As if this is the penultimate chapter.

The blonde’s thumb brushed over the lips she had been staring at, studying, feeling the warm breaths crash in waves for the past few hours, memorising each valley in the flesh. “Carol I’m scared.” Therese whispered, as she lay facing her lover, their bodies entangled upon the sheets, her fingers tracing over the blonde’s scalp.

“Why?” She whispered back.

Therese sighed, relaxing further into the embrace. “Because she hasn’t come to see me yet.”

“She’s your daughter. You have no reason to be scared.”

“I know but-”

“And Rindy sometimes doesn’t come back for hours at a time, but she is always home for dinner…” She saw the worry lines on Therese’s face. “Don’t worry… Dannie always says she’s like her mother. Aloof until she smells food.”

Therese smiled. “What do you think of her?” She asked worrying her lip, noticing the small scar on Carol’s.

“I think she is magnificent. Although you’re going to able to keep a better eye on her than I am, apparently she’s been breaking into the chicken farm out west, but apart from that small blip, she’s angelic. It’s odd, it’s like there’s this weird connection between us, and I feel like I understand her, even though I’m just scratching the surface.” She felt Therese sigh in relief. “I love her already.”

“You do?” Therese asked, she knew this wasn’t an easy thing to say.

“Yes… I do. How could I not? She is just like you.” Carol said leaning forward to kiss her lover softly before leaning back to rest into her pillow once more. “Plus she has great aim.” Therese laughed and it was Carol’s turn to sigh in relief. It had been so long since she had heard that sound. It had been so long since Therese had either, it almost sounded a little alien. “You’ve been asleep so long you haven’t eaten in weeks, I should make dinner, plus the scent might draw her in. She loves the countryside.”

“I know… She always used to dream of it, I remember our first couple of days out, she was obsessed. I don’t blame her… She grew up worse than I did.” Therese said her eyesight wandering before snapping back to Carol, wanting to see something that made her warmer than the cold regretful memories. “How long was I out?”

“About 2 weeks. And in those weeks I have been… digesting information, talking to Rindy…”

“You haven’t spoken to Abby?” Therese thought that might be one of the first things the blonde would do. “I mean you ditched her car in a lake.”

“No… No I haven’t, I’ve been ignoring her calls. But I might. I… I don’t know… Right now I barely know what to cook for lunch.” She said, her hands never stilling as she brushed Therese’s hair. “How about we change, go downstairs and eat. I’m sure Dannie would like to know you’re up, and I know Rindy wants to talk to you.”

Therese wanted to lay in this bed with Carol forever, nothing else. But she knew now she had all the time in the world. “Has she said anything to you?”

“She’s angry… if I wasn’t alive that night that you may have left for good. Let the beast take over… She’s scared you’ll leave.” Carol sat up, swinging her legs off the bed to walk to the wardrobe, but a hand reached out to her, catching her weakly. When they had first returned to the room, Carol had found many nutrient drip bags punctured and drained, Therese had guzzled them all so she could run out and find her, but it had been an emotionally tiring day, and the packs didn’t help with that. “Don’t worry.” Carol reassured her. “I’m just changing.” Therese pulled her closer, kissing her wrist delicately before letting her go to change by the wardrobe.

The blonde pulled open two of the doors, each with mirrors on the inside, finding a comfortable black tank before pulling off her own shirt. It was only when she heard Therese’s gasp behind her that she realised she had made a mistake.

She had been so wrapped up in love and safety that she had forgotten about all the bruises that adorned the contours of her back, sides and shoulders. They were on the verge of fading into her skin but she was stupid for letting Therese see them in the first place. She turned to her love who was tearing up. She neared but Therese held out her hands, making her stop. “Therese, I don’t want you to wor-”

“Did I do these?” She said pointing to the bruises around Carol’s ribs.

“No… No-”

“You’re lying.” Carol sighed frustratingly, the inability to lie around Therese and Rindy was infuriating, especially when she thought it was for their own good. “Take off your trousers, Carol.” Therese said swallowing.

“Angel.”

“Take them off, please.” She insisted, her body language saying that she wouldn’t budge on this subject. Carol sighed, reluctantly letting the top fall from her hand to the floor before taking off her trousers, folding them onto the side of a chair. When she looked back Therese had a hand clamped over her mouth. The blonde had a few cuts and fading bruises littered over her legs, it was even worse on the backs which were reflected along with her face of horror in the mirror.

“Look.” Carol began. “It was by the lake. When we flew out and hit the beach. It wasn’t you it was the impact.” She tried to reason, but the look on Therese’s face told her it hadn’t got through the self-hatred.

“Can’t you see I’m dangerous Carol? Can’t you see that I can maybe save you from everything apart from myself?” She sighed, burying her face in her hands, only to be haunted by the same sight.

Carol looked down at herself briefly before looking back to the woman on the bed. “I don’t care Therese.”

“You may not…” She said looking up. “But I do.”

The answer to all of this was simple for Carol. “I know you’ll never hurt me.”

There was a brief silence, but all of a sudden Therese stood, walking towards Carol until they were only a few inches apart. “Do you? You know that for sure?” She allowed her eyes to grow black, so Carol couldn’t search the safety in the green as she always did.

The blonde was thrown off. Whenever Therese’s eyes were like this, it was like she couldn’t see into Therese anymore, and it scared her. But she was adamant. “Y-Yes.” She said going with her heart.

Therese looked at the bruises that peppered Carol once more. “I nearly drowned you in that lake. I threw you at the beach. I didn’t even have to try Carol. I threw that table in the middle of the city.”

Carol stepped back and for a moment, Therese feared that Carol would agree with her, when in actual fact she just need air. “That was out of pain. And you will never feel like that again. I’m here now and I’m never leaving.”

Therese closed the gap once more. “Carol, I’m a killer - I’m barely human - I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Carol was tired of this conversation. She had spent the past 15 days contemplating. She had thought this through. And she understood what she was getting at but for Therese to think there was a possibility of her leaving after all of this was offensive. So she decided to give it to her straight. “If you sent me away… _again_ … I would die without you. I would make sure of it. There is nothing in this life for me, Therese, but you.”

It was Therese’s turn to take a step back. She let the darkness seep back into her pupils as she did. “Don’t say things like that.”

“I would. Why deny it? I can’t go through that again Therese. You have taken away my choice once before. Don’t take away this one.” She said hardening her jaw. She knew this would come up at one point or another. Therese was testing her, the darkening of her eyes, the close proximity. All of it. But it was all an act. And Carol knew that, because she also knew Therese would never hurt her.

“I’m just scared, Carol.” Therese broke, breathing more heavily. “I mean look at you.” She said gesturing to the mirrors. Carol looked momentarily before looking back.

“Yes, look at me. Here. Safe. With you, _loving_ you. Free. In your arms. Where I feel, and am, safest.” She took her angel’s hands placing them on her neck. “I trust you, Therese, just trust me when I say you could never hurt me.”

“I trust you.” Therese breathed, trailing her hands down Carol’s sides to her waist.

“Ok?” Therese nodded, inhaling and exhaling. “Ok. Now let’s change and make dinner. We have to talk to Rindy, alright?” She said lifting the brunette’s chin with her finger.

“Alright…” She said nuzzling Carol’s hand with her face to open it up like a blooming flower and kiss her palm.

Carol smiled at the small gesture before turning back around to the wardrobe, bending down to pick up Therese’s shirt which she was about to slip on. “What?” She asked, spotting Therese staring at her in the mirror. “What is it?”

“I thought, every day in that living hell, I had remembered every single part of you. But you are more beautiful than my mind is able to comprehend.” She said looking the blonde in awe, taking in every shadow and contour. Carol smiled at the floor to hide her blush. “You are so beautiful, Carol.” Therese said walking up behind her. “And if you really do trust me…”

“Implicitly.” Carol said as she was turned by the waist, her top in hand as Therese fiddled with the ring on her other one.

“A year ago, on your birthday, I wrote in my journal that if I was around for your 26th I would ask you to mate me…” Carol gasped. That could have been her life. She wondered where they would be now, but banished the thoughts because all she needed and wanted was every moment from that day forward to be filled with one another. “I spent more than 492 days without you Carol, and I refuse to spend another the same way.” Therese lowered to one knee, slipping off the blonde’s ring as she did so, determined to do this properly. “Carol, will you-”

“Yes…” Therese was speechless for a moment. “I’m sorry, finish your question…” Carol said, unbearably happy.

Therese smiled at their ridiculousness. She began once more. “Carol will you mate m-“

“Yes!” She screamed leaping on the brunette, taking her to the floor, straddling her waist as they kissed. They could hardly keep their lips together as they grinned goofily even though their brows crinkled with incredibility and eyes teared with emotion, their noses nuzzling as the blonde nodded into her. By the time the excitement had worn off the passion had awoken and very soon they were kissing addictively on the floor. “I missed kissing you.” Carol panted out of breath, resting her head against her lover’s.

“I missed kissing you too. One more to get me through the day.” Therese said leaning up for another, but she was met with a finger pressed to her lips.

“I don’t know…. I’m a mated woman now.” Carol teased.

“I’m sure they won’t mind. Actually I know they won’t.” She said, stealing a few more, the gentle banter between them almost too real to be true. “Where did you get this?” She asked, brushing over the scar on Carol’s lip with her thumb.

“I got it just before I remembered you. I hit myself in the face with a drawer.”

Therese frowned. “I’m going to need some context.”

“Well, when you left that day I broke down… I was checked into a psych ward for an overnight stay and surveillance. When I left my mind was haunting me with you. Everywhere I looked you were there. Anyway I was cleaning my house came across a locked drawer and was terrified of whatever was in it. When I ended up yanking it out, it flew up and hit me in the lip. I broke it open and out fell my journal, filled with a recollection of every day I spent with you. I confronted Abby. Got your letter, left for the lake, arrived and you were nowhere to be found. So I ditched the car in the lake, refusing to go back to the city without you, whether or not you were at the lake cabin or not, and well… you know from there.”

“You… y-you spent a night in a psychiatric ward?” Therese said, hating herself for putting Carol there.

“Yeah well…It wasn’t my first time there.” Carol said, shrugging it off, getting up to put on her top and find a pair of shorts. The fact it was no longer a big deal to the blonde spoke volumes.

“I’m sorry. I went about that day all wrong it’s… I was desperate.” Therese said truthfully.

“It’s ok…” The blonde said over her shoulder as she put on shorts.

“No it’s not… I want to know… I want to know everything. I watched from a far. CCTV footage, blurry photos, hidden cameras… but the Panel kept footage from me. I…I didn’t see the time spent in the psych wards…” Carol turned to Therese who was now standing. “Did it ever get worse than that?”

“I wish I could say it didn’t but you’d know I was lying.” Therese sighed, realising what Carol was saying without really saying it. “I nearly died, Therese…”

The brunette squirmed in guilt. “In the hay barn? I know-”

“And on my sofa when I would drink myself blind. In my bed when I would wonder if life was really worth living. After I broke up with Mae, laid in my bathtub. Naked, alone, bruised, drunk, drugged… It wasn’t pretty but Abby found me in time.”

“Carol.”

“There were the nightmares. The therapists, the depression.” Therese stared at Carol’s face. “The relationships, the work, the mental breakdowns.” It was blank and detached. “The triggers and drinking and emptiness. It was my own type of hell.” Like she couldn’t connect emotion to it or everything would be too much.

She watched Carol refold some laundry. “If I’d known I would have gotten you sooner.”

“What did you expect?!” Carol exasperated, throwing aside the item of clothing. “I begged you to let me stay Therese. I told you what would happen if you made me leave.”

Therese could see the pain behind her mate’s eyes. “I thought without the memory of me-”

“Well, you thought wrong. A-And you know that was the worst part… Not knowing. I felt depressed and psychotic and mentally unstable. I felt like shit every single day, living day in and out wondering what was wrong with me. What went wrong? What did I _lose_? … I lost _you_ … _We_ went wrong…”She said, her voice breaking as tears began to fall. She clasped a hand over her mouth, hating the swirling feelings inside. The anger, the euphoria, the guilt.

There was a tense pregnant pause. “I don’t know what to say. I made a mistake sending you away. I did. But know if I had any idea I would have gotten out of there and come have gotten you.”

“No you wouldn’t have. Not without Lancelot rebelling.” Carol said, turning back to her folding shaking her head.

Therese frowned, wondering how Carol could think such a thing, so she grabbed her wrist. “Yes I would. I love you, Carol.” She said their eyes connecting in the mirror.

“And I love you too, but you have Rindy now, and you love her as well, and I know that. I’m not jealous that you love Rindy, I’m so happy you have her because she is so special… But you aren’t the only one who can tell when the other is lying.” Carol said, her eyes fluttering back down to her task.

Therese couldn’t lie. “You’re right… I do love Rindy, but I was planning to break out. I promise. The day you felt the earthquake I had watched one of your therapy sessions… and, I broke. I had never used that power before. It takes raw emotion as an energy source. When I came around after that time, knowing that they were going to use you, and you were going through such a horrific experience outside… I _was_ coming to get you Carol.”

“And … at the furniture store?” Carol asked.

“At the furniture store… the first time it was to see if it would jog anything… you will never know how it felt to stare at someone you love and see a shell of them looking back. But _I_ will never know how it feels to look at a person, and have a familiarity to them but no memories. That day was …hard… but the second was torture… I just snapped. I wanted you so badly. I had gone through day after day, dreaming of you. And when I got you, I had lost you from my own stupidity.”

“And the lake?” It was their first real meeting, and Carol’s first time witnessing the true power of Therese.

“I… I thought you were dead… I couldn’t live with that. Everything, good or bad, has been centred on protecting you. Whether you believe me or not every single decision I make, it is done in your best interest. I gave in to the beast entirely to summon the strength to pull that car up from the bottom of the lake but when it was empty... I was on an infinite power cell, as I was angry at the entire world… I was determined to tear it apart, and when you showed up it took every ounce of strength to regain control again… You brought me back… even though I had put you through all this shit.”

“We are both not entirely to blame, however.” Carol said remembering Rindy’s words. “None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for Robichek’s experiments, and Arthur’s god complex.”

Therese still recoiled at their names. “Yes, but then I wouldn’t be alive to love you.” She said choosing to be the optimist. No matter what shit they had been through, it had all been for one reason. For these moments they shared and would share. Therese was determined not to waste them.

“I’m sor-“

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She said cutting Carol’s attempted apology off.

“No I was horrible just then, I didn’t mean for it to all come out like that but it just did. I meant it when I said I forgive you. I don’t want to spend one more moment being in Arthur’s web, and I don’t want to spend another minute hating myself for being mad at you. I’ve had 2 weeks to talk it out, but I know I don’t ever want to let you go ever again.”

“I’m sorry too.” Therese said sitting on the edge of the bed, using her powers to pull Carol gently towards her to stand between her legs. “For it all. And I forgive you.”

“Promise me you’ll never push me away again.” Carol leant forward resting her head on top of Therese’s.

“I promise.” The brunette whispered as the blonde kissed her head.

“I mean it Therese.” She said pulling back. “I don’t think I could survive it a second time around. I barely did the first.”

“I mean it too. I swear on my life. I swear on Rindy’s. I will never…” She began kissing her shoulder. “Ever…” She kissed the crook of the blonde’s neck as she lowered onto her lap.  “Push you away. I want you right here at all times, until we die of old age.”

“Old age? Doesn’t it sound perfect?” Carol dreamt.

“It does sound pretty amazing. Will you still love me when objects randomly float? When I beat you at every game?” Therese smirked, but Carol kissed it right off until the brunette was breathless.

“I will dance amongst the objects and lose with grace…” She smiled. “Will you still love me when I won’t have the strength to climb stairs? When I can’t get out of bed?” She said, pulling back to look Therese in the eye.

It was Therese’s turn for happiness to pull at the corners of her mouth. “I will carry your body when you can’t for the rest of our lives.” She stood, Carol now weighed nothing to her.

“I want to go to the kitchen…” Carol whispered closing in on Therese’s lips, and as they made contact she felt their bodies move towards the door to head to the kitchen.

///

Phil, Therese and Carol ate dinner peacefully, the blonde and brunette sat closely, never not touching. Carol had left the window open knowing that Rindy would smell it. And she was right, because soon enough she saw Therese’s head flicker up.

“Is she coming?” Carol asked, brushing the back of the brunette’s head. Therese nodded in response, wiping her mouth before leaving through the front door.

Carol looked to Phil who merely shrugged so she followed the brunette out. When she pushed through the door and the screen she saw the mother and daughter having a heated argument at the end of the driveway, and all of a sudden Therese went flying straight into the woodland smack into a tree. “RINDY!” Carol shouted, gaining the girl’s attention. The darkness in her eyes retracted for a moment but before she knew it a tree came hurtling from above, but Rindy caught it, only to have Therese tackle her from beneath it.

Carol could barely watch as the fight ensued and Phil merely stepped out onto the porch with his mug of tea. “Yeah, I reacted like that the first time I saw them argue. Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t happen very often at all but with Rindy’s transitioning and her change from imprisonment to freedom, it oddly comforts her to have a few things from her time inside, you forget that’s all she was ever used to. Sparring… Number 1.”

“You call that sparring?” Carol said watching Rindy land an upper cut on her mother which pushed her into the air before using her power to smack her back down, creating a small crater around the brunette.

“Super sparring?” Phil hazard a guess, quite happy with his name before turning back to the girls. They saw Therese dodge a couple throws from Rindy, ducking a jabbing before whipping out a rapid windmill. Kicking Rindy’s feet from under her before pinning her down. The girl screamed and writhed but after a while she seemed to just shout, and finally cry.

When the girl began to sob Therese loosened her hold, embracing the young girl who held so much power within. She scooped her up with ease before heading in Carol’s direction, pulling the girl’s hood up as she walked and whispered her apologies.

Carol watched the cuts on Therese’s face and side seal as she walked towards her, and by the time they were only feet apart she was completely healed. “Is everything alright? Are you ok, Rindy?” The girl said nothing but reached away from her mother and out to Carol. The blonde looked to Therese for guidance but the brunette nodded bravely. Carol took Rindy from Therese’s arms pulling down her hood to run her nails through the short hair soothingly, holding her tightly as they walked into the house. “Darling are you ok?” She asked, nuzzling the girl to look at her as the brunette rubbed her back.

“Yes … I just want to eat, and sleep. I’m really tired Carol.” She yawned, flopping forward onto Carol’s chest.

“How about we get you some dinner and then the three of us can go to bed alright?” Rindy nodded to the blonde’s suggestion, not raising her head as she did. She had been running for miles, non-stop that day, finding more and more, exploring further and further in every direction. Her freedom being addictive, but now she was emotionally and physically drained, not having much to eat that day.

They sat quietly on the bed in Therese’s room. Rindy was sat between Carol’s legs, leaning into her as she ate her stew, but her eyes began to close and her body sag with each bite. It wasn’t long before the bowl was rested on the bed, her hands relaxed along with her body as she fell asleep into Carol.

They sat still for a moment, and Therese looked upon her dysfunctional family. She had a real one now. One to protect, and one to honour with her life. She watched as Carol kissed her daughter’s head gently wrapping around the young girl’s body to take the bowl from her hands.

She reached for the floor from the bed but she couldn’t reach far enough without disturbing the sleeping girl but the bowl was soon floating from her own hands through the air before it sat gently on the side table.

Carol looked up to the brunette, it would take her a while to get used to the impossible feats her mate was able to accomplish, but it was small acts of kindness like this that were more mesmerising than making the ground shake. Therese stood, walking to the wardrobe, pulling out a small cool box pulling two red syringes from it. She knew that both she and Rindy had nightmares, and that she would not subject Carol to them.

Therese put two fingers to her neck checking for her own vein before injecting herself, feeling her powers slip from her and exhaustion beginning to take over as the serum filled her veins. She put the syringe in a small bin that she had especially that purpose before gesturing to her daughter.

Carol nodded a little warily, a little concerned about how her love seemed to be on the verge of passing out so she wrapped her hand around Therese’s gently taking the needle from her, expressing that it was ok with her eyes before gesturing for Therese to get in bed.

The brunette swayed for a while before accepting the blonde’s help, giving her the syringe and climbing in bed. “Rindy.” Carol whispered, nudging the girl in her arms. “Rindy honey your injection.” The girl stirred tilting her head to the side. Carol felt wrong drugging the little girl that laid so peacefully upon her but she knew it was for the best.

She gave her the injection, tossing the needle in the bin before scooping up Rindy, putting her into the bed with Therese’s help, cocooned in between them. Carol pulled the covers high before slipping her arm under the covers to wrap around Therese, pulling her closer. Therese breathed. “When I slept I would see you, but you were always leaving. I was always waking up without you… What if I go to sleep now and this has all been a dream… what if I wake up in that horrible place without you?”

Carol could hear the fear in Therese’s voice breaking through against the fatigue that was trying to consume her. Therese wasn’t afraid of anything. For the entire time Carol had known her, before or after powers, Therese had only feared children. But now, seeing the anxious fright in rapture, she knew that even with all of Therese’s power, Carol was the rock, she was they earth beneath Therese’s feet, supporting her, the only thing that kept her from collapse.

The blonde could only think of one thing to reassure Therese. She began to sing. It was about a girl who sat beneath a willow tree for an hour a day, and the nature that she saw there each day. It was a lullaby that parents would sing to their children, and Carol remembered her own childhood, as the hushed notes floated through the room. And when she finished she brought her hand up to cup Therese’s face wiping away the tear that was marking her face.

“My mother used to sing me that song before I slept. It’s a children’s lullaby.” Carol said, never breaking eye contact.

“It’s beautiful, I’ve never heard it before, I’ve never really heard you sing.” Therese admitted, she fell more and more in love with Carol with each passing second.

“Exactly, you’ve never heard it before. So how could I sing a lullaby that you didn’t know? This isn’t a dream, or a nightmare Therese. You will never wake up without me.” Carol reassured her, feeling Therese’s cheeks press against her hand as she smiled. Carol had missed her dimples, and she caressed over them with her thumb which dipped along their vales perfectly.

And then Therese’s face relaxed as she slipped into sleep, her heart beat resting and eyes closing. And Carol, watched over them, she watched over her family and home knowing that she was where she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, i hope you are enjoying your ride on this emotional rollercoaster, beacuse its nearly at the end, the author thanks you dearly.
> 
> Seriously though, it is creeping me out that we are nearly at the end of this fic. It really hit me when i moved 'The Cure' file on my laptop from Unfinished work to Finished a few weeks ago. GAH!
> 
> Come talk to me down below about this chapter or any chapter you like ;)


	44. The Sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have waited 189 days for this, and it's been a whirlwind to write all 44 chapters of this (as crazy as it has been). I just couldn't ask for more faithful readers and beautiful comments. 
> 
> You've all been just as invested in this fic as I have and for that I thank you
> 
> 5c x

**Day 256**

Carol rode through the field, her body rocking with the horse as it galloped along the mud. It was a beautiful day in spring and it the crops were growing well. The sprinklers rained water upon them in the warm sun, keeping the fields hydrated. All accept one.

She pulled on the reins bringing Nutmeg to a slow stop before scouring the fields for the faulty one. She spotted it rather quickly, muttering the location to herself to remember which one it was before directing Nutmeg over to the control box. She slid from the saddle patting the panting horse, pulling an apple from the small net bag on Nutmeg’s side before feeding it to her.

“Good girl.” She rewarded as Nutmeg chomped into her apple as rubbing the sweet spot between the horses eyes. She flicked the debris off of her hand before turning to the mains, taking off a few tools from the belt on the back of the saddle.

She brought up the display finding the fault before heading to the sprinkler head. It was an easy fix and before she knew it, the crops were being drenched once more. Happy with her handy work she turned back to her horse, to see that Nutmeg was no longer alone but now stood with Hugo.

Suddenly she felt to hands of wet mud land on her abdomen, she gasped at the cold sensation as it spread through her overalls, contrasting the warm kisses on her neck as the mud travelled behind on the hands that squeezed her ass cheekily. “Let me guess, you broke the sprinkler.” Carol smiled as she looked down at her now muddy and sopping self.

“I did no such thing!” Therese gasped with mock offense. Therese felt two hands clasp around her own as Carol spun around making her arms cross over herself before the blonde’s foot landed behind her own and before she knew it she was on the ground, with her mate smirking over her. “Rindy has been teaching you too much.”

“She did no such thing!” Therese laughed reaching for Carol’s helping hand, but changing her mind at the last time, rolling them through the dirt. “I should have seen this one coming.”

Therese nodded goofily before kissing the blonde, her muddy hands placing a perfect handprints. “Yeah, you should have. Although, I didn’t break a sprinkler, trick the monitor into notifying you as the nearest person and hide in the dirt for nothing.”

“So you admit it, you broke the sprinkler to get me out here.” Carol said rolling them over so she was on top.

“I may have tampered with it a little when Rindy said she was going to Samuel’s for lunch and took off at speed. I knew you wouldn’t just drop everything to come and meet me.” Therese said leaning up to kiss the blonde but Carol put a finger to Therese’s lips just as they were about to touch.

“Because I take my job seriously, and I was going to see you at lunchtime on the hill like always. I was heading there after this.” She said seeing Therese’s eyes darken a little bit. She knew what that meant.

Therese grabbed the blonde’s ass grinding her into her. “Well, I have something else in mind, seeing as Rindy is out of hearing range. We can be as loud as we like.” The brunette took Carol’s finger into her mouth, knowing the blonde loved it when she was spontaneous.

Carol snapped out the haze, looking around at the wet mud. “I thought after the cold I got last time, we were going to leave impulsive sex for when the ground is dry?” She said teasingly. It was when both women hadn’t been able to contain themselves for a moment longer but the repercussions had meant that Carol had been in bed for 5 days with a chest cold.

But Therese had thought ahead. “That’s why I have a picnic waiting for us, in the cabin.” She offered.

“You do?” Carol raised an eyebrow as Therese leant into her, pulling the blonde closer to kiss up her neck.

She nibbled on the blonde’s earlobe before whispering in it. “And I fixed the bed.”

“You did?” The blonde caught Therese’s face, to pull her round to her eye line. “Well that seems like a tempting offer Mrs Belivet…” Carol leant in, her hands running through Therese’s messy faux hawk which was growing out and also the cutest thing to wake up to. Their lips brushed together lightly distracting the brunette just enough for Carol to climb to her feet before withdrawing from the kiss and whispering to her dazed mate. “Race ya.”

“What?!” And with that, Carol sped off down the track between the corn stalks. Therese was left flabbergasted as she watched her lover run towards their horses kicking up mud in her wake.

“No cheating either! If I see Hugo even slightly off the ground I’m with holding sex for a week!” Carol shouted behind her before climbing upon her horse, seeing Therese only just get up.

“That’s not fair!” Therese said running to Hugo. “Hey wait up!”

“YA!” Carol ordered and Nutmeg shot forward, breaking into a sprint as they flew through the side tracks heading for the lake. The route was known off by heart and it wasn’t long before she was galloping down the valley hearing a matching set of hoof beats gaining on her _._ “C’mon Nutmeg. You got this!”

“I’m not even cheating!” She heard Therese say as she gained speed alongside her.

“No but you’re getting distracted!” She watched Therese looked confused before she jerked the reins right, rushing into the short cut through the woods, hearing Therese curse behind her. The beach was in sight, and soon after it was underneath Nutmegs horse shoes as they skidded to a halt.

She dismounted quickly hearing Hugo coming to a stop. She managed to run up the steps, but when she got to the door she had to push in the key code, and by the time it swung open, Therese had wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her off of her feet. “I win!” Therese panted turning Carol in her arms before throwing her over her shoulder.

“Hey! Not true!” She said looking at the floor as Therese stepped over the nicely laid out picnic to go upstairs. They had built a nice extension, but Carol knew the only thing that lay upstairs was the bed. “I got to the beach first! I got to the cabin first I totally win. AH!” She gasped when Therese slapped her ass.

“Ok you win the battle but you don’t win the war…” She threw the blonde down onto the bed. “Because I got you to bed first.” She said watching the blonde sit up, her hair a mess from the wind.

“It seems you did.” She said whipping off her top. “Come here.” For the first couple of weeks they had stuck to long caresses and sweet kisses. They hadn’t needed sex to show each other how enamoured they were. They never had, they could do that with stolen glances however those lingering looks had no need to be concealed any longer.

One day when Rindy had taken off for a run, Carol had thought she would fix them a nice lunch and take them on the walk through the flower fields that the blonde had written so vividly in her diary. And it was in those flower fields upon the picnic blanket where their lunch lay that they had come together once more, a gentle explosion, cascading through the mountain peaks.

To say life was wonderful would be a gross understatement. Life had been eternally bright since they found one another again. Some nights were filled with tears, others nightmares, even flashbacks, but whenever they opened their eyes they had care and adoration to calm them once more.

Therese wondered how she had survived 492 days without Carol as she kissed her desperately. She thought of how long she went without her smile every day, without her hair that glimmered platinum in sunlight, without the laugh that made her heart warm and the grey eyes that shot through her like an arrow. And as she brought her hands down the contours of her back, her fingertips tracing through the silken shadows, she wondered how she survived each day without the woman she loved in her arms, kissing her softly and urging her closer.

Whereas Carol wasn’t sure how she could have forgotten this. Forgotten any of it. The way the brunette held her with such care, or how she would make little quips just to gain a smile, how she would always find a way to hold Carol if near or make each day feel even more special than the previous.

She didn’t know how she could have forgotten the way she whispered ‘I love you’ or crinkled her eyebrows when feeling that familiar knot in her stomach. She couldn’t comprehend how such a beautiful woman, whose eyes drew her into their depths with one glance, and face formed this painful pleasure as she climaxed could have been taken from her memories for so long.

Carol was spun over before she could think much further, she had been subconsciously grinding on her lover the entire time of Therese’s orgasm and now it was the brunette’s turn as she thrusted against her centre, their clits brushing teasingly. Carol was close to the edge already, her hands clawing at her angel’s hips to grind deeper into one another. She flung her head back, knowing they were both nearing.

Therese’s hands were clawing the mattress next to her head, but she quickly raised her arms to hold onto the headboard, this way she had more power behind each move of her hips. Carol could hear the creak of the bed being muffled by their guttural moans and screams of each other’s name, but the extreme tension made itself known when one of the bed legs broke, making them fall at an angle.

It wasn’t the first time, and in fact it spurred them on more, the blonde clutching Therese’s body even harder to keep herself from sliding. Therese was on the verge of coming once more but wanted to arrive with her love so gritted her teeth and drove harder into the hips below, her hand tightening on the head board as she tried to contain herself and the immense lust for the blonde writhing beneath her, until the headboard shattered in her hands, as did their resolve and they crumbled together in a fit of cries and gasps.

The nail marks in Therese’s back faded as soon as they were made and the blonde clung to the panting brunette with all of her limbs, clamping her in place as the waves washed over her, their bed a mess and bodies even messier.

Carol relaxed her hold on the brunette once her body had climbed down from its high and she had managed to open her eyes, looking towards the ceiling. Her hands travelled up Therese’s body to lace through her hair, toying with the hair at the back of her neck lovingly as the brunette contained herself.

“…Therese…” Carol panted, trying to regain her breath.

The brunette slightly turned her head into Carol’s shoulder to be heard. “Yes, 13.”

“I think we are going to have to buy a stronger bed…” She chuckled looking at the headboard the lay in pieces across their sheets.

“It’s alright, we can just fix it.” She said throwing the shard of wood that had been resting in her hand onto the floor.

“This,” Carol said gesturing to the bed which lay at an odd angle and the head board which was, if not scattered on the floor, had large cracks from the force at which Therese had gripped it. “Is beyond fixable.”

“Ok, well.” She said catching her breath. “You could get the store to ship us a carbon fibre one? It seems that even oak cannot withstand the things you make me feel.” The first time the bed had broken, Therese had been immensely guilty, but it was something about raw hot sex. She could tame it if Carol asked of course, but other times the blonde loved it when Therese let go, showing Carol how much she was holding back in the overwhelming desire to love her.

“Or…” Carol thought. “We could get another oak one maybe, build ourselves another, a little thicker this time.” She suggested, her fingers lazily tracing patterns on the back of the brunette’s neck and lower back until Therese pushed herself up, just enough to meet the stormy grey eyes.

“Another?” Carol bit her lip nodding. “You like it when we break the bed don’t you?” Carol couldn’t hide from Therese. She physically couldn’t since a pale blush had warmed its way to her cheeks. “Admit it, you find it hot.” Therese teased.

And it was that tease that made her roll them over. “Oh shut up.” She whispered before claiming the brunette’s giggling lips in a passionate kiss, hot enough to make her forget all about the need for a new bed, this one would do its purpose for now.

///

**Day 269**

“Are you ready? It’s going to be our first big family party.” Carol said hooking her fingers in Therese’s black shorts, pulling her mate towards herself to kiss gently. Today was the day their worlds would truly collide. Everyone they knew was coming to pitch tents and have a giant barbeque. Dannie had come up with the idea, and Therese and Rindy had bought all the supplies a few nights ago.

“Yeah, I mean the last party we went to, Jack drugged you, I nearly kneed Harge in the face and Abby gave me a good back hand. It couldn’t get any worse now could it?” Therese sorting out the diamond mesh on her bikini top.

“No I don’t think it could.” Carol said, Therese kissing her chastely once more as she pulled away to check on their daughter, sorting out her own red swimsuit strap. “Rindy, sweetie? Are you nearly R-Oh!” She said surprised as Rindy thumbed the last button on her dress.

“Do you like it? Ma made it.” Rindy said twirling. She looked positively adorable.

“Like it? I love it sweetheart. Gosh you look so pretty. Do you like it?” Carol said pulling the girl towards herself for a tight hug. Rindy was going to be the splitting image of Therese and she knew it.

“Yeah, it’s got flowers on. Plus, I’ve got my swimsuit on underneath.” She said pulling up the bottom proudly to show her mother her swimsuit.

Carol grinned kissing the little girl’s head. “Have you taken the damper?” She said rustling her hand through Rindy’s hair. When it first began to grow, Carol was surprised that she had big curls just like herself, and Therese had to explain that she too had curls at one point before they all dropped out around the age of 16.

“Yep, Ma and I took extra doses this morning.” Rindy grinned. At first it had been a conundrum, what to do about their powers. But they soon agreed to only use them when alone and to take damper each day to try live normal lives. On special occasions Therese and Rindy would burn it out and they would take a family day trip in the woods. They would spar in the pit with the cuts of wood and Carol would either, read, officiate or give them challenges. She was now a proficient shooter and she got to keep her heart beat and hormone levels to herself.

“Ok good – Oh! You hear that? I think that’s a car. Want to go see who it is?” She said knowing it would be Sam senior, Mary and junior.

“Sure, Mommy!” Before she knew it she had scarpered out of the cabin and down onto the beach. “Sam! Hey Sammy!” That was a new addition to Rindy’s life. Samuel Junior. They were similar in age and in interests. They had become rather fast friends and met quite regularly when Sam wasn’t in school, or when Rindy wasn’t working.

A few months ago, Samuel brought Junior round for them to play, when he gave Therese and Rindy their folders. Therese found all the experiments conducted on others from their genetics and such. She was also kept in the loop of current affairs. But Rindy’s folder was an eye opener, because when in the centre she was tested for a faction, and tested positive for Emmanuel. Therese wasn’t surprised but Carol was gobsmacked. However, it seemed to make more and more sense as time went on. When Samuel and Rindy would have sleep overs Rindy would help him with his homework and actually took a keen interest in the work, although that was a decision for Rindy to make at 16 and no earlier.

It was also clear to everyone but Rindy that Sammy was infatuated with her. It was young love and Carol, Therese, Sam and Mary would watch it fondly.

The ‘Cure’ problem had been somewhat of a puzzle but they soon found the solution. They did what governments did best. They lied, saying that they had found a new ‘Cure’. A ‘Cure’ which destroyed the insanity and dangerous elements of love but allowed emotion and everything positive that came with the disease to shine through. The Panel was hailed and the new ‘Cure’ being administered nationwide in 2 months’ time is in fact a placebo.

There had been riots, and disturbance, but mostly acceptance, because the ‘Cure’ had been failing on a lot larger scale than known to the Panel. It was estimated that 45% of the nation was already in love. And 21% were in love and knew it.

Harge’s car was next to pull up. “Hargess!” Carol called as she finished pulling her floating white lace dress on that Harge had actually bought her as a New Year present, and joked that he had been greatly showed up when Therese had given Carol Nutmeg just an hour later.

“Carol!” He said jovially, sweeping her into a big hug.

When she pulled back she looked his summery style of swim shorts and a linen shirt up and down before noticing he had gained a new scar in his eyebrow. “Hey where did you get this? I swear you always come back off mission with more and more.”

“Riot on the West coast. But I’m back for a while now. 4 months or so. Is Rindy about?” He asked looking around for the little girl. They had an odd connection, he was another person Rindy felt comfortable with.

“Yes, but she’s skipping rocks with Sammy.” Therese cut in from behind. “Harge, how have you been?” She said hugging him, patting his back before pulling away, draping an arm around Carol’s shoulders.

“All the better for seeing you two. Actually I have someone I’d like you to meet. Guys, this is Sarah, my court. Sarah, Carol and Therese. They are good friends of mine.” He said, looking rather nervous as Sarah got out of the car. She was very muscular, and was wearing white herself, her skin was tanned and hair and raven black, she was the complete contrast of Carol.

“It’s great to meet you.” Therese, Carol and Sarah exchanged pleasantries, and like the couple had predicted, they had met on the battle field and worked rather well together before beginning a relationship, but all stories were soon interrupted as Rindy dashed along the shore to tackle Harge.

He grunted as the air was knocked out of him. “Hey sport! Wow, look how much you’ve grown. You’re gonna be taller than me one day, I know it!” Carol and Therese smiled at the interaction, before being tapped on the shoulder.

“Gen! Abby! Hi!” Therese said, enveloping them in a hug while Carol picked up Daisy.

“Carol!” Daisy said as the blonde perched her upon her waist.

“Hey, look at you. You’re so cute in your swim gear.” She said straightening the orange sun hat.

Daisy smiled, pointing to the floor. “Beach.” She said and Carol smiled, blowing bubbles on the little girl’s cheek before taking her over to sit on a blanket in the shade.

“We were wondering when you guys would get here, we have a room in the cabin all set up for you since you have Daisy.” Therese said happily, pointing to her mate who was playing with building blocks with the young girl.

“Well, we were talking to Phil and Jen over there. How far along is she now? 3 months? Isn’t it crazy?” Gen said, nodding over to the couple who were floating on the on their blow up bed.

“I know! What with the new ‘Cure’ and the one child law being lifted next week, I think they thought they were ready I guess.” Therese said watching them sunbathe before turning back to their friends. They had come a long way since that weekend in the autumn when they had turned up on Therese’s doorstep and found Carol but this time as part of a family unit, smiling, happy, and safe. It had been a long night of talking and trust building but they had been back on their feet in no time and had stayed the weekend.

“The world is changing quickly. You know next year they are thinking of trying to make contact with the Wild.” Gen said, nudging the brunette’s shoulder. She knew there was a possibility of Therese’s parents being alive, but left the matter open, as did Therese. If the wall came down, she would go, and she would hear them from miles away, but until then she was content on staying in her undramatic bubble for just a little bit longer.

“Yes, it’s all very exciting.” She said brushing off the topic.

“And with the laws being lifted, do you think… you and Carol?” Abby said, looking to the blonde who was walking to the lake holding Daisy’s hand, to splash in the shallow waves of the lake, picking up smooth pebbles.

“Another?” Therese asked, looking at a smiling Daisy and Carol who were watching Rindy and Sammy each take one of Harge’s shoulders before pushing him under. “She _is_ good with children. Rindy was calling her Mommy by New Year’s. They are inseparable… So maybe. We’ve spoken about it but nothing solid.”

“And would you be the bearer or Carol over there? I mean we have seen the documentaries on the new ‘Cure’. They have managed to find a way for two women to have children. It could be half yours half hers. We are entering a new age.”

“Oh, well… I… I can’t biologically have children actually.” She said rather awkwardly.

“I’m sorry to hear that Therese.” Gen said squeezing her arm in support.

“Plus I’d rather have a child all Carol.” Therese said truthfully. “I mean, she’s magnificent, to have another in my life would be a blessing… Now go get some food before Dannie burns it all. You know I was thankful for you two making him see Louise again but the boy will not shut up about her.”

“I’m on it. Gang way! Lesbian BBQ extraordinaire coming though!” Abby announced to the beach, pushing Dannie off the meat he was burning to cook them thoroughly.

Therese and Gen mingled, introducing Gen to everyone, Mary, Samuel and Louise along with Sarah who was chopping wood vigorously with Harge, as Rindy laughed at their feeble efforts. Kids from the farmhouse were lighting a fire. It was when Gregory began spouting pub stories that the ache in her heart for Carol to be by her side to make this all bearable became unbearable. But thankfully Gen caught on.

“I’m going to get my daughter, she hasn’t been fed in a while.” Therese nodded saying she would come too, walking with her to the shore to where Carol and Daisy were playing. “Sorry to disturb but I have to feed this one.” Gen scooped up Daisy before leaving the two alone. Therese gave her mate a hand up, before walking backwards towards the lake, the water pooling higher and higher, forcing the blonde to throw off her summer dress.

“Ah, alone at last.” Therese sighed pulling the blonde closer. “I’ve missed you.”

“It’s been an hour…” Carol said rolling her eyes. “But I’ve missed you too.” Carol kissed her mate lovingly. “Have they been talking to you angel?” Therese pouted and nodded. “How dare they?!” Carol winked.

“I guess you have to talk to people when you have parties.” Therese said wrinkling her nose. “Although I’m nothing but grateful to have you in my life to make it all bearable.”

“And I you.” They heard shouts from the shore, speaking of food. “Looks like the BBQ is done. We should get some food.”

“You get the food. I’ll get the air bed Phil and Jen have foolishly left unattended.” Therese said eyeing up the float.

“Perfect. But how am I going to get the food back to the bed?” Carol said as she started to paddle away.

“I’ll deal with that.” Therese winked, and she would. When Carol returned to the shore with two plates stacked with food, she gestured for the blonde to begin walking. Carol was suspicious, but trusted the brunette, and she was right to do so, because when the water began to get to her shoulders, her feet left the lake bed and the water hardened beneath her feet. She reached the float with ease passing Therese the food before lifting herself up.

Carol washed Therese’s bloody nose with some lake water as she settled down next to the brunette, resting her legs over her lover’s. And as the sun began to set and Therese and Carol lay with full stomachs and tangled bodies, it was the end of a perfect day and they still had all night. They had watched their friends play a water polo match and take at back flips off the platoon Rindy and Phil had built a while back.

“I love this. I love our life that we have built together. I wouldn’t change it for anything.” Carol said stroking the back of the hand that spooned her from behind, looking down at the ring on it. “Not forgetting, not the Centre, all of it, we have been rewarded with this. A life that is as perpetual as the sunrise. You really are my angel.” She said, looking down at the hand that caressed her stomach. “And no matter what life brings I’m glad I can go through it with you. There are no accidents.”

The hand urged her to turn around, so she did, rolling onto Therese’s body, threading her fingers through the brunette’s hair. “13…” The brunette breathed as she looked up into the clear grey eyes, shimmering with flecks of silver. “Don’t you know that I will spend my life adoring you?”

“I do, and that’s what makes me love you even more.”

Therese leant off the bed and kissed her mate, pulling the blonde down to meet her kiss, allowing her to take over as it deepened. Their souls had connected in a way biology couldn’t overcome. They were the ‘Cure’. They had always been. The stars had aligned just so to give Therese her specific genetics, to give her an exact match, to bring them together, tear them apart and despite all the odds bring them back together again.

All to propel a nation into a new era. One of peace and prosperity. One of freedom and equality. Of acceptance and love. There would be conflict, but in any relationship or society there would be. But it all began when a two women met one fateful morning, and felt that electricity, that they would kill over to feel again.

“Hey, nitwits!” Carol heard Abby yell from ashore, breaking them out of the bubble of touches and caresses. “There’s children on this beach and also a bowl full of marshmallows waiting to be toasted.”

“Yeah! MA, MOM! LET’S MAKE SOME SMORES!” Rindy yelled waving enthusiastically.

“We’re coming!” Carol shouted back before turning to her mate. “Or at least that was going to happen.” She said bursting into laughter. “C’mon we better get going.” Carol said sliding off the float getting ready to swim forward but she felt a strong hand catch her own to pull her out of the water and claim her lips once more, kissing her passionately and sensually, their tongues dancing and exploring like every time was the first before letting her go with a chaste kiss.

Therese blushed as she pulled back. “I just wasn’t ready to let you go.” She said truthfully.

Carol pulled Therese off of the bed and into her arms in the water. “Well I wouldn’t worry, because I’m never letting you go, angel. Ever.”

And I am glad to say, that she never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would end on the quote that oddly enough sparked the entire idea for this universe and fic. All of it.
> 
> You say you love me however I am and when I curse. I say I love you always, the person you are and the person you will become. I would say it in a court if it would mean anything to those people or possibly change anything, because those are not the words I am afraid of. – Carol Aird, ‘The Price of Salt.’


End file.
